EPISODE 135 - The Tornado and the Chicken

Kev is fresh from Gran Canaria and brings us a souvenir! It's reliability is questionable! lol  Vicky dresses for the occasion, but what is the occasion?? Expect dirty mugs, chicken woes, deadly dancing, end of days and a heart wrenching lady Lobotomy. Vicky also finds a Fetish Factoid that Kev is onboard with!!!!! 

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Recorded and Produced by Vicky at The Padded Cell Studios

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Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Are you a deviant? You know, like those of us who binge watch serial killer programs, laugh at the stupid stuff people do, and revel in anything else? Well, you found your people! Join us as we crack open the door to Pavistelle and release the insanely stupid, the weirdly wonderful, and those who choose to live outside societal norms. We delve into the strange, the macabre, the sexy and the outrageous! So, if you're a deviant, then you have your place in the Path of Cell. Hello and welcome to episode 135 of the Palaceel Podcast. And today I'm here with our Kev! Right! Fresh from Gran Canaria. Oh shall we say fresh? Um you had a bit of a wild time, didn't you, Felipe?

SPEAKER_04 0:59

I did, I partied. I sent you something of me banging a tambourine in a bar at one o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_05 1:06

It was so gay though, Kev. You were for the time of your life. I was so pissed and you were quite serious with it though, as well. Oh yeah, it was so when the music. When Kev sends you a video on a nice house when he's been drinking, it's not to it's not to like make fun of himself and look how silly I'm being. No, Kev is being the campest Kev ever. He's normally got other people in town, or something that he's made into an instrument, a bangy thing, and he's dancing around living his best life. This time you were what were we actually singing now? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

It was Doe Deep or something like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:38

I can't remember, a bit of tambourine. He'd found a tambourine and he's sending me a fucking video like again like the gayest tambourine banging ever. But you sent me about four separate ones.

SPEAKER_04 1:49

I know, deleted them though.

SPEAKER_05 1:51

You didn't delete mine, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:52

They came through, so it's oh I deleted them on the group chat.

SPEAKER_05 1:55

I sent them on the group chat as well. Oh, thanks very much. So they were all saved from your tambourine playing, but I got all four videos uncut. Oh, they were dead good though. You would look like you were having a ball.

SPEAKER_04 2:07

Oh, I was having the time. Did you have a really good time? Oh, I had a great time. Good to see an old friend, and then just to get some sun, get some vitamin D in me, you know. And then just go out and just enjoy myself at night and have the camp all time where I can. Yeah. You know, amongst other people who from every walk of life doing exactly the same thing.

SPEAKER_05 2:27

Yeah. So, okay, I I actually haven't been to Gran Canaria.

SPEAKER_04 2:32

Oh, you should go.

SPEAKER_05 2:33

I've been everywhere, but we should go. Oh, yeah. Gran Canaria then. Um is it mainly gay men, or is it just gay people, or just LGBT queer people, or is it just anybody?

SPEAKER_04 2:46

Um, so it's a it's a destination that is in probably the most open to LGBT people in in Europe, and that's Spain, right? Yeah. And Spain seems to have quite a few resorts that have a dedicated scene for the LGBT community.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:08

Uh Gran Canaria is one of them, but it's spring weather all year, isn't it? It's lovely and hot all year, it's a great place. And it just embraced it. And it's so it's got its own little centre, the Yumbo Centre, um, in a resort where you've got everyone else, straight, whatever you are, yeah, in having holidays with their families and everything like that, and then right in the middle of it is this Yumbo centre where it you can just be who you want to be, be the campest thing ever, be the butchest thing ever, you know, or dress to look like the butchest thing ever. There's leather, there's all sorts of stuff, all walking around, holding hands, and just being themselves in a place where they can. And it's and it is so lovely. Even walking through the resort, you'll see two men walking hand in hand. I don't know any city where you can do that and know that someone's not going to attack you.

SPEAKER_05 4:06

Exactly. Yeah. And that so you feel completely safe.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Oh, completely safe.

SPEAKER_05 4:11

Right. I mean, that's brilliant, but it's just a bit like that you have to go over there to feel that safe, but at least that it is a destination on holiday where everyone can go. It's not too far, yeah. Uh, and you know that you can do whatever you want and there's just nothing to worry about. Anyway, so you're 50 now.

SPEAKER_04 4:28

I am an old.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Just drop that in there.

SPEAKER_04 4:37

Yeah, I'm 50 now. Do you feel any different? No.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

You don't, do you?

SPEAKER_04 4:42

No, I don't. I just feel that I've I've got a a licence now to say whatever I want to people.

SPEAKER_05 4:47

Yeah. Well, you already did, like I said last time. You have a license, but you don't give a fuck now. Beforehand, it's like you give a bit of a fuck and you're like you filtered it a little bit. You turn 50 and you're like, no, do you know what? I'm half a century now. I deserve to say what I what I want. Because I think I'm gonna make sense to most other young people out there, because I've lived. I don't care if you don't agree.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Exactly. And if if I offend you, well, get over it.

SPEAKER_05 5:10

Yeah, I don't care if I offend you either.

SPEAKER_04 5:12

No.

SPEAKER_05 5:13

You do, don't you? Just as like flick a switch all of a sudden. It's it's very liberating.

SPEAKER_04 5:16

Just get over it, you know, because it's my opinion, I'm entitled to it.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

Yeah. I don't know whether maybe Gen Zs would do this when they got to 50. I don't know if it's just because of us. Gen X's are just a little bit of an in-between-ish, weird little generation, aren't we? Who are little laws unto ourselves, really. So I think the next generation, by the time they get to this point, I don't think they'll be quite so um no fucks given as us.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

No.

SPEAKER_05 5:40

No, which is a shame, but we're gonna enjoy ourselves. Right, so 21st of May, this is going out.

SPEAKER_04 5:47

Right.

SPEAKER_05 5:48

And it's international tea day.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

Tea.

SPEAKER_05 5:50

Tea.

SPEAKER_04 5:51

Oh, tea. Tea.

SPEAKER_05 5:52

As in cup of little finger going up. You didn't even have a cup in your hand, your little pinkies going up in the air. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's international tea day, so cheers to everybody out there who uh enjoys a cup of tea. Cheers, but and I I'm really ashamed of myself I didn't clean my mug. That's right. I've told you, haven't I, that I leave my mug? Have I told you this? So if you're a proper tea drinker, there's something about leaving your mug unwashed for a little while to allow the tannin to build up around it's ming. It's ming.

SPEAKER_04 6:28

You don't have milk though, do you? No. You see, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:30

So I have about, I don't know, eight, nine cups of tea a day. More, more. A chop of tea tank. And so it takes a day or two, and we cup black. But uh it's it's not as bad as it normally is, and it's bad.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

Oh. But the thing is as well, that means that that is your mug.

SPEAKER_05 6:48

Nobody else is gonna drink out of my mug because it's ming. And you know what? I'll give that till tomorrow. I'm not even gonna wash that today, it's bad. I know it's bad.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

It's just something about it's wrong, but it's so right.

SPEAKER_04 7:01

Whereas mine goes in the dishwasher, and if it gets any brown marks around it, it's bleached.

SPEAKER_05 7:07

Well, I have to bleach it, obviously. So tomorrow, probably tomorrow morning, I'll I'll bleach it. I'll treat my cup to a bleach. I'll have to build it up again.

SPEAKER_04 7:17

But do you like do you like the change in flavour as it as it builds up?

SPEAKER_05 7:21

Yeah. Because I like my tea strong, it just don't adds to it. It doesn't, but in my head, it does. And I'm not washing my cup, and I don't care. If any of you ever come round as a guest, just need to get on with the fact that I don't wash my mug. All the other ones are washed. You've had clean mugs, it's just my mug. So, international tea today. Also, also, I want to um put you onto a couple of podcasts. Now, I don't you're not really a podcast listener as such, are you?

SPEAKER_04 7:46

No, I only ever watched this because it was yours.

SPEAKER_05 7:48

Yeah, which is nice, thank you. Um, but the people that listen and watch out there, obviously they are podcast fans because they don't know us, but they still tune in every week, so they must be fans.

SPEAKER_04 7:57

And I was a fan, I wasn't watching I started watching it because it was yours. Yeah, and I was like, I was like, this is great.

SPEAKER_05 8:03

Has it not made you want to listen to other podcasts?

SPEAKER_04 8:06

No, because it's finding the time bit.

SPEAKER_05 8:10

But I listen to podcasts as I'm doing things, so if I'm cleaning, I'll have podcasts on. Right. If I'm like doing a bit of research, but I haven't got to concentrate, just like flicking, trying to find things and all that, because that's what I do. I flick, oh, that looks good, story. Flick story and then I go back and read. Um I'll have my podcasts on then. I'll listen to loads. Anyway, I've recommended loads of podcasts to the deviants, um, and at the moment I'm veering towards podcasts that haven't got adverts. As you know, I fucking hate adverts, but most of the really great ones that advert at the moment are on the BBC.

