10 Surprising Reasons You’re Still Single!

Are you in your 20s, 30s, or 40s and wondering why you're still single?  In this episode of The No Pills Podcast, Gordon McGee explores 10 common reasons that might be keeping you from the relationship you desire.

This isn't about judgment, but about reflection and understanding, so you can move forward. Gordon dives into key areas, offering timeless wisdom from the "owner's manual" (the Bible) al

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Transcript

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Check in. 3, 2, 1. Welcome back, beloved. I'm Gordon McGee and this is The No Pills podcast. Love fully scripted. And today, are you in your mid twenties? Are you in your thirties? Are you in your forties and you are single? 10 things that are keeping you single. Oh, let's talk about it. Let's get into it. What do you say? Today we are tackling a topic that many of you might be facing. Now, this isn't about judgment, folks, it's about reflection and understanding so that we can move forward. Now, we've identified 10 common areas that could be keeping you. Yes. Could be keeping you from what? From the relationship. You are desiring friends, and we're going to layer in some. Timeless wisdom from the owner's manual along the way. Let's get into these 10 reasons. First on the list. First thing we are going to discuss and talk about not prioritizing your relationship with God. The Bible tells us over in Matthew six, verse 33, but seek he first, the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you or given to you as well. Prioritize your spiritual life and the other areas of your life will follow. They will fall into place. This is basic one-on-one Christianity, but sometimes I think we overlook it. Let me be playing with you. If your relationship with God isn't in place, you shouldn't be looking for a spouse. You're not ready. You're no good to your potential spouse, your future husband or wife, how are you going to hear God's voice? If you are not locked in and having your daily devotionals and your relationship with God is not tight? You should be terrified of the idea of going out and potentially choosing and picking someone to court who becomes your wife. Or your husband that you have not been able to hear God's voice to get approval and to know if this is someone that God has selected for you. So you're out of the running. No courtship for you. If your relationship with God is not where it needs to be and where it should be, it's not healthy. Regular praying, reading devotions, and witnessing. You can thank me later. How are you going to be the leader or the help meet in your relationship in a marriage? If you don't have a relationship with God? Courting isn't going to suddenly make your. Spiritual nature, your spirituality. Just kick the gear. You know? It's not gonna just automatically, oh, because I'm courting now, I'm going to be in tune with God. I. Not gonna happen, friends. It's not gonna happen. I'm not even sorry to tell you that. As your brother in Christ, I'm letting you know right now. It's not gonna happen. You need to be locked in with the most high before you think about getting the eye of someone of the opposite sex. Next, let's talk about it being overweight. Oh man. All this body positivity is just turned into. Yeah. Be obese and die. These folks do not love you friends. Anyone who's encouraging you to be obese, to be overweight is not your friend. Do you hear me? Not your friend at all. Not even close to being your friend. Now listen, I understand the attraction is subjective. We all know that. Okay? But how we feel about our own. Health and body can significantly impact our what? Our confidence, friends and energy levels. You need energy to court. You gotta be able to get up and go. What if you wanna go on a hike or walk or talk? I mean, you've gotta be in shape to get these things done. Uh, this affects how we put ourselves out there, right? Um, e even how we perceive interest from others, it's truly about your personal wellbeing. How that translates into your courtship approach. Honestly, let us consider one Corinthians six verses 19 through 20. Do you not know that your bodies are the temple of the what? Holy Spirit friends, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. Listen, taking care of your physical. Self, our physical selves is a way of honoring this gift from God. This body's given us. I know a lot of times we don't wanna deal with this ladies. I, I mean, I see it online. I see. Just we're in self denial. We wanted this thing. Oh yeah. Listen, when people, when people lose weight, friends who were previously obese, their mood changes, their perspective changes, their outlook, changes on life. Their happier people, their more upbeat. Which brings me to our next point, your attitude. This one is huge. Your attitude impacts every single interaction you have. A consistently negative, pessimistic, or critical outlook can frankly be a major turnoff. Can we just be honest? Major turnoff. It's