24. Rest Resistance: Unmasking the Ego's Role in Avoiding Stillness and Emotional Growth

Why do we resist rest? In this episode, we dive into the addiction to constant nervous system activation and explore how our egoic mind uses this resistance to avoid challenging emotions. Discover the impact of rest resistance on numbing our feelings and learn about the importance of radical self-reflection and shadow work. I’ll share practical strategies to experience and release emotions, helping you to break free from the cycle of rest resistance and embrace true emotional growth. Tune in to uncover the hidden purposes behind our resistance to rest and how to navigate it for a more balanced life.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

This is Soul Therapy. I'm your host, Jen Hully, a professional intuitive guide, therapeutic coach, and photographer obsessed with helping others to live authentically fulfilling lives. This week we are talking about rest and rest resistance. Because rest is so necessary for not just surviving but thriving. And really, it is. Like we know there's a reason we sleep every night, right? We don't just go, go, go like the energizer bunny. There's a reason that our body wants to pass out for eight to ten hours a night. And there's a reason why we feel like crap if we don't sleep well. But there's also this other side of the coin where it is so damn hard to take the rest that we need. And I want to talk about what happens when we keep pushing against those intuitive nudges that we get where we know that we need to slow down. And so today, yes, we're talking about rest resistance. And I want to be totally transparent here. I suck at resting. I really, really suck at resting. I resist rest so much that I actually have two stories to share in this episode about how I struggle every single day with slowing the fuck down and getting the rest that I need. And my intention for this episode is to, yes, share my own struggles with you about rest and rest resistance, but also to dig a little deeper into why we avoid and resist doing the things that our soul is literally screaming out for. You'll find that as we talk about resisting rest in this episode, you'll probably see it reflected in other areas because there's reasons that we avoid resting that tie into other things like self-love, self-care, our goals. And it's a really, really fascinating topic. And frankly, it's something I've been talking a lot about with clients, with friends, just with myself in the shower, because it seems to be something that we're all struggling with. And I guarantee you, you'll see yourself reflected in this episode. And by the end of it, hopefully you'll have some strategies that you can put into place to help you get the rest that you need or to at least take that first step towards rest. And so before we start this episode, I do want to acknowledge that it's summertime. And as part of my own rest resistance recovery plan, yes, it's a thing. I've had to schedule this in. I've made space in my calendar that is protected to do just that. I have days blocked off every week that are safe for me to rot on the couch if I want to, to go to the beach, to read, to cook, and to just prioritize getting rest and enjoying the summer with my son. And so, yeah, summer office hours are officially a thing over here. And my calendar is open for intuitive tarot readings, therapeutic wellness, and you know, intuitive life design sessions. And I want you to book your session today because yes, the calendar is open, but yes, it's only open at half capacity. And we all know that the summer gets nuts, and what we don't prioritize doesn't get done. So let's prioritize you and have you take that first step towards your own wellness by booking a taster session call. It is a free 30-minute session with me to talk it out and try out some strategies and get you going on your intuitive path wherever that's gonna lead you. Now, we're gonna pull a card right now, and I want to do something with tuning forks before we start the episode because I'm getting really into sound healing as well as tarot and therapeutic art and talk strategies, breath work, all sorts of things. I keep adding things to my toolkit, but I have a set of tuning forks that are all tuned to different frequencies to align with different chakras, and I've been playing around with them. If you're following me on Instagram or TikTok, you've seen some videos that I'm putting out there where we do a little experiment where we tap the tuning fork and you tell me what you're feeling or hearing or seeing when it happens. Uh, if you're not following on TikTok and Instagram, what are you doing? Get over there because we do fun stuff. And so I want us to do a little session with a tuning fork that will help us lean into a space of um rest and recovery, but let's talk tarot first, right? I always pull a card at the beginning of every episode to sort of ground us in a message. And I asked, you know, my guides to guide us towards a card that needed to be pulled to set the stage as we talk about rest