18. "Home School" pt6

Cabinets, shims, and an unhealthy helping of comparison!

This is what we talk about this time around in an effort to grant you a fresh take on what's going on in your own life and the many adjustments you may have made compared to others in similar spots.

Don't lose hope.  That's not all there is to your story, and your value lies elsewhere!

Chapters

• 0:08 Comparing Ourselves to Others
• 16:56 Embracing Individual Value and Growth
• 23:35 Empowering Your True Self

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

you. Greetings, hi and hello everyone. My name is jason pizzi flair. I'm a speaker, I'm a podcaster and my life's work is centered around allowing the world to meet the true you by helping you think, speak and eventually live better than yesterday. We do this, first, by establishing a good reason why, a strong and powerful motivation to keep going when the going gets rough. Second, we need awareness and acknowledgement of what's holding us back. And, third, we need scalable steps forward as a reliable bridge between who we are right now and who we need to be tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that and the day after that. This, my friends, is how you go from stuck to thinking as, speaking as and living as the true you, the True you in the school, the home school of Hard Knocks. My friends, I'm actively working on this house. My wife and I are doing our best to get back in here and complete our kitchen, complete our bathroom, complete our floors downstairs, and it's a journey and a half, my friends. A journey and a half, but today I'm talking about the kitchen.

Speaker 1: 1:52

I recently had to not only put together but mount the cabinets Thankfully, no overhead cabinets. I'm grateful for that. Right now, it was all just base cabinets, just floor cabinets. But even in that it was not as simple as I would like it to be. It wasn't just, you know, shimmy up these, these cabinets, up up as close to the wall as possible and then just drill them into the studs. Yeah, not as straightforward as I would like, which is an which is annoyingly a common theme with all this DIY stuff. I never realized just how off schedule, just how off plan I would end up being with a situation like this, where I'm having to do a lot of the work, where we are having to do a lot of the work ourselves. The unpredictables, the unforeseen, it's anyway kitchen, these cabinets. I realized that in mounting many of these cabinets, the walls weren't always completely like 90 degree off the floor and straight. In some places they they bulged out or they bowed in. It was uneven. And I thought to myself I don't think everybody's kitchen is like this. And I had to catch myself because I, if I didn't, I would have very quickly fallen into that slippery slope or that pit of the comparison game. Because to get my cabinet straight and level, to make sure that when the countertops are installed, that you know it's not going to be wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, baby wobble type of situation, right and so, with each and every single piece that I was mounting, it had to be level, and sometimes, sometimes, I had to use what are called shims. So imagine a 3d triangle. Uh, nah, nah, that's not the best way of putting it.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Shims are kind of like wedges essentially not kfc wedges, although I do miss those, but they are terribly unhealthy for you. But that's a whole other discussion. I'm rambling. Imagine wedges as in like a door wedge. There we go, but really, really slim and made of wood. You essentially use it to kind of well, yeah, wedge, whatever platform or box or cabinet, in this case, that you are trying to get level up just a little bit, or to the left just a little bit, or off the wall just a little bit. You don't want to make any major moves or major adjustments. And that's where shims come in. They're just to fill in the gap. They are for filling in the gap just enough so that when you screw it in it's not off. You know it's not improperly leveled, essentially.

Speaker 1: 5:16

So, with that being the case and the sheer amount of shims I've had to use for our entire kitchen cabinet situation, I stood back at the end of it and thought to myself this is a lot, and I doubt that everyone's kitchen is like this kitchen is like this. And for a very brief moment I fell into this, the, the, the pit or the trap of comparison. Have you ever looked at your own life in any particular area, be it physical fitness, mental toughness, spiritual connection or financial stability, and saw some glaring flaws, or at least what to you are glaring flaws? And then you look to your left, you look to your right, you notice your brother or your sister, or you notice your coworker or your boss in what you might describe as significantly better a position than yours. I can almost guarantee that your confidence was not boosted after said exercise in imagination. You see, a lot of us complain or not complain.

Speaker 1: 6:37

A lot of us, kind of, you know, sell ourselves short by saying, oh, I'm not creative, oh, I'm not creative, I don't have a great imagination, that's all a load of crap it is, it is. Let me not get too creative right now. I think you follow it is absolute nonsense is the PG where saying it. It is absolute nonsense is the pg way of saying it, because when we get into these ruts of comparing ourselves to others who we think or who actually are further along than we are we. We have no shortage of the different ways that those people or those organizations or those ideals or those results are better than ours. We become, you know, is it Magnum PI is like a detective, I can't remember. We become like the go go gadgets of how is this person or how is that situation better than mine, better than mine, or how is this individual better than me in this area, or even overall, if you're trying to really take a dump on your self-esteem.

