Created to Be
The Created to Be podcast is hosted by Bethany Pigott, Justin Pigott, Darius Brown, and Brandi Morgan. Episodes incorporate what’s happening in FCA at Mississippi State, fun and lighthearted conversations that help you get to know the hosts and their guests, and real-life topics and themes being discussed with coaches and athletes.
Created to Be
Viral Coach Moments, Dating Contrasts, and Our Stories
In this episode of the Created to Be podcast, Justin shares his top 5 list of the most iconic coach sound bites that are memorable to him, then everyone chimes in about how leadership identity is shaped. The episode concludes with conversation about the differences in dating norms among the different generations.
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And they they got after one of his players, a young kid who does everything right. He makes a point. He's like, he's done everything right. And you're gonna bring this up and bring this garbage. This is garbage.
SPEAKER_05:Welcome to the Created to Be podcast. We're back again. I am Bethany Pigat, your host, alongside Justin. Yo, Darius Doc Brown. Yes, ma'am. And Granny Morgan. Hey. We're so excited to be back. Of course, it's been a great time over the past few weeks. We're gonna have a better time today because the topic is just getting more spicy. Even better time. Even better time. It's gonna be pretty spicy today, I think. Um that's what I like to say, anyways. But we had a great week last week in FCA. We split up into girls and guys groups and just got to talk about relationships. And as I've learned post-Huddle, I think that it's just kick the bee's nest.
SPEAKER_08:Yes, that's it. We we kick the bees.
SPEAKER_05:I don't think which is so good. Like it's been really cool to have several follow-up conversations already. So we are we are in the thick of it. Um, but it's good. And the conversations just being had, I mean, in the cafeteria, in passing, whatever. It's it's made it easy to just generate a conversation and just listen and ask questions. I'm learning a lot, uh, which is good, I think. Uh but what are they lots? What are we learning? What are we learning? Um, but I know that I was encouraged, Justin. Y'all were we didn't do this in our session, but in y'all's y'all did like a list of what the guys are looking for.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Yeah. We just started it off and and I just said, Hey, so what are you looking for in a in a spouse here? And so you had a wide variety of answers of things. Um we got down to some some pretty core things on this list, and I just kind of turned to them. I said, Okay, that's an awesome list. Um, is this you?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. That's good.
SPEAKER_08:And it was quiet for a bit because you know, it's one of those things we have these standards and these expectations of what we are looking for. Yet as guys, we can get caught up in just doing our thing and not not really actively go through a formation process in ourselves and are we becoming the things that we are actually wanting? Or this person that is on the board here would be wanting wanting and looking for. You know. And then we could also sit there and talk about, oh yeah, we got God fearing on there. Let's define what what does God fearing mean and are you actually that? You know, and what does that look like for you? So answer.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I think is a challenge for no matter what age or generation or whatever, that the can you, you know, notice your actions versus what you say you want. You know, like I don't think that's specific to any one group or gender.
SPEAKER_03:I was gonna say, like, that's good for the girls, also. You know, it's good for both sides.
SPEAKER_05:And can you recognize that? And I think that that's a harder, like we can say these things and put them on a board because we know ultimately that's what we've been told or that's genuinely what we want, but then recognizing if your actions back that up is a whole another thing, uh, self-awareness. So we're gonna get into more of that at the end. That's a little tease to stick in there and listen. Um, you know, our topics have concluded at the huddle, but that's where this podcast is great because we can explore those things. So we are gonna do some contrasts between we're all like millennials here at this table. So we wanna understand more how people go about dating, well, attraction, dating, committed relationships in those stages. And we have a very different perspective than what I'm finding most people do these days, uh, which has been, again, learning curve for me. Uh, but we're gonna contrast those and just talk through those. Um, I think it's gonna be really helpful for anybody listening, but also us. We do have a few FCA updates. Justin, there was a fundraiser in Columbus that went really well.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Shout out to the Ford family. Thanks for hosting that. It was a great time. Met some awesome people and um and athletes. Did a great job. Yeah. And we got to share at West Point Rotary Club, uh, which was nice. Um, thank you, Jack Wells, and all those amazing people there. And we got another one coming up next week in in Louisville.
SPEAKER_05:So I think one of the things, one of the highlights was we can't always get athletes to come to those things because of schedules. But the three that did come, what emerged from what they shared was really how valuable the community of FCA is for them here. So it was just another place where you get to hear what is in them that maybe we might not get just in passing, or if we don't get that conversation. And so that really meant a lot to me to hear them articulate. It was helpful. Yeah. Uh what FCA means to them, what it's looking like on their team. So that was really cool. All right. So we're gonna go into the stretch right here. And one of the things that we have talked about the past few weeks, me and Justin, kind of on the side, is how much coaches are in just the media these days with all the coaching changes. And we don't want to get in the weeds on all of that because that's not our forte, but we do want to, we at some point we wanted to bring up coaches and stretch it out a little bit in some way. Um, just that topic about like coaches being in the limelight and all the uh where they're going and all the turnover. And so one way we thought we might could do this is think about how coaches do, you know, they make these statements or they have these sound bites. Darius, you talked about last week about how sound sound bites are going viral. And so that just made us think what are the memorable moments in sports where coaches have said things that you can then take and like say in a conversation and people know exactly what you mean. Um, I know when Justin turned 40 this year, I had him a shirt, and I'm gonna spoiler alert because one of these is tie into it. That's fine. Yeah, but what's his name? I can't think of it. Uh Gundy. Mike Gundy.
SPEAKER_08:Mike Gundy.
SPEAKER_05:That he said, I'm a man, I'm 40, and this rant, and Justin's gonna talk about that. But I got Justin a shirt that said that and on my comments, like some people did not know what in the world I was talking about. But then it was so satisfying when there were people they were like, Ah, I get it, you know?
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, we had some comments on on Facebook or whatever the post, and some people were like, Okay, you're a man, congrats. Like they just, you know, and I'm like That's revelatory, like of course you are.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. So the joke. So anyway, I noticed also that Strange Brew took 40 years. Yeah, it took 40 years to get to this point. Three children later. Right, yeah. So you know, Strange Brew has a sign about Kirby Smart, and so it was just like in town seeing that, you're thinking, man, that is still making its way around from that controversial game that we also talked about on this podcast. Very good. Yeah. So anyway, it got me thinking on this. So I asked Justin to give us his top five list of his coaching moments.
SPEAKER_08:I don't think this would be in a particular order necessarily, but one of the first ones um I remember um as I was watching football a lot is back in 2002. Um, Herman Edwards. Um it was they just lost a game and they were kind of on the brink of the playoffs and stuff. And anyway, uh this great quote came and uh he just said, You play to win the game. And then it was like, hello. Like because it's just like sometimes look, media does a great job. They do. They that it's hard work, it's hard to do. Um, but sometimes that question just gets thrown out there, and you're just it just catches a coach at the wrong time. Yes, and it's you you see where the the guy is trying to get to, and it's just fun to see coaches just kind of fire back. Sometimes controlled will produce some great ones. Sometimes they're just really jerks about it. But um had to talk to the media for doing their job and ask us some questions. But uh, another great one. Okay, so Jim Bora was a coach for the Saints for many, many years, and so I knew a lot about Jim Bora being a Saints fan. Well, they went off and started coaching the Colts, and uh this is the one of the best ones because he has a real kind of squeaky voice a little bit too. And they they were really struggling, they were in playoff contention and they were really straight. I think they lost like two or three straight. And the the um media was asking about the playoffs, and he jumped in, he was like, playoffs, playoffs. He's like, I just hope we win another game. Playoffs, and it just kept going, it kept squeaking and it kept getting like higher. And um, yeah, I think somebody just interviewed him recently, and he's obviously a little older now, and he still did it. Yeah, um, he's like, I never do that for people anymore. So um Dennis Green had a great one. Again, these were all similar time frames. These were early 2000s. Dennis Green.
SPEAKER_05:They were killing it back then.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, Dennis Green um was actually coaching the Cardinals. He was also a Vikings head coach for a while. Love Dennis Green, he's a good old school coach, man. Yes, and um anyway, after they lost to the Bears, he just went on a rant. He was like, they are who we thought they were. Exactly, and we let him off the hook, and he just got after it. And it's like it just said the same thing over and over and over again. Yeah, and too.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yeah, it was every one of them he's naming. I know them just like I remember them like yesterday.
SPEAKER_05:Do you know? Do you have you recognized how people use them? Like, do people still say these things and you know like what they're talking about?
SPEAKER_08:Yes, like the because we all of us, a lot of us grew up with SportsCenter in the early days when Sports Center, ESPN, we're not not gonna, it's just not the same. Not the same. It's not the same, you know. You had Stuart Scott and these guys there, Scott Van Pilt and all.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, like what made it different?
SPEAKER_08:They just you grew to love the anchors and they would bring you in with their sayings, you know, like when people hit a home run, somebody would have some fun saying or something. Uh like he put the biscuit in the basket, you know, or he's cooler than the other side of the pillow. Like everybody has their phrases, and uh yeah, you just grew to love them and and together they were a great team.
SPEAKER_02:And you felt like you was a part of you felt like you was a part of it. He's talking about growing together. I was thinking about uh, I can't think of his name, Chris. I think uh Chris Berman. Whoop, you know, somebody spoke to that. They like they may have a long play, he made jukes on it. Whoop! Like that's a little part of it. It's almost like they have real personalities. It's not like the people they have now don't, but it's like it seems more commercialized. Where back then it just seemed kind of more natural. Like a conversation. Yeah, it seemed good. It's not like how we want people to feel about this podcast.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, we could we could sit here and we could talk about so many of the sound. And so, and then you remember all the stats from those things too, which is kind of crazy. But well depends on the trade times, another one. Yeah, another one. This was just a year after that. And this is uh I remember this from college uh as well. Um, Mike Gundy going nuts, and they they got after one of his players, a young kid who does everything right. And he makes a point. He's like, he's done everything right, and you're gonna bring this up and bring this garbage. This is garbage. Like he just gets after about the article. And he said, and then he just gets Oh yeah, he had the article in his hand.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. And um, you know, so you're gonna come after me or come after someone, come after me. I'm a man, I'm for me. And uh, and then he walks off and he's like, it's garbage, you know, and he just kept saying garbage too. So it was great. An epic rant, and of course, you know, his tenure just ended at Oklahoma State. Um, I hope he coaches again. He was uh, but he's a he's an old school guy.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know if he's that's how it is it's crazy because that's how I actually got to know who Mike Gundy was.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like I didn't know the map, right? I didn't even know who he was until he done that rent, and ever since then, yeah, I've been keeping keeping up with Mike Gundy. That's true.
