The Habits No One Sees (And the Discipline to Start Again)

In this episode of the Created to Be podcast, Bethany and Justin continue the topic of the offseason by exploring the hidden habits that shape who we become. They talk about why the things no one sees are eventually what everyone notices, and why success is built long before the spotlight ever arrives.

The conversation also turns to one of the hardest challenges former athletes—and really all of us—face: learning to embrace a new season without comparing ourselves to who we used to be. Whether it's fitness, parenting, leadership, or your walk with God, discipline doesn't always look the same. Sometimes faithfulness is found in taking the next small step instead of trying to recreate your former peak.

Along the way, they also have some fun breaking down the psychology behind World Cup penalty kicks, game theory, emotional control under pressure, and why the smallest daily habits often produce the biggest long-term impact.

Podcast mentioned in today's episode: How to win a penalty shootout (with game theory)

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Prioritizing what it is that you think that you're gonna need in the future is potentially where you need to put your focus of your discipline. Welcome to the Created To Be Podcast. We are back for another week, and we are doing this again, just me and Justin for like the second, maybe third time. We've done a few episodes, just the two of us.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Yes. Here we go.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

We can do this immediately. I think just the two of us. We can make it if we try.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I'll let you sing. It's good. By the great artist Will Smith.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Oh, is that who that is? See, I'm so ignorant. Okay, but welcome to the podcast. Uh, we were thankful Brandy could join us last week, and we are gonna try to talk a little bit more soccer during the stretch today. So we'll see how we do without a soccer person at the table today. Um, but being the summer months, we're all kind of all over the place, and so we're trying to do our best to stay up with some content, have some fun conversations, think about some of the things that the athletes are going through right now, and um in preparation for the fall. Um, I know volleyball comes here. I think we're recording on a Monday, the sixth, and this will come out on the seventh. And I believe that volleyball gets here this week. So things are starting to ramp up. Yeah, and it's interesting because another strength coach that I saw this morning, she was saying how the way that her season works is the teams that she serves, this is the time where she can take a break in July. But like for you and I, uh we have had more time like in May and June, but then the athletes are coming back. So, you know, you're kind of looking to get back with like the teams that you worked with, anyways. It's kind of interesting how in athletics, like everybody kind of has a little bit different schedule with when they can like get that pressure relief because there's just it's always going. So, anyway, just interesting to learn that this morning. I'm always interested to learn kind of how people's rhythms and flow goes through the year. I mean, Starful School Districts start back too on I want to say the 21st.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yeah, I don't know if I'm ever gonna get used to that.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

I know that's crazy. They already start back. So, I mean, things are about to ramp up again, but excited to see some of the athletes excited for what's to come. But we'll continue this conversation we had about the off season. If you didn't get a chance to listen to last week's episode, that's what we talked about. Just some of the things that um, you know, in the offseason, some of the mental um not uh more of like your awareness and your engagement with the off-season, how that might can be a challenge for some. Maybe others embrace it. Uh, but we talked about that. And today we're gonna get more into like the habits of the off season. What nobody sees is really what comes out whenever the season comes. So we'll get to that in a minute. Uh, but we have been watching, we talked about this on the last episode. We have been getting into the World Cup. I made a joke that Justin sounds like he's in labor when he's watching the World Cup because I will be in the kitchen and I won't be, you know, I won't know what's going on with the game. And then I'll hear, uh, or ah and I've had three children and it sounds similar to some of the sounds that I made.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

But Justin, you're not alone because I posted this to Facebook and I've gotten some comments about it.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

So wow. I just I didn't even think about that.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

Yeah. But what are you making those generally speaking? What are you responding to?

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Well, I mean, it's either um there's some sort of development to where there is a one-on-one or a guy heading straight to the goal, like to the goalie without somebody defending, or there's just an opportunity, there's some space available. So you're like, oh, a goal's coming. Something could happen here. And so it's that kind of response, like, oh man, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

And I think your sound is actually more like ah, like an AH, uh, just extended on and on.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Like that's normally um laboring and competition. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

And then you'll be like, oh, like, and then I'll know, okay, I don't need to come in there and watch the replay. Yeah. Um, something reset, but that's been entertaining.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Maybe for me. Well, I mean, it's in soccer, football, you know, I I I respect it, I appreciate it. It's not necessarily my kind of sport, but I appreciate the beauty of the game. They talk about soccer being just a beautiful game and all that, and I I do get that. I see those points. Sometimes it takes a while for it to develop. And here it's coming from a baseball guy, and they're like, God, that game's so slow. And I'm like, I get it, I get it. There's appreciation for both. I do enjoy the World Cup. I enjoy, you know, Cape Verde, I mean, were was amazing against Argentina the other night. Um, the DRC did a great had a great game as well, a match. And so, like, there's been some amazing, like, small countries that have really just been incredible against the bigger ones. And um, yeah, and then the stars, the stars are actually are really in this one. Like they are doing what they're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Norway, yes, true.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Yeah, Howland, Mbappe, of course, Messi, um, and then you know, um Kane, Harry Kane as well. So, like these are the best of the best, and they're at the top of the goal scores, they're in the mix, um, they're creating.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

It's our kids have a uh a like a bracket on the wall, and they've been keeping up with do they call it the golden boot?

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Like that's an award at the end of the world.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

It is if you score the most goals in the World Cup, you get the golden boot.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

Yeah, so they they also have that little ticker going, and so Abby keeps changing those according to the you know who's scoring the goals and stuff. So we're trying in the Piggate House.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

It's been an incredible World Cup. And then, you know, we've got the if you listen to this, it'll be later, but we just had Balogun who got cleared to play for us tonight. Um, so we'll see how it goes.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Which I was going to choose that for the stretch topic today. I changed it, but I was thinking about talking about red cards because to those who really don't watch soccer, the red card situation can be very frustrating as a viewer if you don't really know what's going on. Kind of like when you're introduced to offsides for the first time. Actually, I've learned more about offsides because I thought it was just like one particular like there's just like multiple ways that offside can happen. I didn't know that until watching this World Cup. Like that's been crazy. Um, but I I think we'll save the red card conversation when Brandy can be back, or if Darius is at the table because I want to see his response.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

He'll be like, what's up? Is the other color card?

