Malcolm and Tana explore an aspect of ADHD that really affects Malcolm: hyperfixation. What does it mean to be hyperfocused or task paralyzed? How does this affect your daily life? What in the world are Smoked Cheez-Its? We explore these pressing questions - and more.
Malcolm and Tana explore an aspect of ADHD that really affects Malcolm: hyperfixation. What does it mean to be hyperfocused or task paralyzed? How does this affect your daily life? What in the world are Smoked Cheez-Its? We explore these pressing questions - and more.
All right, so, uh, how was your weekend? How was your week? It was good. My parents weren't home this week, so I got to do whatever I wanted. So you threw a rager? I threw a rager. I ate all the candy in the house, threw up multiple times. Um. I know you didn't eat all the candy in the house. Because I have some well hidden. Mmm. Who are you hiding it from? And it's still there. Anyone but me. But who's looking for it? I don't know. It used to be just because of the dog. Is Jude still all the prowl? I couldn't just leave stuff out. Even if I put it in like Even as a ghost she's taking your candy. Yes, yes. Even if I put it in like a Basket on a shelf or something. She would sniff it out and then like tear apart the basket to get the yeah. So I think it's just to get the yeah. Um, so I think it's just habit at this point, but I always, I always think to myself, it's going to be, it'd be really interesting. Um, if I die first, Don's going to find candy for months. It's like, um, when you, like, uh, move out of your house or something and you keep finding, like, random Legos or something, just, like, in random spaces or random coins or something. Like, there's always that one thing in someone's house that you'll find forever as you're moving out. Yeah, I, um, when I was Uh, got, became unemployed last year and I had a lot of time on my hands. Uh, I did like a ton of cleaning and the things I found like, because you don't really like on a normal basis go through all your drawers and, you know, boxes and stuff and I was just like, oh yeah, I've been looking for this or, you know, oh I bought a new one because I couldn't find it, you know. Yeah. Yeah, it's annoying about stuff but anyway. Yeah. So you, uh, had a good Thanksgiving? Do you have a good Thanksgiving? Yeah, uh, so, um, uh, my brother and sister in law, your uncle and aunt, uh, hosted. So, you know, my, my mom doesn't cook Thanksgiving dinner anymore. Uh, so they, they hosted and, uh, First of all, everything that was made was delicious. But, uh, I was laughing at my brother because he was smoking Cheez Its. And I don't mean like he was smoking them like you smoke cigarettes. I mean like he was, he had a smoker. And when, the moment I walked in the door, he was panicking, running out of the house, going, I need to get outside! And I was like, what the hell? What the heck is happening? But, um, yeah, so, like, you season and smoke Cheez Its, and they're actually really delicious. That actually does sound good. It was really good. I was just like, why would you smoke Cheez Its? But, yeah. No, I thought you meant he was putting it in His, uh, like pen. Yeah, crushing up Cheez Its and putting it in his mouth. Making a Cheez It liquid. Honestly, the worst part is that it would probably sell pretty well. Uh, maybe. If they started making like, Sour Patch pens and Did you hear about the Doritos, uh, the like, silent, the silencer for Doritos on like, gaming microphones? No. So, I forget what company it was, but, so, like, very specifically, they were saying, like, lots of gamers eat Doritos while they're playing, and, you know, you have a headset, and so It's like the worst snack to eat because it's so fucking messy, but I know, and you can hear crunching, and, you know, so they made a headset that has, like, some specifically tuned frequency to eliminate the crunch of Doritos. That is the best thing that no one needs. That is amazing. When they introduced the new story, um, they said, silent Doritos, and I was like, did they manage to make Doritos that don't crunch? Like, how would that even work? How would that, like, you know? It's like when, when chips get really stale. Yeah, that's all I could think of. They'd be like, chewy Doritos. All for your gaming needs. Um. No, it just reminds me of the, of the picture that, um, my friend showed me at one point at work. He showed me this picture of, uh, cause he was, he was like, this haunts me to this day. So now it's time for it to haunt you. He showed me this picture of like this kid whose hands are just covered. In like Cheeto and Dorito and like all of that stuff and it's holding a controller and the controller is like smeared with it And I am sitting there like crying for the rest of the shift because I don't know what to do with this information You monster! Because I don't like take amazing care of my controllers but I at least make sure there's like nothing on my hands or anything like that Like I'm not like washing it every day but I'm also not like Pulling something out of the bag and then just slapping my dirty hands on the controller, right? Yeah No, couldn't do that. Yeah, that's too scary. So so anyway for me, it was nice to see family Actually spent a week there which Which