Self Talk with Dr. Ray Self

Performance Identity is a Big Issue!

April 25, 2024 Dr. Ray Self Episode 169
Performance Identity is a Big Issue!
Self Talk with Dr. Ray Self
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Self Talk with Dr. Ray Self
Performance Identity is a Big Issue!
Apr 25, 2024 Episode 169
Dr. Ray Self

Do you feel like you need to perform to feel worthy? Performance identity is a significant issue that causes people to struggle with their self-worth. People with performance identity issues live life on a roller coaster, where they feel great when they're performing well but suffer when they're not. Dr. Self discusses how to get off this roller coaster, discover who you are, and stop trying to prove yourself. This crucial show can change your life. Performance identity affects millions of people, and it's time to stop performing and start accepting who God says you are! 

Psalms 139:14  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.  
 

The  International College of Ministry is now enrolling at www.icmcollege.org/enroll 

Click here to purchase Dr. Self's book – Hear His Voice, Be His Voice, or visit Amazon.com. 

Check out our new store at – www.icmcollege.org/merch  

Click here to purchase Dr. Self's book – Redeeming Your Past and Finding Your Promised Land, or visit Amazon.com. 

Follow and subscribe to Self Talk With Dr. Ray Self at our podcast website  - https://www.icmcollege.org/selftalk.  

 

Or our new podcast website at https://www.buzzsprout.com/2249804  

 

Help Dr. Self continue this show - partner at www.icmcollege.org/donate  

For show topic suggestions, email Dr. Ray Self at drrayself@gmail.com 

Enjoy free courses offered by the International College of Ministry Free Courses 

Show host bio - 

Dr. Ray Self founded Spirit Wind Ministries Inc. and the International College of Ministry. He holds a Doctorate in Christian Psychology and a Doctorate in Theology. He currently resides in Winter Park, Florida. He is married to Dr. Christie Self and has three sons and a daughter. 

Show Notes Transcript

Do you feel like you need to perform to feel worthy? Performance identity is a significant issue that causes people to struggle with their self-worth. People with performance identity issues live life on a roller coaster, where they feel great when they're performing well but suffer when they're not. Dr. Self discusses how to get off this roller coaster, discover who you are, and stop trying to prove yourself. This crucial show can change your life. Performance identity affects millions of people, and it's time to stop performing and start accepting who God says you are! 

Psalms 139:14  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.  
 

The  International College of Ministry is now enrolling at www.icmcollege.org/enroll 

Click here to purchase Dr. Self's book – Hear His Voice, Be His Voice, or visit Amazon.com. 

Check out our new store at – www.icmcollege.org/merch  

Click here to purchase Dr. Self's book – Redeeming Your Past and Finding Your Promised Land, or visit Amazon.com. 

Follow and subscribe to Self Talk With Dr. Ray Self at our podcast website  - https://www.icmcollege.org/selftalk.  

 

Or our new podcast website at https://www.buzzsprout.com/2249804  

 

Help Dr. Self continue this show - partner at www.icmcollege.org/donate  

For show topic suggestions, email Dr. Ray Self at drrayself@gmail.com 

Enjoy free courses offered by the International College of Ministry Free Courses 

Show host bio - 

Dr. Ray Self founded Spirit Wind Ministries Inc. and the International College of Ministry. He holds a Doctorate in Christian Psychology and a Doctorate in Theology. He currently resides in Winter Park, Florida. He is married to Dr. Christie Self and has three sons and a daughter. 

Welcome to another episode of Self Talk with me, Dr. Ray Self. This is a show that exposes and defeats the schemes of the enemy and believe me, there is a scheme that's after you. Stay tuned. Today I want to talk about compassion, or what happened to it. It's an important episode. I appreciate you listening and as usual, this show is sponsored by the International College of Ministry, full of Spirit and truth, now enrolling at icmcollege.org. God bless you, thank you for being with me.

 

[Music]

 

Okay folks, here we go. Let's have a word of prayer. Father, I thank you for everyone listening to this show. I pray that you would use me, that your Holy Spirit would talk through me, and that we would open up our hearts and our ears to hear what you have us to know, to hear, hear– us– let us hear your voice. Let us know what you want us to know. Receive what you would have us to have. We give you praise and honor. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

 

