The Magical Midlife Crisis
This is the magical midlife crisis podcast, we're your hosts, I'm Court, a compassion activist, animal lover, nature nut and entrepreneur in the mind, body, spirit connections. And I Meg, a free thinker with a passion for non toxic living, a dedicated hockey mom and a multi business owner. We are a couple of friends who met through health and heartache.
We discovered through our crisis moments, we all have magic within us. This podcast is about awakening to a different perspective and being the creators of our own reality. Every Sunday, you can expect an abundance of stories from all kinds of kinds in their different layers of awakening. We hope you expand your heart and minds and create the shift with us.
So unplug from the matrix and tune in to this magical mystery ride...
The Magical Midlife Crisis
Episode 6: Overcoming Obstacles: Faith and Resilience with Mike Crawford
n this episode of the Magical Midlife Crisis podcast, hosts Courtenay and Meg chat with Mike Crawford. They cover topics around tenacity, overcoming procrastination, and how creativity and a mindset shift can help you achieve your goals. They also delve deeply into the importance of personal connections, faith, and the challenges of control and loneliness. Mike shares personal stories and reflections on his journey of faith, personal growth, and resilience.
00:00 Introduction
00:38 Vision and Tenacity
04:06 Overcoming Procrastination
05:46 Daily Challenges and Success
03:41 Faith, Grace, and Mercy
17:55 The Importance of Connection
20:10 Transformation through Faith
41:28 Overcoming Control and Loneliness
01:04:36 Impact of Connections
01:06:04 Closing Thoughts and Farewell
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Directly connect with Meg: @megzdeb
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Connect to us both: themagicalmidlifecrisis@gmail.com --- Write to us! We'd love to learn about a magical midlife crisis story of your own or someone you know!
welcome to the magical midlife crisis. Podcast. We are your hosts I'm court in Dai mag. We are both. Wellness entrepreneurs with a passion for freethinking and nontoxic living. We are a couple of friends who met on our transformational journey and we discovered. Covered through our crisis moments. We all have infinite potential within us. Us this podcast is about awakening to a different perspective and being the creators. of our own reality. We will be connecting with you through our personal stories. It's from the darkness to light. We hope you expand your heart and mind. And. Create the shift with us. So unplugged from the matrix and let's dive into this. As far as how much the people that, you know, wanted to get to the moon, create the invention and how much they were, um, ostracized for believing that it's possible. And then, I mean, I just, I love hearing those stories about those people that were, were looked at as crazy and they did it anyway. And look how the entire human race has, has like been shifted and changed in, in great ways for the most part, obviously, um, because of their insanity. Well, I mean, I'm giving up it tenacity is like a superpower. Right. It is in my career, I was both a leader and, and a follower and the people that frustrated me the most were the ones that said, this has to be done. And I sat there with no ability to get it done, but in order to follow. Right. So, you know, I, I'm either blessed or cursed with this belief that if I've been told I'd got to get it done, I got to figure it out. And I've done that since I was a little kid. It's just how I was built. So, you know, I, I always had that, that drive to look beyond what I quote unquote knew so that I could figure out what had to get done and, and, and be successful. And it probably came from a place of such a deep need to be accepted by people of authority, like parents. I used mostly my dad, um, that I, I never really got into the psychology of it, but there was always a need that drove me to do things. That I had once considered impossible or improbable, or just absolutely clueless about. And I figured it out. And in fact, when I, when I started my consulting business back in 2021, I met with my dad, this is my pops, my stepfather. Um, I met with him and my mom at the time. And, um, this is part of what's going to be in my new book, but just kind of circle back to like the feeling that was going on within me when I, I had no idea what the hell I was going to do. I couldn't keep doing my job anymore. So I had this, this conversation with my folks and of course they were like extraordinarily welcoming of the idea and all we're so happy for you, honey. That's great. And then pops looks at me dead in the eyes. Like, so how are you going to monetize that? And I'm like, I have no idea, but I'll figure it out. And I did, you know, I did. Um, and I didn't do it because I knew what to do. I did it because I knew what to do next. And I kept doing that over and over and over and over. And you had said something earlier that we we've evolved, right. And hopefully in a good way, I wish that were true, but what it was true is that formula works for both. Goodness and evil. It really does and um, I'm, just really grateful and i'm proud and and i'm blessed to be on what I think is the good side of it You know that really am yeah well, and i've just been learning a lot about procrastination because I feel like what you're talking about as far as this value that you've discovered so young in building your character and it's allowed you to to like create and get to the point of like production where I have like suffered quote unquote suffered choose to suffer in procrastination where it's like I see that angle and this is probably what you deal with in your consulting business, probably more often than not, but it's like, what gets in the way of you taking that next step? And it's either, you know, really, truly not knowing what to do and then not finding the resource to surround yourself with building into that next step, whatever it is, because a lot of the time it's lack of confidence or, um, you know, lack of belief. So it's like. Actually taking the responsibility to be around people that do know what that next step is, or at least just something to get you to take action. Cause I think that lack of taking action is where I lived and where now I see so many people live and not that I'm all about complete and utter action taking. I still have programs that are trying to keep me stuck, but like is, is that like one of the biggest. Focuses that you have with your business and working with people. Yeah. I mean, it's, I think it's a daily battle that we all face at different levels, right? Different dosages of, of challenge. Um, I I'll give you the example that I work with all the time. What is I'm going to pick on Meg, Meg, what is your favorite meal?
