27 - Rosie Dumbrell - Everform Founder & Mum of 4

Rosie is a mum of 4 and for over a decade served as a physiotherapist, yoga instructor, and pre and postpartum fitness expert. This is where she noticed a lack of awareness regarding the significant impact of pelvic health on women’s wellbeing. Frustrated by this, Rosie went on to create science-backed compression wear that could revolutionise women’s comfort, confidence, and capacity to move their bodies. This journey led her to found Everform and the development of a patent-pending FemmeCore™  - an innovative medical compression system with targeted compression rations to optimise pelvic floor tone and function. 

On today's episode, you can expect to learn how Rosie hates being called superwoman despite juggling four kids, a growing business, and a husband, what she did to begin prioritising herself again and how impactful this has been on her family, why we are all worthwhile and how realising this sets a powerful example for our kids, and why her sex life is the best it’s ever been after having 4 kids! 

References: 

• Everform Therapywear 
• Yara Heary - Life After Birth Psychology
• Dr Sophie Brock - The Sociology of Motherhood

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Transcript

Will Slater: 0:03

Hello and welcome to another episode of the b&b corner with Rosie Dumbo. Rosie is a mom of four and for over a decade served as a physiotherapist, yoga instructor and pre and postpartum fitness expert. This is where she noticed a lack of awareness regarding the significant impact of pelvic health on women's well being frustrated, Rosie went on to create sites but compression where that could revolutionize women's comfort, confidence and capacity to move their body. This journey led her to found ever form and the development of patent pending femme core an innovative medical compression system with targeted compression ratios to optimize pelvic floor tone and function. On today's episode, you can expect to learn how Rosie hates being called Superwoman. Despite juggling four kids, a growing business and the husband. What she did to begin prioritizing herself again and how impactful this has been on her family. While we're all worthwhile, and how realizing this sets a powerful example for our kids, and why her sex life is the best it's ever been after having four kids. This episode was a lot of fun and taught us important lessons about what it means to show up for our family and take opportunities when they present themselves. Enjoy.

Stephanie Slater: 1:21

Hey, listeners, before we jump into today's episode of the b&b corner, a quick shout out to our startup asked me if you're a mom looking for personalized nutrition that fits into your busy life. Is it escalade.co Today, and stay tuned until the end for an exclusive offer just for our listeners.

Will Slater: 1:40

Taylor Swift in our household has been very, very much looking forward to speaking with you because Stephanie is already ready. This resonates resonates Rosie this there's a photo of you up on the bedroom. So I have been looking forward to speaking with you and I did I read something that you posted online. I'm not sure actually when you wrote it, but you said you've got four young kids, you wake up at 4am which I also do so we'll have to maybe share texts at 4am to see how we're both getting on. You work evenings you work weekends, you have a business. I'm sure there's a husband in there somewhere who slots in where each. You like a superwoman?

Stephanie Slater: 2:18

Oh, no, no, no, no, definitely not. When When will told me that? Because I hadn't read that blog. And I'm like, how hateful

Will Slater: 2:27

words were What do you mean? Oh, yeah, I

Stephanie Slater: 2:29

was like, What do you mean? Because the me I feel like I'm already working really hard. Like last, you know, we pick up the kids I try me really present with the kids. So when we pick up the kids from childcare to the time they go to bed, I try not to work, although yesterday at work while they were eating dinner, but then put them to bed and then I was working, we probably start working around 930. And then when we'll sit and then Rosie like she gets up before I haven't which will does. And I'm like but how I'm just so tired.

Rosie: 2:54

Well, I'm gonna like autocorrect here, because I am not getting up at 4am at the moment at the time of writing that. Just to like, you know, wring it all back did. But I've had to experiment a lot with like, how do I find time to do all the things that I want to and need to do because is there's more moisture than there is hours in the day really at the moment. And I'm the same as you, I really like to be present with my kids and really prioritize the time with my kids. And we've gone through a lot of different stuff with them different growth phases, our older boys, which is really challenging. So putting a lot of time and effort into that. And so I've had to really like experiment like what what makes me feel best, and how do I function best and I was just speaking to Steph before about a month like trying all these different like adaptogens and sort of different supplements and things like that to support a really hectic lifestyle, which

Stephanie Slater: 3:45

we're about to Yaffe and month have your own personalized supplement.

Unknown: 3:50

That's gonna be way better. Yeah, but so I've kind of I was getting up really early and I had this I've always had this huge passion for like wellness and before doing ever form my previous life as a physio but also owned a yoga studio, which I ran and sold before I had my second child and I've been really passionate about yoga and meditation and mindfulness for a really long time as well. So I'd get up at 4am and do it meditation like Wim Hof yoga, journaling, and then I just got like, oh, this world is not making good feel very well, because I'm not gonna get out of sleep yet. So I still do a lot of that stuff when I've really had to just, I'm such a perfectionist and such a like all or nothing kind of person. And I've really had to especially through the journey of having four kids, I've really had to just like tone it down a little bit and figure out like, what does wellness look like for now and what is like, this isn't gonna be balanced in and I think when we talk about balance, instead of it being like every day is perfectly balanced. It's like well, if we're having like an epically crazy week or month like then how do we kind of like recover after that? And so that the feel like, you know, the median is a little bit more balanced. But yeah, so now, what after a while, I realized that that was making me feel not great, actually. So I still don't get enough sleep. But I've kind of switched it more to working in the evenings. And I'll probably work till midnight and then get up at six. I'm trying to get at least six hours sleep. But I'll do one thing in the morning like a walk and meditation, yoga CIMS. One thing I've really liked, like just one thing, one thing a day instead of China. Like, yeah, you can think that term is, like their obsession with like health and wellness is like orthorexia, or, you know, when people are obsessed with like, eating healthy and doing all the things, it's actually unhealthy. I think my desire to like feel really calm and present and be super healthy, was stressing you out, stressing me out, as I'm like, if the kids interrupted me during my yoga, I'll be like, upset and I'm like, well, that's actually not yoga, I need to work out a way that I can just, you know, just go with the flow a little bit more. So it's been a really big lesson over the last couple of years, we've like came to my business just like surrendering to the flow a little bit more. And there are times where the body gives up, and you just have to have a rest and listen to it. So yeah, it's definitely not all. Not all 4am stuff at the moment, but I feel like that I am really good in the morning. And that's the peak time of the day where I feel like I function really well. It's not something that I will get back to, I think back to the year for and it's such a great hour of the day, I bloody love it. But when you haven't had a good night's sleep, that's the other thing that I found is like I can, you know, my kids are, you know, still in that phase of waking, but at nighttime, so to get up at 4am when you haven't had a good night's sleep just doesn't like great woman. Absolutely.