SPEAKER_05:And you know what? Another thing that kind of goes back to another conversation. Did y'all notice at our game against Georgia?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the section. I noticed that. I did.
SPEAKER_03:Did your boys go over there, Brady? No. Okay, I noticed. I figured they would have been.
SPEAKER_02:Shirts off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Waving in the town, waving in the shirts.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Maybe they didn't get enough like video time or something, because then they moved like right behind the field goal. Oh, they moved? They moved sections, they moved down. But like it wasn't just like a few of them, like everybody moved down. Funny. Right behind the field goal.
SPEAKER_05:So you can see it spreading. But anyways, that's a side note. But I do think it's interesting you saying like you didn't know who he was, but that like put him on the map. Yeah. And now people you know remember him and paid attention to Oklahoma State.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Another another great one, and this is a this is a good one, like Jimmy Valvano. Jim Valvano, yeah, amazing coach, led NC State to um a national title, which was crazy, unexpected. They weren't supposed to win, they weren't even supposed to get to the final four, crazy run. And then he ends up getting cancer later and um ends up looting his life, but he has a a great um just quote of um just like never giving up. It was a great speech. Um that does it. I mean, that to me that didn't fall into this one, but I wanted to mention it because it's really good. Yeah. Um, and then and then Dan Campbell with the Lions. Okay, Dan Campbell just got in at 2000 or 21, in in the year 21. Yeah. And um with the Lions, his introductory press conference, he drops like the most a weird phrase that everybody was like, really like, what is going on with this dude? He's trying to set the tone for the franchise and what we're gonna be doing, what they're gonna be doing. And he says, We're gonna kick you in the teeth and bite a kneecap off.
SPEAKER_05:What does that even mean?
SPEAKER_08:Bite the kneecap off. I think it's just like we are gonna be we're gonna be after you, and we're not gonna give you an inch. And this is the type of mentality that we're gonna be is Detroit, so we're gonna bite your kneecap off.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, that generates a question. I have a question. Okay. Do you think coaches have to have that? Like it says in my notes, instantly defining his coaching persona. Yeah. Is that an advantage? Like a coaching a coach having to like become whether they're the really that person or not behind the camera, or like that, but that a good coach has to have something that sets the tone.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's it could be good or bad.
SPEAKER_08:I think for instance, we have a very fresh example of this. Yes, Ryan Kelly. I was just about to say trying to speak Cajun, like do different accents and stuff, and he's from up north. Like, dude, it's just not who you are.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and um he tried some things and they were like, And it and it set him off at the beginning. Everybody was like, once he done it, a lot of people like, this is not gonna work. He was pandering. Yeah, because it's like you're trying to set a precedence that is not reflective of who you really are. So it could go now, Dan Campbell uh doing like what what Justin brought out, saying what he said, it worked in his favor because like Detroit has become such a like a nasty football. Like when you know when you play them, it's gonna be a long, it's gonna be a long game. Right. Like uh I was looking at a statistic um from last year, and every team after they played Detroit, they lost the next week. And it was because they were so beat down from playing against Detroit, even if they won the game. Yeah, yeah. So I'm saying him starting off like that and sitting there present is that's what his football team reflects.
SPEAKER_03:That's what I was gonna say. It's in the press conference, but don't you think he probably had that same conversation with his team? Oh, man. Like we're gonna be gritty, we're gonna fight, we're not giving up.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, it's who he is. Yeah, and that's who he is.
SPEAKER_03:Back to like the LSU one. Like he's trying to be somebody he's not in that example.
SPEAKER_08:Oh, exactly. Dan Campbell is that nuts.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_08:And so he goes for fourth down all the time. Yeah. Some people really got after his coaching style and his game management, and they still question it at times. But the thing about the thing what I love about this whole thing too, you would think, okay, he has this press conference, he's gonna shift Detroit. Detroit was awful. Well, their first year, they were like one in fifteen. Yeah, they stuck with Dan Campbell, Dan's major emotional, and like was just fully invested in all. Then he started turning that ship. People started buying in. And now, I mean, they're a they are a juggernaut, they're a force. Um, people believe. And like his he's he's a coach I love to watch because he's so emotional, he's so in it, he's like he's still playing. He probably could still go out there and be a player too. Yeah, he's still jacked. Um, but it's also cool, like previous people that have played with Dan Campbell, previous teammates, like they're like, dude, he was the best teammate, he was great, he was intense, like he was the ultimate player. And so um anyway, it's you root for those guys for sure. Um, many of these coaches that are on this list that you want to root for them. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And um you could tell this with him, it wasn't just coach speak. Like he, like, like Justin said, he has turned Detroit. Like Detroit was like, I just think back playing the games, like they was the laughing stock of the video games, because they just wasn't good.
SPEAKER_08:But now, yeah, they they a juggernaut. And they wasted the best running back in the co in the world. In the world, bear. So, like, I mean, and you're just like, golly. And they went on Thanksgiving occasionally.
SPEAKER_05:Occasionally, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, I'm thinking about just in general, like a coach could be outspoken like this, but really I feel like the most effective coaches are just they set a standard, they are who they say they are. Yes. And if it comes out and expressed like this, that's great, but even not. And so I'm thinking of a coach right now, and y'all, I'm completely ignorant of football, NFL, whatever, but the Miami coach came to mind. Because when you look at him Daniel, when you look at him, I'm sorry, like I'm just like, I don't think, oh, NFL football coaches.
SPEAKER_07:No, no, he's not a big thing.
SPEAKER_05:But he has a very specific way, right? Isn't he pretty like stats driven and like yeah, you know, like scientific more driven?
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:But it's like it would be different if he is trying to be out here like these like Dan Campbell, but he's running his program like this. Like, I think the point is just the ones that are successful know who they are. Yeah, but know yeah, like what works for them, and they're not trying to be all these different things, right? Like, what do you think, Brandy, with being a coach of the club?
SPEAKER_03:Well, no, I think that's that's spot on. And having like the people around them buy into that, like coaches, staff, players, everybody, because the buy-in is where it's at. Yeah, what's Brett like? What does he tell his team? Um is he an intense coach? Is he like yeah, he's definitely intense. No. Sometimes I had to tell him to turn his coach voice off. He's very, very intense.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. And the good ones I think do a great job at in who they hire and who they bring on. Because you don't want everybody being exactly like you either. Right.
SPEAKER_06:Right.
SPEAKER_08:Um, and so it takes a lot of um I don't know, humility and uh I don't know, you gotta do your do your homework to get the right people.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:I mean, I just I just think of, you know, certain coach staffs I've seen, the best ones are like, okay, you have a great relational leader, a great driver, um, and then you have the bad cop maybe in one spot too that you have, and then you have some other ones.
SPEAKER_03:So um well, and I feel like not only that, but like they all cover different areas, but also like your players respond to different things also. So and you kind of figure that out.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:It I mean it works well that way.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, yeah. And it it's been good. Even watching like even just for the baseball side and how those coaching staff is all like how they operate together is pretty special. I can't wait to see what how it pans out in the spring and in the days ahead. But like it's it's really neat to see um how guys are getting pushed and how it comes that they don't like being pushed. Yeah. And they're like, well, this is maybe a little different.
SPEAKER_05:We might have talked about this, but I don't know if it was on the podcast or off, but me and Justin have talked about just observing coaches and how we'll be over there in the stands at practice or whatever, and we're like, they are getting great coaching right now. Like the amount of the relational side, emotional maturity side, directing, coaching up, and then sometimes seeing those, hey, we just went over this, so yeah, you know, get your act together. Yeah, you know, there's like a mixed bag of all of that that just when we were in sports, it was just that last option. I mean it's get your act together. It wasn't all these other things.
SPEAKER_08:And so Yeah, I love the different coaching styles. I honor those, um, whether it's my preference or not. But I remember um, or what I would do, I I love just think about when we played. All right, you think about the coach that you're like, oh, this is great, and then the ones that you were like, Oh, I couldn't stand it. But on the other side of it, you're really glad you did whatever the drill was, whatever the activity was. And that I mean, I remember doing the attitude adjustment day in high school after we lost to a team that we shouldn't have lost to. And we were supposed to win state that year. That was the goal. And they locked the gates on us the next day, and we were like out there three to four hours. Probably couldn't do that, but you know, running and we were all throwing up together. It was like a great bonding experience. Um it was awful. I know. Sounds awful. I mean, it sounds great. But then we won 16 straight, ended up winning state that year. So it like we look at it and we're like, yeah, I could have gone a different way, sure, but it got the message across.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, sometimes the running does more than talking, yes, having a conversation.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah, but it's been cool to see just like the productive things like that they're doing. Like, yeah, it's there's some physical challenges they're doing, um, but this making them think, it's making them talk, it's making them it's producing leaders, it's producing listeners as well. So it's like it's uh I love it. I've been I've loved watching new coaches come in and install things and and be who they are. And um, yeah, it's it's pretty special. So I just know I don't want this to come across like from the FCA side, we're watching and learning and really enjoying like the coaches that we have here at Mr.
SPEAKER_05:I smile a lot in practices because I'm like, dude, this is great. I am like plummin seeing like what's happening right now.
SPEAKER_08:Like Yeah, it is great. So I we're we're blessed to be around um some really great coaches.
SPEAKER_02:And it kind of represents, you know, I just feel like what we're about.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:People that rugged, rough, tough, you know, with grinders, yeah, and to see um those type of coaches and those type of interactions. I mean, now, yes, it is tough sometimes because you kind of, but you also understand why those coaches are who they are. Right. You understand why they have been so successful, uh, because they just have that ability to know how to pull something out of a player that that player may not realize it's there. Or sometimes I've seen it, I feel like this happens too. They can it it it's just when you're on a very high school level, you're sometimes you're so much better than your counterparts. You're not used to being pushed, you're not used to being confronted. But when you get to this level, it's a different, it's a different animal. And to have coaches that know how to push the right buttons, there's it's it's a it's a it's a work of art. And then it's also great to see the the outcome, like what they actually become. Great talents plus hardworking, plus the humility to follow great coaches. And then it's like I'm a I'm humble enough to follow the instructions of the coach, but then it builds me to be the leader among my teammates all at the same time. So it's it's it's very uh it that's very gratifying to see him.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I think that's why I'm smiling most of the time. It's because sometimes you can see in the athlete, they don't maybe understand, but you can just by observing, you're like, man, you don't understand. I know that this is hard to absorb, maybe right now, but I see where this coach is going with you.