Meg:I just like a good, um, favorite meal. I like a good, um, steak.
What, what cut like a filet of rib eye? Filet, I'm a
Meg:filet girl. Preferably, you know, grass fed.
Yeah, well, duh. Uh, alright, so do you go for like that, that like 7 ounce, or you like the 12 ounce filet? What do you think? I'm a big, I like to eat, so I go for the big one. Yeah, alright, awesome. Even a 16 ounce filet, right? Well, that might be a little too much for me if I Yeah, okay, so 12. All right. So you have a clear vision. Yeah. You have a clear vision about what you want, right? Yeah. Now I'm going to produce that steak. What, how do you like it? Uh, medium? Well, medium or medium. Okay. So we'll go with medium something. I'm going to take that 12 ounce filet and I'm going to force it down your throat and what's going to happen. I think I might choke on it. You're going to choke to death, right? That's you trying to assume the vision in one bite, consume the vision in one bite. Okay. And guess what? It's impossible. It's impossible for you. It's impossible for us. It's impossible for the collective of mankind. But what isn't impossible is taking a bite, chewing it, tasting it, digesting it, letting it be become part of who you are, because that's what food is ultimately becomes part of who we are. And then going on to the next one and enjoying it and success and execution to a vision is all about taking the bite sized piece. That feels like you'll enjoy it and actually enjoying it. Cause I think I shared with you guys before it's money, time, wisdom, and energy, the four banks, right? We want to be able to do something with our time today that not only gives us. A sense of purpose, but energizes us to spend more time doing the same types of things. So when we, when we, when we fuel ourselves with bite sized pieces about our, of, of obtaining our vision or our goal, then we get excited about doing it again. And we get some wisdom because we now got the experience of having done it and we get maybe paid for that, or we get paid in a way that. That maybe isn't monetary, but because we've done this, now we can see much more. We have much more ability to plan our time. It's just so healthy. Um, so you get the experience of the filet, right? But you, you're, you're just taking the next right step towards really obtaining the vision in your life that looks good. More often than not, what happens is people have a vision that becomes something different. For Right. So we start out on a plan towards this vision and they feel like that's what looks great. But they learn enough along the way to go, you know what, that's either not great anymore or more likely. And what happens more often than not is. That vision was just a little bit of the whole vision. Now they see a great deal more. So the process, however, remains the same. We define what looks good. What's exciting to us. What that vision is at 12 ounce filet medium, well, or medium rare. Right. And then we just continue to walk toward it. So, you know, you had mentioned procrastination. There isn't a human being on the face of the earth. I don't care how motivated they look on the outside or through Instagram or Tik TOK, there isn't a human being on the face of the earth that doesn't face issues of procrastination every day. They might procrastinate going to the bathroom. They might procrastinate eating a healthy meal. They might procrastinate building a business plan, but we all face that. So in order to really overcome it. You have to ask why, why am I procrastinating it? So what are you procrastinating today? Court? I'm so happy that I, the things I normally procrastinate as far as my networking connections, I like I'm doing it before I talked to Mike and I did, and I'm like, normally I procrastinate those until after like the big highlight of my day, which is talking to you today and obviously being with Meg, my amazing Um, but like, yeah, as far as other stuff, um, what did I procrastinate today? Um, my, my devotion time in the morning that I'm trying to create this new habit. Um, my rebounding. So my, my bit of movement for my health and my body. Um, those are the two things that I procrastinated today. So far I can think of your, your devotion time, right? Why did you procrastinate your devotion time? I chose more sleep and that's what I did. I chose more sleep before my activity this morning. And may I ask why were you compelled to choose more sleep? Because I didn't choose healthy sleep the last three nights. And I know, I know how important it is to, to get that in. So that's what I did. Okay. And what was it, or why did you choose? other things over your health for the last three nights? I was giving to other people and showing up because I said that I would. And I truly enjoyed the experiences myself and the other people that I was with. Okay. And why is that important to you? Connection is like one of my biggest core values. So I felt very connected. By this is a giving and receiving. Okay. So your devotion gives you what, um, connection magic, magic, right? So, um, look at the bigger picture if you're willing and recognize that you truly paid yourself forward the connection you chose for the prior three nights to, to develop and live in connections that you would have received had you not slept in this morning. For your devotion, which would give you connections. I don't see anything wrong with that. A little mercy might go a long way. Mercy is my new friend. Yeah. Yeah. I heard a really cool explanation of mercy and grace the other day. Uh, mercy is not getting something I have coming to me. Like I screwed up. I'm going to get a ticket or whatever. I'm going to get in trouble. But instead of getting in trouble. I'm given mercy and I'm forgiven and I can go about my life and do my deal without the penance I'm supposed to serve. Grace, on the other hand, is when that person that's supposed to be disciplining me pays my debt and gives me extra to go out and do more for others. That's grace. I'm like, Hmm, cool. That's pretty cool. That's pretty deep, right? Like mercy. I just, I get off the hook and I'm like, cool. Thank God. That's the result of the Fox hotel prayer. You know, I, I probably drank way too much at one point and I was driving home and there was a cop, I just drove by and I'm like, dear God, please let me just get home and I get home and I didn't get what I deserved. Right. But, but grace might be getting home, finding a hundred dollar bill on the ground, getting to bed, actually waking up on time, showing up for work. None of that stuff that I actually earned. Right. I got so much better than what I deserve beyond what I deserve. That's grace. So you got grace too, man. You just, you did some right things to get you connected to people that you wouldn't have done had you not put it out there. So good for you and good for taking care of yourself. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I get, I get stuck sometimes in this, in this belief that rigidity of process is the only way for me to actually have a good life. And it kinda like, um, if you will, we, we, we have this process where we wake up and we go into devotion in your your case. Um, and if I don't do that, then I'm gonna feel bad. I'm gonna feel like I've, I've, I've shorted myself. And what's true is I did short myself, but if I can be diligent enough about asking why, like I just did with you, I'm going to get down to the root cause of it and understand, was it a valuable, healthy choice that brought me to this spot? And if so, then breathe easy, man, you're doing a great thing. If not be easy, man, and try not to repeat it, but be easy either way. Give yourself the grace that you deserve above and beyond, right?
