No Pillz with Gordon McGhee

How To Handle Breakups Like a Pro

• Gordon McGhee • Season 2 • Episode 89

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Breaking up with someone you love is one of the hardest things in the world, and it's a topic that's on a lot of people's minds. In this episode of the No Pillz Podcast, Gordon McGhee tackles this difficult subject from a godly perspective, offering guidance for navigating a breakup with wisdom, compassion, and a focus on your spiritual well-being.

He explores the reasons for ending a relationship, such as incompatibility, differing life paths, and unhealthy dynamics. While the Bible doesn't have a specific chapter on breaking up, it provides timeless principles to guide you through this emotional time, centered on seeking Godly wisdom, prioritizing your spiritual health, and acting with love and kindness.

Gordon also addresses the tricky question of whether to remain friends with an ex, outlining the pros and cons and offering key questions to ask yourself before making a decision. He emphasizes that healing often requires distance and that it's okay to prioritize your own emotional health.

This video is for anyone navigating a difficult breakup who wants to approach it with honesty, integrity, and faith.

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How to break up with someone you love. Should exes remain friends after a breakup? Well, there we have it. Let's, let's get into it. Crazy. We are back friends. Uh, we're tackling a topic that's been on the minds of a lot of people. From what I can see online, uh, this may be one of the hardest things in the world, uh, to go through or experience, and that is a breakup. And apparently people online wanna know how do you break up with someone you love? Now, the first thing that crosses my mind when I hear that question is. Why would you want to break up with someone you say you love? We often think of love as this feeling, this emotion that just happens to us. Uh, but the truth is love is a choice. You have to make that decision to love them every single day. So if you are in the courtship phase, uh, let's talk about some valid reasons to separate. Uh, one big one is incompatibility and differing life paths. Uh, you might love a person deeply, but if your life goes are miles apart, friends miles apart. Okay, that's a, a recipe for a heartbreak down the line. Another reason to consider a breakup if you're in this courtship phase is if things like lack of trust or unhealthy or toxic dynamics and behaviors exist this early on or in this part. Of the, the relationship or this phase of the relationship. Uh, a person with common sense will not choose to love a, a person whom they don't trust and who is treating them poorly in most cases, if, if you're coming from a healthy space yourself. But when it comes to divorce, there's one valid reason per the owner's manual. Given, and that is infidelity, cheating, breaking the marriage covenant. Now, where there is physical abuse in a marriage, I always say this, this is, this is me doing some deductive reasoning from the character and nature of God that I see scripturally. If you are getting physically abused in the marriage, I always say don't immediately divorce, but immediately get from under the same roof as. The abuser. It breaks my heart when I hear about someone who has been unli by a mentally unstable spouse or partner. Get outta there. Friends, your safety is first. Give it some time. By God's grace, maybe this person will get turned around, but you need to accountability. You need a third party involved. There's a lot of things that need to be in place. And I would do my best if, if, if at all possible, that I would remain separated until that person, to that abuser, that abuser stepped out on me or left me and broke the marriage covenant. But definitely I don't, I do not see God desiring you for no good reason, uh, to be under the roof of someone who is just physically abusing you. Safety first. Safety first. Now, before we go any further, um, it's important to remember, uh, the concept of dating or courtship in the modern sense did not exist in biblical times. Why is it important? Because we're pulling, we're pulling counsel from the owner's manual, so this is love fully scripted, the No Pills podcast love fully scripted, so you don't find a chapter. Or title or chapter entitled, no, actually no chapter titles in the Bible. But you won't find a section, uh, with the wording, verbiage, how to break up in the Bible. However, the Bible does provide timeless principles mm-hmm. And guidance. That can be applied to this very difficult situation. It offers a framework, friends, a framework for navigating relationships with wisdom, compassion, come on, and a focus on one's spiritual wellbeing. Mm-hmm. So let's break down some of this Godly advice. Why don't we. Alright, first thing, uh, you need to seek Godly wisdom and discernment right off the bat. Uh, the Bible tells us in Proverbs three, verses five through six, trust in the Lord with all th and hard and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths. This is. About prayerfully considering your situation and relying on God to guide your decision making. That's where you wanna be. That's where there's safety. Okay. When you feel lost and unsure, don't forget about James one verse five. It says, if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God That giveth to all men liberally and upright. If