Dirty Little Secret

Despite progress in recent years, stigma surrounding substance use disorders and mental health issues continues to be the “dirty little secret” of addiction.

While many people are using social media channels like TikTok and Instagram to talk about their experiences in recovery, plenty of others continue to be silent about it, even with friends and family.

For Leaf, being silent wasn’t an option. He says the very public nature of his rock-bottom moment and subsequent struggle meant he needed to have an equally public “redemption,” which meant going public with the details of his addiction and recovery.

“I don’t necessarily think that it helps that a lot of these fellowships have ‘anonymous’ attached to them,” he adds. “Getting sober is the proudest thing I’ve ever done, and I made it to the NFL. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done; so I wear it as a badge of honor.”

Dr. Shorter wonders what the medical profession contributes to the stigma and to the reluctance of patients in recovery to share their stories.

“Asking for help is the strongest thing you’ll ever do,” says Leaf. “But you need to do whatever you can to stay sober, whether that’s remaining anonymous or not. That’s the most important thing.

Follow The Menninger Clinic on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn to stay up to date on new Recovery Playbook episodes with Ryan Leaf and Daryl Shorter, M.D. To submit a topic for discussion, email podcast@menninger.edu. If you are a new or regular listener, please leave us a review on your favorite listening platform!

Visit www.menningerclinic.org to learn more about The Menninger Clinic’s research and leadership role in mental health.

Transcript

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 0:07

Hey there, welcome to the recovery playbook, brought to you by the Menninger Clinic, a national leader in mental health and addictions treatment, we're your hosts Dr. Barrel shorter.

Ryan Leaf: 0:16

And I'm Ryan leaf. Our goal is to elevate conversation about substance use and addictions for anyone who may be impacted, including family.

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 0:25

Our episodes will share real issues and the latest treatments and matters of interest to the recovery community. What's today's playbook topic, Ryan?

Ryan Leaf: 0:33

Our topic today is why when someone finds recovery, is it sometimes still kind of a dirty little secret?

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 0:43

It's interesting that we bring this up right now because I feel like with social media, with Instagram and Tiktok, there is kind of a growing movement of people talking about being in recovery, accessing mental health care goes into addictions, treatment, and yet, there's still this other side of it, where people are hiding and concealing and still living a life in secrecy.

Ryan Leaf: 1:06

Well, I think that continues to be the anchor of stigma, it just drags through society. You know, you look at the civil rights movement in the 60s, the changes that were made, we've seen significant change, of course, but it's still not to a place where it where it shouldn't be. And that could be the same thing when it comes to mental health and substance use disorder stigma. We shine a light on it now I may never ultimately see it come to fruition where somebody goes, that is a disease. Yeah. And we treat it as such. But what are you supposed to do, you're just supposed to, you know, I'm not, I'm not changing the thing. So I guess I'm just gonna quit. And so that's, that's the way I approach it. My recovery, my bottom was very pop was very public. So of course, if my public if my public destruction or fall was going to be so public, in my eyes, my ascension or redemption, or whatever you want to call, it was going to be very public too, because it needed to be to impact. So the stigma that carries usually affects those who a go into treatment, they want to do it quietly, no one needs to know. They hide it at home, maybe from family members, even to when you get out and you enter into some of these fellowships, I don't necessarily think it helps that a lot of these fellowships have anonymous attached to them. Not that I don't think that someone can go get help, and no one needs to know about it. But getting sober is the proudest thing I've ever done, and I've made it to the NFL. Yeah, it is, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. So I wear it as a badge of honor. And I want to carry that. And I found with this generation that we talked about the why this generation is more apt to shine a light on things. Explain why this is happening and what I did to correct it. And I think that's going to help move the conversation and drag people along who are still wearing that. That anchor is what we call stigma.

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 3:06

Yeah. And it's interesting, as you were talking, I was thinking about, Well, how am I culpable? Like, what is my contribution to this. And I think treatment programs may play into this by really trying to ensure that there's like privacy and secrecy for people because we can maybe be inadvertently contributing to the perpetuation of stigma by by supporting this anonymity that people are really sometimes seeking. Well,