Meg:And you probably feel well rested now. I do.
Yeah. How much extra did you sleep? An hour. Wow. I got a cool one for ya. I did, too, today. I never sleep late. I'm like 4. 30 in the morning. Man, I'm going. My brain's going, I'm going. I'm off after it. 4. 30 I'm up by Fiona and I are up. And, uh, she goes outside and I go to the coffee pot. And I get my first cup of joe. And, and she comes in, we come down to my office. And we just kind of hang out and I talk to God and listen, hopefully to God. And, um, that's probably the first half hour of the day. And by five o'clock in the morning, my head is pretty clear. I'm off to the races and, um, I have to be mindful of not sending out emails and text messages before the rest of the world wakes up, because that can kind of feel crappy when you're. Consultant is advising you at 6 a. m. And you haven't even gotten into the shower yet. So you have to be respectful of that. But yeah, today I slept until six o'clock an hour and a half.
Meg:Whoa. Do you know why?
Um, well, you know what I've, I've, uh, I don't know why other than I was tired and I allowed myself the opportunity to rest. You know, um, so yeah, I'm not great at that stuff. I'm not great at giving myself the, the opportunity to feel rested because I, I, I'm pretty busy, but, um, yeah, I, uh, I did today, I felt tired and I was like, you know what, I'm just going to stay in bed for a bit. Next thing I know it's six o'clock and I was like, and I got Fiona and we, we did our deal just a little later than normal. So something you said, um, about, you know, asking God and then hopefully listening. So Meg and I have been through quite a bit of growth in our faith since the last season of our podcast. And I actually went, I joined a Bible study to like really learn. The Bible and really learn like what it's telling us. Cause I, the, the old court, she, uh, she made fun of the Bible a lot. And she had a lot of preconceived thoughts and notions. I just, it's funny how you judge things before you even actually experienced them. So I love that I've like, we're both so Maggie and I are both so open to learning about it now. And exactly what you said about like asking God. Anything, but then like really getting quiet to hear what he has to say and just knowing that it might not come in that moment, but continuing to be open. But I'm just curious to like, what has been your experience of really listening for what he has to say? Oh, man. Well, first of all, I'm so happy for you guys. I'm filled with joy because of your journey and sharing that with me. Um, I can't wait to hear more. My experience, uh, you know, I was told once that if you, if you ask God to reveal himself to you, be careful because you might not handle the response very well, but go ahead, you know, go ahead. And, um, I was at a point in my life where I just, I was really disconnected. You know, I was sober. But I wasn't emotionally sober. I wasn't really spiritually sober. I wasn't drinking. I wasn't doing drugs, but man, my life was my, my insides were just void. I was so empty, you know, and I, I kind of, I cried out like, show me what the heck you want me to do. You know, I, I don't know what you are. I'm not willing to put you in the biblical box. But you need to show me what the heck it is I'm supposed to do. If in fact, you're even going to do that. And, and I was, I was just so angry and I was so frustrated and I remember I was laying in my bed and I had this, like this wash, my friend, Brian calls it a love wash, this thing that came over me from the tip of my head to the top of my head, to the tip of my toes, like, and I. As God is my witness, I thought I died because everything that was earthly about how I felt was gone. I was lifted. I was comfortable. I was warm. I felt zero anxiety. And I believe me, I know so well what anxiety feels like. That the absence of it almost it's, it's, I felt like I was dead. Honestly, I thought that part of me is gone and that was my life. Right. And, and as fast as it came, it was as fast as it went, but I had an experience in that moment when I asked that I received and it scared the shit out of me. Cause now it was real. It was no longer something like, Oh, I'm just putting it up there. You know, this was real. And I can add to that court, Meg, probably at least 500, if not more examples of getting an answer, um, getting a response and, and I'll, I'll share this. The conversation we're having right now, without doubt in my mind and or in my heart is a response to a prayer that I've had going on for the last week. You know, um, being a man of faith. not being a man of popularity, is not being a man of acceptance. It's not being a man that's wanted by the world. It's a man being a man that has let the world be the world. And I'm going to go over here and be with God. And I hope I'm not alone. And I know logically that God loves me. God's in me. And I'm also scared to death that I might be wrong. How the hell does that make sense? I don't know. It doesn't make sense. It's just my truth. And, and what's also true is my truth has evolved a lot over time. My, my daughter, uh, my oldest daughter, and I spent a little bit of time together over the past couple of weeks. And she shared some really difficult stuff with me. about her perception of my inviting her into my life with my new wife and not new anymore, but in this life, right? And for my lifetime, I have tried for my lifetime that she's been in, I have tried to be the father. My father wasn't being present, being inviting, being loving, being all of these things. And I believed that I aced that. And in my opinion, in my mind, in