EPISODE 138 'The Saucy Secret Society'

This week on The Padded Cell Podcast, Vicky is joined by Andy for another unpredictable journey, kicking things off with three unusual On This Day stories, including the mysterious monks who claimed to have seen something extraordinary on the Moon, a festival that helped launch some of the biggest names in music history, and a murder which feels very current!

Andy takes us into the surprisingly saucy secret society, where aristocrats and even Bishops were members and they used some very questionable methods.

We also tackle another Lady Lobotomy dilemma from one of our listeners before finishing with a Fetish Factoid which takes Vicky onto a trend that seems to be surfacing in the porn industry.

As always, there's lots of banter along the way and tangents galore!

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Recorded and Produced by Vicky at The Padded Cell Studios

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Who choose to live as a size of those? We've always the strange and the call, the sexy on the ranges. So if you're a deviant, then you have your place of those in the path of cell. Hey deviants, the first 15-minute audio has got a slight echo to it because yes again I forgot to hit record. Sorry, folks, I'm still learning, but I'm getting there. The rest of it is just fine though, so enjoy. And welcome to episode one three of the Panther Cell podcast. Now we all know. You've just blown me right out the bottom. And you've guessed them here with Andy! Hello! What's that look? With his defo t-shirt. You literally say defo all the time.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

I do say quite a bit, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

It's one of your favourite scouts words. Have you got a favourite scout word?

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Probably sounds, you know. Sounds sounds the one I think.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

I need to give you the sound t-shirt as well. I've got a boss t-shirt.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Yeah, boss, sounds daffo, like they're all just there you go. So I'm gonna give you the holy trinity as another scouting.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

So if I give you the three t-shirts, then you can just wear them in rotation, can't you? So how are we all over from Facebook? Hello, how are we all over there on the cameras? We're all good. Um we weren't recording when we said this before. Andy turns up soaked before he decided to cycle. It wasn't really a choice, he didn't have the car. Would you have cycled if you had the car? Because you're a little bit nuts like that, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Probably not like as it was really torrential. I mean, it was like it was bad earlier on. I mean, it's it's like drizzle now, but when you're on a bike, it does soak your own.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Which you quite like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Yeah, king.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

So uh he had to peel his clothes off in my kitchen, and the drying on the radiator elsewhere's beak because I'm that good of a host. Yeah, and drying his clothes we have.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Peeled them off not very too, have we?

SPEAKER_02 2:05

There's like a big sloppy beep on the floor, not to talk to them about that many. No pistol. No pests, no piss this time. He did the pistols off on them and over there. Right, let's get started then. This is gonna go out on the 18th of June. And on this day, something strange happened. Oh, it's dolls on my honest days, otherwise wouldn't be on my onness days. And it involves monks. Oh right. Monks in 1178. So don't expect any of you to remember this. No, but you might have heard, because you're a little clever, Clogs, you know shit. Your head is filled with shit that you don't need until a moment like this.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

On arm, on arm.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

And then you go, you're just plucking out.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Out of all the things you'd be you could be guls at in the world. I mean, it could be like a uh, you know, the World Cup's on, it could be like a footballer earning 250 grand a week or something, but it just no random shit.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

You know random shit, and you might win like 20 quid on a full quiz every now and then. Anyway, back to the monks and 117.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Oh yeah, yeah, go on.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Yeah. So imagine this. Go on. You're a monk in Canterbury a long time ago. No electricity, no phones, nothing to like keep you up to date what's going on around the world. You're isolated, say Canterbury, too, wherever you're there. So basically, entertainment options are pretty limited, prayers, candle lights, that kind of thing. So you're looking out the window quite a lot, and I think those monks out there did look at the stars, didn't they? Astrology and stuff like that back in the day. Didn't really know exactly what they were looking at, but they were interested. Anyway, on this night, 11th of June, 1178, there were five monks. Um, and there's one particular one called uh Jevais of Canterbury, and he he later wrote about this and he said there was me and four of the monks, so five, and they were watching this thin crescent moon in the sky. And he said, suddenly the upper horn of the moon split into let me explain. According to him, flames and sparks burst out from the crack, and the moon apparently like twisted and writhed in the sky, and he wrote like a wounded snake. He was very specific about how it looked when it like exploded and then and cracked, yeah, like a wounded snake. Yeah, so apparently this happened multiple times. It wasn't just like like one blast and then split, and then that's a show over. It happened a few times flashing, burning, like distortion, like smoke-like trails coming from the moon, all documented, all witnessed by these five monks. Okay, imagine though, being the monk, right? You've just gone off to make some tea for everybody, make a brew for all the rest of the monks. And you can't buy I don't know, imagine they had tea. They probably had ale. Okay, so that they went off to pour some ale for the monks, their home brew. Because they make home brew, don't they? What's that uh that that wine they have in the abbey down in Devon? It's like a fortified wine.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

That's an old but in Belgium. That in Belgium, there's loads of monasteries in Belgium that the trappers beers called, aren't they?

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Can't remember what gym, they'll be going mad, and they'll be shouting at me. Anyway, so let's imagine there's one monk went running off to get the beers in for everybody else. And when he comes back, there's five monks going, oh my god, they're losing their mind because he's seen something out the window. And you know, brother Phil has missed the whole thing because he's gone to get the beers in, you'd be fuming if you'd missed that life-changing event, wouldn't you? Like rewind the tape, can you do it again?

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

Imagine being the person that didn't see it, I'd go nuts. So You'd think it was a winds up, wouldn't you? You wouldn't think it was a wind up, but how would you do a wine up? Oh yeah, I suppose it's all jumping up and down, you mean and the moon's exploded, but then you'd see it, wouldn't you? You'd see it look different when you look out the window. What have you missed it on the island? Well no, could it be rough? It explodes! Okay, get on board, Auntie! Fucking ruining my story! Anyway, so naturally today we would go aliens or something like that, wouldn't we? Because apparently, every every unexplained explosion in space, or ex unexplained explosion is aliens, isn't it? You know, or gluten intolerance. Anyway, so scientists have debated what this actually was for years. Yeah, because it was documented, they believe it happened. One theory is that the monks might have witnessed a giant meteor um impact on the moon itself, and that possibly um could have created this uh lunar crater crater called the Giodano Bruno. So it's this big massive crater, they know it's on there, they've named it. Um, but but if this had happened, it would have been enormous, and there wasn't been like moon shrapnel flying down onto the earth, and there's no reports of that happening. Okay, just the monks seeing this thing, but there's no like other you know text or anything saying that on this night there's this rainstorm of rock, nothing. Yeah, so they're not too sure about that, really. Anyway, um, there's other theories as well. Um, some scientists think that the moon's witnessed a weird atmospheric distortion close to her the horizon. Basically, the moon wobbling through like turbulent air and appearing like warped and fiery. But I mean the moon was actually quite low in the sky, like a full moon, but it wasn't, it was a crescent moon.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

