Mr. President: Okay folks, here I am! Waiting outside of the White House for this Aidoneus to bring his chariot so I can finally see this realm he wants to sell to me.

 Now, the truth is, I think this guy is a few Big Macs short of a Happy Meal. If he had enough French fries to fill a bucket, he wouldn't be promising to transport me in a chariot, or greet me with a platter of pomegranates. And I think that is going to help me come out on top! Yes, folks. That is going to mean Americans gain more land, even if we can't turn Canada into the 51st state. After all, this guy claims he is a king and has a whole realm of people just waiting to bow down to a new leader -- a leader who actually allows in things like the Golden Arches and golf courses! Imagine that! A leader who brings his people into the 21st century!

 He obviously has no concept of time! I've already been waiting for some 25 seconds. If he was my employee, I would've fired him a long time ago! But since he's going to sell me a realm, I'm gonna have to seem patient until we've struck a deal.

 So, while I wait for this chariot to come pick me up, let's sing ... something about my genius, obviously.

(Lyrics to I'm Such a Genius)

[verse 1] 

They call me the master, 

They call me the king, 

And throughout the world, 

My name, they all sing!

That’s why he called me, 

Desperate to retire,

Selling his kingdom, 

That was his desire.

[chorus] 

Why wouldn’t he sell?

Why wouldn’t he fold?

He’s using a playbook,

So terribly old, 

That he thinks taxes should be paid, 

And billionaires should be left to fail.

His people are ready, 

For a new leader to obey, 

They’ll call my coronation,

Liberation Day!

[verse 2]

I stand here and wait, 

Like a common man, 

For an old chariot, 

Instead of a golden caravan.

But he’ll soon see, 

Who’s running the show, 

When I offer him pennies, 

And he’s happy to go.

[chorus] 

Why wouldn’t he sell?

Why wouldn’t he fold?

He’s using a playbook,

So terribly old, 

That he thinks taxes should be paid, 

And billionaires should be left to fail.

His people are ready, 

For a new leader to obey, 

They’ll call my coronation,

Liberation Day!

[Bridge] 

I’m such a genius, 

Can’t the world see?

They’ll all be bowing, 

In reverence to me.

After buying this realm, 

I’ll take down the rest, 

Because making great deals,

Is my lifelong quest. 

[chorus] 

Why wouldn’t he sell?

Why wouldn’t he fold?

He’s using a playbook,

So terribly old, 

That he thinks taxes should be paid, 

And billionaires should be left to fail.

His people are ready, 

For a new leader to obey, 

They’ll call my coronation,

Liberation Day!

Yes, they’ll call my coronation,

Liberation Day!