SPEAKER_04 8:41

Right. See, I I watch a lot of vlogs though on on YouTube, so that's my sort of like.

SPEAKER_05 8:47

Okay, I can I can um recommend some vlogs as well. Okay. Offer because we'll be going forever. So people think to watch us on YouTube you've got to pay. Sub subscribe sounds like you have to pay someplace. Yeah, no, you don't. You don't. If you sign up to like the premium subscription, then you get things without adverts. Or if you sign up to our Patreon, which is cheap, um, you get all of the all of our um all of our episodes without adverts and extra stuff as well on Patreon that nobody else gets. But you haven't got to pay anything to watch on YouTube and stops people. So if you're interested, because sometimes it's great to listen, but our reactions are quite good to watch. Um, so you head over to YouTube and watch us and just hit subscribe, it costs you nothing, and then you get alerts then as all new stuff comes in.

SPEAKER_04 9:35

Follow because that's what it means. It just means that every time an episode is released, it'll be on your YouTube list if you follow us and you can watch us and catch up and see where you've been. It's brilliant.

SPEAKER_05 9:45

Yeah, yeah. So subscribe, you haven't got to pay, and come and see our faces anyway. This this is not on video, the one I'm gonna tell you about now. If you're on um BBC, you might have seen this anyway. Um, there's a series called Crime Next Door.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 10:00

And I like crime podcasts, but a lot of the subjects that have been done have been done to death. Done to death. Um, but this particular one, Crime Next Door, it's about local things that have happened in the UK. And so far, they've had one in Liverpool, Birkenhead, they've had one in Wales, in Scotland, and then there's one down south somewhere, I can't remember where. Anyway, the latest one, Kev. You know when you're so passionate about something that somebody's produced?

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:30

The girl who has done this episode, this series, I need to write to her and just tell her she's done an outstanding job. It's called The Beast of Birkenhead.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

Oh, so I need to watch this, don't I? Because I haven't watched it now.

SPEAKER_05 10:43

Well, listen, it's a listen. So go on to the BB Sound BBC Sounds app, it's free. Um, and I think you can get it around the world as well, it's not just a UK thing. And um look up Beast of Birkenhead. Beast of Birkenhead, right? Now, obviously, I enjoyed a good local to us. Birkenhead is like literally 10 metres down the road, and townhouses in Birkenhead as well. This happened about 25 years ago. Um, a girl was murdered. I'm not going to tell you anything more, it was horrific. It's not necessarily the story that's good, because it's a murder. Can you say it's good? It's how it's been researched, Kev. How uh sensitive the girl has um portrayed this whole thing, how it's played out, but without skimping on the detail that's important to understand the case. So she doesn't she goes into a lot of detail, but not in a way that sensationalises it, it's still sensitive to the family and the people involved.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

Yeah. The girl is from Liverpool, showing complete respect.

SPEAKER_05 11:43

Absolutely. The girl's local, she's got two producers with her who are local, and she gets upset at one point and she's not afraid to show it.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 11:53

She does get you know emotional, and she really tries to place herself in the situation, and she goes to the exact spot where the girl's found, and you can't help but live it with her. She has she's telling it. Oh my god, she's brilliant. So go over and um listen to the Beast of Birkenhead and give me some of your feedback on what you think of how the girl did this, because I think she did a great job, you know. Ah, really good. And you know, that's one podcaster to another. I need to write to her and just say, You just did a great job. And then the one after that, well, I'm thinking about asking if she wants to come on just to talk about not necessarily just that, she's done other things as well. I just found a really interesting. If you watch this, get that. Yeah. Uh I just found it really interesting. A nice girl, uh, clued up and just did a really good investigative journalist job of it. Yeah. Fucking boss. The next one after that is called The Vampire of Anglesey.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 12:50

It sounds stupid, but it's not. It is a brutal murder, obviously. Vampire of Anglesey, you get an idea of it. Um, but again, it's a guy from Anglesey telling the story, and I love that they use and local journalists, yeah. And they've all put a lot of work into it. It's not just like a quick little whistle stop. There's a good six, seven episodes in each one. They go in depth and they talk to local people. Really good podcasts, and it's inspired me. It's inspired me to change my unhinged a little bit. Okay, um, not in a copying sense at all, I wouldn't dream of it, and it's a different thing anyway, different type of podcast. But just the way the approach and like some of the background music and that, I'm like, I droff my cap, I'm gonna learn from you, learn from you, really, really, really good. So, Crime Next Door, Beast of Birkenhead, and the Vampire of Anglesey.

SPEAKER_04 13:45

So you're enjoying the research side of doing things for this anyway, aren't you? Oh, there. So this is this is up your street.

SPEAKER_05 13:51

I sit for hours. We'll sometimes sit and watch Telly downstairs. Jimmy's watching telly, and I'm sort of paying a bit of attention. I'm flicking a lot and every line going, oh, ooh, like that, and Jim, oh what have you found there? Never you mind. Because he doesn't know anything that I do. We watch we watched the last one last night um on a Thursday, the day it came out, and Jim's uh reactions are authentic, he's he doesn't know anything that I do.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

We should do a goggle box.

SPEAKER_05 14:17

We have said for ages that we want to do a goggle box. We should do a goggle box. Yeah. Jim won't do a goggle box. I know he won't. I've suggested, I went, Oh man, you should do goggle box. Fuck off now.

SPEAKER_04 14:29

But need- Or get us all together to do it.

SPEAKER_05 14:31

Imagine all the the hosts, that would be quite funny.

SPEAKER_04 14:34

That would be good.

SPEAKER_05 14:35

I've got a couch big enough downstairs for all of us on it, and we should just do our own version with the cameras on us.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_05 14:40

Yeah. I've said loads. I actually said to Rai ages ago about doing it, but trying to get Rai in the same room as you uh for ten minutes is like impossible. So we never ever ever did it. But I mean, we haven't even got a beer in the same room, he can be online, but it's better in the room. Beer, snacks. Yeah. Bring Nacho.

SPEAKER_03 14:59

Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 15:00

Nacho's a hump me leg.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

No, he'll be peeing up all your furniture nowhere. Oh, okay. No, no, leave Nacho at home. No.

SPEAKER_05 15:06

Okay, we'll just do that. Goggle box. Yeah, let's do it. We can't call it goggle box though, because we'll have us for it. Goggle bollocks. Goggle bollocks.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Oh gobblebollocks.

SPEAKER_05 15:18

Gobblebollocks. I'm hoping that's gonna be later. I'm on BBC Sound soon.

SPEAKER_04 15:26

Oh wow. Oh hang on a minute. I think I remember you mentioning this to me. Yeah, okay. It's hopefully coming out in June. In June, right.

SPEAKER_05 15:33

Yeah. And uh it is to do with the industry and um the it's a a few parts in it, I think. And I can't really say much more at all. Oh, it's coming.

SPEAKER_04 15:46

Let us know when it's out.

SPEAKER_05 15:47

Of course I will! Yeah. I mean bigging it up all over the place. Um I really, really, really enjoyed doing it. Uh the girls who did it with me, the producers were just great. It I just love the fact that I've done a podcast with BBC Sounds.

SPEAKER_04 16:01

Well, you know, next next thing strictly.

SPEAKER_05 16:06

Have you seen me dancing? Okay, I'm sure I've said before, and while these people, like the singers that go on X Factor who think they're marvellous.

SPEAKER_04 16:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:16

And the shit. Because they're actual tone-deaf who tells me.

SPEAKER_04 16:20

I know, but but people that have done that have been very successful. Look at Rylan.

SPEAKER_05 16:25

I actually thought Ryan wasn't too bad.

SPEAKER_04 16:26

He was a terrible singer.

SPEAKER_05 16:28

Yeah, he was really. Cheek out about Chico.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

Cheek out, yeah. The cheeky girls.

SPEAKER_05 16:32

The cheeky girls, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:33

We are the cheeky. Cheeky girls. We are the cheeky girls.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

You are the cheeky boys. She didn't even marry an MP, didn't she? One of the cheeky girls.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

She married one, yeah. And then it didn't he get done in a scandal. Or am I? I think he did, didn't he? I think he did. I think he did. I could be wrong. I could be wrong, so I'm sorry if I'm- Have you all been done in a scandal?

SPEAKER_05 16:54

Just pick one. Um so yeah, I'm like one of them singers and X-Factor with dancing. I think I'm a brilliant dancer, and I'm shit. I'm so shit. And if I've had a few drinks, I know that I'm shit, but my inhibitions go out the window, and so everybody else is welcome to my shit dancing. I don't hold it back.

