Fireside Folklore with Hades
Once upon a time, gods and goddesses walked among us, granting their favor to heroes and creating sea monsters because … well, because they could. After one too many festivals was ruined by a vengeful Poseidon who thought the sacrifice of fish upon his altar wasn’t flaky enough, a hero bravely constructed a wall so thick and impenetrable that not even the most industrious of gods could breach it.
Fast forward to 2023 when, as part of a wager, Hades decided to leverage one hapless mortal’s brief misguided love of AI technology to convince her to create this podcast—a place where the gods, with their instinctively chosen voices, could recapture the ears, if not the hearts and minds, of people everywhere.
Here, you’ll find gods and goddesses playfully peddling products like Ambrosia Bites—guaranteed to keep you going on all of life’s treacherous journeys—and recounting folklore from around the world. From the spooky legend of Devil’s Pool in Australia to the whimsical and obscure folktale of a clever Sheikh in Yemen, you’ll find a treasure trove of folklore, both ancient and modern, traditional and twisted, on this podcast.
Hades, with his deep and somber basso profundo, narrates, while his madcap family lends their voices to the characters. In addition to the tale, each “regular” episode includes fun facts from Hermes, the psychopomp, who will share culturally significant information about each country or region visited. Persephone or Dionysus (depending on the season) will also share a recipe for something delicious to eat or drink, bringing the country’s delights straight to your dinner table. And finally, Zeus, the king of the gods, offers his Lightning Round, where you, our audience, can win a prize if you can answer correctly—no easy task when you must sift through the cacophony of these heartwarming and whimsical gods.
In the beginning, this podcast posted a story each week like clockwork, but after Hades realized that AI ghostwriters were killing the fun (and frights) out of the stories, he decreed that all future stories would be human-written. Though our earlier work is here for history’s sake, we may go back and redo them, for Hades, that unrelenting taskmaster, has both patience and time on his side.
In addition to the regular episodes, you’ll find hijinks from the rest of the family, and even some visits from the Roman pantheon, too. To put it simply: there will never be a dull moment here in this corner of Hades’s Underworld.
A labor of love, this podcast is a way to share the world’s stories, enjoy a few laughs, and chronicle one creative writer’s journey as she was initially bewitched by AI and reunited with her creative soul.
Please note that all “sponsorships” read by Zeus are completely fictional. This podcast, like storytelling by the fireside, will forever remain free from all monetization.
Fireside Folklore with Hades
13 Nights of Halloween: Night 10 - The Babysitter
Send over your dead SMS messages.
Greetings, listeners! We know! We're late getting this one out to you, but Halloween is my favorite holiday and having an excuse to prolong my celebrations is always welcome. As we eluded to in the PSA, Pluto and his family were tasked with retelling the famous urban legend, The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs. Of course, in Plutonian fashion, this story didn't come anywhere near to being as scary as the urban legend you likely know. Nonetheless, we had fun with this one and hope you enjoy listening to this quirky interpretation. As ever, those dead letters should be sent to Hades@firesidefolklorewithhades.com.
[Hades] (0:00 - 0:51)
Greetings listeners, we've finally reached the double digits. Welcome back to our 13 nights of Halloween event. We've reached night 10 and tonight my mischievous sister Hera has requested that my friend, or perhaps more like frenemy, Pluto and his family be allowed to get a second chance at performing the urban legend, The Babysitter.
I'm sure you all remember how the first attempt went, and between you and me I doubt that this second attempt will be any scarier than the first. But not all of Halloween has to be filled with nightmares and screams. So because my sister Hera and I have finally made peace after far too many millennia than I care to admit, I shall put aside my preconceived notions and listen with an open mind.
After all, Pluto's humor may be more frightening than the most chilling of tales. Friends, let the storytelling begin.
[Diana] (0:52 - 0:58)
Hello there, Vickie. Are you available next Friday night to babysit our children, Laura and Danny?
[Venus] (0:59 - 1:32)
Next Friday night. Hold on a sec, let me check. Jake, I'm going to babysit for the Kleins.
It's always such an easy job. They like to go on dates and pay top dollar just for me to hang out there and do whatever I want while Laura and Danny watch cartoons or something. Most of the time, they go to bed super early and don't even do anything.
It's literally the easiest money I make.
[Pluto] (1:33 - 1:37)
Oh? So what? You want me to come over?
