No Pillz with Gordon McGhee

5 Tips to be a Better Listener

• Gordon McGhee • Season 2 • Episode 91

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In this episode 91 of The No Pills Podcast, host Gordon McGhee shares five essential tips to become a better listener and improve your communication skills. This goes beyond just hearing words; it's about actively engaging with others to build stronger relationships in all areas of your life—at home, at work, in church, and even in your spiritual walk.

Gordon highlights the importance of active listening, which is the cornerstone of all good communication. He breaks down the five key principles for effective listening.

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In 3, 2, 1. Welcome back, beloved. This is the No Pills podcast, love fully scripted, where we talk about the real world romantic situations that you run into and apply timeless wisdom to navigate them. You know, we live in a. World that is just constantly screaming for our attention, for our time, for our thoughts. But in all the noise, how much are we truly listening to? How many things are we really giving our undivided attention to? Not just hearing, but actively engaging with what's being said to us. So today we are diving into the art of becoming a better. Listener, and I have five keys for you. This isn't just about being polite. It's a crucial skill for every part of your life, your relationships, all of them, your work relationships, your home relationships, your church relationships, even your spiritual walk. Needs good communication, let's get straight to it. Being a better listener is more than just hearing words. A lot of times we sit, we talk, we discuss, and we are just hearing words. Uh, it's about active engagement and conscious efforts to understand the message of the person, uh, who's speaking, whoever they may be. This is what we call active listening, the foundation to all good communication. So what does that look like in practice? First, you've got to pay attention. I know simple, right? Simple. But how often do we really do it? Put the phone down, turn off the tv. Find a quiet spots a place. Don't just stare blankly, observe their body language, their facial expressions, their tone of voice. These things tell you so much more than the words alone. So by taking in all the body language and everything else associated with the communication, you'll have a deeper insight what a person is really trying to communicate to you and perhaps how they're really feeling about a particular issue. Next, you have to show that you're listening. I'm not talking about, uh, a big performance here. You know, just a simple nod, a smile. Genuine. I see these small nonverbal cues show that you are engaged and that you're with them on this journey of communication. Wherever they're taking you, wherever the plan's gonna land, and hopefully they'll land the plane eventually. But you're there for the journey. You're there for the ride, and you are engaged, and you're not just there listening to words. And don't forget to use an open and inviting posture. An example would be don't cross your arms. None of this gives the closed off. Hurry up, make it quick. What do you have to say? Friends? I know these things seem so simple and we would we all agree and go, oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I would never do that. Oh, I shouldn't do that. But do we strive and struggle to actually put them into practice in the moment when we're a little angry, upset. Frazzled, discouraged, had the same conversation a million times. In those instances, are we putting these simple tips, these keys into practice? Because that's when it counts. That's when you need it. Then you, you've got to provide feedback. Alright? This is critical to making sure you're on the same page. A great way to do this is to paraphrase what they've said, like. It sounds like you're saying, or what I'm hearing is simple, easy, good stuff. Uh, you can also ask clarifying questions to get more information, but make sure they're open-ended questions, like how did that make you feel? Or can you tell me more about that? Don't forget to summarize periodically in the discussion you wanna summarize the main points to ensure. You both are on the same page and stay on the same page. Oftentimes friends discussions can just make all type of turns and end up going down all type of rabbit holes, and you, you may forget what you've even talking about. So the summarizing is good, just keeping the ship on course, navigating all the different thoughts that are going on, and maybe realizing, okay, we'll need to table a portion of this discussion for another time so we can actually maybe come to a solution. Land the plane on one issue so we can walk away with some practical follow ups and to dos. And this next one I have for you, this next key is a big one, and that is to defer judgment. Don't interrupt, don't jump to conclusions. Your goal isn't to prepare your rebuttal while they are still talking. Your goal is to simply understand their perspective. That's it. You just wanna understand their perspective. And our final key is to respond appropriately when it's your turn to speak, not before. Don't speak outta turn. Be honest and respectful. How often do you see