EPISODE 134 - 'Pump, Pump, Squirt

We howled laughing through this episode in between shock and trauma from one particular story! We bring you miracle cures, sensationalised abuse, a freestyle dangly bit, lethal sleeping habits and a fetish factoid that we've BOTH experienced!

You are also treated to Vic and Andy busting some 1980's moves and we find out that Andy wore purple trousers by accident to work...but why?

Scouse translations for this episode -

Kecks - trousers

Laughing gear - mouth

We loved filming this one and although it's a longer one (again...can't help it) it's a goodun! Enjoy!

▶︎ Support us on Patreon for bonus content: https://www.patreon.com/ThePaddedCellPodcast

▶︎ www.thepaddedcellpodcast.co.uk
▶︎ www.thepaddedcellpodcast.store

Watch  the podcast on YouTube:

▶︎ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@ThePaddedCellPodcast

Follow The Padded Cell for more:

▶︎ Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551425184285
▶︎ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thepaddedcell_podcast/?hl=en-gb
▶︎ TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@thepaddedcellpodcast


Recorded and Produced by Vicky at The Padded Cell Studios

Ep 1 - 120 recorded at: 

▶︎ Web - http://www.liverpoolpodcaststudios.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Are you a deviant? You know, like those of us who binge watch single killer programs and the stupid stuff people do unravel in anything at all. Well, you found your people! Join us as we crack open the door to Pavet Cell and release the insanely stupid, the weirdly wonderful, and those who choose to live outside the size of north. With elephants the strange, the macabre, the sexy and the outrageous! So if you're a deviant, then you have your placers in the pattern cell. Right, let's do it. Okay. Hello and welcome to episode 134 of the Pat and Cell Podcast. And I'm here again with our Andy! Hello, Pat and Salads. The biggest scouse X er ever. Fucking hell, the biggest scouse that ever. Can't speak.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Um six foot two.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

So well, you know, six foot two.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Just under six foot two.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

You look well taller than that. Well, fuck me, okay. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Yeah, yeah, it's under six foot two.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

I mean, like your legs in there and all that. You think you're well taller than you? I know, yeah, that's weird, that. Yeah. And you're not showing your pins today?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

No, I thought I'd dress up today.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Because it's just a bit cold, really, wasn't it? Too cold for your shorts.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

No, I was off late, but I just thought, you know what I mean? I thought I'd look like more, you know, a bit more professional today.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Don't change, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

I've said I'll never come with my shorts again, like, but then it is a bit nippy, aren't we?

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Andy with the legs, a bit nipply.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

It's a bit nipply.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

So, since our last recording, you are now the boss. The boss of Townhouse. Townhouse Towers. How does it feel?

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Like when you were a kid and that and you used to get up, but like you know, like when you when it was like your birthday, you'd feel a bit different and all that, like, or like it was Christmas, or like even like getting married, like you just feel a bit different. It felt different going in there. Yeah, it just going in here. It's it was it was strange. It's uh it's it's been a lot.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

It's be it's been great for me.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Yeah, I can imagine.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

And it's still like the loose ends to tie up, obviously. You know, we've still been sending things over there. But you know, the whole you know, email phone thing.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Yeah, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

My phone's never been so quiet. Because before this was on call as a midwife, yeah. So my phone's always be on the go since I've known Jimmy. So now I'm looking at my phone like that. There's two messages. People are saying you never have applied so quick. Because normally I've got millions of messages. So yeah, it's been got on my side as well.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Anyway, so 14th of May is Cake and Cunolingus Day.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Cake and Cunolingus. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Yeah. So um a week at the same time. Yeah. You can smear it on and lick it off, couldn't you? You really shouldn't do that if there's fresh cream on there. Do you know why?

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Oh right, because you can get um you can or what is it?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

You can just get a smelly fanny, basically. Thrush. Yeah. So fresh cream, not grease on your fandango. Although a lot of people have done it because they like smearing stuff on the fandango and having it licked off. So there you go, cake and conolingus day. We actually had a cake and conolingus day in the club, yeah, again. It was um it was a a Macmillan uh cancer fundraising day. Well, they had the Macmillan bake day, don't they? Yeah. So we had a bake day, it's like a MILF Monday, and um we just got everybody to make cakes, and we brought cakes in, big fucking table, and it was cake and conolingus, and people, you know, paid for cake, and we made a fucking fortune and we got sex out of it as well.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

But did the Easter off each did the Easter off off off shulm?

SPEAKER_00 3:49

No, do you know why?

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Because of the clean.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Yeah. I think it was Jim at the time, was like, don't be taking that cake upstairs and eating off each other, because I've got to clean up after you. Yeah. Because he had divisions of the cake being smeared all over the sheets and the carpet and all that. So he was like, no, you have your cake down here and then you have your cloningus upstairs. Yeah. So no, there wasn't any of that. Jim's rule.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Walking old gym.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

So it's like our version of the steak and blowjob day.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Our friend likes a steak and blowjob. I'm gonna say it. No, I can't. Can I? Our friend, um can up proud.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I mean, I've mentioned her before, but I don't want to mention her with this link, just in case she doesn't want the link out there. Because I might make it a real So um, yeah, she likes when she when she when she goes on dates, she always says you need to take for a steak first. Yeah. And you know, book a hotel room. And you know, if if the moment trying to, then I'll go and have sex and I'll see a blowjob and she loves steak and blowjob. Steak and sex. I can't have sex after food like that. Swishing hand, I'd just want to sleep. I'd be in a food coma. Can you sleep? Can you have have sex after food like that? Could you go for a meal and shag? It depends on what you've been eating, really,'s on it. Okay, let's say then, steak and chips with onion rings. Because that's probably what our friend wants to do.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

I could I could do it after the steak. Could you? I couldn't do it after a curry.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Oh, my do after curry.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

No, if it being for like a if it being for a whiskey. If it'd be for like a big Indian, because it's like literally you come out, don't you, and you just like I just don't really want a big meal before a shark.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

I just then again I'm not just a two-minute shark, am I?

SPEAKER_01 5:36

I I don't know if it aren't.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

You've heard about our mammoth sharks with cake breeze. Jealous, are we?

SPEAKER_01 5:48

I'm just like a bit of a pump pump square.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Why you don't mean but pump pump squares.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Or maybe, or if you're lucky, a pump, pum, pump, pump, square.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Oh my god. So you definitely couldn't go the distance of with a four or five hour shank then.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Fuck that, I'd have to fame cramp.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

You must have cramped, yeah. Put your hip out. Inhale and everything. So, anyway, cake and come a lingua's day. Um, have a ball.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Yeah, go for it.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Also, it's international keeper, Ansie. Oh, for the cake.

unknown 6:26

Like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Hoover after sex. What are you doing after sex? Okay, for the crumbs. Okay, got ya. I hadn't quite caught.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

That's just the way that's the way my daisy man thinks.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Oh do you know what? Me and Jimmy did that once segue. So we decided to try wax at home.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

And I've on that night I found out that I hate wax for two reasons. I don't mind doing it on people, but I don't like receiving at all. And Jimmy's having a little go, and I was telling what to do. We did it all right. Didn't enjoy it one little bit. It was just too hot. And there were low burn candles, but I was like, ow, ow, ow. It wasn't like, it wasn't like ooh, ooh, yes. It was like ow! I think I was getting fucking burned with like a siggy. Then it's obviously all over you. And I was like, how the fuck? Normally in in like the club or somewhere, you know, you like scrape it off, good parts of your seat or whatever, it's all controls. My fucking bedroom with carpet.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

We'd already put something on the bed, so all the wax was on the bed, and I was like, that's like flicking it off me. There's nothing sexy about it at all. And then obviously, we wanted to carry on. So we had to bundle all the beds up. In the meantime, there's wax all over the floor. And both we had a new carpet, and both of us like, well, we can't carry on because we'll tread wax into the carpet. It's a mid-shag, rather than having cake. Jim's sorting the bed house, and I've got the Henry Hoover house hoovering round the bed, making sure all the wax is up, right? Then we were like, right, alright, get the mood again. When we did, yeah. We soon got the mood, but we laughed afterwards, like, can't believe we're like literally hoovering in between a shag. Then picked up where we left off. That's how good we are, you see. Anyway, it's also International Chihuahua Appreciation Day. Who do you know who's got a chihuahua? I do fucking research, basic. Um who do you know who's got who's got a chihuahua?

