23. TRU worry

It's no secret that we all struggle, and even less of one, that we all tend to worry about the very things we struggle with. Do you know how counterproductive it is to worry? No one is saying never to show concern or plan, but I hope to share with you just how detrimental the act/habit of worrying actually is.

Chapters

• 0:08 Overcoming Worry and Negative Thinking
• 13:24 Embracing Mistakes and Grace
• 18:58 Prioritizing Spirituality and Authenticity

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:08

you. Greetings, hi and hello everyone. My name is jason pizzi flair. I'm a speaker, I'm a podcaster and my life's work is centered around allowing the world to meet the true you by helping you think, speak and eventually live better than yesterday. We do this, first, by establishing a good reason why, a strong and powerful motivation to keep going when the going gets rough. Second, we need awareness and acknowledgement of what's holding us back. And third, we need scalable steps forward as a reliable bridge between who we are right now and who we need to be tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that and the day after that. This, my friends, is how you go from stuck to thinking as, speaking as and living as the true you, the True you.

Speaker 1: 1:20

We are back at it again. Although it is not 7am this Friday, it is still Friday and I am happy that I am still posting. And I will leave it at that Again, still figuring out this whole schedule thing, and at some point we will have a consistent posting time, but for now I am just simply keeping it to every Friday. I'm trying my best to make sure that my life is as balanced as possible, and sometimes that means being less stringent on in one area so that I can be more focused in others that matter a bit more for the season that I'm in. Hopefully that all makes sense. I won't rehash everything that I said in the status update, so if you're curious about what is going on, or some of what is going on, you can check out the status update episode.

Speaker 1: 2:10

Anyway, this episode I wanted to focus on worry and the fact that we shouldn't make a habit of doing that as often as we do. And hear me, I'm preaching to the crowd, not the crowd, I'm preaching to the choir on this one, because it is so dang hard. It is so gosh darned hard to not default to the reflex, when something goes wrong, of worrying about it, about the outcome, worrying about what people think, worrying about my own capabilities or my own limitations, or worrying about time, how little I have of it, or, in certain cases, when I feel out of my depth, how much I have of it that I don't feel I have enough substance to fill the space. Heck. Sometimes I feel that way about this very podcast that I don't feel like I have enough to talk about in this particular subject or that particular subject and I feel like I'm just throwing out hot air and filler. That worry serves me not. It doesn't help. In fact, it hurts, it holds me back, it limits my creativity, it seizes up my emotions and prevents me from being able to think clearly enough to see a way forward, to find the path forward, and I believe that it does something similar, if not the exact same thing, for you. So I wanted to share some encouragement to let you know A I struggle with that too. I am human, just like you, unless you're listening to this with your dog, in which case I'm human, just like your human person that is allowing you to listen to this podcast. Don't get sidetracked. I'm trying to relate. This happens to me too. And so, number two, you don't have to stay this way A lot of times.

Speaker 1: 4:26

A large part of breaking the bad habit is A obviously acknowledging that it is a bad habit, that it is something that needs to change, and B it is essentially coming up with the steps forward. What will you do about it? Don't just point to bad stuff. Do about it. Don't just point to bad stuff. Be a changer, be a world changer. Be a mover, a shaker, a goer, a doer. A what's the word? Harbinger? There we go A harbinger of growth, someone that brings forth growth, whether it's for others or even for yourself. When you do it for yourself, guess who benefits? Those who are connected with you Most immediately in closest proximity your family.

Speaker 1: 5:19

So when I get better at worrying less and being more active about changing the things that I'm worrying about, or acting on the things that I'm worrying about, or preparing and planning adequately and calmly about the things that I tend to worry about, guess who benefits the most. It's not just me. It's also my wife that lives with me, that I live with. It's also the friends that I interact with here and there. It's also the people that I meet on the street. It's also you who are listening to this podcast right now. You benefit from the fact that I'm choosing rather than worrying about what I'm going to do next or worrying about that. I didn't post at 7 am today that I'm deciding. Here's what I'm going to do about that. I'm going to maintain the consistency of picking the day and guess what you benefit from that.