So folks, this-- I want to talk from my heart today. Whatever happened to compassion? I've just been watching a trend lately and I just want to share my heart with you about some observations, and you know, I've seen a few things in my 73 years and one observation is compassion seems to just be a lost art or just a lost thing. Um, just recently I've had some medical conditions and I've had to see some specialist. And it's interesting, um, today I was seeing a uh, physical therapist because of a neck injury that I have and the neck injury was extremely painful. So I proceeded, walked in, met the young man, and proceeded to describe to him what I had been through in the last week or so. And it was it was horrible. It was really, really bad. In fact, the pain was so bad that it crippled me for a day or two. I couldn't move, literally. And um, it was some of the worst pain I felt in my life. I tried to explain that to him and he goes, “Okay, well let's get to an exercise. We're going to try this and this and we'll take care of that.” And you know, there's a principle here because people want to do their job and they will do their job, but I think I would have felt better if he had shown a little concern and some compassion in his voice before he started working on me. Or you know the scenario, you go into the doctor's office, you wait and wait and wait, they finally come in to see you and you tell them how awful you've been and they go, “Oh, okay. Well, thank you. Let me– I'll get a prescription in for you for amoxicillin and uh, make an appointment in two weeks.” Now, here you come, you feel terrible, you just poured out your heart about what's going on with you and they literally show no concern at all. 

 

Am I the only one that's experiencing this? I don't think so. I see it all over the place. No real concern, no compassion, just look for a quick solution. Well, see, I've learned something over the years. People really are not as interested to hear what you will do for them if they don't think you care for them, okay? Care is critical and it's not the model that Jesus used, and we see in scripture, you know, multiple times Jesus moved by compassion and then He would heal people. M– Mark, uh, Matthew 14:4 [actually Mat 14:14]. It said, “And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and He healed the sick.” So what I see with our doctors - not to just pick on doctors, but I'm going to pick on them a little bit - I see yeah, they're willing to to give us the medication or the diagnosis to heal us, but they're not moved by any compassion. It's just a job. And folks, we need compassion. Jesus– there's– repeatedly it says Jesus was moved by compassion. Compassion motivated Him. See, compassion to me is tied in with love and sadly, everywhere I go I see people that are hurt and wounded and they share this with other people but you don't really see much compassion coming back. People say, “Well, you just need to call this particular number here,” or, “You just need to go, go see this doctor,” or, “you just need to uh,” you know, “just– you take this,” or, “do that,” but there's no compassion. And I think it's a key element. I think it's a key element in our healing, it's a key element in our life it's something that Jesus was moved by, compassion. And what I see in our society is we're moved by the task at hand. There's a task at hand, a job to do, but there's no compassion. And wouldn't it be amazing, wouldn't it be wonderful if we had doctors who were moved by compassion? Who were just uh… you know, the, the surgeon is doing the surgery because of his love and compassion, not just because of his skill - which skill is good - and because of his education because he gets paid a fortune for doing it, but maybe because he has compassion on the person, he's trying to save the life for. I’m not condemning a surgeon, but what I'm telling you is I think our society has evolved to where compassion is becoming rare. Um, I, I see it all the time when people are hurt wounded, trying to to tell somebody what's going on in their life, and it's like there's no empathy, there's no compassion. 

 

Now, admittedly compassion comes easier for some people than others but I don't think we have any excuse. As a Christian, we are called to love, we are called to be a witness of Christ, a model of Christ. And you would, you would see over and over and over again Jesus talking about and moved by compassion. Um, you'll see in um, Matthew 12:7. Jesus said, “But if you had known what this means, ‘I desire compassion and not a sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent.” Okay? Um, Matthew 9:36, “Seeing the people,” Jesus again, “Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them because they were distressed and dispirited, like sheep without a shepherd.” You'll see uh, Matthew 20:34 “Moved with compassion, Jesus touched their eyes and immediately they regained their sight and followed Him.” And so you see compassion was a big motivating factor in the life of Christ. But I'm not seeing it. Matter of fact, I'm seeing pastors without compassion. I mean, they're going to tell you the truth, and uh, they're going to say the right prayer, they're going to preach the right sermon, and they may show up at for the hospital visitation, but you just don't see compassion. You know, empathy, where you feel like um, you know, they're saying the right things, they're doing the right things, but you don't get the sense that they really care, that they are stirred in their heart, that they have sympathy, empathy, compassion for the people that they're ministering to. And folks, I want to tell you something. There's no excuse. Jesus was continually moved by compassion, we have no excuse. We must get back to compassion. I just, I just wanted to get this, get this out because I cannot tell you how many times I've seen it. 