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Doing on someone? I d I don't know, you know. See you see plenty of them around, like don't you? I don't think I actually personally know someone who's got one. So you're gonna crack me now, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00 8:33

This is how we all know that Andy hasn't listened to or watched any other episodes apart from his fucking own narcissist. I'm busy what can I say. So Kev. So Kev, two episodes again, yeah, he was taught about a chihuahua called Nacho.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

And he was demonstrating for everybody how Nacho likes to mount uh his husband's leg and and shagger.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

But Kev decided to do the actual actions with a Mexican accent as well. Thing is, though, obviously, you guys don't really know Kev yet. Are you surprised?

SPEAKER_01 9:15

No. No. No.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

To millions of people, he's basically like a chihuahua going, on isn't the chill. Vamos! Let's do it all up. So, International Chihuahua Appreciation Day. I personally don't like little dogs. Yappy little fuckers. Yeah. But you know, for people who've got chihuahuas and love them, today's your day.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

Clack on.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

Yeah. Also, lastly, before I do it. Also, if you don't if you don't want the cake and conolingus and you haven't got a chihuahua, there's another day that you can it can a recognition of the day.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Dance like a chicken, Jake.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Oh, fuck off, really.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Remember the birdie song years ago? Yeah, yeah. You and I, because we're the same age, we'll remember the birdie songs in the charts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

It was a big deal, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 10:08

It was a big deal. And the thing is, we were young enough to be up there on the dance floor at kids' parties doing the birdie songs. Oh yeah? Yeah. Do you want to do a little demonstration?

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Could do, couldn't we?

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Shall we? Yeah. I mean, it won't we won't be able to stand up though. Because you it's a stand-up dance early, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 10:25

It is, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Well, we can do it in the chair. Right, so you've got to imagine that we're standing up. You ready?

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Yeah, go on, race.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Is it another bit?

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Clappin'.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

You've got to be seven.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Do you know what?

SPEAKER_01 10:52

If it came on, now we'd be like, yeah, I've got this like we properly back into it.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

So when I when it came on, I'd be like with a little bit of this and a little bit of that and shake your bum. Yeah. And seven. Yeah. Sell yeah. So that's our exercise done for the day.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

We won't be the only ones who remember that.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Well, no, probably not. Right, so dance like a chicken day. My dad's called the birdie song, but chicken's a bird. Yeah, it is, yeah. Yeah. And um I'd like to think that some of you are outrageous enough to share some of these uh chicken dances uh on our Facebook page. Feel free.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Full actions and everything. I'm all all this. Yeah. All that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Maybe maybe even in a chicken costume.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Well, there you go, yeah. Would you mm yes, um would you do a chicken costume and do it on Facebook though? You're asking people to do something that maybe you wouldn't do yourself. I had one in the outside. Then again, you like dressing up.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Yeah, I love it with a dress up.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Love dressing up. Yeah. Like show off.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

You've had some great costumes.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

I have. I've had some cokers. What was your favourite? I think my favourites had to be that Prince Purple Raymond at the Stag and Andy.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Do you know what?

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Fucking brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

And you kept your wig on pretty much all night, I think, didn't you?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

The black curly wig.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Yeah. Yeah, that was really good actually. It was covers in all kinds of ale, and then the next day I put it all back in the bag and sent it back to Amazon for a refund.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

You didn't got it. You didn't fucking racist it. You mean you've just told everybody now, like including Amazon. Yeah. Not asked. No. Years ago. Just come for me now. That's bad, that then.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Oh and sweat.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

So you sent it back covered in ale and sweat. What was your reason for return?

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Erm I think I just put wrong size. Yeah, if you put wrong size, like it's like, you know, no one's gonna no one's gonna go all their sided on there, like, but they don't care. They don't care at Amazon.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

So what you could have said, really, is I'm sending it back, it's obviously been worn, it stinks as sweat and alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

You should have just done that.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

I'll do that next time.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

There's gonna be a next time. He hasn't learned that's it's the wrong thing to do, hadn't it?

SPEAKER_01 13:11

I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

You think that I'd be dead brazen, but there was one time and I walked out of our local Tesco years ago, thing for the shopping, trolley full of shopping, and underneath was a a one kilo box of cornflakes that forgot to put through because it was on the underneath shelf, it wouldn't fit in. I was like, oh shit, loads of my car and went back into the shop and paid for the cornflakes. I know that's the sort of because it'd be on my mind. I can't my conscience it'd just be like that mm, Robert.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

I just obviously haven't got a consciously not arse. I just haven't got a conscience.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Right then, so swiftly moving on from our um and if you're Amazon, you didn't know none of that. So on this day, 14th of May, something very trailblazing occurred. It was 1796, you're not expect you to know it. Trailblazing. Um, but this thing was founded, if you like, in a very unethical way.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

So, 14th of May, 1796, an English doctor called Edward Jenner basically started a trial to see if he could cure an illness. An illness that was sweeping through the world and killing people, whether you were young, old, rich, poor, indiscriminative. It didn't always kill, but it did very often. And if it didn't kill, it left uh bad scars and disability. Have you got any idea what this thing might be?

SPEAKER_01 14:50

This is the first inoculation, isn't it? Of smallpox.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Ah clever clocks.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

So let's talk about how it came about unethically. I have reads about this. Have you? Yeah. Do you want to maybe have a little a little go?

SPEAKER_01 15:15

No. I know it was um taken a bit like sort of taking a sample of like the actual disease itself, and sort of like given it in a small amount as an inoculation, isn't it? Something along them lines.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Well, that's what a vaccine is, really, yeah, isn't it? But how did he come across this? So smallpox, you are quite right, and uh it was deadly, particularly nasty in kids, and you know, sometimes whole families are being wiped out. And think about it back then, uh generations lived together together, so you know, great-grandparents, grandparents if they lived that fucking long back in the day, grandparents, parents, kids, loads of kids as well, oftentimes, and this was literally wiping out families. Um and very, very often, all the kids, and if the kids weren't uh killed, they were left with like maybe blindness and lifelong complications, which might have been life limiting, or it might have got in the way of them actually having children themselves. So literally families are being wiped out from that point, whether they were dead or they just couldn't have children at that point for whatever reason. So it was really, really needed a cure, and they were trying all sorts badly, badly, bad results. Anyway, so there was this other thing going on at the time. Um, there's something called cowpox. Have you heard of cowpox? Yeah, it's like a smallpox, but in cows.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

I know what it is, now go on.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Okay. So, what was happening up until that point was something called varulation, which is similar to how they found the cure. What they were doing, they were giving people the actual disease uh in a smaller quantity, in the hopes that they'd build up a resistance. And some did, but many didn't, because they were basically giving them too much.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

Yeah. So this Edward Jenner, he'd noticed something very strange in rural England. It was actually in England that this occurred. I was like, oh, it was a Brit that did this. Those milkmaids who'd caught cowpox, yeah, which was a milder form of the disease that affected cows and humans if he got close enough. Uh, and the milkmaids were oddly resistant to smallpox.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

So he thought, hmm, he became quite obsessed with this idea. And he's like, could one disease protect against another if they were similar? So on the 14th of May 1796, he actually tested the theory on an eight-year-old boy called James Phipps, and he was the son of uh the doctor's gardener. Yeah. And uh Jenna took some material from cowpox blisters on the hand of a milkmaid called Sarah Nelms, and he he inserted it into the cut on the child's arm to directly you know, give it to him in the wound. Anyway, he did become mildly ill with the cowpox, so like fever, discomfort, uh nothing too severe. Then when he got over that, Jenna exposed him to smallpox, actual smallpox, and again, it's something that you can't really do uh nowadays, but again, it did work.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Can you imagine doing that now? Can you imagine purposely giving a child you didn't know whether this was gonna kill them or not? Basically, smallpox, a deadly, deadly, deadly disease. You just wouldn't happen now for many, many reasons. But people were like, Well, we've got to find a cure. Yeah, so yeah. Anyway, he survived, it did work, and so from then on in, um, he was working then on how to get this just right, so the right amount of cowpox virus to then build up this resistance. And the word vaccine, you said inoculation, which is quite an old word, it was what we used to use as a kid. Yeah, it's a really old word. We use vaccine now, and the word vaccine is Latin um vaca for cow. So vaca is cow and Latin, and that's where vaccine comes from. Wow, there you go. So the uh vaccine was born. There was a few little blips along the line. Obviously, it didn't go quite smoothly at first, but eventually you got it just right and it rolled out across the world, across England at first. And you know, not everybody builds up the resistance like any vaccine, there can be. Uh, I I there's only 2% of the population who can't get any immunisation from vaccines at all, and I'm one of them. Found out when I was a midwife to told you this. We were given uh hepatitis uh um inoculation vaccine, and um when I went to get tested to see if it had worked, there's just nothing. Yeah, got a booster, nothing, got a third one, not a thing. Anyway, I did some further tests and uh they found that I uh I just can't get immune to anything, really. I did have the um COVID vaccine purely so I could go on holiday.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Because actually it made me quite ill.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

