5. An Ironclad Legacy: Lessons in Love, Strength, and Unfiltered Authenticity

As I stood to deliver the eulogy for my beloved grandmother Joyce, I felt the weight of her 93 remarkable years settle upon the room - a tapestry woven with laughter, resilience, and profound love. Join me, Cole Evans, as we tenderly celebrate her life and the wisdom she imparted on what would have been her 94th birthday. Our journey through Joyce's story is a mosaic of humor, strength, and the gentle softening that came with time, honoring the ironclad matriarch of our family.

Despite her tough exterior and unwavering opinions, Joyce contained multitudes. I'll paint a nuanced portrait - hilarious yet prickly, loving yet often distant at times. Her life's joys, struggles, quirks and wisdom all wove together into one proud, ironclad legacy. Discover the powerful lessons Joyce bestowed upon us, shaping our family's understanding of love, partnership, and authentic living. 

Gather around as we recount the remarkable 65-year love story of Joyce and Roger - a testament to enduring affection that continues to inspire us all. Let their tale, and the laughter that was Joyce's signature, remind us of the joys that come from living fully and loving deeply.

Powerful, poignant and surprisingly humorous, this episode celebrates how the prints of those who came before remain forever. It's a moving reminder to live authentically, craft the lasting legacy we'll one day leave behind, and most of all, love deeply.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

What's up? Unstoppable Souls, you're tuned in to Becoming Unstoppable. With Cole Evans, the show to help high achievers like you demolish limiting beliefs and finally become that authentic, confident badass you were meant to be. I've walked the path of outward success, yet inward unfulfillment, of appearing put together while drowning in self-doubt and anxiety, and I know you're tired of playing too small. On this show, we're obliterating your glass ceilings and breaking free from that self-imposed prison. Get ready to unleash the unstoppable potential of your most powerful self.

Speaker 1: 0:47

On this episode, I'm sharing something very personal the eulogy I gave at my grandmother Joyce's funeral last summer. As we approach what would have been her 94th birthday this week, I want to reflect on her remarkable life and the ironclad legacy that she leaves behind. My grandmother was part of the silent generation, an only child who went on to have seven children of her own and see multiple generations descend from her. She was a woman of unwavering conviction and opinion. She was hilarious, warm, prickly and utterly real. There was no filter when it came to my grandmother. In this eulogy, I try to capture the many facets of who she was as a wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, the joys and struggles, her quirks and her wisdom. While imperfect like any human. Her life provides many lessons for all of us on how to love deeply, stand firm in your beliefs, create a warm home and, most importantly, choose a partner with utmost care. And as I reread these reflections I shared at her funeral, capturing the breath of her 93 remarkable years on this planet, I'm struck again by just how much she embodied the multifaceted nature of life itself the love, the strife, the humor amidst the hardship, the contrasts and contradictions that somehow all wove together into one proud, ironclad legacy. So join me for this episode as I celebrate my grandmother's life and all the lessons that radiated from her journey.

Speaker 1: 2:37

The torch has been passed to a new generation, but the indelible print of how Joyce taught us to fly, to dream and to live remains forever. Let's dive into the words that made up her farewell and the wisdom that will ensure her spirit never fades from this family tree. Helen Keller said what we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose. For all that we love deeply, become a part of us. While today has been expected for some time, it doesn't take away from the weight that comes with the end of an era. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say over this last week or so. This was many things to many people A committed and loving wife of 65 years, a mother of seven, grandmother of 14. Great grandmother of 13. And even a great great grandmother of six, soon to be eight. This is an impressive legacy for an only child of the silent generation.

Speaker 1: 3:52

She was a hospitable homemaker, highly opinionated, intensive and caring, but didn't always know how to show it. Funny, sometimes, difficult, sometimes often, and could be loving and distant at the same time. But I think the adjective that best describes her is iron clad Iron clad, impossible to contradict, weaken or change. Try as you might to do so, and right as you may be at times, there was no penetrating her iron shields or changing her opinion Because of this. You could sometimes make it hard to know Joyce's heart and connect with her, and therefore we all have varying experiences and relationships with her. Some would say she's incredibly loving and kind, others would say she could be a real bit spicy. I believe if you look at her 93 years as a whole, the main theme of her life is one of love and sensitivity, and that really shown through in the last few years of her life. In 65 years of marriage Roger was typically the outgoing social one and really the everlasting glue of our family.