[Venus] (1:38 - 2:00)
Would you? That would be so awesome! And lots of fun.
We could really enjoy our time there. You know, the Kleins are super rich, so they have a hot tub, a chocolate fountain, and a karaoke machine. We could totally have the most extravagant Friday night ever, and you could help me clean up the mess.
[Pluto] (2:01 - 2:23)
Really? All of that sounds incredible, except for the clean up. But are you sure the Kleins won't catch us and never let you babysit again?
We're going to the turkey trot dance, so you can't afford not to have that money. After all, you're going in a stylish dress and we can't forget the limo.
[Venus] (2:24 - 2:34)
Don't worry about it, Jake. It's going to be fine. Besides, I'm good at cleaning up after parties, remember?
We can make this work.
[Pluto] (2:35 - 2:36)
If you say so.
[Venus] (2:37 - 2:49)
Mrs. Klein, we'd be happy to. I mean, I'd be happy to babysit for you that night. Laura and Danny are such gems.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
[Diana] (2:49 - 3:06)
I'm so glad you're free. You know the drill. Make sure they're in bed by nine.
John and I will be at a six-course Brazilian tasting, then enjoying some of Beethoven's most famous symphonies, played by the local orchestra. We should be back by midnight.
[Venus] (3:06 - 3:09)
Wonderful. I'll see you then.
[Diana] (3:18 - 3:45)
Okay, I know you know the drill. To bed by nine. If they ask for a story, read just one.
If they come out for water, make sure you give them one glass. No snacks after brushing their teeth. The monster spray, if they think there's a monster under the bed, is in the linen closet.
If there's an emergency, try calling me, but if I don't answer, the number for their Aunt Maggie is on the fridge. Help yourself to a caramel apple. I made some for Halloween.
[Venus] (3:46 - 3:52)
Thank you, Mrs. Klein. You're too kind. I hope that you and Mr. Klein have fun.
[Jupiter] (3:53 - 3:56)
Vickie, will you play Candyland with us?
[Proserpina] (3:56 - 3:58)
Yeah, we love Candyland.
[Venus] (3:58 - 4:12)
Really? I have to play Candyland?
What about those cartoons they like to watch? Of all nights! Oh, of course. Grab the game, and we'll set it up down here.
Okay?
[Jupiter] (4:13 - 4:16)
Okay, and I want to play green this time.
[Proserpina] (4:17 - 4:19)
Okay, fine, but I want to go first.
[Jupiter] (4:19 - 4:23)
No, I want to go first.
The youngest goes first, and that's me.
[Proserpina] (4:24 - 4:26)
Yeah, but you get to play green, so I should go first.
[Jupiter] (4:26 - 4:29)
Yeah, but I'm younger than you.
[Proserpina] (4:29 - 4:31)
By five minutes, I should go first.
[Venus] (4:31 - 4:46)
For the love of gods. Okay, let's have some candy trivia. The one who gets this right gets to go first.
What candy bar has peanuts and caramel in it?
[Proserpina] (4:46 - 4:47)
Snickers.
[Jupiter] (4:48 - 4:50)
Baby Ruth. Everyone knows that.
[Proserpina] (4:50 - 4:54)
No, it's Snickers. Only dorks eat Baby Ruth bars.
[Jupiter] (4:54 - 4:57)
Yeah, well, only babies want to go first.
[Proserpina] (4:57 - 5:00)
That makes you a baby then, too, because you want to go first.
[Jupiter] (5:00 - 5:04)
You're just trying to go first. I'm not falling for your tricks.
[Venus] (5:05 - 5:28)
Okay, guys, let's play a game to decide this. I call it Candy Cane, Hot Chocolate, and Marshmallow. Candy Cane melts in Hot Chocolate, but crushes Marshmallow.
Hot Chocolate gets overrun by Marshmallow, but melts Candy Cane. Marshmallow gets crushed by Candy Cane, but overpowers Hot Chocolate. Are you ready?
[Proserpina] (5:29 - 5:30)
Okay.
[Jupiter] (5:30 - 5:30)
Cool.
[Venus] (5:31 - 5:33)
One, two, three.
[Proserpina] (5:34 - 5:38)
Yay, you had Marshmallow and I had Candy Cane. That means I get to go first.
[Jupiter] (5:39 - 5:41)
Fine, fine, let's play this.
