49. Reclaim Your Peace: Minimize Distractions and Reconnect with God, Yourself and Others with Dr. Stacy Jagger

 In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Stacy Jagger, author of The 30-Day Blackout. We discuss and emphasize the importance of prioritizing real-life connections and minimizing screen time to create healthier, happier families.

Many of you have mentioned how difficult prioritization can be, and I believe Dr. Jagger's insights on regulating the nervous system and minimizing distractions can help you refocus and reconnect—with God, yourself, and others (starting with your family).

In this episode, we discuss:

The Importance of Digital Detox

• Screen time addiction: Excessive screen use can lead to addiction and negatively impact family relationships and mental health.
• Nervous system regulation: Digital detoxes can help regulate the nervous system and reduce anxiety.
• Family connection: Unplugging from screens can foster deeper connections within families.

Practical Steps for a Digital Detox

• Start small: Begin with a 30-day blackout or digital detox.
• Replace entertainment with connection: Engage in family activities and meaningful interactions.
• Parental guidance: Parents should lead by example and implement parental controls.

The Benefits of a Digital Detox

• Improved relationships: Stronger family bonds and reduced conflict.
• Enhanced mental health: Decreased anxiety and improved mood.
• Increased productivity: More focus and efficiency.
• Regained time: More time for meaningful activities and hobbies.

Additional Resources

Connect with Dr. Stacy Jagger:

• Stacy's Therapeutic Approach to Executive Coaching Website: https://www.stacyjagger.com/
• "Dr Sassy's" Full Range of Services: https://www.drsassy.com/

Learn More About Digital Detox with Stacy:

• The Mountain Method Course & Free Resources: https://www.themountainmethod.com/ (Please note: When you sign up for the free resources, you'll be notified when the Mountain Method Course is available.)

Deepen Your Connection with God:

• Schedule a Spiritual Growth Coaching Session with me HERE to help you prioritize God in your life.

Thanks for listening! Your support means the world.  Join our Curious for Christ Facebook Group and become an Insider for weekly inspiration and encouragement on your faith journey.

Want to go deeper? Let's connect—set up a FREE Discovery Call today. See you next time!

Transcript

I have found time and time again that families that choose to do some sort of  a 30 day blackout or a digital detox,  that the treatment time, rather than me seeing their children for years, is more like three to six months.

And when you look at the lifespan of a child,  you know, it's 12 years you get to be a kid. And if I can make a big difference in a child and family's life in a reasonable amount of time, I find that to be pretty rewarding.

Welcome back to the show. Curious for Christ. So today I'm. I'm. very excited about my special guests for the story. I was recently gifted, a book called the 30 day blackout. How to help your kids turn off the screen and turn to their family by a friend from my church. And my family and I decided to try it out. And let me tell you, it was such a fun and interesting. Really incredible experience that helped us reconnect. In a more relaxed and undistracted way. And many of you have mentioned struggling with prioritization. 

So I thought it would be helpful to invite the author, Dr. Stacy Jagger, to discuss her method in how we can regain our time and attention for what truly matters.  And while Dr. Jagger's approach, isn't explicitly faith based. The amazing results that she's seen in her practice really highlight the importance. of reprioritizing and focusing on what truly matters. And as Matthew six verse 33 reminds us seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things  will be given to you as well. So let's dive in and explore how this might be the very key to focusing on the most important relationship in your life. God himself.  Dr. Stacy Jagger is on a mission to heal disconnection in children and families as the founder and clinical director of music, city, family therapy, creator of the mountain method, therapeutic protocol and author. Of the 30 day blackout Stacy is often praised for her connection based rapid results approach to relational and family challenges, her ability to connect to the child within. And boldly speak hard truth with heart-centered humor has earned her the nickname,  Dr. 

Sassy.

In 2023 Stacy founded advocate for the creative child. child. a nonprofit organization that underwrites mental health care for underprivileged children and is building creative playhouses in underserved communities in her hometown of Nashville, Tennessee. Stacy and her husband, holistic natural path. Ron Jagger are the proud parents of four amazing children. In her free time, Stacy can usually be found exploring the natural world. Playing music with her children or enjoying her lifelong love of ballroom dancing. 

Let's take a listen.

  📍 ​

 Welcome to curious for Christ. Do you ever find yourself lying awake at night? Wondering about God's plan for your life. Maybe you wake up with big dreams, but feel unsure where to start or what your next step should be. If you're curious about exploring your faith and finding purpose, then you've come to the right place. Hi, I'm Monica, Sandra. 