Stephanie Slater: 6:59

I, you've said so many wonderful things in that art. Because I think first thing is that, I feel like if you become obsessed with anything, it can become harmful. Because you just it has to look that way. It has to feel that way and sound and smell that way. And if it doesn't tick all those boxes, then you become really frustrated with yourself. And so I think the same thing with wellness. And it's kind of like what we spoke with Kate, the dietician a few weeks back, you don't have to be striving for 100% You just have to try and be better than maybe the day before or as you said, Okay, this week is crazy. So I know I can't get that in. But next week, I'll do more yoga, or I'll as I said, do one thing in the morning.

Unknown: 7:39

Yeah, I'm thankful I just try and do one thing for myself each day. And then I definitely can cope with the load of the work and family a lot better out that sort of sense of like, you know, you do they think that silly old saying about the oxygen mask and whatever. But I feel like as a female, it really conditioned like whether it's familial, cultural, socially, the above combined to put your own needs last. And I think when you do that, you end up feeling grumpy and resentful. Because either saying when I like for a number of years felt like I was the pond scum of the family like the bottom feeder, because I'm just always putting myself last and and that led to definitely wasn't feeling really great throughout that period. So I've done a lot of work on like, how do I meet my own needs? And how do I meet the needs of my family as well? Because I think we think that they're, they're in opposition to each other. But actually, they're, they're not I think we can, we can in a lot of cases meet both needs. And I think it is dropping that perfection, dropping some expectations doing the best you can.

Stephanie Slater: 8:49

So what did you implement at at that pond scum moment? Because I've had many upon scum moment actually. Like that, whilst hate that because, yeah, I think we've had such a horrible word. Absolutely. I've never heard that before. No, but it's, it's accurate. It's that thing that you feed everything above you, and you just kind of, you know, as you said, familiar with cultural society, or whatever it is working, we are conditioned that way. And we've had many conversations and you've done a lot of work to as we've talked about people who listen to this podcast, you know, you've tried to carry the bags, your own bags, or kids bags, maybe a little bit of mine. And that's we've come leaps and bounds in that area. But it's so hard to well first of all, not be resentful and move through that resentment and then go, what are the changes that I'm going to make and how do I feel okay with being selfish, because for me, it's like, selfish just has such a negative connotation.

Unknown: 9:45

It's not selfish. Well, if you if you can't, if you're if you're feeling like if you're feeling resentful, and you're feeling crap, like you can't, you can't give to anyone like that. So I've had that to really just shift the way that I think about it is the biggest thing like well if I'm not in a good space no one in my family is going to be in a good space because literally I'm the epicenter of everything and obviously, you know, both of the parents are but yeah, so that's a it was a Ruby mine shipped to me but I've done so much work. And a lot of psychology I've worked with that amazing. name is Gary here we are great like, specifically for postpartum psychology. Life after birth is her business. She's been my gosh,

Stephanie Slater: 10:36

I've been chatting with her through Instagram like just sometimes right back into stories on

Unknown: 10:40

your podcast. She is in phenomenal. I've actually got her up. Yeah, Dr. Sally Brock a year with her. So it's really understanding like what you know, sometimes because we think it's all our fault as well. I'm like, It's all my fault that I'm, I'm this way. And actually, it's no, it's so many layers. It's like watching what our parents did our mums did watching like my husband's parents and how they and I have done things. It's, you know, it's what we see in the media. It's like, it's so thick and deep. And we think that we think it's all our fault. And that's not and it's not my it's not my husband's fault. He's the most amazing and supporting, loving human being. But like, it took me till about a third child, I think to realize that I'm actually going to have to like, ask him to help and to step in war because I was like, no, no, no, no, I can do everything. I can do everything. Like I can do it all like I'm supposed to do it all but actually can't Yeah, actually can't so and then I was all even getting in his way of doing things. I'm like, no, no, no, no, it's like I think it took about as maternal gatekeeping so we put up all these like gates that were like, you know, we're in charge of it all and then actually no one can even come in and help you because they don't know what to do and you're not even you're not giving them the the owners or the autonomy to be able to help you and then you're like

Stephanie Slater: 11:58

oh, I just I'm not actually let

Unknown: 12:00

anyone in. So that's been a huge element of letting in more support. Yeah, and it's letting my husband do what he's very capable and willing to to actually,

Stephanie Slater: 12:11

I think once you give them the chance, I hadn't heard of maternal gatekeeping but that idea of Yeah, putting those walls up and going I've got this I've got it like you just stand back I've got this and then I know I've had like little comments sometimes that are like he's fine without you or and then I take that really to heart I'm like, but no, but he needs me or she needs me or whatever but I've done a lot of work I think with allowing people to like surrendering to it may not look the way I would do it or

Unknown: 12:40

savages may be not be in stash as you know, vegan aioli you know, stated multigrain, whatever but it's Yeah, well,

Will Slater: 12:51

I made it normally makes chicken schnitzel for our Italian heritage chicken stencil for our kids and she'll normally like batter them all and then put them in the freezer and so I tried to help out the other night. Oh, she's in bed not feeling correct. And I made the mistake of going and cooking about 15 pieces of chicken before I put them in the freezer and Stephanie gets into What the hell have you know, I said I stuffed up. How did you do cooking them all? But then you were you were understanding of it.

