How to trust your body again after infertility & loss

On today’s episode we’re talking about something that so many of us experience, but so few talk about openly.

And that is what happens to your relationship with your body after infertility or pregnancy loss.

Because at some point along this journey, your body can start to feel like something you no longer recognise.

Like it’s failed you.
Like it’s broken.
Like it’s something you can’t trust anymore.

And when that trust is gone, it doesn’t just impact your fertility journey, it seeps into everything: your confidence, your decisions, your ability to feel safe…and to keep going.

So today, we’re going to explore how to begin to rebuild that trust.

Not through fixing, but through reconnection, compassion, and coming back into relationship with your body in a whole new way.

By the time you finish listening you'll find out:

• Why we lose trust in our bodies when trying to conceive
• The steps you can take to start re-building that trust again
• Why doing this will help you feel closer to bringing your baby home

EMBRACE THE JOURNEY IS BACK at the end of this month!

This FREE 3-day live training event will show you how to use the practices of Fertility Yoga, Meditation + Breathwork to:

• Support your fertility
• Regulate your menstrual cycle
• Cam your nervous system
• Ease the anxiety of TTC
• And be in the energy of a group of

Thanks for being here on Your Journey to Fertility! When you finish listening, I'd love to hear your biggest takeaway from today’s episode. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, share it to your Instagram stories and tag me @jen.elementpilatesyoga 

If you're trying to conceive, I have lots of resources to support you:

To grab a copy of my Free Fertility Yoga Guide, click here:

To jump inside the Secret Fertility Shift private podcast series, click here:

To learn more about In Your Element - The Fertility Yoga Experience click here and start using so many of the practices I speak about for yourself.

This program is a guided way to: 

• Sync with your cycle & synchronize your hormones
• Increase success rates through proven, scientific methods
• Regulate your nervous system & make every part of this journey feel easier