and rest resistance and supporting ourselves to make more time for ourselves. And I got this card. It's from my deck called The Modern Witch, which has a traditional tarot set in there, but has these two different cards in in there, like in the mix. One is red and it says you're a badass and whatever, whatever. And then one is a duplicate of the Ten of Swords. But instead of saying the Ten of Swords at the bottom, it says everything is fine. It's this girl, you know, typically lying down. She's got like 10 swords in her back and she's like, uh, and she's on her phone scrolling, and it just says, Everything is fine. Everything is fine. And I kept these cards in the deck specifically because I wanted to attach a personal meaning to them so that when they come up, I knew that it had a different message. And when I pull this card, the everything is fine card, it means that you're in a space where you literally feel like you're on the ground, where you're like, you've either been hurt by somebody or let down, or you're like, you're in your feels. Something has either come to an end or you're just in that state of like full collapse where you're like, this is awful. And it's there to remind you that it's not as bad as you think it is. Everything is fine. It's okay. Like, like get in your feels, listen to sad music, scroll on your phone if you need to, but you're gonna get through it and whatever is happening in your life isn't as dire as your brain is making it out to be. Yes, there might be perceived dangers and perceived pain and trauma and things. Um, but it's it's saying that in the grand scheme of life, you're gonna look back and be like, it wasn't that bad. That's not to negate what you're feeling, right? But when we're talking about rest resistance specifically today, this card makes me think that whatever story you're telling yourself in your brain about what will happen if you stop or you slow down or you take time, all the terrible, you know, sky is falling things that you think are gonna happen, people are gonna hate me. I'm gonna let people down, I'm gonna lose my job, I'm not gonna make any money, I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Everything's fine. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. And it's actually okay to lie on the ground for a little bit. Like she's got swords in her back, but she's resting, really. Like she's chilling, she's on her phone, she's scrolling, she's probably like going through social media or doing some shopping. And it's okay. It's okay to when you feel like you're on the brink of collapse, it is okay to collapse into it. In fact, you should collapse into it, and you should just give yourself, your mind, your body, and your spirit whatever it needs to heal. Now let's go on that note. I'm making a joke here. Note, because I'm gonna hit a note with a tuning fork. Oh, side note before I get in into this. I'm having a hard time talking, folks. I'm still, if you are on my email list, you got an email uh about the botched Botox that I had done a couple weeks ago, but it's been about a month, but like half the side of my face doesn't work. And so sometimes I feel like I'm talking and it's like it's coming out like I'm at the dentist. Like, and because it is, because half of my mouth is not moving as easily and it just hurts, man, to talk. So it's been a couple weeks. That's why I haven't had a podcast episode. And also, in the name of rest, I'm probably not gonna podcast every single week this summer, just with my half schedule, but also the fact that my face cannot take it. So I share this because I'm probably gonna talk slower this episode, and I may need to take breaks like I just did there. Because sometimes it's like I go to talk and it's like the word wants to come out, but my muscles don't know what to do. They're kind of it's almost like they're frozen. Like if you were lifting weights over and over and over again, eventually your arm would like get stuck and then it like releases and it moves again. So that's kind of what's happening. I can't talk at rapid speed like usual. And uh my dog's just decided to leave. So if you heard some random shaking noises, that was him. But let's uh let's do some tuning fork work. And so as we get into this conversation about rest, if you're driving, keep your eyes on the road. Don't close your eyes while you do this, but still settle into your body and just listen to this tuning fork. It is 194.18 and it's tuned to the root chakra. And the reason I went with the root chakra is because when we want to settle into rest, we have to feel safe. Our nervous system has to relax. You cannot rest if your nervous system is fired the fuck up. Absolutely not. You could be on a beach and be like, I'm resting, I'm resting, but your nervous system is like in the back. It's not gonna help you, right? So if you're dealing with rest resistance or you're having a hard time unwinding, I would suggest like looking at your root chakra and working with that. And that's definitely some work that we can do together. If you want to tackle that topic in