I too felt lost unsure of the direction my life was taking. I yearned to understand my purpose and have someone guide me. But I kept telling myself I was too busy, the timing wasn't right. And my lack of clarity prevented me from being consistent until I found Christ. He brought peace into my life and we field the way to find purpose by anchoring myself. In him. In this podcast, we'll journey together, exploring the Bible to gain a deeper understanding of him. and cultivate your own personal relationship with Christ.  So open up your Bible, put in those ear buds and listen up because God is speaking to you. He is making everything new and you don't want to miss it. Let's get started. 

 ​ 

  📍 So, here at Curious for Christ, we explore topics that help us grow closer to God, deepen our faith, and also prioritize what truly matters in life. And the truth is, in this world that we live in, where screens often replace real, authentic connection, U. C. C. offer practical steps. step that help us shift our focus back to what's most important.

And you mentioned relationships with families, with our families, but it's also with ourselves and ultimately with God. So I'm very excited that you are here sharing about your. extensive expertise and experience working with so many people, so many families and children included. So welcome and thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it a lot. Absolutely. Um, so yeah, so please, could you introduce yourself? You're a therapist and what inspired you to write the 30 day blackout book, how to help your kids turn off the screen and turn to their families.  And then also, what did you notice about how screens were affecting families in your practice? 

So the way that the 30 day blackout was born really started a long time ago. So in my early 20s, My husband and I had a very unusual opportunity to live in a non electric cabin that I wrote about briefly in my book, 30 Day Blackout.  And it was kind of a crazy story. We were in our early 20s. We didn't have children yet. 

And,  there was an 1850s cabin that was owned by some friends of ours that we went out there for the weekend, and I just fell in love with the simplicity of it. Now, I was raised in a very,  in a whole lot of adversity. Um, I was, I'm a child of an alcoholic, and so we were evicted multiple times by the time I finally left home at 15, 16 years old,  and my opportunity to live in a non electric cabin had more to do with needing to regulate my nervous system,  and that 18 month period  that my husband and I spent out there really carried over into my career path.

When families, parents were coming to me saying, what do we do with our four children or our five children or our, you know, large families that wanted me to help everybody.  And so there was an intuitive knowing that  There was a simple nervous system regulation issue in the family due to the overuse of screen time. 

And I started implementing digital detoxes about 13 years ago when this was not a mainstream issue. Nobody was talking about this.  You know, it was, it was not, nobody really thought it was a problem. Um, and I've kind of,  you know, internally been waiting for the mainstream public to get on board with what I've been saying for so long. 

 But it's, it's become an integral part of how I practice.  Because I really don't get anything out of seeing families longer than what is necessary. And I have found time and time again that families that choose to do some sort of  a 30 day blackout or a digital detox,  that the treatment time, rather than me seeing their children for years, is more like three to six months.

And when you look at the lifespan of a child,  you know, it's 12 years you get to be a kid. And if I can make a big difference in a child and family's life in a reasonable amount of time, I find that to be pretty rewarding.  That's so great. Yes. And actually your book was referred to me by a friend of mine who,  homeschools her four children, you yourself have four children.

So you definitely know firsthand what the challenges are.  My family, my husband and I, we lived on a boat. Uh, we,  uh, now we live in a real home, but, um, we do like the simplicity. And so that's why, that's why I was also attracted to what you're,  talking about in your book. But, um, what do you see are the biggest challenges that families or people face today when it comes to balancing technology with the, having true connections?

I  mean, you talked about the nervous system, but does it  come, what are the manifestations in daily life? Yeah,  what I see in my practice over and over again are,  high anxiety with children, high anxiety with parents. A lot of distraction,   isolation in the home where,  kids and parents are kind of all in their own rooms scrolling their phones, but they're not really participating in family time the way that we were even 20 years ago. 

 It's, you know, our little computers in our pockets have become  just mechanics of isolation, really. And what I say over and over again is connection is all about.  using the five senses. And unless you're visually impaired for a child, especially, but really for all of us, we need to be using our eyes.

Eye contact is very important. And it's one of the first things that I look at when I do a play based assessment for a child in my office is how much eye contact  Is there with a parent and child and you'd be really surprised as how little eye contact children are giving their parents anymore. And that's really the first place that I start that to answer your question.