like, ah, throw up in your mouth. Who wants to deal with that? A positive, joyful demeanor. On the other hand, that's far more appealing friends and inviting, isn't it? Mm-hmm. I'm not talking about being fake, not being who you are, being disassociated from reality in life, but cultivating a genuine. Optimistic outlook is something that you can work on right now. And if you have a nasty, negative attitude, this may be one of the reasons why you are still single in your thirties, in your forties in particular, because when you're in your twenties, you're a little, you know, you don't know what you don't know. But to my older crew that's here, mm, check your attitude. This, this may be your problem. Proverbs 1513, A happy heart makes the face cheerful. Heartache crushes the spirit. Your inner state truly shows on the outside so true how you think, where your heart is, where your emotions are. If you're bitter in there, it eventually bleeds to the outside, and this truly may be one of the reasons why you are still single. Number four, unrealistic expectations. Let's talk about it. Are you holding onto an idolized? Fantasy, friend of a partner or a relationship that just does not exist, will never exist. Let's be real. People are falling. People are sinful. People are human. If your expectations are out of sync with reality, you're setting yourself up for constant disappointment. You might even miss out on a on, on a, on a genuinely good person. This includes expecting perfection. Come on. Or believing a relationship will instantly solve all your personal problems. I, I've shared this with you before. A lot of times we're looking for a partner, a spouse, to do what only God can do for us. You need to be realistic. I like what Romans 12 verse three says, for by the grace given me, I say to every one of you, do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. We need to be realistic about ourselves and others. It even starts there a lot of times our, our. How we see ourselves is not even in truth and in honesty. So if you can't come to grips with your attitude, you can't come to grips with your weight, you can't come to grips that you are not all that you think you are, and then you're putting expectations on people that you yourself cannot even meet that if the, if the tables were turned, if the rolls were reversed, like you wouldn't even date yourself. Okay. Think about that. Would you, would you court yourself? Let us humble ourselves. Friends, let, let, let us be sober minded. Let, let, let our, let our courtship be based in reality. Apply that same sober judgment to your expectation of others. Extrapolating that from Romans 12, verse three, I've learned in whatsoever state, I am there with to be content. Paul says in Philippians four, verse 11, and having food and clothing. Let us be. What content? One Timothy six verse eight. Let us be content. What else? Let your conversation be without covetousness. Come on and be content with such things as you have for God Said, what? I will never leave thee nor for safety. Hebrews 13 verse five. Right from the owner's manual, we are just passing through this plane, this third rock from the sun. This is not our final destination, so if you are not locked into that reality, I. Then your expectations of another human being of a husband or a wife could just be totally outta place and disjointed. Just saying. Let's move on to number five, prioritizing your career over love. Pretty self-explanatory. Lot of us are in this space, in this place, getting educated, wondering why we are single while we're still single and can't find anybody. You're not prioritizing it. You don't care to. You're too worried about getting this money, too worried about getting the accolades, wanting to put more letters behind your name. Ambition is great, absolutely, but if you are pouring all of your time and energy into your career, you might be leaving very little to no room, if any, for a courtship in, in, in a nurturing, meaningful relationship with someone, with, with someone of the opposite sex. This can signal to potential partners. I don't know if you thought about this. That they're not a high priority for you, or it simply means you are genuinely not interested or don't have the time to invest in them. This is why you're single friends. Just be real with yourself. You wanna be a boss, babe? All right? You're gonna be a single boss, babe. You want to be the CEO of a company you wanna drive, all right? You're probably gonna be sick. I mean, let's just be real. The, the dating or courtship marketplace is not broken. You are broken. You're not prioritizing it. I mean, this is what it is, right? The Book of Ecclesiastes, chapter three, verse one says. And it, and it wisely states, this pun intended, there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun or under heaven. So during the season of your life where you should be prioritizing being a husband or a wife, you sacrifice that and said, no, I'm gonna pri prioritize being a boss. And now you've increased the