Speaker 1: 5:23

In the last seven years since grandpa passed away, she's had to learn how to lower her iron shield, son, and become a bit more vulnerable. During this time she became sweet and more grandmotherly than most of us had ever experienced and although she was still highly opinionated, instead fast in her thinking, she did soften with time. I remember growing up it was always a joke that grandma never smiled and it was often very difficult to get a picture of her smile. But if you look at the majority of pictures taken in the last few years, there she is with the grin on her face. This last year or two, as her mind succumbed to old age, I believe it allowed for her to get out of her head in a way like never before and live a fuller human experience. To say she had a filter before I think we all know would be a joke. Joyce did not have a filter, at least not the politically correct one that most of us are encouraged to have. She always spoke her mind, but at the end of her life she was finally able to lower her iron shields and become more vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 6:49

She became this sweet little old lady who was always smiling, loved to talk and have conversations, always saying thank you, and became a person who loved to give hugs. When I last visited her this spring, it was the first time I'd seen her in almost two years. It was a memorable experience, difficult as it was, that I'm glad I didn't pass up. I wasn't prepared for her to be this frail little old lady who didn't know who I was, but she recognized me each time I reminded her with a smile on her face. She was excited to have a visitor and share a conversation together. She was kind and full of joy, happy to take pictures together and talk about her dogs and travel. I wish that I'd stayed a little longer. It was a rare one-on-one experience with her and it was the perfect way for me to say goodbye and close the legacy of her generation with a loving smile and a warm hug. What an impact she had on each one of us. Did you know that at one point she carried most of us inside of her womb? The human body is so amazing. A female fetus is born with all the eggs she will ever have in her lifetime. So, before your mother was born, your mother, grandmother, and the earliest trace of you were all living in the same body.

Speaker 1: 8:28

We have all been connected with Joyce for a very long time, so today we are gathered to celebrate the life of Joyce, our mother, grandmother, great grandmother and matriarch of our family, and in doing so pass on the torch from one generation onto the next, as generations tend to do. It is our solemn duty to carry on the legacies left and raise the bar for our children and the coming generations. Today, we embrace the legacy and future of the Langless Family line. We are at the crossroads of a generational shift that will fundamentally change our family structure. It's an odd thing to get older and watch your family evolve. I realize that our baby boomer parents are now the grandparents and we are now the full grown adults, most of us with children of our own, and so it's important to share memories and lessons we gained from a bygone generation In over nine decades of living.

Speaker 1: 9:46

There are many lessons we can learn from Joyce. In some ways we can emulate her, and in some ways we can learn from where she had shortcomings and apply her opportunities of growth to our own life. And isn't that the job of a parent or a grandparent To teach your children how to do things through trial and error, that they may learn from your successful life experiences and also from your mistakes. Mother Teresa said you will teach them to fly, but they will not fly your flight. You will teach them to dream, but they will not dream your dream. You will teach them to live, but they will not live your life. Nevertheless, in every flight, in every life, in every dream, the print of the way you taught them will remain.

Speaker 1: 10:46

So here are five ways to leave an ironclad legacy like Joyce. Number one it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Stay steadfast in your beliefs, regardless of others' opinions. There are countless times when each one of us has been offended or even hurt because of Joyce's unapologetic and unfiltered opinion. And yet, as I spoke with many of you when I was writing her eulogy, everyone mentioned how much they appreciated and respected this trait of hers. I think the lesson easily falls under both categories of emulating Joyce's ability to not sugarcoat her thoughts, while also learning to self-advocate and speak your heart in such a way that better connects with people and they appreciate. Also, don't take shit from anyone.

Speaker 1: 11:46

Number two keep your house clean and be a hospitable host. I think we all definitely inherited this trait of appreciating a clean house, although maybe not to the same OCD standards that Dawn shares with Grandma. Anytime Grandma and Grandpa hosted a party, you wanted for nothing. The food, the activities, the games and fun were always top notch and memorable. She was always very classy and taught us each how to be the hostess with the mostest. After all, not many people choose to put in a pool for their families that they don't use themselves. Our family holidays growing up were legendary. Ask any one of us and I guarantee you one of the fondest memories of our family are the holidays we spent together. Who could forget a Fourth of July where we put on our very own Fireworks Street show that lasted for hours well into the night? Or our epic Christmas dinners where we played games and died laughing, sharing memories with everyone?

Speaker 1: 13:02

Number three the do's and don'ts of how to be a mother and grandmother. There is no doubt that Joyce had a fierce loyalty to her family and instilled that into her children. You can see it here today through the mothering and grandmothering styles of her daughters. In the same way that she emulated her mother and also improved upon Mimei's maternal shortcomings, we can do the same. Some of Joyce's lessons on how to be a mom include cook good, nutritious meals and make sure your kids drink their milk, even when they don't want to, but don't force them to be part of the Clean Play Club.

Speaker 1: 13:48

Avoid Catholic guilt. Allow your kids to have and attend sleepovers and, when they're older, set reasonably late curfews. Education is very important. Take your kids on vacations and make great memories with them. Avoid Catholic guilt. Build a trusting relationship with your child where they know they can share anything with you. Practice more forgiveness, less grudge holding and never trust a liar. Avoid Catholic guilt. And when you're blessed with grandchildren, don't pass up the opportunity to spend time with them.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Grandmother duties include babysitting and spoiling them in ways that you couldn't with your own kids. Your time with them is short, so be as involved and present in your grandkids lives as much as you can. And finally, support, but don't enable, your family. Sometimes we need to fall on our face and scrape our knees as humans in order to best learn from our mistakes. Oh, and don't forget to tape your baby's ears.