So for this to be on the horizon, shimmering to have that effect, it would have to be a low moon, and that's only a full moon, isn't it? You never see a half or a crescent moon on the mouth. But you know what? That's a good point, though. So I don't think that is the case at all. Anyway, there's another angle which I quite like. Um, and that they were um basically taking holysynogenics, and it was just one mass visual spectacular spectacle that actually didn't happen because obviously the moon didn't crack in half. They've seen something, they've seen an illusion of something, yeah, but we just don't know what it is. So the moon didn't crack in half, or maybe they did see this crater, maybe it's on the side of the moon where the shrapnel went off in another direction. Maybe that, I don't know. Maybe it was this shimmer from the horizon, and maybe then they did have a crescent moon on the horizon. Who knows? I don't know. But they do know there's something was witnessed, they just don't know what happened, and this story got passed down through the generations to the monks, so it's and and they've not changed the story. The monks have been quite careful to keep the story true back to what they actually saw. They haven't exaggerated it, they haven't tried to guess themselves, they've left it to the scientists and everybody else out there. They know what they saw, they've passed it down, they've documented it, and they're staying true to what it is, and whatever they thinks about it is up to us. So, what do you all think? What do you think? What do you all think out there happened that night in 1178 to the moon? Were they pissed? Were they hallucinating mass hysteria? Yeah, because there's been incidents, there's lots in history of mass hysteria. Or did something actually happen on the moon that night on the 18th of June 1178?

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Like the meteor angle. I don't that has been watched to be in the path since we've seen that.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

Imagine seeing a meteor explosion. Yeah, that would be amazing. Frightening if you don't know what you're seeing, because back then they were looking up into the sky, probably seeing shooting stars, meteors, but in the distance, imagine seeing something close up and not knowing what you're seeing. As a religious man, you'd think the world was ending.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Yeah, wouldn't you?

SPEAKER_02 9:34

I think it was an apartment. The rapture. The rapture. I fucking love that word. I I saw about the rapture in one of my last episodes, yeah. I loved that word. We used to have an event in the in the townhouse years ago called Rapture, but it was to do with uh older people, it's like over 50s. So it was all around the idea of like, you know, the chosen ones, you know, coming to your heaven's gate to townhouse. Yeah, you've lived a life now. Come and enjoy a townhouse at the rapture.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Yeah, come do you not have cult.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

That's what it looked the cult for elder folk to come and have fun fucky fucky on Facebook on a Thursday afternoon.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Well fucking fucking I can. Yeah, he just did again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

I've said loads of things on Facebook and haven't been barred yet. Next. 1967 this time, a little bit sooner. Yeah. Yeah. 18th of June, obviously. Have you heard of the Monterey Pop Festival?

SPEAKER_00 10:34

No.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

You haven't heard of the Monterey? No. You know Woodstock? No, Woodstock, yeah. Okay, so Woodstock, um, this came after Monterey, so Monterey was the big precursor. Oh right. So obviously there was still um big concerts and stuff going on, but the Monterey became quite famous. It was 1967, yeah. Um so free love, drugs, and all the rest of it, very much like Woodstock. And obviously, Woodstock was nuts for its own reasons that too many people got in by over a few hundred thousand, and it was just bedlam, more of a safety side of things, really, and everything was delayed, it was just nuts. This stood out in history because um of the things that the artists did on stage, China, like outdo each other, basically. So, this is at the peak of the 60s subculture, like I said, you know, free love, psychedelics, and flower power and all that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Oh god, mate, meet it. It must have been bosh, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

Me too. I mean, I probably wouldn't have lasted into the 70s, yeah, you know, with my the way I am, you know, excess and all that kind of thing. I probably would have had a ball from 1967 to 1969, and then probably would have been in an urn by 1970. Or sactioned, sectioned, yeah, oblivious, ignorant bliss. Must have been a great time, though.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Must have been a great time to have been like alive, like and being a bit younger than what we are.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

But this is a time where you know there's war, yeah, and people genuinely believed that, you know, well, young people at the time genuinely believed that you could solve war with just love and interpretive dance and and coming together with music and drugs and all that kind of thing, you know, solving um wars with you know the the peace that they brought to these concerts, this free love and everything. It was just it was just amazing. I would have been I would have been dead probably, but I would have loved it. I would have loved it. But uh Monster I was this artistic celebration instead it went nuts. Over 50,000 people turned up in California, and um to watch the likes of Jimi Hendrix, uh Otis Redden, The Who, Janice Joplin. I would have loved to have seen Janice Joplin, I would have been like her. Yeah, that's what I mean, dead young, yeah. And this wasn't like polished, like a modern festival, and even not quite like Woodstock, it was just like turn up and let's have a ball. Let's see how many drugs we can take and let's see how mad we can go on stage. Yeah. So this is a famous moment for Jimi Hendrix, and he would have heard about it.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Yeah, I know that I know it is not.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Yeah, but the reason he did this thing is because Hendrix had heard that the Who was smashing instruments on stage each night, it was on a few nights, and he basically decided, fine, I'm gonna outdo them. I'm gonna set my guitar on fire. Uh huh. Which is iconic now, and probably a lot of you have heard about it if you haven't seen it. So, what he does, he kneels over his guitar, pours lighter fuel uh over his guitar and sets fire to it on stage. However, he didn't just stop there. Once it was on fire, he picked it up and smashed it into smithereens and the crowd went wild. Of course it did, but it was 1967 and they were all high as fuck. But Monterey mattered for other reasons too. It wasn't just all the mad shit they were doing on stage, of course it wasn't. It was one of the first moments of like youth culture becoming like commercially unstoppable. Adults suddenly realize that young people weren't just listening to different music, they were building a different culture.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

If you didn't think about what the late 50s to early 60s and that movement into the late 60s, it was just a different culture altogether, wasn't it? You know, the the stuff, I mean, okay, Elvis was doing a little bit of like you know, hip swaying and all that, and the the women went wild, and the guys were fuming over it. He sort of brought it in, but late 60s when it went wild, wasn't it? You know, and the young folk then they were building this different culture, different clothes, different drugs to what was being experimented on before you LST was coming in, big style, different sexual attitudes. It wasn't just free love and like you know, loose legs, it was whoever, it was it was whoever. It free love, literally, you know, any gender, any sexuality. Let's experiment, man. Yeah, and different politics. Yeah, you know, young people had very different beliefs of their parents and they were willing to uh protest and show how they felt in different ways. Wasn't fighting, was it, you know? So they must have the older generation must have been looking on this younger generation like civilizer. Civilization had gone nuts, basically, the young people that were breaking the mould. And Montserday was just at the centre of all of this, and this spectacle on stage by the Who and Jimi Hendrix and all the other artists that did bad things on stage, it basically put a pin in time and um showed the world actually that you can still have the best time in the middle of turbulent times, yeah, and that young people were just showing the world actually that we can live a different way. It hasn't all got to be about fighting and all negativity. Let's just get together for a weekend and go wild. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Yeah, it sounded fan bloody tastes, didn't it?