my experience, I did. What's true is in her experience, I did not. And I was like, holy shit. How could that be true? You know, how could it be true? So I, I didn't deny her, her feelings or her opinion. Cause it's, I mean, first of all, it's freaking horrible to do that to somebody. Second of all, there's a lesson to be learned here. Right. And I didn't know the answer. So I prayed on it and I prayed on it and I prayed out and I've prayed on it every single day since the day we had that conversation because I don't know what to do. Right. So I'm asking God, what do I do? And the answer has been avail yourself to others. Tell your story to other people. Make sure you listen more than you speak. When you ask somebody, how are you doing? And I think it was either the day after Maria and I had that conversation that I saw on your page, Meg, that you, you've made a comment or something about your faith. And I was like, Oh, that's a shift. That's different. And then to hear you say that today, Court, it's like, I'm supposed to hear this. I'm supposed to hear that there's a community that once was not, but now is, right? Yes. You guys know who Brandon Lake is? Ever heard of Brandon Lake? Brandon Lake is a, uh, he's a musician and artist, recording artist, uh, and he, he sings Christian songs. He's got this song he's coming out with on November 8th, um, and I think it's called, uh, gosh, I don't know. I don't know the name of it. Maybe it's Hallelujah, but I don't think so because there's already a Hallelujah song. But he's got a, the, the verbs or the, the words in that song are about how hard he struggles. With being in love with a God that he's afraid to be in love with. Like, I just, I know there's an answer and I know you're there. Why is it so hard for me to look up to you and say, hallelujah. Sometimes it's like tearing my skin off my body to do it. And it just, I got to do it because I know it's right. So why am I so earthly while I'm so desiring this connection with God? And, um, I think the answer for me has been that if I'm going to change, it isn't going to feel good. Once I'm changed, it feels good. But as long as I'm changing and willing to be changed, there's always going to be some part of my life that is being disrupted. It's not because I'm not loved. It's because I fell into the ways of the world in a really deep and dark way for a very long time. And the Lord's grace has let me peel that one thin layer at a time. Not all at once. If it was done all at once, I had, I'd have been swinging from a rope or putting babies through my brain. It's so graceful. So gosh, that was a long answer. That's a challenge in it. You know, it's like. Fighting through those challenges and disruptions and it's a lot of people don't really know how hard it is just to keep pushing and keep keep finding that, you know, well, a lot of people come to faith in different ways. Right, Meg? You know, I mean, my wife has had faith. She's had the faith of a child since she was a child. I never had that. Right. Our, our paths are, are the same, but very different places. Right. So I do this thing where like my wife is exactly 3, 146 days younger than I am. What does that mean? It means that I've had 3, 146 days of waking up and figuring it the F out that she has yet to experience. We're not supposed to be in the same place. The distance between her and me. Can be met with frustration or passion or love or, or anger, all kinds of different things can fill that space. But the most important thing that lead the way is faith. Not that I'm going to understand her or get her or agree with her, but that I know no matter what, that if I am loved, being patient and kind, it doesn't matter the distance, right? Right. And, and that's been my truth with myself too, as I grow in my faith and as I live in this life. It's not easy, Meg. It's not easy. Nothing good. Nothing good. It is really easy though. Right? Oh, no, nothing. If it was easy, everybody would do it with anything in life. For sure. I have come to find that anything in life that is Easy as evil. Well, yeah, but I'm learning to enjoy, I used to dread the process and I used to dread having to work through things and there's nothing more I find fulfilling than going through the process, whether it's harder than the last one. It just, I feel like it fills my voids and it gives me purpose. And I love it. I love it. I think a lot of things just show us how strong we really are when we don't realize it, you know Yeah, well, I I was once told that uh, actually christian slater. Do you guys know who that actor is? christian slater once said that um doing what's easy first Like my will what I want Starts out easy and gets really hard But if I can convert that flip it over and do god's will first it's hard But then it gets really easy, right? And I grew up in a credit card mindset. I'm gonna pay Nothing now, but i'll pay lots later and be perfectly okie dokie with that as long as I get what I want now So i'm i'm i'm being changed Even as we speak a season of changes on me, as I shared, you know, I want everybody to be happy and in love with one another and singing Kumbaya and all this stuff. And I mean, there's so much discourse in the world. I feel it so intently, whether it be our, our forthcoming election or whatever, it doesn't matter. There's just so much separate separation and I feel it. And it's really, really hard for me to feel that and go about my day with a smile on my face because. Gosh, a little sheet therapy sounds really great, instead of going out and listening to somebody else talk about how great this candidate is, or that candidate is, or