A Job Done Well - Making Work Better

The Power of Questions With Graeme Rainbird

• Jimmy Barber, James Lawther and Graeme Rainbird • Season 2 • Episode 20

Share episode

Send us a text

This week's special guest is Graeme Rainbird, a Leadership expert and self-confessed question addict.

Questioning is something we do daily, but with little thought, Graeme talks about the power of questions for shaping outcomes and relationships and gives some hints and tips for asking great questions. It's an easy but impactful win, so check out what Graeme says.

This episode was recorded a few weeks ago, so you'll also get an insight into our attitudes and ability to ice skate!

Get in touch with Graeme to learn more about the power of questions and all aspects of leadership. Contact: graeme.rainbird@peoplebusiness.co.uk or visit his website:

People Business: HR Consultancy - L&D Experts

,Hello, I'm James. Hi, I'm Jimmy and welcome to A Job Done Well, the podcast that helps you improve your performance enjoyment at work.

Jimmy:

afternoon, James, how you doing?

James:

I'm doing very well. Thank you very much. How are you?

Jimmy:

I'm very good. Very good. What you've been up to recently?

James:

Oh, I can. I can. I had the joy of the Nottingham Christmas market. Shits today. New Year's

Jimmy:

How much did that cost

James:

Oh, you? don't want to know. I went there. There is an ice skating rink. I am an Centre of Nottingham on New Year's Eve ice skating is a good place to get stabbed. I can tell you So that is what i've been up to. How about you?

Jimmy:

Well, I am. I had have a similar ice skating story when I was in Vienna a few weeks ago, and we went ice skating on the Christmas market. And, I've been ice skating since I was a little kid, but I wasn't bad when I was a little kid. Boy, 50 years later, is it a lot harder than you remember it being when you was a little kid.

James:

It's damn slippy that stuff, isn't it?

Jimmy:

And to add insult to injury, my other half, Vic, she was, she was amazing. She was like, yeah, leading me around. Like I was bloody Bambi. It was it was slightly humiliating. So yeah, there you go. Anyhow, today we have a special guest. Graham Rainbird. Welcome Graham.

Graeme :

Very good to be with you. Thank you for inviting me today.

Jimmy:

Well, just a little bit of a history. I had the privilege of attending a exec training course that Graham was running many years ago. And there were a number of aspects of this course that just were phenomenal in terms of helping improve performance which is what this podcast is all about. And so we invited Graham on to talk about one of these. It's of expertise. So Graham, you tell us a bit about yourself.

Graeme :

Do you know what, I have spent the last 25 years or so working in the realm of leadership and change. How do we engage? How do we create great places where people really want to do their best and they feel that they really make a difference? And really just kind of getting to understand a little bit about people and what makes people tick and how we can help people have the confidence to perform. I think that's, that's probably my passion. That's what I that's what I really love to do. Sort of unlock the puzzles of people a little bit and, and create places where people want to work.

Jimmy:

Well, we're very lucky to have you here. James and I were discussing topics for future podcasts. And power of questions, which is what this is all about, was one of those things. And we decided rather than it being amateur hour and James and I bumble our way through we would get in you as an expert in this. So over to you, Graham.

Graeme :

I don't know about expert. I think the word I often use is addict. I have become transfixed by questions. I think questions are fascinating elements of life and how we engage with people that don't really get the attention that they deserve. So, yeah, let's have a chat today and see if we can sort of share some of that addiction, that fascination. If maybe I could ask the two of you a question just to start us off. If I was to ask you, what are questions for? Why do we ask questions? What would your off the top of your head answer be?

James:

I suppose for me it's to find something out, to interrogate the situation, get some more information.

Graeme :

Absolutely. Yeah, we are. If we want to learn something, find something out, then we ask a question. Absolutely. That's what I love the word you use as well. Interrogation. You know, there's a particular.

James:

Well,

Jimmy:

pure, James. Pure James!

Graeme :

that we could go down.

James:

that's that's what the, when my wife asked me a question, that's what it feels like, you see.

Graeme :

So,

Jimmy:

you, never you, you've never been,

James:

Not at all. Never.

Graeme :

it's true though. Questions can feel like an interrogation when we're too full on with them. Jimmy, what would you add in? Yes, questions have to get information, what else are they

Jimmy:

probably add in we ask questions to make people feel comfortable about the situation to, make them open up, make them, share stuff about themselves or about their situation.