SPEAKER_00 16:03

What a sound being alive, Bob.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Yeah, it would have been absolutely amazing. Right, before I move on to my next segment, I'm gonna switch you loss off. Oh well, no, well, you can't have the one forever because they won't have nothing to see on Thursday then. Or if you're a Patreon Monday, because our episodes go out in advance, three days advance, to our Patreons, because our Patreons just can't wait until Thursday. And also um the chomper at the bits, and also if you're on Patreon, you don't just get these episodes three days in advance, you get an unhinged, which is boss, and a little spin-off podcast once a week. You get day release with me and Jim once a month, and we get to go through some other little odd stuff in there as well. Also, some of episodes, probably this one, because we've been going for a little while. Probably, sorry, I'm gonna switch it on now. Probably this will be extended too. So this will be um extended on Patreon as well. So I'm gonna switch it all off and say ciao for now.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Never mind the Google See you later.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

Bye! Rice! Lovely, and that was good. So, do you know what? I've I've said a talk to you about Dr. Malexon. Dr. Malaxon? Yeah, it's like the skincare product that's all over TikTok on that at the moment. Well, I have fallen for this trend. It's all over TikTok, and there's people selling bundles of five and seven things and all the rest of it. And I was like, it's very expensive. Haley, our friend who's got more beauty products than you need. She's been trying to get me onto it as well. Anyway, a caved. And it's Korean. All these Korean women, there's all lovely skin. I know. They're trying to sell this product like you have skin like these women. Anyway, a caved. The stuff came and it's actually amazing. I'm glad that I got it. And the only reason I'm selling is I leaned over it and saw my arm. My tattoo looks loads brighter today. Because there's this skin peel stuff, you spray it on and go ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch it takes all your dead skin off. And it's brightened me tattoo loads. I'll give you a little go before you go. Yeah. It's really good. You use it. It's like that stuff you put like when you put them footbags on. Similar. Similar, yeah, but you haven't got a soap, you just go ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, and all your skin comes off. So any like dead skin, I mean skin feels lovely now. But it's we tattoo.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

I mean it just feels like smoothly.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Yeah. Oh, you touched me like dead ginger. You can touch harder if you want. Could you feel how soft it was by doing that? Yeah. You haven't gonna be afraid, my gonna have. It's all like fucking prodigal like a dog. Prodigy like a dog then? Well, fair hell. Anyway, I'm gonna go on to my next little thing. Come on. Have you heard of Alan Berg? He's a radio host back in the 80s in America.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

I d I don't know, you know, with it it's it's one of them where it's like I'm thinking like the get the the clocks. Yeah, the cogs are going. The cogs are going. And I think when you get into them, I'd be like, oh yeah, I have ears of this. Oh well, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

1984, so you're alive. Well, you're only young, but you know, because you've got shit stored, it could be in there.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

He was murdered outside of his home in Denver on the 18th of June 1984. Now, Berg, like I say, he was a radio host and he was aggressive, quite confrontational, and like sharp. He invited uh like extremists, racists, and conspiracy cranks onto the radio show. And he absolutely tore them apart. You're doing bias going, go ahead. He would tear them apart live on air. He was very, very well known for it, and not politely either. You know, like I say, we're talking extremists, racists, and all that. You'd bring them on to give them an opportunity and then rip them a new arsehole. Yeah, basically. Yeah. So it wasn't polite and it wasn't um I respect your opinion. It was like verbal warfare. He went for the jugular, he mocked people, he interrupted them, he humiliated them, and listeners loved it. We love all this, don't we? We love all this. But this is like rage-based media. Before we have it now, because like if you look on TikTok and Instagram now, it's all rage stuff, isn't it? It's everything to get your heckles up and to get you angry and react and start hitting the keyboard. Yeah, everything now is rage-based. I'm trying my best to stay away from it, to be honest with you, especially what's going on in Ireland at the moment and all this stuff going on. Try not to go into that too much. But with all that, it's all coming up on me Facebook and everything and TikTok. And then there's people sharing their opinions, it's getting it all angry, and before you know it, you're like no, deli deli, deli, deli, deli, deli, deli. It's just to get a rise, isn't it? It is, yeah. Yeah. And social media unfortunately has turned into that now. Um I'm hoping it's going to turn back around again. But this guy did all of this before social media was a thing. Before any of us really realised how much we enjoyed this kind of rage-based and maybe there was a few other people doing it at the time on other radio stations, but not as good as him. Yeah. Jeremy Vile. Oh, that man.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Oh, he's absolutely cargos Sally that one.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Have you seen the programme since I think it was on Netflix, post Jeremy Vile, and people talking about um how they're abused on the program and baited and pushed, and the like people were selected basically for how fiery could be or how triggering the story could be. And like no counselling afterwards and stuff like that. And like some of the staff, the crew were talking, and even some of them were like, I'd have counselling stuff for TV. And that's ruining people's lives for entertainment, isn't it? He did. Yeah, it's really, really sad. So I mean, I don't think anybody killed themselves over Allenberg.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

But there was just tonight's stance.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Yeah. But there was definitely some knickers and a twist, let's put it that way. Yeah. And he became a target for white supremacist groups. One particularly linked to a near Nazi organisation called The Order. And on the night of 18th of June, he stepped out of his car carrying his bag of shopping. And he was shot multiple times with a Mach 10 machine pistol. And just like that, he was dead. Dead outside of his house. And like I said, he existed before all this modern internet culture of like rage baits and everything. But he was the start of it all. And he got murdered for it. And yet people didn't learn. Maybe if people on the radio stopped it for a little bit, maybe out of respect or maybe out of fear. But we haven't learned because now we do it on this massive scale. It's in your eyeballs every day when you hiss social media. We haven't learned that that kind of behaviour can trigger the wrong people. And before you know it, you've got a target on your back, and this guy lost his life because of it.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

What about Charlie Carey?

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Well, yeah. Exactly that.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

That's another example of it, isn't it? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 23:39

Exactly that. But there's a line, isn't there? There's a fine line. We should be able to challenge things, but there's a way of doing it. There's a line between challenging like dangerous ideas and then turning extremism into like a public spectacle. You're giving people air time. Should you be giving these people air time? Even if you're even if you are ripping them in your soul, there's gonna be people listening to that who are gonna agree with them. Who are gonna agree?