God, I was ill as fuck after that.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

It made me quite ill, yeah, yeah. But it didn't didn't do the job. They should have done none of them do. So when I was a midwife, I had to like you know double glove in like you know high risk patients and stuff like that. The risk was mine, not theirs. I had to sign something to say that I understood the risk.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Yeah, yeah. God damn, I was sick as fuck after that COVID.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Well, one in particular I was sick after. The first one wasn't too bad, but I can't remember which one it was now. But one I was like, and Jimmy wasn't well either. Wasn't good at all. Anyway, a few little funny little facts uh that go along with this that I want to share. So when this was being rolled out and um people realised that they were being given a cowpox vaccine, these mad cartoons started showing up all over the place of people uh sprousing horns and wearing cowbells and like distorted human cow faces and all that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

And punch that was like the magazine for the channel. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah, but there's also some religious clercs claiming that vaccines interfered with God's will. Would it be God's will if they got smallpox though? Or their kid got smallpox and died? Would it be God's will? So if they didn't give their kid the vaccine, which often happens now, anti vaxxers, and the kid died, would it be God's will?

SPEAKER_01 21:58

But you could you could You that is a it it maybe it was God's will to give that fellow the intelligence to discover that you could vaccinate people, yeah, discuss.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Yeah, exactly that. I've had this discussion with my dad years ago when he was talking to me, and he was always like, you know, you shouldn't interfere. You know, we've all got a path, God's got a plan, and all that, and um lots of different conversations about intervention, yeah. And I'd be like, Well, what if it is God's intention though for us to learn and develop so we can help ourselves, yeah, so it isn't fucking all down to God and his will, you know, take a bit of pressure off the big man, yeah. And he was like, No, it's God's will.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

Fuck off.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

I mean, I'm sure some of you agree with that, and I'm not dissing it. You know what I'm like?

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Um very theological, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 22:52

I didn't mean it to go down that line anyway. So we went from people sprouting cut uh horns on cartoons to God's will. Anyway, uh, there's some dockers out there that hated Jenna for creating this, uh they felt that it threatened them professionally. Um, I don't know how and why. Sure, it made their jobs easier. Maybe they wanted to be the first person to crack the code, but they didn't get over it.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Oh, after God. But you know, the results were undeniable. You know, deaths fell. Um, and as you probably know, um, smallpox became the first human disease ever to be completely eradicated. Yeah. Apart from in a lab in Muhammad, probably.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

There's been little outbreaks of it though, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Yeah. I think it's been it's been released. When it's been eradicated completely, where else has it come from?

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

It hasn't just recreated itself. Would have done it years ago otherwise. Yeah. 1977, it was completely eradicated. That was the um the last naturally occurring case in 1977. So if it's been eradicated worldwide, I was declared as also by the World Health Organization in 1980 to be officially declared worldwide. Um declared eradicated worldwide. So how are these things popping up if it hasn't come from a lab? It's bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

So Wuhan and places like that I've got a lot to answer for. Stop fucking meddling. There's meddling to you know get um cures for things like what happened here. Yeah. But why then keep the disease somewhere? Why keep it somewhere once you've eradicated it if you haven't got malicious intentions?

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Yeah, it's an arm.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

Are you thinking that maybe they'll keep it because it might be that they can use that at a later date to cure something else?

SPEAKER_01 24:46

I'd like to think that's the reason, but But something that deadly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

No.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

No. I'd I'd like to think that's the reason, but it it does it does make you think, does it?

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Well, I'm fucking suspicious.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

I'm suspicious, yeah. But like I'd like to think that that is the reason why.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

I'd like to think it as well, but it's not. Anyway, so this thing um that was not found by accident, it was just a guy who just thought one day, I wonder, I wonder if because they've had this similar disease before, I wonder if that's the reason why they're not getting L and every other motherfucker's dropping dead.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

It's some lateral thinking.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

It is lateral thinking, I like that. And you're talking a fucking long time ago when actually we didn't even know we didn't have names for things in our body. No, you know, bacteria, viruses, they weren't even words. So, how did he have the smart? Where did he dig that from? To even put two and two together when they didn't even know how this thing came about, they didn't know how things formed, it's just mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

I think that's because I think that's when you hear about inventions and stuff get stuff getting invented and that, and you think, what made them think to do that? Do you know what my one is? And it and it's it's tobacco. Who who thought to like dry a plant out and smoke it? I mean, that's some reach that like, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? Like coffee as well. Like, who thought to like sort of like crush coffee beans up, put them in hot water and drink it? Yeah. You know what I mean? No, like it's it's it's you do think like it. Yeah, because someone's done that to start that off, but what made them do it?

SPEAKER_00 26:35

So it's obviously been something's been a catalyst. So what was your first one? Tobacco. So I wonder, right, back in the day in some fucking forest somewhere, yeah. Somewhere where tea might grow. I'm really showing my ignorance here. Tea is not the growing of tea is not my specialism. I wonder, right, if they've gathered like branches and shit to make a fire. Yeah. And there's been tobacco leaves and it's smoked, and they've gone.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

It's alright, that is. It's alright, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 27:06

That's alright. I wonder, I wonder if you know we could make a smaller fire and then go. And then they've thought, oh, we could maybe put it in something, a pipe, because that's what it would have been. Crush it into a pipe. So that that's probably how that one came about. What was your other one?

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Coffee.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

How would they have done coffee? So I reckon with coffee, again, coffee beans growing, trees growing any type of fruit. They've thought, I wonder if that's a fruit, that hard thing that isn't squishy like a banana, but it's still hanging off there. So it's in pods, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 27:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

So I wonder if quite a thing. Not too sure about that. Yeah. And they leave it out in the sun, they've gone, the sun's dried it, and then they've gone, that's a different taste. And then they've gone on from there. Just missing a carrot. It's gonna be something like that, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 28:07

It is interesting though, isn't it? You know, when you think like what you know, thing things that are being done, invented, and that's like who does who thought to do that in the first place?

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Somebody much cleverer than us, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Or by act or like i in a lot of cases, like it's by accidents.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Yeah, it's by accidents. Well, it's loads and loads and loads of um medications and vaccines that have been found by accident. Um, so you'll probably know I've got lupus. The my treatment uh is actually an anti-malarial because they found hydroxychloroquine, it was a thing that Trump was going on about. So there was a worldwide shortage of uh medication that people with lupus really, really, really needed, and it was nowhere to be found because Trump was telling every motherfucker to take hydroxychloroquine because that'll stop you getting COVID, which it didn't, and then people with lupus couldn't get their meds.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Gob shaded.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

Oh, have you seen um the video of the toilet brush and it's uh Trump on his hair? His hair is like dackling in the toilet house. But the video, it's got like this funny little voice go, it's the funniest thing I said it to you. Anyway, so we're gonna move on.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

14th of May 1939, so a bit closer uh to home, though not in the 1700s. Have you heard of somebody called Lena Medina? It's a great name. No, haven't you?

SPEAKER_02 29:35

No.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Okay, I thought you might have heard of this because it even though it was a long time ago, it's one of those things that once you read it, you go, fucking hell. And her name's quite distinctive.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Yeah, it's an interesting name, like so, she came from Peru.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

Okay, and she was five years old.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Rice.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

People think this is like an internet urban legend. I don't, it's 100% true.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

This isn't that youngest girl to get pregnant, is it? It is. You're on fire today, aren't you?

unknown 30:10

Where did that come from?

SPEAKER_01 30:14

I don't know, because we came from somewhere though, didn't it? Didn't it just?