hearing another single mom who's unemployed not being able to afford the food for their kids. Just, ah, you know, it's so hard for me to hear all that. I don't even know where I was going with that. I'm sorry, but I think where I where I wanted to land was really to come back to what you had said. Courtney, where, you know, you were talking about, like, at one point you made fun of people that read the Bible or call themselves Christians, right? One of the things my daughter brought up was that at one time when she was a little kid, I went out to her grandma and grandpa's nativity scene and stole the little baby Jesus. And like, I, I did something stupid with it. I don't know if I kicked it like a football, but this is her vision of her dad, right? And now her dad's like loving Jesus. So how is she supposed to feel except confused? Yeah, right. She left when she was 18. She went and lived in New York city and Jersey, got married, got divorced, started multiple businesses, went to college, got a master's degree. She's got this whole life that has occupied her space. So she knows me by snapshots. And how is it that you went from this, this funny. Carefree dude to this guy. It feels a little culty to me dad and she's not wrong, right? Her feelings are exactly her feelings. Well, she doesn't know the experience in between she doesn't get that and that's okay She doesn't have to I have to and then I have to be okay where i'm at and continue to invite Instead of shut down, right? The criticism that I used to put out there was intentionally designed to keep that shit away from me Period it's hard to say it, but don't push god on me. Don't push your god on me Don't try to make me believe something. All right,
Meg:that's the devil's work. You guys
know. Oh, man You guys know how I fell in love with god or I started my journey. Did I ever tell you that? Well, was it in our, okay. So in our last episode with you, was it that part of your story? I don't want to everyone go to the episode that we did with Mike Crawford the first season, but was it that incident that no, no, that was, that was like me discovering that God was like a lifesaver, like a vest in the ocean. Right. I needed something to hang on to because I was going to die. Yeah, but I didn't love him. I just recognized that I needed him Okay, and it my relationship with god is evolved as every relationship does over time um first it wasn't it was it was a relationship of anger and then a relationship of necessity And then a bit of a relationship of acceptance and then it became slowly but surely a relationship of I think i'd like to get To know who you are instead of being convinced about who you are not Right now I have to open my mind and become willing to listen to who you are. And that happened. The seed was planted in my driveway when I was dating my wife. Um, I was very anti Christian, very anti religion, very anti anything church. And she was very vocal about having a relationship with Jesus Christ. I'm like, so you're religious. And she's like, no, I never said that. I'm not religious at all. I said, yeah, you did. You said you love like God and Jesus. She's like, I never said I was religious. You heard that. But that's not what I said. What I said was I love God. And it was like, you know, the top of my head came off. I'm like, what, there's a difference. There's a difference between religion and loving God. And I spent that's like 16 years ago. I don't know. That's a long ass time ago, maybe more 17 years ago. And every day since then has been a journey toward a bigger understanding of the fact that I can love God and not be a religious person. Yeah. Cause quite honestly, I don't like religion. It's just not my thing and I'm not shutting the door to it, but I'm also not walking into it I'm walking into a one on one relationship with my creator that that allows me an opportunity to be Wrong and right and loved and full of grace. I have not gotten what I deserved in life by any means. Have I not got my God, have I not gotten what I deserved? So I can't deny the fact that there's mercy, right? But as I said earlier, there's been probably a lot more grace than mercy. So, um, I don't know what you guys know about not accepting thank yous, not accepting compliments. Not accepting gestures of love and care and affection and kindness, but I could probably write a third book on that. Wow. My relationship with my creator has allowed me to begin to understand that when people tell me they love me, they mean it. It's hard for me to admit that because I still don't want to believe that. It's really, really hard. I, yeah, I relate massively to that. Yeah. I've, I've found it hard just in my journey alone in life that it's been difficult to receive. Things and receiving them authentically, you know, like whether it's compliments or just gratitude, and I always kind of just took it as a thing, like people just say, and I think that I'm such a server and a giver of all the things, and I do it with love and compassion and just out of the genuine kindness of my heart that I was, I've kind of made me really realize that I, I'm allowed to receive it in the way that I give it. And so, and really learning that we're supposed to receive, cause I've always used to shut off receiving in my life. Like, no, I'm good. I don't need help. I don't need this. I'm good. I'm better off alone. And then I think the power of connection of people and it's really has it's really taught me in life, it's okay to receive. It's okay to like, feel. people. And some people they're saying it because they mean it. I mean, not everybody, but it's shown me a lot
Meg:more.