SPEAKER_00 24:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

So I don't think it's ever right giving these people air time at all. Because also, you yes, you are putting yourself in danger, giving making yourself a target, but you're giving them a stage.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

And you shouldn't be giving these people a stage. And I think that's exactly what is happening now on social media. And actually, you know, I think some of the stuff on social media is helpful to maybe get a perspective on where we are right now with what's going on in the world, but it's also a platform for people to just uh instill fear in people, and with fear sometimes brings aggression because it's the only way we know how to protect ourselves, and that's what's sort of happening at the moment, isn't it? Yeah, and people are being made targets because they fall into a category. It's really, really scary stuff.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

Very scary times you're living in at the moment. Yeah, very scary.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

Yeah, don't get me wrong, I don't agree, obviously, with all this stuff that has been happening, you know, to people living in an island, but I just don't know what the answer is. I don't know what they're doing, whether that's the answer.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

To be honest. You know, going on like targeting like people's homes, you've got nothing to do with it, it's not on. Like, no. Do you know what I mean? It's all it it's it's absolutely vile what happens. It is, it is like going on like targeting like people like who you've got nothing to do with it.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Like I think what they're trying to do is send a message because governments and all that are acting. It is trying to send a message, it's like you're not acting, so bang, bang, bang. But I I don't I don't know whether this is the way because it's just getting done in civil war, civil unrest, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 25:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

So I don't know where we're gonna be going over here, but it's it's not heading in a very nice direction, is this? You know? I wanted to bring um Alan Berg in for this reason. It's very, very current now that people are online, you know, making us all angry and fearful. And that's exactly what Alan Berg did, and look what happened to him in the end. So a little uh story, little message for you all there, maybe. Right, so leading on from there, Andrew passing over to you.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

Now that's a bit formal Victoria.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Woohoohoo! I'm passing over to you because apparently you've got a little something for us today.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

I am so excited about this, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Andy's said about four times since he's arrived. I can't wait to do this.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

So I've I'm gonna be doing a little kind of segment of my own. I've been let off the leash, so to speak. So I kind of went down the road of like researching like strange fan clubs or like bizarre societies, and erm I found this one yesterday. And and and it's just cannot believe it exists, it's that mad. Honest to God, you you're gonna you just well embrace yourself.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Amster Apton.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Okay. You ready for this? So in the 18th century, if you will, the picture perfect fishing village of Anstrutha. I hope if you're from Anstrutha, they open from the street. Well, it's a fight, it's in Scotland.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

Anstruther? I've never heard of that.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

No. Became home to the most notorious Sex Society of the day, also known as the Beggar's Blessing. Membership was by invitation and required the undertaking of a very formal initiation ceremony in front of the other members.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

This sounds very familiar.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Yeah. So two naked helpers or young women would assist the invited candidate to a small closet where in private they would sexually harass him. Okay. In an excited state, he was then escorted into the full gathering where the sovereign would instruct him to lay his manhood on the test and plate an erotically engraved silvered plate after a very formal penis to penis touching ritual with the other knights, he was at Knights Mother Kite, he was required to scatter his seeds onto the decorated testing place.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Hang on, but are the other penises still on the plate? Because they're touching penises, I don't think.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

I don't know, girl, who ain't there, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 28:21

I'm just like, this is I'm imagining a plate with knight's penes round it, and then the new pen, and then go splung all over the knight's peans. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

So upon successful completion, he was rewarded with copious quantities of port. I mean, I'd have fucking loved that.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Yeah, a little wank for a port.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

From a from a lewdly engraved elaborate glass chalice. The final trial required him to read aloud passages from the club's vast collection of erotic literature. The club's special ceremonial crockery and silverware were designed to titillate. Fallock-shaped drinking vessels, engraved plates, and cash medallions all served to intensify the experience. One record of an initiation reads 24 met, three tested and enrolled, all frigged. At any one time, there were never more than 32 members from the local bishop, earls and lords, church minister and bourgeois bourgeois merchants to the local surgeon and town councillor council.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

These are all men. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

This were because obviously you're not to have a wine confront. This was a site a society within a society. Soirees were held in grand rooms and fine buildings with lavish feasts, exquisite wines, and port served in abundance. The evenings would be laced with sexually sexual ceremonies and erotic readings, obscene songs were sung, and live pornographic art atelias were hosted with nude local girls or the occasional willing wife as rumour had. So the president of the Beggars Benison Club was titled the Sovereign. His crown, an exotic fancy wig, said to have been woven from the pubic hair of one of King Charles II's mistresses. Like all such club icons, this wig had its obligatory history. King Charles II had donated it following visits to the County of Fife's parties and fairs in the 17th century. Over the years, the upkeep of the Whig had required the members to supply curls from their own mistresses. Having adjured for over a hundred years and initiated five hundred members and even sprouted branches in Edinburgh and allegedly as far as St. Petersburg and Russia. Fuck off! The club was formally wound up in 1836. What was it called, the club? The Baggers Bennison. The Beggars Bennison. Although some of the records were destroyed, copies have been made, and many of the original artefacts, including the erotic seals, the sashes of office, the phallock-shaped goblets, the explicitly illustrated medals, business documents and pornographic drawings, all found their ways to safekeeping at the prestigious University of St Andrews.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

Wow. Beggar's Bennison?

SPEAKER_00 31:19

I'm telling you, and if you Google it, you know what I'm saying there about like the artifacts and that. There is literally like wine glasses shaped like a cock and balls.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

So what was the purpose? What was the purpose of the beggar's benison? If all these men of a stash come with it, was it like a uh just an order of men? Yeah. But why was there a sexual element? Fuck no. Because I mean if you've got bishops in there, beating the bishop. That's what they say, isn't it? Beating the bishop. I wonder why there's such uh emphasis on on sex and the penis when it's all men and it's just like a an order of professionals. I don't know. Maybe they were gay.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

God knows.

SPEAKER_02 32:07

Might be just a gay order.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Isn't that like the most fucked up thing you've ever had? I find it quite fascinating, actually. Hey lads, you want to come and join this club? Oh, what's that all about? Oh yeah, you just gotta get your cock out and have a wine. Have a little wank and such like cock fight with other fellas you've never met before in your life. I'll swear it, you know.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Yeah. It's just the presenting your penis on this plaza, this ceremonial plaza.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Honestly, Google it though, you it's got like like the artifacts, pictures of the artifacts on it. It's it's mad.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Beggar's benison. There you go, beggar's benison.

SPEAKER_00 32:42

You've learned some of the disease of schools like well fucking hell.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

Yeah. How mad's that? Well, I mean, imagine though, like you've and you're like little worn-up whiff trying to get it on the plate and it won't fit on the plate because it's not long enough.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

Wow. I don't know. Yeah, imagine it being cold. It would have been cold, wouldn't it, back then? No central heating. Ooh, right. Well, there's actually an uh a group in the UK called um the Wanking Men's Club. The Wanking Men's Club, I call them the Wankin' Men's Club. Okay. I can't remember exactly what they're called. I'm so sorry. Um I know you as well. I'm so sorry I've got that wrong. Um, and they literally hire venues, and they've got this big membership of guys who just like to spend time with other guys and masturbate either on their own or around each other, and and that's it, and they have a lovely time. They must edge themselves all then, have one big mass splooge at the end of the day. That's where my head's going, anyway. Not saying I've thought about this in a regular, but you know.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Maybe it's like kind of like it was underground and now the beggar's banners, the wanking man's club.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

It could be, it could be. If you're watching this, let us know. I'm not gonna say your name, but you know. Thank you very much for that. That's alright. Never heard of that. All the reading I do, I've never heard of that.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

Honestly, I was reading this.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

All the sex reading I do.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

I was just like, this is just fucking nuts. This I've got to, I've got it, I've got it, I'm gonna have to do it.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Love us, yeah. And it's right up our street as well, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 34:15

That's what I thought I thought like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 34:16

It'd be like very pazid cell. Yeah. Very much so. Right, so I'm gonna go on um to my main segment.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

It's not gonna be dead, dead long, um, because I want to do some of the little bits and bobs. But this came from somebody called Claire. Um, she wrote in Oh not eh. That Claire. No, no, no, not that Claire. She says a nice Claire.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Oh, sound Claire, not nice. Nice Claire, nice clear. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

And uh Claire is in Sydney, in Australia.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

Oh nice, okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

Claire is a biker.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

And she told me about an organisation that's been going for donkeys years.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

It's not a fucking Alzheimer's, is it?