SPEAKER_02 6:41

So yeah, why are they just yellow and blue? You may know more than we think.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

So, Darius, sorry if I'm throwing you under the bus and you're not here.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

Yeah. So I want to like table that discussion because the red card thing, I remember that happening to one of our players during the SEC tournament for women's soccer and me being like, uh what? And uh about kind of the implications of the red card. So I'm gonna just that's a little tease for that. But the stretch today is actually I have a friend from Austin, Texas, who she does really funny commentary during the Olympics, and she is continuing that ability she has by commenting on the World Cup. And so I haven't read through all of her commentary just. This is Rama? Yes. Oh wow, but she included a link that was like a and I'll include it in the show notes in this, that talked about theories for these penalty kicks. Like one thing I didn't know you could do during penalty kick, so it's a stretch topic, is about like these theories, how people study to be prepared for penalty kicks. Um, and so anyway, if you want to listen to that podcast, like I said, I'll link it, but that's what the podcast is. I mean, that's what that particular podcast is about. And the but the penalty kicks situation for the World Cup that kind of caught my attention. I didn't know you could do all this like stutter step stuff.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Yeah, you just have to continue to move. I think you can't just stop.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

But some of them look like they stop.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Yeah. Are you sure? Well, I think you can't uh like fake kick and then kick. Like you have to, if you're moving to kick, you have to kick it.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

And then yesterday I noticed that they like were kind of taunting each other, like talking trash.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

That's Neymar.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

But I just, yeah, I was like, what is going on? Like, just kick the ball.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Neymar's gonna talk to everybody.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Yeah, it was crazy. But okay, in this podcast, they talk about the theories of um, you know, like how they might apply these theories to that situation in particular. Because how do you prepare for you know, okay, you were a pitcher, so how did you prepare for the hitters you were gonna face?

SPEAKER_00 8:51

I mean, your coach did kind of a scouting report. Um, we didn't have a ton of film like they have now. But if you go in the meetings today, they will have film and they'll watch hitters and swing paths and what they need to do. But the coach has gone ahead of them, watched a lot of film and knows the and they have tech to know the hot zones, cold zones, and what you're trying to get a hitter to and where you want to pitch them. Um, and so they have a plan, and so the pitching coach will be calling pitches towards that plan.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

So this theory is called game theory, and it's the study of how people make decisions when someone else is also making a decision that affect the outcome. So I think baseball is kind of a good example, but at the same time, you can't really, as a pitcher, you're gonna have certain pitches you know how to throw. You might can locate them in different spots, but you can't just like I don't I don't feel like I think that the this penalty kick situation is really interesting because I do think that it can it can seem like you could get to a place of more choices of what you do than even in that in baseball it seems still a little bit set. Like I think that you do have two people going to, you know, uh they both have their strategy, right? Like the hitter's gonna have their strategy against the pitcher, but then you have a decision to make about what you're gonna throw the hitter. So there is a little bit of the same face-off that a penalty kick is gonna provide, right? You see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

So this game theory is you have two people and they're both making decisions. So how do it how does each person strategize to play this situation out?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yeah. Well, you look at patterns, all right. That's one of those. I mean, you've got there's certain guys that will kick a certain side that they feel more comfortable with. Um, and so those goalkeepers know those patterns before they get up there. They know the mo the people that are gonna be taking the the PKs. And so you do you play that pattern or not? Um, same thing with hitters on the baseball side. There's patterns, there's pitch patterns that pitchers have patterns that they could throw and try to get to, and so you have to mix that up as well. And so, yeah, that's that's one of them.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

But do you play to your strength of your pattern, or do you play even if it's not your strength, but it's the weakness of the hitter? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Yeah, it depends on the moment, depends on what you're comfortable with, depends on how good your stuff is that day. Yeah. And if that pitch, you know, if your breaking ball is breaking like it needs to and it's good today, um, then you're gonna go with that best pitch. Sometimes you might have to make an adjustment if you can't can't find it.

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Right. So the key idea of this theory is that my best choice depends on what I think you will choose. So you could have a strength to kick to the upper right or something, but if you think that goalie is gonna know that's where you're gonna kick, then okay, I'm gonna choose the lower left or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

But also they study tendencies, so they can study footwork, hips, um, as they're going into kick, and so and you can kind of have a tell. There's sometimes there's some tells. Same thing with hitters and pitchers.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

All right. Pitchers give away something, they're like, oh man, he's coming with the change up, because I can tell based on what he's doing with his glove or how it's coming out of his hand a little bit beforehand, I could see it.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Um pitchers gotta hide that though, huh?

SPEAKER_00 12:15

They do, they're not supposed to give that away, but um tipping pitches happens, and pitchers don't know that that happens in them, man. When you see four or five guys smoke a ball straight like it, that's kind of like a obvious, like, okay, something's happening here, because you normally just can't, you know, line up a dude like that and just hit line drives everywhere and yeah, immediately. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

So you got yeah, well, okay, so I intentionally told Justin, like, I'm not gonna tell him what the the show's about today, so that I could get his answers, and that is in my notes here about like studying the movement or the position, you know, what do you just say?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

You want to watch a lot of film and see if you can find, okay, I know Messi's gonna go left if he does this.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Yeah, you know, so that just yeah, the the pattern. So this next theory is called mixed strategy theory, and it's means you randomize your choices so you're so that your opponent cannot predict you. So instead of always left, always right, you might go left 70% of the time, right 30% of the time, but the pattern must appear random. Does that apply to baseball or not?

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Um, I mean, I would just on the way I used to pitch, I would majority of the time I'd be staying on the outer half, the outer third of the plate, and just hammer that outside corner until they make an adjustment. I would show inside enough to get them off of it to show them a different look, but I was not going inside a lot at all until they made an adjustment, and then I would and then I would do that.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

So apparently elite soccer players are unusually good at producing unpredictable patterns under pressure. Like normally people can't do that. And I feel like it would be hard to But these are also the pros. Well, right. They practice for this, but I'm just saying, like, I do think that the added pressure of the moment because goals are so scarce and you're against other elite opponents, plus these stadiums are full. I mean, that's like ultimate pressure that I think that if you knew your strength is to go right, but that's predictable, I really should go left right here. I just think it'd still be hard to choose because of the moment. Like you would want like I think that that's an ultimate, like that is a discomfort to have to like press into. Oh, I mean you practice it.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

I'm not trying to say that they're but like but then there's that thing of like, okay, if I just locate it well, right, even if he goes left and I go left, I can still get the goal, but then there's that, oh man, I've gotta have I gotta be spot on.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

And then there's the speed in which you hit it, and then sometimes people hit it right up the middle.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

It's like, well, it's not just left or right, it could be soft right in the middle, and the guy's just falling down and going, shoot, I can't stop it.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there is the behavioral psychology which you talked about, and you know that the the idea is that humans think they are random, but they usually aren't. So after choosing left several times, people feel like they should choose right. So a good example of this is everybody knows the game rock, paper, scissors. If you've gone rock three times in a row, you just feel like you should go paper, like not keep going on rock, right? So opponents can't explore exploit those kinds of patterns. And then they that's why they study body language, past decisions, stress reaction, timing, all that stuff. Um, so anyway, I just thought those were really um interesting, like that that these penalty kicks, some of the games, like in that that next round, several of the games went into two extra, extra periods of time and then penalty kick. So we've actually got to see quite a bit of that. And I try to guess, like, I think I was like five for ten or something of just guess I would just guess where the player was gonna locate it based on nothing. Like I just was like, I don't know, upper left this time, whatever. And so I was already interested in like what how do they make that decision, you know? Like, cause they still, like you said, they have to locate it. But um anyway, any other thoughts on that? No. Anything you've observed?