 

Um, I had a pretty serious medical thing a couple of months ago, okay? And uh, they sent me to a specialist. I'm not going to go into all, all the details and stuff. And so you know, it's a, you know, I'm okay folks. By the way, I'm healed, I'm good so don't, don't say, “Oh, Dr. Self, what's wrong with you?” I'm doing good, I'm doing good. But I went to see this specialist and I had a pretty serious issue that I was– went to talk to the specialist. Well, it took me, oh, couple of months just to get in with the guy. You had to have the referrals, you had to wait for the insurance approval, then of course he's a, he's a very, very well-known famous doctor and he's all, he's all booked up. And so finally uh, I get the appointment, I get into the office and um, I wait and wait and wait in the waiting room. Then I wait in the examining room and finally, he comes in, introduces himself. And I've literally maybe got two sentences out of my mouth about my situation, he goes, “Well, here, let me, I'm going to get you some samples, I'm going schedule for procedure on the 27th, okay? Just uh, check, just see the nurse when you check out.” He was literally in that room maybe for 90 seconds. All business, no compassion, no– I

got no sense that he really understood where I was coming from or he understood the discomfort that I was in or even cared. However, I'm sure the solution he's offering is– maybe it's a good solution, but wouldn't I have felt better - wouldn't you feel better if you felt like the doctor actually had some compassion or empathy and he's just not doing a robotic response? I'm, I'm tired of it, folks. And I see this time and time again. 

 

You know, the, the bible says the Spirit of the Lord God is upon us to heal the brokenhearted and I see brokenhearted people sharing their lives. Not, not always, but sharing their pain, expressing their pain. And I see people in distress all the time and nobody really has any compassion. Now, there's times where people will do something– you know, you'll see a, a homeless guy, you, you, you'll give him some money. Do you have any compassion for this guy who literally lives outdoors on the street? Or the lady? Is there any compassion for them or is it just, “Wow, they're pitiful. I'll give them– I'll give them a little money they'll probably spend it on drugs. Okay, whatever.” I mean, do, do you care? Do you really care? Are you moved by compassion? Are we moved by compassion when we see these people in nursing homes, the elderly left alone, no family, no friends, nobody coming to see them all alone? Do we have compassion for them? Do we care? Do we have compassion for the people who have been abused? Abuse victims? Or com– compassion for the orphans? Compassion for the poor? I mean, do we care? Do we have that kind of compassion? Do we really care or do we just do what we're supposed to do? Do you give to St. Jude because of the children that are dying of cancer? We give to St. Jude but do we care, do we have compassion for those kids in St. Jude Hospital? Do we? Jesus would. Jesus would have a lot of compassion for them and He’d be moved to do something. 

 

I just feel like we're doing some good things and even as a minister, you know, we do good things, we say the right things, pray the right prayers, teach the right thing, preach the right things, lay hands on the sick, but I wonder what happened to the compassion. We need it, folks, we need it back. And to me… I'm a compassionate person so it's not hard for me to be compassionate. Now, some of you guys are truth-oriented - nothing but the truth so help you God. “Well, if you just know the truth that'll set you free.” Well, I'm going tell you something. The truth is not enough. Truth without compassion and love and grace is, is hard and cruel, actually. “Well, you just need the truth, it's the truth.” Truth's not enough. Without grace and compassion and love the truth will just beat you over the head. And some of us are just, you know, task-oriented. In other words, “I'm going to do what I need to do. I– I'll take care of it, I'll do this, I'll do that, I'll take care of this, I'll take care of that,” you know, “I'll send you a check,” uh, “I– I– I'll make the phone call,” but there's no feeling behind it. Or how about the ones that uh, how about the people who apologize, you know, admit they made a mistake but there's no grief, there's no, there's no feeling, there's no compassion. In other words, when I hurt someone - and we've all hurt people before - when I hurt someone, I have compassion over the person that I hurt. I mean, I feel for them, you know, I hurt them. You know, some of us go, “Well, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, my, my bad. I shouldn't have done that,” but there's no feeling in it. There's no compassion in the apology, there's no compassion in, in the, in the admittance of the of the issue and so… And, and it seems like our society's gotten so task-oriented and so functional and so high-tech, we're doing all kinds of things and we're, we're taking care of this, we're taking care of that, and the doctors are just doing the right thing and they're prescribing the right medicine and they're giving the right treatment, but there's no compassion. Not picking on doctors, but ministers are doing the same thing. We're, we're, we're doing everything we're supposed to do as ministers. You know, we, we're there, we're, we're preaching, we're, we're counseling, we're, you know, we're ministering, we're, we're baptizing, we're leading people to the Lord, but there's no compassion in it. 