SPEAKER_02 34:58

Well, um, it's been going for years uh around the world, but especially in Sydney, so like the seventies and eighties. Okay, and they're called dykes on bikes.

unknown 35:07

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Dykes on bikes. Now I want to bring this up. Forget that now. Dykes on bikes. Um and the reason I'm bringing it up now is because it's Pride month. June is Pride month.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

And um Claire wrote into me to tell me all about dykes on bikes because um they do take part price in Pride. There's a lesbian Mardi Gras as well that they take part in. But I just want to just give them a little nod, just to tell us a little bit about the roots, what they're doing now, and and why they're important. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Sing it, sister.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Sing it sister. Now, apparently, um, around this Mardi Gras festival and pride, people now listen for the rumbles of the dikes on bikes, motorcycles rumbling up the streets. It's become synonymous now with these festivals. People are cheering, like, oh, here they are, they're coming because apparently it looks amazing. You've got all these women, you know, on giant bikes, pride flags, leather jackets, revving their engines, crowds are going nuts. It's difficult not to smile when you've got this rumble coming up the road, this like splash of colour, all these females going forward, some of them are on pillion, and they're really, really going for it. I've seen some of the photographs and it looks brilliant. It really, really does look good. Um obviously, the the way it looks now at Pride is often, I mean, obviously, this still happens in in Sydney, but our pride is often like corporate floats, yeah, isn't it? It's businesses throwing money into like sponsoring pride to advertise their own business. And I don't know how you all feel about that. I don't like it. I feel like it's lost the essence of pride because pride is a protest. Okay, it has become um literal pride in who we are as queer people, um, but originally it was a protest, and it's become more of an advertising opportunity for corporates, and uh, I don't I don't know you like that, but these girls are keeping it real, they are flying the flag for what it's meant to be, and they do a lot of fundraising and stuff as well. But like I said, it's been going um since like the 70s and 80s. Um and you know, during this time to be out, people were like genuinely putting themselves at risk, you know, risking the jobs, relationships, and the safety at times, you know, pride was a completely different thing back then, really. Being gay was a different thing back then, um, and that's why dikes on bikes became really important because they brought visibility but they also brought confidence. Yeah, because I don't know if you know this, but yeah, lesbian women were almost sort of the unseen. I didn't really talk about the lesors, really. You know, they sort of like come down the peck and order a little bit, really. And so these it's very male dominated, really. Well, it was very, very male dominated. I don't mean the scene, but society in general, and that fed into the LGBTQ community, so it wasn't unique to them, it was just the way it was then. Um, women were often expected to be in quiet, feminine, polite. Lesbians were often expected to stay hidden completely, really, just weren't really talked about, and the bike culture was very male-dominated. And so suddenly, when these openly lesbian women turned up in the leather jackets on these massive motorcycles, it basically broke people's brains. Like, what the fuck? Yeah, it really did. If you think about that aside, like I've just said, then it just goes against everything of what people were used to back then, and I love that because they understood something very important very early on, really. If people were already gonna judge you anyway, you may as well arrive dramatically. Yeah, they weren't expecting to see lesbians thundering along the roads, they were expecting you know, Meek Miles and all the rest of it. They're like, no, we're queer and we're here and we're on fucking big bikes, flying these flags. Uh in Sydney, they particularly embraced the dykes on bikes because Sydney's queer scene always had like a little bit of an edge to it anyway. They were quite forward in that sense. Um, the early Mardi Gras events they were they were quite rough really. The first one, 1978, ended up with arrests and and police violence and stuff like that. People were publicly named, they were outed in newspapers, which ruined lives.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

That's not cool, mum.

SPEAKER_02 39:47

So, you know, imagine attending the Pride March and then being out of your employer the next day, possibly losing your job, friends, connections, all that kind of thing. Yeah. So these weren't just fun parades originally, they were acts of defiance. Yeah, people were putting themselves on the line, they were risking everything, um, but they put their integrity first, and I love that. They were willing to put it all on the line, and it was absolutely an act of defiance, it was a protest, and so biker groups became part of that atmosphere of protection and solidarity, and plus very, very visual, like I said before. And you have to be honest, motorcycles already carry this outlaw image, anyways, only freedom, rebellion, road, culture, anti-authority energy, maybe. So, combining that with openly lesbian uh identifying people, it created something quite powerful, and it's stuck with us, it's still here now. I love it. Now, obviously, media representation at the time was pretty awful, yeah, half the time, and lesbians at the time um they were often portrayed as like tragic, misunderstood, yeah, confused, hidden, they were fetishised, treated like a joke sometimes. You know, you just need a good cock. The amount of times I've heard that over the years, not just to me, to other people, you know, you're only a lesbian because you haven't found the right guy. Yeah. Well, that makes you feel better, mate, then you go along with that, not bad. Anyway, all of a sudden, here comes this huge visible movement. Confident women basically saying, No, actually, we're here and we look amazing, and we're gonna take over the entire road. Marvellous, and people love them for it. So, one of the funniest things about dikes on bikes is actually they ended up in a legal battle over the name. Like I said to you before, dikes on bikes actually spread right across the world, especially in San Francisco. I don't know if you listen to one of my previous episodes that talked about the male um leather movement, the biker leather movement over there, and how they were pinnacle during the AIDS crisis. You know, they're distributing leaflets, trying to raise awareness, trying to get the words out there because it wasn't getting out there quick enough. They may play a massive part. Well, dikes on bikes were the same. Um, and actually, I don't know whether you know this, but actually during the AIDS crisis, it was lesbians who were sitting next to these guys dying in their beds because there was nurses and doctors that didn't know what to do, they were afraid. Yeah, and society in general were just like didn't know what to do with these guys, didn't understand the illness, were afraid of the men, some judged them, and actually it was lesbian women, not all nurses, some were just carers, and they sat with them, sat at their bedside, held their hand, mopped their brow, um, and they were afraid. And I love that, but also during the AIDS crisis, um, they organised charity rides, fundraiser nights, leather events, raffles, community collections, all to raise money for HIV and AIDS to for these support organisations and for hospice care for these guys because it was a new thing, uh, there wasn't really enough funding out there, it was very much self-funded, and so the community came together to get that money to give the men some fucking dignity at the end, but also to raise awareness and to educate people and to understand how dangerous this thing was. And they did these fundraisers in bars, queer venues, halls, just simply trying to help each other survive. Fucking brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Yeah, there's loads of stories from places like Sydney and San Francisco where the bikers' clubs did this, but it happened all around the world, and also love this during uh events, pride events and and the like, biker groups like dykes on bikes and other male leather gangs. Um, they were safely um guide people through hostile groups because a lot of these pride events back in the day, there's a lot of hostility things being thrown. The bikers were guiding these people through hostile crowds and the attention. Funerals for the LGBTQ plus community when families refused to turn up.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