Speaker 1: 6:14

So to further cement this, I just wanted some live reactions to some quotes that I looked up about, worrying that I just found ultra, ultra, super uber relatable. So just like they gut punched me, here comes yours. All right, so it's three quotes, and then I'll finish off with some good old biblical word. So quote number one is by Leo Buscaglia Buscaglia. There we go. Hopefully I pronounced that correctly.

Speaker 1: 6:46

Anyway, they said worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. I love that we're going to break these down afterwards. Number two, by Michelle or Michael de Montaigne there were many terrible things in my life and most of them never happened. Oof, that's another good one, and if you can relate to any of these, you don't have to say amen, but at least give me an ouch or something. Respond. Here we go. Number three, by albert hubbard the greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually fear. You will make one. Well, actually, let me read that again the greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing. You will make one good lord. These are so good, all right.

Speaker 1: 7:42

So back to number one worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. That is so true because worrying is kind of like punishing yourself. It's like going through pain twice. So you punish yourself the first time through how much you worry and focus on the negative aspects of whatever it is you're anticipating is going to happen tomorrow, and then tomorrow, if something does happen, that is bad. You go through the bad thing anyway because it has to happen, because it's just something you've got to go through, right. So now you've gone through it twice, the first time from all the worrying you did about how are you going to figure this out. This is what's going to happen if things go south and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, not really focusing on necessarily what could go right or how could this turn into my favor, focusing on necessarily what could go right or how could this turn into my favor, or how can I prepare for something that I for sure feel like is gonna go south? Okay, how can I be more stoic about this? How can I be more is the word pragmatic or more centered, more calm about this, as opposed to only considering unilaterally, considering the negatives?

Speaker 1: 8:55

I'm not saying ignore the negatives. I'm not saying never prepare for the bad. I'm saying just don't focus on it, because then that becomes worry, right, something my dad used to always tell me expect the, but prepare for the worst. You prepare for when things go south. But as far as where your mind, your meditation, is anchored, it's in the good, it's in the best. Expect the best. Have that be the main influence on your attitude. But as far as why you're getting into the gym, as far as why you're getting a better hold on your finances, as far as why you're eating better and taking more care of your body and avoiding food dyes and high fructose, corn syrup and all that junk, you are preparing for the worst, the worst being the passage of time, the worst being any sort of physical ailment in your future that you may not see coming. You are expecting to live a long and healthy life, but you are preparing as if that might not happen because of a hurdle that you couldn't see coming. Therefore, you want to give yourself the best chance of survival, the best chance at happiness, by preparing for the worst. Best chance of survival, the best chance at happiness by preparing for the worst. Hopefully that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 10:21

Let's move on to quote number two. There were many terrible things in my life. There were many terrible things in my life, and most of them never happened. I just love the sneaky coyness of this, of this quote. There were many terrible things in my life and you're just thinking immediately like, oh my gosh, what were those terrible things? And then they follow up with and most of them never happened. So those terrible things, a lot of those terrible things, most of those terrible things came in the form of mental self-torture. I'll read it one more time, then we'll move on. There were many terrible things in my life and most of them never happened. Have you ever noticed how often the very things that you are worried about, the very things that you are worried that that person will say that that person will do that that person will say that that person will do that that person will think? How often things turn out to be the either the complete opposite or just simply not even close to as bad as you thought.

Speaker 1: 11:29

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Speaker 1: 11:32

Reason why?

Speaker 1: 11:33

Because we're we're fallen creatures and we it. It. It's easier to just give in, it's easier to just let go and let the thoughts run wild. I, I know that just as well as you do. It's so easy to just fall prey to the negativity. Look at, look at our media today, look at how you've heard the term sex sells. Well, it's also true that negativity, fear, and and and chaos sells. All of that sells at a high price at that. So why would we delude ourselves into thinking that we're somehow twisted or broken because we tend to worry more than we tend to be positive? It's, it's, it ain't that deep. It's just that it's easier for our nature to to lean towards the negativity. So it's a, it's a skill that we've got to build up to do it the other way around. Now there are some people that have a natural tendency to be just a little bit brighter with their mentality or a bit more on the positive side, but it doesn't mean that they don't struggle, just as we all do, sometimes with the heavy thoughts some days.