SPEAKER_08:And it's getting gold right now. If it's gold, it it looks like coal.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:And it's gold. I'm telling you, it's gonna get you where you really want to be.
SPEAKER_03:Well, and there's so many different layers, I feel like, because the coach might see potential that you don't, but also the coach knows your goals. Right. Like the conversations have been half. So like if you kind of lose sight of that, like they're still pushing you forward. And like, so to me as an athlete, I'd be like, oh, they really believe in me. Like if they're calling this out at me, they really believe that I can do it. Right.
SPEAKER_05:So it's definitely a perspective to have. Okay, so I don't know if y'all have come across coaches either as you are an athlete or working with FCA, but there are some I love listening to what coaches say sometimes because even as a parent, I'll catch myself needing to correct or needing to instruct. And really there's not much going on in my brain, but there's words coming out of my mouth. And I'm thinking, what am I saying to my kids right now? I don't know, but I need to like inspire them or motivate them or correct them. So sometimes you just say some really funny stuff, on like not on purpose. And there was this coach at Mississippi College that players, I think one set of players that he had, they like made a book about all of his sayings. So I don't know, I'm I'm giving y'all time to think, but there's um, so if you have something a coach said that's memorable to you that you can rem you know, bring back up. But the one that he said that You're talking about Coach Duke. Yes, don't say the saying because it's gonna steal my thumb.
SPEAKER_08:PA. We love you, PA.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, he uh said some of the most funny things, but one of the times he said the players were he was a basketball coach, girls basketball. So he they were just not in sync, didn't look whatever. So he said, Y'all are running like a bunch of quails out here. And we're like, quails? I don't understand this. But if you're listening to this, you need to Google this right now. It is hilarious because when you look that up, it's the perfect analogy. And that's what I'm talking about. These coaches say stuff in the moment that is so funny and so appropriate, but it sounds ridiculous at the moment. Well, if you don't understand it, you're like, what does that even look like? Yeah, and he said it multiple times before I ever was like, what is he talking about? Like, I need to see this, and it is hilarious. When we looked it up, we were like, Well, he was 100% accurate. That's exactly what it looked like out there. So, do you have any co coach sayings, responses?
SPEAKER_03:I don't have specifics. I'm sure I could come up with some, but T Bratt is full of them. Like he says sayings about everything. All the time. Yes, all the time. Like, I need to start writing them down. He could write a book hands down. Yeah, maybe we should have him on.
SPEAKER_08:There is one, I there is a video by a coach named Bob Green. Oh my. Yeah, Google that too. Oh, I could pull it up. We could listen to it right now. It's it's absolutely glorious. Okay, let's see if I can get it up.
SPEAKER_05:I would love that if people commented. That would be really fun if you'd tell us some of the ridiculous things.
SPEAKER_02:I haven't got to know exactly who he's talking about.
SPEAKER_05:You know who I'm talking about. Oh, you don't have TikTok, that's not gonna work.
SPEAKER_01:Oh Darius on that bandwagon. This dude is hilarious.
SPEAKER_05:But it's what's amazing to me is the ability these coaches have to say something so ridiculous, but it's so accurate. When you actually look at it. Like, yeah, that's exactly what's happening on the field right now.
SPEAKER_03:But I would never like that. This might be like a silly question, but if somebody wanted to comment, like if I think about a saying and I want to put it in, how do I comment?
SPEAKER_05:You can either email us in the show notes, there's an email, or there's like a tab, like a link in the show notes that says send us a text. Oh, okay. And it'll send it to our fan mailbox on the platform. But also, the great Mike Leach also had plenty of things that he said that were hilarious that we go back and we listen to. Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Especially around the holidays. He had some really good ones that he would say. Oh man, this is uh about candy corn, about coffee. I'm trying to think of some of the ones I've seen from Mike Leach. He was so funny. He's hilarious. Oh, when he went through like all the I think it was the Pac-12 when he coached over there that he went through that. That's a great video.
SPEAKER_02:I think he did it for the SEC too. One time he was like, Yeah, if I'm going to a fight, I wouldn't wanna you know he's so nonchalant.
SPEAKER_05:Does he know he's being funny right now?
SPEAKER_07:All right.
SPEAKER_05:That's what makes it great.
SPEAKER_07:Yes, for sure.
SPEAKER_08:Okay. All right, I gotta leave back to the here we go.
SPEAKER_00:You know, and that's a double-edged horn, you know? It's kind of like uh watching your mother-in-law go off a cliff in a Cadillac. You know, he's got mixed feelings. He looked at black lab on the first day of Beznauton season. He was pulling at the chain. We're kinda like a woodpecker in a petrified forest. You know, just keep busy and look for opportunities. Can you imagine that? I wanted that. Pam Green vetoed that idea. I got a short memory, just like when I was in the third grade. Two of the best years of my life. His attitude's positive. He thinks he could take on hell with a squirt gun. I ever expected she'll win. None. My wife couldn't go to church with me on Sunday, and everybody said, Where is she? I said, She doesn't go out with a loser.
SPEAKER_08:I say a six ACT in 1967. And then it paused. I I love the um one. He says, I wanted to raise my kids on a depth chart in Pamberry Vito death.
SPEAKER_07:Oh, I didn't hear the first part. That was it.
SPEAKER_08:That is awesome. Oh my gosh. Oh, the uh double-edged sword, like mother-in-law running off the cliff, Cadillac. You know, it's kind of mixed feelings. Oh, not really. No, not at all, but just the the stuff.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. I don't know. That's a that's a special brain. That's a special way to think about and see life.
SPEAKER_03:I grew up going to the petrified forest, so that one was kind of funny to me.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my gosh, that is hilarious.
SPEAKER_03:Looking for opportunity.
SPEAKER_02:Just like busy and look for opportunities.
SPEAKER_08:It's like a lab on the first day of Pheasant Hutting. He's just pulling at the chain.
SPEAKER_02:He's funny, man. I had to give it to him. When I first watched it, I was like, and it I guess is what makes it better, you can see it's natural. You can tell he's not trying to really be funny. It's just a part of who he is. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Do you this is, you know, uh totally off topic, but do you I find people that are not trying to be funny, funny. Same. Yes. I don't know what it is about it, but they're just being their normal and it's bad if they catch me laughing. Because I don't know. It's just funny to me how you I don't know.
SPEAKER_08:Those are the best. It's life with Darius.
SPEAKER_02:I I I think that's the best though, because like some stuff I say and do, I I I'm seriously not trying to be funny. Like, if y'all can imagine how many times I got in trouble in school. I'm sure. Because and I'm like, I was six of them, and the people start exactly. I was six something and people start laughing, and I'm like literally. Dead serious and the teacher, go to the office.
SPEAKER_07:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02:And I'm like, but I was go to the office. It's like ain't nothing I can say because the track record was like, you know, I'm gonna tell you, I got wittiest in school, right? I was in the tenth grade. Oh, like most wittiest. Most wittiest in the whole school. So listen. Oh wow. But I didn't know what it meant. So I'm going around, listen, I'm going around telling me, I'm the most wittiest. You ain't smart like me. Like, and and and it took somebody who was like, that doesn't mean smart. And I'm smart in a way.
SPEAKER_08:I'm glad you didn't say it was the whitest.
SPEAKER_02:I was just glad in the 10th grade, I went to a big school, so I was just glad I got something. But but I'm gonna say this the woman that was over our uh yearbook pictures, I used to cut up in her class all of the time. And so I was late to the pictures, and she would not let me take them. Because she thought I was being funny, I was trying to, you know, be defiant. And she would, so in the yearbook, it has my name, it's not picture. And I was literally out there watching them take the pictures. Like she would not retake them. Like it was, but it that's that's the downside of being somewhat of a bad thing. Well, I'm gonna tell you what I did to her one time. I was rejecting. All right. So so I actually actually did this. No, I did this after. No, I did this after because she she really did In retaliation. In retaliation, because it really hurt me. She hurt your feelings. She really did. Because I I was not. You earned that. You earned that. So first you get voted among your class, and then you get the whole school. So you gotta think, I'm wearing this as a 10th grader as a bad honor. Like and so what I did to her after that though was she had me to take a uh she some kind of way, I don't remember what it was. No, I was supposed to sit in for break. I skipped break and hid, and I was just out there amongst the students hiding. She came out there looking for me. My friends was helping hiding me and everything. And so when I came to her class, she sent me, she sends me to ISS.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-oh, boy.
SPEAKER_02:I had never been to ISS. And so I am, I am, man. I'm I'm I'm mad. So I'm calling my dad to come get me. My dad would not, he's telling me he's gonna come, but I knew he wasn't coming. So I'm sitting in ISS. Well, I had a makeup test for a math class, and the teacher was like, she was not gonna allow me to, I had to take the test. Well, the only time that she was free was the day I'm in ISS. So she she calls the uh the guy with the walk-in talk and tells him he has to come take this test. I goes to take the test. The same day she puts me in ISS. Her room is counterclockwise to the class I'm getting ready to go into. I go to her window, knock on the knock on the door. And wait. She looks out and say, sneaks my tongue. I stick my tongue out and then go in the class. And she comes out, she is on fire. But what would made it even gratifying for me was her and the math teacher got into it right there. No. And I'm just watching and enjoying. She was like, she was like, he's supposed to be an ice. And she said, he has to take this test, and he's going to take this test. And he's going to take it in here. Now, if you got a problem with that, you take like they were literally like, and I'm gonna tell you that problems the most I was wrong. I was completely wrong, but I was gratified. I was gratified because it was like, I'm getting you back. You did me wrong. I'm still mad about not taking my picture. That picture. But I mean, I was that's how I was though. Like sometimes I do stuff and say stuff and people be just laughing. I'm like, I was not even trying to be funny.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that's what makes it funny. It's just your personality, it's just a part of who you are.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, this is an example. My sister, my oldest sister, she has this thing. She's she's a forensic accountant, she's very logical, very practical about a lot of things. So I've witnessed her doing this, and she it helped to to like see her do this with me, with other people, and then have a conversation. And once she told me what she was doing, now I see it all the time. And so it makes me laugh. So this is what she does. So somebody will ask a question and she will tell them the information they've asked for. Like, or like I'll tell you an example. We went into a chicken salad chick. She says, which one does not have, I'll just say nuts. I don't know. And the girl just started telling her all these different options. And then my sister says, Which ones don't have nuts? She just come she just says the same thing. She never changes based on what they're saying. Whack.