That's boss that isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 44:07

Incredible.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

Really. So this biker culture already had this idea of road family, and they chose their family within it as well. Their chosen family was the LGBTQ community. They had the biker family and the LGBTQ plus community. And the these groups became like genuine emotional support systems for each other. And you know what? When you think about what's happened from the 70s to now and where we are now, actually, how things are turning a little bit, especially in America, these groups are still helding fast, they're still strong within their communities because actually they've fought through the worst, haven't they? So all you guys, girls, and everybody in between, over in these countries like America, who are fighting right now for your basic rights just to live authentically, you can do this because back in the 70s, Jordan Pride, and you're fighting, it was a protest, and during the 80s, when you were supporting each other through AIDS, fuck me, you were strong. You did it then, you can do it now. So just you know, stand together, you'll get through this in America and fuck that knob head right off.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

It's really, really important to share these stories now around Pride Month, but all the time, but you're in Pride, people just sitting up a little bit and just listening to these stories. There's a lot of historical stories like this with the LGBTQ community have stood together when everybody else just left them, they walked away, dropped them like a hot potato, and here we are again. You can all do it again. So we're all with ya, we're all with ya. And uh Dykes on Bikes, Claire, thank you so so so much. Thank you for telling me uh a little bit about Dykes on Bikes. I'd load to be going research myself, yeah. And I'm gonna flash some photos up as well when the video goes up because of some cracking photos of the girls on bikes and on pillion, waving the flags with the leather jackets, and some of them have got like you know the denim um like waistcoat type jackets with uh patches on them and all that. Fucking boss, absolutely boss, boss, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 46:16

I doffy catch, you know, stick off what you're believing, and it we're all different at the end of the day, and it should be celebrated, shouldn't it? You know what I mean? I've always said, you know, you you know, as long as you're not doing anyone else any any any harm, no be yourself in it, you know what's the what's what's the problem. But some people do like, and that's the that's the sad thing about it, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 46:35

Yeah, some people like to get up in each other's business, yeah. And uh yeah, and yeah, you can have your opinions, but you know, you just keep them within your own sort of you know household arena or whatever it is. But those who go online or you know go to these protests to purposely cause trouble, or or have been fucking charge, like you know, but yeah, we're not gonna go there, we're gonna keep it positive because it's pride month.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

I'm just not gonna go politics like I want to go with the bed at some point.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

So on that note, uh before I carry on, happy pride month.

SPEAKER_00 47:10

Yeah, happy pride month, ma'am. Gail, man, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 47:13

So everybody, everybody, we are with you.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:17

So I'm gonna move on to a little lazy lobotomy.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Oh, for love these.

SPEAKER_02 47:22

And this is one for you.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

For me? So like lobosomy.

SPEAKER_02 47:27

Lord lobosomy? Get you! What the hell? Still have me thunder, you're not.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

If you're gonna be a lazy lobosomy, I'm gonna be the you could be a lazy. You could be a lady. I'd be boss, I'd be a boss to that queen, meeting.

SPEAKER_02 47:42

You what? I've got to drag you up, you know.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Well do you remember someone someone put a comment in the said like um about me about about me getting dragged for? Yeah. I'd do that.

SPEAKER_02 47:52

You should do.

SPEAKER_00 47:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:53

I mean you, Barry and Kev, all three of you like the three degrees.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

Yeah. Anyway. Three degrees. Three degrees of all.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

Right then, so dear lazy lobotomy.

unknown 48:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

I'm a single male, 31, and I've been looking to go to a swingers club for the first time, but I'm really nervous. I'm not nervous about seeing anyone I know, or even my performance on the nice, if I get lucky. That's good. There's always a blue diamond for that, as you've said in another episode and on many times before. I'm nervous because I'm a single guy and I've seen online that we aren't always well thought of. I'm a nice guy and just want to experience the amazing lifestyle you often talk about, but the stereotypical single guy is putting me off, as I'm respectful and don't want to be tarred with a negative brush before I've even taken my coat took my coat off.

unknown 48:50

Help!

SPEAKER_00 48:50

Okay. Shall I? Go for it! First off, Viagre, blue pills, they help, but they're not a guarantee. If you're gonna get stage fright, you're gonna get stage fright, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to everyone, and if they say it's never happened to them, they're a fucking liar. Apart from me, of course. No, it doesn't happen to everyone getting stage fright, and there's nothing you can take that's that's gonna help you with that. No, but anyway, that's that's a separate thing, but I just want to sort of yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:24

And you've got a tongue in your head if that happens.

SPEAKER_00 49:26

Yeah, do you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, it's happened to everyone, you know, but I just want to sort of bust that myth because it is a bit of a myth. So, yeah. Um I I never went to club as a single male. Um I've attended on my own once or twice, but I never went to club as a single male. But what the one the one thing I'd say is that like it's the whole the whole thing about what we've been saying here about like, you know, like just be a nice person, don't be like, don't be a creep. Sound like you're a decent lad and all that. Just turn up, you know, talk to people and stuff. Don't have an expectation that something's gonna happen. Because that's that's the thing, and there's so many, there's so many myths around swingers' clubs, isn't it? I mean, like some of my mates are like fucking hell. You know, I'm like, I'm never letting you in this place. Jimmy said the same thing. Do you know what I mean? But it's like don't don't have an expectation that you're gonna come along and get laid. You know, treat it more like Treats it more as like going along there and being social, getting to know people. It's such a nice community as well as like you know, a place to go and drink and stuff like that, isn't it, Vic? And it's like just go along, get get, you know, get be a be a part of it, get talking to people and you know, you know, you'll make little connections and stuff like that, and you know, get the the codes or the directive, like are we going upstairs and stuff and enjoy it? But you know, just always remember like boundaries and that, you know. I I always like sort of get across the thing. I mean, I'm I'm like you know, being 50, I'm used to sorts of like I'm not saying being like a let's with girls, like, but you know, being like, oh night, love, you know, putting your arm rounds or touching someone's arm and stuff like that. You just you can't do things like that now. So just just just be like aware of like people's boundaries and stuff and just be a nice, a nice fella. And you know what? A lot of like a lot of single fellas who do come to club are sound, you know what I mean? Because if they weren't, they wouldn't be coming to club.

