15. "Home School" pt3

Continuing the "Home School" mini-series, we jump into a not so straightforward talk on shooting straight when it comes to making cuts in relationships!  How do we deal with boundaries being crossed?  If trust has been breached, do we throw them away immediately or is there another option to consider first?

This time, it's all about measuring for cuts!

Chapters

• 0:08 Journey to the True You
• 10:17 Navigating Relationships With Wisdom and Faith
• 23:17 Words of Inspiration and Encouragement

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

you. Greetings, hi and hello everyone. My name is jason pizzi flair. I'm a speaker, I'm a podcaster and my life's work is centered around allowing the world to meet the true you by helping you think, speak and eventually live better than yesterday. We do this, first, by establishing a good reason why, a strong and powerful motivation to keep going when the going gets rough. Second, we need awareness and acknowledgement of what's holding us back. And, third, we need scalable steps forward as a reliable bridge between who we are right now and who we need to be tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that and the day after that. This, my friends, is how you go from stuck to thinking as, speaking as and living as, the true you. The True you. You're just going to be energized and refreshed to spend some time with family, or go on that hike that you've been planning forever, or maybe jump back into that hobby that you put down for too long. One of you, some semblance of rejuvenation, resuscitation, rehabilitation lots of re's, I guess or riz.

Speaker 1: 1:56

I'm grateful for any and all of you who choose to listen to this podcast and absorb this information, and even more so I am proud of those of you that take what I am, what I have the privilege of being able to share with you on these humble episodes, and apply it to your life. You, on these humble episodes, and apply it to your life. And even, furthermore, I applaud those of you that go beyond application and take it up to the next level, which is replication. You teach someone else, you model it for someone else, you encourage someone else to apply these same things, these same lessons, these same principles to their lives and, just like that, you're spreading positive change. It's a beautiful thing. And this is how we perpetuate the quote-unquote true you movement. Perpetuate the quote-unquote true you movement. This is how we get people like you and me to stop, you know, being inauthentic, to stop living in cognitive dissonance, where what you say or what you think does not quite match up with what you do, or, sorry, when what you believe or what you think does not quite match up with what you say or what you do. So, in layman's terms, it's putting up a front right, it's wearing a mask.

Speaker 1: 3:46

So today I on this episode I don't know if it's night for you right now listening to this in this episode, I wanted to present y'all another lesson, another gold, nugget of gold from homeschool, from my homeschool, which is a bit of a play on words in that it's the academy of home ownership. Uh, man, the property owners association university, whatever you want to call it, the Property Owners Association University, whatever you want to call it, it's the place where, because of all the housework that I'm having to do and all the things that I'm learning in this season of my life, I'm not just building on practical skills that will help me in the future or that will allow me to help others in the future as far as ways to use my hands and as in doing handiwork, but it's also teaching me to see certain parallels between work that we do in the physical and work that must be done in the spiritual or mental. Here's a great example for you when putting up drywall, you have to take or sheetrock, whatever you want to call it, I'll call it drywall. When putting up drywall, you have to make sure that, as you are drilling through the drywall and fastening it to the skeleton of the house, ie the studs, that you not only know where the studs are at, but that you are centered in those studs as much as possible, so that the screws and sticking out on the side, or improperly secured into the stud, um, which would create risk for it coming loose. Or, you know, just you, you want to be as center mass as possible, um, in whatever situation makes sense for it to be, for that to be the case, because that gives you the the greatest amount of security in installing that drywall. That in and of itself is a whole, you know, sermon and a half. I could say because, well, yeah, I won't get into it, but you could. You could say because, well, yeah, I won't get into it, but you could make something out of that as far as where you build your house, the sand or the rock. There you go.

Speaker 1: 6:33

But today I really want to focus on the specific ways that I had to cut drywall or chisel around certain edges to make room for outlets or light switches. We've all heard the saying measure twice, cut once. Right. Well, for me, a newbie in this space, still green, still wet behind the ears, not very confident in my craftsmanship, I hope I said that word right. I don't measure twice and cut once. Dear friends, I measure thrice and sometimes I cut twice. Measure thrice and sometimes I cut twice. Those are the accommodations I've had to make due to a serious lack in experience. I'm gaining that experience right now, but I ain't moving at lightning speed. So the reason I bring this up is because, I thinking about it, it reminded me of relationships or times where I've had to make some difficult calls, I've had to pivot and rescind certain amounts of access to certain individuals in my life. And here's where that parallel meets the drywall example. Measure thrice.