SPEAKER_00 16:21

No, there's just always a mental side to every sport. And so there's a there's a space there, probably just the mental execution um that has to take place that's probably unique as well that I would never know because I'm not a soccer player.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

Right. But I think that because you know, the you mean us talking about baseball, I mean both of the moments are uh slower moments. You know, like in a basketball game, um, or I mean, it's just like there's not many face-off moments where nobody else is moving. It's just these two people. I mean, we're not including the catcher. I mean, helps with the strategy in the moment with baseball, but you have movement between two people thinking, what is this other person gonna do? And then you have to make a decision. Both people do. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

So it's just like it really no slow moments in basketball.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

Yeah. I mean, so yeah, you could have the tendency of a player to go right, but it's not this nothing's moving, and then uh like this moment where everything moves, you know, and you're having to make this decision. I don't know. It's just a really unique situation that I just am like it's so pressure packed. Would you want to be one of those five people in P Case to take the shot?

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Um as a non-soccer player, no.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

If you were good at the sport, if you were an elite player, 100%. Yeah, I also think that's unique too. They've got a whole roster, which I don't know. I guess they have to pick out of the people on the field. I don't know if they can't.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Yes, they have to pick out of the people on the field. So I've actually saw, and that's a new one because I don't keep up with this, but they made a late substitution. One team made a late substitution that a guy was gonna be in PKs. It was like in the 119th minute or something, at the end of extra time, they put a guy in and he actually was put in for PKs and ended up missing his PK.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Oh man. But I think even this is like a really silly comment, probably, but like in basketball, the most still moment is a free throw. You want good free throw shooters. But the thing is, this is the basket's not making a decision. Yeah, that's the uniqueness of these scenarios. That thing ain't moving. Yeah, it's gonna be there. Um, so you have the unique thing of like form, execution, all of that, but then you have an opponent that's also doing the same thing. So it's very like you just don't see that in many sports. But I do think it takes a unique athlete to say, I want to be one of the ones that's in that because it's that it's so high pressure and the stakes are so high. What was the game where it's like, Oh, I wish I could remember? It's like I can see the jerseys, but it it was um any like the team came back in the end of the PKs and tied it up, and then they went into another round, and then it goes into sudden death basically, and they came back and won. They had like a light colored grayish jersey and maybe red on the I think they're already out, but anyways, it was just like he they did not have the momentum, and then either their goalie blocked one, and so they tied it back up, anyways. It was really interesting just to watch how you can feel the momentum shift too, like when somebody makes a few in a row and then you're like, Oh man, this team, there's no way, and then but just every situation is so high stakes, yeah. It's just really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Yeah, I think that was the Netherlands match.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

I think I don't know. It was several several games ago. I don't know, but anyways, okay, so maybe you'll notice some things as you watch if you're getting into the World Cup. I mean, tonight the US plays, so by the time this comes out, we'll already know if we're moving on or not. But um it has been really interesting.

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Most televised soccer match in US history.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

I was thinking even if the US doesn't continue to go, I just feel like it's probably because it's hosted in the United States this year that like I feel like this could be the most televised sporting event when it gets to the championship.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Oh, we asked all a post today about this red card thing. Are we talking about this?

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Uh no, but you can mention it. Later. We'll bring it back. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

We'll bring it back. We'll bring it back.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

I'll talk about the oh now I'm curious though.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Well, it talks about the differences between how Europe reacts to something like this and how America reacts to something like this or the US. Okay. And so and it's just the the way we approach things, okay? We see a call go against us with the red card, and we go, that wasn't shouldn't have been a red card. And so this gets overturned, and we're like, great, that was unjust, now it's just, we're good. On the other end, Europe responds it from a different standpoint of like the integrity, the call happened, it's just life, whatever it may be, and it's the the game and whatever that side, and it's like that's just what it is. And it's this this perspective of the US, the customer is always right. And in Europe, the customer is not always right. Two different perspectives, mindsets. And for us, we are like, hey, yeah, that's right. This is fair. Now we're we're full strength, now let's play. This is what's supposed to happen. Right. The customer is right. We were wronged, now it's fair, let's play. Yeah. On the other side, Europe's just like, this is life, and it's kind of more of a negative perspective of like this just the way it is. Right. And it says a lot. It's interesting. It was a way better post of what I'm saying, but it was like, this is the issue at hand.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

I will say, I do.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Now I do hate, I do hate that Belgium only has 24 hours to prepare for Balogun to be in. And so that is frustrating why they waited three days to make a decision. Oh, wow. That's a problem. That's not fair to Belgium. I think it's right that he gets to play.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

Well, Brand Brandy was telling me this morning that the reason is because and you might know more of this than me, but she was saying like how it it's the there wasn't a call on the field. So when they're still and they did slow-mo on the VAR, which they're not supposed to do for a red card challenge. Yeah, like for still images and all this stuff, how they went about the review of it was not according to correct the rules to be able to make that call. Yes. And then he didn't blow the whistle on the field. So like last night when England played, I believe the ref blew a whistle on the field when their guy went cleat up and he did a he like slid into someone with his cleat up. Like it was a much clearer example of what the red card is supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

And he called it, went, reviewed it, came back with the red card. Like so, I mean, there's all these like nuances.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Well, it's kind of like a courtroom case. You know, if you come across that evidence in not the right way, yeah. For instance, it broke the rules of doing it in slow-mo. Right. So that evidence gets tossed. Yeah. So therefore, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Yeah. So I could see where, yeah, here in the US. It shouldn't have taken three days.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

Right. So now if we win, right. Well, it's like people are saying it's gonna be an asterisk or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

And it's like, man, no, play the game, people.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Just play. Yeah. Belgium beat us if you're better than us.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Yeah. Well, um, maybe we'll, you know, there I'm sure there's people listening that have way more insight into soccer, but it's been fun to to just watch and see what happens and also get into the game and see uh what the rest of the world gets super excited about, about their countries and everything, and how I mean everybody has like a different style too, and a little differ different flair.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