SPEAKER_02 51:22

Exactly. Now I think just reading this, the very fact that he's asking this question in the first place, you can tell he wants to do the right thing, he wants to approach this thing in the right way. Sounds like a nice lad, you know, someone who's literally so I would just say, like Andy's just said, be yourself. Yeah, you don't have to be anything other than yourself in the club if you're a nice guy. And uh the the one thing you said there is just talk to people and make conversation with no expectations. Yeah, if you have leading conversations, which it can come eventually, but you know, if you go straight in there, like you know, say what you're looking for is a night love, yeah, it'll get you nowhere. But you know, just you're standing at the bar, just joining in conversation, taking an interest in what's going on around. You haven't got to like try and think of things to say because there's so much happening around the club, there's always something to comment on, always, you know, to make conversation. And people in there, they like convo. I think long are the days, apart from just a few events where people just go, like, I don't even know his name. I've just seen him walk up the stairs, but he's fist, big cock, come with me. Yeah, there are a few people that do that, but most girls now they like to have a conversation just to get to know you a little bit, break the ice a little bit before you get your knob out. So just be yourself, make normal conversation. It hasn't even got to be sexual, that's the other thing. I had a message from a guy ages ago, and he's like, I'm not very good at sexy talk. I didn't really know what to say in the club. Well, I've heard you chat a sex talk.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

Smooth. Terrible, Addie. But that's a but that's that's another thing, isn't it? It's like you know, like when when you you know, I I'm I'm hoping you I mean I'm I'm I'm hoping you're gonna come to townhouse for obvious reasons, but um you know, don't think you're gonna walk in like and everyone's sort of like talking about Shagging, and that's all it's made. Like people are like talking about what they have for the tea last night and stuff like that, or like it's like just literally normal conversation, and that's that's what I love about it. It's like you know, you can you can might be talking to someone and it's like, oh you know, yeah, I was watching this the other night. Obviously, in that film I can't fucking stand him or there or whatever, this, that, and the other. And if you want to go upstairs or what?

SPEAKER_01 53:35

Yeah, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 53:36

It just goes, doesn't it? You know, but it's like it is just like going somewhere and you're having a drink, yeah, exactly that.

SPEAKER_02 53:42

And what you did about personal boundaries as well. What you I think what you've got to think of is if you're in a public arena, so a nice wine bar, I'm not gonna say a boozer, because we're not a boozer. No, so the outside world, I'm saying we're like it's it's still my club. It's just it's gonna change this language of Carnell, but it's 15 years, do you know?

SPEAKER_00 54:01

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 54:02

So you've got to think of a swingers club like Townhouse to be like uh a classy bistro wine bar, cocktail bar, nice music in the background, you know, it's not a boozer. No, so the behaviour in a boozer you're not gonna find in townhouse, which is they're lovely, slobbering down, you know.

SPEAKER_00 54:22

Well, first of all, you're not gonna get you're not gonna get a group of lads who are all like walking at the basin and stuff like that, are you?

SPEAKER_02 54:27

And you're not gonna get people walking in pissed either, already pissed. So you've got to try and think how would you behave in a bar like that in the outside world in a nice wine bar bistro? Would you go to somebody's arm over, you know, little cheeky tit grope as you go over like that guy, you know, coming upstairs, all this. No, you wouldn't. So why would you in townhouse? No, just because there's a chance that you know you might get lucky. The only difference is that if you meet somebody in a in a classy wine bar, you'd have to go home or go to a hotel.

SPEAKER_01 55:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:00

In townhouse, you can go upstairs. But how you behave and you come on to people, the conversations you'd have are exactly the same as outside, aren't they? Yeah, so you've got to try and compare the club to something similar outside and how you'd behave there, really. You don't behave any differently at all, just normal. And if you're a nice guy, it'll come across and you'll be fine.

SPEAKER_01 55:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:23

Because we soon figure out the knob heads, and and those who are like maybe badly behaved don't last long. And ladies, it's almost like they've got a radar. They know the spaggy sensors go if you're an arsehole. So if you're a good guy, feel get on to it, you'll be fine. You'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00 55:38

You will you be silent, honestly? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:39

Thank you, Lord Lobossomy.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

I'm sorry, my lady.

SPEAKER_02 55:44

My lady. Right then. So we're gonna do a little fetish factoid before we go. So, do you know? The muffin man! The muffin man! The scout swan this turn. Do you know what a comaclissic is? No. Just because it's got the word clit in it.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

It was like, you know, was it was a comaclissic? No, I don't know, you know.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

I mean, I wish it did have something to do with clits, but no. So it is a sexual preference to hairless genitals or bodies, so completely bald. A ballsy minge or you know, shaved everywhere. Could be like uh a waxed chest or something like that. But in this particular instance, it's ballsy genitals. Okay. Now, I thought this was a thing that's come from like the late 90s, 80s, like porn started going a bit bald, didn't it? It went from hairy minges and mounds to clipped and then completely gone. Oh but maybe like Brazilians, little like landed strips, and then went completely bald, didn't it? But now this has been gone on for centuries. Oh it's okay. So actually the hair thing is is is a modern thing. I don't mean like you know, m our time, but you know, in modern times, ancient Egyptians were absolutely obsessed with smoothness, obsessed, yeah, and wealthy Romans would pluck their body hair out using tweezers and pomice stones. Oh, imagine like pommying your hair out now.

SPEAKER_00 57:24

Imagine pulling there's all too easily.

SPEAKER_02 57:27

I know. And I mean what's being funny like, but you know, some of these Mediterranean countries and like Egyptians, very hairy.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:37

I mean, unless they weren't as hairy then. But you know, you you're something like when I went to Cyprus, there was lots of guys who were very, very, very hairy. Yeah. I couldn't imagine plucking all them hairs out. Fucking hell. I wouldn't have had waxen, would they? Anyway, oh actually think about that. They did have they did have waxing, not in ancient Egypt and definitely not in Roman times, but I did find there was some historical records suggesting early waxing techniques using resin and sugar mixture. Didn't go back as far as them, but there are some historical records where they experimented with waxing, but with resin and sugar, it would have taken a bit of skin off, maybe. Yeah. The actual term a comaclysic comes from Greek roots, and it actually means without hair. Okay. So it sounds a bit niche, um, and the preference itself is actually really, really, really common, especially like you know, the Western world and all that. Um, and hairlessness has become like really heavily tied to like youth cleanliness, you know, modern times now and pornography. However, the reason I want to bring this in. Do you watch porn?