your taster session with me, go book something and we'll talk about how to nurture your root chakra so that you can feel comfortable resting, but also reap the benefits of the rest that you're you're doing. Because like resting, it doesn't mean anything if it's not clocking in. You know what I mean? If it's not landing and being absorbed by your body and your energetic sphere, it's just another fucking thing you're doing on your to-do list. So before we get going, I want you to close your eyes if that's available to you. Not if you're driving or walking. Use your mind and listen to the sound, listen to the tones. Just pay attention to what you feel. Maybe you feel like your jaw starting to hurt or like unclenched, or maybe you see an image. You know, it when you listen to tones, they connect you with your clairsentience and your clair uh voyance. So you may see things or feel things. All right. I'm gonna stop talking, give myself a little rest of the mouth, and listen to some tuning forks here. So, how was that? I find that instantly my breathing slows down when I listen to those. And I love this root chakra tuning fork. I actually love to lie down on the couch, give it a whack, and then put the um the stem or the handle of the tuning fork on my collarbone or near my heart space, like just on those, I don't know what those are called. I'm not a doctor. The bones below your collarbone that are kind of on your chest, above where your boobs would be, if you have breasts, you know what I mean. We'll figure out what that's called. Chest bones. And I let it sort of like reverberate through my body. It's so soothing and so excuse me, it's so soothing and so calming. And if you want to learn more about tuning forks, how to use them, just send me a DM or something, or book a time to chat with me. I love chatting about stuff like this. But let's dive into rest. Let's talk about rest. And so, like, where do we start? Right, where do we start talking about rest? And well, one of the things that I say to my clients is that we can't decide where we want to go until we are clear on where we are right now. So, where am I in my quest for rest? Currently, I have fought this summer kicking and screaming. Okay. And the odd thing is that I like so want it. I like dream of rest. I desire rest. I have had on my vision board for several several years now to build a business model that allows me to take the summers off and just go fully into rest mode and like out of office mode and just enjoy the time with my son. Literally every year. Same ideal image, same like concept goes up on my vision board. And every year I mentally engage with it in this like relationship of like, won't it be nice when I can? Wouldn't it be amazing when I can have the summers off? I, you know, when I have the summers off, I will blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it took me just like one week into summer vacation to be totally and utterly exhausted, like the kind of exhausted that gives you an eye twitch. And when I had the eye twitch startup, I really dove back into that familiar mental fantasy loop of, oh, won't it be nice when I can take the summer off? Oh, this is annoying. Trying to work and, you know, parent full time, and it'll be so nice when I can just zone out and take the summer and blah, blah, blah. And all these stories of like how happy I would be, how rested I would feel, and how free life would be for me when I finally achieve that thing on my vision board of like having summers off in my business. But this time I actually caught myself. And the only thing that was standing between this desire, this vision board item, and actually having it was me. It was abundantly clear that it was there, I could take it, I could have it, but I wasn't letting myself have it. And part of me, I think, got so attached to the identity and the process of like, I'm building my business, you know, the hustle and grind that it just became my norm. And one day I had to stop and take like a metaphorical look at my life. And I was like, do I have to be working at a hundred percent capacity for the next two months? No. Is like anything terrible gonna happen to my financial security, my home, my well-being, me, my son, my progress if I don't work at a hundred percent for the next two months? No. Would my well-being, my confidence, and my like life satisfaction benefit from me not working at a hundred percent for two months? And it was like ding ding ding bingo. And it was then that I realized like I was gatekeeping my desires and my dreams uh from myself. That whole hustle and grind, exhaustion and stress and scrambling, it was really, really, really familiar. Like working to exhaustion and being like, can't stop, can't stop. I'm building my dream, I'm building my empire, I gotta keep going. It was so comfortable to me. And my brain was doing a hell of a job keeping my blinders on so that I didn't see any other option available to me. And we resist rest. Like this happens. We resist rest because and our brain resists giving us what we need and what we desire because