SPEAKER_04 17:13

And I don't.

SPEAKER_05 17:15

You don't what?

SPEAKER_04 17:16

Well, you've seen me when I'm having a good time, but yeah, the tambourine.

SPEAKER_05 17:22

It was just the way you were doing it, though. I can't even do it.

SPEAKER_04 17:24

It was like like a I'm wondering whether to give you permission to put it on the pod, but I don't know yet. Uh what do you think? Comment below.

SPEAKER_05 17:36

I think I think Kev needs to share his camp tambourine banging in Grand Canaria.

SPEAKER_04 17:43

Only one of them though. Just a little snippet all. Yeah, just a little snippet or a montage of little.

SPEAKER_05 17:49

A montage of nothing, Kev.

SPEAKER_04 17:51

Oh god, could you imagine? That'd be so embarrassing. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 17:55

I think we should do it. Opinions, please. Anyway, we're gonna move on. Quick on this day's. I'm trying to get because we've fucking been talking about it. Oh, we're just talking again, aren't we? Anyway, 21st of May 1950, not that long ago, in Lindsdale, Bedfordshire, UK. A tornado swept through the area. What a proper proper tornado?

SPEAKER_04 18:16

Not the fighter jet.

SPEAKER_05 18:18

No, a proper tornado. We actually had a tornadoes go off and down the merzen, you know.

SPEAKER_04 18:22

Yeah, they do a lot.

SPEAKER_05 18:24

Yeah. Occasionally you hear like this like supersonic booming noise.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:28

And if you're lucky enough to see it, you just see us go. But they go low.

SPEAKER_04 18:32

Yeah, they come right down over the river there.

SPEAKER_05 18:33

They're really low and you see the water go, yeah. It's like something off Top Gun.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

That's so impressive. I used to obviously grow up in the REF and used to see them taking off on the runway at the back of a house all the time. And it's it is, and the sound it goes through you. Yeah, and it's it's a lovely feeling. It is, yeah. But um, yeah, no, it's great. But the Concorde could never fly supersonic over land. Why? Because of the Sonic boom was too much. Too much. So so it only went supersonic over the Atlantic.

SPEAKER_05 19:03

I didn't know that. Looking to bring it back, aren't they, Concorde?

SPEAKER_04 19:06

They're bringing back a new version.

SPEAKER_05 19:08

A version of it, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:09

Um, that um it's gonna be probably twice as expensive to use to fly and cost a fucking fuel now, yeah?

SPEAKER_05 19:16

So start again. 1950 tornado of the wind variety. Uh it swept through the area. And unlike in America, where tornadoes rip houses apart, god love you. I watch these programmes, people like are fascinated by it, and I'm just like devastated for you. I don't understand how people are like, I know we have human fascination, and you have tornado chases and all that, but you're like, actually, a lot of the times there's fucking devastation, death at the end of this, you know.

SPEAKER_04 19:47

So in America Oz, don't they? In America, that's why.

SPEAKER_05 19:50

That's it, yeah. Well wouldn't you want to? Everyone wants to get out of America at the moment. America, towns get oblicerated. In the UK, chickens get emotionally traumatised. Do you know why? Because on this day when the tornado swept through Bedfordshire, this weird pressure change happened at the centre of the tornado, which does every single time. Weird things happen in the centre of tornadoes, and it caused all of the chickens in this particular area to lose their feathers completely.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Really? Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 20:22

Balls ready for the pants. We were oven-ready chickens, but the farmer who owned the chickens had to explain to whoever why the chickens were like oven-ready, you know, because they were no feathers whatsoever. Yeah. Oh, bless them. Yeah. So it wasn't just a big wind, this tornado pressure. There's something, and I can't remember exactly what it was now, but there's this like uh certain changes that all happened at once, which broke down the follicle that the feathers attached to, and then the pressure of the wind just completely stripped them. One minute they had feathers, the next minute there's a ball of chickens running around all over the place.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

That would be so funny a wave. But I feel sorry for the chickens.

SPEAKER_05 21:03

It must have hurt getting plucked all at once like that. A bit cold. Right, this took me on to just looking at a few. I mean, there's nothing else to say really about the chickens losing the feather, just thought it was funny. But it took me on to look at other weird things that happen during a tornado that I hadn't really thought of before, like pressure type things. There's been cases of straw embedded into telegraph poles.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 21:27

Bits of grass driven into walls. Right. Because I suppose it makes it sharp when it's at speed, doesn't it? Yeah. Fish falling from the sky. We've heard of this before. And then just drops it somewhere else. Um, and then there's been entire houses obliterated, and just a person in the middle of it, unharmed. Often under the stairs or something like that. But literally the house is gone. No house whatsoever. And just a person sitting there. They've been saved somehow. Yeah, yeah. Bloody hell. Absolutely mad.

SPEAKER_04 22:01

That's scary though, isn't it?

SPEAKER_05 22:02

It is very, very scary.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

This is in America.

SPEAKER_05 22:04

No, this that's in America, yeah. This tornado's in the UK. But the the other instances, there's like we're talking really violent tornadoes that are whipping up huge speeds. It's picking up straw, well, like missiles firing out into fences and shit.

unknown 22:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 22:17

Crazy. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, just a little another little thing. On average, we get 30 to 50 tornadoes a year in the UK. Do we really? Yeah, yeah. But most are tiny, barely noticed, you know. But occasionally you will get one that causes a little bit of arc.

SPEAKER_04 22:33

I mean, I've I've been down, I've been down New Brighton Beach and seen the sort of like the wind get up and a tiny little thing of sand do that.

SPEAKER_05 22:39

Yeah. But that's just a wind funnel type thing. The proper tornadoes that gather a little bit of speed and five.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Yeah, the big thing would come down.

SPEAKER_05 22:48

Yeah. But I mean, not like you get in in other countries, but we do get 30 to 50 tornadoes, actual tornadoes, not just like little shovels. Yeah. Um I I saw like a really interesting one in Cyprus years ago, and it was coming in across the like the beach and across like this roughland, across the road, and then just went off.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

It just went off. I mean, I bet they're beautiful to watch.

SPEAKER_05 23:13

Yeah. It wasn't wild.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

It's scary if you're on top of them.

SPEAKER_05 23:15

Yeah, it wasn't a big, massive, wide one. And we were just coming down the road, no other cars. I was like, oh, and we just slowed right down, just watched it go across the road.

unknown 23:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 23:23

Imagine seeing that like a mile wide. They're shit. You were this thing was a little, little tiny thing, really doing this nice little pretty thing across the road. Imagine that being half a mile wide. Coming ahead of you and in front of you. Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_04 23:35

And people chase them, don't they?

SPEAKER_05 23:36

They're mad. They're mad. We watch programmes like that all the time. And uh I just think that they're absolutely nuts because you can predict to a certain point. But so often these things they change direction like that, and all of a sudden it's coming towards you. Oh, the tornado isn't moving. No, it is, it's just coming towards you, you can't see it moving. That's what you say, isn't it? If you can't see a tornado moving like that, it's coming towards you. Yeah. Anyway, that's enough about chickens, treaders, and tornadoes. Here's the dancing plague. Talking about dancing before.

SPEAKER_04 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:08

You heard of the dancing plague?

SPEAKER_04 24:09

No. Haven't you? No. Dancing plague.

unknown 24:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:14

Okay. I've only done a short thing, not I could have thought I did hears the dancing plague. So, or the dancing sickness, some people call it. Some people call it the dancing sickness of 15, 18, or the dancing plague. So imagine you're walking through town, and there's a woman dancing. There's no music. There's no music. There's nobody else dancing. It's in the middle of the day. There's no reason for it to dance, but she's dancing. I such as like sidestepping. She's just dancing a lot. Vigorously. I have seen that. Like proper dancing, like Zumba. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. In Strasbourg. There's a woman called Frau Trofia. Who suddenly started dancing. She wasn't drunk. She wasn't celebrating anything. But she was dancing wildly, wildly, like crazy, endlessly and unable to stop. Unable to stop all the time like that.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 25:08

Unable to stop. She keeps going, not just for hours. Not just into the next day. What? But for days, day after day. No sleep. No sleep. And then the strangest thing happens. Other people start joining in with this dancing. And they too are just uncontrollably dancing and cannot stop. They can't stop whether they want to or not. Run forest, run for us. Ran forest! Run! And it has become one of the strangest documented events in European history. This is fully documented. It did happen. Wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:47

Like hundreds of people.

SPEAKER_05 25:49

I'm gonna tell you a little bit more about it now.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

That's incredible.