Stephanie Slater: 13:19

Sorry, Rosie. We're just gonna have a little moment. Yeah, you're adding to campus. You're adding pepper to the story that's not at all what happened you came upstairs he said I've I tried to be helpful but I've made a mistake and I'm like, What have you done? And then you said so I made all the schnitzel so I was like Oh good job and you and then he said but I cooked them all I was like oh oh well that's what happened that's it doesn't matter you tried like as long as you try said you could probably still freeze uncooked it's probably not the end of it. I was so understanding. Oh, well. It was I didn't have an issue. I was like oh yeah, I Yeah, no stress you try. My husband's

Unknown: 13:53

stepmom makes incredible ring the ring in old data.

Stephanie Slater: 14:01

But even How helpful is something like that like I think food delivery meal delivery I know if my mom makes shit sores because she's let's take time I gotta cut this chiggers. You know, do the breadcrumbs code that if your mum like comes over and she's got you know her container of muffins in her container and she's quite a healthy woman. So they're all really like wholesome. I just like dive a little bit inside of thank you so much. Like thank you that just helps so much and not being scared of because I used to feel very much like I should be able to cater to my children I should be able to feed my children I should make sure there is a freezer stash there for them and that freezer stash should be healthy you know the vegan the multi that the data and the pressure I was putting on myself for everything to be homemade. Like never God forbid I bought something premade and now I'm like you know what, there's healthy stuff out there and they're fed just

Unknown: 14:54

said a few more children and we're hitting the trigger and in the morning you know, I that's been a mess. Seems to me for me as well like our kids really bring to us like what we need to hit on I really believe it. I don't know if you follow a little while stones, little young people like that, but I've done a lot of her. Her and taught training, BMI. I've had an eating disorder for like, probably 12 or 13 years throughout my teens and have had that real obsession with being healthy. But it's been my husband's been amazing. He's like, you know, just super, you know, normal guy in terms of happy to, you know, do whatever, eat whatever. So he's been really helpful. It's kind of slightly lacking chewing life. And if we had have met each other a different time, we would have just been like, it is he was crazy party animal. I was a triathlete. But yeah, we luckily met each other at the sort of like, you know, that come down of those come to extremes and not be Yeah, my son eats the chicken in the morning, which, for me, I literally went through a phase of literally having to get my husband to prepare for him going into the pantry and crying because I just, it was I was so devastated. Because for me, that is the epitome of crap and is epitome of like being a crap Mom, I'm sorry for me to grind because like, I'm also with you on like, you've also just got to do the best that you can. And my son, he'd been introduced that through like various other kinds of sources, and then he just wouldn't need anything else. And then we'd have these massive arguments in the morning, trying to get to school, and he refused to go to school. And in the end of that, you know what, just gonna have to let him have it a couple of times a week and announced every day actually started out with rice bubbles, which even that killed me or cornflakes and also slept and then ended up being NutriGrain. But he's gonna have a probiotics and stuff for his gut. And the only way to get it in is cereal with the milk because he might drink milk. So it's just like, You know what, and not less you have to, like, I just have to like, I'm the FTR they have vegetables for lunch and dinner, they eat a lot of fruit, like they have a pretty good diet. It's not perfect. But actually, it doesn't.

Stephanie Slater: 16:59

It's pretty bloody good, which is something

Will Slater: 17:00

that I saw you write about which was the what you can and can't control and finding a way to focus on what you can and ignoring the things that you can't, which is such a simple idea. And seems so straightforward. But I think for a lot of people, us included, it is so hard. And I think for me, I'm sort of quite regimented. I've done triathlons like life is very structured and routined. And if I fall out of that, I just lose my mind. So when you were saying you know before about the kids coming in while you do yoga, that's me, you're very adaptable. But I just, I've got every minute of every day is just mapped out. And if I miss any of it, I'll it drives me insane. So trying to find a way to be okay with things that just happen. That's life I saw you write like, if you can't control for kids sick one day, and you've got to stay home, like that's just life? Have you got any insights or tips and how to actually implement that in your life? Because it's, I'm learning to go

Stephanie Slater: 17:57

into the cupboard and cry Why your child does that?

Unknown: 18:00

The country's really big. Yeah, no, I think I think the big thing is like, for me, I've done a lot of work on like, what am i values? What am I top important values? And then how do I live in alignment with that? And so, I, my number one value is like my family and making sure that um, yeah, for my family, a happy feel sorry, that they're happy. I think I sat back before because you guys were having a moment has a better if it goes

Will Slater: 18:27

down. We were having a fight on it. So sorry about that.

Unknown: 18:31

Yeah, so because I'm also really driven person. I wouldn't, you know, have four small kids in China, but run a scale up business. Same time, if I wasn't men, I've had to really, really look hard at my values, what's really important to me, and then in any given day, when, like, the sheet hits the fan with the kids, because I'm the backstop my my husband and has a really big corporate job. And it's just, you know, it's not makes more sense for me to be the backstop. And sometimes that frustrates me. But it's just what makes sense. So, you know, I am the one who's picking up at school. I'm not the most frequent flyer, like I'm a lovely administrative lady at our school, like, literally the most regular fly here. And she just saw Rachel letizia's. Because like, we're you know, it's it was really we didn't like psychology departments aren't therapies or why I pick them up early or take them late, like multiple times a week and then like, we've got school refusal going on. So I'm like, sorry, we're not coming today. I just I'm at that point where I like, what's my number one value? I don't want to have a rupture with my kid before school so that I can get to work on time. Yes, my work is really important. And I have a really strong value to try and do something that makes a difference in the world leaves a legacy changes people's lives, but at the expense of my child's emotional well being emotional safety. No. So the kind of downside of that is I do end up not sleeping a lot because I then have to make up for that. that time later, which might be 12, one, two, in catching up on work, but, you know, I think, I don't know, like I think I think as women, we get told that like, we can do what all we can have it all, or you can have it all, but you can't have it all in the one time. And like that actually really annoys me because I feel like it's just it's up to the individual, like, I think I'm going to have a really good crack because I think I can do it all. Probably at an at an expense and at a cost. And sometimes that all might need to really change what shape it looks like what it looks like, but I I don't know, I'm a staunch feminist and I just like want to want to want to do it all and I want to be you know, there for my kids. So it's a it's a really big challenge, I might end up like in the grave in five years time trying to do it all. But anyway, I've lost my train of thought

Will Slater: 20:54

you you looked the most composed out of anyone I've sat with so to have all that going on underneath the surface it it certainly doesn't look like that from the surface. You.