Graeme :

Absolutely. So I think I, I ask this question of people a lot. What are questions for? And I would say that nine times out of ten, the first answer that people will give is, well, we ask questions to get answers, to get data. Sometimes they might say to clarify something, so hone in on the detail. And then as we continue the conversation, actually questions are far more than that. Our questions Jimmy, I think from what you were saying, they, they build a relationship. So I don't think it's, it's not a conversation that we ordinarily have we don't normally talk about questions. So I think we're doing something slightly unusual when we turn the spotlight on our questions. If. I was sat with you on the sofa, Jimmy, and I, and you got up and I asked you, Are you putting the kettle on? What's the purpose of my question?

Jimmy:

You're clearly asking me to put the kettle on.

Graeme :

If I'm sat in a restaurant and the waiter asks me, Would you like a side dish with that? What's the purpose of the question?

Jimmy:

Order a side dish. You haven't ordered enough food.

Graeme :

If we're in the

Jimmy:

you something.

James:

No, he's got a target. That's what it is.

Jimmy:

Yeah.

Graeme :

Yeah, I'm trying to hit my target. If we're in the pub and I don't know that pubs reminiscing the other day. You used to get thrown out of the pub come 11 o'clock. And the landlord

James:

That was before my time though.

Jimmy:

if

Graeme :

you already gone home at 10 o'clock. The landlord would, would loudly ask, haven't you lot got homes to go to? And it's not really a, it's not a curious question. It's not, he doesn't really care about your domestic situation. It's an instruction. So the, the point I'm trying to make is that we are very sophisticated in the questions that we ask. We ask questions all of the time. They're the fabric of our conversation and a lot of our questions are not about finding out information. They are about. nudging us to do things. You know, the waiters trying to nudge me to spend more money. They are about building relationships. They're about getting to know people. So in, if we, if we turn the spotlight on questions, we don't need to learn how to ask powerful and influential questions. I think We all know how to do that. What I do think is interesting when we talk about it is just to switch the light on and help us all remember the power that our questions have. Because when we, when we remember that, then actually we've got a really useful tool. Whether it's at work, whether it's at home it's an underrated tool. And I think that's what I love to do is to switch the light on for people to help them think about those questions.

Jimmy:

and that's, and I guess that's just go back a stage, Graham. That's what really struck me is when I was on this course what struck me was every day we will ask questions without a shadow of doubt, but we put very little thought into those questions to really make sure they are as effective as they could be. And then when you actually start doing that and putting thought into your questions, the things that change around you and the possibilities it opens up were really scary. And I just spent an hour time after thinking. Why did I do this 20 years ago? This is ridiculous. Sorry, James, you were gonna say something as

James:

well. I was just thinking this You said we're very sophisticated at asking questions, but presumably we were very sophisticated understanding the implication of questions as well Because both ways his own

Graeme :

Yes. Yeah. Where are you heading with that?

James:

no, I was just I was just I suppose I was just thinking it's Well, it is. Are you, are you putting the kettle on? No, is not the right response. Is

Jimmy:

Yeah.

Graeme :

Yep. Yes. Yes. So if I ask you, are you putting the kettle on? I'm, I'm not the puppet master. I'm not, that, that isn't me then pulling the strings and, and sort of inextricably forcing you into the kitchen, but it is giving you a message. I would like a cup of tea. You're nearer than I am. Would you go do it for me, please? It's sort of part of the negotiation of, of of how we get through our lives, I suppose.

Jimmy:

But I think in that one, in that one, Graham, though, it's a softer way of asking someone to do something for you. It's easier for me as the questioner and as the recipient, it's a little bit softer than being given an order. So there is a bit that like James is saying is, is how the question makes you feel as opposed to getting a command. It's different

Graeme :

I think that's, I think that's a very good way of putting it, Jimmy. Yes. Yes,

James:

about leading questions, isn't it?