difficulty level of finding you a spouse maybe in your later days, later years. Deal with it. That's the reality. But just know that this is maybe a consequence of that decision you made. You know, I guess you gotta be an adult and just, uh, you know, take the lumps like a, like a man or a woman. Now, this next one is. Deep number six is heavy. It's a heavy one. Past negative relationship experiences or trauma. Heartbreaks, betrayals or traumatic past can just leave deep wounds, friends, deep scars, uh, these can manifest as trust issues. A fear of intimacy. Come on, you, you know who I'm talking to. And, and unwillingness to be vulnerable or even self-sabotaging patterns in new relationships. And look, we have to be honest. Healing from these wounds is often a necessary step before you can fully open up to a healthy relationship. We've gotta deal with it. You, you gotta come to Jesus and get some healing going on there. But a lot of times what I've seen. We want to get into a new relationship and say, Hey, I'm gonna go through that healing process while I'm in that new relationship, or we expect that new partner to be on our healing journey with us, or to be the doctor, the physician, the healer for us to get us over these past traumas. No, that's between you and God. I'm not here. To, to fix you, right? I'm not here to, to heal you from past traumas. Why? Because I don't have the power to do that. I don't have the capacity for that. That is a divine activity. That is a God activity. So you've gotta learn how to lay that thing at the altar. You need to learn how to move on, and there's some hope for you. Over in Isaiah 43, verses 18 through 19 encourages us to do what? Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. God says, now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? Come on. Do you not perceive it? I'm doing a new thing. If you enter into this verse in faith and allow the Holy Ghost to begin to men heal, regenerate, renew, undergo a spiritual rebirth, you will be healthy. Whole ready to enter into a new relationship if that is God's will for you in your life. But if you don't perceive it, if you don't believe it, that God is doing something new with you. That he is the great physician and you can come to him and extract virtue from the master to heal your wounds. Then you're just gonna take your broken self into another relationship and break that one too. He goes on to say, I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Let go of the past and embrace the future. And what's new. Some of you are single because you can't move on from the past. Man, those past traumas and it, it's, that's a fact. And then coming in at number seven, low self-esteem or insecurity, friends, a lack of confidence in yourself. Feelings of unworthiness or deep seeded insecurities can be a huge barrier. This might lead you to avoid social situations, not pursue opportunities. Or even push away potential partners because you subconsciously believe you don't deserve love. I'm talking to somebody. Yeah, I don't deserve love. Building healthy self-esteem is crucial. Recognizing your inherent worth is vital. And friends, you are worthy. Why do I say that? Psalms 1 39 verse 14 reminds us. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know. That full well, you are made. You and I are made in the image of God. Our identity is in God. Our identity is in Christ. We're broken. We're marred. But we can come to him and be born again. We can be given new hearts. New minds. My heart, my heart kind of breaks on, on, on, on this point to think that man, there's people out there really that don't believe they need love, that they're not worthy of love. The, the insecure, like that's, it's so sad if that's you friends don't believe that lie from the devil. Point number eight, lack of opportunity or social skills. Some people, you just genuinely have limited chances to meet new people because of your lifestyle or your social circles. Working all the time, work too much, and others might struggle with social anxiety or simply haven't developed the skills needed to comfortably initiate conversations. Some of you know what, that's what that feels like. All my introverts, you know what's going on. Some of you, some stumble over your words and listen, I'm gonna be honest. I'm not gonna say and sugarcoat it for you. Some people, we just, we just, we're not social, we're socially awkward. It's just true. It's a reality. We don't know how to connect. Uh, we don't know how to engage with people. Um, we're, we're, we're never in a relaxed state or even engaged with people in a relaxed way, hence. All of the self-improvement gurus and all the classes for purchase online today. Okay? So if there's any evidence that what I'm saying is true right there, they're selling these classes out. The what? Zoo out the wazoo. They're, they're all over the place. Okay. You can buy, pick it up here. Pick it up there. Go on once, go on twice. Go. Sold. Welcome to Samsara Us. It's crazy. They, they, they, they, they got it