it is so foreign and unfamiliar to us. I'm gonna say that again. Our brain actively avoids giving us what we want and need because the experience of having it is so foreign and unfamiliar to our nervous system and to just our conscious existence, like our conscious experience of what it means to be alive. And the good news is that like we have a brain, it does this, but we're not our brain. Okay. And this concept of avoiding and actively not taking steps towards or self-sub-sabotaging against the things that we want and need, it extends to so many different areas of life beyond rest. Like we can get addicted to self-deprivation, we can get addicted to not having what we want, we can get addicted to struggling and sacrificing and this like constant loop of being sick or in pain or under stress. And when we get addicted to that, because it's been our norm for so long, our brain literally goes, This is our truth. We shall defend it like our life depends on it because it thinks that it does. And yes, you think like, well, why would I be addicted to feeling like crap? It's not addicted to it like emotionally. You're not thinking, like, oh, this feels good in my emotions. It's just your brain doesn't know any different. So depending on what your life experiences have been like in the past, or what patterns of behavior have been sort of wired into your system based on your upbringing and just where you are, where you are now in your life. There is this element of your brain that's like, this is the way it's gonna be, and this is the way it has to be. And the idea of having something completely different is so scary. It's like absolutely not intruder, intruder, alert, alert, get them out. And I believe that noticing this is the first step, and perhaps it's the hardest one because it's the rip the blindfold off moment, right? It's like the eight of swords, where you realize that you're at the center of like a very intricate game of self-sabotage. And when I say it's an intricate game of self-sabotage, I mean like super intricate. Like we can get sick, we can ignore opportunities, we can for some reason forget to do something, like things can fall apart. It happens on a level that seems like it's coming from outside of us, but quite often it's coming from inside of us because part of our mind is trying to protect what has been the norm for so long. And when you feel like discomfort from this, it's because you're in that doorway of transformation. There's this doorway that you you want to go through. Your soul wants to go to a space where things feel different for you on the daily. And so you start to feel like frustrated that this is the way things always are. You start to notice that's that that blindfold coming off where you're like, why is it always like this? Why can't you know, why can't I get the rest that I need? Why am I always exhausted? Why, why, why? And once you know that, that you are at this doorway of transformation, and you can begin to look at yourself and say, like, what role have I been playing in this game of self-sabotage? That's when you can begin to support yourselves out of it. And this is when you revisit your life vision. Like, what do you value? Ask yourself, what do you really value? And what experiences and emotions are you wanting to take the forefront in your life? You need to audit the shit out of your situation. Audit the shit out of it. Like, look at really, honestly, and truly what you want your life to look, feel, sound, smell, taste like. And how have you been supporting that vision? Ask yourself, how have you been supporting that vision? How have you been gatekeeping yourself from it? These are hard ass questions that you have to ask. How is not resting working for me? Because it's not working, but it's also working. There is an element of not resting that is working for you and your brain on some level. You might want to ask, what am I gaining from the experience of being on the go all the damn time? Like, is it a sense of control? Are you gaining a sense of control? Does it help quell some anxiety, even if it's only for a few minutes? Does it help you feel good about yourself because you're always needed by others? Like these are radical self-reflective questions. They're hard questions. It's the key that's gonna open the door that you need to move through. And it's not easy. Like you're gonna have to look at the ugly bits of yourself. You're gonna have to honestly and with no judgment, look at the challenging behaviors that you engage in. You're gonna have to look at maladaptive beliefs that you let run your experience or filter your experience of life. And you're gonna need to decide to love yourself unconditionally through all of that and even in spite of all of that. And this is a big part of shadow work, okay? It's a big part of shadow work. And I feel like we could do a whole episode on shadow work because shadow work is something that we visit a lot in coaching. Because, yes, setting goals is amazing, and connecting with that most aligned version of yourself is super fun and it makes us feel