SPEAKER_00 30:18

I'm dead impressed.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

I'll I'm I'm just I'm I've just scared myself, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

So I'm gonna start doing pub quizzes with you.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

I'm telling you, I I am going to pub quizzes.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

There's a lot of shit in there, obviously, isn't there?

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Telling you.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Well, well done. Thanks, man. So I'm gonna tell you more about Lena Medina, who was quite rightly the youngest um girl to um have a baby, and she had the baby by cesarean section. It's disgusting, disgusting. Yeah, anyway. This is 1939. So, what do you think happened around this time when people got hold of this news that the girl, five-year-old girl, was uh pregnant. What do you think people what what happened?

SPEAKER_01 31:00

I think people would probably be looking for the Zaz.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Okay, they didn't.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

It's 1939. So, what actually happened was uh the media were like, oh wow, the youngest girl in the world to have a baby and she's got a baby boy, and all that nothing about how did this fucking five-year-old get pregnant in the first place? Yeah. So, anyway, her parents at first thought that um she had some kind of a tumour, a fast-growing true tumour. Obviously, she's very little, yeah, and um at the time she was taken into hospital by her parents who thought she had a tumour, she was seven months pregnant. So, this tumour would have been fucking massive. Yeah, seven months pregnant on a grown woman is a fair size, you know. I was waddling round at seven months, you know, fucking really waddling round by nine months. So this was a very big tumour. Anyway, the parents they were um from a very poor, remote area in Peru. Um, and they feared that something mesically catastrophic was going on. They were very, very fearful, they didn't think for a minute that she could have been pregnant, not one minute, no. And like I said before, she was actually seven months pregnant. So doctors initially struggled to accept it themselves, obviously, and they realized once they were it was true, that she was she was just too young to give birth. Naturally, she'd have to have to do a cesarean section. Um, and before they did this while they were examining her and thinking what the fuck they were gonna do, they were like, How can she get pregnant? Not just by whom, which is a big, big question, yeah, but she's five. Yeah, how is her body able to get pregnant? Anyway, they realize through testing that she's this really rare condition called precocious puberty. Essentially, a body had begun developing unbelievably early, very, very, very early, and actually, some doctors um think as early as three or even younger. So, but she would have been having periods. So, what's uh mum thinking about that? I don't know. They are from a very poor, remote area in Peru, though, so maybe they're just not exposed to what's normal. I don't know. Was the woman not educated enough to know that this baby should not have been bleeding at three? Uh it's just there's lots and lots of questions, and I did a lot of digging on this. And I actually gave me more questions. Uh just and that was one of them. You know, the the mother, how did she not realise when she's handling her five-year-old picking it up? Did she not feel movement? Yeah, did she not cuddle her child's, you know, reading stories or something can see her belly moving? Because you can, yeah, oh yeah, and especially on a small child when she's in the bath.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Yeah. It's it's mind boggling that.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

The doctors were convinced though that the the parents were like they're really, really, really shocked.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

So either they weren't caring for a child properly and weren't noticing these things because they just weren't caring for it properly, or she just was totally and utterly naive. How can you be that naive and you've already had a ch a child yourself, though? You know what how your body changes. Did she not recognise the changes she saw in her own body and her child? I just I just don't know. It's nuts, it is, anyway. So even now, this is very, very rare, this precocious puberty. Uh very rare. It's obviously identified now, and so parents and children will be warned, you know, not to uh explore sex too early, even if you do. Yeah, yeah. So even though there's this media spin on it, uh for me, there's obviously this big question that a child can't consent to anything like this, how she gets pregnant in the first place. Meaning this is unquestionably abuse of some sort by somebody. Um, and the identity of the father was um never conclusively um established publicly. So the father of the child wasn't released. However, Lena's father, who was initially arrested, uh he was under obviously very strong suspicion, he was released later on due to lack of evidence. They didn't have DNA back at the time, but later on they did. I would wanted to have known if I was Lena and and the child. But now the the their father was released. Um there's loads and loads of rumours. Uh the local community, what have a very few of them, were finger pointing, but nothing, nothing was proven. Lena went on to have a very healthy baby boy by Caesarean section. She renamed him Gerardo.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Right?

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Yeah. Named after one of the doctors involved in delivery. Because I mean, she wasn't really planning for a baby, so what else would you call a kid? Like, er, I don't know. But um they went on to live a quiet life afterwards. The media coverage eventually um died down, but it never veered away from the whole medical curiosity.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

This, you know, medical curiosity, this young girl having a baby. It was never about a traumatised child who'd been abused. Never imagine that now. Yeah. I mean, the newspapers are bad now, but apparently they were really bad then for sensationalising headlines. Really, really bad. Yeah. So uh years later, uh, apparently the family told Gerardo that Leona was his sister. I can't establish whether he was ever told the truth. I think he probably was, eventually, maybe. What that does then to both of them, because then the kid knows that he was he's in the world as a result of abuse of a five-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Yeah, it's uh tough to say, Kenny.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

But again, we're in Peru. Will will they all fully understand the repercussions of receiving that news? Would they sell tell them anyway? I don't know. Um, and Gerardo unfortunately died in his 40s from illness, but Lena went on to live a very long life, but uh disappeared out of public view. You would, wouldn't you? Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_01 37:40

Um I imagine though having a guy I imagine it like when the kid gets like sweat, like celebrating your kids 21st and you're 26. That's it's fucking mad.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

I mean, there's loads and loads of cases out there, isn't there? Um I mean Jam Jimmy's got a family member in this instance. Uh their mum was only young, 15, 60. I think her mum was 16. And um so his cousin, uh a part of her life believed that um her mum was actually her nan.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

I think she was quite a bit older when she got told. And yeah, by then it was like, well, she's older, yeah, whatever. Yeah, yeah. But uh there's loads of families like that, isn't there? But yeah, five years difference. I just I can't imagine what that does to your body. I'm thinking medically now, I don't think she probably would have gone on to have other children. I think after the cesarean section at that young age, never mind the mental trauma, the physical trauma to her body. I don't know whether she would have been advised or able.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

Maybe she would have been able, I don't know. Um caesarean section back in 1939 would have been a classic incision which goes up, bit more risky, harder to heal. So I don't think she would have had the ability to have children after that. Sad, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 38:58

Yeah, it's sad, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:00

Lena Melina. Right. So I was gonna do a dangly bit, but I haven't got a dangly bit. Forgot to write it down. So instead, I'm actually gonna highlight something that is new on the back here. You haven't seen all of our shit, have you? Uh so the new thing, yeah, you've seen that before. Yeah, there are crocheted things that our fans have sent in. Yeah. And some hitty bits and bobs, but this is new. So, Mel, thank you very, very much for sending this in. Uh, it's obviously the stocks in townhouse. Well, we did use to have a stocks, we haven't got them anyway. So the bottoms. It's a it's just a a replica, obviously. But it actually does move. I don't wish up with that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:57

Moving.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

But you probably won't be able to see this. I wonder if I can do that so you can see it. No, no, it's okay. Because I'm gonna do that. I don't know if it's gonna pick up on camera. It's got purple and green highlights in it, it's two-tone. So I'll see the paddle cell.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

I can't see the fucking green from here.

SPEAKER_00 40:20

It's got like yeah, you can't. It's got like a tinge. Or is it blue? It looks greeny to me. Like purple and green.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

It's got all the fucking colour blinds on dark colours. What are you looking at for then? Because it's like a I mean, green's not dark, is it? I can't see green on that love, you know. Well, it's purple at least. It's purple.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Can you see the two-tone innit? It's got two-tone when you do that. Can't you see that? No. Wow, well, you really are colourblind then? That's obvious that. So, like, I tell you, you can really see that. The two tone? Okay, before you hold that thought, don't forget. I know you're old, you forget things, just don't forget that story. So, thanks, Mel. I absolutely love it. I love that it's two-tone, and I love that it's articulated.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

That is good sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

I just love it. I absolutely love it. It's just like the little things in life, isn't it? Yeah, it's absolutely fabulous. So, that is now on our desk. So, you were gonna say something.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

No, I was gonna say like when I f I I first knew that I had like a problem like with dark colours when uh I'd I'd like left school and stuff like that, was like got went into my first job and um like I had to go get like you know, keck shirt and tie and that cec's trousers, by the way, sorry. Um and do you remember Burton's? Yeah, like so I went to the went to Burton's on County Road, right? So went in there and I was like, right, I'll get some like black cacks and that couple of shirts, ties, and that. And I brought them over and I remember getting ready for work, and I was like that. And my mum was like, Andy, what the fuck are you doing with a pair of purple cacks on that? Purple?