was really great Um, really enjoyed, um, hanging out and I want to give, um, a shout out to my sister in law. I just try not to name people by name on this, you know, just to be safe, I guess. I don't know. Um, I guess cause I also haven't asked permission to name anybody, but hey, sister in law, you know who you are. How you doing? podcast. Yeah. Yeah. So thanks for listening. Yeah, I, I also, I've been doing, I also this week for some reason done like a lot of research on myself. Huh? I've done research on myself. Not like I'm looking at, hey Malcolm Schiewer. You're Googling Malcolm Schiewer? No. I'm uh, like, cause like for one thing I have like adult cradle cap. And I started getting like dry patches on, on like my legs and stuff like that. So I was looking up stuff about like psoriasis and stuff, but I was also looking up stuff about ADHD and, um, I wasn't listening. Anyway, what? And, um, hyper fixation or like, uh, what I found was another. Uh, a good term for it was like task paralysis, where like you can only do that task and you can't do anything else. And I got a lot of my information from, uh, this YouTube channel that's called, uh, Healthy Gamer GG. He's a, a streamer that's also like Harvard graduate therapists, um, and you know he posts a lot of, he posts a lot of video game stuff and he posts a lot of therapy stuff. It's a very Perfect combination of videos for me to watch on YouTube. Anyways, but I was just watching the video about, like, ADHD and he was talking about task paralysis, about how people will it'll be like in the morning and people get a notification or something that their package is supposed to arrive at 8 p. m. So then some people with ADHD just can't do anything else until they get that package 12 hours later in the mail. because it's all that they can think about. And I've realized that that is such like, like a thing for you. Yeah, it's such a big thing for me. And it's really annoying because it's usually something where you either Can't avoid, or you're looking forward to, or that you want to do, like, you can, it's really hard to try and drive it towards something actually productive, because, like, why would your mind latch onto something that you don't find entertaining, so, uh, there are some ways to, like, try and, I didn't really look at them yet, but there are some ways to try and Like, guide your task paralysis or your hyper focusing onto a task. And for some people it works, for some people it doesn't work. Stuff that I've tried before wasn't specifically geared towards ADHD, and so it didn't, I don't know if that's why it didn't work for me, or if it's just because that stuff doesn't work for me, but like, I don't know, it can be really annoying, and sometimes, just for life in general, it can be debilitating. Because Um, just be completely unfocused, like, at work, because I'm constantly thinking about it. I went through a bad period of depression at one point because I had people say that I was obsessed with certain things. But it was just, I, like, have realized over time that it's just because my brain would just focus on stuff constantly. Mhm. And so I can't fall asleep because I'm focused on it, um, so I have really bad insomnia, I, uh, can't do other things very efficiently, like maybe I can do something for about 15 minutes and then I have to stop, because I can't, I can only focus on that other thing, I just, I just can't. I don't know why. It's, even stuff that I want to do, sometimes, I can't do because I'm hyper focused on something else. Hmm. I, do you still keep a, a note, like, a notebook? Like, um, I remember you had this issue in middle school. And you used to keep a notebook and write down your thoughts at night to try to get them out. Cause you couldn't, you couldn't fall asleep cause your brain wouldn't stop. I think I tried again for a little bit. Mmhmm. But, overall, I just learned to just bring my task with me in bed, and that honestly felt better than Oh, yeah? Yeah. I remember you wrote, like, you were really into, um, specific kind of physics at the time, I think. Quantum physics? Quantum physics, yeah. And then also you and your friend were talking about time travel a lot, and like you showed me your notebook one morning, and you're like, yeah, I just, you know, kept working on the problem of time travel, and you had like all these equations and notes and stuff, and I was like, okay! Blame Pop Pop, too, because Pop Pop gave me all those, uh, quantum theory books, as well. Those were the things I was looking through while writing down my notes. I forgot, yeah. Meanwhile, I was struggling to turn in my 8th grade writing project for history class. Right, right. But then you did an independent study in quantum physics. Yup. Um. Your brain is an anomaly. Yeah, I, it's honestly very frustrating because that's what would happen a lot in school is I would excel a lot in one class because that's the class that my brain would be focused on. And then my other classes, um, some of them I could get past just because I think I was just base Smart enough in that area to just be able to off the riff do stuff like math class. I could do that I didn't need to I I was the kid that like didn't pay attention and the teacher would call on me and I would