communication just completely get shut down because someone was not being respectful of the other person. When someone disrespects you, depending on your personality, you just shut down. Some of you, you start seeing red, you know, you can't even remember what you wanna talk about anymore. Now you're just like, why am I being disrespected? Your choice of words, choice of tone of words, talking, to just hear yourself speak and not to actually communicate. Share your thoughts without attacking the other person or putting them down is what I am saying to you. Now, I wanna cover some common barriers to overcome. This all sounds good in theory, but you're gonna run into some, some hurdles. Okay? Now let's talk about these roadblocks. We all face them, okay? Being aware of these barriers is the first step to overcoming them, okay? Internal distractions, your own thoughts, your personal agenda, your emotional reactions. These are all internal distractions. You, you might be so busy thinking about what you want to say next. You're not actually hearing what they're saying to you right now. That's a problem. External distractions. The, the noise around you. You might be in the, the wrong environment. Uh, the visual clutter. Maybe it is too much distraction. You're trying to talk to somebody in the television zone. You're trying to talk to someone in their game, and you're trying to talk to somebody in their talk. No, that's visual clutter. Okay? The temperature, even in the environment, it may be too hot, too cold. You're just distracted all together. This is a, this is a one that probably doesn't land too much, um, in the romantic arena, I hope, but prejudice in stereotyping now, the stereotyping can fall into with this whole gender war thing we have going on. All women are, all men do this. All men are the, this type of thing hurting you. This is a hurdle. This is prejudice and stereotyping. Okay? Judging, judging a person based on their background. Appearance before they even get a chance to speak. This can shut down the whole, the whole process just shut down. In. My favorite, in my favorite, the fixing itch. You know what I'm talking about? The urge to solve all the world's problems. The urge to solve the problem or their problem, our problem immediately. It has to happen right now at this very moment. Some of us are a little. Possessive this way, but, but unless they've asked you for your advice, don't forget about this. Y your role is really to listen and, and not to fix them. And I wanna encourage you to come to the realization that only God can fix them. God is the fixer. I, I found that unless people get along with God and in, in, in the own quiet and with their conscious and the recesses of their mind, have an encountered a really. Think about what the issue is and then say, man, I'm wrong. Or to realize that no, they're not wrong. But that spirit of humility, that spirit of compassion, that spirit of reconciliation, a lot of times happens after the discussion, when that person is alone with their thoughts, when they're alone, with their thoughts, with God, information overload. Another, another roadblock. You want to be aware of this. Sometimes a person can present to you just too much information at once, making it hard to process. This is why you gotta kind of say, Hey, I don't know if we can cover all of this tonight. I don't know if we can cover all of this right now in this discussion, but let's circle back. Try to focus on the central points rather than getting lost in all the details, right? Be able to get upstream and say, okay, wait, alright, this is happening because of this. We're having this issue because of this and because I'm hearing this, but it makes me feel this way. And when you speak you, you're hearing this, it's making you feel this way, but what's the, what's the reality and are we being disrespectful? These are the type of things you wanna be careful of because too much information can happen a lot because sometimes we, we, we've let it. Be pent up inside of us. You know, we've held onto, held onto it for so long. Now we're just dumping. It's dumping, it's, it's, we we're trying to drink from a fire hose you may be saying to yourself right now. Uh, that sounds like a lot of work. That is a lot of work. I, I, I'm, I'm not a good communicator. I, I'm not a good listener. So I wanna share with you some of the benefits of being a good listener, why you should invest the time. Into becoming a good listener and a good communicator. When you master listening and overcoming the barriers, the benefits are incredible. And here's what I mean. It builds stronger relationships because people feel heard and understood. It fosters empathy and compassion because you begin to truly understand another person's perspective and you become a better problem solver. A more efficient leader. Men, I know a lot of times we get labeled as not being good communicators and shutting down or being too quiet. I wanna encourage us to realize that being a good listener and communicator makes you a better leader, right? How are you gonna lead your team if you can't communicate with your team? If you don't understand your team's weaknesses and strengths? You, you have to be a good communicator. You wanna be a leader. I've met many of husbands over