Matt, what, what is it that, why, why do you think you weren't accepting of that? Just curious. Um, cause I didn't have beliefs in myself, you know, I always had like low self esteem or whatever. So I just felt like if people were telling me certain things or it was just to be nice. I never really looked into it because I never really looked deep into myself. So I think the more that I started to do the inner work, I was able to receive things a little bit more easily. Does that resonate with you at all? I had this realization, um, I want to say maybe six to 12 months ago that I realized I never thought I was a good person. But Like on the surface, I'm like, I'm a good person, but I really, it got to a point where I'm like, Oh, I know I'm a good person now. And I know I didn't use to think that I was. And so I used to think that I wasn't deserving or worthy of people praising, you know, something that I did or, or said, or any kind of gesture. It, it was all based on worth for me. Interesting. I think for me. It was always about control and, um, keeping myself in ready, in a ready state for a quick release. Um, never get too close to anybody because chances are, they're not going to be around or I don't want to be around them. Right. Um, but I was a scorekeeper, you know, and in many respects, I still am. And I don't, I don't love that about myself. And I give that along with everything else to God too, you know? Um, but I, I was a scorekeeper. And what that means is if, if I am one, I love you ahead, I'm in control. If I am one affectionate behavior ahead, I'm in control. If I am X number of kind acts ahead, you don't love me enough and I can back out without being an asshole. And I, I mean, I say that out loud and I know how ridiculous it sounds, but. But speaking it is important because it's what's true, right? What's true for me is that as long as I had control of the love, giving and taking in a relationship, then I could get away and my reality is. I can't, I just thought I could, I can never get away. I'm not going to get away from my daughter. I'm not going to get away from my wife. I'm not going to get away from God. Not going to get away from the kids, Becky's kids. I'm not going to get away from any of it. It's just how I process that. So I got to this point where, when, when somebody says, I love you, Mikey, or thank you, or you're such a good person. I have to like, almost like chewing on rocks. I have to just say. Thank you. I mean, thank you. But what I mean more than that is I'm not going to dismiss you to have control over you. I'm not going to dismiss what you've expressed to me so that I can unfeel it and remain free to go do what I want to do. Being loved is a big responsibility to me. You know, it comes with a lot of responsibility. Uh, I have to be a bit more of a grownup. I'm not a big fan of being a grownup. Um,
Meg:a lot of work.
I, I, yeah, I have to be honorable, right? I have to be accountable. I have to do all of these things, which, which grounded me, you know, and, and for a guy that had so much shitty trauma. As a kid and as a young man, um, having things that hold me down is terrifying, terrifying. And it's, I mean, this is kind of a, a, a shitty reality for me, but it's what made suicide so attractive. Um, and, and thank God I'm not there today, you know, but I'm not egotistical enough to believe that it's gone forever. That crap is still within me if I, if I seek it out, but the escapism that comes from controlling relationships through not receiving their love, controlling situations from not receiving their grace. I mean, I, I, I was, I was so bad at all of that, that I would be starving, literally growling stomach, starving. Someone would offer me something to eat and I'd say, no, thanks. I'm good. Why? Well, I explained the why, but it's taken a lot of time and a lot of seasons of change and a lot of trust in my God and, and a lot of mentors that are half a mile down that path that could talk about their experience, you know, Um, and I ain't dead yet. So I, I got more to live. I got more to learn, you know, does that make sense? Yeah, totally crazy. You made that connection because as you were talking about, um, this, this, um, you know, resistance or blocking of people's love and it being a control thing, you got me thinking because I feel like. That is a place of control, whether you, you know, feel self esteem or not. And then you got me thinking about when I had eating disorders, cause you literally just like talked about it. And I went into therapy about, about, I told my mom, I needed to talk to someone I was 17 at the time. And she's like, what it's about. And, and I didn't want to, you know, claim that I was having issues with. Disordered eating. So I said, it's about chronic lying, which was a thing that I was around a lot, um, on many occasions. So it fit. And then I go into therapy and the, the woman, I was counselor, I was speaking with, she said that she feels that it's a form of control since so much is out of control around me. The one thing I can control is what I'm putting in my mouth. And that like blew my mind is, you know, a 17 year old girl, just totally struggling with. every single issue and living in anxiety. So I just like, I, I was like, that can't be true. But the more I thought about it after that one time I saw her, I never saw her again. That one time I saw her cause I didn't want to go back. You know, I didn't, didn't align with what she said, but it made such complete sense. And so I fully see it now that me blocking and resisting people's love. Or actions or, or kindness was it is form of control. Yeah, I could relate to, you know, cause that took me back to how I used to be at work. I used to be such a control freak and I wouldn't let people step in and help. And I was only hurting myself. I was only putting more work on myself. And then I think just over time. I started to realize, like, I do, I love, love to help people. I love, Courtney knows this more than anybody. I love to give, like, it like fuels my heart to help people or to be a hand or in any way. And I finally, I think it was really once I took over the bar by myself, it was like, I have access to people who are offering their help. And finally, I just had a little bit by a little bit, just learned to give up control. And I didn't never realize how much I wanted to control and how much that was just exhausting me and like how much more work I was putting on my plate. And finally I, little by little, I was just shedding control, shutting it and letting other people and accepting help. And it really made things easier for me to receive. And if I'm so willing to help all these other people do all this, and it's not, it's not above my ego to receive. And it was, yeah, just, For me, it was a lot of ego. It's, you know, the other thing that's been really evident, made clearer, clear to me is that when I'm, when I'm in that controlling thing, not only am I providing a clear path towards an exit, a clean quote unquote clean exit, um, but I'm really how selfish is that, you know, how selfish is it? I think about the times my mom said, I love you. And I was like, eh, eh, yeah, I love you too, ma. And it was just such a feelingless exchange of words, you know, not, I'm not on her part on my part, you know, I'm just saying it to shut her up. Um, and I loved my mom, but quite honestly, it wasn't the same. I was still in control. And I wonder if she wouldn't have felt so much more hurt if I just said, thanks mom. You know, instead of just a quick love you back, love you too. You know, look her in the eye and tell her, I love you too much. Thank you. You know, something that's really meaningful because when I stop, like when I stop my pops or I stop my kid or stop back my wife to, or my clients from doing something nice for me, I'm stopping them from being the giver. Which is what I love to do. I mean, like I, my DNA says, give, if you lay out all the letters, it's not DNA. It's G I V E give, you know, that's me. I love it. I live for it.