And we're all extremely biased. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Yeah. Um, okay, so as we transition into this topic, we talked about off-season and just about how just the patterns of that and what it is that makes sometimes off-season hard because you know it's the things that people don't see. So specifically, like habits that no one sees are eventually what everyone notices. And one thing that I have thought about as I've just observed sports and been in practices and just watch seasons play out is really what matters towards the end is you just find out who's really more disciplined. I mean, when it comes down to postseason play, who can or even in SEC, SEC is a gauntlet for every sport. And so it's like who can remain disciplined in their habits that they have formed, in their cohesion as a team, as their, you know, often you'll hear the commentators talk about like, well, this was their game plan for today. They they stayed true to their game plan, or maybe that'll be in a post-game interview, whatever. Um, and who can stay as close to that and discipline to that as possible is what it seems to be the people that, you know, go the furthest. Um, but that idea is, I mean, you got to form those things in the off season when nobody's watching, when there is no audience to cheer you on for, you know, hitting that last rep. Or I mean, I know that you and I talked about when we played. I mean, I my teammates might have gotten irritated with me because I was I was not the slowest one in the weight room. I was just the last one to finish. And this is not to like um throw any of my teammates under the bus, but I did every rep. And so that's why I was the last one to finish, is because people skipped reps. And I don't know how it is these days. I don't know if they have an intern there counting, you know, like making sure people are doing their stuff. But uh that really mattered a lot to me that I finished every single rep. Like I don't know, I don't know what that was in me that had to do it because I knew awkwardly they'd all be standing waiting for me to finish. But I mean, I was just like, I gotta do it all. It bothered me. It bothered you too.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Oh, 100%, 100%. Do your job, do the rep. Don't cheat, your team.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Yeah. And one thing, I mean, this kind of goes into like and don't cheat yourself. Yeah, like family and parenting, and um that I was with some friends yesterday, and we just like one of the things I guess I've observed in multiple places is the the the there's so much that's individual that we can choose now that it's very, very hard to see how my willingness or unwillingness to keep a standard personally, like my own discipline impacts the whole thing. Like if I skip this one thing, it's very hard. Like I feel in this day and age it's very hard to see how that one little thing can impact the whole group. You know? And I don't know if there was a time frame that we actually could like in our our brains actually understood that as a society, you know? But contribution is a big thing for me. Like, even in our own home, it's you know, if if somebody leaves something out on a table instead of at least moving it to the sink, like two st more stars if you move it to the dishwasher, but it's like somebody is gonna have to come along and pick that up and put it there.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

So but it's the teaching of you win as a team and you lose as a team. And it's a family building piece of like you don't touch that line and everybody else does, right, and it's not dealt with, then it just opens the door for like, well, when hard things happen, somebody's gonna fizzle out.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

You're not gonna stick with it because you bailed on us before. You didn't touch that line before.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

And the coaches know because they've been through these seasons, they know, okay, like immediately basketball in South Carolina popped in my head. They know that game is on the calendar. And you might have played really hard teams, you might have even been on this team and played that team. I'm talking about women's basketball because that's just where my brain goes. But it's like the coach knows how you're gonna have to play every single quarter as hard as you possibly can. And you might not have vision to see that, or maybe there's a self-perception of like you you might have thought that you've done something that hard, right? So that's where like trust comes in too, and allowing other people to push you when you just don't want to do it, or you don't think it's necessary, you know, because like, well, I've done that before. Well, I maybe you haven't, you know. And so I think I think there's multiple things that make those habits like really hard in the off season to like, but how important they are and how they will show up later.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Yeah, building character is not something that we're just like, oh yeah, it's great, it's hard, it's very hard.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Yeah, so the big big idea or big thought is that people notice success. Like we obviously can see, but we rarely notice the habits that it took to create that. My sister sent me a message the other day about like, yes, there are people that are really good at things, maybe child prodigies or whatever, but they still at some point had to work at what they're doing. Like, I think that that can be something even we're trying to teach our kids, like when they observe other kids around their age that are really good at something. I'm like, they didn't just hop on that piano yesterday. Like, even if they're not working super hard, like maybe it's just 30 minutes a day, but it's like they're actually putting some kind of investment there. That's why they can. And I'm like, how do I teach this lesson? Like, I'm like, how do I get this through? Because there are always habits that create this other thing. And hopefully, whatever the habits are are things that you enjoy. That would be ideal. Yeah, you're getting to do the things that you love to do, and then it produces success. Right? It's not always like hard, like, I gotta grind this out. Like, I would hope habits people get to build are things that are enjoyable, but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

Yeah, and and then as you do those things that you don't want to do, you actually start to love them, which is weird. I did not like the weight room. Yeah. When I got here, I grew to love the weight room because I had coaches that loved the weight room. And they showed me a different route and I saw what it was doing to me and how it helped me. And so I grew to love the weight room, but I didn't like it initially, you know, and there's just things. Um, I wasn't the fondest of doing different running styles and different things to get ready, but I saw what it produced later on when I was late on the mound, second wins would happen, and I'm pitching great at the end of a game because I got legs under me.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:19

And where'd that come from? The running, right? The weights, um the pushing sleds and stuff that you hated to do. Yeah, but it came from those mental challenges that you had to put yourself through. Yeah. And you're like, it's 100% worth it because I want to have it in the eighth inning. I want to have it in the ninth inning.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

In front of 14,000 people.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

In front of 14,000 people, you know. I don't want to be gassed. Um, I want to have my best stuff at the biggest moments.

SPEAKER_02 30:43

Yeah. Man. And then also repeating the basics. How did how do you stay? I think that that takes some creativity, like to keep something that's basic enjoyable. You know what I'm saying? Did you ever notice, like, because I mean I feel like pitching obviously is very technical. So you'd have to repeat a lot of that's I guess my point too, again, is that especially to be really, really good at something, you have to be disciplined. And in what I'm trying to say is doing the same thing over and over, almost like the same way, get as close to the same way every single time. So that every time it's executed. That takes a lot of discipline to do that.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

It does. And I I'm taking it to pitching for me, because that's what I did. And I wasn't a flashy strikeout guy. I could get it when I needed it at times, but I was a pitch to contact guy. There is nothing sexy and exciting about pitching to contact. You're getting early outs and you're off hopefully off the mound in eight to twelve pitches. It's great from that standpoint. But it is not like, oh man, he just struck out the side, you know, that's a awesome, and he made these guys look ridiculous. And so when you pitch to contact, you're focusing on putting the ball in certain zones consistently every single time to get that kind of contact that you want. And so it's not exciting at all.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Did your practice plan look similar every day as far as like the pitching side? Like, what are the things that you had to repeat over and over and over that was like just basic things?

SPEAKER_00 32:18

Yeah, just locating the ball down and away. Down and away, down and away. And I would look focus on throwing it the other side as well. You gotta throw both sides of the plate. And then pitchers, you know, you got a left-hander and a right hander, so you have to flip it. But to be able to locate the ball where you want to locate it is not uh it takes a lot of practice.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Well, I know I our son Eli will dabble in basketball. And when I've tried to teach him some stuff, I'm like, the first thing that you should do when you get out here is get like a foot away, not even a foot away, probably from the goal, and just have the ball in your shooting hand and just form shooting is what it's called. And the goal would be to get from each side of the basket and then in front of the basket, 10 in a row, not hitting the rim, and then you can back up a step. And like it, it's like that's not super flashy either.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

No, no, I could not see, and I didn't play basketball long enough because I couldn't do that. That kind of stuff bothered me.

unknown 33:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

It just I don't want to sit here and do the same little boring shot, but it worked for me on the baseball side.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Doing the arm care, doing that exercise, whatever, to fuel my body a certain way to know I can do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

But when I step into women's basketball practice or men's basketball practice, well, I don't go in there very much, but you know, like, what are they doing? Form shooting at Division I SEC. They are right there by the goal. Form shooting, because that is like the most basic thing you can do to warm up your shot.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

But it's not, it's not the fun like dribble drive. It's not the fun three-point shot, you know, like, but you got to do that over and over and over, and you can see at this level they're still doing that.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