SPEAKER_05 25:53

Yes. So all these people joined in, and historical records suggest as many as between 200 and 400 people. Wow. Yeah. And they actually called it an outbreak because it didn't seem normal. The people were dancing, but it was mad dancing. It was like dancing, like a rave dancing type thing, you know. And people were like, you need to stop, and they just couldn't stop. And actually, um, the records describe witnesses, witness accounts. Uh they wrote into like the church accounts and stuff like that. The people were described as screaming while dancing, begging for help, collapsing from exhaustion, bleeding from the feet, convulsing and unable to stop at all. Wow. Pissing on the spot and everything.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

Good God.

SPEAKER_05 26:34

Yeah, yeah. So actually, it started out as um something quite fun. People were laughing, you know, joining in.

SPEAKER_04 26:41

But then it gets a bit tedious.

SPEAKER_05 26:43

But then actually, there was accounts of people dying from stroke, heart attack, and just exhaustion, heat exhaustion in some um cases. Wow. So basically, like a lethal flash mob, yeah. But what caused it? Oh, before I tell you that, the authorities at first pull the doozy. This sort of thing we do in Britain. Rather than try and maybe stop them, you know, carry them off because they're crying. No, what they do is set up a stage, they bring in some musicians and give them some music to dance to. I don't know whether maybe they thought a bit of a reverse psychology, maybe they give them a reason it might stop them from doing it. Yeah. Or maybe, well, this just looked ridiculous, just give them some music to dance to. But it didn't stop them, it just grew worse. This is where the two to four hundred people joined in. Yeah. Anyway, what caused this crazy thing? Was this one of these mass, not panic, what do you call it, where mass psychosis, where people just because somebody else is doing it, somebody else takes it on.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Right.

SPEAKER_05 27:40

So there's been other cases where people laugh uncontrollably because everybody else is laughing and start making themselves sick. And it's when there's this like familiar pattern where humans are picking up this this thing. There's like a pattern of um emotions or pattern of speech or dancing or something, and they just do it themselves and they can't help it. It's called Yeah, it's called something. I'll find it in a minute in here somewhere. I wrote it down. Anyway. So was it that or was it something else? Were they was it a compulsion? Were they ill? Were they just doing it for the fun of it? Were they bored? They just did it. Was it something like that? Yeah, anyway. What they reckon is it was something like a food poisoning. Have you heard of ergot? No. Okay, ergot is a fungus that um grows on bread.

SPEAKER_04 28:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 28:31

And if everybody would have been eating this same bread, then they might have all um suffered from the same poisoning and then the result of that. I don't agree. And when I've done my research, when I research actually ergos, it causes very violent um vomiting, diarrhea, and in some cases death.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

Right.

SPEAKER_05 28:52

It doesn't cause people to dance hysterically.

SPEAKER_04 28:55

No, you wouldn't have the energy if you were if you've got food poisoning, it knocks you out, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_05 28:59

Yeah. So for me, that doesn't ring true at all. Yes, some people um were reported as dying, but not from necessarily poisoning, it was just it's from exhaustion.

SPEAKER_04 29:09

Exhaustion, I would think. I mean, were they drinking as well?

SPEAKER_05 29:12

Uh they were given drinks, but they were just didn't stop dancing to drink, really. So a lot of it was dehydration and stuff like that. It's absolutely Was this all in one country? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:23

All in Strasbourg.

SPEAKER_04 29:24

So it was all in Strasbourg, okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:26

Yeah, all around the same time. So um apparently uh the music stopped eventually, and the dancers were taken to a local shrine and like religious sites. So they're all taken there, reportedly given special shoes marked with crosses, red crosses. Okay, it's like maybe some evil spirits or so, they just didn't know. They underwent religious rituals in the hope of ending a curse. If it was a curse, they went through all sorts of things. Basically, the people were terrified, yeah, they didn't know what they were dealing with, and some people were like saying it was it you know, god, demons, curses, witches, all this bad bread. They just didn't know, and they still don't know. And they still don't know, they still don't know what caused it. The um the most popular theory is that it was a mass psychosis, um, and you know, people were just taking on other people's behaviours, yeah. But they just do not know, but people did die. I was trying to find out how many, and I don't know. It just said a number of, it wasn't just one person, and then it's a bit exaggerated, a number of and heart attacks and stuff like that. Right, last on this day, I am dressed like this for a reason today.

SPEAKER_04 30:33

And you look stunning. Tits are out, absolutely stunning. Stand up, come on, stand up and show everyone.

SPEAKER_05 30:39

Well, I'm I think I'm too tall. Yeah? Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

They can see the bottom bit now.

SPEAKER_05 30:45

You can see my tits.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

There we go. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

SPEAKER_05 30:52

I've still got the docks on.

SPEAKER_04 30:53

And the necklace goes so well with it.

SPEAKER_05 30:55

So, why am I dressed like this today? Because it's World Goth Day!

SPEAKER_04 31:00

Yay! And I'm in black as well.

SPEAKER_05 31:02

You might must have out you've got your burby t-shirt on. I don't actually, we're both in black today. Yeah, yeah. Uh you've got the I don't think the fans didn't see this last time. You've been on camera with it.

SPEAKER_04 31:12

I wasn't on camera, was I? So this is the Burbie t-shirt that we all referred to.

SPEAKER_05 31:17

Can you see that? Yeah, we can.

SPEAKER_04 31:18

It's got the paw print.

SPEAKER_05 31:19

Lovely Barbie sort of like thing and Barbie font, but saying Burbie with a paw print. I love it. Great, isn't it? I fucking love that. Why are we talking about goths? Because I was one for a very, very, very long time. Said it on the last episode about our Dan being completely embarrassed that I was a goth.

SPEAKER_04 31:35

Did you have all the eyeshadow and everything?

SPEAKER_05 31:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:37

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 31:37

Yeah. So I've obviously got naturally black hair anyway, jet black hair, and it was really, really long and straight. Then I got hit puberty and it went a bit kinky, a bit curly. So it wasn't like so I ended up being like a flowy-haired goth instead. And I'd always wear like tie-dyed skirts with beads on them and all that. And I went through a phase of just wearing loads of like um velvet jackets and all the different colours. I'd go to charity shops and I'd just pick up all the velvet jackets, waistcoats, all that kind of thing with long skirts, short skirts, long Victoriana boots, you know, tights, all that. And yeah, I would have like the black eyeliner, really, really dark makeup, white face. Do you know? I didn't really go with the white, white, white face, because I'm pale anyway, and like I wouldn't go with the black lipstick, I'd go like blood red with like a dark liner.

SPEAKER_04 32:27

So basically, before you your hair went curly, you were Morticia.

SPEAKER_05 32:31

Yeah. Yeah. And actually, when I was 13, I went to a Halloween party as Morticia. Wonderful. And I had the fishtail skirt with like the little things going on.

SPEAKER_04 32:40

You know, there's a rumour, right? There's a big rumour, that in the next series of Wednesday, um, I think Joanna Lumley plays her mother, doesn't she?

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:52

Right? Uh plays Morticia's mother. Yeah. I think her sister's coming in. And there's a rumour that it's the goddess herself, Cher. Could you imagine? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 33:07

Okay, right. I'm divided on this, because love share, we both love her.

SPEAKER_04 33:10

No, I I fucking adore Cher.

SPEAKER_05 33:13

I mean you can't be gay and hate Cher.

SPEAKER_04 33:15

Nah.

SPEAKER_05 33:15

Yeah. Anyway, I'm divided on this really because I love Cher. Wednesday in general is doing great as it is. Do you think Cher's gonna take over a little bit? You know, steal the show a little bit? No, I think.

SPEAKER_04 33:28

I don't think so. I think when she did Mamma Mia 2, the show was had its fans of of of Abba and the Mamma Mia story. Um but I think she brought in just something a bit more sort of like outrageous and amazing, because she is outrageous and amazing. Yeah. Um I've never seen Mamma Mia 2, but I've seen her arrive in that helicopter probably about 30 times.

SPEAKER_05 33:56

When she does Fernando. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:58

Oh you know, so that's the thing. I I'm not interested in the Mamma Mia store, I'm just interested in the fact that shares in it. So if it steals if she steals the show from Wednesday, well, do you know what? Maybe, but she'll also get to meet the fabulous woman that is Joanna Lumley.

SPEAKER_05 34:12

Oh. She's one of the people, as well as Miriam Margolise, I just want to have a cup of tea with.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

She's I've I've met Joanna Lumley.

SPEAKER_05 34:20

Have you? Why don't I know this? How why? So I was at uh fuck World Goth Day. You haven't got time. It's all the goths out there, it's your day.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

We'll do this another time.