Speaker 1: 8:19

You have a goal that you have in mind. You want this piece of drywall in this place. You have a spot that you have in mind. You want this piece of drywall in this place. You have a spot that this person occupies in your heart or in your mind or in your circle right, and you're trying to place them in their proper spot, where they fit, where they belong. Whatever it is, they come in a certain size that does not fit the amount of room that you have for them to occupy and whether or not they are open to it.

Speaker 1: 8:58

You have to make the adjustments necessary on your end to say, hey, for this person I have to allow this much access and no more, or for that person I have to add on certain pieces to make sure that they fit. But this individual over here? Yeah, absolutely not. I cannot allow them to just stretch out as as as far as they'd like to. I cannot allow them to come into my life as they are, and by that I do not mean changing them per se. That's kind of where this analogy to a certain degree kind of falls apart, but not completely. I'm talking about not changing the person themselves, because we can't do that. We don't have that kind of authority or power. I'm talking about the amount of access that you allow to them in your relationship. And so, measuring thrice I liken that to number one gauging through God's eyes what this relationship is supposed to mean to you.

Speaker 1: 10:17

Secondarily, gauging through sound counsel, wise counsel, voices in your life that have not steered you wrong, voices in your life that care about your well-being and that are not so biased towards your well-being that you know they kind of sabotage your well-being by essentially promoting absolutely anything. You want no, you want people who have the you know, sit down and shut up card in their hands, that are able to tell you no, but that also are able to tell you go right. You want that to be your secondary. And then, lastly, you want to solidify your own opinion or your own thoughts about this person or the amount of space that that relationship is meant to occupy in your life. Even better, you want to run that number three and sift it, essentially sift it through or put it through the colanders, the colander of number one and number two. You want your thoughts to be your own? Yes, but cultivate them in such a way that they are influenced by minds, thoughts, principles, greater than yourself. Trust me, it's a G-code to life. It will save you a lot of heartache and a lot of trouble.

Speaker 1: 11:54

Now to the cutting part. The reason why I say twice is because sometimes well, not sometimes, practically any time, unless you're just that sweet with it, unless you're just that experienced, you want to leave some room for error. You want to leave some room for mistakes. You want to leave some room for adjusting. When I'm cutting out the holes for the outlets, I'm not always able to get a precise like guesstimation. Well, precise guesstimation that's a bit of a paradox, an oxymoron. I don't know what the I can't recall what the proper word for that is, but it can't be precise. And a guesstimation. That's my point. This is how my brain works, guys. Anyway, I haven't always been able to get a precise location for where the outlet or the light switch is meant to be cut out, and so sometimes I have to cut where I think it's going to go as best as I can measure it, due to my lack of experience, because I know there are better methods out there, I just don't have them, you know, available to my mind in those particular points in time.

Speaker 1: 13:21

I have to cut to the best of my ability. To the best of my ability, and because I know my ability isn't great, I want to cut, not, I want to cut with a little room to spare, meaning I want to cut it short, not deep. If I cut it too deep and there's a huge gap between the outlet and the, between one of the sides of the outlet and the drywall, then that's a problem that I've got to fill later on. No bueno, if I cut and the drywall is kind of overlapping the outlet a little bit or the light switch a little bit, all I have to do is take a drywall knife and shave off a little bit of that at a time and then adjust it, adjust it, adjust it, kind of like sanding it down essentially to where it's nice and snug.

Speaker 1: 14:17

That's where the measure thrice, cut twice, comes in and as it relates to relationships, especially when things go wrong, when trust is breached, you don't want to just absolutely burn bridges, depending on the situation, but most of the times you don't want to allow for a whole bridge a whole, you know, slew of memories and equity, relational equity to just go up in flames. But if wrong has been done to you, you have a duty to yourself to measure thrice and, if need be, cut twice, meaning cut it shallow first. Take some things away. Yes, not to spite or not to punish, but to protect yourself, to create boundaries, healthy boundaries.