And my basketball form is trash, but I can still pitch, I can still locate a ball because my form is still good.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Yeah. Um, I mentioned discipline and people that are really good at stuff. Obviously, you don't become disciplined overnight. You do this one decision at a time. That's why I mean, I I I would say that I was I've loosened up quite a bit, but it is things. I use our house as an example because that's every day, like just repeated things. But just this past weekend, I was like, everybody chipped in so that we could clean the whole house. And I think we did it under two hours, which was like tidy up, which is one thing for ladies listening. They might know what I'm no offense, guys. But tidying up and cleaning are two different things, you know, you got to pick up everything, which does make it look better, but then like actually get the cleaning supplies out and like clean stuff, dust, vacuum, whatever. And so we did both, and I think it was under two hours, which was pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Yeah, it was good.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

But in my head, though, I would love for our kids to understand if you just picked up every night, then we only have to clean for maybe an hour and we're done. Like it's that it's that just shift of like if I just do a little bit every day, then it doesn't all pile up and then I have to like deal with it all at once. And I fail to do that in every area. I don't know that I could do a little bit every day in every bucket.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

You know, we were a lot better at that in college, I think.

SPEAKER_02 35:24

Yeah, well, when you have more things that you're juggling, it does make it hard. Um, but the idea that it's one decision at a time.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

Like that's what helps you become disciplined is, you know, I mean, I feel like our schedules get off, but I'm a better person if I can move a little bit in the morning. It doesn't even have to be a ton, but it's like just do some kind of stretching, some kind of exercises, something, and that's a decision I have to make, or like to make the bed. Those are two things I did this morning. That's why I'm giving those examples. I noticed that. I noticed. But I noticed means see, I don't do that every day. Um, and so I gotta work on that. So, anyways, and then little habits compound. So we talk about compound interests. That is not what this episode's about. You do not want me giving you any kind of uh advice on any of that, but it's you know, like life on life on these decisions over days, weeks, years. You know, there's been decisions that we've made over our life that it's like I mean, I feel like I keep going back to parenting, but like parenting's hard because you have this vision of what you hope your kids can become and what but it's really this this idea of all this stuff is not in its full form yet, but it is compounding every day, you know? So we do get to see flashes of that when our kids, you know, you put all this, you invest all this time and energy into their character or whatever, and you see it play out and you're like, oh great, I'm glad, because sometimes it can be rough at home, but it's rewarding in that sense. But I mean, I'm sure that there's other areas too where it's just like those things you're thankful for all the little decisions you made along the way, you know, even though you still mess up or you're not perfect at it, it's just like, oh, I'm so glad we did make those decisions though when we did Yeah, holding a standard and them still liking you is a is a win for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Because you're trying to communicate with them. Like I I was just giving a time talking to one of our kids yesterday and he felt like I was getting on to him a lot, and I said, Well, buddy, I said, We've got somewhere to be at a certain time and you're not moving. And so when you're not moving, I have to remind you of how you need to move to get ready. And you did that multiple times, so therefore you heard from me multiple times. And that's why it sounds like I'm on you. I'm not mad at you, but you're just not moving.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

Yeah. I'm gonna need you to move.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Yeah, you need to get on your stuff. Yeah. And we were late and whatever, and we moved on, but it was a teachable moment. Um, yeah, that's what it is.

SPEAKER_02 38:07

Yeah, but you ha it's that idea of you're like stacking days or stacking weeks, stacking years.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

I've learned I've had to revisit those things to make sure we're on the same page from it. Otherwise, some things kind of carry over and it's like, well, dad's always mad at me, and I'm working out.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

Which is a good a good example of how it can be negative. You can be compounding in a negative way.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Exactly. You know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

And so I think that's why even my maybe silly example about the bed or like getting up to move is like you can always restart and like start trending in the direction of like getting some discipline back. And I think that that's something that is a very hard thing. Maddie uh farmer several episodes ago, she you know, had played softball here. Softball had been her life. And I think that this would be this was a challenge for me personally, but through every major life transition, I think that is the hardest thing. If you did have discipline at a certain point or in a certain area of your life, and you feel you feel like your head is clear, you feel rhythm, you feel momentum in your life, and then some kind of life event happens. You graduate, you move, you get married, you have a kid, there's a death in the family. Like there's just so many things that can interrupt some kind of rhythm we have. I think that or health crisis, something, I think that that is the hardest to get going again because you feel like, oh, everything's lost. But it's kind of like muscle memory. I think that's what's so unique about athletics is that no matter what at what age you've plugged into athletics in some way, shape, or form, it just it's going to teach you some kind of like discipline. You gotta show up, you gotta work hard, you know. And some of us get those lessons deeper further than others, depending on our engagement, but it is a place where it teaches you that. So I'm thankful for that because but you can sometimes feel like you're failing because you're like, well, at one point I was doing all those things and I just like can't do it again. But you can always like reset is kind of your your muscle memory to those things, you know. That if you didn't have athletics, I'm not saying you can't learn those lessons. It's just hard to think of another space that just kind of naturally teaches you um where to show up. But I think any kind of team type function type thing, you know, if you get involved in those things when you're younger, hopefully that'll kick back in when you're older, kind of like muscle memory does.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Yeah, I think as a former athlete, there's a love-hate relationship with discipline of like you remember going through it and you remember how that structure was so beneficial to you and the shape that you were in. Um, but then you also like know how hard it was uh in regards to like just what it did on your body as well. But then you get out of it and then you enter a new season of marriage or parenting in the mix of all that. And then I think in some ways, and then yeah, you miss the sport, but then you're like, oh God, to be that disciplined again would be so great. And then we're always kind of like rubbing up against that, I feel like, in the days ahead and the new seasons of life. We're like, all right, discipline, that's how we're gonna do it, and then it's like and then we're like back and forth.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

I remember a season where you felt um this was post-college that you felt super disciplined physically. That's when we were in Dallas and you trained for that half or for the marathon, and you were also working at Home Depot. And doing CrossFit. And doing CrossFit. CrossFit. You're like, I feel great. Um, and this is also not to at all throw Justin under the bus. But he also like I was pregnant at the time and I wasn't working, but the kids were in a school where they went to school two days a week and then they were home the other three days, and so and he did a good job managing this, but there was times where it was like you were doing those things. It my point in saying all of this is that you were disciplined in that area, but that it's hard to juggle everything because there was also time that you could have been with us. I don't know that you needed to be, but that those things took up.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:03