branded. They're giving us names. They, they, they, they. They're tracking you down. They, they're in your dms. They, they're hunting you down with the advertisements. Want you to be a better man. Okay. Few points on this. Okay. Few thoughts come to my mind about being, being maybe socially I. Uh, inadequate and, and also having few opportunities to actually meet people. A man that have friends must show himself friendly. You've gotta break your routine. Gotta go to places that you may never have been, but you actually gotta open your mouth and get talking. That's Proverbs 18 verse 24, and let me not forget. Three verse three can two walk together except they be agreed. You gotta find people that are interested in things that you were interested in. You know, like if you are a Christian, like, you know, if you're a Christian, you probably don't wanna be trying to pick up a spouse over at a Satanic meeting or seance just saying, can two walk together except they be agreed. Biking, hiking, running, jogging, church. You know, and then you have to show yourself friendly. Now for those that are like Brother Gordon, I can't speak. I'm nervous, I'm sweating. I'm dead. Ah, I'm gonna die right there on the spot. And Moses said, unto God, Yahweh the Lord. Oh my Lord. I am not eloquent, neither here thereto for nor since thou has spoken unto thy servant. But I am slow of speech and of a slow tongue. Mm of a slow tongue. And the Lord said unto him, who have made man's mouth, come on friends. You've gotta pray and say, Lord, help me whip my speech. Help me not to be nervous. Right? Moses had been a long time gone out of Egypt. Very difficult for him to go back there and now have to speak that language that he had probably forgotten over those 40 years. And God reassures him, Hey, listen, I, I made your mouth. I, I I made your tongue give you my spirit like. I'm in control. I can use you. I can speak through you. We need to have that same, we need to claim this same promise when we're saying, okay, I'm so nervous. I can't talk to women. I can't. Yes you can. God could give you that ability to calm you down, get yourself together. And as you're, listen, as you're spending time with Christ, as you are working on yourself to you're working that you would decrease and Christ would increase in you, and you become more of a man and you have your job, your responsibilities, and your growing and maturing as a man, that confidence will build up as well. But know that God has created your mouth and that he can put his words in your mouth and he can bring you to the right person, to your spouse that's gonna love you. Appreciate just how you talk and just how you are. Come on, somebody talk to me and let me say this. Cultivating relationships and social connections in general is just important. Something we all should be practicing on a regular basis, right? I know a lot of times we have to go to work, stay in our cubicles and not be social at all. But friends, come on, get outside your cubicle if it's not gonna get you fired. That is, and meet a few people. Do a little bit of talking, some just some hellos, goodbyes. Good mornings, good evenings, you know what I'm saying? Next, let's talk about financial considerations. Now, while money certainly isn't everything, I do recognize that financial instability or a significant debt can be a real source of stress and a reason not to court somebody. I get it. This can influence your readiness. Come on, for a relationship. Let's be real. You got a hundred thousand dollars in debt, it's like, Ooh, folks not gonna wanna court. You friend. Your debt might be a problem, okay? You not being responsible with funds may be a problem. This may be keeping you single. You don't have the right credit score. Some folks don't wanna deal with you. Hey man, what's your credit score player? Let me uh, write that down. Lemme talk. What'd you say, brother? In Christ, my brother in Christ. Hey, love you. Amen. Mm-hmm. Your credit score was what? 300, oh Lord. No, you're not the one God didn't send you. And in Proverbs 21 verse five, it does encourage for responsible financial planning. The plans of the diligent lead to profit, as surely as haste leads to poverty. And then, you know, some folks feel like they need to reach a certain level of income, a, a, a certain level of financial security before they can comfortably enter into a partnership. For most of us, for most of us, the average Joe's out here, if you're waiting to become a millionaire before you get married, not, or before you court anybody, I'm not saying that's an impossibility. But I believe the average person, like the average, at least I think like male, is making like 52,000. Like $50,000 a year. You know what I'm saying? So you need to be realistic, right? Going back to one of the other points, you gotta be realistic and say, okay, what are my financial criteria? Maybe I'm willing to take a steady regular income and no debt and like, let's do it. This is one of the things I liked about, I appreciated about getting married