Meg:Yeah. And then I'm over here trying to stop it.
Well, that's the deal, right? Right. Get vulnerable, get scared. And I can do that because I have faith no matter what happens here, no matter what happens between Becky and I, or my daughter Maria and I, or a client and I, I got this first relationship that I'm working my ass off at nurturing and growing. That's my relationship with God. If I make that first, I can do anything. It's not bullshit. It's real. And I'm probably saying that as much to myself as I am to you guys, but it is, it doesn't make it any less true who I'm saying it to, if I make that first, I can do anything and I have. I was addicted to cocaine, Percocet, Darvocet, Vicodin, everything, alcohol, cocaine, every opiate you can come up with. I was addicted to gambling, addicted to sex, and addicted to everything you can get addicted to. I've been addicted to it. I mean, addicted to it. Like, I don't have any control over whether or not I do it. And I don't have that problem today. I've been removed. It's been removed from me. How, how do you go from hopelessness To hope period. I can't explain it, but it's, it's gotten me to the point today where without those roadblocks, significant addictions, deep seated addictions, without those, I'm actually in a place where I can have a relationship with God and at least try. You know, at least try. My brother passed away when he was 57 years old and I'm about to have my 56th birthday next month. And it's been on my mind a lot, you know, like what was Gary thinking? Where was he at? What would he be doing today? All that, right? And what I know to be true is, um, tomorrow is the biggest fucking lie any of us tell ourselves. Wow. When I want to procrastinate about picking up the phone and calling my pops or writing a sweet message to my daughter or buying my wife flowers or whatever. Because I can do it tomorrow. I am absolutely dismissing everything that I was given. And I shouldn't do that because tomorrow it was not a guarantee right now with you ladies on this podcast is as best as my life's going to get, unless I live a little bit longer, right? So I I'm so grateful that we got connected through the key and then the book. Right. Yeah. It's really, really special. You guys have become a very, uh, very important source in my life for good things and I'm greatly, greatly appreciative of it. Thank you so much. It's mutual. Yeah, for sure. Big time, Mike. Big time. Yeah, you've, you know, you're, the energy and the, the, The offerings of like your trueness out in the world. It's so cool to see it and receive it. Your messages that you send us, like what you put out on the social life. It's just, it's cool to, to know you, to be a part of your world and you a part of ours because you know, our lights, they are. They are burning bright. And the more we come together, the more we can absolutely shine. We're supposed to be together, right? We were, we were, we were designed to be in a community. We were designed to be together. My most miserable is alone. My most desired space for most of my life is alone. Figure that out. Yeah, I'm not there anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore. And, and I think a big part of that is, is. Evident in the fact that I just kind of like I got this Barroom door on my chest and I opened the doors and there's my heart and I am what I am um And there's a lot of great in there and there's a lot of things that i've done that aren't great in there But i'm not that man. I was made to be a very specific way And my journey now is about learning how to get to that You know to be more loving to be more kind to be more generous to be more Of what God made me to be, you know, and, and the truth of the matter is, is I may not ever get that all the way there, right? But every single day that I get a little closer, it's like that one bite of that steak, you know, I get to chew it. I get to enjoy it. I get to put it out there. I have no idea how I'm living right now. The odds of me being alive with breath in my lungs and, and a voice. Are like astronomically against me. Yeah, your voice matters. That's why You're darn right. It's got more to do here. Mm hmm. You're tiny. Yeah, you got a lot. You're gonna be here a while Yeah, you're in all your wisdom and truths and your stories Yeah, speaking of your wisdom and life experience so like for those that you talked about being alone for those that like have That is like one of their biggest, um, hardships in life, the feeling of being alone or the loneliness, which is there a difference? I'm, I'm, I really don't know. But like, what do you, what would you say to someone that just like the feeling of being alone is like the worst? Um, well, that's a, that's a really, that's a good question. And a deep one. First of all, I have, I have lived lonely. in a room full of people. So alone and lonely are very different to me. Um, alone, meaning without, alone with the only people present are the ones between my ears, right? Um, I fear that yet there's safety in it, yet it comes with a cost. Because when I'm left by myself, It's just not healthy. It's not what I was designed to be, right? But there's two, two pain points to consider for me. And if anybody can resonate with the fear of being alone, is just a little bit more or a little bit less than the fear of being with people, if that, if that hits for you, then I would suggest pick the pain point that has a long term upside. And I'll fast forward. It's not staying alone. I'm terrified of being alone. I'm terrified of being with people. I better just go be with people. And as I learned, I don't have to go be with people always. I'm so socially, like, I don't even know how to describe it, but I, I, I have always been able to be the chameleon. I've always been able to put on the mask that makes me look like I'm happy and content and everything's going great, but what's on the inside is this rotten, dead, Scared five year old four year old little boy that is just horrible, right? That's what's always been there But i've always had this really awesome mask So when i'm alone, it's that little boy when I go out It's that face what i've learned is to take off the face Be the little boy like i'm being with you guys right now And just let them know that it's cool to come out and play man. It's all right You're going to be all right and and for those people that are really suffering with loneliness 224 428 4270. Please call me anytime. I don't care if I don't answer. And you're in need, call me right back and I will answer no matter what I'm doing. Um, I am not any kind of a savior or special anything other