SPEAKER_05 34:31

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not an awful lot to say. It's just got especially you look beautiful. No, it's not an awful lot to say. I'm dressed like this because it's goth day. No, no other reason. Apart from, you know, congratulations that it's your day and all that, and love Susie in the Banshees, post-punk scene, late 70s and 80s. I would argue that's been going on longer, Victoriana. Is there anything else I want to say about goths? There's lots of traditional, cyber, romantic, vampire, and industrial goths. And basically, back in the day, we'd all spend about two hours at least looking like we're from the Cast of the Walking Dead, and that's it.

SPEAKER_04 35:07

But goths are great people.

SPEAKER_05 35:10

That's the other thing I want to say. Some of the best people I know are goths, and do what they look like Marilyn Manson. A bit weird, scary, wouldn't want to meet on a dark night. Bus is the person who would help get something down the top shelf for a little old lady who would carry the bags of the car, who would stop if somebody was hurt. I find that goths and emos, uh, the nicest people, caring compassionists.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

I'm exactly the same. I'm with you on that. Completely with you on that.

SPEAKER_05 35:38

Love love goths. Anyway, go on.

SPEAKER_04 35:40

So Joanna Lumley, yeah. So I was invited to present an award at a travel award ceremony. Oh gosh, we're going back, must be 30 years ago. I can say that now.

SPEAKER_05 35:54

I'm 50! So you were 20 when you meant Joanna Lumley?

SPEAKER_04 35:59

Uh-huh.

unknown 35:59

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04 36:00

Yeah. Oh my gosh, but I was an up-and-coming sort of like travel consultant, and I was the one that was nominated to go up to the Royal Abbot Hall. Yeah. It was the Royal Albert Hall. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Look at your little face.

SPEAKER_04 36:12

I know, it's so beautiful in there. But to see it from where they did the stage as well, rather than being in the audience. And I got both sides because I had to be in the audience and then go onto the stage. And uh yeah, I got got up there and we did a rehearsal first of all, and um, she was dressed in um really sort of like old jeans and uh but a lovely top, and she just looked just like Joanna Lovely. Um and then when we did the actual awards, I turned up and I had a big sparkly sort of like dick bow and of course you do, right? And I'm I'm with Joanna Lovely, right? And she's like um so this, that, and the other. And she just said how asked me how I was, she put me at ease before I went on stage, and she was just absolutely lovely. And then um we had a drink with her afterwards, and she was just a lovely, lovely human being. And what she did for the Gurkhas as well.

SPEAKER_05 37:05

I'm the work that she's been doing, and still and still is, isn't she? Yeah, she's a great human being. She's absolutely amazing, she is, and so funny. She's just got oodles of class, effortless class, just knows how to handle herself. There's no ers and graces, she's just Joanne Lumley. She doesn't have uh a mobile phone, I believe. How liberating is that? And she's just seen and done so much. I just want to sit down with her with a cup of tea, one of my posh bickies, and say, Go on, Joe, just tell me some stories. Oh, she's she's I'll tell you some of my Dominatrix stories if you tell me some of your travel stories and your Gerka stories and everything stories. The stuff that you've got to do. You could literally go on Aldi for two weeks, couldn't you? And just say, just tell me everything.

SPEAKER_04 37:51

Yeah, she she's honestly she's lovely.

SPEAKER_05 37:54

Anyway, right, so I'm not gonna say any more about Gots on this day and all that because quite frankly, I'll run out of time. You've brought a jangly bit.

SPEAKER_04 38:02

Oh, yes. So did we bring the bottle up?

SPEAKER_05 38:05

Yes, we did. Oh, we did. So Kev's brought something back from Gang Grand Canaria that he wants to show you all.

SPEAKER_04 38:12

So I was walking.

SPEAKER_05 38:13

I'm gonna keep it that way, don't give this company free advertising.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

I was walking in the Yumbo centre lighter, and obviously it was pride and everything like that. So uh there was people giving out some free condoms, and I was like, oh, this is very thin, it's very hard as well. Look, I can't even bend it, right? So hard already. I got a pack and I had a look, and these are really weird. They're called Persante Thinnest Non-Latex Condom, right? So tissue paper, in other words. This is a very thin non-latex condom. And I've never seen anything like this before.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 38:51

I mean, obviously, they come in a really hard sort of like wrapper, you peel it back, and they look like little chewing gums in there. Look, can you can you see that?

SPEAKER_05 38:59

This looks like little chewing gum.

SPEAKER_04 39:00

Little little things, and you just literally pull one out. Right, that's it. Can you see that?

SPEAKER_05 39:07

Is it in like a little baggy?

unknown 39:09

No.

SPEAKER_04 39:09

Yeah, so then you have to open it up like this.

SPEAKER_05 39:13

I wasn't doing this, and you're pissed.

SPEAKER_04 39:14

Right. Well, this is like, excuse me, love, I'm just gonna put a condom on. It takes fucking ever, right? Okay, so my little friend will have lost his charge.

SPEAKER_05 39:24

I know, yeah. You'd need fluffing while you're um you open the packet. And look at this, look it's like opening king fucking clean film. I know that reminds me of.

SPEAKER_04 39:33

Right?

SPEAKER_01 39:34

And then we'll imagine this is something. Can you hold your bottle for it?

SPEAKER_04 39:42

Okay. And you put that over like that, and then you pull it down.

SPEAKER_05 39:49

There's men all over the world now with a cap in their hand. Watching Kev put a contour on a coke bottle provocatively.

SPEAKER_04 39:58

So look, it so it does go down, but it's like it's like Kling film.

SPEAKER_05 40:01

Feel that it reminds me of you know when you go to the hotel rooms and you get freebies in the bathroom, shower cap.

SPEAKER_04 40:10

It's like the shower cap in one of the shower cap. I mean, you I don't know whether to just sort of like go and get me Greg sausage roll and stick it in it and wrap it up, you know what I mean? But it's it's got all this luby stuff on it.

SPEAKER_05 40:20

Oh, but not much, as you can see.

SPEAKER_04 40:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:24

Oh, that's just like cling film. Right? And it's like a little witch's hat, isn't it? Can I smell it? Yeah. Taste it.

SPEAKER_05 40:33

Taste the rainbow.

SPEAKER_04 40:45

I mean, it's not as unpleasant as latex.

SPEAKER_05 40:48

Okay, it's not as unpleasant as latex. I don't think it's got any spermic on it. That's the only good side. Because a condom with spermic in your mouth isn't good. I believe.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

Wouldn't know that, wouldn't you?

SPEAKER_05 41:03

Well, yeah, I do, because I practice safe sex. And all you people out there that think that you don't get um STIs from give and blow jobs, you can. You can get all gonorrhea, but you know, most of us just take the chance. Because putting a condom in your mouth doesn't look good.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

It's like a little witch's hat, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:22

It is like a witch's hat, yeah. I mean, what the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_04 41:25

Ah, is it gonna protect you, Kev? I mean, no, I mean that's just it's the sort of thing that you put on your garden gnome at Halloween, isn't it?

SPEAKER_05 41:32

It is, yeah. I'm just wondering if I can put it on. It's like weird, look. Okay, can I try and rip it? So, we've got to imagine there's a lot of friction going on, haven't we? Okay, maybe not that big.

SPEAKER_04 41:44

This is not a lesson in how to put on a condom, you do that at high school.

SPEAKER_05 41:50

Oh, my fingers come through.

SPEAKER_04 41:52

There we go.

SPEAKER_05 41:53

So there you go, tried and tested. Oh, my fingers full of spermicide!

SPEAKER_04 42:01

No, it's not spermicide, it's just lube.

SPEAKER_05 42:03

Well, lube, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 42:08

Ah.

SPEAKER_05 42:10

Didn't know what I was watching.

SPEAKER_04 42:11

I didn't know what I was trying to do there.

SPEAKER_05 42:12

No, me neither.

SPEAKER_04 42:15

Don't even blow up like they should do. Oh, you can't. Well, I mean, I've got my tough now.

SPEAKER_05 42:24

Bit of TMI, but these are obviously being handed out to gay men.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:32

Obviously, gay men have fucky fucky bumholes, and the bumhole has got a stronger muscle. So that's wrapped around a cock, which could be stretched quite a bit if it's a biggish cock. Yeah. You're doing that in a quite a tight space, that's gonna rip.

SPEAKER_04 42:48

Yeah, that's what I think. But they say they're really strong, so maybe they they do. Maybe it's just your nail that went through, because unless he's got a massive cock ring on. Or Prince Albert. Yeah. Not cock ring, but a cock ring.

SPEAKER_05 43:03

What do you think about Prince Albert? Seeing through the subject.

SPEAKER_04 43:05

Um I think they make an ugly dick look really ugly, but they make a really nice looking dick look fucking hot. Okay. I just but I'll back in the day, I would never be fucked with someone who had a Prince Albert on. They'd have to take it off to enter me. Well because that can do damage.