Ryan Leaf: 3:32

I think haps as medical professionals, you have to walk a very fine line with HIPAA, the understanding of everything that goes on with that. But I think in those moments, when you talk to them about se, you want them to make them feel safe and secure. But you also want them to understand what you're doing is significant. And it's something you should be proud of. All right, this is something that we watched cancer survivors ring the bell after their finals, right? I mean, these are, these are public things. And if the continuation of conversation around this is a disease by making it public, when you find, you know, when you're in remission, I think that's a really positive thing. And it's something that should be championed, rather than, you know, you know, silenced because it it's viewed as something negative. We've said it before. No one, I use this as an example, a friend of mine who started a nonprofit, had a son who was dealing with substance use disorder, while another neighbor friend had a son who was dealing with a form of leukemia, and the Son and family that was dealing with the cancer diagnosis, were brought food and comforted and the son that was dealing with a substance use disorder people talked about behind their back, and that wasn't the application to it. And so I think that and I think where a lot of our conversations go here on the show is around stigma and trying to win eliminate that. And that's a big part of it. And we're going to shine a light on it. Absolutely. But as a medical professional, I assume that it's got it is a fine line to walk and navigate.

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 5:08

Yeah, I mean, I think one of the challenges that we've had in the field of medicine is really trying to figure out how can we reduce stigma. And we hope to do that by increasing education and having conversations about these things. But then, when we also are in some ways, asking our our patients and the families that we work with, to kind of remain in the shadows, as they deal with these things, it's it makes it difficult for people to find connection with, with other members of the community who might be experiencing something like that. So I'm just just kind of questioning what perhaps our role is in it as well. Well, I

Ryan Leaf: 5:40

also don't think that there's should be any way that you know, when someone comes in and fearful that somebody else may know, for anybody to pressure them to say, hey, you know, certainly so that. So like I said, it's a fine line now, in my case, is someone who doesn't work in the medical field, who usually is working with individuals as a sponsor, or someone as a mentor, I tend to land on the side of more tough love, like, hey, you know, what, I don't know. You know, when somebody says, I can't go to treatment, I'll lose my job, you're going to lose your job anyway. You don't understand it, I'll lose my family, you will lose your family anyway, if you don't get the help that you need. And so everybody's going to know about it. Asking for help is the strongest thing that you will ever do say that, again, for the people in the bass team for help is the strongest thing you will ever do. I'm a big, strong, strapping, strong football player. And me playing against, you know, the greatest, most physical defensive players in the world still doesn't make me as tough as what it was to when I finally could look myself in the mirror. So dude, you need help. And I'm going to ask somebody for that hill. So

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 6:45

what do you think people who don't necessarily want to get on social media who don't want to host a video podcast? What should those people do to to reduce the stigma and maybe their lives? Well,

Ryan Leaf: 6:59

first off, you should do whatever you need to do to stay sober. If that's being an anonymity, by all means, I would rather use sober safe than find something that could be any bit triggering to give you something that would affect your your remission. Absolutely. So if you're willing, and if you work in a recovery program, you usually have some sort of mentor, whatever that looks like in your fellowship. And my mentor simply is a gentleman that has over 35 years sobriety who I, you know, trust immensely. And so when I went to him and asked him if this was something that I should do publicly if there's something because of how public my crash and burn was, I wanted it, if I was going to do to give, inspire hope, if I could do that, and he was very honest with me, he just said, at any point, when we have discussions around, is this bringing back old behavior? Is this. Is this applying to an ego that once was, Is this more about ego than it is about helping people, then there's a problem? And there's a reason why you don't do it? So we've had discussions about that. And when we're open and honest about it, that's allowed me to do it, I have to take inventory. Yeah, about why I'm doing something, am I doing this show? So you at home can see me and see, hey, everything's great for Ryan, let's make it about Ryan, or am I doing this show with you, because I need to be educated. And I want to help someone who may be struggling, like I once was, there are, there are reasons of why you're doing it. And if you are honest with yourself, you understand why you would be public about your sobriety rather than not. So

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 8:37

the first thing is, stay in recovery, stay sober. If and if you have to be anonymous, in order to do that, then that's fine. That's ultimately, the number one two and three priority. And if part of your service is maybe stigma reduction, you don't have to do it publicly. You could do it very privately with maybe a close friend. But to do it with from with a spirit of trying to be of service to other people. It's kind of what I hear you saying,

Ryan Leaf: 9:07

yeah. And ultimately, one of the things that my sponsor told me and those of you who are in recovery, or who have been in and out or understand, he told me that the only way I can keep it is to give it away. And I didn't understand what that meant. And what he meant was, you now have this peaceful and chaotic life because of recovery. And the only way for you to keep that is to give it away. And so now that makes sense. So the only way I get to have the life of my dreams, which is ironic, because I thought the life of my dreams was playing football on Saturdays and Sundays are being star and rich and famous. The only way I get to keep this life of my dreams that I have right now is to give it away on how I got it. And so that's why I do it.

Dr. Daryl Shorter: 9:49

I think with that, nothing more needs to be said. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next time.