No Pillz with Gordon McGhee

Confronting Domestic Violence: A Deep Dive into IPV & Healing

• Gordon McGhee • Season 2 • Episode 86

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Ep86
Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
StrongHearts Native Helpline: 1-844-762-8483.

In this powerful episode of the No Pillz Podcast, host Gordon McGee confronts the serious and widespread issue of domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence (IPV). Inspired by a popular trend on social media, this episode provides a crucial, in-depth discussion on a topic that is often difficult to address.

Gordon shares powerful audio clips from real-life situations to highlight the reality of verbal and emotional abuse, as well as the threatening behavior that can escalate to physical violence. He emphasizes that this kind of abuse is never justified, no matter the circumstances.

The episode also delves into staggering statistics, revealing the true scale of IPV in the United States and globally. Key data points include:

An average of 24 people per minute are victims of intimate partner violence in the US, which translates to over 12 million women and men annually.

Over one in three women and one in four men in the US have experienced physical violence, rape, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Globally, around 140 women or girls are killed every day by a family member or intimate partner.

Less than 40% of women who experience violence seek help of any kind.

Gordon also provides a Christian perspective, explaining that while the Bible does not use the term "domestic violence," it strongly condemns the actions associated with it and advocates for peace, love, and protection within the family.

00:00 Introduction and Trigger Warning
01:35 Disturbing Clips of Domestic Violence
03:40 Analyzing the Abusive Behavior
06:53 Impact of Alcohol and Drugs
09:40 Emotional Control and Responsibility
10:55 Kidnapping and Control
11:16 Confrontation and Plea for Release
11:47 Analyzing Abusive Behavior
14:12 Statistics on Domestic Violence
15:18 Personal Testimony and Broader Impact
19:44 Biblical Perspective on Abuse
24:55 Creating a Safety Plan
26:32 Resources and Legal Considerations
29:15 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

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Thanks for listening & keep podcasting!