Stephanie Slater: 21:03

Yeah. And also thank you for sharing all of that. Because I think often as women, if we see someone successful, and they're doing this incredible business, and maybe they have kids, but they show the cute, you know, Cuddles or the whatever. And you think my night didn't look like that my morning didn't look like that. And then I tried to go into business. And then this happened another day. And then I got the call from school and had to pick them up. So I missed out on five hours away and all this kind of thing. But you see that highlight reel and you don't like you sharing something? I mean, I was a teacher for 15 years. So were you saying oh, you know, my child whose school refuse I know how challenging that is? That is hard because the school has an expectation whilst they can be really accommodating. They also say okay, but we need to get this point. And that's okay. What can we do to get that let's have these meetings with this mental, you know, well being team and data and then see you've got that you have thoughts? So what are the ages of your children?

Unknown: 21:52

Almost three, almost five, six and eight.

Stephanie Slater: 21:57

How well you are just Superwoman. Yeah,

Unknown: 21:59

no, no, no, because that just that sets me up for failure. says that that I'm like, No, don't call me that. Because I literally cannot I can only read about

Stephanie Slater: 22:07

you. I think that's the other thing because in our head, and on the same, you think Superwoman means you're just like nailing everything, but I think you're Superwoman. Because you're handling all of that you have children, between three and eight for children, between three and eight, you're running a business, you are the, as you said, the backstop, the one that is called for everything, you clearly are finding a way to balance that with your husband, who has a very high flying corporate job, which has its own demands. You can't you're part of our female founder circle. So you find time to do that you're coming on this podcast, like you just have so much going on, and you're happy to share that vulnerability. I think women need to see that. When you do try and do it all. It's okay to fail through that.

Unknown: 22:46

And it's really fucking hard. Yeah. Like, it's not for the faint hearted. Oh, yeah. And yeah, and I think, but yeah, for me, I've spent a lot of time working on what what is really dear to me, what is important to me, like when I die, when we talk about me at my funeral, what do I want my life to have meant? And it's on purpose. I'm not working madly and then regretting it because I'm missing time with my kids, or I'm not spending time with my kids and then not getting stuff done in my business out of you know, it's a very deliberate kind of, by design, I think can I think if you do it that way, then the heart kind of, you know, the heart, it's less hard. Yeah, where does that drive come from? I've done a lot of work on that too. Because I to my mom, and I, she's really close with my mom, and she got really sick about two years ago, she was diagnosed with a really rare and she had kind of cancer, called Angioimmunoblastic T cell lymphoma, a really poor prognosis and median lifespan from diagnosis is like 19 months. But so I had to had a massive LED wall moment again, I'm that person in my family that looks after everyone, I've got a very split family, we're all kind of, there's only four of us. But you know, I'm the person who looks after my dad and the vest and stuff, my mom and my sister separately as well. So, you know, I had to have a massive like, pause and, and figure out and really look deep and like, is it worth me doing this? What what what do I value and so I actually had a minor pause on my business, Lenny rose, it was back then to just spend the time and really think about what's important to me. And at the end of the day, like I'll drop everything for my mom, or you know, my kid who fell was sick or because that's just just what you do. But it did give me a really good opportunity to just come full circle and really, really, really dive deep into why I do what I do and is it what I want to do or am I just doing it because I feel like I've got something to prove. And my husband really, really successful individual. He was the supercar driver when our first while CEO of auto auto buy On at 27, he was just finished up CEO of total tools to Excel tools company. And now he's going on to the locker Group CEO of a publicly listed company and BAP Corp. And since he got announced as the new CEO, the share price has gone up by 13%. Wow. Um, so he, overachiever he should, he should be in the room with us totally as I did, it's such an overachiever. And but just a really, really humble guy, as well. And so I've always, I think, when we first got together, I felt like I had to really like prove my worth, and that I deserve to be in his, Emily's family's really successful Melbourne family. And I just was like, Oh, I don't feel like I belong here. And I've had to do so much work on just my self worth, and, you know, just all of the stuff that underlies that. And yeah, it's been a great journey, but he's, you know, it's like, I feel like life kind of matches you with the perfect person, because the shit that I had to work on was my self worth and my sense of like, value. And I think having a big family is really pushed that towards sense. And to degree the pawns come peace. So I just had to really work on and heal that to, to move through it, because I don't want my kids to feel like they're not worthwhile if they're not working from like, six in the morning till midnight. And so I still kind of do that, but it's from a very different place. So I'm like, if I have to rest, that's okay. And I was just talking to you about the, the adaptogenic mushrooms and things like that, that I've been like, you know, trying to help with my energy and sleep and stuff like that. And anyway, I've lost my train of thought, Where was that going?

Stephanie Slater: 26:46

They will wake up four times.