good, but all parts of you need to be supported in your development. You need to visit your inner child, you need to visit your trauma, you need to visit your complexities, and you need to visit your shadow. It is radical self-reflection. And I'm gonna tell you now to make sure you're on the email list because in the coming weeks, I'm gonna be sharing some prompts for journaling, meditation, tarot, therapeutic art, etc., that will support you in this process of radical self-reflection. Because yes, resisting rest can be an addiction to a nervous system state. Okay, it can be an addiction to an identity or a set of behaviors such as self sabotage and deprivation, but there's more to it as well. What's the other side of rest resistance? And the other side that I see frequently in the clients that I work with and myself is avoidance of feeling. Because keeping busy is like a super sexy way of avoiding what you're feeling, right? And I say it's sexy because it's more socially appropriate than like numbing out with drugs, but it has the exact same impact. And I'm gonna share with you this Botox story. Trust me, it all connects. This Botox story that has left me with half a face that doesn't move, a smile that looks totally mangled if I can get a smile out, a smile that hurts, a jaw and neck that hurts from talking at length. Like, long story short, why did how did the Botox do this? I get Botox injections to manage TMJ for jaw clenching because I clench my jaw so badly in my sleep that it creates insomnia. Like I wake up with my neck and my jaw totally seized because I'm clamping down so much. So I get T, um, so I get Botox injections, uh Botox injections in my massers to sort of like knock out those muscles so that I can't clench with such um power. And I've had it done before, it's amazing. As soon as I get it in, it's like whew, stops, okay, and I start sleeping. And so I went a couple weeks ago for like a biannual top-up. You get it done twice a year about that, and they botched it, they fucked it up like super bad. I had a different nurse working with me on my face than usual, and they gave me a different dose for some reason and lined it up incorrectly, and they botched it so bad that they didn't take out the muscles that have to do with clenching, but they took out the muscles that have to do with smiling, chewing, laughing. And so half of my face is unable to move in terms of like smiling. I can't laugh, I can't chew, talking as hard as you can tell. Um, and like the things that I love the most food, talking, big belly busting laughter, it's become cumbersome and it can become quite painful. I can talk for like an hour and then I need to stop. And I have a hard time eating things like granola bars. Like it's it's frustrating, and I don't need frustration in my life, right? Like nobody does. We all have a million balls in the air and a lot of things that we're trying to manage and do. And so this happened, and I was just like trying to like just get on with my life and like push through it. And I was exhausted. I was so tired for the weeks following it. I think because I wasn't sleeping as well, because you know, I was still clenching my jaw and I was in a lot of pain. And I found myself more and more like I was driven by a motor, like it felt like a wind-up toy. And as I got more and more tired, the more restless I became, and the harder it became for me to sit down. I would like sit down and be like, I'm gonna watch a movie and I'm gonna zone out and I would scroll through the entire movie, or I would get up and I would pace and I'd empty the dishwasher, like I was moving, moving, moving. And it wasn't until I finally let myself like lie down in the grass because I got to the point where I was like, I'm gonna collapse. Like I was just so tired, my eye was twitching, and I couldn't function. I was like, why do I feel like I haven't slept in three days? And so I lay down on the grass and I looked up at the trees as they were blowing in the wind. And it wasn't until I physically stopped and put my body on the ground that things started to finally bubble up. And I could feel my face like flush with rage, like my cheeks were getting hot, and my eyes were starting to sting because tears were starting to well up in them. And I felt this like mama bear fire start to grow deep down in my belly, and it was like ready to erupt because there was this part of me that wanted to scream, Are you fucking kidding me? Like, are you fucking kidding me? Because I'm looking at six months of heating pads on my face to sort of break, to try and break the Botox down as quick as possible. There's no proof that it works, but they said sometimes it does, but also just to relieve like the pain that I have in my face from talking and chewing and whatnot. Six months of heating pads, facial exercises, I gotta do a little massage on my jaw, painful bouts of laughter, and like I bite the inside of my cheek every time I sit down to eat something because my bite is off. And I still have to pay the bill for the fucking treatment. Like, they won't give me my