SPEAKER_02 41:57

And I was like, they're black. Thank God, your mum was it?

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Like they're not, they're like they're like deep purple, and I was like, oh I can't go to work and these when I go to um you know we buy like dark clothing, right? So we are right, so when we had RD last Friday, right? Radical Desire at Townhouse, Radical Desire at Townhouse, first Friday of every month. First Friday of every month, yeah. What she says. So anyway, um Sarah was like saying, like, you need to have black clothes. I was like, I haven't got black clothes, don't wear black clothes, right? So I went to um I went to Asday, just got like a pair of black jeans and a black polo neck, and I had and I say they are to the girl, they are black, aren't they? Because I can't tell. Wow. Other colours sound like you know, like yellows and reds, blues and stuff like that, but like dead dark colours, like I thought it was more common to get like blue and green mixed up and that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

I've not heard of that before.

SPEAKER_01 42:51

But I don't wear all black clothing. No, as I I I drew the parallel, didn't I?

SPEAKER_00 42:55

You wear them, you wore black clothes.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

Yeah, like I think, yeah, it was like yeah, it is. Actually, it's a black and white. But the the the the the tie was like paisley, wasn't it? Like, but it was like I say said to you like last Friday when I was dressed all in black, and I was like, I feel like I should be off to go and see the Smiths in Constance or break into someone's house.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

Yeah, because you don't wear black. Yeah, I don't wear black. No. I used to live in black, I was a goth.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

And you know.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Oh Dan, he's terrible. I've said before to you, laugh, I don't think you know. At the school, I used to I was a big goth, I was a big goth, and I'd turn up and he'd go, Oh, God mum, why have you got to turn up and look like a goth? So I was like, uh, would you prefer me to turn up in my pajamas and ug boots like the rest of the mum's in house here? But it said a bit too loud. And the mums in the in the yard with the pajamas and ug boots were all like that, looking at the goth.

SPEAKER_01 43:50

So you're not going out with the house and pajamas and scancy, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 43:54

Well, do you know what? The worst I'll do is go to my bin. And then, I mean, obviously it's very public here. So I'm literally look out the door, make sure there's no dude up the path on the side. I'm like that nobody there, up and down the prom, run down, and then run back up again before MD knows.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

I did an airport run the other day in my pajamas. But it was literally getting in the car driving up to the airport and back.

SPEAKER_00 44:16

Did you not think about if you broke down?

SPEAKER_01 44:18

I do think that like, but I just like to I've got I like to have the optimism to think that I'm not gonna break down. But I always remember the first time I ever seen someone at seen someone out in pajamas, and it was um do you remember do you ever remember when there was that set that Tesco Express on County Road? Yeah and I was in there this one morning, I think I just took the kids to school or something. And I like seeing this girl go past, and you know, you do like a double ticket and I was like, She's wearing fucking pajamas, yeah, and I just couldn't get my head around it, and like you you see it more and more now, and I'm thinking, I won't even go out the house without a shower. No, honest to God, I ask me, ask me birds goes nuts, right? Because it'd be like, oh, we're gonna go here, and I'm like, right, okay. And I'll go and get a shower. And he said, Can't you just throw your clothes on and go on? I'm like, No, I can't do it. It's like I don't know what it is, I can't go out the house without a shower. The only time I'll ever do it is like say, for instance, getting up going straight to the gym, because what's the point in having a shower before you go to the gym? But like, it's like I just think like you're scruffy to act, got some clothes on.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

Well, I've had a shower before you turned up today because I've been in the cafe. Yeah, and I mean I've put my jeans on because I didn't have clean jeans. I've had a shower, I've done my makeup, I haven't really done makeup, I haven't really gotten to do anything. My top from last night, because it was clean on last night, but I still have a shower because I was like, I smell of bacon from the cafe. I can't. And yesterday I had three showers, one in the morning, one before the um the theatre, and then before I went to bed.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

And all the summer when it's hot and stuff like that, and you're you I'll have like maybe have like sweaty menopausal.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

So I'm like, yeah, I need to have another shower. Yeah. I'm going out, I've got to have a shower. Yeah. Do you know what though? Also, it's quicker than having a wash. It is like a freshen up, just in and out of the shower. I would have just been drying my face off by the time I've got the shower. Oh, it's fucking water and everything all over the place. Nah, doing your tackle.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

Yeah, I mean, like trying to like cock your leg up and give it like a I mean you're tall enough as well, aren't you? Can you, but water goes everywhere, doesn't it? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 46:21

Just imagine you mounting the sink now. Mount the sink. Cocking your leg over the sink like that. Laughing in his scouse for mouth.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:45

Right then, so we haven't done a tangly bit, but we've just done a tangly bit. Yeah. Oh, um, Eagle Eyes Amongst You. Again, Andy won't really get onto this because he hasn't seen the previous episode, but that look wasn't a look of disgust, by the way. It was like Sissy Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

Let's call it what it is.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

Sissy Wednesday um did a thing on Emily Bronte who was a bit nuts. This is her book, and she brought in Wuthering Heights for me to read, and it's now on display. Just for now. Right. Until I read it, I haven't read it yet. Sissy Wednesday would have read that about three times by now. She's terrible. Bookware. Judies. Yeah. Well, I was an avid reader. I'd like to read it before I went to bed and everything. Yeah. And then as soon as I took the club on, no. Because I just my sleep was precious. And so if I was in bed, it was to sleep. And as soon as my alarm went off, I was up and out. And then I just got out of the habit. So now, because I'm always doing things, I listen to audiobooks instead.

SPEAKER_01 47:46

That's what the last one I read as well. So bear in mind I've gone on honeymoon on a plane and stuff. Come on. There's about the Andes he's playing crash avenue where they had to like eat each other to so yeah. So I I wrote I read the the autobiography of Roberto Canassi. He was so there was two of them, wasn't there, who worked out. Yeah. It was um the it was the the one who went on to become like a renowned like art surgeon and all that sort of eating this one. Like complaints, yeah, brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

I thought it'd be really, really good.

SPEAKER_01 48:19

Yeah, I've read loads about that. It's a fascinating story. It is a fascinating story.

SPEAKER_00 48:23

I've only touched on it on here because it's a very, very well-known story. Yeah um but even the film's really good. Yeah, it's very, very good. I do like that.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

Have you read the have you seen the the newer one that's called the Spanish language one? No, brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Is it worth it worth a look?

SPEAKER_01 48:37

It's better than it's better than the the one that came out in the 90s.

SPEAKER_00 48:40

I I enjoyed it because obviously the older one, because it really could happen to anybody. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you are lucky enough to survive a plane crash, the very fact that they survived that, where they were, yeah, is nuts at all that mountain range. Yeah. And then I don't know, it's just that basic human thing of to survive. I've I've got I've got to be Sandy.

SPEAKER_01 49:03

He was my mate, you know, and they treated it like communions, didn't they? Because they had all like these kinds of like theological religious struggles over it and stuff like that, and they they they called it like a form of communion, didn't they? And they even jolted with each other saying, like, if I die, you can eat me and shit like that. Do you know what I mean? It's fascinating.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

I mean, just talking about it's hard. Well, you try and put yourself in that position. I mean, no human should have to make that decision, really, in this day and age, in modern times, obviously years ago, maybe different. But it uh that story always gets me because it's so human, yeah. It's so human to survive in those conditions as a human being, they've had to make a terrible decision and then get their heads around it, and or for me to have to make that decision, I don't know. It just humanised the whole thing when I read and saw the film.

SPEAKER_01 49:56

It was nearly three months they were there for, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 49:59

Andy, how did you do it? How did they survive that? They asked each other, no, but the cold though, the extreme conditions, but also, yes, they physically survived, but mentally do you ever get past that? No. No, you'd never be the same person ever again. No, ever. Not only surviving a plane crash, yeah, not only surviving a plane crash in those terrible conditions and putting your body through the extreme temperatures and everything, but also surviving eating human meat that happened to be your comrade, yeah, you know, because they were team members as well. They weren't just friends, yeah. Team members that were working together day in, day out. You never mentally get over that. Never.