Graeme :

maybe I could tell you. Maybe I could tell you a story that I think was part of me switching the light on, if you like, many years ago. And then actually be quite interesting. Jimmy, you've referred to this session. We did this discussion we had 20 years ago. I'd love to hear some questions or examples from you. How have you put this into practice? But maybe I'll give you a bit of a chance to think. I was It was a Friday evening. I jumped in a taxi. I was coming back from work somewhere. And I was heading across town. I'd had enough of that week and I just wanted to get home and the taxi driver, as taxi drivers do, started talking at me. And so I wasn't really engaged in the, you know, consciously in the conversation, but he asked what I was doing at the weekend. I asked him what he was doing at the weekend and he said he was doing some decorating. And a bit of my brain that used to be a decorator was sort of engaged in conversation. And I, I asked him, Oh, what room are you decorating? And he said he was doing the bathroom. Oh, a bathroom. I've done a few of those. They tend to be the worst, absolute nightmare. What are some of the problems that you're having? You know, working on this bathroom. Oh, it has been difficult. The plumbing's not working properly. We've had that. Actually, we haven't had any water for a week. Not had any water. Oh, that must be creating some real inconvenience. You know what? You know, what problems is that causing? Problems? You haven't heard the half of it. The bath's been in the bedroom for the last three days. You know, my wife banged her toe this morning. Oh, I bet your family are getting frustrated. Like, oh God. Yeah. Do you know what? I wish I'd never started. And it was at that point I sort of clicked into the conversation that I was having on automatic pilot. And I realized that this happy, chirpy taxi driver that I joined, jumped into his car sort of 10 or 15 minutes before, was now sort of regretting some of his life choices. And I felt a bit responsible because I could see the conversation I had had, had sort of left him in this sort of minor state of, you know, So I, consciously then switched on and I asked him I asked him, you've been, you said you've been working on this for three weekends now. I bet there's a bit of it that's looking really good. You know, what are you really pleased with? And he said, well, you know, when you come up the stairs and the bathroom doors open, I'd have to say it does look rather smart. Okay. That's good. Your your wife must know that you work really hard. You know, my assumption is a taxi driver, long hours, and yet you do this you know, you, you, what does she say about you putting this effort in? Oh, she knows, and it is inconvenient, but she knows I'm trying to do something. For the family. When you've had problems before on this job, how have you solved them? Well, my cousin's a plumber, actually. Do you know what? If I give him a call, I reckon he could come and get this sorted out this weekend. I could probably get the job finished this weekend, if I tried. And that's when he got me to Waterloo and I jumped out of the car. So the questions drive the conversations, whether we are aware of them or not. And maybe it's just something that everyone can do more when you're sat on the bus, just listen, when you're in the shops, in the New Year's sales, just listen to the conversations people are having and the. that drive and lead where the conversations are going to, because, because that's what they do.

James:

Well, that's interesting. It reminds me of a conversation we had. We had a chap called Hugh Allion and he he coached his process improvement, but what he does is he has a very fixed set of questions where he goes through. Which get people to think about their problems. I suppose the point is he's steering the conversation By those very questions and that I suppose is exactly your point

Graeme :

Yes. And what a great question in whatever language that works for you. Where do you want to go? Where do you want to be? Because actually, if you listen to people's conversations, I think one of your previous podcasts has been about the value of looking at what's working. And, and I think we often ask, Effectively, why do you regret where you've been? Which is not as good a question in my view as, as the where is it you want to be actually directs us somewhere tangibly more useful.

Jimmy:

You, if you think about a conversation with a member of your team, about last year. if you have a, a performance conversation, you say, tell me all the things that didn't go well for you. What, went wrong last year? That has a certain thing versus some of the things you're proud of that you achieved in last in the last year physically and mentally, emotionally, you'll have a very different reaction to each of those questions.

Graeme :

And it doesn't stop there because you can also ask for you, when we're raising a glass at the end of 2025 and we're looking back and saying, wow, what a great year that was. What could you do even more? what's the next step up? What's, what's going to make this a great year? How do you build on? So, but it is. the questions and if we just ask the easy thoughtless questions we often shift back into well why didn't it work and what went wrong and what what what didn't work because i think that's part of the human condition in a way

Jimmy:

Yeah, and just to your question that you were going to ask me I was struck when we went through this many years ago how much we did it without thinking about it. And then when you actually start to think about in ahead ahead of time, the questions you want to ask how it changes the outcomes that you end up with. When you have one to ones with people, which, if you do prep, then often you think about what are the things I need to tell James when I catch up with him, it's these five things. So you are immediately in broadcast mode as opposed to what are the five questions I want to ask James. It creates a completely different sense of the relationship. It opens up the conversation much more. The other person becomes very engaged as opposed to right. You're gonna broadcast. Let me get my pen out and take my list of things to do. For me, it was just the practice of thinking about why, why am I having this conversation first off? What can I then ask as well as I couldn't get away from the fact I have to tell some people some stuff, but get balancing out with, I'm gonna have three questions on our three things I want to tell them. So another good example is when I would go out on site visits the people they sit you next to. frontline teams. I want to know what's going on. I don't want to hear the usual management bullshit that you get about. Everything's great. Everyone's fantastic. I want to know what's really going on on the ground. And we talk a lot about, observing and getting close to the work. That's all well and good. But if you haven't got the questions that unlocks what's going on, you will hear it. It's okay, the system works well, we are serving our customers really well. Actually, if you, when you sit with somebody, if you get them comfortable, one of the great questions was, what's your, what's your favorite claim? What's your favorite case? What's your favorite customer? Something that was personal to them, but related to the work. Everyone has them, and all of a sudden they'll open up and they'll start talking to you about stuff.

The show you're listening to right now. Brings you insights to help you improve performance and enjoyment of work. It takes a long time to produce, but we think it's well worth it. It's all in the name of helping you get your job done. All we ask in return is that you share the link to the show with someone that you think would benefit from it. And if you haven't already click on follow the show, wherever you're listening to this podcast right now. Anyway, let's get back to the show.

Graeme :

I think, Jimmy, you, you illustrate a couple of things, and I'd be interested to hear if these have come up in other conversations that you've had, it seems to me that this, this thing you're saying about broadcast mode,

Jimmy:

Yeah.

Graeme :

I think we feel we're adding value when we have the answers and when we're telling people what they need to know. I was talking about a leader the other day and I asked somebody who, who was reporting to them, how did your conversation go when you were suggesting this new way of working? And they said, I didn't get a chance to raise it. They just, they spent the whole time talking to me. And I think that's the dynamic that we often get into. We think that the valuable thing is what we have to say. And often the value that we can achieve is when we get other people to talk. Exactly as you're just describing in those different situations. What's your favorite claim? What do you love about working here? What ideas do you have for how we could make it even better? And so it's the questions that shift the dynamic from people speaking at each other to having an actual conversation and building a relationship and having a dialogue. So,

Jimmy:

Well, before James himself tells us that he's made up an acronym, which he says is his. which is wait, why am I talking? I think that's, a really great example in terms of when you're interacting with people, why are you talking? Why are you not listening?

Graeme :

James, if I might, that's a question. If your acronym was, you know, I should not be talking. Even that internal question, even that internal statement, doesn't grab your attention in the way that a question for yourself does. Why am I talking, actually that's a good, why am I speaking actually right now? I think I need to hear from them.

James:

Well, it's usually ego that gets in the way, isn't it? Yeah, because I know what I know, but what you know is far more interesting, frankly, because Cause I don't know that, but it is ego, it's a, it's a mindset thing. So again, a question from me then, so can you bring this to life?

Jimmy:

when we talked, first talked to you about this episode was it was just as the the Greg Wallace. Scandal had, broken and we were discussing then, if you were interviewing Greg Wallace. depending on what your purpose of your conversation is with him would indicate the question you need to ask him, wouldn't it?

James:

Greg Wallace, just for those who don't know, is a BBC television presenter who's landed himself in a lot of hot water over his attitude to women.

Jimmy:

And his historic behavior on MasterChef and how when it came to light, how he blamed all middle aged women for their attitudes towards him.

Graeme :

We were asking ourselves, did he get no advice? You know, who are the people that were talking to him about? And if there's somebody there who wants to protect you, they might ask, you know, how do you think that's going to land? You know, what, what impression do you think it'll cut? It'll have if you, if you talk about the people that are complaining in this way, whereas if you are the journalist, who's gagging for a sensationalist story, then your intention and desire might be to get a lot more. And so the question that you asked might, might be quite different. If you're his lawyer, then it might be different again.

Jimmy:

Yeah. And if you're the BBC exec who wants to protect the BBC's reputation, your question will be different from his. Family from the police,, all of those different groups have a different question that they would want to ask him.

James:

But presumably what the bloody hell were you thinking is maybe not the best question.

Graeme :

well, if you're his partner, then maybe it is.

James:

yeah, yeah.