Speaker 1: 7:55

But I would submit to you that in the case of my kitchen, yes, it took a lot of shims for my cabinets to be level, lot of shims for my cabinets to be level, but here's the bottom line they are level. I accomplished the purpose for which I set out to work To get level countertops. It took more work for me because I was doing this kind of stuff for the first time in my life Lots of YouTube videos and some texts and advice from other people who knew better later, and now I have some level countertops. Well, I have some level cabinets that are ready for some equally level, as they should be, countertops. Somebody else's kitchen situation might have been much simpler.

Speaker 1: 8:52

I don't know the conditions in which they had those installations made. Did they have prior knowledge? Did they hire somebody that had prior knowledge? Why are somebody that had prior knowledge? Did their walls, you know, come flat or properly built in, properly screwed into the studs, with no bowing and no bulging? Who knows? But even in their home there is some room, some alcove, some duct that isn't perfect. And even if it was all perfect, what business is it of mine that theirs is perfect or not perfect? Does it affect how well my air conditioning is running? No. Does it affect how well my range hood is venting out greasy air from my kitchen? No. Does it affect how well my fireplace works? No. Does it affect whether or not my door, my front door, creaks when it opens? No, what I do in my house affects all those things. What I do with my tools and my money affects all those things. What I decide to set my hands to do affects all those things. It has nothing to do with my neighbor's house. It has nothing to do with my sister or my brother's living situation.

Speaker 1: 10:33

The comparison game is a mission of self-destruction, self-deprecation. It's a self-defeating cause and it's pointless, it doesn't serve to better me in any way, shape or form. Now I am 100% an advocate of competitive comparison. Let me add healthy competitive comparison, because when you're trying to be the best in any particular field, you have to compare yourself to the results within the industry. That's called industry standards. That comes from comparison. But now let's make sure that when we are applying healthy competitive comparison, that it has to do purely and simply with the results, and that is all. When those results are equally as in or not equally as important, but are are, um, are held to the same level of importance as my own worth, then we have a problem. When how I perform determines how valuable I am. That's when the healthy competitive comparison becomes the toxic, the toxic comparison game. And guess what, guys, girls, we always lose in the toxic comparison game. We always lose. We never win, even let me give you an example Even in situations where you're better than the other person that you're comparing yourself to.

Speaker 1: 12:38

If it is the toxic comparison game, then that automatically means you're doing it out of a place of insecurity and therefore you are comparing yourself to somebody in a lesser position to you only because you feel inferior in some other area. Therefore, you need validation in this one, by putting someone else at a lower position than yourself. Validation in this one. By putting someone else at a lower position than yourself. It is just as self-destructive as comparing yourself to someone who's better in order to simply validate to yourself how worthless you are, which is a lie, by the way. It's a lie. It's not true. No one is worthless, and so I want you to understand this, as I'm giving you this example of my cabinets and how many dozens of shims I've had to use and cut and fashion in certain ways and get creative with how I applied them all, whilst wishing that I could pay somebody else to do this, all whilst wishing that my walls were just that.

Speaker 1: 13:45

Whoever installed my walls which many of the walls, by the way? I honestly that's a whole story in and of itself because I installed the drywall in my kitchen. So, oh snap, I dropped my phone. So some of it is my own fault, and that's ironic. There's an irony in that. Is it irony, or is it just tragic? That being said, I'm not 100% blaming myself for it, because the studs weren't even even in the first place. So the builders of the house are also partially responsible for how many shims I've had to use in my cabinets. Responsible for how many shims I've had to use in my cabinets. Man, this house has been a journey and a half, but guess what?