SPEAKER_05 43:32

Yeah. I mean, all vagina. It's not too bad, but you know, tank vagina would be bad enough for a bummel. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:38

It would do damage. So I I would always make them take that off.

SPEAKER_05 43:41

Not that I had many, but you know, and on a a blow job with a Prince Albert though.

SPEAKER_04 43:45

Oh no, that's good. You play with it with your tongue.

SPEAKER_05 43:47

Fillons.

SPEAKER_04 43:48

Just avoid your teeth.

SPEAKER_05 43:50

I've got a fucking mouthful.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

Yeah, you're not gonna be a few. I tried coke as a kid.

SPEAKER_05 43:56

And they weren't good.

SPEAKER_04 43:57

Um No, that's at the back of your throat, isn't it?

SPEAKER_05 44:00

I don't know what if it's like you 'cause there's a ring, aren't they, a lot of the time. It can be a ring or a bar. And if you go in your mouth and it can slide, it might just go on your fill and get it might do.

SPEAKER_04 44:12

I don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_05 44:15

Just go through me. And I don't want to be the payer, so I just go to Pull Glass. I think I've cut him off. That's the other thing there, if you get a shock.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:29

So if you've got a Prince Albus and somebody with fillings is about to give you the time of your life, um, I would probably take it out because I think the reaction to a little spark on the fill would be bite down.

SPEAKER_03 44:44

Any biting Maybe they like that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_04 44:46

I mean at the end of the day, they ran a fucking needle through the cock in mate.

SPEAKER_05 44:50

I know, but biting it like that.

SPEAKER_04 44:53

Anyway, biting's not good, Vic.

SPEAKER_05 44:55

No, no, no. You told me a story earlier that we're not going to repeat, but I totally get it. No, it's not good. It's not good. Right. Okay, I am gonna do a very another little segment. It was gonna be a long story, but we've gone on. But I do want to tell it. Um because the 21st of May, 2011, um thousands and thousands, millions maybe of people around the world thought that the apocalypse was coming. Do you remember this? 2011.

SPEAKER_04 45:26

2011, the apocalypse was coming. No.

SPEAKER_05 45:28

It was a prediction made by Harold Camping.

SPEAKER_04 45:31

Oh, hang on a minute. Yeah, there was something on the news about it.

SPEAKER_05 45:34

He was like an American Christian broadcaster.

SPEAKER_04 45:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:36

And he became convinced that he'd worked out mathematically that the exact date of the rapture would be 21st of May, 2011. And rather than just letting you keep it to himself or whatever, he thought it was a duty to tell the world, and he did. And he believed that true believers uh would suddenly ascend to heaven, and the rest of humanity, all the dross who are not Christian and believers would be left behind to suffer chaos and destruction. That's what a rapture is. If you didn't know what a rapture was, there you go. My dad taught me that when I was 13 to try and make me be a good Christian.

SPEAKER_04 46:15

How would that work out, Dad? Well, you're a good person.

SPEAKER_05 46:18

I'm a good person.

SPEAKER_04 46:19

You're a better person than a lot of bloody Christians, aren't you?

SPEAKER_05 46:21

You haven't got to be a religious person to be a good person at all. And actually, uh I don't know, I'm not like a religion. Come on, Elfie. You're gonna be being brought up with it. But you know, some of the most unchristian people I know are way up there in church, you know? And some of the best people I know don't have any sorts of religious beliefs or anything at all. So Rapture!

SPEAKER_04 46:42

Here we go. We'll get to it.

SPEAKER_05 46:43

Harold Camping, American Christian broadcaster, convinced mathematically that the day was going to end on the 21st of May, 2011. And uh all the true believers followed his path, and uh millions of people around the world jumped on board with this projection, and those billboards going up, those vans with light things on the side. You basically change your ways because if you don't, you have what you want, love you and I've the lovely aren't you V and E's fingers. They're beautiful foxes biscuits again. I like foxes' biscuits. Anyway, so um they were putting the word out, left, right, and centre, that the day uh that the world's gonna end, 21st of May, and they truly believed it. It was judgment day, and uh those caravans literally and and vans driving around, but they're throwing leaflets out, like you know, loudspeaking, sworn on people, yeah, the end is nigh and all this sort of thing. Anyway, this is where it becomes less funny and more sad because the genuine followers of this guy ruined their lives, some quit jobs, emptied the savings, sold houses, wow, cut off family members that they didn't really like anyway, all because the world was coming to an end, didn't need money, didn't need a job, fucked a family that I don't like anyway, all that kind of thing. Yeah. One man spent hundreds of thousands of dollars promoting the prophecy because he believed money would soon become meaningless anyway, so he just used his money actually marketing and putting the word out, hundreds of thousands on marketing for this thing.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

Sold his house and everything and just funded that.

SPEAKER_05 48:20

Yeah. Reports emerged uh of people becoming suicidal or psychologically unstable because they became utterly convinced that civilization was about to collapse and they were concerned about which way they're gonna go, up or down, basically. And unfortunately, one man allegedly attempted to kill his family members to save them from the common suffering. Really?

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Bloody hell. That's drastic.

SPEAKER_05 48:48

Yeah. So basically, um, just because one person thought you had the mathematical calculation to the end of the world, normal logic went out the window for an awful lot of people, and they made decisions based on this one man. It's just crazy, crazy, you know. And you know, some people took comfort from it as well. They were they were smug almost that they, you know, good Christian people or whoever were gonna, you know, go to this everlasting life in heaven, and all the rest of the plebs down there being concerted, all gonna burn.

SPEAKER_04 49:21

Were they seeing this as like the second coming then or something?

SPEAKER_05 49:24

The rapture is basically it's the ascension of Christians, isn't it, to to um what's it called? Eternity.

SPEAKER_02 49:31

Right, okay.

SPEAKER_05 49:32

And uh everybody else can rot in hell. That's what the rapture is.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

That's why you're see, I don't know this.

SPEAKER_05 49:37

Okay, well, my dad told me this. So that's why you've got to practice um you know being a good Christian all of your life, because um you know if the rapture ever occurred, then it's only the good people that would go on to live an eternal life.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

Right.

SPEAKER_05 49:51

You know, without suffering and pain and all that kind of thing. That's what it is, yeah. And yeah, 21st of May was supposed to be it, and all these people thought it was gonna happen. The funniest bit about this whole rapture saga was what happened on the actual day. People waited and waited and waited. Like a bath. And of course, nothing happened, no trumpets, no angels, no mass ascension to heaven, just an awkward silence.

SPEAKER_04 50:19

I bet. Are they in a big big place or were they around the world?

SPEAKER_05 50:24

I think, yeah, maybe some people were televised and some things, yeah. I don't know. But imagine being the bloke that sells his house and you know you've walked out of your job and told your family to fuck off and all that. The next day must have felt quite weird, horrific for some, really. Anyone hiring, you know.

SPEAKER_04 50:40

It serves them right for believing it in the first place.

SPEAKER_05 50:42

Yeah, looking for a job, all that kind of thing. I also read somewhere, right, there was businesses who made quite a bit of money. There's businesses who offered the people that thought they were going to go up forever to look after the pet pets on the on earth for them. And some people actually signed up for the pet looking after service while they were off enjoying the rapture. Fido would still be alright, he wouldn't be burning in hell with no food and no bed.

SPEAKER_04 51:09

But the person who's looking after him might have either ascended or blum in.

SPEAKER_05 51:13

But maybe there's some guarantee. Look, I haven't been I haven't been a good person, I've been a bit of a cunt, so I'm not gonna go to heaven. So I'll stay behind and look after your dog. So just sign here and give me all of your money that you're not gonna need, and I'll make sure that your dog's all right forever. Oh god. I think it's a great idea. That is like genius. We need more entrepreneurs like that.

SPEAKER_04 51:36

Yeah, that is that is a funny way of doing it, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_05 51:39

Seeing a money-making scheme out of something like that. Anyway, so the next day, obviously, nothing happens. And uh Harold Camping responded the way most fail failed prophets normally do. How do they normally respond, you know? There's been loads of prophecies over the years that haven't come true. What do they normally do, prophets?

SPEAKER_02 51:57

They write it down, don't they?

SPEAKER_05 51:59

They move the date.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

Right.

SPEAKER_05 52:01

So when the date didn't happen, he put it back. Yeah? He probably put it back so far that he'd be dead anyway by then and he wouldn't have to take the flack when it didn't happen the second time round.

SPEAKER_03 52:14

How long has he put it back this time then?