the years who just don't wanna do anything. They wanna shut down, let their wives lead. They just completely just mums the word. You're not a good leader friend. I know we all have different type of personalities, but if you'd have chosen to get married, to have a family, raise a family, you must be a good leader as a man in particular now. When we talk about timeless wisdom, we have to look at the owner's manual. Oh, yes, friends, the Bible has so much to say a, a about this, about communication. But I'll give you a few key verses on this, on this topic. The first James one, verse 19. We, for my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear. Slow to speak. Come on. Slow to wrath. The message is clear here. Hearing must be prioritized over speaking and the advice directly links listening to what self-control reminding us that hasty speech often leads to anger. Right there, right there, packed into James. So true. I I, I just relate to this so much. Then, uh, we have Proverbs 18, verse 13. He that aneth a matter before he hear it, it is folly and shame unto him, friends, how true is this answering Before you hear, before you understand, thinking you already know, you just ripping off at the mouth. Don't know what's going on. I see this a lot online. I see this a lot online. If you're in a situation, a marriage like this, I'll pray about that. We can just slow down to speed up. This is a listen. This is a direct warning against interrupting and jumping to conclusions. Mm-hmm. Speaking before you fully heard. It is not just foolish, it's shameful. According to this passage of scripture, true wisdom is found in patience. Understanding the full message before you respond. Let me say this. I think there's times when we want to go do something else that we think is more valuable than this discussion, and we're trying to rush through it and we're not listening. Man, I need to go change the car oil. I need to go check the car to get done fixed, checked up. I need to go take the garbage out. I need to go build this thing, fix this thing. I have laundry to fold. I've got something to work on at work and I don't have time for this right now. So we don't have patience. One of the things I'll tell you, um, being as married as long as, as long as I was, you need to pray for the discernment to realize and recognize when you're having an important discussion. Right, or when an important discussion is trying to be had. So if you don't think it's important, a lot of times you won't see it and you won't give it the time and, and patience and attention that it needs because you don't value it. You don't realize that your spouse is saying to you, Hey, we need to have a important discussion right now. But once you realize and recognize that there is an important discussion that needs to be had and it's about to happen right now, make the time for it. Give it your undivided attention. Because there's no greater time than the present. You know, we're not promised tomorrow. Friends. I lost my wife at the age. She was 37 years old, okay? A little bit over four years ago, or over four years ago now. You do not have tomorrow. Make it count today. Okay, make count today. You recognize, and sometimes you know that discussion will start to happen. It's like, oh, I don't wanna have this discussion right now. It's like, oh no, this might be an hour of my life. Give. Yeah. I know you, you said you wanted to be married, so here you are. Ha. Get some. You're gonna have to give this an hour, two hours right now. Right now. Get into it. Lock in, put everything else aside. This'll have to wait. Why? Because you're married. You already agreed to this. Everything within reason. You know, I would hope you're not having to have three, four hour conversations every day in your marriage, but there might be a time and a season where that's just what it is. And so what would be, what would behoove you is to figure out how to communicate effectively and be an effective listener so you can master those times when you need to have those discussions. And finally, in Proverbs 15, verse 31. The ear that heif, the reproof of life, abide if among the wises. This tells us that listening isn't just about pleasant conversations. Come on friends. Some of us don't wanna have the conversation because we, it is not gonna be pleasant. It's not always about, oh, things are great. You're doing so fantastic. You're doing such a good job. Yes, that should happen. We should have encouragement for one another, but every conversation's not gonna be that way. It's about being open to correction and constructive criticism. A person who is willing to hear and receive rebuke will be associated with and become wise themselves. So my challenge to you this week, be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, practice active listening in your conversations. Big and small. Recognize when there's an important conversation happening and because it may not seem important to you, it may be very important to your spouse. Give it the time, attention, and patience its needs, and you'll be amazed friends at the difference it's gonna make in your relationship and in your own life. I'm Gordon McGee and this is The No Pills Podcast. Love fully scripted, and I'm signing off, and I will catch you next week.