Unknown: 26:49

Okay, you're talking about you don't want your kids to have to feel like they're not worthy or That's right. And so yeah, anyway, but my into camp to take a reference back to my mom like her, even when she was really sick. She was like, Oh, I've got a you know, she's having stem cell transplant in hospital, which is like, really crazy. Like, then it isn't same dose of chemo and just like, completely wipe out everything and then re insert like healthy stem cells. So it's basically like, they kill off everything good in your body. And she's still like, trying to do Pilates in the, in the in the room. And she's like, I have got to read and I've got to, like, make it do this, do this and do this. And I'm like, Mommy can actually just rest. And I think that's been such a good journey for me to be like, you know, the reason why you do something can't be because you're not good enough. If you're not doing something and you're not a worthwhile human. If you're not giving back or you're not, you know, you're worthwhile just because you are. And I think the best example of that is when you kept your newborn baby, and you'd look at them and I can perfect, just as they are, and they don't need to do a single thing. And they are just innately worthwhile. And like that is still us as adults, but he's still lost now. So I think we just have to give ourselves that same, you know, like, Highness and grace, because that we were that and we still are there and our kids are that and how can our kids feel that way if we don't feel that way about ourselves?

Will Slater: 28:18

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Unknown: 28:56

Yeah, pretty much that I've definitely learned that if I have to value myself as a human being outside of my output because when your physical or even mental capabilities are taken away, then you got no you've got nothing. You've got no self worth. And yeah, that that was that's probably the biggest thing that she's she's taught me unknowingly unwittingly. But um, yeah, you can't put yourself last all the time. And you can't it's another big one too. I think she did that growing up and that definitely ended up in a lot of resentment from her and so she recognizes that now to know that she loved me saying it on like a you know, a YB sized podcast but she'd forgive me but

Stephanie Slater: 29:40

you know I can I have I have so many things I want to say and ask you but just on that note with your mom and I can resonate with that so much because my mom was similar in that she gave up so much she split up from my dad. Everyone who listens to this knows I don't talk to my dad. He's not a great dude. But my mom was like this Stoik resilient, got through everything, you know, just just got on and did. And she ended up sick she had breast cancer, still to this day to for her to prioritize herself is like, God forbid. And I have had to do so much work on myself in Anwar wiring that learning of that's actually not the way I have to be. And she will say to me, you are not living my life. So you don't have to do what I did. But that was what was modeled to me. And that's what I grew up with. And I saw that and I thought, well, to be a strong woman, you have to do X, Y, and Zed, but then she got sick, she's had a lot of, you know, just so I think you learn these lessons through them with them doing it unconsciously the Body

Unknown: 30:45

Keeps the Score don't get totally does, I think. Yeah. And I mean, along with that comes like their desire to be like people pleasing. And, you know, the whole good girl kind of indoctrination that we have, like, you know, you just, you can't I've, you know, again, two reasons Taylor Swift did go through for you.

Stephanie Slater: 31:09

Tonight, you're only allowed her to,

Unknown: 31:11

I know, shattered that we didn't get tickets. I didn't know. I didn't know that I loved her as much as I love her life. She's always saying yeah, but um, that song like the man and and it's like, how she talks about how, you know, if I think anyway, it's like, if if she's loud, she's rude. Whereas a man just like standing up for themselves? You know, I think just that yeah, that whole don't need to be pleasing other people. And you know, yeah, that's how we just grown up like needing to please other people and put other people's needs first and I don't want my kids to do that. I don't want my son's to think their partners needs to needs to do that. So yeah,

Stephanie Slater: 31:53

I think sorry. No, I think that's really interesting because I had a few eating issues growing up as well. I was never it was never a diagnosed eating disorder, but I definitely deprived and over exercised and got quite skinny at one point. And when I met Well, I just resonate so much with your story like when I met Well, my relationship with food was awful. My relation with my body was all full. I'm still working on my relationship with my body, especially post kids because I definitely don't look like I did. But I was so afraid. Well, thanks

Unknown: 32:26

Ireland, I don't know that before you but you Euro AQ. But I

Stephanie Slater: 32:32

was like, scared of bread pizza pot, like there's no way I did any of those things. I would lie about certain things like to avoid eating that thing. And whatever it might have had really lean into my IBS made lactose intolerance like that was the reason I can't eat dairy. And will always pre kids where I say, you know, do we have a door to do what your daughter and I was so afraid of that because I remember mum doing things and saying things that was indoctrinated in me again, unwilling unknowingly she knows things from her mom. And she's like, I remember my mum used to do this. So we don't mean to do it, but it was will would be stop talking about yourself that way. Stop it. When we have kids you are not to do this data. And through that I have really, when I watch this perfect little being in my arms and I see her growing up and she's only two but I look at her growing and I think I'm so conscious of the words and the language I use around them now and you know, mommy goes to Pilates to be healthy and strong. Papaya does triathlons and go to the gym. And you know we call food sometimes food so the treat the treats are the sometimes food and we read pig the blob I don't know if you know that pig, the grubs pig, the pug series, but bulk and it's pig, the blob and he's this lazy fat dog in this episode, or whatever. And he's eating pizza and candy and he's really fat. And then he falls through the couch. And I said to Sebastian, because I always got ice cream on you know, as a Yeah. What's that? Is that is that food we eat? And he said, Yeah, that might be that's a sometimes food. I said, yeah. But look what happened. He ate so much. He couldn't even move. He couldn't walk. And he said, and Sebastian said, that's why we only have it sometimes. And then we go out and we run around. And I was like, yeah, so it's a different way of looking at food instead of demonizing food because I demonize food. You know, I've talked about this when I was in primary school where I had a little latch that you'd open the lunch box that said, a handwritten note do not eat junk food and like that's primary school. So that, you know, I reckon I was in grade five. So I was about 10, because I was a young one from a level and it's definitely getting younger in this day and age, you know,