SPEAKER_05 52:16

Fucking god knows. I couldn't find it. He said he put it back, but there's all like different um explanations and all that. I I don't know whether he's being quite so specific the second time round, but basically he's trying to say the math was wrong. I need to go back to the drawing board. There's a new date coming by the sound of it. You know, someone just lost the fucking shit, man. Anyway, there's been other fell apocalypse uh attempts, attempts, predictions, attempts, predictions, going back a centuries, 1666 is one of them, 1844, 1910, 2000, obviously, and 2012.

SPEAKER_04 52:51

So 2000 was what the computer affair? Yeah, yeah. Well that didn't happen, did it?

SPEAKER_05 52:55

And then 2012 is a movie made about 2012. Do you remember? That was really good, actually. I quite enjoyed that one. Um, and in 1910, I remember reading about this. People uh genuinely panicked because Earth was passing through the tail of Haley's Comet.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

Right.

SPEAKER_05 53:09

Do you remember reading about that in school? I remember reading that. Um because people believed that those poisonous gases in Haley's Comet and wipe out humanity.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

Right.

SPEAKER_05 53:19

Did not know that. So there you go. Right, we're gonna move on. So Lady Lobosomy, they've been saving for you. Because I think you can help.

SPEAKER_04 53:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 53:29

Uh it came in oh, literally the day after our last recording. I was like, ah. So I actually contacted the person and said, Can you just hang on? Because I want to give this to Kev. So here we go.

SPEAKER_04 53:43

I'll do my best.

SPEAKER_05 53:45

Dear Lady Lobotomy, oh dear Kev. My 20-year-old son recently came out to us as gay. Okay. And honestly, I was just relieved he felt safe enough to tell us. I love him exactly the same, and I've told him that. The problem is, his dad hasn't reacted well at all. He's not shouted or said anything awful. We've just gone a bit quiet, a bit awkward, and keeps changing the subject whenever our son is mentioned. I think my husband's struggling with it more than he wants to admit, but instead of talking about it, he's just gone a bit distant. Our son's definitely picked up on it, and it's making things uncomfortable for everybody around the house. I don't want to start a massive row or make my husband feel attacked. I just don't want my son feeling judged in his own home.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

Does this come from my mother?

SPEAKER_05 54:34

Oh really? Is your mum like that? No.

SPEAKER_04 54:36

This is this is You're not 20 love. This is this is the exact scenario I have.

SPEAKER_01 54:44

Really?

SPEAKER_04 54:44

Yeah. Uh well, not not some well, I say exact scenario. My mum wasn't supportive in the way that you're saying you're being, but she wasn't unsupportive either. She just carried on the way that I knew my mum. She was just my mum, right? So I wouldn't say that she was overly hugging me, saying everything's gonna be alright, everything like that. She didn't. She just got on with the day as though nothing had happened.

SPEAKER_01 55:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 55:12

Okay. And I respect her for that. I don't miss any sort of like, you know, pandering to me because my dad's not talking to me. But what I would say is she needs to check in with her lad and just basically say, look, your dad's your dad. Right? He knows his dad, he's grown up with his dad. Your dad's your dad, right? I love you, and he loves you, because his dad does love him, he's his son. Right? And give it time. Yeah. Just give it time because I went through a period with my dad where we hardly spoke. Um, I think it was six months when we first started speaking properly.

SPEAKER_01 55:59

That's a long time.

SPEAKER_04 56:00

Yeah. And even then it was ju it was back to just sort of like niceties, it wasn't in-depth conversations, how we used our things going on, you know, nothing like that. It was just us being like I'm in the same house as them and I exist, so I'm polite and kind, they're kind to me, polite, and that's how it was. And then I moved out, moved up north, um, and my dad gradually started to to come round. I mean, my brother got married um a few years after I came out and asked me to be his best man, and it was a really special day for me to be his best man. But I said to him, I won't go unless my boyfriend can come.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:46

And so he had a word with my dad, and apparently my dad turned around and said, Of course he can come. Right? And that's where my thoughts were like, Oh, okay, because my brother was in exactly the same thoughts as me about my dad.

SPEAKER_01 56:57

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 56:58

So when I got married to T, he first of all was like so excited for us, and then at the end of the wedding and the party, the next morning at breakfast, he just came and patted us both on the shoulders and went, I just want to tell you boys, best wedding I've ever been to.

SPEAKER_05 57:15

I don't want to cry.

SPEAKER_04 57:17

Right? And that to me, that was it. I knew then at that point my dad was back on board and completely so I would say to her he'll get through it when he realizes his son is still his son and nothing's gonna change, and he's and he's happy being who he is because he can finally be who he is, and he sees that on his son, he will come round and be like, What was all the fuss about? Why was I such a dick? He will never admit it, probably, but you know, just tell your son to hang in there and to just be himself and be normal and be normal around his dad because it's the only way to normalise it for his dad, where his dad actually sees his son again.

SPEAKER_05 57:59

Yeah, yeah. It's uh I saw the big, big news, isn't it, for some parents?

SPEAKER_04 58:04

It is for some.

SPEAKER_05 58:05

Um I mean uh when you came out years ago, I said it's a different time as well, wasn't it? You know?

SPEAKER_04 58:12

And my dad had been 28 years in the REF as well.

SPEAKER_05 58:15

So it's a different time, obviously, yeah, a military man, but he still came round in the end. This has come through now, you know, this is 2026.

SPEAKER_02 58:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 58:27

And um I'd like to think that it's possibly just a shock, and I just don't think some men don't know how to react and behave to certain news. I don't even mean about sexuality, anything. There's some men that can't even watch people getting on on the telly because it just makes them feel a bit uncomfortable. And I think your son or your daughter approaching you as a parent to talk about your sexuality, like straight people, we wouldn't go to our parents, I'm not straight, why I'm fucking pointing myself. Straight people, we wouldn't go to our parents and say, I just need to tell you I'm straight. They don't have to sort of you know absorb that information and and do something with it. It's an assumption that's made. So when as a parent, somebody comes, your child comes to you and want to talk to you about their sexuality. I can imagine for some parents who maybe aren't quite so open and communicative, it might be quite difficult to know what to say and be a bit awkward because I I just wasn't expecting to have a conversation about sexuality. I didn't know my son was gay, so I didn't think we'd have a discussion because he wouldn't speak to me if he was straight. Okay, right, I need a minute. So it might just be that he just needs to absorb it a little bit and know what words to say because he just wasn't expecting that. I don't know. But I think your advice, I think I I don't know what I would have said to this to be for all of our kids are straight. I've never had any of them come to me with that.

SPEAKER_04 59:57

I know lots and lots of queer people, of course, who do, but I I don't think you would I don't think you would react in any way other than the way that you would react if um they didn't come to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:08

Uh I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:09

And that's what I mean. If if if if if you saw your lad come home one day and he brought a guy around and he's and um they're sort of like just sat there and they're kissing holding hands and doing whatever look first of all the fact that he feels so comfortable that he can do that around you because I think he would. Yeah, yeah. He's not gonna, is he? He's not that way. But if he did, and he would, and I think that you wouldn't bat an eyelid anyway, you'd just be like, okay, so because you're like you say, you're bisexual.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:34

And also, I've spent most of my adult life around the LGBTQ community. Yeah, you know, I'm so entrenched in our community, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:44

But there are people who haven't had that exposure.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so it's just be normal for me. Yeah. If any of the kids suddenly came out and I mean, I are Dan's girlfriend's bye. She told me straight away, and Dan told her, and I was by the way.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:55

So she feels open enough to talk about it. That's great.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:58

That's why I was a bit like I don't think I can answer this because I've not I don't have any experience and I wouldn't react that way. So I thought it'd be good for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:06

I think she just needs to hang on in there with him and and let him know as well. Let the dad know that you as the mother, you still love him as well, but you love your son, uh, and so what if he you know, well, yeah, if he likes to take it up the shitter, as Derek would say on Come on, Leonard, we're leaving. Um never been so insulted, but I think that's but you see, that's that's also part of it, isn't it? You know, that sort of comedy is funny to some people, but to others, that is actually how they would feel if anybody accused them. Everyone's different out there, everyone has a different belief and a different reaction to things. But if they're a good person, they'll come round.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:52

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:53

As long as things don't change around them. Don't don't let arguments happen, don't let, you know, just just try and diffuse those.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:00

She actually said she doesn't want to start any kind of you know, row or anything like that. She doesn't want them to feel attacked. So um I think what you've said is absolutely right in this case. She doesn't want her son to feel judged or awkward, um, but I'm sure at the back of his mind, he he probably knew his dad. I'm sure at the back of his mind he's probably been a little bit nervous about you know, maybe coming out.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:22