It's a lot of anxiety, a lot of distraction, a lot of perception of disconnection. So,  Perception is everything, you know, especially with a child. So if they perceive that they're disconnected from you, it's directly related to their behavior. So many times when I help repair the connection in a family, which many times, you know, I implement some sort of digital detox, when that connection is repaired, many times the behavioral issues will go away on their own.

So it's sort of an organic process. And I've had colleagues Say to me, are you saying that everybody's addicted to screen? And I'm really not saying that. What I am saying is that there's sort of a continuum of distraction.  Now, certainly, I see kids that are truly, you know, addicted to screen time. But it's more about the distraction piece and the perception of disconnection.

And doing some sort of digital detox in your home will do what's called perturbing the system. system, which is a family therapy technique  where you're sort of shaking everybody up to reorganize in a healthier way. So if I, if I'm honest, it's more of a perturbing opportunity for the whole family to create a different kind of health.

That they may not have had prior to doing some sort of 30 day blackout,  right? Yeah.  So you're not only helping children, but it's everybody. Everybody is affected. We all live in this world of distractions. And actually, one of the main issues that my audience has is to how to prioritize.

What truly matters when everything is vying for their attention equally, right?  We are responsible for our families and we have to pay the mortgage and there's stress, um, added stress that we don't need due to the distraction, but there are real issues. So how do you, how do we regain our time and create space for those meaningful moments and those eye to eye, you know, those kind of look at each other and we take time.

You know, as you asked me that there is a person, a colleague of mine that really comes to mind, her name is Dan  and she is the founder of the philosophy of leisure.  And Deanne is really quite brilliant,  she and I are really on the same page in regards to, as soon as you're able to create the life you want,  and  put your have to's around the life you want to live. 

For example,  my time with my Children and my husband being outside in nature, getting exercise. My husband and I dance together on Friday night, like the things that we really love that fill our tank. We try to put those on our schedule as our priorities. And we schedule Our work around the life we want to live.

And that's really Dan's whole point. You know, she learned a lot of things the hard way in regards to being in a very high powered financial position and in the banking industry and learned the sort of the hard way  of when you put everything before the things that are important to you, what ends up happening is years roll by and you don't know where the time went, you know, so there's kind of a,  A way to think about things where you create the life you want and decide what you're willing to do to make that happen rather than the other way around.

Right.  Definitely scheduling first what we want to life to be. What advice would you give to, to parents who feel guilty about their children's,  screen use, um, whether there's an addiction or not.  And also they feel overwhelmed, you know, of the thought of, because it plays so many roles.

It can be a babysitter. It can be a way to unwind. And so how do we do?  Yeah, you know, what I tell parents is this happened so quick. If you look at history,  screen time, this is such a new thing. And it,  no parent says, I can't wait to hurt my child. You know, like nobody's doing that. It's kind of the frog in the water and, and  the temperature just keeps rising.

And. The tolerance for screen time has just gone up and up and up where it's really just part of our culture. We don't think about it anymore.    I tell parents this all the time. Like if you can drop the shame and guilt and just think about climbing a mountain, where are you, what do you want? And what are we willing to do to get what we want?

And the shame and the guilt really doesn't help much,  but if you can really focus on, this is where we are. This is what we want, and we're willing to do and take the steps necessary to get what we want, and I use the metaphor of a mountain a lot, because it's hard work to climb, to climb a mountain, you know, and I tell my clients, I've got the flashlight, I've got my backpack, and my water bottle, but you're going to have to carry your own stuff, you know.

Everybody carries their own stuff. Right, yeah.  What are the practical first steps, for instance, to implement that 30 day blackout that you mentioned in your book as a first, this is basically the first step to having those connections. So what, how does that work?  How do we implement the 30 day blackout?

Well, truly every family is different. So when you have young children and they're not in school yet, it's like the easiest time really. I mean, it seems like it's not the easiest time, but it actually is the easiest time to implement it.  Once you have school aged kids, where screens are required for school. 

I just tell parents remove all the apps and the, um,  the,  video games and things that are not necessary for work in school. And you're really paring down dramatically for a 30 day period of time. And it's not for punishment. And I say this over and over again, the first five days are really, really hard, really hard.

And then day six and seven, I call the door of boredom. That's when kids and parents honestly think boredom is going to kill them. And it never boredom doesn't kill children. It's actually necessary. for children to become aware of what they're intrinsically motivated to do. So it's actually a gift to give your child the gift of boredom.