still Know the answer Cuz I'm able to just I hate that kid Well, I mean, you just look at the equation and you solve the equation. Right, yeah. For me, that's the same. Like, math is easy. That was, yeah. Didn't have to focus much. But then stuff like writing, I never, I can never focus on writing. Um, you're not alone in that. That's pretty common. But, well, I mean, I can't even, like, I can't even focus on, on checking my work. Like, I will look over the same mistake, like so many times, over and over and over again, never realize it, and someone points it out to me, and then I feel like an idiot. And, um. You know, that's, that's, uh, that's also common, because you read what you expect to see. That's fair. Uh, and so when I was teaching, uh, college composition and we had student conferences, the student would come to my office, my, my cubicle rather, and, uh, I would have them read their paper out loud in the places where there was Some kind of mistake because the process of reading it out loud forced them to actually read the words instead of what they thought they had written. It's like going on social media and reading somebody's double paragraph that has zero punctuation in it and Well, it's very different from that, but I understand. No. It just, that happened to me yesterday, and I was just reading somebody's posts of like some theory on Star Wars or something, and I was, I was having a stroke. I was like, I can't, I don't know what's going on. And someone else commented, like, this is interesting, but have you tried punctuation before? It's this new fangled thing. Yeah, you know, sidebar, uh, that. It's, it's funny because people, um, So there's people who like constantly correct other people's grammar, right? And then there are people who are like, it doesn't matter, you understand what I'm saying. I'm in between. I'm, I, I kind of am too. And as, you know, and a lot of linguists will actually say that language is descriptive, not prescriptive. In that, like, we add words to the dictionary because people are using them. And like, so people get like upset and they'll be like, Oh my God, I can't believe they added this to the library, to the dictionary. But a dictionary has always been that it's been a collection of words that people use. It's not Words are made up. Right. It's not a prescriptive thing. And so, um, I used to be very like, Oh, go around and correct people's grammar. But then over time I realized like as long as they're being understood, It doesn't, it doesn't matter if it's perfect, right? But there are times when I'm reading and incorrect punctuation and incorrect grammar trips my brain up and I can't understand what the person is saying. It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle Jack off a horse. Yes. Yep. Uh, the, the panda eats, shoots, and leaves. Laughter. And also, the Oxford comma is only ever illuminating. We should always use it. Thank you very much. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, I never understood why there is Is or isn't the Oxford comma, there just, it, there shouldn't even be a name for it, it should just be, it's, it should be there, it should be a thing, that's it, there are times, there are times when not having the comma makes something confusing, but, there's never a point, there's never a point where having the comma makes things confusing, so, just use the freaking comma, okay, anyways, I digress, I don't have very strong feelings on that matter, um, no, I, honestly, Those things also kind of suck with ADHD, too, because sometimes then you're like, wait, what if this person meant this thing? And then that's, and then you just, just exactly different directions. Exactly. And that's, um, I don't think I ever associated that with ADHD, but that is one of the problems I have. Um, I always struggled. I say struggle, but it was just like one of my weaker subjects, but wasn't terrible. You know what I mean? Uh, with reading comprehension, because I would read something. First of all, often I would just kind of glaze over and I would have to reread it like four times before I actually, you know, absorbed it. But there are times when I'm like, I'm like, well, you could read that either way. Like, it could be this, or it could be that, and I come up, I do that all the time, and then people get irritated with me, and they're like, well obviously it means this, and I'm like, is that obvious? I don't know. And I actually got, I actually would like, frustrate my teachers, um, in middle school because true or false tests. I had this too. Oh my gosh! I'd be like, well, it's true if A, but if B, it's false. And they would be like, just answer the question. And I'm like, I can't, I can't. You asked a poor question. You worded it poorly. And so I cannot, you know. Pretty sure I came to you with that one time in middle school. Yeah. Because I was, I was just like, I do not understand this because there isn't, I was like, do I circle both? Like, is this a trick question? Right, right. That's when you do the T, like you put a tiny little line. So like, it looks like maybe you were writing an F, but you just didn't do it very well. Or it's just a T with a blob. And I also hate reading comprehension ones where you have to select the word that fits in. Cause I'm like, A, what if I just don't know the word? Like I don't have. Just the vast vocabulary of English language in my brain. Yeah. For one. It also has the most random words that no one has ever used in their entire life. Oh yeah, can we talk about the SATs? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. The SATs, they do not actually test your intelligence. I think they do to a point, but there are times when it's like, Oh, this word is to this word as that word is to that word. And you're like, I don't know three of these words. So how am I supposed to know? And that's not a test of your intelligence. That's a test of what words you've learned. You know what I mean? Like, and I, that to me, that tests like that are just so dumb. There's, there have also been, there was one in the SAT or, I didn't take the SAT, the PSAT that I took. Where it could have been two of the words. Mm hmm. Based on the context. Mm hmm. I was just like, Yeah, yeah. That's another thing. Oh my gosh, the PSAT was the worst with my Hyper focusing brain? There were so many questions I didn't answer because I just Because you were just like stuck on one. I ran out of time. You're like, I need to figure this out. I do that sometimes. Well, no, I don't, I didn't focus on the question. I couldn't focus on the test. Oh, I see. And so I ran out of time for a lot of it. Um, I did, I did kind of figure out that I can just like skip every question. Like I would just, um, I would skip the question and then, uh, Go back if I still had time. So I would answer all the really easy questions or the ones that like came to me immediately. That's actually a good technique. And then if I ran out of time, I would just fill in all the bubbles for the ones, like, randomly that, for the ones I didn't answer. See for everything. So. Yeah, yeah, that's actually a good approach. Do the, yeah, because then you don't want to miss out on an easy answer. Yeah, so. It also makes me think of, uh, um, Psyche, where Shawn always, for the one teacher, would answer C, or something like that, every third question, because she automatically patterned it that way. Yeah. Um. Yep. No, there's, there's always things, things like that, and sometimes ADHD helps with that stuff. Like, anytime that I would focus, I would get focused on a test, or, I mean, there were definitely times where I got focused on a math test, and since I'm already good at math and I'm focused on it, I'll, I'll complete a, like, one of those multi, like, the packet Page tests in like five minutes and turn it in. And the best part about my school is I was able to just leave class then. So I would just, I would just leave after five minutes. I always found it kind of funny that I went on to get a PhD in rhetoric and writing because that was actually my weakest test scores. My, I scored really, really well in math and, Just because you're good at it doesn't mean you like it. I like math, but I like logic puzzles and math is just a logic puzzle. Yeah. I like logic. I actually have one of those books with logic puzzles in them, but I get very frustrated if I can't figure it out. Like I just get extremely, and that's, that tends to be where I kind of hyper focus on something, but I've always associated that with my competitive side and my, my need to prove that I can do something. I know. I have my hyper focusing on the same level of like, like mania type stuff where it would be like, you know, manias like you have like two weeks of being super happy and then like six months of not. I'm being depressed or something. I have that for hyper focusing. Like I'll have two weeks where I can only focus on this one thing. I don't know why it lasts so long for me, but it takes forever. And then after that, I just like, can't do anything. You know, this, this makes me think about just in general, about how our brains work. Um, we have, we have kind of in American society, a, I'm sorry, In the United States, uh, this kind of typical, um, expectation of how people should work. In a cubicle, eight hours, five days of the week. I meant more so like how a human being should function in the world, but, but that too. But, and it tends to be, you know, it's kind of like, um, Uh, car safety features that were always based on a, like, you know, 5'11 male or something like that. So, like, women would be, you know, you know, if you're a woman, sucks to be you, you know. Um Or you have someone like The Rock get into the car. Right, yeah. Uh, so Yeah, so everything, the way our society functions is basically based on like white, middle class, mostly male kind of stuff. And so if you don't understand how to communicate in that sort of, um, pattern, then you are deemed deficient. Yeah. And that is incredibly frustrating because that's how school is set up, and then if you don't excel at school, then you're deemed to be stupid or lazy, and then, um, if you don't excel in high school, well then you might not do well in college, and you know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's what I really liked about what HealthyGamerGG said. I wish I knew his actual name because it feels weird using him by his handle. But, uh, he said that he doesn't believe procrastination is something that happens to you. He said