SPEAKER_08:Give you another try.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, she just says, but without saying that. And so now that I know that she does, because I that because once she told me, well, that I just repeat the same information because they haven't given me the answer that I've asked. And so they'll change on their end, but she won't.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:And then eventually she'll get to what she wants. And so now I see her do it, and I just crack up, and she's being serious. And so I'm over here like dying laughing. So I'm like, this woman does not know. And that's what makes it really funny that the other person had no idea.
SPEAKER_08:So now Bethany does that to me at home. And she'll ask me a question and I'll give her an answer. She's like, that's not what I asked. And I'm like, oh well, you're right.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. The other day I'm like, where is Eli? And then I got like several sentences about other things. Thick room. And I said, that's not what I asked. I just needed practice. I need to know where he's literally right now for whatever I needed to know. Um, but that's one thing that she does that just absolutely makes me laugh, especially if I get to observe it because I know what she's doing. And she's not laughing, but it makes me laugh. Um, so today that's a stretch time. We just wanted to be able to put talk about coaches because that's been just such a huge topic in sports with them, move it around. And so we just took it from a different angle because we don't want to get in the weeds on where they're going and should they be whatever. Um they get to they get to figure all that out, but we can have fun with these things. And it is fun. I think being a player and looking back, if you are an athlete right now, I know that there's things that are just tough sometimes about those environments, but I think he will look back and appreciate like the things your coach said and just the environment. I don't I know that with women's basketball, Coach Purcell is so energetic and he is constantly out there showing them what kind of energy he wants. And so anyway, I think it's a good example of a coach who he has he has a set way of doing things and he displays that and he's consistent in that. And it's really fun for me to watch. And so those are things that I don't know if players fully see or engage with at this point, but hopefully you will at some point in your life you'll realize, oh, that was actually pretty fun that he was doing that. Um, so in our topic today, we want to contrast relationships, how they have changed in the way that people go about through different phases of relationships. And Darius, you made a good point about how not all relationships, some of the things we're going to talk about is not necessarily just with a significant other with the purpose of leading towards marriage, um, but it could be friendships, it could be in relationships with coaches, but in general, just like relationships that are committed relationships, what that looks like. But my contrast list is specifically for dating, um, things like that. So we'll kind of weave in and out of those things. But the difference is in millennials, because we're all millennials here at the table, right? Or Darius, what is your cutoff? Are you kind of like No, I'm a millennial. Okay, no, I'm a millennial.
SPEAKER_08:I'm a I'm like a tweener. I'm 84, but like I'm I'm technically millennial.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. I'm kind of what's funny is that when these lists when these lists first started coming out, like just things about I just always, this is maybe weird, but when people started talking about millennials, honestly, I the thing I most associated with that was avocado toast in a coffee shop working. Like that's what I felt like was the biggest change was like remote style working. And I don't know why avocado toast got associated with millennials, but anyways, those are like so avocado toast.
SPEAKER_02:I was gonna say I didn't know about that till later. I don't, I I didn't know about that until today.
SPEAKER_05:I wouldn't say you're I guess the point is that people would talk about millennials and say they're I mean, those are the two like images or whatever definitions in my mind of like what they're doing. And I'm like, I don't do that. Right. But when I look at this list though, as far as contrast of how you go about relationships, oh, very much so. Like I'm like, oh yeah, I'm a millennial and that's the way it should be kind of thing. So we're gonna try not to be too biased, but I was gonna share some of these things and just get y'all's feedback. So without looking at my list here, y'all looking, I'm looking. In attraction, what is something as a millennial? What is like the first step if you can remember back to whenever you first, you know, were attracted to the person that you're married to now? What were some of those initial things that you did to show interest, to know that they were interested? Any of those things?
SPEAKER_02:Oh man. Oh I think for me. I was gonna say for me, you know.
SPEAKER_05:In what way though? In like what form? Friendship. But like in what like talking on the phone, text, in person, well, we person.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, personal. Or on the face. Well, I I was kind of started awkwardly because it was more so we were familiar with each other, but not actually knowing each other. But then once we came in contact with each other in person, then you exchanged numbers. Um, so you kind of talk and text and but I can say a lot of early on, it was the initial um thing for us was to try to be around each other in person.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But but even in that though, I that's why I said we was just kind of as friends. So I I feel like the conversation, the personality, uh, the comfortableness of being around, um it wasn't no pressure. So it's like just good, just a good aim. Just a good hang.
SPEAKER_05:Well what how did Santana know that you liked her?
SPEAKER_02:I don't know if she well, I feel like she just noticed the way I I uh shifted. Like some things I would say I wasn't doing, I wasn't looking for. I just started kind of shifting those things. Like I because when we first like got together, we were just friends. And I would tell her, I'm not looking for a girlfriend. And but that was more so uh me going off of what I experienced. Um, but she was something different. So I feel like I'm saying that, but I'm wanting to be around her more, um, making plans and involving, intentionally involving each other with the plans. Like I remember she had a uh graduation dinner, no birthday dinner. Um and this is why we just rent, she invited me. And when I got there, I'm the only guy there.
SPEAKER_07:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:So you start kind of noticing something a little different. Uh and then I knew um who she previously dated, and I was not that. So for her to be intentionally involved in me, I'm kind of noticing.
SPEAKER_08:That's a big deal. Yeah, that's a big deal. The one guy there, hey.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's that was a big no comp. Like I ain't gotten to fight with anybody.
SPEAKER_08:Uh or no perceived comp.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_05:Exactly, yeah. So So did you in that phase of like attraction, did you let her know? Did you keep your feelings kind of private? Or did you let other people know or in on it or talk about her outside?
SPEAKER_02:So I kept them private to her, but other people kind of knew. Because like I would have some people that come up and be like, hey man, you see Santana, I'm thinking about talking. No, you're not gonna talk. No, you will not. You will not. So I would tell them to but to her, it's kind of like you know, like we just, you know, kind of just building something here.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I don't want to and I feel like too for us, it was more like the number one thing was to have face-to-face conversation. If we couldn't have that, we would talk on the phone, but it wasn't like hours on the phone. It was more like, hey, what are you doing tomorrow? You know, like setting up the next one. And y'all were both athletes here. Yeah. So did your paths cross easily exactly classes, yes, sports-wise, no. I mean, we kind of shared a similar space, but we were on like two different time schedules.
SPEAKER_05:So and how did Brett know? Because I know I've heard kind of like the start of y'all's relationship, but like how did he know that you liked him or vice versa?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I mean, I think he's much more of a communicator than I am. So like he just flat out told me. He was just like like honest, like conversation, like, hey, I like you. I'm like, okay. Was that early or was that after y'all had a lot of people? No, it's like a month. It's like a month in. Actually, he said, I think I love you. And I was like, Whoa. Well, I was like, okay. Okay. It's like when you say back, like I'm not sure just yet. Hold on.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, but like he's always been like a very good communicator. So, like to me, I never have to guess where he is with things like always has been. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08:He has great questions.
SPEAKER_03:Where he probably guessed a lot on me because I'm not very clear. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You know, and so yeah, it does kind of sound like me and Santana. She's very not as open. She's as introvert. So she kind of, you know, you have to like sometimes like people come to, is she mad at me? I'm like, she probably mad at me. Like she doesn't talk, like you can't use what you see. Yeah, yeah. You can't let that be, you know. So it was kind of it was very similar to that, you know. I think she knew she liked me, but it was more so because of how I talked and the way I moved, the wanted to give me the time to kind of confirm, you know, like what we could be.
SPEAKER_03:One thing I've noticed too, like we were, I feel like we were big at, I mean, of course, talking in person, but if you couldn't get there, like talking on the phone, something I noticed is they're really big on FaceTiming. Like they will FaceTime, even like my eighth grade students, like at night, they would be FaceTiming each other, but the phone might be facing the ceiling. Right. But I'm like, why do y'all FaceTime so much? Like it's it's just a different, yeah. Like we didn't have that option. I'm sure we would have if we couldn't talk to them in person. Yeah. But that's kind of to me better than like sending them a message because you at least can hear the tone in the voice. Right. Or if they are looking at each other, you can like see their expression versus just like trying to figure it out through a text or a DM. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I got, yeah, I got a the generation beneath millennials, what, Gen Z? And I got a guy that calls me. He's he's he's my friend, but uh he's like a no, he's like a brother, but he literally every time he calls me is FaceTime. Yeah, I've never heard of it. Like, like it's almost like, do you not know that the regular phone works? And the reason why I say that, because it's just like he does it so much, it's like, man, this is not good. Like I'm just saying, you know, it's it's like if if I'm like this, I may be in a meeting, and then you get a FaceTime, and then Well, everybody hears the conversation. And then, or everybody in the blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, and then it scares you because even though you haven't answered, the video is showing. Like, like it's it's like it's so but it I was I will say that as it relates to the point of the difference of generation, they do that a lot. Yeah, like FaceTime or call you through Snapchat, like it, and I'm like, man, this is really normal for them. Like, I don't FaceTime on this, it's like I'm really trying to show you, like, hey, I've been telling you about this look. Yeah, that's me. But they that's a part of their like every day. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_08:But I think it's just the right thing to get from the store, dear. Is this the right one? Right.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, that's that's this is the right. Oh my gosh, y'all. Okay, this might not be appropriate and take it out at this time. But I FaceTimed Brett yesterday or day before, and this is one of those instances. I was like, you gotta see this. There was a guy riding his bike on Main Street with skates on. He was not pedaling, he was skating on the bike. But that's what instances were like, I gotta show you this. I could have videoed it, but I needed a laugh. Like, I needed like real car with me. I need to share this with you. And so that's how I think face down, like I look at it, it can be such a good thing because there's not there's less room for like misinterpretation in that. Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_05:But yeah, I think it just depends on stage of life. Like if you're at a job that's eight hours, like you can't answer a FaceTime. Right. But if you have something you want to share with me, voice memos, I love a voice memo. I just started using those. Oh, I like it.