Hello and welcome back to the No Pills podcast. Love fully scripted. I'm your host Gordon McGee, and I'm so glad you're here today. Uh, we are not doing our usual intro, uh, because the subject matter today is such a, such of a weighty nature. In matter that I fear to diminish or take away from the solemnity seriousness heaviness that is associated with this topic. What am I talking about? Uh, something you've likely seen online. Maybe it is come across your feed on your TikTok or other social media platforms. There's a popular trend floating around with the song, um, man of the Year. It's shining a bright and, uh, often uncomfortable light on a very serious and widespread issue. Domestic violence, uh, which is now also being referred to as intimate partner violence, or IPV. I pray that none of you have. Experience this, who are listening to my podcast, but I'm sure that's not the case. While this trend is a powerful conversation starter, it's not a substitute for real help. And that's exactly why we're here today. Uh, we're going to dive deep into this difficult topic, and I want to start with a very important trigger warning. I'll be playing some. Clips a couple of clips, uh, with some profanity. I'm not even sure if I'm gonna edit out the profanity just because I, I, I want, I want it to be impact. Uh, so please, if you have little ones around or if, uh, this is a topic you are, you'd rather just not listen to. I, I understand. But if you do listen to this podcast around children. You have been warned. Let's get into these clips. Ingrateful piece of shit. You fucking moron. You think I owe you something? What the fuck do I owe you? Huh? What the owe you? Nothing. I dunno. You a goddamn thing, friends. This is terrible. If you've ever been a person who has been subject. To your own anger or passions or, or have lost control of yourself, raise your voice, spoken like this as somebody you say that you love. Boy, only if it could be recorded and played back for you. So you can see how much of a demon you are, how you are filled with a satanic fallen angel. If not, angels actuating your words. Listen, I know this is tough. I, I'm not, I'm sure there's some of you who not gonna make it through this, but we're on to our next clip. I'd love to just knock you the fuck out right now. I would. I'd love to. I'd love it. I love, should I call the cops? I'd love to. God. I'd love to. What is wrong with you? You're disgusting. You're despicable fucking trash. You should be in the fucking back with the trash fucking drew. You should be in the back with the trash treat you as well as I've treated you. And then you do give me nothing in return. I shut up. There's a fucking kid. I knock you the fucking out. I wish I could spot you on the fucking highway right now. I hate you. Nasty fucking foot. Nasty you all. My mom, you're just like her. My mom's a shitty fucking wife to my dad, and you'd be a shitty fucking wife to me. You've gotta ask a question and find out about a person's relationship with their parents. Friends. This is trauma being brought right into this relationship. Straight from home. She should be in the back with the trash. Just leave a person. Just leave a person, right? Why abuse them. Just leave them. Just leave them because you just fucking do whatever the fuck you want and I do whatever. I do everything. Take care of everything for you, and you don't do shit. He can't even name anything. Friends this man. Listen, ladies, men, for you two, we have to be a better discerner of people's characters. What they show you is who they are. You should never find yourself in a situation like this. Never. This man sounds crazy possessed and crazy. That's what you want. What do you take care of for me? You don't, you don't wanna take responsibility for anything. What do you take care of for me? For dude? Whatever you want. Yeah. Nothing. You're a narcissist, dude. Do you fucking hear yourself? Do you hear yourself? Do you, you don't you? I'm actually scared. You're gonna hit me. You fucking should be. Take me home. Listen. You wanna say with these clips, we don't get the whole story like what, what was said before after blase blah, but the things that he's admitting to on not knowing he's being recorded, right? Like this is all chopped up, but he is telling her, you should be scared that I'm gonna hit you. You should be scared. I read in the comments when I was, uh, going through this, preparing for this, and uh, one of the men in the comments said, men like this, never this tough with other men. Only this tough with women. I'm about to knock those fucking glasses off your fucking fat face, dude. No, she's fat, she's trash. I wonder how he looks. I wonder how he looks. Odd. You're despicable. I wish I could spit on you. Mm. Like you're, you're disgusting. How much of a fucking manipulator you are. How toxic you are fam. The only person toxic in this car, and then she ends the video with this. I think it looks like some type of two by four or something went through the back. What I'm gonna assume is of her car windshield, how broken do you have to be to stay in a relationship like this? I'm gonna ask the question again. How broken do you have to be? To stay in a relationship like this, you keep fucking arguing. You brought it back. Just shut the fuck up. Mm. So if I drink one beer on the drive fucking home, is it gonna show up in my fucking breathalyzer test? No. No, but you're arguing whatever the fuck I drink on the fucking driving. Why are you yelling at me? Because you're fucking dumb. Why do you have to cancel all the fucking fun out this?'cause I don't want you drinking and driving. Yeah, we're still having fucking fun. Are we not at me? No, we're not. Now, stop. This is no longer fun. No one's having fun. Family when I tell you to not. Court. A person who uses drugs or alcohol. This is why. This is why they're called spirits for a reason. This man's possessed friends. You hear me? Listen to him. Ladies, listen to him. Fellas, listen to him. I pray. If you're an alcoholic man, you find freedom today in Christ. This is crazy. It's outta control. Listen to him. One drink I can drink and drive. This your man. The alcohol has him. Why are you yelling at me? Do your fucking duties. Do not come home like this again. Or you're in there gonna fucking learn. What are