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

On today's episode, we're talking about something that so many women experience, but so few talk about openly. And that is what happens to your relationship with your body after infertility or pregnancy loss. Because at some point along this journey, your body can start to feel like something you no longer recognized, like it's failed you, like it's broken, and like it's something that you can't even trust anymore. And when that trust is gone, it doesn't just impact your fertility journey, but it seeps into everything, your confidence, your decisions, your ability to feel safe and to keep going. So today we're going to explore how to begin to rebuild that trust. Not through fixing, but through reconnection, compassion, and coming back into relationship with your body in a whole new way. Welcome to your journey to fertility. This is the podcast that blends science with spirit to give you all the tools you need as you navigate your fertility journey. I'm your host, Jennifer Edmonds, and for the last 15 years I've been helping women on their journeys to motherhood and beyond. I believe that combining the latest scientific research along with the best energetic and mindset practices will help you to avoid putting your life on hold and bring you closer to your baby. Each week you'll learn ways to support your fertility and trust your body so that you can stop stressing that you'll never have your baby and finally walk your path to motherhood. This is the Your Journey to Fertility Podcast. Hello, welcome back to the podcast. Now, this episode today is one I have wanted to put together for a while, and I think that we can all relate to this topic on some level. I remember when I was going through my own, both of my fertility journeys, I remember thinking I was so connected to my body. I trusted my body so much, you know. As an athlete growing up and someone who worked in the health and fitness industry, I was so used to seeing results from my body if I made certain changes in my life. Like if I went to parties regularly, I'd recover more easily from my skating sessions. If I lifted weights consistently, I'd see a change in my strength. But when I was in the place of struggling to have my family, infertility completely threw me. Because the efforts no longer equaled the results. You can do everything and you can do it perfectly. You can put your body into the most ideal state for conception. And sometimes it just isn't enough. Sometimes it doesn't work. And it can feel like your body just keeps letting you down over and over again. Now, before we get into the episode today, I am excited to announce as we move into July, we start the countdown to embrace the journey at the very end of this month. So if you are new to my world or to this incredible training series, it is something that we run only once or twice per year. It is my free three-day live immersive fertility yoga training series. It is the step-by-step instruction manual, the blueprint, the blueprint, as to how you can start using these practices in your own life on your own journey to really bring about change. Now we have three days together. So we get to go through beautiful yoga flow sessions, guided meditations. I will give you a whole bunch of different breathwork techniques that you can employ. If you register for the upcoming series, you also get two free guided meditations that you can start listening to as we get closer and closer to the event. And it's a way for you to come and meet me, ask me all of your questions. And probably my favorite thing about it is that you get to be surrounded by a group of women from all over the world who get it, who are in the same boat as you. They have been struggling and they are looking for something to make their lives easier and to actually improve your fertility and get you better success outcomes. And this is what I want to show you. And this is not one of those training series where, you know, you sit on a live webinar for an hour and they're gatekeeping all of the good stuff. Like that, that is not how I roll. This is about giving you the exact practices you need and you can take them home and you can keep them and use them again as you need. So if this is something that sounds interesting to you, you just want to get a feel for these practices, especially if you are new to this kind of work, this is the perfect way to get started. It is safe no matter where you are in your menstrual cycle or if you are undergoing fertility treatments. So the link to register is in the show notes. If you go to elementpilatesyoga.com forward slash wait list, you will jump onto the registration page. But like I said, the link will also be down in the show notes. So any questions you have about that, reach out to me and I cannot wait to see you there in just over three weeks. Okay, so let's get back into the episode. I want to start by asking how you can begin to trust your body again after infertility and loss. Firstly, what I really want to acknowledge is how common all of this is. I think pretty much every single one of my students that that comes through my doors will say this to me at some point. You know, I feel like I'm broken, I can't trust myself, I can't trust my body, it feels like nothing I do makes any difference. So if you are feeling disconnected or even resentful or angry at your body, I want you to know that you are not alone. And I would like to start by trying to reframe this just a little bit because your body isn't trying to betray you. Your body is designed to get pregnant every single month. So if your body isn't, it means that there is something off and it needs support in some kind of way that we need to uncover. But also, your body wants exactly what you want. And all of these painful experiences, they are happening through your body. So I want you to give yourself a little bit of compassion if you are in this place. Trust, I think, gets very broken through infertility and especially pregnancy loss. It's the moment where things shift from excitement to confusion. You know, you think that your journey is going to look one way. We're told our whole lives that not getting pregnant is the biggest thing that we need to worry about. And then we get to that place of thinking, well, what is wrong with me? We see negative test after negative test. You might have even gone through unsuccessful treatment cycles. And especially if you have experienced pregnancy loss or embryo loss, it is such a break in trust. You know, you you trusted the system, you trusted everything that you were told, you trusted that getting pregnant wasn't going to be hard. And the expectations versus the reality, like IVF is, especially when you start, it's like this hope at the end of a very dark tunnel. We're so naive when we go into it. And I know it works first time for a lot of people, and that is incredible. But we think that the doctors know what we're doing and we trust this process implicitly. But more often than not, it doesn't work. And then there is the impact on your nervous system. It gets to the point where we feel like our body is unsafe. And whether you consciously think that, there are a lot of subconscious beliefs that start to come up, especially through loss and that stored trauma of losing your baby. It is the loss of predictability. I can't rely on my cycle. I don't understand what my body is doing. And your body also becomes this test subject, you know, especially if you're going down the medicated route on your fertility journey. You are poked, prodded, tested, put through procedures, and you outsource all of the trust that you have with your body to doctors, to results, to data, statistics, all of the things that take you away from your connection to your physical body. So when you put all of this together, you can see what a huge impact it has on your relationship to yourself. And trust isn't lost because you are weak through this process or because you have done anything wrong. It is lost because your body has been through something huge. There is a hidden cost of not trusting our body. And I think, as I said, this happens subconsciously without us even realizing it. We start to drop into this place of hypervigilance where we are constantly overanalyzing every sign, every symptom, googling symptoms, asking Chat GTP to tell us what is going on. We disconnect completely from our intuition and our inner knowing. And we get to the point where we don't even know what our bodies need anymore. You don't even know what feels good anymore. And when you get into this state of hypervigilance, because this is a stress response, we tend to go into fight or flight mode. And one of the most common things that I see, and absolutely I did this myself, is we go into fight mode by trying to regain control over everything. The perfect nutrition, the timing, the supplements, the routines. And then when all of that doesn't work, there's