Unknown: 34:25

from the age of three, but that is bad and skinny is good. I

Stephanie Slater: 34:29

mean age of 33 and

Unknown: 34:31

the top three influences. Emily is and the media Ray who's the top family. So yeah, I'm really on board with that too. And I have a few friends who I really see conscious of their weight and talking about a lot and talking about a lot in front of our kids and it really kills me but it's so hard you can't like you can't just kind of run someone else's journey and just be a good example. I'm like golden never Talk about myself in a negative way. And like I've had four kids are breastfed for kids. And like, boobs, like, just like, it's not so great. But you know what, when I look at them in the mirror, I'm like, Thank you, you have sustained life for kids. And I actually wouldn't change it because I knew. It's like if we can't embrace the like saggy and wobbly bits of ourselves, like, how do we expect out? He's to have any sense of like, you know, self worth or self worth and self love if we can't if we can't demonstrate it. So I mean, I think our kids are our biggest healers and yes, our biggest teachers and you know, we have to model what we want them to be they're not going to be at if they don't see

Stephanie Slater: 35:42

that. Absolutely. I always wanted a boob job after kids. I always had to I want to be, I have a very good palate brown today. This is not my booze. Amazing. No, no, no, this I had to because of this thing that but I have nothing. I'm telling you. It is all patting. It's like I literally have nothing. And I was so upset about that, because I had a nice, nice breasts before kids like but saying breastfed not for two. And I was always like, I'm gonna Bucha and then I thought, No, I don't Why Why don't want fake stuff put on me. That's not me. Like, I need to find my love again of myself and feel comfortable in that and embrace the LGBT community, as they call themselves as

Unknown: 36:18

actually proud. I like yeah, it's finding Yeah, it's a big journey. But I'm like, I don't, you know, I thought I've talked I had talked about that, as well with my husband, like many years ago, and I'm like, if I if my husband's gonna leave me because my boobs aren't like, then he's not the right person. For me. So like, just, he never word is like, doesn't

Will Slater: 36:39

give my husband's perspective without sounding like a suck, but there is. So I'm not trying to do that. After just talking about? Me, all right, I'll leave that for the kids. So without sucking Merivale intended, Stephanie, there is like, I look at Stephanie, and I'm sure your husband looks at you. And I'm sure other husbands who have had while to go through child rearing years, there's so much admiration and respect and love for what your body has been able to do. And what that's been able to provide for the family. Like for us, I think I reflect back on what we were like before kids, and I think we were just incomplete. You know, from from where we are. Now we've got this beautiful family, there's two beautiful kids and your body is the reason that we've been able to do that. And that is, that is a beautiful thing. And that is that it's so attractive as well, like it's so attractive to see that and to admire that and to love that. And so I hear you both talk about it. You talk about a lot. I just think, I don't know, from the husband on the other side of the bed. It's so far from how we think about it.

Stephanie Slater: 37:53

It's all our own stuff, isn't it? Like more often than not, it's just the story we're telling ourselves and our narrative and our self worth and how because often I'll think of myself in a certain way we will say he'll say that and I think that's in my head, not where I'm at at all. How are you seeing that? Because I feel gross. I feel not sexy. I feel that it I like if I come in as it was like, Are you really sexy today? And I'm like, or I literally cringe. Because I think that's not how I feel. But I need to step into that and just thank you. Yes, I am sexy. You know, like our inner

Will Slater: 38:25

Sydney we do a lot of your podcasts when you're doing them about sex after childbirth. And it's it's we had our couples therapy couples therapists are sex therapists on the show last week talking about and a lot of people have reached out I've actually said it's been one of our best episodes we've done like it's a topic obviously, that people find really hard. It's a challenging thing. Yeah.

Unknown: 38:46

And I think because I mean, there are a lot of changes that, you know, physical changes that women go through, and not only just like our bodies don't look and feel the same that they did. But unfortunately, trauma to the pelvic area is really it's ridiculously high in Australia. obstetric violence is like in 10% of women and obstetrical Roma is 28% of women experience that throughout childbirth, unfortunately. And so that has so many implications for everything downstairs and how you relate to it. You know, if you've given birth vaginally, you have a prolapse, whether or not it's actually symptomatic. Can you just explain

Stephanie Slater: 39:28

for our audience what a prolapse is? prolapse is

Unknown: 39:30

basically just a changing organ position within the pelvis, and it could be bladder, bowel, or uterus or a combination. And so because of the nature of childbirth, everything that kind of is is stretched and there's a lot of pressure. If you've given birth vaginally, you will have changed to the position of those organs, the fascia and the connective tissue is stretched irrevocably, but you may or may not have symptoms so people can have a prolapse, of any of those organs or a combination Mmm, and they can still have it sort of sitting inside the body. So you can't, you might not tell you might not really have a lot of symptoms all the way through to really unfortunately you can have prolapse outside the body. So parts of the internal parts of the pelvis that are sticking out and Yeah, unfortunately so common we don't talk about it and you know, if you already have a bad body image like can you imagine like, like that as well. He's really, really challenging to deal with so that affects intimacy affects how we feel about ourselves. Pain is a really common for women. Post childbirth, sex within

Stephanie Slater: 40:39

there are other ways what's the alternative? Wow. Oral sex maybe not under our roof Rosie but what happens under your

Unknown: 40:54

four kids so that you haven't backs? What's happening? That's good to hear. Good to hear. That for the excellent. Hasn't been cringy roll. Did you say like, Yeah, sounds like it's better off to having a totally cringe. But yeah, absolutely.

Stephanie Slater: 41:09

Okay, can I can I just go can I go there? You don't have to go like they're there. But how and why? Because I would say our sex life is not better than it was like, I'm still trying to find my sexy my comfort and all that. And just, I mean, I guess, you know, breastfeeding. So Arabella is true. I breastfed her for a year. So it's been a year where I feel like I finally got my body back. And I wouldn't say that that was from, you know, the day after stopping breastfeeding. Like that's probably been, you know, six months to feel like okay, and net like more, I still sometimes feel touched out. So then the thought of like, it's

Will Slater: 41:44

important, either the quality of the sexes, potentially.