[Venus] (5:42 - 5:45)
Saved by the bell. Hello?
[Pluto] (5:45 - 5:47)
I'll be there in an hour.
[Venus] (5:48 - 5:51)
Who's that? What are you talking about?
[Jupiter] (5:54 - 5:58)
Is everything okay? Who's that? Was it our mommy and daddy?
[Venus] (5:59 - 6:08)
Everything's fine. It wasn't them. I think it was a wrong number. Now, let's play some Candy Land.
[Proserpina] (6:09 - 6:10)
Okay, I'm first.
[Jupiter] (6:10 - 6:12)
Only take one card. One card.
[Proserpina] (6:12 - 6:14)
I am. Look, see?
[Venus] (6:14 - 6:22)
This is going to be a long night. Hello?
[Pluto] (6:23 - 6:27)
I'm going to be there in 30 minutes. Be ready for me.
[Venus] (6:29 - 6:30)
Who is this?
[Jupiter] (6:33 - 6:34)
Who was that?
[Venus] (6:35 - 6:40)
It was no one.
Now, it's time for you two to go to bed.
[Proserpina] (6:41 - 6:42)
Aw, but...
[Venus] (6:42 - 6:49)
Your mother said you had to be in bed by 9.
Just because I'm the babysitter doesn't mean you can stay up late.
[Jupiter] (6:50 - 6:51)
Ah, okay, fine.
[Venus] (6:55 - 7:11)
Man, they were a handful. Now it's time for me to relax. I wonder where Jake...
Hello? Hello? Who is this?
[Pluto] (7:11 - 7:16)
I'm almost there now. I'll be there in 15 minutes.
[Venus] (7:18 - 7:44)
Who is this? Who is this? If you don't tell me, I'm going to call the police.
Should I call the Kleins? Maybe I should grab Laura and Danny and get the heck out of here. Hello?
If you don't tell me who you are, I'm going to literally...
[Pluto] (7:48 - 7:53)
Very soon now. Are you ready?
[Venus] (7:54 - 8:07)
Oh my god, I'm calling the police. That must be Jake. It will be great to have him with me.
[Pluto] (8:11 - 8:14)
Vicky, I'm here. Did you miss me?
[Venus] (8:15 - 8:20)
Thank the gods you're here. I've been getting these calls from someone.
[Pluto] (8:21 - 8:30)
Vicky, Vicky, it's just me. Haven't you ever heard of that urban legend? The babysitter and the man upstairs?
[Venus] (8:31 - 8:45)
Are you kidding me? You were the one behind all those calls? You know I almost called the police, right?
Why, I ought to... Ugh, never mind. You owe me big time.
[Pluto] (8:45 - 8:56)
Alright, I'll use the chocolate fountain to make a great chocolate fondue with apple slices and pretzels. You go enjoy that hot tub. I'll join you in a bit.
[Venus] (8:58 - 9:08)
Fine, but if you try pulling something like this on me again, not even needing a date for the turkey trot dance will save you.
[Hades] (9:08 - 9:44)
Well friends, we hope you enjoyed Pluto's not-so-scary adaptation of the urban legend, The Babysitter. The voices for this production were Mrs. Klein aka Diana, Tiffany Kim - versatile and engaged narrator; Vicky aka Venus, Aria - sexy female villain voice; Jake aka Pluto, evil Jack Man; Laura aka Proserpina, Kawii Aeresita; Danny aka Jupiter, Marshall - Toon character. If you wish to support these artists, you may use their voices for your own projects on Eleven Labs.
Thank you and good night.
[Pluto] (9:45 - 10:03)
You know, Hades, that was actually a lot of fun. Thanks for helping me and my family get it together enough to put this on. Now it's my turn to return the favor.
Come on, let me see you smile and dance.
[Hades] (10:05 - 10:08)
[Laughs.] Dance? Do I look like a ballerina to you?
[Persephone] (10:09 - 10:15)
Come on, my love. It's Halloween. Besides, if it's your favorite holiday, you should be celebrating in style.
[Hades] (10:16 - 10:20)
Only because it's you, Persephone. If it's a dance you want, then a dance you shall have.
[Proserpina] (10:25 - 10:29)
Hey, how come you're not as nice to me as Hades is to his queen, huh?
[Pluto] (10:30 - 10:36)
Rats. Hades, how come you always gotta show me up?