SPEAKER_03:Which they're good also, but you have to make sure you're in a space where you can listen to them because like the face something it's out loud. But I do like them because you hear tone and you like I just feel like you can feel the conversation.
SPEAKER_05:And it's also like I don't have to rush, like I can find a time to intentionally listen and then thoughtfully respond. Yes. Versus even if someone calls me and I have to take it real quick, I might have to rush you off the phone because but I can like listen and then respond anyway. So um one more question. Justin, how did you know that I was interested in you?
SPEAKER_03:Ooh, hot seat right here.
SPEAKER_05:I know, I know how I started to figure it out about Justin, but I don't know if I've ever asked you this question.
SPEAKER_08:I mean, I I felt like after we had that that time at Polywogs, it was just us talking. You know, I felt like I felt like there was a good connection there if we use that word. There was just like, okay, there's something here. And then to the fact that you want to set up racquetball the next day, and that that was something I was like, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_03:Like So she enjoyed it too.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, that wouldn't be happening.
SPEAKER_05:I thought I would beat you, but you did. It's in the worst.
SPEAKER_08:And so yeah, I from there I was like, okay, there's there's something here. So yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I noticed that Justin, there's this one time he came to play racquetball with me, and he I couldn't really tell. He was really like, I was definitely like he would say buddy or like things like this to me. Like so when we'd see each other. Yeah. And this would be. And I'm not trying to throw him under the bus. I'm just saying this is what was like I was I was thinking. No game at all. What a guy that likes. I'm just trying to I'm in that zone of like, does he like me? Because I don't want to let myself like him too much if he's really not interested. So this is what helped me though. He came to play racquetball with me, and he came from baseball. So he had already practiced. Plus, he had like a little hamstring injury, and then he still came and he played with me. And I remember that day. First of all, I was like, wait, are you even supposed to be here? Like, is this even okay? He was like, probably not. But I was thinking, would a guy that didn't like me like do all this? Right. Like, I don't think, you know, so that kind of helped me think a little bit differently. Like, I don't think he would have done all that if he wasn't interested in me. So that kind of, you know, moved things forward. But some of the things I found, and this would be great if people would comment so that we can know if we're like, yeah, well, this is Chad GPT, so you can just take it up with chat if they're wrong and we can correct it on here. Um, but just so much, I I don't even know if I want to get into all the things, but I mean, initial interest, flirting, privacy, presence, all these things are in a digital space, more so than like we've talked a lot about, you know, either over the phone or in person, all these different things about attraction. So things are very, uh, I would say seem a little bit fluid, like there's sarcasm, there's reactions, there's things like my picture on Instagram, checking my story every day, the snap me, like all the things that you have, all these little things of, you know, I they say on here, like vibes are first impressions, you know. So I'm thinking my first impression of Justin was that conversation and hearing how his work ethic, how he got to Mississippi State, the type of person he is, that was my first impression. I didn't have something to go look at and then predetermine what I think this person is giving off and if I like them or not. Like it was through a conversation I learned that. So that's very different than you know, how things are now. So going going into dating, we won't take as long through all of these, but dating, uh, what was Darius, did you this is the next kind of question for us. How did you transition from just being attracted, you know, kind of that like flirty stage, you kind of like know that you're interested to to make it more intentional?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I I believe for me it was just starting to prioritize her more. Prioritize my time with her, um, prioritize her importance in my life, like moving her up the ladder, and it's like the sacrifices that I was willing to make to be with her or to be around her, like those things became more prevalent. So uh which because you wanted for me, I wanted her to know. Um, you gotta think we're college students, Mississippi State, you know, she's getting ready to graduate. I had another semester after she was gonna leave, so I still was gonna be here, but I wanted my intentions to be clearly communicated through everything. Conversation, the way I acted, some of the things that I was doing. Um, and I'm because I didn't wanna I didn't wanna leave the door open for somebody else to come in, you know. Hey, I'm like, I'm gonna shoot my shot, and I'm I'm trying to I actually saw that happen in college.
SPEAKER_05:There was a guy that liked a friend of mine, and he had finally worked up the courage to go ask her out on a date. And wherever they were, I want to say it was at some church service, but anyways, afterwards he was gonna go do this. That was what and he saw another guy come up and ask her out that night, and those two ended up together.
SPEAKER_02:Like he meant so you're talking about like not leaving the door open. And well, then I that's why I wanted to make it clear about being here at college, because like you gotta realize, like everybody moves at a different pace. And then um, I think she was saying like how Britt is, he's more direct. I didn't want to leave the door open for somebody who's more direct and gonna clearly state their intentions to, you know, so I kind of uh up my game. I mean, I I mean that's what I thought.
SPEAKER_05:Did you have an official conversation where you're like, I wanna be, I want you to be my girlfriend?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so as we started hanging out more, she kind of we both, you know, you kind of know, but one night I did just stop and say, Hey, are you gonna be my girl? And she was like, I mean, are you asking? And I'm like, Yes, I'm asking. I want you to be my girl, you know, I want us to make this official.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And from that point on, we was official.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You know, and I but I feel like she was only moving like that with me because like I was talking right. This is a one-liner. I was talking right, but I was walking left.
SPEAKER_07:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Like I'm saying one thing, um, but I'm doing something else. So it's like, I feel like out of trying to protect her own heart, it's like, I don't want to get my hopes up too much. So I'm not gonna, but so it was like when she asked me, Are you asking me? It was for me to clearly state what is this? I know we've been hanging out, right? You've been around my family, I've been around yours, but it's not something set in stone. And so that that's what it was for us, you know. But um, I mean, everyone's situation, you know, it's it's it's not the same. But I know for me, I wanted her to know through my actions, through my conversations, like I want to be with you. Yeah. And I don't want to leave that chance of like allowing something great to slip away because I'm I'm not sure or I'm playing around. Like she was at a stage in her life where I already knew. If it wasn't me, it was gonna be somebody else. Yeah. Like, like, cause she was not for the just fiddling around and just trying to date, just to be, no, it's like this is who she is and this is where she was going. I didn't want to miss out on that.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Which I feel like from what I've heard in just conversations, that even though people change, forms of communication change, it's still, and we're gonna talk about this a little later, but it still seems like a very high priority or value or desire is clarity, like that. Like no matter who you are, it's not very fun. I mean, I would say even seeing recruits or different things, just observing, like even in that space, they want it to be clear what this program is offering or if they're interviewing for a job, how much am I gonna get paid? And so it's still the it's the same in this space. Yeah, is like you want clarity, and you don't want to live, it doesn't feel good to live in the space of I'm having a good time, but I have no idea. And then like, what if there's somebody else on the side you don't know about? That happens. Girls or guys, you know, they keep going on to the next person, whatever, and you don't know, and then you're kind of being taken advantage of because you're just living in the same thing, and you think, oh, he must really like no, he's on to the next, and you don't even know it. Yeah. Situations like that before, like in high school. So, and it's not fun.
SPEAKER_02:And then you think about it, not only is it not fun because more often than not, you don't end up with that person, but then it's not fun because you didn't waste the time. Like time that could have been invested somewhere else, it was wasted waiting or you know, and so yeah.
SPEAKER_05:My situation was like in high school, we I ran cross-country and I had just moved to a new school. And so cross country meets several weeks before school starts. So I'm just that's all I know from that school. And this guy was pretty flirty with me. I enjoyed hanging out with him and like laughing, joking around. Let me tell y'all, not a good feeling first day of school to come around the corner and he is all up on a girl in the hallway. Uh-uh. I was like, this is not cool because of how he made me feel special and all that stuff, just joking around and emotionally. So not cool situation to be in that like stage. But what about you, Brandy? Did Brett set you down sit you down or have an intentional conversation of like we're moving from hanging out to intentional?
SPEAKER_03:Um, no, I'll be honest, like within two weeks of us hanging out in Vicksburg, he had to come back here for football in June, and I came back here too. I didn't have to come until July, but it was like we enjoyed hanging out. So I feel like even when we went back when we were engaged, trying to figure out when we were gonna get married, we were like, when would when did we start dating? Like there is like it was just literally went from like when we started hanging out and talking, like But it sounds like he was very went by him even just saying, even though you didn't have the girlfriend, like it's official, he was very clear. Yes.
SPEAKER_05:This is where I like him going.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I don't think we ever had like we're dating, but it was like I mean we were both back home. So we went to his house and hung out. We watched some news with his parents and I, you know, and then so like from then on it was kind of like we're inclusive, like we're together. Yeah. So we never had a conversation, but we both knew. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I got back from spring break, my freshman year, and Justin came and gave me a great big hug and was like happy to see me. Yeah, I was. Which was great. But I was really, I didn't know what his standards or boundaries were, and I knew what I had committed to, and I really thought, because of how like big of a hug he gave me and how excited he was, that he might try to kiss me, and we had not had a conversation. And in my head, all I could think about is am I about to have to slap this guy? Right. I don't know what is normal to him that we slap slap. I was like, he doesn't know what he smoked me. I don't know that he knows what my commitment is, my boundaries are, and so it scared me how how anyway, so I was like, he better talk to me soon. I I don't want him to take anything or assumption, you know, assume anything. And it was within a few days that Justin did actually say, like, we need to talk, and sat me down and was very direct about how much you be my girlfriend. And actually, funny story is that I was not allowed to date in high school. So I didn't know what to say. I was like, I don't know if I'm even allowed to ask my dad. No, my mom. I said I need to talk to my mom. I have no idea what I can or can't do. Anyway, so that was a fun little conversation. But do you remember anything? Did you have asked about I did talk to her?
SPEAKER_08:Well, thankfully it just from previous learning experiences, I mean, I was ready to talk, not only ask that, but then talk boundaries like immediately. So just like, hey, this is what I want to do. I want us to wait for kissing, as at that point. And so in my mind I had a certain time frame of what that could look like. And then um but just letting her know out of the gate, like this isn't a fast-paced thing here. Like we're building this on a friendship. I really I think we're really like hanging out with each other. A lot of things I enjoy about you, and so I just wanted to make it official.