Unknown: 41:50

It's just the frequencies the challenge. Yes, yes. Yes, that's it. Yeah, do tell Rosie What's your secret just have a greater level of respect and intimacy for each other is a big thing. Like our relationship has grown exponentially because of the just the daily challenges of like dealing with our beautiful children and the respect that we have for grown for each other and like managing all of that, especially because they are so close together and it just creates such a moment of chaos. Beautiful chaos. But I think you know, I I've thought about how the stuff online and I think like stress impacts like your sex drive. And I think my husband like his was kind of thrown to a really stressful, you know, sort of job at in his mid 20s Like CEO of a big company, and it took him a while to kind of find his feet in that and now like he just kind of, you know, nothing really fazes him. So I think like his stress levels are like, you know, a lot lower. And so we've probably more matched in terms of our libido because of that, but I think he has a really high risk for appetite like racecar driver, extreme sports, and so like, you just kind of got to get a bit inventive. Wow. I'd been to you but like, you know, like, just take it where you can't Yeah, you know, and so it's pretty funny like we just just to say

Stephanie Slater: 43:10

when when you even factor in the time that you just literally like that's the pantry again. That's big, big pantry. Yeah, not quite big enough.

Unknown: 43:23

I the pleasures of luck on you know, I think it's I really do think it's just, you just have such a different respect for each other. And I think that probably is the biggest thing. No, yeah. High risk appetite. So yeah, appetite for risk. Okay. What is this appetite for risk? I feel like there's a lot in that. Just like you know, different placement is risky.

Stephanie Slater: 43:51

That spontaneity comes that thing I suck at. Like,

Unknown: 43:54

I really have to use what I have. Because you can't you can't plan it. Right? Totally how plan that with kids. So it's just like shit now.

Will Slater: 44:04

You gotta take the opportunities when they come. This is what I said. I said, man, like, like, we've got a five minute window like she's like, maybe later and then later comes around. It's like, no, no,

Unknown: 44:15

no, no, no. Yeah.

Stephanie Slater: 44:16

But you want to have like the love

Unknown: 44:19

all the time. That's followed by Stan

Stephanie Slater: 44:21

longingly to each other. Like if I got to be spontaneous. He's amazing. You are amazing.

Will Slater: 44:30

I know sound bites for both. There's time for we got five minutes and there's time in place for the other so you've got to yeah,

Stephanie Slater: 44:37

yes, yes. Okay.

Will Slater: 44:39

I've been turned down opportunities. They don't present themselves often.

Stephanie Slater: 44:43

I'll take that on the air Rosie.

Unknown: 44:45

Say no. Because I don't want to come across like you can't say no. I'm not saying that again. I could read here you

Stephanie Slater: 44:54

Oh my god. I love that. I need to take some of your vibes.

Will Slater: 44:57

So where are the kids are they just didn't need it. The answer is what you do. And it's actually a good five minutes. Yeah.

Unknown: 45:02

Just That's great to know so we're in the house by nap tribes are really good at tribes of Peppa Pig Yeah, always good distraction

Stephanie Slater: 45:18

Oh, that's so funny. It's

Will Slater: 45:20

it's an awkward conversation to have it's so I think I think a lot of people struggle with that it's so hard because when do you get the time like, you got to make it, you have

Unknown: 45:29

to make it and the same with like my husband, one thing that we do really well is we have a weekly date night. It doesn't happen every single week, but we have it kind of in the in the in the calendar. And we do try and go away. We've just had a weekend away in Hamilton Island. And we're really lucky that we can do that because we have great family support. Yeah. But we've always just, you know, always been like, we need to get a babysitter in for the night for two hours, we can go out for dinner, we just do like that as well. So again, recognizing that not everybody can do that. But like, how do you like just make that time commitment to each other and is putting a movie on for the kids. And then going outside and sitting outside and having a glass of wine and eating a meal together? Instead of like eating over the kids and just trusting that time? Yeah, once a week, it doesn't mean you need to, like pay for a babysitter and go out for a fancy meal. But like how do you make that work within the constraints of like, you know, whatever time and budget and you have

Will Slater: 46:20

to amazing, I just want to ask before we wrap up just about every form and we your I read some stuff about your value. So it was really interesting hearing you talk about that. And I saw you write about family being super important and super high, but impact also being very high. I resonate with that a lot. I really feel that. And I think business is our greatest platform for change, we can really use that to drive impact, both profitably. And societally, where does that come from for you? And how do you? How does that come through in your work in your business? And yeah,

Unknown: 46:54

yeah, I mean, I think I do thank my mom for that probably, she's always wanting to always, you know, set a really good example of like, you know, giving back to other people, and you know, just always, we never had a lot growing up. But she always managed to help out other people and give, you know, give it to charity and do things like that. So that was instilled in me from a very young age. But yeah, I think it just comes from my background is in healthcare and physiotherapy. And if I'm really honest, I think, again, like a lot of my early kind of drive was like, if I help other people, I'm a good person. You know, like, it's all about, like, how do I be a good person? And how do I was it fixing something in a good life and being good person? And, and so no, there's nothing wrong with that. That's obviously, that's great. But I also think, again, that's a recipe for like, a burnout and feel like, you know, falling out of love with what you're doing. And so yeah, I mean, I've just, I think I'm very in a very lucky position, my husband works really hard. And about an hour we both do, but that has allowed me to kind of follow my passions, with with this business, and I think going through the journey of parenthood and motherhood and birth and, and postpartum, similar to yourself stuff and, and obviously, will, you're really incredibly passionate about it too. Well, you wouldn't be doing what you're doing. But it's Yeah, it really, really comes from my own experiences throughout motherhood, parenting, birth, all of that sort of stuff. And just seeing how, how hard it is for a lot of women, you know, all of those different inflection points, whether it's pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. And I just have a real, I don't know, just a real drive to be able to give something back in. I feel like through my own experiences of putting myself at the bottom of the barrel and being that pawns. And just like, I do not want other women to do that to themselves. And if I can create a business that encourages women to look after themselves, and to, you know, advocates for them and educates them. We're very much pelvic health focused, but it does have, you know, as we've spoken about, like it does ripple out into everything else. And I think that if we have healthy and happy moms and parents, then we have healthy, healthy and happy kids and communities. And so yeah, if that answers that vision,