So that's usually day six and seven. And then after the door of boredom, the next few weeks after that,

I simply coach parents to replace entertainment with connection time.  That's, you know, and that's, and after around day seven, kids are willing to do things with you that they were not willing to do before, like chop vegetables with you in the kitchen and go for simple family walks and put together puzzles and, you know, go for bike rides as a family, where before they may have complained and they wanted to play their video game instead or whatever. 

But once reality sets in that you really are planning on doing this and sticking to it,  everybody comes to a place  of willingness that you haven't seen in a long time, that every 30 day blackout for every family is different based on. Your willingness. Um, what apps are you willing to take off your phone?

I have not seen this work very well unless the parents do it with their children.  So like we don't have to have Instagram.  We don't have to have YouTube. We don't have to have Snapchat. I mean, you start adding them all up and it just, the research shows that kids are on screens about seven to eight hours a day, and that doesn't include their school time.

So there just isn't enough time for climbing trees and going to the creek and going to the playground and making mud pies like the things that Children have done for millennial.  You know, there's just simply not enough. Time to do it. Um, and then this, those simple things just don't really compete with the fast frames for second entertainment based screen time that kids are engaging in today. 

 I hope that answered your question. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, we actually implemented it.  Last year we have. Since then,  we went, , camping in a tiny home,  fishing and my son Vince has always, cause we live near the beach. So he goes fishing often, uh, plans time to go surfing and, and, and all of these things.

Um, so it's been really good and it's, it's, it's been a very natural,  it's something that we've always wanted, but  we just needed that structure, I guess, to be all on the same page and to know where to do, but what do you think would motivate? Because, you mentioned, okay, so it's not a punishment, but  It sure does feel like it.

And then boredom is not something, motivating, right? If that's one of the steps,  but yet it is important.  It , like you say, triggers other aspects of our imagination and moves us to do other things, other activities that are more meaningful. So what can,  motivate families to, decide to unplug especially when screens have been so.

 Central,  what could we say or do to motivate everyone, to do that? You know, I, I used to really honestly think that the 30 day blackout was all, if, if they would just follow this. 30 days that everything was going to be fine. Like I honestly believe that for a long time  until I realized,  after 13 years of practicing this way, it really is more complicated than just turning anything off.

And that is why I've created a course that comes out in January called the mountain method. And I think I shared this with you. And it's really for families that are never going to make it to my office in Brentwood, Tennessee, that would like to go through the same. process that I take families through all the time that includes a digital detox, but it's really a whole lot more about attachment styles and how to have more connecting conversations at home.

And you know, parents that may not have been raised in a way where they know how to play with their children and how to overcome that. There's just a lot more of the ingredients to the mountain method, which is how I've practiced for many years than just, throw on a 30 day blackout at somebody, which is kind of what I used to do.

And  I just have evolved and realizing that  it's more complicated  than I wanted it to be, honestly. And, but as far as motivating a family to want to do a digital detox, what I've found is that  when they have all the ingredients of the whole mountain and not just the digital detox, it's almost too much for them to wrap their heads around.

unplugging for that long, not really having somebody guide them through the process, if that makes sense.  Um, so I, I think  there's been a relational element to this of me walking people through the process that I underestimated. Which is why I've created this course that comes out in January of next year.

Yes, and we'll definitely want to talk about that,  along with all the resources that you offer in the end. When you talk about the mountain, you, I mean, it seems daunting, but it's not about being perfect. I'm assuming that's what maybe families would feel guilty about. It's really about Starting and it's a lifestyle,  right?

It's  lifestyle because you mentioned gray out after the blackout as well. So there's, you know, an easing back, but kind of taking control over what technology can do and can add to the family instead of taking over  the connections.  It's more about margin. It's about balance. It's about perspective.

Um, it's about communication. It's about nervous system regulation. It's about creativity. It's about spirituality. It's about a whole bunch of things other than just unplugging.  Yeah. Um, and, and I really feel after all these years of doing this, that it really takes five or six days for people to even understand, why am I doing this? 

So it's, it's kind of a,  You know, if you can't beat them, join them kind of thing. There's been so many families,  do digital detoxes now that are talking about their experiences that I think just out of curiosity alone, I think families can, you know, what would happen if, what would happen if we unplugged for a month?

You know, and, and obviously school and work doesn't count,  nobody's going completely Amish.  It's not even possible. You can't even put gas in your car without staring at a screen at this point.   But  you just get your life back. Honestly, you get your time back and your life back. So,  yeah.