Jimmy:

fun, funny you mentioned that because one of the examples I had of, the power of questions was the work related one. the work example I had that's similar to this, not in terms of behavior, I hasten to act, but one of my team had, it had been reported to me that their behavior wasn't quite what it should be. And and so I call them in to talk to them and they were expecting the Ferguson hairdryer. just a bollocking that, they would get from me. And actually, that's how I felt. I wanted to shout. I wanted to, I was frustrated. I wanted to have a go. And actually, what I actually wanted was them to understand the impact of their behavior and not do it again so rather than go in and give them the hairdryer, I went in and thought about the questions I wanted to ask them What impression do they want to create with people? How do they want people to feel when they're interacting with them? So it was stuff like that that got them to talk to me about it. And they came to realization that actually, no, that wasn't how they wanted people to think about them. And I could tell from that that they had taken on board that that wasn't there, that the impact they wanted to have, and therefore they would do something different in the future. That's the sort of thing where I think, you unlock something completely different by thinking quite carefully about the questions you ask.

Graeme :

Jimmy, I love that story because in a way, the person that was most significantly influenced by the questions was you, because in that moment before the conversation, what actually do I want? And it is quite gratifying to be telling somebody off, maybe,

Jimmy:

Oh yeah.

Graeme :

but if it doesn't change their behavior, then that might just be for you. What's the point of having the conversation? If it's not going to shift their behavior or stop it happening next time, then, then. Actually, what's the point? So if, if what I want is for them to change their behavior, then actually them thinking it through and seeing themselves from a different light, which is a questions are great at that. What would our customers think if they'd seen, when they see you doing that, I don't know what the story was, but what, what's the impression we want to create on the new members of the team? Those things force us to sort of reflect on our behavior and The way we are perceived in a far more powerful way than you coming in and, raising your voice and telling someone that we know when we've been stupid, generally, we don't need somebody to tell us.

Jimmy:

So I guess we've, we've talked a lot about the power of questions, how commonplace they are, how thinking about the purpose behind the conversation is, is important. What are the practical hints and tips would you give people? Cause we do this every day. We don't really think about it as much. Yeah. Give us some other practical hints and tips. That's going to help the our audience, you know, ask better questions. Why

Graeme :

don't ask questions beginning with why or why not.

James:

Well, at the risk of being a smartass, Wait, yeah. Well, why not?

Graeme :

Well,

Jimmy:

I knew, I knew you were going to go there, James. So predictable

James:

Ah, no, sorry, I need to caveat that, right? So you should know that I am I am by training a process guy. And one of the big things we're always taught is the whole five whys thing. Which is, you know, interrogate down to get to the root cause or something.

Graeme :

and that's really helpful, James, because I think I think I'm I'm holding to two different things. One of them is there are moments when we're being scientific and we're trying to understand the world and the conversations we're having are about the facts and the detail. And by all means, go for your wise really try to understand what impacts what and how they link. Absolutely.

James:

Sorry to butt in, you should know as well that if you ask five whys in the go, it's very difficult to do without getting smacked on the nose. But there's another story.

Graeme :

Okay, well, maybe that does then link more into the, the other realm of the relationships and how people are, how we create an environment for people to really be confident, to be honest, to be thoughtful. In those contexts, when you're talking to your, in that example you were just giving Jimmy, when you're talking to that person, if you ask the question, why did you do that? What is the first word of their response going to be?

Jimmy:

Because

Graeme :

Because, because, so you're not in the, and which is why it's helpful from an engineering perspective, I think, James, why does it work like that? Because when you put this much force, it explains things. Having people explaining their behavior is not the same as having them think about their behavior.

James:

did you is very different to why did that, and one of the things I've found a lot is when something breaks, or there's an accident, or, you know, whatever screw up it might be, asking what caused that is a very much more powerful question than asking who caused that, because you're just, yeah, it just takes you down a totally different track. Which

Graeme :

I love, I love the new one. So actually another, a different suggestion I would make for people when you're thinking about a situation, you're wanting to approach it and you're thinking, Actually the question I ask could be really helpful. Think about your purpose, think about the direction and then write it down. Maybe even read your question out to somebody. Jimmy I'm about to go and have this conversation with James, it could be a bit awkward. I was thinking I might ask, I might ask him this, What do you think about this? And, and sometimes there are particular words or nuances. Let's fiddle, edit the question, so that it really gives the best chance. and You're quite right, James. Sometimes asking what, sometimes asking who. The risk with why is that it doesn't lighten people's thinking and make them thoughtful. It tends to embed people more in the opinion they already have. Why did you do it that way? Because you didn't give me the resources. Because I didn't have any time. Because that's what you told me to do. And we're sort of locking things down. It feels like an attack, actually. It feels like I'm telling you off when I ask why. And sometimes I might be. But often I'm just curious. I'd love to understand why you did it that way, but we're in defensive mode. So I think that would be another, that would be a tip. Don't ask.