And so I always kind of, you know, it's like it's really hard to be that way about every single area of your life. You know, like anytime I think that Instagram or social media can give us this impression if we're just looking, like we see these outward pictures of people's lives, these just the pictures, and I've learned to grow that or learned to say to myself, like, that's awesome that they can cook that clean for their family every week. But my guess is that not every area is that squeaky, tidy, and maybe people are, and I just need to learn more habits or something, but it's helped me not put so much pressure on myself because I do think that there's ebbs and flows with what we can be disciplined on because we'll compromise in other areas for the sake of discipline over here, and I think that's probably the biggest challenge having a family is like taking care of yourself, want to take care of your family, but not compromising the things they need so that I can make sure that my ducks are in a row over here. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I this is funny. I was uh I got asked to speak at the father-son camp last year for baseball, and um, I remember listening to the radio, I think some point that week, it was uh AFR, American Family Radio, or K-Love, one of them, I don't know. And you know, they have fun little stories here and there, but one of them was like, I think this was AFR, and they were like, as parents, we you know, we're trying to get everything right, you're trying to set your kids up, all those things. And based on a study, I don't know what the study was, but it was like, if you just get 30% right as a parent, your kids are gonna turn out fine. And I was like, all right, man, that's the message. I mean, it was one thing I shared amongst many things, um, with the father son camp. But that was kind of a breath of fresh air. Now, it could have been an awful study. I don't know. Um, but 30% right, right? Okay, that's hard for the disciplined mind to be like, oh yeah, a coach. You imagine my baseball coach pulp being like, We're just gonna go. This 30%. 30%. Yeah. He would not have a statue up right now.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

Right. Yeah. I just I think that prioritizing what it is that you think that you're going to need in the future is potentially where you need to put your focus of your discipline. You know? Um, I'm bringing my sister up a lot in this episode, but like she was saying she wants to increase her capacity to handle stress because of the type of work she does. And so it makes sense listening to her talk about that, that she would her work is not physically stressful. She sits at a desk, but it's very high professional level, like high-stakes type work. And so she needs to be able to be mentally fit and um you know, just to handle that amount of stress and then handle her like how her employees and all that stuff. So she is looking at how do I learn how like to challenge myself physically to have endurance so that my stress capacity can increase so that at work certain things like I can have that level to handle that level of stress. So it makes sense to me why she wants to invest in discipline there because it's like she's wanting to it to produce this over here, kind of like you were talking about the weight room produced for you though that extra second wind on the mound. And so I think that makes a little bit more sense in deciding where does that effort go? Because I don't know what it was um maybe some kind of social media post about millennials, and it was like, you know, we gotta be able to do this, this. I mean, it was an insane list of things, you know, make clean meals for our family, work out this much time a day, be excellent at our jobs, like emotionally available for our kids. Like, I mean saving this amount of money, all the things, you know, and so it be can become very overwhelming because, like I said, I just don't know that it's humanly possible to be that disciplined about every little thing. And so, yeah, it's um I think it ebbs and flows based on your life and what season you're in. So I'd be interested to see if people have comments on this. Um, feel free to chime in. But as far as like spiritually speaking, I all of these things I think apply the same way. Like there's been again, I'm referencing Maddie Farmer, if you want to go back and listen to that episode, because she gave a really good like what that feel is when you transition from college and so many things operating in and around your sport, even your spiritual life, flowing through that and how you engage with the Lord based on what you're physically going. I mean, it makes sense, like because that is the world that you're living in and engaging with, and you're facing fears and you're facing pressure, and so you gotta find some kind of way to walk through that. Um, and but then those things change because you're not in an environment with fans and pressure and all that all the time, but now you're in a marriage and now you're in work environment that's new or different or doing school or whatever. And so I don't know. I I she did such a good job. I'm not gonna try to rehash all of that. Um, but I mean, the same types of things, like we're building habits in that space too. Like, do we have the ability to quiet ourselves? Um, you know, and making that one habit to quiet ourselves or to learn how to pray or to engage with scripture or whatever, those things also compound over the years of just making those decisions. And I think uh sometimes I know I would feel guilty like if I didn't do certain practices every single day. But what I found was the consistency of just doing, like just involving, just showing up, just engaging in these things that like again, sometimes it looked like um prayer more in a season, sometimes it looked more like Bible study, sometimes it looked more like just getting quiet, but just staying consistent. And that's one thing that we noticed about students with FCA this past year, just kind of repeated over and over was I'm gonna make showing up to FCA a priority. Now, like who knows between Mondays what was going on habit-wise, but like let's just say they just did that one thing. I would think that some of them would say like that made a dramatic impact. Just and that's I guess what I'm saying is like not everything has to be so we don't have to be like professional, like elite in every aspect of our lives. Like, I don't have to be an elite nutritionist to be able to provide somewhat good meals for my family, you know? And I think that's where the pressure is, is like because we know what how high people can perform, and especially we have social media to like inform us of that because we're seeing it all the time. You think that's the level that you have to live at, and it's like there's no way I can do that in every column of my life.

SPEAKER_01 48:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

Um and so we can feel that way spiritually too. You can be like, well, this person prays and fasts, you know, X amount of days a year, so I must have to do that if I'm gonna be close to the Lord. You know what I'm saying? But it's like discipline can look like you're just continuing to do the healthy things every week.

SPEAKER_00 49:19

Yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

You have anything to add to that?

SPEAKER_00 49:22

No, it's good.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

You remember at all feeling any of that type of pressure?

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Oh, definitely. I mean, you there is a standard that you especially if you're playing at a high level in athletics, and there's a standard that you feel like you have to meet. And so that you take that, it's easy to take that. Well, I was at this standard for this, so now I need to be at this standard for this and this, and then you're like, It's really demotivating. I think it takes Dude, I did not want to get in the weight room after a while. Right. Because I'm like, I've done this for so long. I need to get it. It's hard.

SPEAKER_02 49:53

It's hard when you know what level you could go to. And then doing something like I'm just doing right now, stretching and like push-ups, things like this that are easy just body weight, yeah, to get back into some kind of place where I could lift weights. And but I've done a lot more than that. And even running, I'm like, if I could just get a mile in. And I've done marathons, I've run a lot, and so I think it is hard to like pare down when you have that level that you've been able to execute before in the past. And um, so yeah, I think that discipline can look different. Like it's I have to be okay with like if I can do 15 minutes of discipline in this area, that hopefully will then get me to that's kind of my future things. Like, that's gonna get me back to where I could go into a weight room, but I can't right now. Like, I'm honest enough with myself to know that. Or like if I can continue to run just this, then hopefully I can run another half. And if I can't, I'll have to pare down on that too, just based on how my body is. But that it it I think it is if we can't get back to a certain level that we know we're we were capable of at one point in time, I think that can be demotivating where you just don't do it at all. Yeah. Yeah. And it can the same can be spiritually too. Like if we felt close to the Lord, and I think that that keeps us from transitioning into new seasons of something new and different. Because the Bible does say that like he's always doing something new. And so if you're like, well, I gotta get back to what I used to do before, you'll miss what's ahead. Yeah. Because you're clinging on to like a former discipline. So there's a lot of movement.

SPEAKER_00 51:40

I mean, I'm down four years removed from that, four plus years removed from that marathon since Ben. Yeah. You know, and uh hadn't done much since.