It took him a lot to come out because he knew that he's gonna break his dad's heart to some degree, right? But he hasn't actually broken his dad's heart, he's just bruised it. Yeah, and that's all that that's probably happened. And the way she can help bring that to healing is at the dinner table or something like that. Ask about your son's life, what's he been up to? Has he met anybody? Just normalise it, just just exactly that. Normalise it conversation because the dad will then see that you're okay with it, and he will then, if he loves you and wants to remain with you, he'll realise as well that he's got to adapt and he loves his son. So why wouldn't he adapt?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:59

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:59

And and accept it, you know. He doesn't have to go down the pub and shout out at the top of his head, my son's gay. No, he doesn't have to do that, just has to live his life because most people that are looking in will just see a family. Yeah, they they don't see a family with a gay son who's got a boyfriend, they just see a family, and that's how we're finding it now. My dad is not embarrassed to be out with me, he's not, he's just completely like he's my dad.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:24

So it will come.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:26

I'm really pleased for you that you know he came round eventually. I mean, six months was a fan felt like I'd wait a long time, but in the grander scheme of things, you know, he just needed that time, didn't he? I'm really, really, really glad that your dad came round in the end. And how nice would must it have been for you guys on your wedding day for your dad to just come and go, you know, give him a big thing. You don't need approval, of course. It's not approval, but it's just it's recognition. It's recognition, it's acceptance from your dad.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:55

And it's unconditional.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:57

That he's giving you unconditional love, and that's exactly what I was just about to say. That's that's the thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:03

I love that, and and and if the dad has unconditional love for his son, which I'm sure he has, because the day he held him when he was born, that bond was created, yeah. Right? He just needs to get over his pride, yeah. And and that's what you should um probably try and in install in him by asking these questions at the dinner table and things like this with your son with him in the room to normalise it, because he will then start to realise actually his son's happy, or and it might make his son then feel that he can speak about his life in front of his parents because that's one thing I didn't do. And so I had my brother asking me, you know, what's going on in your life? Well what do you mean? Well, you haven't told anyone. Yeah, mum and dad are worried. Why they're worried, I'm here, I'm happy, you know, blah blah blah. And and that took my brother to tell me that so that I could talk about a few things. Yeah, yeah, and so it it's a it's a little battle between pride amongst both of them and probably fear from the child, because the last thing he wants to do is upset, shame, break his dad's heart, disappoint because you wouldn't want to with your parent, would you?

SPEAKER_05 1:05:13

So Do you know what? Isn't it funny? R regardless of how old you are, you want your parents to be proud of you, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:21

You do. You want them to you want them to go knowing that they they created something that would make just just be great. You know, they created something great. Yeah. And that was their own creation, brought them up, raised them, and they did the best that they could.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:40

And that's an achievement when you go to your grave, isn't it? When you feel that, you know, we're not all here to be, you know, brain scientists and you know AI creators and Elon Musk and all of that. We're not all here to be that. No. We're here to be the best people we can be.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:52

Yeah. And sometimes the best people to those closest around us is the only thing we need to be, isn't it? You know.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:00

Uh we live in our little bubble. That's our life. We integrate with others, but this is our little thing. Exactly. We look out for each other.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:07

Yeah, exactly that. Exactly that. It's just uh touched on something that just went, my dad's birthday that I my dad haven't seen for a bit six years.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:16

So he's lost out, and you've lost out as well because you don't know what if your dad had come around, what a person he could have been.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:23

You've lost out on that. But you've got on with your life.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:25

I've just got on with my life, yeah, but just touched a little nerve there because obviously my dad uh he loved me, loves me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:35

He couldn't get over his pride.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:36

He just couldn't get over it. And when I didn't meet his expectations of what he thought a daughter should be, you know, straight married children after marriage, not owning a swingers club, and definitely not being bisexual. Um it didn't turn out that way, you know. He just he just couldn't accept it at all. And when I was a midwife, and I was the I'm the only person in our family to get a degree, and I got a first-class house degree as well, and my dad was so proud, he went, Oh my god, I'm so proud, you're the only person in the family who's got a degree, and when I was a midwife, I'm so proud of you, and uh that pride extended only as far as his own morals and ethics, because then you know, after the midwife have created this amazing man gym, this amazing club, yeah, and community we've made a safe, amazing community that I'm so proud of that was so needed, and he's disgusted in it, and every ounce of pride he had has gone. Yeah, and that isn't sexuality, that's just my dad's opinion on what I do for a living. Okay, you know, it's my shame.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:47

I told you um a while ago about um my close friend J who passed away of cancer and how her mother got to see her at the end because they'd had a feud and everything was put in place to stop the mother seeing her before she passed. Yeah, but I gave advice to her sister on how she could get a mother in, and she did it, and G woke up from a sort of like her in and out that she was doing at that point because it was literally the last breaths, and um she just looked at and went, Mum, and smiled and said, I love you, and that was her pretty much and her mum got the closure, yeah, and was so she got that validation from her daughter that she actually did love her and and she was her mum, right? When it comes to losing a parent through pride and things like that, I just think they're missing out, they are missing out, they are they are missing out, and you're going back to this lazy lobotomy, um this new this gay man.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:56

Yeah, there's so many, isn't there? So many um LGBT people out there who have missed out, and their parents have missed out of some amazing people out there. We know some great people on our scene, and I know that their parents don't speak to them. I'm like, do you know what? Your son or is one of the best people I know. Yeah, one of the best people I know, true to themselves, very kind, given, live life to the full, you know, and got a great family or whatever. And yeah, you as a parent, you're missing out on all this. It happens so often. It really does. Hopefully, I mean at least this guy is his mum, it's definitely on the same page, and hopefully his dad will be as well. Yeah, eventually, I think.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:43

I think he will. I think he will. Just just make it normal.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:46

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:47

You know, good luck, yeah. Good luck. And hang in there, just hang in there.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:51

Yes. Right, we're gonna end on a fashion tractoid.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:56

Do do no the muffin man.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:02

All the birds now are gonna be right there.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:07

Come on, boys. Okay, okay. Frosty the snowman. I I I'll be honest with you, other than what the frosty the snowman is. No, I don't.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:29

It's still one and no more. It's the one sort of talking busker. So basically, this is a group of guys. Gary all straight at the mother. Gary all straight a copy guys, and you all have to light the gas together and get the cat in front of each other, whatever. So basically you have a hat. Oh, and the last person to come, although the person who can't come, has to wear it like it's frosty the snowman melting.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:02

Sounds quite fun.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:08

Yeah. I'd have to I think I'd have to have a joke. I think I'd I think I'd probably I'd have to have like a shower cap on. No, no, no, I'm joking. Yeah, I would have to do that. Well I I did um I went to a party and um they were they were doing it with games from sort of like the the 80s game shows and things like that. And they had one which was the Cracker Jack corner and they had these big things of liquid. And I got under it and it I think they called it splotching. Yes. Right. So I I I I got splashed. Or splattered as I would have known it as in from Crackerjack. Gunged! Gunged gunged! That was it, gunged. And uh that was quite nice. I did quite enjoy it when it got you there and then just rolled down there. Um yeah, so I probably would be up for that. But there'd have to be quite a lot of it.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:08

There'd have to be quite a lot, yeah. There'd have to be a lot of wine cancer.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:13

It needs to be like a lot to make it travel. I think I'd just be happier than just doing it on the phone. Comment below if and I'll give you my number.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:41

Come on, fell on me.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:51

Come on, face.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:57

Oh look I'm rolling up your mat. I think the gay is too boo khaki. Yeah, I thought so. I'm trying to be invented by gays, as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:05

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:07

I was that impressed when men come wanking in front of other men and not like keep it hard. Because if I was a guy, I can't get a stage right.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:14

No, because you're lucky you focus on one and you think that's hard.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:22

This is my female brain. I want a tick. No. Okay, of course! So if you've got a circle of straight man trying to wank over, like we had in the club with the bucaki bride, I've told everything about it before the podcast. Um, she was lying there, straight man, all wanking over to get as much corner as possible. Some men couldn't do it and couldn't keep the it going. But if it's a room of a gay man with a gay man, you've all got your cock out.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:01

So maybe the guys that were doing it over this lady just didn't find her perfect and attractive and they weren't getting turned on by her, right? But if you're in a group of guys and it's all guys and they're all guys are into guys, there's gonna be at least one or two cops there that you think what you know not anymore, of course. Not anymore. No, but in back in the day.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:34

Okay, that's all that pop shop.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:40

You can do it this week. Oh, you're not gonna do it. No, not this week.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:44

Not we'll do it together.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:45

No.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:47

I'm laughing too much. Catherine's rock is a snow on Phillips. We're gonna go and drop it on the cat one. We'll see you in five. We'll see you next week. Oh no, so maybe we lost some five-star reviews. Feel free to send the email automatic at the public podcast.co.uk or even interrupt us on Facebook because we've got channels to you. I don't know where I'm going next, but I promise it won't be bored.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:41

Catch you soon.