Jimmy:

be careful about the use of Y what else have you got for us, Graham? Well, it's going to

Graeme :

So what other what other suggestion would I make? If I've just presented my vision to you and I'm telling you about the future and I want to check that you've understood what's been said, I could ask you the question. Do you understand what I've told you? How are you going to answer that question?

James:

I would answer yes and have it go away.

Jimmy:

Yeah,

Graeme :

So quite

Jimmy:

even, even if I don't understand, I'm saying yes

Graeme :

and rarely, but occasionally somebody might say no in case that's quite helpful because I can then go and explain. But the chances are you ask people, particularly when there's a bit of a power dynamic and I'm more important than you Do you understand? Yes, I do, because I don't want to say no. So. That, I would suggest, questions that can be answered yes or no are not really engaging people's thinking often. How might you reframe that question?

James:

What did you take from that presentation? Or what did you take from my explanation?

Graeme :

Simple as that, James. Simple as that. You're now in a dialogue, you're in a conversation, and what I love when I ask that question, I'm really thoughtful about how I communicate messages to people. But when I ask, what have you understood I'm saying? Actually, it's a great one to ask when you're giving feedback. I've just given you some feedback. These are some things that you're great at. These are some things you could probably pay attention and do better at. What's the message you've heard from this conversation? Quite often when people play it back, they, well, 50 percent of the time, it's not what I meant at all. with my thoughtfulness, it's not what I meant, but that's fine because I can say, okay, no, that, no, it wasn't that at all. What I was trying and we can go around the loop until we get to enough of a common understanding. So don't ask

Jimmy:

the use,

Graeme :

be answered yes or no.

James:

I can't do this session without asking my favorite question. Cause I know there are a couple of people who will just, their eyes will roll, but what is the problem we're trying to fix? So the number of times I've been in meetings and discussions and endless, you know, circling round and round and round and actually trying to get people just focused on the purpose. I think that's a really powerful question, though I probably don't ask it with as much tact as is possible.

Jimmy:

That's an interesting one, James, because you're a bit of a legend for that question. And, people do appreciate how that helps you focus. And the fact that that I've, I've seen that question move groups on. Many times when they get got stuck refocusing on what's the, what's the purpose? What's the problem? I think that's an incredibly helpful question. Yes, you might fire it like a bullet every now and again. You're also aiming to put a rocket up people anyhow. So I'm not sure that's not unintended in that instance.

Graeme :

And I would, I think it, I would agree with you, James. It is a question that we do not ask enough. Okay. What is it we're trying to achieve? In fact, I would I would challenge you, rather than waiting until you've gone round in circles half a dozen times and you're getting frustrated we could have a whole different conversation about meetings and how we make good use of people's time in meetings. But starting,

James:

Yeah. Yeah.

Graeme :

the meeting with, could I, could we just quickly go round and hear, What are some of the different purposes that people in this meeting have for giving their time today, not to assume this one purpose, but to assume that there are many purposes. And let's get them all out to start with

James:

Oh, that's a great question because there'll be so many people who would answer. I'm only here because my boss made me.

Graeme :

what in that, which is great. Ask that if that's what they say, then then say, I give you, and I've done this actually at many events to say genuinely, if that's why you're here, honestly, with no comeback, you can go. If really, if you think your time should be spent elsewhere, please go do

James:

because you're wasting your time, yeah,

Graeme :

because you're wasting

Jimmy:

and I, worked with someone who, who did used to go into meetings and said, right, why, why are we here? What's the purpose of this meeting? And then every now and again, they go, right, you don't need me for this. I'm going. not in a nasty fashion, just in a, no, no, you guys Can deal with this. You do not need my help to sort this out.