Speaker 1: 15:36

Brief example is if someone is known to, um, just, you know, just a known, not necessarily a completely toxic influence on you, but they, they aren't the most positive person, let's just say that they aren't the most positive person. And they tend to rant, go on some crazy long rants about, just you know, the climate, politics or whatever, and it's just always bad, or mostly bad news for someone like that that you, unless for some reason, you have to be around them. You want to limit the amount of time that you're spending around them if upon you mentioning the fact that they are a little excessive in their negativity, and by that I mean address it first. Don't just ghost them, but try to address it respectfully. And if they're unwilling to change or unwilling to adapt to your request, for both of y'all's benefit, then that means it's time for the first cut. You start spending less time with them, intentionally less time with them, not cut them off completely.

Speaker 1: 16:45

Don't cut it so deep. Let's start the cut nice and shallow, just enough that you are able to control adequately control your mental health, your own peace, and how they get to affect your peace, if at all. And then, upon seeing the results of all of that, if they are still negatively affecting you, it's time for the second cut. So, whilst this does not like absolutely, you know seat itself perfectly on the analogy of installing drywall.

Speaker 1: 17:36

I just thought it was neat, the whole measure thrice, cut twice thing and and the fact that it absolutely applies to relationships Sometimes. Sometimes it's measure thrice, cut thrice. I don't really know what it, what the proper word would be for four or five or six. So somebody let me know in the comments. That'd be cool. But that's, that's. That's what I got for you today. That's what I got for you tonight, wherever you are, it's make the adjustment, assess, assess first. Obviously, self-assessment is good, self-awareness is good, true. But in all of that you want sound, wise counsel.

Speaker 1: 18:29

If you're not a person of faith, consider being a person of faith, because you, we all, I firmly believe, we all need to be a part of something bigger than we are. And I have come to find me personally that faith in Jesus Christ, faith in God the Father, faith in the Holy Spirit, the Trinity three in one. It has led my life. Following Christ has led my life in a direction of such healthy growth, difficult but healthy growth, that I cannot hear me. I cannot deny its results, I cannot deny its benefits. It's like comparing waking up every day and drinking just orange or grape Fanta, 24, seven, and then you try just water every day when you wake up, or you try juicing. Every day when you wake up, your body just come, just responds in a completely different way, completely different way. You have more energy, your mood is better, you see the world in a much brighter way. You know that is what following Christ has been for me. So if that's not you yet, that's okay.

Speaker 1: 20:20

If you're not ready for that conversation, that's also okay. Take your time. We'll be here, and so will God. He won't force you, that's for sure. But if you already are someone who believes, as I do, I encourage you and remind you that leaning on that belief should be one of the chief cornerstones in the, in our, in, in the, in the, the structure that is our decision making. Another cornerstone should be wise counsel that isn't from our own mind, and you know, obviously God can speak through other people. But I'm talking about taking the intentional step to seek mentorship or to seek brotherhood or sisterhood that isn't directly in your own house or, of course, not in your own head, since I've obviously said that. And then, lastly, ask yourself have a conversation with yourself, journal, whatever it is, get those thoughts out of your own mind and into a format that you are able to analyze externally. It makes processing that much easier and that much more streamlined.

Speaker 1: 21:59

Relationships, or whether you're cutting habits that you have or hobbies that you enjoy, but that may not be the most productive. So you got to cut a little bit to see how you perform with the first cut and then, if need be, cut some more and if, due to the cuts, it's gotten so small that it just doesn't make sense to keep it to keep that piece of drywall, toss it and get something else that is more sturdy, more stable. Hopefully that'll make sense. Hopefully that'll make sense. This I know this wasn't, you know, some one of the more humorous or super energetic episodes, but I genuinely hope that you received something valuable, because I believe what I've spoken on today or tonight is valuable, and it's something that I intend to apply today until the day that I die, because it has served me well.

Speaker 1: 23:17

So here I give it to you In the hopes that it will also serve you. Take this with you, share it with a friend, and may you begin to think as, speak as and eventually live as the true. You have a great day. Have a great day, have a great weekend, have a great week, have an even better life. Thanks for listening. Bye.