SPEAKER_01 50:42

Society of the snow, it's called the Spanish language, one of you want to, it's really good.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

What's it called again?

SPEAKER_01 50:47

Society of the snow. It's on Netflix.

SPEAKER_00 50:48

Society of the Snow, okay, I'll have to have a look at that. Uh it's a it's a great story of survival and you know, and human endurance, but ooh, it's it's very um sobering, isn't it? Not half, yeah. You know, I I don't know what I'd do. Now I'd be like, I don't think I could do that. But if you if you were literally starving with no other options and there's meat just sitting there, I'd probably bulk my whole way through it, to be honest. I'd drink my own piss.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

You could just eat the snow, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:19

It's not good for you, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

Apparently, it's not like but your piss is better for you.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

If I had to, I would.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

Oh yeah, I've got someone has a gold, somebody has something that would like drink badger, yeah. Totally would. Why not?

SPEAKER_00 51:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh I mean I wouldn't just go along drinking my own piss. My mate Rach did that and uh cured herself of endometriosis. She said she read it somewhere, and I was like, Oh mate, you can't just drink your own piss every day. And it had to be the morning one as well, a bit more concentrated. So she put a bit of orange juice in there to make it more palatable because obviously it was so strong, and she'd whack it back. Not only did it sort him endometriosis out, she had not she hadn't done bad acne, she had I had lovely skin rage, but she had breakouts every now and then around the time the endometriosis kicked off, cleared that, and she went on to have children and she was told she'd never have children. Nice and she put it down to just drink her own piss every single day. So if I had to, I could do that, yeah. Because that doesn't seem as bad. But you know, slicing up your your bestie. No, I just don't think I could, but you don't know.

SPEAKER_01 52:24

It's just some fucking call to make it.

SPEAKER_00 52:25

You just don't know until you're starving in the middle of nowhere with no other options.

SPEAKER_01 52:30

Yeah, no just eat up there.

SPEAKER_00 52:36

Every time somebody says just eating now, just think Snoop Dogg.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

Every time I just see him. They've had some fucking people do the adverts. Oh, Casey Perry's up once, didn't she? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:45

Yeah, when Snoop Dogg did it, it's just like it just went another level to me.

SPEAKER_00 52:49

But you know what? I hadn't really used Just E up until that point. Yeah. When I saw Snoop Dogg, like, oh, he's advertising something. What's the advertising? And it's like just eat, I'm like, well fuck me. So now I do actually think about just eating. So when we order in, I'll normally do it via the app. So it did work for me, like yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 53:06

It's the power of advertising.

SPEAKER_00 53:07

That's the one. Right, we're gonna do a very quick segment because we've been going on. Fuck. It's gonna be a quick one, it's gonna be a long one when we're gonna shorten it down. So in the Victorian times, but even beyond there as well, people were sleeping on mattresses that let's say aren't up to the standards that they are today.

SPEAKER_01 53:29

I can imagine.

SPEAKER_00 53:32

And they would stuff their mattresses with any I'll fucking shit, sometimes quite literally, which caused all sorts of problems. I'm going to talk a little bit about this, but also some of the little Victorian things that they used to do. Anyway. So for centuries, people often didn't realise that what you stick in your mattress is really important. They were putting things in there like straw, leaves, animal skins, feathers, rocks in some cases, horse hair, reeds, wool, hay. So all these things that they're putting in their mattresses, wood harbour parasites? Parasites, moles, insects. But also, if you think about it, they're taking the thing from the field, hay and all the animal piss and everything, rat piss. So they're sleeping on these mattresses, stuffed with all sorts. Apparently, horsehair was really common. And horse hair keeps the bedding a little bit damp and obviously causes moles, can cause breathing problems, spores.

SPEAKER_02 54:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:46

Apparently, the insects and bed bugs, mites were just prolific. And these mattresses, which were never cleaned, obviously, were just harboring all this all these mites, and they were just engulfing houses, completely engulfing houses with mites and bed bugs. So basically, the these mattresses were like ecosystems, little biological ecosystems, but not just. I mean, mattresses were often reused as well or shared. So, like, you know, if a if a the father of the household worked through the night, he might use a bed in the day, and then somebody else would use it in the night time. Wouldn't always be quite so clean as well, back then, maybe not washing all the time the way we do now, what we're talking about then. So sweat on these things, skin, the mites in these things feed off dead tissue. So not only is it a perfect environment for breeding, but you're feeding the fuckers as well. They've got a great diet, like a fucking smoggus board, fleas as well, human fleas, animal fleas. There's horse hair in there, so that would come from the horse. Obviously, animal fleas don't live that long off the animal, but for a while they're there, they're fucking jumping around all over you. Um, and I was like your own body oils and all that. It's just it's a nasty, nasty environment. Disgusting. Anyway, industrialisation arrives, which means that companies are now mass-producing things like mattresses for obviously growing cities and all that, and you know, it gets a little bit dodgy as well because the factories need a lot of filling, cheap, a lot of filling. So, by the late 1800s and early 1900s, have you ever heard of the shoddy trade? No. Do you know where the word shoddy comes from?

SPEAKER_02 56:42

No.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

So I don't know whether international listeners would use the word shoddy. I don't know if it's a local thing or an English thing, but you know what we would use shoddy for, like shoddy clothing. Yeah. Yeah, it's like all done like a shoddy job of that. Yeah. Um shoddy is like somebody looking a little bit scruffy. Yeah. Yeah?

SPEAKER_01 57:00

Not great.

SPEAKER_00 57:01

So the shoddy trade back in the day, uh, it was actually a term for like recycled fibre, textiles, reused materials. So the shoddy trade was basically um mattress companies and stuff that needed fillings, and they would they were called like shoddy traders, and they would go and they'd collect all this scrap material from textile mills and all that on the floor. Rats pissing, all that. Yeah. They would also occasionally take sheets of materials from hospitals, prisons, and workhouses. So these mattresses were stuffed with anything from anywhere, um, right across the country because these things are now being mass-produced. So they're they're just collecting from anywhere.

SPEAKER_02 57:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:51

And they weren't opening them up again. Who who ever opens their mattress up to have a look at it? Even now. We're trusting companies to stuff them with decent stuff. Yeah. The more you pay for a mattress, the more you're like, well, there's got to be something decent in there. If you get a shitty mattress from somewhere, I don't know what it's filled with. So, because of this uh industrialization, investigators uh were starting to look inside mattresses and because people were complaining of getting ill and they couldn't really find out why, and houses were infested. Um, and like, well, where's the source coming from? Anyway, obviously they found it's coming from these mattresses, and uh things suddenly turned the opposite way, and the media were saying your children will die unless you change your mattress or clean your mattress or unless you're careful about what's in your mattress. So people were like literally going the other way. Um, and uh people were like getting rid of the mattresses, they're burning them and all this kind of thing. Anyway, fast forward. Have you noticed that uh mattresses have got um like labels on saying do not remove?

SPEAKER_01 59:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

That is like uh a stamp, if you like to say this mattress has been checked, it's got what what should be in there.

SPEAKER_02 59:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:12

If this is removed, or it's not on here, you need to be looking a little bit more carefully. So there's companies out there, like everything else, you know, making jog tops and shoes, trainers, and all that, making jog mattresses because people pay a lot of money. We pay a lot of money for our mattress. It's one thing I've always said I'll pay a lot of money for because you spend a lot of your time in bed, and you and I have both got a bad back. Yeah, I have got to have a decent bed, otherwise, I'm a cunt the next day I've had a bad sleep. So there's companies out there who are who are um selling jarg mattresses for the same amount of money. If you look off this label, it all comes from this, just filling stuffing the mattress with anything. Disgusting, isn't it? Absolutely disgusting. You won't even get that over here quite so much now, but you know, I think in other countries or you know, maybe areas where you know there isn't an awful lot of money, maybe there are still stuff and mattresses with all sorts. So look how it's a little label, do not remove on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:12