Speaker 1: 14:52

With all the shims that I had to use, with the creativity that I had to employ or apply in the installation of these cabinets, I've had to exercise resourcefulness. I've had to flex my creative muscles to reach a certain end, to achieve a particular goal, sometimes in your life let's take physical fitness, for example, in your life no, no, no, no, no. Let's do finances. In your life, you might have to get creative with how you end up creating a system to control your finances in a healthy way, to control your finances in a healthy way, to be better at managing what comes in, what stays in and what goes out, and whether what goes out is an expense or an investment. Is it going well? Yeah, that's all finance talk. But for you, because of how you were raised, or because of your personality, your natural propensity for either spending money, spending too much money or hoarding too much money, because both are extremes that are negative, by the way Because of all those different factors and elements, for you it might take being religious about using a budgeting app. It might take the investment of you know hiring someone to either do your taxes for you or teach you how to do your taxes properly. It might take taking an economics class or not an economics class, taking some sort of like a Udemy or a course online on personal finances to be able to learn how to better manage such things.

Speaker 1: 16:56

Those are your shims for your uneven financial walls because of your uneven financial studs. Guess what? The walls are my fault, but the studs were what I was given to work with. What you are born with, those are your studs. What you build on, what you are born with, those are your walls. And now the results you're trying to achieve and the work that it's going to take to get to those level countertop or level cabinet results. That's the work that you got to put in now and it's not going to look the same for everyone, because not everyone has the same walls and the same studs.

Speaker 1: 17:52

Does that make sense? So take a step back makes sense. So take a step back. Actually run. Sprint away from the toxic comparison game. Have a field day with the healthy competitive comparison, but run away from the toxic comparison game. It's not good for you. It it and it lies to you about just how valuable, just how amazing you really are. Don't listen to that. It's not true. Your performance is not always a direct reflection of your value as a person. You can't take how you perform at face value, even if other people can and will. You got to find your value somewhere else. You got to find your value somewhere else.

Speaker 1: 18:59

And for me, my value comes from my faith in Jesus Christ. My value comes from the fact that he calls me his own, that I am a child of God, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, that even with all my flaws, he still loves me, he still cares about me, that he still sends people my way to let me know. You know occasionally that I'm kind of cool, or that I'm funny, or that I'm caring and that I have a big heart, or that I have An intriguing vocabulary. He's sent people my way To tell me that that stuff doesn't just happen randomly or by coincidence, or quinky dink. It's all orchestrated to remind me of my value. Oh, but Jason, nobody's ever told me that I have a beautiful voice. Jason, that's cool, but nobody has ever told me that I'm pretty Well, here's your moment.

Speaker 1: 20:32

I may not know you, I may not be looking at you, but I know for a voice. Everyone, including you, has some amount of features, some version of looks that is attractive to someone. There is something. There are many things. But if you can't even believe me on the many, there is something. There are many things. But if you can't even believe me on the many, there is something about you that is beautiful. Whether it's the way your lips curl on the corners to smile, or the wrinkles that happen on the bridge of your nose as you laugh, or the way that your freckles dance on your cheeks as you're singing your favorite song, whatever it is, there's something about you that's unique and beautiful because it's on you, and I can say that with confidence because it applies to literally everyone. But don't take this as me saying it about just everyone. Hear me speaking to you.

Speaker 1: 21:48

You are beautiful, you are valuable, you are valuable, you are capable, you are creative, and I encourage you to step into a healthy, competitive comparison between who you will be tomorrow and who you are now Meaning. Let's backtrack that. Compare who you are now to who you used to be. If you're in worse shape, okay, guess what today's mission is Make a plan for how you're going to change that tomorrow. Make a plan for how you're going to change that today so that you can be different tomorrow. But if you happen to make that comparison between who you are now and who you used to be and you find that you are in a much better position than you used to be, then why not? Can we take a moment and just say good job, well done, I'm proud of you. You didn't give up. You didn't throw in the towel At least not completely, you know, because sometimes you walk away from stuff but you came back, you're still here, you're still standing, you're still standing, I'm still standing. That's so random, but I just felt it in my spirit and I had to put it out. And you are going to deal with it. I love you guys. That's it for my ramblings. I hope you learned something from my level cabinets that I'm very proud of.

Speaker 1: 23:35

Don't compare yourself to others in an unhealthy way, my friends. All of that starts in the mind and it manifests with the words that you use to describe your own value, which then affects how you live, how comfortable you feel in your own skin. Does that sound like any sort of process that we always talk about in this podcast. That is not the true you. So let's shift that, let's switch it up into something that is going to breathe life into your future, because there's someone out there that needs you to be your best self so that they can see it's possible for them too. It's true, it's true. Now is the time to think as, speak as and live as the true you. Thanks for listening.