Speaker 1: 15:05

Number four remember to have fun and create your own happiness. This is another one of those lessons Joyce nailed in some aspects and also had room for improvement. There were times when she could be so fun and in the moment, and other times when she was uptight and just took life too serious. One of the ways Joyce experienced happiness was from traveling the world with her husband Egypt, Paris, quebec and even the 1976 Montreal Winter Olympics, to name a few, plus many annual biochemistry conferences that allowed them to tour the country. The annual family vacations that she and grandpa took y'all on growing up to the coast and around the country set the standard for vacations for each of our own families for decades to come. One way that we can improve upon Joyce's experience is by having a good group of friends to socialize with. Humans are social creatures. It's hardwired into our DNA to connect with others. There were so many life events where she could have used a close and trusted friend other than Roger to be vulnerable with and actually talk about her feelings. It's important to have a community to share your life with.

Speaker 1: 16:35

And who can forget her sense of humor, which was often dry or dark? Joyce spoke both English and French, but let's be honest, her favorite language was sarcasm, which she taught all of us to speak fluently. I remember one night, right after grandpa passed away. My mom and I were over at the house with grandma late into the wee hours of the morning. She didn't want to be alone and we were sharing jokes with each other. I had my phone out and was reading adult humor memes and often when I told the punchline my mom would go Cole, you can't say that in front of your grandma. And without fail, every time I'd say back why Grandma's laughing too? Grandma's dark sense of humor is something we all inherited, which means we're all screwed, since researchers believe a dark sense of humor could be an early warning sign of dementia.

Speaker 1: 17:38

Of all these lessons, I think the greatest one she taught us is this who you choose as a partner to spend your life with is one of the most important choices you will ever make. Because, let's be honest, when it comes to a loving and lasting marriage, grandma and grandpa set that bar pretty damn high. Most people would think it's just cute how we all believe in their love story as much as we do, but it's hard to argue with over 65 years of happy, loved-filled relationship that was stood so many trials and tribulations, several of which most people would not be able to handle or ever recover from. This is the life lesson where Joyce all out excelled and for the most part, the majority of us here today have fallen short of the standard they set for us.

Speaker 1: 18:37

They both knew how to keep the love alive between them. Not many couples, married for six and a half decades, keep up a regular date night and yet they often would go out on Saturday nights to see a new movie and spend time together. And like the movies, their relationship was in many ways like the main characters of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Roger worshipped the ground. She walked on In the years when grandpa had his health struggles, with heart attack and heart surgery. Grandma all but shut down. He was her whole life. When grandma's dementia set in and she would ask when's Rod getting home from work? And if he played along, she would light up and talk about how hard he's been working lately, how proud she is of him and that she really hoped that he had eaten today. Always the caregiver, always the amazing wife. Together they lived out the love that we all want to experience in our own life with our partners. They showed us what it meant to have unconditional love for someone to have and to hold, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health until death does them part. Nothing can replace them, but love fills the space they left behind, and that stays forever.

Speaker 1: 20:19

Roger and Joyce were the living embodiment of 1st Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Speaker 1: 20:59

In the last few hours of her life here on earth, she listened to her recording of her husband over and over again. She had been struggling to breathe clearly. But in her final moments, hearing Roger tell her one final time that when she's by his side, life is bliss, joyce breathed clearly once more and peacefully passed on to meet him in eternity. We can take joy today in Grandma and Grandpa being together again. Today is not goodbye, just see you soon. I want to close with this. A limb has fallen from the family tree. I believe they would tell us grieve not for me. Remember the best times, the laughter, the song, the good life lived while we were strong. Continue our heritage. We're counting on you. Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through. Our minds are at ease, our souls at rest, remembering all how we truly were blessed. Continue traditions, no matter how small. Go on with your life. Don't worry about falls. We miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin Until the day comes we're together again.

Speaker 1: 22:42

Hey y'all, thanks for listening to the show today. Before we go, I want to take just a moment together to pause and breathe and recenter ourselves. This has made such a difference in my life and it is incredible how much of a difference it can make and how we feel just through our breath. So I want you to take just a moment to pause, be still and relax and take a big, deep breath in through your nose and feel all the way up and then release with a big, audible sigh all the way out through your mouth. Doesn't that feel good? I encourage you to take moments for yourself, just like that. When you begin to feel stressed or anxiety, when the daily little stuff of life starts to creep in and make you feel, just take a moment for yourself, to just breathe. Take a few deep breaths, recenter yourself, feel positivity, practice gratitude. It really helps to rebalance you and give you the extra little power you need to go through your day unstoppable.

Speaker 1: 24:22

Thanks for joining the show today on another episode of Becoming Unstoppable with Cole Evans. If you guys enjoyed the show, please share it with the friend or post on social media. Be sure to tag the show on Instagram at unstoppablepodcast or tag me at Cole Evans. That's C-O-L-E-E-V-A-N-S. Please follow and rate the show on whatever platform you use. It helps the algorithms to feature our show to new listeners. Just like you, my goal in hosting this podcast is to make an impact on people's lives and help people to find the peace and happiness through self-compassion. Just like I have, of course, become unstoppable. I hope you guys have a great day. I can't wait to hang out with you on our next episode. Until then, this is Cole Evans signing off. Stay fabulous, y'all.