that he only thinks of procrastination as purposeful. So you are purposely putting something off because you are procrastinating. But, if your brain literally can't Do the thing and is putting it off with whether you are whether you want to or not Then that's not procrastination. That's not your fault. And that oh my gosh the level of validation And like we're not validation. I don't know how to maybe it is validation. I don't know It was just like this level of like all of this stress that I was holding that I was like this super bad Procrastinator and like right that I was just this horrible person for having procrastination issues just, just flooded away. So I have to confess that my brain totally went somewhere else for a moment and I did not hear what he said about procrastination. What did he say about procrastination? So he said that procrastination is something that you decide. So procrastination is purposeful. Hmm. Okay. And, but then he believes that something like, uh, like hyperfixation or Oh, okay. Is, it's, that's not your fault because you're not purposely putting off something. Your brain literally cannot focus on that thing. It's intent versus not having intent of doing, okay. Yeah. It's because, I mean, if you don't have control over it, that means you're not procrastinating. Yeah. That just means that the activity isn't getting, isn't getting done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's, yeah, that's interesting because after we did that perfectionism episode and we talked about how I'm a procrastinating perfectionist. Yeah. And it helped me understand so much more of like Why I put things off and and also how it's I think sometimes people just think that you should be able to Like flip a switch in your brain and just not procrastinate It's actually it's exhausting to To try to get yourself to function in the way the world expects you to function. If that's not your natural tendency. Yeah. As I said, that like it can be debilitating. It can be. I, I just sometimes don't know what to do with myself. I understand that. Cause that's why it's also been so horrible. Like working at the zoo and the coffee shop. Um, both of them would give me the schedule like the day before and one, the schedules are not that hard to make, even with the amount of people that work at the zoo, it's still not that hard to make. I did it once for the zoo and completed it so fast, but like I said, I'm good at logic puzzles and that the schedule is basically a logic puzzle, but it's still just like, I don't know. I just. Like, I have to prepare for something. Because if I don't prepare for it, then my brain is already prepared for something else. Yeah. And so it was almost like I had to prepare to work all day, every day. Right. Which also was stressful on my brain. Well, that's, that's just not good management. You don't give your employees the schedule the day before the week starts. That's just bad. That's just poor. If you're a manager and you're doing that, please stop. Like, because all your employees hate you right now. Yeah, no kidding. Especially those with like a family. Yeah. I hate that. I hate, I hate the idea that work should be everything that I feel like that idea is, is dissipating as, You know, different generations become the main working people and stuff. But there is, there is this persistent idea that like, work, work takes over all, and it doesn't matter if it interrupts your personal life. And, and it's amazing to me that, that we put up with this mindset for as long as we did. Because nobody pays enough, nobody pays enough to own your entire life. The amount of Times that I've been like, okay, it's Saturday night. I like it's 8 p. m I am probably working at like in the morning tomorrow, but I haven't gotten the schedule yet I'm just not coming in tomorrow. And then I just end up coming in anyways, because yeah, but you know what they they Shouldn't be surprised if you didn't yeah I mean, you know, I just, I hate this idea that you have to put your whole life on hold for your job. Your job is supposed to be about 40 hours of your week. I just, for the past, um, Two years? I've, it's sucked because like, I would tell my friends, I'm like, I have no idea what days I'm off or not. Yeah. So I don't know what, when I can do stuff. Well, and like, what does it do for like, if you have to go to the doctor or like, you know, it's just, yeah, it's. It's such an irritating thing about American culture, and honestly, 40 hours is too much. Especially since we're supposed to give them, like, a two to three weeks notice if we're going on a trip or something. Right, yeah. And I'm like, bullshit, you don't even look at the crap until the day before you're doing the schedule. Like, give me the same respect then. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, if you, if you want three weeks of time, then that usually means that you should have three weeks of schedules out. Right. Because that's the only reason why you'd want it three weeks in advance. It's that way, you don't have to change the schedule. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. But now we're just yelling about Yes, we are. Poor management. Um, so, Yeah, so, the hyper focus thing, it's interesting to me, and it got me thinking about, you know, like I said, about how we're expected to interact with each other and what People expect, um, behavior wise and it wrote, it kind of reminded me of this thing I was watching this week and I'm really not sure how people are going to feel about this, but, uh, there's, there's a TikToker, uh, the username is Bronte and, um, she has this viral series of, um, things that men do before company is about to come over. And this was funny to me. This was like eye opening to me because Uh, as far as I know, none of the men in my life do this particular thing, which is Uh, you know, say like they're preparing for Thanksgiving dinner in a, in a typical heterosexual marriage, the woman will be slaving away and making the turkey and, you know, and the man will do like some random task that has nothing to do with people coming over. And so women were sharing what their husbands were doing. And it was like, It made zero sense to me. So, like, one of them was power washing the driveway. Um, another was, uh Do that after people leave. Well, like, another one was Oh, I wish I I wish I had written down some of these examples, because some of them were just mind blowing. Like, you know, one was, like, detailing his car. Uh, another one was fixing something in the attic, you know. Another one decided to go clean out the garage and reorganize it. The only time that those things make sense is if people If as if like at least some of the party is purposely coming over for that thing, right? Yeah, like oh, there's there's a couple people coming over and they want to check out your new car. So you're gonna yeah, right Yeah, but if people are just coming over and your car is just parked in the garage and no one's gonna walk in there And you're like, yeah, I'm just gonna go detail the car real quick. Yeah, it's just it was just the most bizarre things that people People were saying, um, oh, no, darn it. I thought pulling this up would have, uh, would have examples, but this one didn't. But it is, it's, it's very, it's a very funny, uh, series. And, and that just makes me think, like, this was such a universal thing among women. I wonder what Shelby would say. She had, oh you seem helpful, she had thousands upon thousands of comments of like, oh my, right now my husband's doing this, you know, oh we're having people over and he's doing that, and like, and it was just the most bizarre stuff, right? Uh, but it was, since it's so universal, I'm wondering what, like, what brain chemistry thing is going on there? You know what I mean? Like, is it, is it that in a lot of these typical relationships, cause I'm guessing in these types of marriages, they probably were raised in a more traditional, um, conservative parenting household where like the woman did all the like cooking and cleaning, you know? And so they were just like, well, I don't want to help with that. And so their brain was like, Oh, but what would be efficient is doing this. This needs to be done, you know? Or if, I don't know, I'm just, I'm really curious what, what, uh, brain chemistry is going on there. I wonder if some of it as well, cause some of it for like, Shelby and I is sometimes she feels like she needs to prepare for stuff And I feel like I can do everything within 15 minutes of people getting here Yeah, so then she'll she'll go and do stuff, and I'm just sitting there like yeah, so Shelby will be up here and like preparing for people to come over and I'll be downstairs lollygagging so I feel like I can get everything done within 15. Oh, your dad is like that. 10 minutes, yeah. Yeah. Unless it's D& D, because D& D, I'm the DM, so I actually come up before Shelby wants to. Yeah. But that's about it. Yeah, but my dad, uh, like, Growing up, my dad was always, he wasn't, typically my mom would be cleaning. Like she would want to do, she would want the house to be clean. Right. And my recollection was that dad never really did that part. Um, so she would enlist us kids, you know, like you vacuum the living room and you set the table, you do that. But my dad would, would. Um, but he never went and did some bizarre other thing, you know, and your dad, like, he doesn't go like, Oh, I'm gonna go fix the shingles on the roof. You know? I mean, he wouldn't do that in a normal day. Maybe that's why, but like, I don't know. So, and then my observation, it could be wrong. I don't know, but my observation of, your uncle, um, and aunt is that, you know, it seemed to be, they were doing stuff together and, you know, that's how it, that's the impression I always get. There is that they're, they're pretty well sharing things. Um, hopefully my sister in law is not like cackling in her car right now. But yeah, so that was just such an interesting thing to me. So yeah, stuff like that. Like, so why do we, why do we hyper focus? Why can't we, you know, concentrate on these things? Why, why do these men do these things on, you know, at weird times, you know? Uh, and then, and I know some of it is environmental. Yeah. Some of it is, Oh, what do they call it? Um, basically is the way you were like trained, right? Like there's still a lot of. Um, heterosexual couples where they were kind of trained that the woman does the domestic work and the, you know, and, um, women