SPEAKER_02:That's nice.
SPEAKER_06:That's nice.
SPEAKER_02:That's I mean I mean it's it's good to hear like what y'all, you know, everybody is I guess everybody's different stories and how we come about, you know, and we kind of and I think this is a testament to the listeners. Three different stories, but we all ended up in the same place. Yeah. Like happily married. It's is it's not like we all can't. And I'm saying that to encourage somebody because your situation is not like someone else's, right, you know, doesn't mean that you're not gonna get to the place that you desire to be in and that God would have you to be. You know, she was talking about how their communication was, how uh me and my wife's communication was, and then even you and Justin, like some of the things. Like, and I guess it's neat because it's like I didn't do it that way, but that's neat that at that stage of life, like most people think college is open season. Like this is like I'm just saying, this is I mean, that's really, you know, a lot of people. So and then that's some people's reality. So for y'all to have at that age strong boundaries, yeah, and then respectable boundaries to each other, first to yourself, then to each other, and then to see what y'all are doing now, to see your kids. Like it's just a that's just an amazing, it's an amazing thing for me to be able to see and witness.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. Well, and knowing that she hadn't dated anybody before either, really. kind of made it like I need to a responsibility. A big responsibility to really make sure um I'm protecting her in this and being careful with this, you know. So Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Wow. Did you have something you wanted to add to that?
SPEAKER_03:No, I was just gonna say that was like one thing that I thought about was like pace and that's what Justin said. And like I feel like girls especially some girls, I don't think I fall in this category, um, but like tend to overshare things. You know, it's like even with guys or the guy that they're talking to, but like setting those boundaries even with like not oversharing every little thing and getting yourself even more attached in a situation before it's too early. So like pace has been a big thing that's been coming to me with relationships.
SPEAKER_05:So this is one thing that was a contrast on this list about Gen Z was fast emotional connection online, but slower to define the relationship officially.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:That's what you were saying. I mean but it makes sense so fast emotional connection online but slower to define the relationship officially. So I was thinking about how fast if you are liking people stuff, like it's so removed from you that you can have this pseudo I I mean I don't want to say that nobody can have a genuine connection but it is kind of like this pseudo connect. Like you do feel things emotionally off that. And you can get there real fast if you're exchanging a variety of things. And then plus two if you're sharing like deep things. Yeah. But the if you remove all of that and if you I think just face-to-face communication, going to events, things that's slower in general. Like it's just a slower pace because it it takes more time the coordinated time to hang out see each other. But you have direct access all the time how quickly you can be talking back and forth, sharing back and forth, you know?
SPEAKER_08:Wow. It's interesting to me that brings more people to the playing field. And what I mean by that is there's some guys that are really good with girls. They know how to work like can yeah m maneuver that world I was not one of those. But um all right so Darius yes we know Darius was okay so now with the way it's changed so like I I just wasn't gonna be out and all that stuff. Um which not that it was bad I was I wasn't real that wasn't comfortable for me. But if I had this and there was a way for me to communicate and get emotional connection quicker. Right. Without but being behind this veil a little bit like that that's not good. That's not I mean and so it brings more people that aren't really mature maybe are emotionally mature getting connections emotionally quickly um and then not having like dude like you need to there's a standard here like you need this is a this is not appropriate and this is appropriate. Like it could get real off to be like there needs to be something official here. You can't bring somebody into this.
SPEAKER_05:So if I multiplied like that situation I mentioned with that guy in high school by however many people are online that are in my circle just that I could talk to I mean that's potentially we'll just say 10 there could be 10 relationships like that yeah that are doing that to me versus just this one.
SPEAKER_08:That's a whole baseball battle line up there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah and it's a um things like that you're talking about pace that type of at that speed it's uh this is what I've noticed it's uh uh an illusion of confidence that people have that way that they don't have publicly yeah right and but what happens is because the initial introduction is that I can kind of set at least what I want you to believe I am so then once you meet me I act what I said but if you would have met me initially it's kind of like this like shooting your shot and I'm just gonna because this is the terminology just the young people so it's like this me seeing somebody at a baseball game and the confidence to walk up to them no initial previous conversation I have to come up to them introduce myself talk and they get to experience somewhat of the real me because of feelings emotions all of that is tied in versus a person seeing you at a baseball game will not approach you but then find you on social media connect with you jump in the DM and then now I'm a person in the DM that I am not in person. It's like I've seen that and it's kind of one of those things like I'm a natural I was just a natural I'm a first of all I'm a people person. Then it's just a natural confidence that I just have like to talk to people but then I will see people that move like that and then somebody say well this is how they've been talking you like who's such a such? Yeah because it's like it gives you ability to be a person that you really not right which could lead especially if you have a lot of people who are and I don't want to say this in a degrading way but if they're shallow then could you gonna be misled and easily influenced by a lot of impostures. And I'm I'm serious I don't think the DM is the worst. Sure I don't either but but I do believe with that you the person receiving and giving have to be intentional and also very careful about I'm not going to allow this to be the lifeline of what we have. It's like this can be the initial step sure but this can't be what we have because man it's nothing like he was talking about the playing field being open I always just remember when I was in that season man it's nothing to be communicating with up to 50 people just like and then too you start getting he was talking about people that can hook to you. Some people have nothing to do so that's all they doing. Right. You know and you kind of start feeling obligated to respond to so many so it's is that that is it's a I don't think it's very bad but I feel like like we always talk too much on anything besides Jesus is not good.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah I just hear that from girls it's like they they want some kind of confirmation that this is the right choice of the right person. And I'm saying if they're keeping you in that world get them out like ask to you know and see if you see the same person or if you get a different vibe when you're face to face. But okay so this is a kind of probably a pretty old school term but people would say courting would be the next step. We're just gonna say commitment because I don't know if that's a term that you know people are from I didn't even really wasn't familiar with that. But anyways basically you know once you get past like dating you kind of figure out okay this is the person for me. You move on to okay this is going to end it like we're going towards marriage. And so that would lead to other conversations and I guess you just I mean we got to a certain point where I mean obviously you planned a proposal and all that stuff. And but we knew I don't know if there was anything that flipped the switch I mean obviously time frame like we would knew that we weren't going to be getting married my sophomore year or something like that.
SPEAKER_08:But Yeah. I'm trying to think about that. Yeah I don't know what kind of switched from I know one time I faked you out really, really good. Because you were like me or if you thought about like marriage and yeah because we were approaching I guess for us it was a tippy line.
SPEAKER_05:I don't know if that's everybody's situation because if you're not in college and making a life decision on where you're gonna work, where you're gonna move all that, if you're later then you might have other it might be faster sometimes it was it was I thought this was funny at the time maybe it wasn't so good but I was like man Bethany I I didn't even thought about that.
SPEAKER_08:And I already got a ring so it was really kind of funny.
SPEAKER_05:Oh and that sif me yeah I was not happy with that respect.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah but he did he did kind of it was out of the surprise and something that was coming in the near future.
SPEAKER_05:But he did I would say this is a very traditional thing that might not happen anymore. Justin did talk to my dad I did and ask.
SPEAKER_08:That was very challenging guys I recommend that you do that um it you gotta face it your dad's social so it was kind of but I don't know if guys do that anymore.
SPEAKER_05:I don't know if that's a thing.
SPEAKER_02:Well well I'm gonna say so I I I think two things that could be twofold I feel like number one it it the guy I believe and I would expect if a guy wants to marry a young lady the respectable moral thing is to have the blessing of her parents. Yeah. Like that's but then if because we in a different day so I believe if the guy initially doesn't like if that's not his initial thing to do I do believe that the young lady should at least open that door and say I want the blessings of my parents just like I would want the blessing of your parents if this is what you want to do I would want you to have a conversation like like so even if I think the guy should do it but if he doesn't the the at least the young lady should at least open that door. It's some kind of consideration of the family. Yes because you gotta think the families are gonna get ready to come together as one right and you don't want I at least I wouldn't I wouldn't want that now uh now with you with the courtship now I I wanted to make this plain because we talk about communication so Santana's idea for when we started dating was much different from mine. Okay which I believe that that's why constant communication and getting understanding like even though I was dating to marry I wasn't dating to keep to get married. Like like what I mean is like marriage was not on my radar like I it wasn't something I'm trying to do in a year's time. Yeah yeah you get what I'm saying which with her she was dating and she wanted to be married she was and she didn't put me in a time crunch but I want to say this being a me being in a committed relationship and being around committed people like we were around people that were married so some things some of that insight and information that I started getting started coming from some of those sources like like it will be a married guy that sees me in Santana and will pull me to the side like one of my mentors was like what are you doing? Like he asked me that because you know we both graduated we're both working it's like what are you doing? And I I was like what do you mean we we're dating you know he was like do you see yourself marrying her? Like is she the one? I'm like I mean yeah he was like what you waiting on then I was like well you know we I start and really what I realized was I was okay with commitment in the dating but not commitment to the marriage like that was a different and uh he asked me this question I'm gonna tell y'all what I did. He was like what are you waiting on? I'm like I mean I'm trying to get my money together I'm trying to get you know I'm saying all this the right stuff but I'm knowing it's really excuses dressed up. And so he was like but let me ask you this could you see her with somebody else? He said because the reason why I'm asking you this because she's a wife. She's not a dating girl that you just date she's a wife. So I was like he was like so could you see her be married being with somebody else? I paused about 10 seconds man no like I just started getting upset because I'm like man me to see her with oh no no but I guess what I did I left right then and went and bought an engagement ring and the place was closed. I went to go get an engagement ring the place was closed I was up there before the place opened the next morning because my mind was made up and once I got that ring like I got that ring and I told her I said you got six months and I really because I really wanted six I really wanted to get married before but I knew to plan a I wanted to give her a wheel and I wouldn't and so I was like you got six months to plan something because my mind it's like no to take I it's like when he being around somebody committed it sparked it didn't push me but it it removed scales from my eyes and helped me understand like what you're you this is a wife so I say that in courtships I'm pretty sure she probably was frustrated in our courtship because it's like okay what are we doing? What is he but being around other committed people they they they help me.