money back. And it's like I'm still paying a bill for a service that I never received, that didn't fix the problem of me clenching at night, and also created a hell of a lot of problems for me for the next six months. And I was like, Are you fucking kidding me? And finally it was just like it all came out, and I just literally felt myself explode while lying on the grass, and I just started to cry. And I cried and cried and let it out. And I realized that this weight of my bottled-up anger and emotions was dragging me down into a pit of exhaustion. And there was all these like logistical acrobatics that I was performing on the daily to keep myself busy and to avoid the feelings that it was like, and that acrobatics, that constant going, going, going to keep myself from not stopping and looking at what was actually happening and feeling the feelings associated with it were making me more tired. And that's because when we avoid our feelings, they carry weight, they carry big weight. And the longer that we avoid them and the longer that we hold on to them, the heavier it becomes. And rest resistance is our brain wanting to avoid what we will feel. We know that there's some feeling in there, and our brain's like, this is not gonna feel good. So we're gonna keep busy and we're not gonna look at, you know, we're not gonna not gonna look at what's happening. And we don't want to sit face to face with it. We just keep ourselves going because if your body's at motion and it's not at rest, you don't really have idle space in your brain to self-reflect or to experience. And our brain, love it to bits. It thinks it's doing a great job, right? It's helping you to avoid feeling like crap in the short term, but really what it's doing is just like stocking up some heavy shit to slam you with at a later date. And it's gonna be a bigger fallout because it's going to be like an accumulated, an accumulated weight of emotional, like tidal wave, right? So when you find yourself exhausted and craving rest, but also not slowing down or stopping, and you're in that energizer bunny state, it is a sign that something else is going on and that you're in an active and exhaustive state of rest resistance. And that's when we dive into those radical self-reflection questions, right? And we make the brave choice to do something different. And I want you to remember that bravery starts small. We often think that we have, you know, we should have immediate effects and dramatic changes overnight. But the truth is, what you're doing and how you're living and what you're experiencing has likely been with you for a very long time. And your brain is very comfortable with it. And so now, instead of completely shocking your system, we need to plant seeds of new skills, of new beliefs and new behaviors. But after you plant the seeds, don't forget you need to water them and you need to nurture them. So taking that courageous step to move beyond uh exhaustion and to move into rest. It doesn't mean upending your life and doing things dramatically different. It means taking that tiny, tiny step to make space in the soil to plant a new seed. You deserve rest. You deserve to have and to do all the things that you desire. You deserve mental peace. And you deserve emotional clearing for sure. Most of all, you deserve to be fully present, engaged, and energized by your life, not dragged down by it. So take that first step and reach out, tap the link in my show notes, book your complimentary first session with me because you can change and you can live in a way that feels good and supports you on your path. You just have to take that first small brave step. It's that one step that changes everything. I hope you find many moments of peace and ease and rest in your summer. I hope you find space to take time off, to read, to dip your toes in the water, to lie on your back in the grass and watch the leaves move. I hope that you find space and time to do the things that your soul is calling out to do, and that you support yourself through it. And that you get the support you need to continue on your journey as you do that. Sign up for weekly emails, hang out on TikTok and Instagram for daily tips, book a free taster session, whatever feels right to you, take that first step, start your rest resistance recovery and begin that journey into a completely new way of living and being. Before we wrap up this episode, I have one small favor to ask you. Please share this episode with those that you think would benefit from it. And take a minute before you hit stop on this episode. Whatever app you're in, whether it's Spotify or Apple, take a minute to leave a rating and a review of the podcast. It really, really helps with search engine results. It really helps people find the podcast. It helps grow the podcast. Algorithms are like a beast, and you know what? Together we can beat the algorithm. I thank you in advance for every rating, review, and act of support that you have with sharing the podcast. It means a lot to me. Until next time, go forth, kick some ass, and I will talk to you soon.