Do yourselves a favour.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:13

You don't want to get bed bugs from all that, do you? So before we finish that segment, just a few little things that other things I used to do back in the day. You've probably heard of uh arsenic in wallpaper. Yeah, yeah, um obviously deadly. Um people were getting really, really, really ill from um the the wallpaper, or some in some cases actually dying. There's other things as well. Hang on. There's radioactive material, radium. Radium is in all sorts, and radium was found in other products, health products like lipsticks and stuff like that. Yeah, so um cream, there was uh toothpaste with radium in it. So for a very, very short time, people thought that radium gave you energy, and so they put it in all sorts of products obviously had much more negative effects. There was also uh one industrialist guy I read somewhere who drank radioactive tonic daily, thinking that it would you know energise and it made his jaw fall off. Unsurprisingly, uh disintegrated fell off one day. Okay, well, yeah, excuse me. Also, I knew about this. My nan um used to make hats, she was a milliner. That was a job back in the day, she was a publican in the end. Um, both used to use mercury in hat making.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:35

Yeah. Yeah. That's really about it, because that's um the mad atom, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:39

Exactly that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:40

Mad from the mercury.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:41

Yeah. Lead in paint. Yeah. We know about that. That's uh not that long ago at all. There was still lead and paint, there's still houses now with um what's it called? On the skirting boards, gloss with lead in it. Um and also, we both know insulation with asbestos in it. Yeah. Uh, which the death from asbestos poison is not good. My friend dad, uh, he worked in a factory for years uh with asbestos, got badly poisoned. He got a bit of a payout, I think, but his death was not good. No, not good at all.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:17

Yeah, no payout, no payouts on a meet up for that, kind of.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:20

No, definitely, definitely not. Okay, it's not a long one. Dear Lady Lebotomy. I've realised I don't actually miss my ex, but I miss who I was back then. I was way more confident sexually, more adventurous, more fun, and just felt more like myself. My relationship is now healthy and loving. This isn't a I want my ex back thing, but I've noticed that I've become much quieter, a safer version of myself over the years. Is it possible to miss an old version of yourself without it meaning that you miss the person who you're with at the time? Yeah. I think we all just grow out of ourselves and just recreate ourselves all the time, don't we? I'm a different person now to who I was like 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

And 20 years ago, a different person from you know, 20 years before that. I think you just always evolved, don't you? Yeah. And I think what it is, maybe she's she said she was more fun, uh confident sexually, more adventurous. I get the feeling maybe she settles down with a family. Maybe she hasn't said so.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:25

She is she with someone else, is she?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:27

Yes. Um, and uh she said uh relationship now is healthy and loving. She says a case of I want my ex back. Yeah, I just miss the version of myself because I was much more fun. I get the feeling that she's in a relationship and she's probably got kids, and I think it's just changed her a little bit, you know. Yeah, I think you have to change when you've got kids. You can't be as adventurous because you're like, Well, if I do that thing, I could die, and I've got three kids. Yeah. And more, you know, sexually confident, I think your body changes as you get older anyway, and when you have kids, most definitely, so that might affect your um your confidence sexually. More fun, fucking hell. Try and have fun as an adult when you've got kids. So I'm assuming you have children. Um, if you haven't, it might just be that your pace in life is just changing because you are a bit older. And also, I think when you're in a loving, healthy relationship, I think contentment settles in.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:30

And you're not as wild. I think you have your wild moments. I certainly have my wild moments, but I don't, I'm not wild all the time. How fucking exhausted is that with your 50? Yeah, so I just think you change, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:42

The thing is, as well as it's like like how long ago was this ex if she's like sort of safe, I don't know how old you're love, like, but if you're in your 30s or 40s or something, late 30s, 40s, or something like that, and this exes from sorts like your early 20s or something, it's very easy to look back, isn't it, and be like, oh, you know what, that was fucking boss, that wasn't it? Do you know what I mean? But then exes an exes for a reason as well, and that there's that, yeah. But I think it is easy, like especially like sort of you know, having kids is a fucking game changer, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:13

I agree. So she was with her ex, and the ex is an ex for a reason. I don't know, it might not have ended bad, but you know, they're an ex. So maybe they're just looking back, like you say, with rose tinted spectacles that you know, the the happy times and the version of herself that she misses.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:31

I don't look back that often and think I want to be that person. I think the only thing I've done recently is I want to I want to be in my fitter version of myself again. I love to be in fit and slimmer, or I know I'm not overweight, but you know, when you're running all the time, I'd lean and I felt like I could just fucking fight the world because I could run and run and run. It's like Forest Gump. I miss that, yeah, and I know I can never get that back, and I've I've come to terms with it now. Um but I don't. Miss myself as a younger person um because I don't I like myself better now. Yeah. I feel like I've um I've grown into a better version. So I don't really get that, and I didn't like myself with my axe. I can't really quite relate to it. But all I can relate to though is getting older and changing and being a bit more content. And um it doesn't mean that you can't have the odd adventure and you know have that moment of madness and the fun day, the days that are unplanned, and you're like, fucking, that was great that day. You go for a pint and it wasn't planned at four pints late, you have the best fucking time. You can still do that, yeah. But when you're young and you've got more energy and maybe in a different circle of friends, I don't know. I just it's it's a bit more often, you've got more energy for it because you're not getting hung over quite so much that last three days. As you get older, having fun takes a bit more planning, yeah, doesn't it? Yeah, you know, I it can take the shine off things a bit. So you know, I like that you've stressed a couple of times that you don't you say you don't want your ex back. Your ex is an extra reason, as we've both said, but the version of yourself from years ago, it's just it's still you, it's just that your priorities have changed.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:15

Yeah, we just change, don't we?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:17

We evolved, and I think rather than look back and like you know, pine for the person that you used to be, enjoy the person that you are and the person you're yet to become because you don't know what's going to happen down the line. Do you?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:30

Sage advice.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:32

Right, hope that's helped. Right, go on, going forward, deviants. If you want to write in boss, please do. The best place is medic at the padatelpodcast.co.uk because uh your social media is just a little bit nuts. I can't lie. I get so many messages in my social media from weirdos and all the good posts get lost. And so I have to build myself up for social media now to read the dross to find the good bits, email. I doesn't mean all the nobeds can also email me as well. Now you've got my email. Anyway, if you want to write into Lady Lobotomy, email, but also if it's not too identifying, stick your age on there, and if you talk with somebody else, maybe their age, and a little bit more info, because it would have been good to know if you've got children and how long you've been with the person. If it's too identifying, leave it, it's totally fine. But it just helps us give a bit more tailored feedback.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:29

It is a it's a fucking game changer having kids, isn't it? It just changes everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:33

If we had our time again, we wouldn't have kids.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:36

Being honest, like, yeah, I I don't think I was.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:39

Yeah, I've actually said it to our Dan. And we've both said to both of them, um, don't have kids until you're over 30. If you can leave it a bit longer, leave it as late as you possibly can. Enjoy your life, get some money behind you, enjoy your money that you're actually earning, and also don't have kids until you can afford a babysitter, because we're not it. Yeah, we've said it, and I actually said to our Dan, I said, I love you to bits, but it's really hard work, and obviously, Dan's been through a lot with his dad, and I've been through a lot with his dad. Obviously, Jimmy's not his dad, and um so that that almost put me off, you know. And also for him, you know, he was like, I know it was a hard time, you know. So he knows where I'm coming from, like, would I want to go through that again? No, I love ya, but no, I wouldn't. But you know, being a mum did not come easy to me, it really didn't. I am not maternal, I am not maternal at all. People often said to me, You're not maternal, how could you have been a midwife? Well, midwife have got nothing to do with babies. It's not a midwife means with woman. Yeah, we look after the woman for the nine months and only the baby in the NHS for two weeks, yeah three visits if you're lucky. You know, we we look after the woman who's got a baby on board. Yeah, we don't have to be maternal, we have to be good with women, and that's what I was good. So, yeah, if I had my time again now, I wouldn't have kids. Uh I would enjoy my money. Yeah, I also don't like it when people get questioned for not having kids. No, I don't know. Because you might agree with this, and you know what? People out there who've decided not to have kids, especially females, I would argue that the people that have chosen not to have children, I don't mean people that can't, who's chosen not to have children, I think that decision took a lot longer and a lot harder than most people who've actually had children.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:33

Most people have had children, it's happened.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:36