SPEAKER_08:I am right I I you s that question that he brought up is she is a wife or not and not a what? Just a girlfriend she's just a girlfriend. Okay and so I think I think that's maybe we could sit on that a little bit I think if you want to if you're serious about this and you're looking for the right person, waiting on the right person or whatever, you need you need to look out for someone that is a wife material like that. If somebody is in this like it's like this uh this circle of just dating this dating world and hanging out and having connections with people whatever and whatever that is involved it's not gonna be easy and it's not gonna be I think it's extremely hard and not right to try to pull somebody out of that. Like they need to be already out in some ways. You have to scout in pursuing that and you'll see the people that are out of that circle. If you are trying to go into that circle of all that wildness right you know um it's gonna be really hard to pull somebody out and then be and that work out. And and you're just gonna open yourself up to be hurt.
SPEAKER_05:Well if they're prac if anybody's practicing that like who's to say they won't do that to you? Like I don't know.
SPEAKER_08:That's just kind of like logic to I hope I explained that okay.
SPEAKER_02:I'm just I don't know yeah I think that was a great question he asked you and something that I don't know that I've ever like thought about the distinction between the two Yeah well I will say it like this the Bible says the man that finded the wife finded a good thing and obtained favor from God she's already a wife before you make her one and one analogy I always think about I say we brought this out in the the the guys when we was meet with the guys a lot of times guys want the reward of leadership without the responsibility of leadership and to realize that like when he said that to me this is what I realized she was a wife and I tell any young lady out there like you have to know that you are a wife even if that's not acknowledged by the counterpart and I say that because like how God helped me is whatever and I tell the young ladies that I'm around in this aspect whoever you marry is just like getting in the car as a passenger seat rider. So it doesn't matter how you feel about them, whoever they are there's where you're getting ready to go. So it's I say that to make them value themselves enough to say I'm not just gonna get in the car. And then also for the guy to realize because that's what helped me with Santana being a wife but I saw her as a daughter of God it's like I don't want to be responsible for taking somebody who's doing so great by themselves and put them in my vehicle and we we crash. Like like you know I realized it was a responsibility for me to make sure that I'm doing right by her you know and God has trusting me. So that was like when they when when that was brought to my attention and as and I do say this to if you want to be committed be around committed people. Yeah for sure be open to people who are committed who have that is is it's not like they're going to control you but they can at least give you insight give you information to help you to make sure that you're navigating these seasons of your life as best as you can.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah because like we said earlier it's hard when you say this is what I want it's hard sometimes in your own self to be able to to see if you are being consistent in your actions to what you say. So just having other people in your life that can say that I mean I was thinking you know this is not a space that I live in very much like the digital space but I mean I'm like is there someone brave enough to say you know here are my snaps what do you think about what I'm communicating yeah with these guys is this appropriate like is there someone bold enough to do that you know to be because that's what um we talked about like what's appropriate, who teaches us that and obviously we can be we can read God's word and it will there are things there um that we can pick up on our own but there's other people in our lives that have done other things. Like if you admire somebody and what say you're in a sport and you admire what someone has accomplished in their sport, it would make sense if you want to be in that same place that you maybe go spend time with them or ask them questions.
SPEAKER_07:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:So I was thinking about as far as what's appropriate, how did I learn what was appropriate and what was not and we were at that donor gathering the other night and we took the kids with us and our youngest is three and they were, you know, I realized because I was thinking about this topic about appropriate what's appropriate, I started using that language with them like in this space in this house someone else is hosting us. There it's all adults it's my job as this as being a parent when he is whittling around and he's running around like some of that's okay. But I was using that language I said this is appropriate right now for you to sit in this seat and eat this food in this setting this is what's okay. And that's just something that maybe we take for granted that we don't even realize is happening but that we need those people to be able to define those lines. And in one we talked about boundaries on our side with the girls and that's one thing that I think that I'm trying to learn a little bit more about is that I know when we were coming up through college at BSU or a different place like to DTR, did you have a DTR was define the relationship talk. Yeah. And so that was language that was used. And so that was really heavy boundaries but it seems like boundaries are a little bit more elusive in this space that things can be deleted in 24 hours or you know like so so are we talking a different language like are boundaries even a thing that is valued, known? Like I don't know. So that's something I'm trying to like figure out because I don't I don't know in my brain how you can do a relationship without being clear on those things. But I'm not saying it can't be done. I just don't know what that looks like. But that's another thing I'm learning too is that that's it's kind of not always defined and it's kind of so I wanted to have the conversation about who in your life or how do you know what's appropriate. How did you know what was appropriate? You know, like whether in relationships or other areas of your life what are those sources you know I know parents, my church, lessons I was learning, reading scripture watching siblings ahead of year. No joke. If you're a younger sibling sometimes you have the advantage. Yeah. I know that because when I had Justin come home I was so scared I was thinking about other instances with other guys that had come to our house that my sisters brought and what happened.
SPEAKER_08:They didn't pass the juju test.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah yeah so I was pretty scared about that. Um so I did yeah I was able to kind of learn like what is appropriate and what is not and what should I prepare Justin for before that happens by watching those instances. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well that's what I was going to say too like whether it be family friends that go to church with you or just family friends or parents like more of it is learned from like witnessing or actions than actual things that were said.
SPEAKER_02:Caught than taught yeah and then I was going to say uh realizing that you can learn from every situation because I was around a lot of um relationships that didn't make it yeah but I was still able to learn from them why you know and so uh of course my parents um my grandparents uh people from church um and then you know just the relationship with God aspect some of the things that he would show me you think about it he says you know husband love your wife like Christ loved the church so looking at the dynamics of Christ loving the church and what he does helps you know that was helpful um and then conversation and community I think sometimes you know when I look back at my past failures it was because I was trying to navigate life by myself yeah and and you know sometimes it's good to have people that uh you can be accountable with you can be vulnerable with you know that could help you you know and I'm saying uh trusted people now I'm not saying just go out here but I'm saying trusted people the people that I trusted most um they would hit me because sometimes and we had this conversation before but sometimes you can be in a different season where a young man and a young lady are just in different seasons. Right. And the comprehension can be off because you're not understanding one another but it would take somebody to say well this is what she's saying. It's like oh trusted friends in your relationship is a big deal yeah it is oh this is what she was I didn't get I didn't I would have never or this is what he said it's like those trusted spaces so those were things that that helped me but I can say this I was blessed to grow up in a two-parent household and see the the sacrifices you know of my my parents see uh and I'm not saying it looks the same in every household but you've seen gender roles that kind of speak to the foundation of why do why is my dad holding the door open for my mom or why is he carrying the heavy stuff. You know those small little things you start kind of training the okay this is what you know and then when those conversations start happening uh everything just align and I was able to you know I feel like I feel like I'm a good husband. You know my wife I would let her say but she's still with me because I mean exactly accounts for anything we're still hanging in there.
SPEAKER_05:Now how how many years have y'all been married?
SPEAKER_02:Seven. We've been together seven years hanging in there like a loose tooth.
SPEAKER_05:And then y'all are 17 uh yeah 17 and a half okay and then we're almost 17 in December December December what? December 13th. Okay. Yeah coming up so as we wrap up there's a few things that we felt like at least in our conversations what could be building blocks or fundamentals that lead to a committed relationship that the way I worded it was no matter what generation you're in, these are things probably that you could find in all committed relationships, no matter what platform you decide to communicate, how you decide to communicate, but these things you can find with those people. So test us out. Go ask some people that are committed and be like, do you have these things? Let's uh we can uh figure out if we're on track here. But the first thing that I recognize is clarity.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:Like so if you are going to operate a lot in that digital space, you know, maybe there is like that's hard for me to imagine just because I didn't grow up in that. And so I do a variety of things but you know I don't just stick in that one space but like can you be clear? How can you be clear? And then once you establish something and you are on the same page whether it's with a friend, significant other, whatever, then not fluctuating, not saying one thing one day and then the next day you're challenging whatever it was that you just established the day before that would be something respect like does each person respect the other person's time boundaries, what has been communicated? That seemed to be pretty common, I would think would be a building block you would need for any relationship that's committed is that you have a respect for one another and you're not constantly just challenging. And it kind of goes back to that like not fluctuating but you know if someone says they need something then you're not gonna just continue to bombard them with whatever. I mean that happens a lot with communication text messages. Somebody might be clear about this is what I have time for and not and then you just continue to overrun them and you know respecting time I'm just thinking about significance of still spending time with your friends if you are now in a new relationship.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah we talked about that a little bit how important that is yeah what about adapting to understand each other?
SPEAKER_02:You talked about that Darius Adapting to understand each other oh I think that is that really takes just being intentional especially if it's someone that you I know you're gonna want to be a part of your life for the foreseeable future um learning how to adjust you know relationships about compromise and knowing where to compromise and knowing how to compromise. Not necessarily losing yourself but also making space though for the inclusion of somebody else. Yeah it's great. And it goes back to like he was talking about uh respecting each other and then um I know you talked about him uh I mean I know Justin made the statement like still somewhat hanging out with your friends uh doing different things like not being that person that puts uh not being that person that puts a weight on an individual because well now we have this you can't no longer because sometimes those other spaces help them to continue to have the flexibility and freedom, you know, and don't feel pressure.
SPEAKER_05:So um making the proper adjustments knowing which I also think that early in the relationship like that I see a lot of times too is like all of a sudden like pressure and like everything else is cut off. You're not even to a point of commitment yet. Right.
SPEAKER_02:So that's what would be a red flag but anyway but it's it's but it but it's is like adjustments and even if those adjustments are gradual over time, you know but is is you have to realize if you're gonna be in a relationship there's no real relationship without sacrifice without giving up some parts of yourself. It's like you can't do what you've always done and you've added another person. It's like with with an addition that comes adjustment.
SPEAKER_05:So yeah but I I I feel like anybody that wants a real relationship I don't think adjustment will be too challenging if you really want to be around you're gonna find the time to I would say sometimes I don't know if guys are like this but I would say there is sometimes among girls adjusting in a way that's like not good for their health like they will become they might not be this type of girl but they'll find out what the guy wants and then make themselves be that's not what we're no no no no no no that's that's no if you have to change who you are like literally who you are to fit into the mold of what somebody wants no that's not healthy. This is like you're you're on the path you're discovering who you are but say you're dating someone who is on the basketball team and you have to understand their schedule and you have to adjust like maybe you would want to go hang out with them on these certain nights or go to these places on these certain nights but if you want to date this basketball player you're gonna have to take into account the schedule and be okay with that and not fight with it to be mad about it. That would be a basic example of making something somebody else now.