That's exciting. And so for people who feel overwhelmed by technology, what are the first signs that their screen use might be crowding out important parts of their lives?  What have you noticed that technology is taking over and it's time to do a 30 day blackout, for instance?  Well, again, every family's different, but I will tell you that. 

I have a sign on my door that says, please turn off your screen during session.  And I can't count how many people that don't even know how to turn their phones off.  They don't know where the off button is.  And the amount of split attention with kids. We really have not measured the consequences of that. 

 Children need the attention  of us, not a hundred percent of the time, but the constant split attention I think is really ramping up children's behavioral issues and their anxiety and their need to feel seen, heard, celebrated, delighted in.   And so just the thought of reducing split attention By going through some sort of digital detox run month,   it's very enlightening quite honestly and my own family We do the dip we do a 30 day blackout once a year.

It's usually the month of August  And every year we're surprised at how much screen time has sort of  kidnapped us, but has distracted us from relationship with one another. And it's not all a bad thing. I'm so grateful. I don't have to get a big old map out when I'm trying to find where I'm going.

You know, like GPS is a beautiful thing, but.  I think having that reset every year has been really helpful for my own marriage and my own relationships with my own children. And I have an adult child now she's 18 and  just being able to see how we have, continually talked about this issue,  , and put different parental controls and things in place so that they're as safe as they can be given the world that we live in. 

 Has been helpful for us. So and also to find this family that each family is different. You know, the dynamic is different. And then every year Children grow so fast. Yeah,  we have differently to one another. So we do need that time. And yeah, yeah. I really appreciate that. I mean, there was nothing that I thought I was as,  laid out the way  you laid it out and  it really helped our family do that and be excited  doing great.

I'm from Europe. And so  I'm more of a, Nature, family dynamic, less busy, busy, but the truth is we all get sucked into the that. And so it's important to be intentional and not just say life, just go by. And,  you mentioned about your course launching in January. You also have free resources.

Could you tell us about that? And also tell me where our listeners,  can find you and find your work. Thank you. Yeah. So if you go to themountainmethod. com, there is a free resource there just to help parents understand resources in regards to parental controls for your phones. I'm amazed at how few parents understand that if you give your child an iPhone, You're really sending them to the wild, wild west.

So I really recommend some sort of a dumb down phone when the child is young, like a gab phone or a bark phone. And then you have a graduated system where by the time they're,  16 and they're in high school, That they have earned the right to have an iPhone with the proper parental controls in, in place. 

 If you go to drsassy. com, which is what my kids, kid clients call me, all of my kid clients call me Dr. Sassy. If you go to drsassy. com, everything that I offer is there. My communication mats, my books are there. , and my practice, my coaching, all of what I have going on is at Dr. Sassi. That's great. I'll make sure to put the link in the show notes along with the free resources that you offer.

Thank you so much for your time. This was so invaluable. And yes, prioritizing  matters.  It's very important. Instead of letting.  Society and technology dictates,  how you're going to live your life  I really appreciate that. And,  thank you so much. Is there anything that you'd like, any message that you'd like to leave our listeners with? 

You know, at the end of the day,  relationships are everything. And,  really realizing that we're only on this planet for a short amount of time. And you want to really focus on the relationships that mean the most to you.  Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much, Stacy, for your time. Thanks.

Appreciate it. 

 Thank you for joining us on this episode of curious. Curious for Christ. I hope that you found Dr. Jaggers inside in lightning, or even inspiring regarding the impact of screen time, the importance of digital detoxes and the power of connection, whether it is family one another, or even God. And perhaps there's a way to carve out time for God. by turning off your screens or even deleting some distracting apps. Um, how are you thinking about making time for the most important thing this week? God. Maybe by spending more time in his word, prayer, or simply being in his presence. If you believe you need more help with prioritizing God, let's set up a time for your first spiritual growth coaching session. When you schedule a session. with me, I have an intake form that helps me understand your specific needs and tailor my coaching to what you require right now. 

 So wherever you are on your journey with God, I have strategically and tactically. Guide you toward our relationship. With God.  So. Also let's continue this conversation in the Facebook group. I would love to hear what your thoughts, experiences, and ideas are for prioritizing God in your life. Thank you for listening and may God bless you. Much love and bye for now.

  📍 ​

 Hi, I hope you enjoy today's episode. If so, would you like to take 30 seconds and share it with a friend who may also struggle with knowing God and his purpose for their life? Also leave. A review on apple podcasts and let me know what topics you'd  like to hear about in the future. Your voice matters. 

I'll meet you back next Friday for another episode.  

​