you talking? Why are you talking like that, dude? The dishes? No, please. I just got home. I don't care. Don't speak me. Shut the fuck up. Get out of the house. Now. This is how we're doing this. Why is this? Why is it I just work not your property, and I'm not like your slave. Shout out to that sis. She just worked eight hours and your boy is talking about some Do the dishes right now. Barking orders at her friends. I wasn't in a traditional marriage. My wife and I both worked. Never in my life would I have thought to bark at my wife like this and say, you do the dishes. Now, when she just finished eight hour shift, if I got home before the dishes would be done, dinner would be made. It's not a traditional relationship, bro. You not in a tradi if you were in a traditional relationship. Friends, brothers. This is why women don't wanna marry men. This is why women wanna work and have their own. Mm-hmm. Because of men like this. Right? Not all women. I understand the whole feminist brainwashing. Cool. But there, but there's a section of women. They're like, yeah, I hear about this one time. I see this type of abuse going on. I'm good player. I'm good, brother. I'll stay right over here and be safe. I can do bad all by myself as they say. I'm about to be your property. Yep, so shut the fuck up and get outta my face. I do not like you right now. I want to fuck you up. Get out. Stop. I just gotta get you some space. And you locked in the door of my face. Yo, my blood pressure. And listen, listen, I don't, I'm not, I don't wanna come off as some goody two shoes, Christian. You know? I mean, if I've had, I've had some dark, some, some dark times in my marriage. My wife was alive. But family, this, this is like, it's the verbal. It is, it is the threatening. It's the. It's great. It's wild, and let me say this, as a person, especially as a man, if you have not reached a place where you are in control of your emotions, you will behave like this. If you're in a place where you have not overcome anger, you're still a child, still thinking like a child, you have not become a man, have not surrendered to Christ, you will behave like this potentially. Potentially, I wanna say there's a higher potential that you will handle altercations like this coming from a broken place, maybe a single parent household, absentee parents. An emotional man is a dangerous man. Friends, an emotional man who can not control his emotions, is a dangerous man. And friends, brothers, all of us, all of us have the potential to behave like this. All of us, man. Women, it goes for you too. We have the potential to do it. You don't have any right to control me. Stop. I'm going home. No. Yes, no. Kyle like, boom in my purse. Stop there. Close the fucking door. No, close the fucking door. Let me go. I'm calling my mom. Close the fucking door. I'm not kidding. Close the fucking door. Let me go. This brother is kidnapping. This is a kidnapping charge. Absolutely. Hands down, kidnapping charge. No. Yes. I don't feel safe in here with you. Close the damn door. I don't feel safe in here with you. Stop. Let me go close the fucking door. No. Yes, no. Yes. You're not the boss of me. Let me go, dude. I'm tired of you doing this shit. You're so immature. Fucking stop. I wanna leave and you're not letting me leave. I don't have to be here. No.'cause you're fucking immature. So stop. Okay, let go of my bag kidnapping. This is kidnapping. I want to get in my car before I have an anxiety attack. Please let me get in my car. No, 'cause you're not fucking going. I just wanna sit in my car. No you don't. Kyle, please let me go. That's not what you're trying to fucking do. Please let me, I don't trust you. No, just please let me go. No, and don't fucking start with this waterworks crap. Does he even hear himself? Come on men. Do you hear yourself? See? See how crazy this sounds? Kidnapping. Don't start with the waterworks. You not having this energy towards a man, towards another man. Your sides are bigger. I guarantee you, you'll be on your back pockets. You don't have this energy towards like, this is, mm, I'm, you know what? I'm just so glad this trend came out. Like let it reverberate throughout all of the universe. I don't care what your significant other has done. There is never grounds to speak to someone like this, to treat them like this. Never. You can always just pack your things, leave, stop courting them, stop dating them. That's it. There's never an excuse for this. Let me talk to you right now. If you're in a, an abusive relationship like this, there's never an excuse for this. Never. I have one clip left that I wanna share with you, and this is how you should respond to an abuser. Ladies, men, I think the young man was drunk in this video. She responds a hundred percent the way you're supposed to respond to this. A hundred percent what you're supposed to do. And I'm kind of shocked too that I haven't seen more. Podcasts, podcasters in this space deal with this. Maybe I just haven't seen it. Maybe it's out there. Let me know in the chat if there's other people dealing with this. Watch this. Believe it or not, I can beat the fuck outta you whenever I want you. Please just listen. I can do whatever I want. You stop. What did you say? I can the fuck. Yeah. No. We're like, I'm moving that ass. Mm-hmm. He definitely seemed drunk. She grabbed his face, verified, looked him in his eyes. Say that again. Yeah, I'm out. I'm gone. Tules. Deuces. See you later. Friends, these spirits man, revealing what's in the heart of a person. Look, it's crucial to understand the scale of this problem. This isn't an isolated issue and the numbers are truly heartbreaking. Let's look at some current statistics focusing primarily on the United States and global data where it's available. In the United States, the victimization rates are staggering. An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner. Think about that for a moment. That's one person being victimized every two and a half seconds. This amounts to more than 12 million women and men over the course of a single year, over one in three women, or 35.6% of women in the us. Have experienced physical violence, rape, and or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. And for men with over one in four men, that's about 28.5%, having experienced physical