not, and it shall be given him. This is your invitation to pray for the wisdom you need when making such a difficult choice as deciding to separate from someone or end a relationship. Second thing I wanna share with you, focus on your spiritual wellbeing. The Bible cautions us in second Corinthians six, verse 14, bee not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. Hmm. For what fellowship had righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion have light with darkness. While this verse is often cited in the context of marriage, rightfully so. It can be applied to any close relationship. If a relationship is, uh, pulling you away from your faith or creating spiritual conflict, it may be a sign that this is not a godly relationship that you're involved in, and that this is not the one. In fact, first Corinthians 1533 says, be not deceived. Evil communications, corrupt good manners. If the relationship you're currently in is. Leading you to behavior is contrary to your faith. The Bible supports the idea of stepping away from that friends third act with love, kindness, and compassion. Friends, as a Christian, you, this should always be how we live, how we behave, how we treat others, how we interact with others. Uh, just because you are ending a relationship, it doesn't mean you get to throw away your Christian character. Be mean, be insensitive, be unloving. Colossians three, verse 12 says, put on therefore as the elect of God, holy and beloved, vows of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long suffering. Come on, patience. You are called to act with these virtues, avoiding bitterness and harm. What does Ephesians four verse 29 say? Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto what the hearers come on. This tells you to speak truthfully. But also with love and kindness, avoiding cruel words or blame. We're guilty sometimes, aren't we friends? Just because you're breaking up with somebody. You don't have to be a jerk. You don't have to be mean. You don't have to be evil, you know? You don't have to treat them like less than human if you've been in prayer the whole time anyway, calling out to God, there should be a mutual love and a mutual respect going on in that relationship. And you will treat them with that, the courtesy and respect that they deserve. Recompense no man. Evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men if it be possible, and as much as lieth in you live peaceably with all men. This encourages you to seek peace and not retaliate or seek revenge even if you feel wronged. That's Romans friends, even if you feel wrong. And my final point on this, allow for healing and trust in God after the breakup. If you're going through this right now, if some of you right now going through a breakup or having to make this decision, please know that in the Psalm 34 verse 18, it offers comfort and reassurance for you. What does it say? The Lord is nine unto them that are of a broken heart and save, such as be of a contrite spirit. God is with you. During this time of emotional pain, do not doubt that for one second. And Philippians four verses six through seven encourages you to turn your anxiety, come on in pain over to God. How? Through prayer, through prayer, friends, it says, be careful for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God. And the peace of God. The peace of God, which passive all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Look, friends, the decision to marry is one of the most in important in life and should not be taken lightly. So this is the purpose of you courting and getting to know somebody right, and being in a relationship with somebody of a romantic nature to determine. If this person is your spouse and it doesn't always work out right and. It's important that you're approaching the, the, the, the steps to marriage. Very prayerfully and very seriously. You should avoid blind love, okay? And rash passions. It's crazy. You should choose a, a companion who will support you on your spiritual journey as you should be supporting them a great way. Listen, a great way to do this. To make sure you, you, you, you, you're honing in on the right person is to ask yourself, will this union help me heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? Or is it decreasing my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If a relationship prevents you from growing spiritually or serving God more fully, it should be reevaluated. Straight up, it should be reevaluated. Don't overlook the importance of character. A lot of times we, we focus on the beauty, the outward, but we don't look to measure the inward. A person's character is the most. Critical factor in a relationship, as I've already stated, you, you, you shouldn't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever or with someone who doesn't have a pure noble character. Hmm. If you discover that your partner is not a true Christian or is a scorner of sacred things, you should sever the intimacy existing between you at once immediately. Friends, I mean. Even if you are engaged, if you've proposed and everyone said yes, and you're planning, and if you haven't crossed the threshold, if you, if you haven't said I do yet, get outta there while you can listen. While breaking an engagement is something that you know you do not wanna do, right? We just don't wanna do that. And it can be painful. It is painful if the promise was made. Contrary to the scriptures, though. This