Welcome to the True for You Podcast. This is your host, Renee Cupples, and this is a bonus episode. I'll be doing a bonus episode each week as part of a 40-day series that I'm doing on sadhana. So I'm posting an episode every day for 40 days. It's about five minutes about the process of sadhana. It's a 40-day practice, and the goal is to lead to self-realization. 

And the bonus episodes are gonna be some lessons that I learned throughout the course of this year being in chronic pain, going through a divorce at the same time. It was a very difficult year, and I was, very resistant to the idea of divorce. I was married for almost 20 years, and my biggest concern was my children and not wanting to traumatize them. So sharing about the process is super vulnerable, and all I wanna do is protect them. 

But there were a few lessons that happened throughout the course of the year. I feel the need to share because I kept getting the download to surrender, and I was very resistant to that idea because it felt like all of this stuff was happening to me. My body was in chronic pain. I was in a lot of emotional pain, and I just kept thinking, "Why would I surrender?" Like, that would be crazy, right, to lean into, like, this being okay?

Throughout the process of being in pain, earlier in the year last year, I had bought tickets for my mom to a concert in Boston that was taking place in March of 2026, and the artist's name was Brandon Lake, and I had never heard of this guy. But my mom's like, "Oh, I really want to see him," so I had bought the tickets and kind of forgot about it. So fast-forward, I'm in chronic pain, in one of the hardest periods of my life. I'm like, "Maybe I should listen to this guy," right? If I have any hopes of potentially possibly being able to go to this guy's concert in March, right? Like, that in the future kind of seemed impossible, but I was like, "Maybe it'll be possible," right? 

So I started listening to his music, and that message that I kept getting to surrender, was also the message that I was getting from listening to his music. And he's kind of like a country-rock-worship hybrid, is what I would say. He used to be a member of a group called Elevation Worship, and then he went out as a solo artist. He does a lot of, collaborating with other artists and recording songs. And, the messages in his songs just really resonated with me at a time where I was feeling really hopeless and beaten down. And the message that I got was, "What if this is happening for you?" And, it almost seemed cruel in a way, right, to lean into that idea. Like, why do I need to be in such physical pain and to reach such rock bottom, in order to see the light, right, in order to have hope, in order to know that there's a future ahead that isn't this dark? And just that glimmer of light, it just really helped me. 

So I would go to church with my parents. I actually couldn't physically sit easily. It was extremely painful. So I would sit in church in extreme pain and just cry. And the messages, each week would be about surrender, and about pain, about money, which is something that I was in a lot of fear over, about forgiveness, about fear. And it was like I needed to be there and just surrender, to what is and to God and to the greater good, and just know that there was, something hopeful for me on the other side. 

So I was able to get surgery in February, and I got cleared by my doctor one month post-op to be able to drive to Boston to go see Brandon Lake. And it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life to not be able to, physically move easily for six months and then go to this concert that was sold out, and the energy was just so beautiful and loving and celebratory and all about surrender and the divine. And I was just so, so grateful and crying happy tears. One of the most amazing experiences ever. And my mom and I had a really nice weekend together. 

And It's just sometimes you get these little nudges like surrender and you have a lot of resistance. Well, for me, I had a lot of resistance to it. But there isn't always, specific reasons why things are happening. I think that you just have to lean into what is helping you and what is getting you through, and lean on your people and, lean on your faith. Lean on whatever is helping you, get through the dark times. So that's lesson two. This is your bonus episode of some lessons that I learned from, being in chronic pain and going through a really difficult time. If you're going through a difficult time, I'm sending you love and light and hope. And I'll talk to you soon. Take care.