Or they've got married and it's just expected because it's the next thing to do. Yeah, yeah. I think people who've got married or not, and have consciously chosen not to have children, have probably really, really thought long and hard and battled, and maybe even had some sleepless nights because they know that people are going to say to them, Oh, you haven't got children. Why? Why haven't you got you not like children? And you start getting judged as soon as you say, I haven't got children. Oh, why? Yeah, I didn't really want children. People look at you in a different way when you got two heads. And actually, all that would have been going around their mind, probably like, is it just me? Maybe it's just now, I'm in my career, and I can guarantee that women, because our biological clock can't help it, our ovaries fucking poker's like you're having a baby yet. So they would have been battling, you know. And um so my argument is actually the decision not to have children is a harder one. It's a it you think about it a lot harder and longer than anybody else who actually does have children. And so to me, a doff me cat because it was a hard one, very well thought out one. Uh, and also you've got to get the whole load of stick from all the fucking people who are pinging out babies. So, anyway, we've sort of went out of a little segue there, but you know, so I hope that's helped. And yes, definitely put some details on um any future laser lobotomies if it's not too revealing, because it'll help us tailor it a bit better. Yes, but also I've had people saying, even though it wasn't the question, some of the questions have helped them.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:08

And one person came to the club off the back of a laser lobotomy that we did absolutely ages ago. Yeah, yeah, really good. So, before we finish, do you know the muffin man?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:21

The muffin man?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:22

Yeah, yeah, the muffin drawing! Do you know? What? A Poseidon's kiss is okay now.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:34

You really know that I haven't got a clue going.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:38

Right. This would have happened to you. This would have happened to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:43

It'll have happened to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

Oh most of us probably. The difference is is that some quite go, ooh. Some people go, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:54

Is it like we'll have a little gas rise? Is it like when you have like a knack with someone? And it's like, and it's a proper like space everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:07

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:08

I'm sure it's got a name. Do you know what? I know what you mean. I'm not gonna say the person's name. As a teenager, I remember knacking this lad, and he's really slobbery.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:18

Right? And I was on a night out, and I was snugging him outside, intended on going back in. But I mean, we were going for it, like you know, I was going for it, but I wasn't the one fucking slobbering. Anyway, I was like, my makeup's gonna be off my face. So I had to cut my night short because it was obvious, and when I got over it, you'd fucking jump. He'd fucking chew me face off. So no, a Poseidon's kiss is not that. Okay, but I can guarantee it has probably happened to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:49

Go on about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:50

Don't think you would have gained pleasure, but maybe you did. Don't know. So, a Poseidon's kiss?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:57

That's never answering.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:58

It's gaining pleasure from the splooch of water that jumps up and soaks your bumhell after a deeply satisfying turd hits the toilet water.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:10

Yeah, they have had one.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:11

Yes, I have.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:12

I wouldn't call it satisfying one.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:14

Okay, did you gain pleasure? No. Okay, well, some people do.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:18

I can imagine maybe.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:20

Do you know why I don't gain pleasure? Mine. Because normally when you go for a zombie, you're that you'd have a way of the same signs, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:26

I can't do that. Can't you? I can't wear and poo at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:29

I'm not saying like usually usually like so when I go right, this is it in the weapons of Andy's and asking me by TMI. So when when I go down there, I'll I'll you know, have my little sitter, I'll get my phone out and that, and then I'll have a way, and then and then me. Once after it, and I think to myself, if I have a dump in that and I get a Pisadon's neck, it's gonna be full of piss. Like yeah. So I don't get pleasure out of. But anyway, I digress. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:58

Well, that was it. Was it I wanted to know if you gained pleasure from it. So I don't gain pleasure from it, and I can't wee and poo at the same time. I can't do it. I don't know, it's such a thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:12

You mean like when they're both happening at the same time? Yeah. No idles.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:16

Oh okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:17

But it's like what I'm saying, it's like when I sit down, I'll have a way.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:21

And and then the poop comes after.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:22

Got you, got you, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:24

Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:24

Depends how desperate I am sometimes. I'm like I don't know what okay turtles.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:29

Is that even physically possible?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:31

I don't know. But we and a poet at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. If you've got like diarrhea.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:36

Oh yeah, it's a full yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:37

So you're not having to engage muscle to that. Not that I do that. Um so if you haven't got to do that, as soon as you relax, you're weighing it.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:46

Yeah. But if you have to engage, no, I don't think so. But yeah, okay. So I don't enjoy Eposeidon's kiss. I have had Eposeidon's kiss.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:56

I think everyone has having the genome dunker, and that's the reason for it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:59

I wonder if when you've had a curry and you've had a particularly um spicy poop, like a bombay bum burner.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:08

Oh, I have these loads. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:10

And you've got proper ring sting, and you you haven't had a way first, because you're like, I've had a curry, solid, cold water around your hoop. Would that knob go ooh? I'm not selling it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:29

Last time I had really like because I like I like I like hot food, but it doesn't agree with me. Yeah. And erm I had these Pringles and the from America. And um spicy Pringles. They were fucking hot. They were that a hoss I was like crying a bit while I was eating them, but they were they were they were fucking lovely. But when I went to toilet the next day, I was like, my fucking bummo is actually burning.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:54

Oh bless you.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:55

Did you have to like dab with toilet roll rather than wipe?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:59

Done that before today. Yeah. This is really going down.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:02

Going down a hole that you want to go down. I was about to say it, then realise how it's time and decided to say it anyway, because that's how we roll. Right, so we're gonna go. The Pringles?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:20

Hot crisps. Why would you do that?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:22

I love hot crisps.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:23

I don't even do the spicy hot wings a lot like that. It's just if it's too hot and I can't taste it, there's just no point.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:30

No, but like so for you know, like when you go for a curry rice, so like I used to I used to like the hottest I'd go would probably be like a Vinzaloo or something, right? But now I tend to go for like miles of one, miles of ones that have like spinach, not maybe like a bit of chillion. Because if something's too hot, you can't taste it.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:47

Can't taste a thing, there's no point.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:48

But I do like a bit of heat, but it doesn't agree with me.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:51

No, no, I'd rather not. No, thank you anyway. Have you ever had a foul curry?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:59

Tried one.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:00

My ex used to have them regular.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:02

It's too hot. Like, what's the point in eating you can't taste it?

SPEAKER_00 1:18:05

Well, my ex lived in Blackburn and uh he was always on you know the curry curry row or curry something in Blackburn. And uh oh god, he was just always on curry, and he got to a point in Vindalurus wasn't quite giving him the sweats that he wanted. So he used to have a fan. And he'd demolish it. And his lips are like a purple red lips, tongue be on and his arse the next day, and the farts. Oh my god! And he was one of these people I farted in public, hated it. Why I was with this guy, I don't know, because he was nothing I would find attractive now. Anyway, but he wore anyway, he goes, and because he's had curry all the time, the fucking smell, and even from when I very first met him, why I stayed at him, I don't know. I didn't drive at the time, he'd pick me up and he'd fart in the car, and I couldn't get out, he'd be driving and the smell oh X for a reason, like we said before. So on that X bomb shell, we're gonna go.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:05

Are you gonna do the thing?

SPEAKER_01 1:19:06

No, you're gonna do because I can never fucking remember it. I've got a memory like a car crash what I said.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:14

One out of ten for effort, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:17

It's your thing to say anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:19

So Anuelle needs to inform you that Sissy Wednesday has done it all the way through. Barry has done it all the way through.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:29

And Kev has done it all the way through. Kev did a little mistake on the last one, and he oh you know Kev gets a little huff on sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:37

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:38

He gets a little weed on. With himself, he got it wrong, and he could tell he'd been practicing it, and when he came to the moment, he got it wrong, and he went, oh big like huff. And I went, Oh, don't get a huff on Kev. So we did it together at the end, and he was alright then. I won him round. So you're not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:55

No, no, I'm gonna do it. Um what we'll do is next, I'll I will practice for next time, or if not, I'll race it on my hands and go.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:03

So you can't, your hands like that's the camera, can't see you. What we could do is do that, and your mouth isn't even moving, it's pre-recorded or have it written on a piece of paper on the wall there. Thank you. Dead obvious. So we're gonna go. Come on then. So you can listen so you can practice. If you've binge watching, pop the catalog with CN5. If not, we'll see you next week. Bye. Oh, we have it! Another 20 minute. Thanks for dropping by enjoying the appreciate. Oh no, maybe for some five-star reviews. Oh, we don't freeze the settings in my house. Oh, anyone enter up the top thing, we can't come to my next week we can't follow us. I don't know where I'm going next, but I'm coming. Catch you soon.