person's, you're unequally yolked with them, and it should be retracted without delay. It is far better to break an engagement in the fear of God than to enter a marriage that will dishonor your creator. The ultimate principle for courtship marriage in, in all relationships, for that matter, should be consecrated to God, should be centered on God. The, the sinner, the foundation should be God. That's the moral underpinnings, that, that guide and direct those interactions. And the goal is, is to lead one another into heaven, to to, to encourage one another into eternity. So if a relationship is hindering that purpose ended immediately, immediately, friends, and, and don't look back. Be, be clear, be loving. But don't, don't delay. Don't dilly dally. Don't drag your feet. Right? Get to it. Be prayerful about it. And if God has been in a relationship already, I think both parties will understand. Ending it immediately is the right course of action. Even if it's difficult. Even if it's difficult. And that leads. Us to our final question for today. Should exes remain friends after a breakup? Yeah. Modern relationship advice will tell you. That's a question with no easy answer. Uh, whether you should remain friends, depends on many factors they'll say. And what works for one couple might be a terrible idea for another. Let's look at the, the, the pros, the pro arguments. Uh, for a moment here, if you have a shared history and mutual respect and the relationship ended amicably, uh, there's no reason to throw away, uh, a good connection. I beg to differ question in that just you'll see, I dunno about that. Uh, if you have shared social circles. Or workplaces. Uh, staying friends can make things far less awkward. Okay. I could, I could get into that, right? That's something that's said out there. And of course, if you have children or, or, or family ties, being able to co-parent in a friendly, respectable way is crucial. So in some scenarios, you're gonna have to remain associates. There's just no getting around it. I get it. Uh, but where you don't have to do that, I, why are you doing that? That's what I'm saying. Uh, but then there are the, the, the cons, right? That, that, that, that have come from modern day counseling today in relationships. And here's some of the con arguments, you know, uh, the biggest hurdle is lingering romantic feelings. Come on. Makes sense. If one or both of you still have feelings, staying in contact can be incredibly painful. Come on and prevent you from moving on. It. It can. It can turn into a cycle of hope and heartbreak. Hope. Heartbreak. Hope, heartbreak. It's terrible. Okay, another issue. Is the lack of clear boundaries, like how do you set boundaries on this thing? A friendship can get complicated. Okay. Are you comfortable with them courting other people, for example, moving on past you, or will you be jealous? What if they want to talk about their new relationship with you? This can cause a lot of pain. Yeah, and then maybe you're getting jealous now. For sure. Finally, come on, think about this. Healing is a process. For many people, many regular old human beings like you and me, the only way to heal and to get over a breakup is with distance. Let's just be honest, friends, let's just be honest, doesn't make you a terrible person because you need distance. Trying to jump straight into a friendship can hinder the emotional process of letting go that needs to happen. Listen, you wanna be some psycho on the internet. Caught in 4K flattening tires. Mm. At somebody's job acting crazy. Come on. Blowing up somebody's phone, leaving crazy voicemails that are getting posted online so we can all see. End up on some T app. Yeah. So. To those of you who are desiring a friendship with an ex, I want to leave you with a few key questions to ask yourself. First one, what are your motives? Truly, honestly speaking, are you trying to stay friends because you genuinely value the person, or are you secretly hoping for a reunion? Be honest with yourself, friends. Hmm. Second question. Can you handle seeing them move on? This is a huge test. If the thought of them being with, uh, someone else makes you feel sad, angry, or jealous, you are not ready for a friendship with them. Was the breakup amicable If there was a lot of conflict, betrayal, or pain? A friendship is likely not in the cards for you guys. Man, it may cause, look, it may cause more harm than good, just keeping it real. For most people, a period of no contact is essential immediately after a breakup to allow for the emotional healing to take place. Friends. So I would recommend remaining acquaintances and not French, and even this may only be possible after a significant amount of time has been given, or time has passed. I believe playing with a person's heart is a high crime against heaven. So while the Bible doesn't have a specific manual for a breakup, it provides a strong moral and ethical framework for how you should conduct yourself in all relationships, including the ones that are coming to an end. The guidance is centered on seeking God's wisdom. Prioritizing your spiritual life and treating the other person with love and compassion, even when it's difficult. It's a risk to remain friends with an ex, and it's always okay to prioritize your own emotional health and say no to a friendship that you're not mature enough to handle. I am Gordon McGee. This is the No Pills Podcast. Love fully scripted of signing off, and I will catch you next week.