SPEAKER_01 58:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:47

Okay. So I'm gonna leave it there. It's not an awful lot I want to say. There's not an awful lot I else want to say. The reason I've brought it up is because we do watch porn, obviously, I bring it up all the time. And I've noticed that there's been a trend for the re um the the second coming of hair. People are choosing to have hairy cubes again. Okay. You're looking at me like I've got two heads. Have you not noticed this? Not really not. Okay, it must be the porn that we're watching. It's not minging porn either, it's nice porn. So normally it's like smooth. Everybody's smooth. Some guys, quite hairy, amateur, very hairy. But I've noticed that the girls have been putting like little shapes again on their Ah, do you know what actually? So I've seen strips, I've seen like an oval, like an egg shape. I've seen like a pointed leaf shape and diamonds, I've seen a horse that looked a little bit, but they've started having hair again on the top and on their labia. And I'm like, when did this start happening? I mean, to be fair, if you're gonna be waxing or shaving or plucking all the time, there's a chance of flickulitis. And people say it's it's more hygienic to not have hair. That's actually not the case if you wash on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:12

So I don't know whether many people are like, do you know what? All the shaving and waxing, I'm getting flickulitis all the time. It looks a little bit on the pornos, you can see all the pores. Maybe they're thinking, do you know what? Go oh natural. I don't know. But I've seen this trend towards going back to the natural look.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:28

Oh my like the joy of sacks all over again.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:31

It does have the joy of sex all over. God's remember that. Fucking hell. It had like the the backhand thing, the guy, the joy of sex. It's like he was like reading the news, like a BBC newscaster. It's terrible, absolutely terrible. So have you all noticed this change, this trend? I mean, I don't need to know whether you've got hair or not, but if you watch porn, you may have noticed it's changing. It's changing.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:58

When you were saying about like the shaving shapes, and I was like, I have actually noticed that.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:02

Yes, and it's young girls as well. Young girl, I don't mean like you know underage, but younger porn stars, they're starting to like leave the hair there. And I've noticed some aren't shaping it at all. They're like just trimming it down. Yeah, so it's just like it's nicely groomed rather than shaving and all that.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:22

It's not my preference, I've got to be honest. I've I've had all different types of oh, I like all the smooth arm there, mate. I've had all different types, you know, yeah. Uh I've had ladies with full-on bushes where I've had a good old floss during the process. I have. I've had completely smooth, I've had little strips, um, I've had all sorts of different things. Uh, but my preference is smooth.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:49

Yeah, normal's a mouthful of pubes.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:51

It's own do you know what? I'm not that bothered, but I like to I like to dine out for a while. Let's put it that way. And when it's nice and smooth, it's just like it just feels like. Well it's a home cook meal, isn't it? It is! Dine house on a home cook meal, yeah. So I don't know, it just feels just a little bit more sensual. Yeah. And you can go for a bit longer because you're not getting prickles everywhere. Yeah, you haven't got a rash afterwards, like I say, you're not getting pubes in your teeth and stuff like that midway through. It's not a good look. I've done it. I've done it. So my preference is bald, but you know, if somebody came along and they had hair, it would be absolutely fine. It's it's totally cool. But yeah, this movement in porn towards oh natural. What do you think? Tell me what you all think about that. Controversial. Yeah. That's what it is. See, if I let mine grow back now, there'd be salt and pepper. I'd have white sprugs.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:46

I know I've got like white chastis and that's why.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:49

Oh, your pubes would be white as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:53

But um little white little white snowballs. Wrinkly snowballs.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:01

Wrinkly snowballs. Yeah, I have I've got like and I I noticed them on my arm as well. I've got like getting like white hairs on my arm as well, and I'm like I've got them in my eyebrows, I pluck them. Yeah, I've like, yeah, I I sh I I shave my eyebrows, got a special shaver thing for it because just keep getting like these every now and again.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:22

There's hair that's just like but also they don't grow like the rest, they just stick out like a sundial.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:26

Like a pube.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:27

Like that. But I'm getting quite a few of them now. Like I keep plucking my few eyebrows.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:32

You know what, you know what I have. Don't this this will happen to you when you start it in this kind of age, but uh I've got a hair.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:39

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:40

I've got one that grows on my nose. Yeah. And as you know, as soon as it starts breaking the skin, I'm just like that all the time. Until it's just about long enough to get the tweezers on and pull it out.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:51

But in the meantime, you're just doing that. It's just a cheeky little fiddle with your nose hair.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:56

Yeah, because it's just it's just one of those things, and it's like you don't ever see our fellas like who've got like hairs growing out the nose, and I'm just like, I'm just still trying to, I'm still trying to look as young as I can.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:07

I've sort of given up. I'm just I'm not, I don't want to try and look young. I just want to try and look the best I can now for my age.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:14

I'm gonna stop dyeing my beards. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:17

You dyed your beard if you're wedding, everything didn't you?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:19

Yeah, I did, yeah, I used to dye my beard, but I've stopped doing it now because it just I think sometimes it's like it's hard to gauge just quite the right amount of time to leave it in. Because if you leave it in too long, it's like you've well dyed your beard.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:36

Yeah. You don't get staining.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:39

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:40

Yeah. You do you do, but like once you've had like a couple of showers, you know, when you've had like a couple of showers, it's gone, but it's just it's just I say you leave it in just that little bit too long. It's it's obviously obvious you've dyed it.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:54

I mean, ideally, what you'd what would be good is to dye it enough so you've got the colour with maybe odd little bits of white uh looking.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:00

Well that's what that's what you're looking for, but if you but I have left it in too long, where it's just being like look at your fucking leg, oh man.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:08

Oh right, before we go, you might have seen this. Have you seen the 3D printing guy on Instagram? And he keeps 3D printing beards and hairdoes for his office colleagues. Oh no, what are you doing? Right, you've got to look it up. I can't remember what he was called. 3D something. Just look up maybe 3D beards. And it's a guy working in an office, you'll notice it like guys, like computers everywhere. He goes off and prints things. So there's one, and he's printed a hairdo, but it just looks like a Lego hairdo. So it's got like layers like that. So it's not doesn't look like hair, it looks like fake hair. It's layered and it's big, like in it, like that. This other guy's got a beard, it's the best beard. It's just perfect, or it's layered, and you can like see little hairs in it and everything. It's not supposed to look real, it's supposed to look like a Lego beard or Lego hairdo. And they put it on and wear it all day in the office. Oh my god, I'm howling.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:02

I'll have to look that off here.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:04

Oh, because it's opposite them in the office, they'll just be looking off, go all the time. But inspired are things people are doing now with 3D printers. Oh, little shout out. Mel and Paul, thank you very much for me. Me uh torture device. Now, I do have two cages that um the they're the same colour, but I actually wanted them to be different colours just just because that's me. And I know that Mel and Mel will be like, I go, why haven't you put the two cages with the same colour on? Because I know it'll make an eye twitch. Right, so we're gonna go! Yeah, thank you very much for that, by the way. So I'm gonna do the thing on I because you still don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:40

I'm like that and like I said before, then I just asked him like that going, like, you're gonna do it, and I'm gonna sit here and my brain's just gonna go with some mush again, so you're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:48

Okay, it's fine, it's fine. Sissy's on it twice, maybe three times.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:53

I'm fucking get on it.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:55

I mean, the thing is, he's really not asked.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:58

I can say all this, it's like oh yeah, whatever. I've done my segment, that's I've done what I've well done for that as well. It was great, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:05

Yeah, yeah, really.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:07

Oh, we'll wait with baited breath. Yeah, for you next time.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:10

If you binge watching, but the catalog will see you in five. If not, we'll see you next week. Thank you. Bye! And there we have it! Another day by listening to the creators of chaos. Thanks for dropping by, and if you enjoyed the show, we'd really appreciate you sharing your hotest podcast with your friends. Don't forget to give us the following other socials, maybe leave us some five-star reviews, and feel free to send me my cellpodcast.uk, or even enter up the face tweet because we'll have to stop my next week because that's how we says. I don't know where I'm going next, but I'm coming for catch it.