 

Counseling is a big deal. You know, I do a lot of counseling and I've counseled people with some really serious stuff, but I have compassion for them, you know, I care. And I've been to, you know, I've been around counselors for, for many years. There's many counselors out there, they're going to tell you all the right things, they're going to uh, give you um, do a little psychotherapy, they're going to look for the inner issues, they're going to help you uncover the issues, they're going to give you some very sound advice and some things to do to make your life better, but there's no compassion, you know, there's no compassion at all. You see judges with no compassion, police officers with no compassion. You see ministers, pastors, with no compassion, doctors with no compassion, counselors with no compassion, friends with no compassion, teachers with no compassion, do you get the point? Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. I mean, we're Christians, we're Christians. We have no excuse. We have no excuse. 

 

I know this is a little bit of a soap oper– or soap box, you know, um… But compassion is something we can pray for. You know, maybe you're just not a naturally compassionate person… I don't know… I, I care about the hurt and the wounded, I care about people, I care. I don't want to see people hurt. When I see a friend hurt or family member hurt, I care about that. I, I have feelings for that. My heart reaches out to them. And so many people, they see a hurt person, “Well, let me see what I can do to fix that.” You know, sometimes it's not fixing the problem that we need to do, we need to show some love, some concern, some compassion, some empathy, and then we can fix the problem. You know, wouldn't, wouldn't it be nice if you had a doctor, a counselor, a pastor who had real compassion? Maybe you do and that's fantastic, but I can tell you right now I, I know a lot of pastors who are great theologians, great teachers, great preachers, great prayer warriors, cast out demons, heal the sick, but I don't see any compassion. And I think compassion is an element of love and we know that love is a commandment, amen. 

 

I hope this hasn't been too much of a, you know, trying to get on you; but I want to tell you something, folks. I'm tired of the lack of compassion I'm seeing in a lot of elements in our society. I picked on doctors, I picked a little bit on pastors and counselors, um, but you know, I've seen friends, teachers, leaders without compassion. And it just– I mean, I know a, I know some missionaries without compassion. I mean, they're going to do, they're going to preach the gospel, they're, they're going to plant churches, and they're going to do wonderful things in foreign countries but there's no compassion. There's a call which is good, and what they're doing is good, but it would be better if we felt compassion. Jesus did over and over and over. We see Jesus moved by compassion, not just truth, not just the need to take care of something. He was moved by compassion. I want to see compassion back more in the church. I want to see compassion back more in the medical field and in the counseling field. I want to see compassion back more in family, in relationships. Wouldn't it be nice if your boss had a little compassion? How about that? You know, for our employees and people that work with us. There's a lot of people that need love. 

 

Now, let me tell you something. Your love should be followed by action. I get that you know, feelings alone are not going to do a whole lot, but I want to tell you something. I love it when I run across somebody that I know has compassion and really cares. They care about others. Maybe they care about me. It's a big thing, it's an important thing. And so I want you to think about that. Let's don't become a compassionless society, especially as Christians, especially in the church. Amen. Amen. 

 

Heavenly Father, I thank you that our Lord Jesus, Jesus, was moved by compassion over and over again when He ministered here on earth. And Father, in the name of Jesus I ask you to help us. Give us an impartation of the gift of compassion, Father. Lord, let us see people and love people the way you see them and the way you love them. Help us to do our part. And Father, for those in important positions and leadership positions, I pray, Father, you would stir their heart, stir their spirit with the gift of compassion. And so Father, I thank you for each one listening to me today. And I know some of you are convicted that, “You know what? I need more compassion. I struggle in that area.” Father, I know it's your will for us to show compassion because that's what Jesus did. So in the name of Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, I ask you to give and stir and activate the gift of compassion on everyone listening to me who's ready to receive it now, in the name of Jesus. Thank you, Holy Spirit, in the name of Jesus. We thank you for stirring up our compassion and our love the way Jesus had and what He did. Our example so we can be like Him. Thank you for the gift of compassion. And for those who'll receive it, receive it now, the gift of compassion. Thank you, Jesus. Praise you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Amen. Amen. 

 

Well, thank you again for listening to my 164th episode of Self Talk. Are you going to show compassion? Are you going to work on that? Pray for that? Amen. I know you'll do it. God bless you. Thank you for listening.

 

[Music]

 

Well, I'm glad you listened to another episode of Self Talk with me, Dr. Ray Self. I thank you for that very much. Again, remember our sponsors and um, International College of Ministry. Check out in the notes the various links. We got a lot of free stuff you can get there. There's a free course downloads, there's a free ebook on our website, icmcollege.org. And again, if you'd go to our website, icmcollege.org/selftalk, there you can subscribe and please give the show a review and share the show with as many people as possible help us to get the word out. I think it's a good show and I know it blesses people but we need, we need more listeners, more downloads. I thank you again for listening to Self Talk with me, Dr. Ray Self and I pray God's favor and blessing on you wherever you go in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.