Speaker 1: 12:56

But back to the main point. Don't stay in those heavy, dark thoughts as much as is possible. You know yourself, or, at the very least, if you don't learn about yourself, learn what gets you out of those mindsets, what gets you out of that negative um feedback loop I could go into. Like, my feedback loop is such a great example, but I don't really want to talk too long.

Speaker 1: 13:24

So, moving on to number three, the greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing. You will make one. This I just. I love it so much because, man, is it calling me out? I, I am a huge proponent for doing or in an activity, whatever it is, but one thing that constantly trips me up is fearing that I'm going to mess things up, fearing that I'm going to make a mistake, worrying about those potential future mistakes, those potential future mistakes. And, as this quote points it out, one of the greatest mistakes you and I can make my friends is walking around continually fearing that we're going to make a mistake, because the reality is A and, most importantly, realize, realize you are going to make mistakes. Oh my gosh, mind blown, it's crazy what I'm gonna make mistakes. Yes, yes, I'm going to make mistakes.

Speaker 1: 14:51

Man, I am not like I don't know if this is like too meta or whatever I it's weird, but I am not naturally this person that has an unshakable confidence and I just believe I'm so perfect. But do you know that, even with not being completely full of myself and have this delusional self sense of confidence, that, even with that, I am shocked, absolutely flabbergasted, when I make a mistake, as if I didn't already know that I am a being that is prone to making mistakes, that is prone to making mistakes? So then, taking this a step further. Why would I proceed to make my life that much more difficult by walking around thinking that I'm never going to make a mistake? It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense And't make sense. And I'm smarter than that, guys. I, I promise you I'm smarter than that.

Speaker 1: 16:02

But still to this day, almost every day, about a big thing or a small thing, I have to fight back, beat back those thoughts with a stick, trying to convince me that I shouldn't ever make mistakes, that there is no place, no grace, for my mistakes. And that's not true. Others may be flawed in the fact that they don't make room for mistakes for you, depending on the situation, habitually go out on paroles or you know missions where life and death are just another decision away, whether you're in law enforcement, emergency medical services, whatever it is. In those situations, yeah, the margin for grace is much thinner. But in your everyday interactions with those around you have grace for one another, because it's that lack of grace that creates this eggshell-y, hair-trigger world that we're living in, where you hear something that you don't immediately agree with and you think that your entire identity is is under attack. That's a whole other can of worms. But yeah, let's, let's wrap up with some good old word of the lord, shall we? We're in luke 12, verse 25 through 31, and let's do this because we are wrapping up. Here we go Luke 12, verse 25 through 31.

Speaker 1: 17:55

Who of you and I'm reading from the NIV version who of you, by worrying, can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the wildflowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon, in all his splendor, was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you? You of little faith, and do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink. Do not worry about it, for the pagan world runs after those things and your father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom and these things will be given to you as well.

Speaker 1: 18:58

Now I want to very briefly clarify that this does not 100 directly mean that you should walk around not going to work, not making money, not having a business, not making money, not doing whatever it is to get the funds to be able to pay your bills, to be able to feed your family, thinking that, well, the flowers don't have to, well, the birds don't have to, so I don't have to.

Speaker 1: 19:18

Not quite, there's more nuance to it, it's there's levels to this, but ultimately, the overarching message is don't stay so focused on getting those things that you ignore, pursuing what is most important, which is a relationship with your Heavenly Father, which is pursuing the kingdom of God, which is spreading the gospel, the good news that, despite our mistakes, despite our brokenness, despite the venomousness and toxicity-ness of this world and of ourselves sometimes, that God still loves us, that God still cares about us and that God has still given us a way to come to him, and that is through Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1: 20:11

To come to him and that is through Jesus Christ. So if that resonates with you, I encourage you to continue to listen to this podcast, because we will tackle any and all sorts of different topics shallow ones, deep ones, happy ones, sad ones. I've already cried once during this dang podcast. So yeah, that's not off the table. I want to be authentic, I want to be real, because how else can I then inspire you to think? As to think as, to speak as and to start living as the true you. Thanks for listening.