Graeme :

Yeah, I think that's a really, we don't need to wait. Let's be clear up front. I think, um, we have played with the structure of questions and the direction of questions and the language that's used in the questions. Let's also be clear, the relationship and the tone

James:

You

Graeme :

and the, You know, all of those other things. We can write a question down and it can look fine. And then I can come and ask it you. And it feels like a slap around the face with a wet fish. You know, so all of those things absolutely come into play. I think a lot of what we're talking about with questions, This isn't new. I'm not suggesting that there's any new clever model at the heart of coaching is questioning is a way of engaging with people that makes them draw out their thoughts and intentions and and challenges them from a point of view of what they're wanting to achieve and where where they're wanting to go. So I just just want to acknowledge that

Jimmy:

Well, it's, it's another classic lawtherism, common common sense, but not always common practice. And I think that's true in a lot of what we're talking about, I'm sure there'll be people listening to this would have been furiously nodding at certain points. But, you know, in all honesty, how often do we do all the things that we've talked about and are as thoughtful as we talked about? Very rarely, I would guess. Which is, which means that this is a massive opportunity for all of us.

Graeme :

Actually, if I hold up questioning as being like this realm of coaching, maybe what, what that means is, as we go through our lives, maybe more often we should be seeing ourselves that we have the potential to very lightly be coaching the people that we are working with, living with, in relationships with, that they are actually this, this questioning mode is just very gently, not in a big formal way, but just, you know, If we, if we were looking to coach the people that we're with rather than instruct them or order them or ignore them, then how does that slightly shift the sort of conversation we have? Because we're coming in with a question. I

Jimmy:

no, I, completely agree. That's a great thought. But when I think about my partner, I more think about, I'm entertaining, I'm her lover, I'm this, that, and the other. A coach? Maybe, maybe not, but I get your point.

Graeme :

It doesn't happen very often anymore, but every now and again, my wife will say to me when I ask a question, she'll say Graham, you're not talking to one of your clients now with a slightly hard edge. Right. But, but it's, you know, we have different roles at different times. I've not seen you as a lover and a fighter, Jimmy, but I can see that I could see you in those different roles and any impacts how we engage with people.

Jimmy:

So in summary, we've talked about why questions are important. We've highlighted some of the powerful ways of using questions in terms of, building relationships, taking conversations in certain directions. Some of the key things that you talked about, Graham, were thinking about the purpose of a conversation. And then what questions. would help you take the conversation in that direction. The use of why, the use of closed questions. But the thing for me is just, it is about being thoughtful about the questions you ask ahead of time, I think we miss the power. Of questions by not being thoughtful about them.

James:

that's interesting. So that my big takeaway was maybe I ought to think a little bit before I open my mouth. But that's not bad advice either.

Jimmy:

Absolutely. Graham, any final thoughts from you

Graeme :

Yeah, I think it's as it is on one level, as simple as that, that as you're walking down the corridor before you knock on the door, but, you know, before you pick the phone up that moment of reflection, where do I want this to go and. What are the questions I could ask that might help us head in that direction? Maybe it's a part of my age, but that as I get older, the less I have to be the one that has the answer. If I am asking a question that untaps the intelligence that others have, then I'm far more likely to hear something interesting

James:

I couldn't agree more. You know, you don't have to have the answer. And that actually, ignorance puts you in a position of real strength.

Graeme :

Yeah. So ego, there is a battle with ego here. If I can get over my ego and said, you know, I don't care who's got the best idea. I want to hear the best idea. What do people think? We are in a new realm and it's probably a damn sight more pleasurable to work with us as well.

Jimmy:

so on that wonderful nugget for success we'll call it a day. So thank you, Graham. And we'll put your details in the show notes. If people want to get in touch and find out more about the power of questions and how you can help them. Obviously from this session, they would have learned that James and I are amateurs asking questions, but hopefully we will be more thoughtful and better in the future.

Graeme :

Been an absolute pleasure guys. Thanks so much for your time.

James:

Thank you very much. Cheers now.

Jimmy:

Thanks, everyone. Don't

We cover a whole host of topics on this podcast from purpose to corporate jargon, but always focused on one thing, getting the job done well, easier said than done. So if you've got. Unhappy customers or employees, bosses or regulators breathing down your neck. If your backlogs are out of control and your costs are spiraling and that big IT transformation project that you've been promised just keeps failing to deliver, we can help if you need to improve your performance, your team's performance, or your organizations. Get in touch at Jimmy at jobdonewell. com or James at jobdonewell. com.

People on this episode

Head Shot

James Lawther

Co-host
Head Shot

Jimmy Barber

Co-host
Head Shot

Graeme Rainbird

Guest