SPEAKER_02 51:51

What would you say are habits though that obviously we I I don't think it's possible to be now again I could be totally proven wrong, but I don't think it's possible to be elite in every single category of your life in every season of your life. But I'm here to somebody can prove me wrong if that's the case. But what do you think are small things that are like I'll just say doing the little things well that do translate into every season? Maybe it's not always the amount, but it is some kind of habit that you can take into every season. Like doing finishing, I think, things is a big deal. Not doing things halfway. Um, even if it's over several days, but like you finish, you don't just like leave projects open all the time. I think that's a good habit that translates into any season of life.

SPEAKER_00 52:43

I wish I did that with some of the honeydew list things that I have at the house.

SPEAKER_02 52:46

But I got some of those on my mind. Oh, how you always have them on your mind. I walked into our small shed that needs to be like needs a new roof, and I noticed another patch of um like rot that I didn't know was in there. You probably know because you go in there. But anyway, I was like, oh, great. It's brutal. Um, but like that's not fair to you, though.

SPEAKER_00 53:07

Well, there's actually an article. Uh the article is a study. Here we go. I talked about the significance of making your bed every day. So you thought of me this morning after you saw that? I did. I did.

SPEAKER_02 53:18

You thought she must have read that article.

SPEAKER_00 53:20

No, man, but there is a study of doing something small like that in the order of it. And you're like, well, you know, in the military, there's there's standards and all those things. And you're like, there is actually something to that. Yeah. You start your day making your bed, it's like, man, I just completed something.

SPEAKER_02 53:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

And it kind of gets you going.

SPEAKER_02 53:35

I'll let you make it tomorrow so you can have that satisfaction.

SPEAKER_00 53:38

I know. I could probably use that. I did take the dog on a walk this morning, which is a step forward, you know, of movement. And also our kids slept in a long time, so we had a lot of morning time.

SPEAKER_02 53:49

Maybe that's the key is we have to get up and get stuff moving, and then they because we're anticipating interruption, at least I am. Yeah. That's why it's hard to get started sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Yeah, our little alarm clock, Benjamin, wakes up at seven and jumps into bed with us, and we're like, oh, here we go.

SPEAKER_02 54:04

So doing like one small thing first thing in the morning, finishing thing. Um doing small things. Well, I think uh listening is a lost art, but I think habits like listening, responding, I don't know what that would be in a like a habit form, but that would be something that is a good habit that will, you know, that can be translated in multiple things. Listening well, um, responding the first time to things, not having to be told the same thing over and over. Doing something the first time you think about it, not you know, like that's really hard for me sometimes, is I'll think about something. I mean, I've had someone on my mind to text for like three days and I've not done it yet.

SPEAKER_00 54:50

I text them this morning. I did it. Yeah, that's uh it took me three days.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

Yeah, but I I mean I guess that's the follow-through thing is like it kind of goes in that finishing category, you know. Um starting, just get started. Like I think that's another habit of having that kind of mindset or attitude. I can be overwhelmed by the bigness of how something feels. And I instead of just being like, just you don't you don't have to chart out exactly how that's all gonna come out, just do the first step. Like that might be my my habit would be like just do the first step. Don't worry about all the other things that's gonna have to be required to get there.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

Um, anything else come to mind?

SPEAKER_00 55:32

You know, I was thinking about the movie that we just watched, and you've been using this phrase recently um Enola Holmes 3. Uh we enjoy those, and um but in the it refers back to a statement in the second one where Sherlock would tell Enola, you're emotional, and that's not necessary.

SPEAKER_02 55:54

I love that, and I'm gonna be the one that needs to be told that, but I do love that.

SPEAKER_00 55:58

And it's a great flip in the third one, and you need to watch it, but she uses it on Sherlock. And so what we have found is I've hearing Bethany say this a lot to our kids lately.

SPEAKER_02 56:07

No, I haven't.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

I've heard you say this twice.

SPEAKER_02 56:10

People are gonna be worried about me.

SPEAKER_00 56:12

No, of just being like, you know what, you're emotional right now, and it's just not necessary. It's just not something to be emotional about.

SPEAKER_02 56:19

Just a little asterisk for this moment. I do think emotions are I don't think I think they're fine. I think they're indicators of other things. Um they're alarms, they're really good to be like, but but yeah, we can learn to be emotional about the wrong things though. Yes, like, and so I think that is where you know it's it's more of like a a cue phrase, not like not being like tacky and be like, stop crying, um, but more of like, hey, slow down. It's not necessary to get so ramped up. Like, we need to understand the situation better.

SPEAKER_00 56:54

Husbands, do not say this to your wife.

SPEAKER_02 56:58

You're being emotional right now, Bethany. And it's not necessary. Yeah, we'll see how well that goes over.

SPEAKER_00 57:05

Husbands, do not say this to your wife.

SPEAKER_02 57:07

Hey, you know what though? What is an emotion that you that you um display that I might say that to?

SPEAKER_00 57:16

Uh oh, either being late. I I get frustrated being late. Um the emotion that you have though. Yeah, that would be frustration. Yeah, frustration. Okay. I'm just thinking about certain instances.

SPEAKER_02 57:30

I'm talking about the emotion you show. Because we show emotion very different. Justin, I would guess you would say you don't think yourself an emotional person.

SPEAKER_00 57:39

Like impatience, like not being patient.

SPEAKER_02 57:42

Yeah, I think just like irritated.

SPEAKER_00 57:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:45

Like I think that's when I would probably say that to you.

SPEAKER_00 57:48

Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_02 57:49

But you I don't know that you would interpret what I'm saying as that you're being emotional. I'm wondering if that's like that for other guys. Like Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:55

I'm totally being emotional. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:57

Like, with kids, if like anger or frustration or irritation is an emotion. Yeah. But that's normally not what we say is being emotional. Like we would normally say someone's emotional by crying or pitching a fit or whatever. But the same is true if you get like anything that's kind of blowing something up out of proportion.

SPEAKER_00 58:19

Pitching a fit it falls into many different types of emotions.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

Anger. Anyways, that would be fit just looks differently. Yeah. I probably would be like, if I get my emotion would probably be like, if I just get ramped up about something. Like just um, what's the word I'm looking for? It's like blowing it out of proportion. Irrational. Oh. If I start getting like irrational or and I know women have probably more of a tendency to do that where it's like we're already making up a story.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

Bethany, you're being irrational and it's not necessary.