than a man that's willing to share your time, my time, to listen, because the chilling vapor that is loneliness that falls over us when we're in that space, that shit can't be gotten rid of by yourself. And, and my experience is that no matter how hard I punch. No matter how much I drink, no matter how much anything I put in my body, that loneliness is still going to be there. I cannot get rid of it until I get out of myself and help others. So if you're in that space and you do find yourself compelled to call me, understand first and foremost that you're helping me more than you're probably helping yourself. And I would welcome the opportunity to be helped. That's the change. That's amazing. Yeah. You're welcome. And it just makes me think about how everyday people have the power to make others feel like we used to, like we can relate to them, and where they're feeling now, because we have, or we are, feeling that way. And just, even strangers coming together, it's, there's magic in that just human companionship. That we all have that power connection. Well, I think I would love to offer you guys a challenge and that is, that is this, you're, you're, you're. As I'm I knew in your faith and your discovery you're you're looking at a new direction trying to figure things out, right? So whatever The word god or higher power means to you When you go to bed tonight or even before you go to bed because you don't have to pray when you go to bed I think that's bullshit. You can have a conversation with someone you love anytime during the day um Next time you're talking to god ask him for something that's going to make him sweat Ask him to put blessings in your life You that seems so impossible, it would make God sweat. For me, let's make me whole. Lord, make me whole. Make me feel complete. Make me the man you designed me to be so that I can go forward and others will see your grace, your love, your testimony in me. I don't want to be in front. I was never designed to be in front. I've been terrified of being in front. My whole life. And I don't have to be. All I have to be is willing to do what I've been given to do. Right? So bless me with that wholeness. Bless me with that lack of loneliness. Bless me with that completeness. So the emptiness that has just consumed my entire mind, body, and spirit is gone once and for all. To me, that's a prayer that I think makes God sweat because that's how huge it is to me. And what's true now that I've prayed it, we should follow up in about a week or so. Cause it's awesome the way things work. We asked that question earlier. Can you, can you talk about what's happened when you've asked? Well, what's happened is I'm changed and I'll be changed again. I accept that challenge. Yeah, I'll take it on. I love it. It's so good, man. It's so good. It's so exciting. It's just, uh, it's so good. Well, Michael Crawford, thank you for sharing this time with us. Oh, thank you both so much. Is there anything before we close it down? Yeah, is there anything that I can do to to? Help either of you or both of you or in any capacity? Is there something that I can do that I have yet to do? And if you don't know the answer now, just know that the invitation is always open. Being of service really does keep me sane and um, I am I am willing to the ability that I am willing Uh, to receive as well as hard as that is to say, but if there's anything I can do to help you guys, please never hesitate. Well, you can tell us when your second book comes out so that we can both buy it and read it. November 15th, 2025. Okay. Huh. Now I said it, right? Do you have a name? I forgot. I'm sorry. Do you have a name for it yet? Um, I think so, but, uh, I, I remain willing to change it. Uh, what, what I have, what I've landed on so far is that's the way it goes. I
Meg:like it.
Yeah. It
Meg:is That's the way it goes.
Yeah. Yeah. But this book is going to be about a lot of things that are just a continuation of the things And you know, when you pray and when you give and when you're kind and when you're loving, you don't always have a great life, but you have a great heart. And that's the way it goes. So we'll talk about that. Thank you for your continued love and offerings. I will think of you if something comes up and I'm like, I wonder what Mike Crawford would say about this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna connect back with you. Yeah, let's go. I would, I would greatly appreciate the opportunity. Meg, how about you?
Meg:Any questions?
Anything I can do? Anything I can help with? I think you came serving strong today. I think I got like, This was way, I knew this was going to be a great conversation, but this was like, you made me hit spots in my life that I was able to reflect on and connect the dots and it was just. Incredible. They took us to church. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you weren't meant to be alone, Meg. I know. And like, like you, I felt alone for a very long time, whether I was in a group of people or by myself. And that's like the vicious cycle that I lived because when I would go out, I would, in order to not feel alone, I would have to be drunk. And so I was around people and then I'd go home and I'd wake up and be hung over depressed and alone, and that was a vicious cycle that I lived for many years, but really finding the connection of people with substance in my life has really been life changing and connecting with people like you is truly, truly a gift. And God is, God is good. This is God's work. Oh man, we're just getting started. It's so good. Thank you guys so much. Bless you. You, Mike, I hope you have an amazing evening and uh, just make it great right now. Yeah, we will. And you as well. All right. Stay well. Be well. Do well. You're amazing. Thank you for everything. Always. Thank you guys. Okay. Until the next Bye-bye until our third episode together. Yep, that's right. Okay. See you then. All right. Thank you. Bye-Bye. Bye. Mike, love you. Love you more. Love you the most. If you made it to the end of this episode. That means you either just appreciate our messy, awkward life experiences. Or you're truly up for finding more magic in life. Like we are tune. in weekly for more reality shifts that we explore between us and with many special. Special guests that join. If you feel it, please subscribe. So you don't miss. Your seat on our magical earth school bus, your experience. With this show really means a lot to us. So we want to genuinely welcome you to. To leave an honest review. Your voice matters exactly how it is. You can follow us on social media, check the show notes and we will connect with you next.