Will Slater: 49:28

no, it does really well. It's really, yeah, it's really inspiring to hear that. And it's amazing that people like you exist who are out there trying to do something because it's

Unknown: 49:37

your wife, and I think and I think like being involved in some sort of female founders, circles and going through the sort of startup space as well. I just sort of say like, there's so many amazing women and teams out there doing great things and I just am like if I can scale my business and have a really great impact on women doing that, but then also be profitable and make some money. Oh, We'll just have to be able to get back into that female startup and Hurry and help. Totally like because you know, you know all about the funding disparities, and we're going through right capital raising at the moment, and so acutely aware of like, how hard it is to get funding as a female, and particularly in a product based business, that's not tech or SAS. So, so challenging, and but we're about to nail it. You know, it's we're close. So

Will Slater: 50:27

it's up traditional VC route. Are you going down PE or angels V.

Unknown: 50:32

C, and angels? Yeah, yeah. But these are the basic main VC that we're working with the University. And that sort of tied up with our sort of clinical research and things like that. So yeah, but also angels. But it's been such a hard journey, like I've been knocking on the door preparing for at least 18 months. And that's a full time job in itself with us running the business. So literally, slightly, no might. But yeah, and I've just seen this and see a disparity. And, you know, I mean, that could have opened up a whole other, like, Can worms of conversation, but it's just I just really want to help help women and families to thrive. I think when women are happy, their relationship, they're happy that you know, I think it's just yeah, there's just so much. So far reaching if we can sort of have impact across, you know, any of those inflection points?

Stephanie Slater: 51:22

Absolutely. Is I feel like we could talk forever. I also this is a bit random, I just want to say thank you for saying if you've had a vaginal birth, because a lot of people say a natural birth, and I'm someone who had an emergency cesarean and then an elective because of the trauma. And I just appreciate so much when someone does a call what I experienced an unnatural by saying that that's a natural birth,

Unknown: 51:46

like I do even in hospital. Now that terminology is in NVD, normal, you know, normal vaginal delivery, or whatever. And I'm like, it's actually not normal. You know, that's actually really almost as common, if not more common to have severe infection. And yeah, failure. Yeah, even though it's not always we what needed, it's needed. But it, it is often very much needed, and it saves lives. But I think we really need to support women in that journey as well. You have not fat that's actually a fucking harder recovery, having cut through nine layers of tissue and fascia, and organs and muscle to recover from that whilst Yeah, I think the one thing that I've saw recently, which really hit home for me is like, any other surgery that you have, you are laid up in bed, and you are, you know, whatever, like you're taking drugs you're having, you're going through therapy, whatever you're doing, had a severe infection. You've just got home, you've got a baby, and you sort of get on with life. Yeah, suitable that drive you like start off, it's even worse.

Stephanie Slater: 52:50

Yeah, you're literally stuck at home, but still moving and doing everything. And

Unknown: 52:54

then like, you just are Yeah, you're fine. And you just get on with it like no, no other like, if you have it's major surgery. Yeah,

Stephanie Slater: 53:00

I know. I

Will Slater: 53:01

know. You have the second, you've got a toddler crawling all over you, when you? Well, that's

Stephanie Slater: 53:04

how I ended up getting an infection. Because I was like, Well, I just have to pick him up and do stuff. And then I ended up in it. Yeah. But I just think it's really not even comparing just to say vaginal versus air. And like, I think that that's just far more equitable way of viewing the two rather than how did you deliver naturally, I'm like, What did i What do you mean, I'm still natural, my child's natural, like I gave birth, I still gave birth. But it's just as an appreciation factor. And I think if we can change that language, it just helps women again, especially postnatally, because we're not then suffering this guilt of I didn't have a natural birth. And I think that that's Yeah,

Unknown: 53:38

and so it's a really salient point. And I think, yeah, I mean, again, Oliver can totally talk about you know, how we can support women you understand their choices and understand yes, you know, when and why that's necessary. Yeah. And important and how it's not failing. And, you know, it saves lives. I've saved your life and your baby's lives did

Stephanie Slater: 53:57

Yeah, absolutely. Go girl. You go girl, two

Will Slater: 54:02

zeros. I think we could spend all day together, but I gotta run and thank you so much for coming in. You've been terrific. And you've got such an inspiring story. I love everything that you're doing. And thank you for can't say no, I think that's gonna be really helpful.

Stephanie Slater: 54:16

Hi, I'm Rosie. Fine. I'll be like deleting roses number out of my phone on and off just ever speaking to her again.

Unknown: 54:29

Thank you so much. Rosie. Jimbo. Thanks.

Will Slater: 54:33

Exactly. And people where can people find you? We'll link in the show notes. But where's the best place for people to find you if they're looking for the support they provide?

Unknown: 54:41

Yeah, ever form we're on Instagram and just ever form where.com is our website but yeah, I'm gonna look we got lots of education on yeah, Want to Le postpartum pregnancy. I'm super passionate about that as well. So it's not just about something that you put on out to the community and the advice in the advocacy that we're in the process of dying. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Good luck with all that you're doing. Fantastic and I can't wait to support each other more as we Absolutely. Thanks so much, Rosie. Appreciate it.

Stephanie Slater: 55:14

Thanks, everyone. Okay, bye. Cheers. Bye. Thank you for listening all the way to the end of the BMV corner brought to you by SLA, as a way for us to say thank you. We are offering the first 50 months of free consult and your first month's product free. All we need to do is visit escalade.co. Schedule a consult with one of our practitioners and enter the promo code. Baby consult. Take your first step towards personalized wellness with Escalade today