also have a tendency to keep everything in their heads and do all the mental labor and, you know, emotional labor and all that stuff. And so I know some of that is like how, I know training is not the right word, but I can't think of the right word. Um, like it was basically how they were brought up and socialized to, you know, to behave. But Hyper focus doesn't seem like a socialization thing, you know? And then also, why are so many things, if this is a consistent problem with kids to pay attention, to do this, to do that, why is school set up the way it is? And why do we, why do we punish people for not, like, I mean. We expect children to sit still that long indoors, and they, there's more and more schools that take away recess for younger grades and, you know, and it's like, I don't know. Kids should set up a union. Yeah. There is a student union in colleges. It's, I don't think it's, anyway. Um. Yeah, cause, what, kids work 40 hours in school and then another, and then do homework, and then another like 10 hours outside of school? Yeah, it's, I, it's really absurd when you think about it. I mean, they're stuck in this building all day long. They get a lot of times because they're trying to constantly pack, uh, academics in, they, they get like a short lunch break. Um, yeah, half an hour, half an hour lunch. I mean, most of us as an employee would be. Ticked off if we only got a half hour for lunch. I, that's, I, that's all I've ever had. Um, sorry, I mean, like, office workers, like, usually get an hour. Yeah, no, I, I'll, I'll stand outside for eight hours and only have half an hour of it be lunch, so. Yeah. And that's like, and that's, that can be ridiculous in certain circumstances. It is. If you have to go, like, if, if part of your half hour is spent walking to the break room so you can get your food and, you know. Yeah, it's It's crazy. I don't know. So yeah, so the, you know, I wish I had a solution for all this, but how do you deal with all these brains working differently? You know? Uh, accommodate. Yeah, but, then you have issues of like, who accommodates whom? You know, I think in certain school situations, there's ways to do accommodations for the students, but like in workplace situations, when, you know I don't know, I, I really don't find it to be that hard. Because there are definitely, even between the two departments at the zoo, that Shelby and I have worked in, Shelby and I have both worked in park ops, and then Shelby has worked in the education department as well. Park ops, you can't sit, you can't, you can't, um, read, you can't do basically anything. You just have to stand there and just Wait for customers. Yep, the whole time. Um, even if it doesn't matter the temperature or like what the conditions are outside. Right. Um, but then for education, they are able to sit down. They're able to read. They're able to, like, do some other activity while they're waiting for guests. Mm hmm. And I think that would, like, that's such a simple solution. Yeah. For so many people, because if people are fine with just standing there and waiting, they can just stand there and wait. If people, like, need to do something, they can sit down and read. If people, you know, can't stand for eight hours because that's unhealthy for your body, Right. Then, they can sit down. Right. No, I think some accommodations are easy like that. Well, yeah, you can never There are other things that I think, like, the way that someone's brain works might clash with the way their co worker's brain works, and then what do you do when they're like, well, we, I think the meeting should be run like this. Well, I think the meeting should be run like that. And, like, one person is gonna end up struggling to follow. I mean It's going to have to figure it out based on the workplace and who's there. I mean, you, especially like, I think the number one thing is getting an official document from a psychiatrist, uh, or if you have like a physical disability, then from a doctor. Um, so a doctor of some sort. Right. That says What you have and what you need for it to accommodate and you can't ever accommodate everyone, but you want to eliminate the most stressful things. Well, here's the sad thing. There are still people in the workplace who think these kinds of accommodations are dumb. Yeah, well, they can go fuck themselves. Well, but when that person is your boss, that makes things difficult, you know. And that's when I quit. Well, but that's not something everybody can do. I mean, I was unemployed for a year and a half. Yeah. You know, I, I, so I'm not, I don't have, I don't have the desire to just quit something cause I don't feel like working there anymore because I don't want to be unemployed for a year and a half again, you know? So, so yeah, there are just certain, what's, What's frustrating is there are certain people now who are just like, Oh, you don't need just basically just pushing you to work, work, work, work. Um, and if you need accommodations, that's something they don't want to have to deal with. Or even there's sometimes bosses that have the same thing you do, but it's significantly less severe. Right. Well, I managed it. Why can't you? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's Like, I had a child that was able to be taken care of by my entire 50 extended family. Right. Versus you who live alone in your studio apartment with your baby. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So, I don't know. I guess the conclusion I'm drawing from this This is one, if you are hyper focusing on things and that is causing you to quote unquote put off other things, maybe give yourself some grace to understand that your brain is functioning in a way that you wish it wouldn't, but you're not willing it to, you know. You are not making it. Do that. And also if you haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, then go see, maybe go, yeah, go see a psychiatrist and get di Yeah. Diagnosed with something because there are, um, medications that can help you with, there are stuff like that. And then if you don't want to take medication, there's also sometimes techniques that can work or depending on the severity of your Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, I mean, depends on the person. I just know some people who just really want to avoid medication. Yeah. You know? Um. Um, and then, um, two, uh, maybe be kind to people if they're, you know, if their, their way of thinking, uh, doesn't work for you. And I think what can be really difficult is when one person needs something that is in direct conflict with the, with what the other person needs. And then I think that becomes like you try to. You try to compromise. You know, either meet halfway, or sometimes person A gets what they want, and sometimes person B gets what they want, and, and, it, just try not to make it that, oh, person A always gets what they want. Yeah, try to Put yourself in the other person's shoes because, I mean, sometimes, especially with something maybe like autism, sometimes Very simple stuff can freak the hell out of that person That that's like a really big a big one. I've seen a lot is people who have Autism have some problem with something, but the job won't fix it. But it, and it causes a really bad trigger. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember, um, there was an episode of, uh, Parenthood. I think it was actually like the first episode or second. I don't know. Um, the There's, uh, the one couple's son gets diagnosed with autism and, and he had been exhibiting all these other symptoms and was basically having difficulties with being overstimulated and things like that. And the grandfather was just like, he should just, you know, stop it, you know, and they, and then they demonstrated how they like, you know, trying to. Kind of got him away from, from that. It was great. One of the first days I worked at the zoo, there was a little kid who was complaining to his grandfather about how bad his stomach felt and everything like that. And then grandfather was just like, oh, just suck it up and everything like that. We still have to go through the whole zoo. And then, bleh, all over the Did he puke on the grandfather? Please tell me you puked on the grandfather. I wish. But no, the point is, like, just don't, don't be either of those grandfathers. Yeah. You know, like, try to understand and try to not view everything as a weakness. Just because somebody's brain doesn't work the way yours works, it doesn't, that doesn't mean that they're inferior to you. You know? Yeah, here's a weakness, it's called your knees. Are you mocking me? No. Because of my bad knees? That was mean, Malcolm. I'm just thinking of some little kid running up to their grandfather and just cracking them in the knee. Yeah. Like, there's your weakness, Grandpa. Yeah, right. Yeah, why aren't you, have stronger bones, man. Yeah, gosh. Why weren't you just born better? Yeah, so, anyway. Drink your milk. Should have consumed more calcium, so that's on you. Yeah, so, anyway, don't be a jerk. Don't be a jerk. I feel like that's the end thing for a lot of our podcast episodes. Well, because there's so many jerks and we want them to stop being jerks. It's actually quite easy. It's sad that we keep having to reiterate it. It's like the, uh, the song about not being sad anymore. Somebody, what was, what's the lyrics? Like somebody walked up and said, don't be sad. And I said, holy shit, that's it. I'm cured. That's not, you can't do that with sadness, but you can do that with jerkiness. Yes, you can. Yeah. Um, well, there are some people like with BPD or something. Oh, okay. Fair, but fair for the most part. Right. Yeah. Um, yeah. So. Yeah, you can take medication and then stop being a dick. But really, a lot of it is within your control. Yes. Yes, it is. Even if it's something as simple as you do have something like BPD, you can actually go up to the person and be like, I'm sorry. Yeah, true. Like, I have this, and Yeah. Uh, can't always control it. And most of the time people understand. And if they don't understand, then they don't need to be your friend anyway. Yeah, also, fair. You don't, you don't have to keep exposing yourself to, yourself to people who are being jerks. Yep. Yeah. I mean, you shouldn't expose yourself to anybody. That's called an abusive relationship. Yes. Yeah. So, there's your even better advice for the week. Stop exposing yourself. All right. Well, it looks like it's getting to be about that time. Yeah. Well gotta go