the emotional impact as well. We tend to blame ourselves. We are shameful that our bodies can't do the thing, that it seems like it's so easy for everybody else. And we get fearful of hoping. We get fearful about this idea of opening up that little crack of hope because we think I've been heartbroken before. And if I start to believe that it will happen, I'm just gonna get my heartbroken once again. So, how do we begin to build that trust once again? So I want to break this into some just small, gentle, actionable steps that you can start to think about employing within your own life here as well. I want you to begin by shifting from this idea of fixing into noticing. Always with so much of this work, this deeper work, you awareness is always the first step. You can stop treating your body like it's a project and start seeing your body as a relationship. So imagine the way you would speak to your child, you know, the way that you would lovingly hold them and ask them what they need and look after them when things aren't going well. Start seeing your body as a relationship and how would you treat your child? Can you start to treat your body in the same way? Instead of telling your body constantly what it should be doing or what it needs, you can start to ask, what does my body need from me today? And not from this lens of what do I need in order to get pregnant? Instead, coming from this space of, well, if I can just tune in and listen to some of the signs, some of the signals that my body is telling me, what do I truly need? Am I exhausted? Do I need to skip the gym today? Do I need to say no to that social event after work because I need to rest? Or maybe I'm feeling more energized today. Maybe I really just want to get out of the house, move my body. I want to go and catch up with people. I want to feel the energy that is building within me. Whatever it is, start tuning into ways that you can reconnect with what your body needs. And we will talk about those little ways that you can do that later on in the episode. Now, I want you to note that you cannot truly tap into that inner wisdom and intuition or guidance from a place of dysregulation. We need to find ways of getting our nervous systems regulated first, which again, like I said, I'm gonna speak about a little later on in the episode. We want to start with safety, not trust, because trust might feel too big at first, especially if you are recovering from loss or a treatment cycle that hasn't been successful, or even months and years of trying without any results. That idea of trusting your body completely can feel like too much of a leap. So I want you to begin with this idea of what I can do to feel 1% calmer in my body right now. So simple practices that you can do anytime you feel yourself getting triggered, anxious, overwhelmed. Place a hand on your heart to really press your hand into your chest. Breathe deeply and slowly, grounding, so finding all of the parts of your body that are connected to the floor, the chair, the bed, wherever you might be, the ground that you're walking on, and focus on all of those places. Being able to find that space, being able to find a moment of regulation is the most important thing you do before we start to tap into that idea of trust. Always acknowledge that your body's experience is potentially a little bit different to your conscious one because your body has held loss. And I know this sounds a little bit strange because everything that your body goes through, you go through, but your mind is very different to your body. It processes things in completely different ways. So it might be a case of asking your body exactly what she needs. And this might feel a little bit crazy, but speak to your body like you would a friend or again your child. You could say things like, I know you've been through a lot, but I'm here now and I'm listening and I want to hear exactly what you need. We rebuild through consistency, not perfection. Trust comes from repeated safe experiences. And as I have said before, we know that our nervous systems love predictability and consistency. Now, not everything can be predictable on this journey, but we can always find ways to consistently come back into regulation. Find your little daily rituals, your toolbox. What is it that helps you to feel calmer within your own body? Gentle movement, gentle yoga, creating space in your day, breath work, checking in with your body, eating the things that you love. It's always about adding to this toolkit and then coming back to it when you need and taking the things out that you need in the moment. Now, the last way that you can start to rebuild that trust with your body, this is the biggest one. And honestly, if you take one thing away from this episode, let it be this. We need to look for progress on this journey in other ways. If you are measuring everything in your life by whether you get two pink lines at the end of the month, it will set you up to be disappointed over and over again. So you need to find other ways to show your brain that you are making progress, that you are getting closer to your baby. But how on earth are you meant to do this? This is one of the things that I absolutely love taking my students through. You need to think about what else is going on in your body and how you can address that. How is your menstrual cycle? How are you sleeping? When I started my fertility yoga practice, I went from having chronic insomnia that had been plaguing me for months and months and months to being able to fall asleep and stay asleep without thinking about it. I had a thyroid condition that started to heal without me having changing any of my medications. So thinking about what else is happening in your body and what small practices can you start using today to shift those. So maybe you begin to feel less triggered in certain situations. Maybe you find that your thoughts aren't consuming you so much. Maybe being around that person who's pregnant that you know always complains about being pregnant or got pregnant really easily, that person that really triggers you, maybe you can be around that person a little bit more easily. And perhaps you can make changes to impact your menstrual cycle or your sleep or your overall health. Whatever it might be, I want you to start noticing those changes and writing them down. So whether it is a list in a journal or just a list in the notes app on your phone, we need to find ways of reminding our brain that we are making small progress at every stage of this fertility journey. So when you're able to list things out and you look back and you're like, wow, okay, well, I went from having a menstrual cycle that was all over the place to having more consistency, more regularity, less PMS, I'm now sleeping a little bit more easily. Listing out all of these things reminds your brain how far you've come. And that is what helps you to rebuild trust in your body again. Because when you say, I was able to do this, and my body responded like that, you realize how incredibly capable you are. And then you realize, well, what else can I do? Getting pregnant and bringing your baby home doesn't feel so out of reach. So as we finish up this episode, I want to ask yourself, and maybe you want to write out these questions in your journal. Ask yourself, where have you stopped trusting your body? And what would it feel like to soften just a little bit to allow your body to tell you what she needs today? Ask yourself, what has my body been through? Really acknowledge and name all of the things that your body has held. Ask what might my body need from me right now. And what would trusting my body in a small, achievable way actually look like? Now remember, you do not have to rush this process. Trust is rebuilt slowly and gently and in moments of safety. And your body is not your enemy, it has been carrying you through, and it has been carrying so, so much. Now remember, if you need more guidance, if you want a way to be fully supported and learn what feels best and actually come back into that relationship with your body, please come and join me inside Embrace the Journey at the end of this month. It is such an experience to be surrounded by the energy of a group of women who get it and to start tapping into some of these practices that I speak about so much on this podcast. And it's completely free. So get your name onto the wait list. The link is in the show notes. I cannot wait to see you there. Now, this week I have a bonus episode dropping. We are inviting in the egg quality queen herself, Amy Raup, and she is joining us to discuss all things male and female fertility optimization, new treatments that are working in 2026, and what your doctor probably isn't telling you, especially if you are in your late 30s and 40s. So I cannot wait to have you back here for that episode at the end of the week. But until then, I am sending you all of my wishes as you continue your own journey to fertility.