violence, rape, and or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. I have a personal testimony about this. I remember when I was growing up, I was young. I, I was small, but I'll never forget this. My parents had some friends that lived downstairs from them, and we were living in Hawaii at the time, and the husband was being abused by his wife, who was significantly smaller in size and stature than him. She was probably like five foot tall. One day he came up. After an altercation with her, she had bust him in the head with a, um, if I remember correctly, a cross, a bronze cross, like Jesus on the cross, a crucifix, and he, he came up blood pouring from his head down his face. I will never forget this my entire life. I will never forget this. Like I was scarred. I was traumatized by this. This is real friends. So to all the men out there who. Who may feel ashamed get the help that you need. One in four women and one in seven men have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. And the abuse isn't always physical either. Friends, nearly half of all women and men have experienced psychological aggression from an intimate partner in their lifetime. Hence all the videos we just watched. Sexual violence is also a major concern with about one in five women having been raped in their lifetime. Of those victims, more than half, that's 51.1% were raped by an intimate partner. About one in 71 men have also been raped in their lifetime. This can also be fatal. Friends fatal. More than three women are killed by a husband or a boyfriend every day In the US an intimate partner violence accounts for about 15% of all violent crime. These demographic trends and risk factors show us that domestic violence. Doesn't discriminate, but some groups are disproportionately affected. Research indicates that domestic violence is an issue in all types of relationships, but several studies and national surveys suggest that LGBTQ plus individuals experience intimate partner violence ipv at rates that are higher than those of heterosexual individual, bisexual women. Then followed by lesbian women experience the highest rates of IPV. Over 40% of lesbian women and over 60% of bisexual women have experienced rape, physical violence, and stalking. While both men and women are victims, women are more often the victims of severe violence and homicide. Approximately four out of five intimate partner violence victims from 1994 to 2010. We're female. The abuse also tends to affect younger women more as women age 18 to 34, or most commonly abused by an intimate partner. This is why Satan wants to take fathers outta the home so that he can have access to our sons and our daughters and abuse them. Facts. Those who have spiritual discernment know what I'm talking about. You must first bind a strong man. Before you can take his household, certain racial and ethnic groups experience domestic violence at higher rates. Friends, this is, this is not just limited to America. These are not just American issues. Globally in 2023 alone, around 51,100 women and girls were killed worldwide by their intimate partner or other family members. That means on average, 140 women or girls are killed every day by someone in their own family. The World Health Organization estimates that one in three women worldwide has been subjected to physical. Or sexual violence by a partner or another form of abuse in their lifetime. It's also incredibly sad that less than 40% of women who experience violence seek help of any kind. Less than 40% sis. Tell somebody, speak to somebody you can trust. God can give you the courage and the strength that you need to get free. And when they do. Tell someone they are most likely to turn to friends and family with very few seeking support from formal institutions like the police or health services. So what does the owner's manual say about this? The term domestic violence isn't found in the Bible, but the scriptures contain clear teachings. That condemn abuse, violence, and the mistreatment of family members. The overarching biblical principles uphold the sanctity of marriage and family life, which are fundamentally. Fundamentally incompatible with violence. The Bible consistently associates violence with wickedness and sin. God's character is one of what peace, not violence, and those that love violence are seen as enemies of God. As Psalms 11, verse five says, the Lord tri the righteous, but the wicked in him that love violence, his soul, hateth, or Proverbs three, verse 31, tells us, envy thou not the oppressor. Choose none of his ways. We see in Genesis six, verse 11 that the world before the flood was corrupt before God and the earth was filled with violence, which shows us that the violence is a core part of humanity's fallen nature, and God was so displeased with violence. He flooded the planet in order to save the righteous. The New Testament provides explicit instructions for husbands to love and cherish their wives, which is a direct contrast to any form of harshness or abuse. Take Ephesians five, verses 25, 28 and 29, which says, husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. So ought men to love their wise as their own bodies. He that love of his wife, love of himself, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh. You hear me? Men talking to your wife like this, treating her like this. No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord, the church. And what about Colossians three verse 19? Husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. The Bible also repeatedly calls for the protection of the weak. This principle applies directly to family members talking to you. Psalm seven, two, verse 14. It states, he shall redeem their soul from deceit and violence, and precious shall their blood be in his sight. All those who have died at their hands of an abusive husband or abusive family member know that. It's been recorded in heaven and on the day of judgment, it will all be reckoned. And Proverbs 14, verse 31 reminds us he, that oppress of the poor reproach his maker, but he, that honor of him have mercy on the poor. The prophet Malachi, he speaks specifically to them who mistreat their wives with language that many scholars, friends. Interpret as a condemnation of domestic abuse, and it's found in Malachi two, verse 16, and it