SPEAKER_02:Or like with me I'll I'll use this when me and Santana was dating and I'm just saying a minor adjustment. Yeah she loved going to the movies. I hated it like I'm just I'm just I need but because I did like her and I like to be around her I was willing to make a small yeah I I'll go to the move I'll go somewhere I don't really want to go. It's like compromise in a good sense in a good sense like a healthy compromise like it and then it's crazy because like now I didn't want I'm the one that picks out all the movies. Let's go watch this like it's you know but that's why like you said it's a healthy compromise not you fully set set like killing who you've been as a person for like not dead.
SPEAKER_05:No and this is really good to know because if you're the one constantly doing that and the other person won't yeah that's also a good sound and probably not going to be a healthy relationship. Okay so goals align that's also something that you see pretty consistent in people that are committed you know they've talked about or at least understood like physical goals spiritual goals careers interests and also just the reminder that you like you should enjoy this person. It shouldn't be painful and confusing all the time if that's the majority of the relationship that is not normal.
SPEAKER_08:That was probably an hour and a half discussion our time and we got to talk. Oh that was the biggest thing for me and you I feel like I feel like our goals aligned a lot.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah and also can you enjoy the other person without getting anything from them? Like you're not demanding anything or there's no conditions. It's just like do I just simply enjoy this person because of who they are. Can you do that? And do you feel that way from the other person that they just enjoy you if you never gave them anything do they just enjoy you as a person?
SPEAKER_03:And I go ahead I was just gonna say I think that was like one of the biggest things with Brett and I was like we were just we had fun we were comfortable with each other like it was just no pressure right it was just fun to be around each other.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah and I I I was gonna say like we you talking about that I think that that's something that we sometimes often miss for the other things. Yeah like like what I mean is like you talking about career goals and like sometimes we'll focus on those aspects and you may have a person that you have a career alignment with but you don't like them. Right. Like it's like I really don't ain't nothing and I'm saying that's nothing like being around a couple who talk so much about what they have done but they can't stand around each other for five minutes. Like you can tell it's like it's hard for them to because they really don't like Each other, I think more so like the idea, and that was one thing that was big for me. Me and S I liked Santana. Like I could be around her with no type of agenda. And we have fun, laugh, joke, no press, you know, and and that's something that was very big. And I want to say, like you were talking about the pressure. Like in dating, it should not be hard. And I say that because we are in a generation and a time where people say if it's worth having, it's worth fighting for. And sometimes they're worth fighting for is literally fighting for hard. Like, no, you will have challenges. Sure. But you should not have more, your good days should outweigh your bad days. Like literally. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Y'all have anything else on that? So yeah, I was just just to clarity, be able to adapt, respect, goals align. Relationship should not be majority painful and confusion, confusing most of the time. However, those things look, like if I were to interview my grandma, my mom, think about my story, and then interview, you know, somebody else in Gen Z, all those things are going to be exchanged in different ways. Like I don't know what that looked like. The form of the communication might have changed, but those are probably the cons at least what we discussed, there's probably more. Um, but that's what be would be the challenge is like what does clarity, respect, goal setting, all these other things look like in this generation and taking the time to actually think about it? Like, what are you wanting? Like if you're DMing guys all the time or you're what do you what do you actually want to come of this? You know, because if some of those actions don't, they're not lining up with some of these things, they're not clear, they're disrespectful, those seeds can't produce a committed relationship. You know, that's just I can't say, oh, I'll just keep doing this and it'll become this one day. Like it has no capacity to become that. So, you know, why are you laughing at me?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I I guess when you said that, what do you want? I think that that's going to be the challenge of this generation and generations to come to ask them like to be able to slow down and think slow down, think, and really analyze first what do I want, and then how is what I'm currently doing factoring into what I say I want. Because if I'm doing this and knowing the the end, the end result of what I'm doing is not gonna get me, then we have to have a different conversation. Because sometimes we it's like we say what we want, and then and and that's why I do believe that every generation needs each other. Yeah. Because every generation preceding, like, have taught us things. It was things we like, man, they out of. Right. But it was things that we were like, when you look back, it's like, no, you really should do. Like, I'll give you something small. Growing up, my grandfather was very big on us eating at the table together. And that was a reason that he wanted us to do. But then over time, you start saying, well, I get my food, I'm gonna eat it in the room. Right. But this is what I'm saying. And it's not that that is so wrong today, but you see that certain things the families are not as talkative to each other. They are not as spending time. Like, I don't even sometimes you don't know what's going on with a person that literally lives in the house with me. So I'm I'm saying that like to I feel like one of the challenges of today is gonna be to sit down, stay pace, slow yourself down, stop, think, ask yourself, what do I really want? Do you even really know? Right. Not an idea, but something that's concrete. That's what I want. And then what am I doing as it relates to what I say I want? And then, and that's where I feel like some people, when I believe some people, once they start doing that, that in itself is gonna start producing a level of change. Right. And I'm even say a level of cutting away because it's like this is not going.
SPEAKER_05:Which I think that's what and I could take for granted that I probably I mean, I had some ideas of that, but I didn't have to be so probably because there's so much that we inherited that were just traditions still, and just so much of that has changed as information has spread, and you can look at what people do everywhere. Yeah. Like we just didn't have access to all of that to inform our decisions. It was really passed down through family or church or whatever. You didn't have so many options to look at. And so I think the need for that is like there's so much that if I were to sit down at that time, it would have benefited me, but I would have been like, I don't know, it's just the right thing. This is what I was taught. But that is so elusive now. The need for it's so great.
SPEAKER_03:This is gonna be random. Probably how many years were I mean, how many months were y'all engaged?
SPEAKER_07:11.
SPEAKER_03:Like how about y'all? About six, seven. Oh my god. How long?
SPEAKER_02:I really wouldn't even like six, seven. Bringing that up on the podcast. Hold on. I say uh yeah, about six months, somewhere near.
SPEAKER_03:And there's just no right or wrong. I've just been thinking about this. So this is something we can like come back to later. But we were engaged for six weeks. But my thinking is it is now y'all, Brandy is very efficient.
SPEAKER_05:I just let you know what this is just I never some life. If you know, you know.
SPEAKER_03:I've been yeah, so I've been walking through this with some different people. We have I feel like we have a lot of people around that are in that in-between stage. But when you know, and then it's like, okay, well, now we have a year of like this person that I know I'm marrying. Sure. Like there brings a whole new level of like that's just gonna hype up the if you don't have those clear boundaries, that's just gonna hype up all the like things that come with it. Right. So I was just curious.
SPEAKER_02:Like And I with you saying that, not just that part. I mean, that's a layer. Yeah. But then I think the other layer is giving a chance to something or someone else stepping in and saying something. Yeah. Like, like I've and I'm I'm I've been in spaces where people live like this is 25 and say, yeah, I just got engaged, we're getting married in March 2027.
SPEAKER_03:Like a whole year and a half. It's like that's like I'm not knocking, but no, I don't knock it sentences, but I'm just like, why?
SPEAKER_02:Well, but that's what I'm gonna say. That's what I'm saying too. I'm not knocking it either. I guess my thing is sometimes though, with that, you have to look at so many different factors of you are giving space and opportunity to some things that for it.
SPEAKER_08:I mean, yes, and then also it's like, well, we have this school and this school, we're gonna be doing different things. This stuff's gotta happen before we can actually do it logistically, it'd be a nightmare if we got married right now.
SPEAKER_03:And that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_08:And so it's like a communication of like, you're the one, I'm not moving, let's get married, but we're gonna have to wait to do it.
SPEAKER_03:No, I get that. I mean, because I mean I got married when I was still in school. A lot of people probably won't do that, or maybe their parents don't want them to do that.
SPEAKER_05:But like sure, to me, it was just like But I think I don't know if this is what you're saying, but it seems like if you've worked so hard to establish some boundaries in Lib Impurity and all that stuff, and then you give yourself all these months and you know that it's not like it's not as like I'm I'm gonna get married to them, so why not? There's a compromise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've and you've worked so hard. I look at it as like you've worked so hard to maintain a certain level of whatever standard that you set for yourselves, then it's like, oh gosh, like you know, I don't know. I was just curious.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no, no, no, I'm not trying to condemn nobody.
SPEAKER_03:Darius, your face. This is crazy for six weeks. Like it was probably a lot of like, is she pregnant? You know, like because people start thinking if they're all one in or the the other extreme-wise. What people is Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Well, this has been a good hang. I'm sure that we could have a lot more conversation about this, and maybe we will. I know that we've again wrapped up conversations at the huddle. We're gonna just do a lot of kind of random things over the next few weeks as we wrap up the semester. But we we hope this has been helpful for somebody.
SPEAKER_08:Yeah. I mean, if you're out there and you feel like you're in a swirl, you know, I feel like relationships can just lead you into a major swirl. Put some of these things into practice, ask some of these questions. Um, you don't have to live in that swirl. You can step away from it. You know? Yeah. You can step away from it. It doesn't have to be.
SPEAKER_05:I just there's there's probably nothing someone could say that someone hasn't experienced or lived. Right. You know, in those trusted relationships. So you're not alone. So to bring it up and say, I I'm struggling with this or I can't get out of this, like this is how all my relationships are working, you know, you might need a new picture, you might need someone to help you get out of that. And it's probably not something that someone's gonna think, oh gosh, that's never happened on the face of the planet.
SPEAKER_03:Like, no, it's probably And if it's never happened to them, they probably heard it or they want to help you. Right.
SPEAKER_05:Like they're not gonna it's especially if you're here at Mississippi State, you're an athlete, we'll here for you. Yeah, we let it talk about it. Listen, I'm probably just gonna ask you, what is it that you want? And I'm gonna sit there and listen. That's what I'm gonna start doing. Um, but thanks so much for listening today. We've had a good time, and come back and hear us again next week.
SPEAKER_04:Thanks for listening to the Created to Be podcast. To learn more about FCA at Mississippi State, visit www.msufca.org and follow us on Instagram at Hale State FCA underscore. If you would like to become a financial partner, visit www.fca.org slash donate to sew into the work God is doing through FCA at Mississippi State.