SPEAKER_02 58:54

Justin, you're being angry. Yeah, we'll let you know how that goes over in our home if those things come out of our mouths. Um, no, but ultimately it is about helping build healthier response habits because the goal would be whether it's for me or Justin or our family or hopefully anybody that we lead, is to serve people well, to understand the situation, to listen well. And so by helping each other navigate those things, you're preparing your future self for higher intense moments where someone is being super emotional and you're not getting revved up. Those are really good. I've noticed situations where I've built habits in that area. And if I'm consistently putting those habits in that bucket and practicing that, then whenever these like hot moments happen where someone's revved up and you could match that and then blow things up even more, it's very satisfying to be able to be calm. And I actually did comment on the ref that was between England and Mexico, and he displayed this really well because he was in the craziest environment there in Mexico City, right? That's what they were playing. Yeah, and then obviously their team is down, they were a pretty emotional team. I mean, so much going on, and this guy was not, he didn't look moved really. I mean, he like he looked like he used his emotions really well when he needed to to keep the game in order, but he didn't look like you know, sometimes these refs they lose it too. Yeah, and you never saw that, so that was pretty impressive to me because I that's that's a lot. Like I can't imagine being in that scenario.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:35

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:36

I'm just remembering last story, and we'll wrap up. Uh, we lived in Austin, Texas, and I was at an HEV parking lot, and I was working on some emotional like maturity and skills, and I accidentally backed in me and somebody else were backing up out of our parking spots at the same time. And I got out of the car, and this girl was like, I don't remember what she even said, but her gestures and her, you know, comments were not good. So obviously I knew this is not and immediately, I mean, you wanna you feel like you're in a you have to defend yourself. But I can't remember what I said, but I just kept the tone of voice that I had and I just said something really calm. Like, I don't know, like, do you have your insurance card? Or I don't know what it was, but it was something that I kind of shocked myself that I was so calm. And then that de-escalated her, and then we were able to like talk it out. But if I had come in hot and met her frustration with that, then obviously it would have could have blown up into something that was even maybe not safe.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:38

I feel like I'm better with that with other people. Yeah, man, my kids, I feel like I'm not the best example at times. There are times where I'm like, oh, that was a win. That was a parenting win. Good job, dad. And then I see things that they do and I go, Oh gosh, I've done that.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:53

Like, that's why they respond that way, or that's why they have a tone that way, and that's why they get frustrated because I'm the idiot that produced that in them.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:01

Like, you know, it's but those are questions as we're talking about parents, but as leaders in general that all through the years, I mean, I think of an instance with FCA years ago, we were able to do so much more with a leadership team, and there was a situation that really got me fired up that of some feedback we received, and I was young too, so it's like, you know, I'm learning, whatever. Um, I've hopefully grown in how I can handle feedback now. But at that point, it was still pretty tough because I was like, you know, proud of what we were doing, blah, blah, blah, blah. And um, so I get this feedback, and it was pretty like like challenging on our leadership. And but it made me at some point some kind of clear thought got through to my brain as I was, you know, being irrational. And some kind of clear thought got through, and it was like, yeah, but how much have you really prepared them or taught them? Like you're actually expecting them to know certain things that you already know, but you really haven't taught and put into the material that you're using. So you're expecting them to respond a certain way, but you or to engage with leading people a certain way, but you're not teaching them those things. And so that we changed a lot after that year. I realized we were gonna have to have values and we're gonna have to have expectations that we communicate and like all this stuff, and it really helped shape like our leadership from then on out. But it's helped shape me personally, because I mean, even this applied yesterday. I had I'm trying to get the kids to do some different things, and yesterday Abby cooked dinner and she wanted to cook chicken spaghetti, and so I was like, Okay, well, here's the rotisserie chicken, you gotta peel the chicken, peel the skin off the chicken. And she was like, How do you do that? I was like, just go for it. You know, I left the room, but then I came back and I was like, Hey, do you need help with that? And she was actually like figuring it out, but there was some areas she wasn't sure about. So I like helped her, but then there was other things about like getting the pan out of the oven, and if the if you've used the stove and it's a glass pan, you don't want to put the glass pan on the stove after this is hot because it'll crack and you know, stuff like this. Where I think sometimes it's good when people can just like there's something a skill built when you're just like, just figure it out, but there's also that like coming alongside like what am I putting in? I have this expectation, but really have I helped them know how to achieve that or accomplish that. Um, and that has stayed with me since that instance back that was probably 2012 or so.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:31

Feedback will do that. Good feedback.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:34

Yeah, I mean, it was very hard to receive it's not easy because I was very proudful about like what job I thought that we had done, you know. And so, um, but it it helps have healthy expectations for yourself and other people when you're like, well, if I'm not teaching them that, then that's not fair. And I think that that it goes into coaching, any area of leadership, and you know, it's like, what are you putting in to help then get that out? And I I think that was that's been something that's fueled me in this space with FCA through the years and my experience with sports specifically is just how repeatedly athletes are told, like, somebody needs to step up and lead. And it would always frustrate me because I would have the desire to do that, but I didn't necessarily know how, you know, and so um helping people I love getting to observe coaches do this now because that is an area that has really grown over the past 10, 20 years, or coaches that have the relational and emotional ability to do that, and it's very cool to watch coaches get out there and model what they're wanting from their athletes because that was something that was a challenge for me. It felt things felt elusive. It was like you're describing something that I don't have a picture for, but now coaches are stepping into that space, giving these kids pictures of what it is that they're expecting, and that's super helpful.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:59

Mm-hmm. It is great to see. It's nice when you have a coach like uh Patty Gasso in an interview and they're like, Man, what do you what's the thing for this team? Like, what's your goal for this team this year? And da-da-da. And she's just like, I just want to learn how to love these girls the best that I can. That's what I get to do every year. Learn how to love this team the best this year. And to get to our girls individually and love them the way they need to be loved. Dang.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:27

But you know, that's the the value of good habits, yeah, is that you can be teaching people and showing people stuff without even having to be super intentional. It's just the way that you're living your life, you know? And I've noticed that people will even think not that you're trying to trick people, but if you're consistent enough in what you do and what's important to you, you might miss days, you might have seasons where you don't do it, but the how people perceive who you are is based on the consistency of the habits that they've seen in your life. And so that's their perception of you. It's like, oh, you're all about blah, blah, blah. And I can feel like I'm failing at that, but it's they've seen it enough consistently in your life. So, like your example of saying with the kids, it's like, yeah, but I've done that before. Well, it works the same for like positive habits too. Yeah. You know, like when they see how you handle a variety of things, um, it's like they're learning those skills too. So, anyways, all for you know, building all those good habits that compound day after day after day.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:34

30%.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:35

30% 70% can be bad. Hey, we're just now we're going back to this theory about like, is it random? Like, we're just are we predictable in our habits, like these penalty kicks? I hope we are. I hope we are a little bit more. I hope we are predictable. Um, but anyways, maybe a closing challenge today can be to choose one habit and do it every day this week. Little fun, fun thing, whatever that may be.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:59

Make your bed.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:00

Make your bed, eat a piece of fruit.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:02

Walk the dog, eat a piece of fruit, put a veggie in your mouth for one time.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:10

For one time. Oh my goodness. Okay, well, we have enjoyed the conversation. I hope that it has produced something positive for you on the other end. Um, we'll have more voices at the table in the coming weeks. But as always, thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to the Created to Be Podcast. To learn more about Mississippi State FCA, visit www.msufca.org and follow us on Instagram at Hale State FCA underscore. And check out our new Instagram for podcast content at Created to Be Podcast. If you would like to become a financial partner, visit www.fca.orgslash donate to sew into the work God is doing through FCA at Mississippi State.