says, for the Lord the God of Israel sayeth that he hated putting away for one covereth violence with his garment sayeth the Lord of hosts. Therefore, take heed to your spirit that she deal not treacherous. The KJ v's. Use of violence here links the act of divorce to the mistreatment of a spouse. What I'm saying is this, while the KJV Bible doesn't use the modern term domestic violence, it forcibly condemns the actions associated with it. The scriptures promote peace, love, and protection within the family, and God is portrayed as the ultimate defender of the oppressed. So let's take a moment. Put your relationship to the test. The eight question love test. I want you to, to seriously examine your current relationship and see if it passes this test based on the words of one Corinthians chapter 13, which read Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, and always perseveres. And above all love never fails. Now, with that in mind, let's be honest with ourselves as we answer the following eight questions. Can we do that friends? First question, are you or your partner impatient with one another? Be honest. Are you or your partner rude and unkind to one another? Does your partner protect you or hurt you? Do you protect your partner or do you hurt your partner? Do you lie to each other? Are you or your partner only self-seeking in the relationship and everywhere else in your life? Are you and your partner easily angered? Do you or your partner keep a record of wrongs? Do you or your partner perform evil acts on one another or on the other? If you answered yes to any of these questions, the Bible is clear. You are not in a loving relationship. I'm not here to tell you that it cannot change, but you gotta know that you're, you're sick, that the relationship is sick, because if you don't know the relationship is sick, you won't be able to seek help. You won't look for help. So what should a person do if they are in an abusive relationship? Your top priority is safety. Your safety. It's important to know that you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you create a plan to leave safely and begin the healing process. You need to create a safety plan. This is a, a personalized, practical plan to protect yourself and any children from harm, and it must be kept a secret. It must be kept a secret. I'm repeating that from your abuser. Plan, your escape route. Identify the quickest and safest way to exit your home from every room and practice your escape routes. Avoid rooms with weapons or with hard surfaces like the kitchen or the bathroom. You need to prepare a go bag. Pack a bag with essential items. Hide it in a safe place where your abuser will not find it like a friend's house or in a locked locker at your work or gym somewhere. This bag should include important documents, ladies, men, like your driver's, license, birth certificates, and any court orders. Your also need money, credit cards, debit cards, and extra set of car keys. Don't forget any necessary medications for you or for your children. A change of clothes and a prepaid phone with a list of important phone numbers. Establish a support network. Confide in a trusted friend, family member, or neighbor. Create a cold word to let them know when you need help. Without alerting your abuser. There are also immediate resources you can turn to. These organizations provide free, confidential, and compassionate support 24 7. They can help you create a safety plan and contact you with local resources, including shelters and legal aid. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE 1 807 9 9 7 2 3 3. You can also text the word Start. S-T-A-R-T, all caps. To 8 8 7 8 8 or use the live chat on their website found over@thehotline.org. If you are a victim of sexual assault, contact the RAIN Organization, R-A-I-N-N. That's rape, abuse and incest National Network. 1-800-656-HOPE 1-800-656-FOUR 6 7 3 For my Native friends who are on the reservation for Native Americans and Alaska Natives. The Strong Hearts Native helpline is available and you can make that call at +1 844-762-8483. Was 1 8 4 4 7 6 2 8 4 8 3. You also need to think about your legal and financial considerations. Protective orders, also known as a restraining order, can legally require your abuser to stay away. Many organizations offer free low cost legal aid just to put that out there to help with protective orders, divorce and child custody. If you can work towards financial independence by opening a separate bank account that your abuser cannot access and begin to set some money aside. If you are married, I always encourage you to separate and attempt to get help before you divorce. But remember, your top priority is safety. If you are in a courting or non-marital phase and there are no children involved, break it off ASAP yesterday. I repeat your safety and wellbeing are the priority, top priority. Trust your instincts and make the right decision for your specific situation. You are not alone friends, and help us out there and pray to God that Jesus will give you wisdom and how to navigate your specific situation so you can get out of this abusive situation. If you're in an abusive relationship right now, man or woman. If you know somebody in a abusive relationship right now, man or woman, you're gonna send them this podcast. I wanna say to you, take action now before it is too late. Take the action now. Today, friends, I, I wish I didn't even have to make a podcast like this. You know, there's so much other stuff going on online and foolishness, all this, you know, hatred for men and women. This back and forth, this battle of the sex is going on. Friend. Some of the reasons that the way people are, the way they are is because of, of abuse, because of, because of this issue. So I hope I've laid out some practical things that you can do to, to, to better help God, to get you, get you outta this situation that you are in. I'm praying for you, friend. I'm praying for you, and I pray you never have this experience like we witnessed today on these clips. Keep looking up. Don't be discouraged. Ask God for courage so you can start to make these practical moves to get set free. I'm Gordon McGee and this is The No Pills podcast. Love, fully scripted, and I'm signing off. I'll catch you next week. Love you. Praying for you. Don't give up.