young. At 22 was because when you don't have nothing, you don't have nothing and you're not worried about it. Right? What you're looking for at that point is just solid work ethic, knowing that this person is not lazy and you go, okay, we can grow because you're not lazy. You got ambition. You gotta get up and go. You not afraid to go clock into the job if you have to bet. We are not. We are not gonna starve. That's what I would, that's what you need, friends. We're not gonna starve. You want to see someone that has some type of financial acumen that or at least doesn't have any spending problems. Amen. So if you got some bad spending problems, if you don't got any financial planning, you got nothing saved up. You've got a 300 credit score. This is my, maybe this is why people don't wanna deal with you. Just wanna remind you of these passages. Passages. Again, I have learned in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content and having food and arraignment. Let us therewith be content. Let our, let your conversation be without covetousness and be content with such things as you have for he have said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. So be realistic in your financial expectations and with yourself if you have. Good financial, uh, hygiene, if I can call it that, or habits, good financial habits. This may be keeping you single, but let's be realistic too and not get outta control here. Let's, let's learn to be a little content as well. I wanna say to you, look for good stewards versus wealth or riches, like versus trying to become this millionaire. Just have good financial habits. Be responsible with money. And finally, number 10, enjoying solitude and avoiding stress or basically fear is keeping you in seclusion. Fear has you captive literally, emotionally, socially, romantically, you're just a mess. Fear has you. So enjoying solitude for some being single is perfectly a conscious and happy choice. You might genuinely enjoy your independence, the freedom to pursue your own interests, uh, without compromise, and the absence of the stresses and the fears and the risks that relationships can sometimes bring. I get it. Not knocking it that isn't a problem, per se, to solve, but rather it's a, a preference, but. I want to just draw your attention to the scriptures and God said, it is not good. That man should be alone. I will make him a help me for him. Friends, that was imperfection. So you've gotta get along with God, a figure out, man, am I single out of fear, a fear of commitment, a fear of being hurt, a fear, and the list goes on, et cetera. Am I alone because I'm selfish. I've been alone too long, lived by myself too long now, and now I'm enjoying this solitude, and I just don't have the energy. And I got friends that are single too. You know, the widows and friends, people I know. It's like, Hey, you know, do I really have the energy? Do I wanna put all that energy into this man? Getting to know somebody? Oh my goodness, maybe traveling. Oh man, gotta know that. Get to meet the family and oh, oh, oh, yeah. You just don't want it bad enough. You just don't want it bad enough. And if that's where you are, don't complain about it. Embrace the loneliness. But I would encourage you and me to really ask God, God, do you want me to be? Single. Do you want me in this season of solitude? Is this from you or is this from my own selfishness? The word of God says, God said If the solitary in what? Families, don't forget that. If God wants to do that, allow him to do that for you, right? Preaching to the choir. So you've gotta be just in tune with the spirit of God and trusting. Allowing God to lead your life and to the point about fear, that the reason why you're single is because you have fear. What does the word say for God? Have not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind. This risk, friends, I'm not gonna lie to you, there, there is a bunch of risk that comes along with entering into a relationship. With another fallen human being, not gonna sugar coat it. Not gonna lie to you, but I wanna remind you that God have not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind. Second Timothy one, verse seven. That's how we need to approach everything in our lives, no matter if it's giving our testimony for the most high, uh, our job interview. Standing up against immorality, standing up for what's right or even entering into a relationship. We should not approach any of these things as if we do not have a God that is in heaven. Fear have torment. Friends love does not have torment. So there you have it, 10 potential reasons why you might be single, along with some powerful wisdom from the owner's manual. Which one of these resonate with you the most? Let, let me know down in the comments section and take some time to honestly prayerfully consider these points not as a checklist of flaws, but as areas for personal growth in understanding. I'm Gordon McGee. This is the No Pills podcast. Love fully scripted, and I'm signing off, and I'll catch you next week.