Meaning and Moxie After 50
Looking for more inspiration and possibility in midlife and beyond? Join host Leslie Maloney, proud wife, mom, author and teacher, as she talks with people finding Meaning and Moxie in their life after 50.
Meaning and Moxie After 50
Comedian Life After 50: Embrace Fun and Let Go of Perfection
Join us as we sit down with the hilariously insightful Rita Desnoyers-Garcia, who discovered that humor was her secret weapon to stand out as the youngest of six siblings. Rita's comedic journey from childhood plays to a fifth-grade musical, culminating in a stand-up comedy course, reveals how creativity and laughter can be powerful tools for navigating life's transitions.
Ever wonder how self-compassion could transform your life? We share an empowering narrative of a once-shy individual who blossomed into a confident performer, illustrating the profound impact of self-kindness and courage. Through insightful coaching stories, especially with professional moms, we emphasize the importance of nurturing oneself to foster emotional healing and stress management. With practical tips on how to integrate self-compassion into daily life, you'll discover how these changes can ripple outward, positively influencing those around you.
Balancing life's myriad responsibilities while keeping joy at the forefront is no small feat—especially for women over 50. Our conversation highlights the struggles of perfectionism and the beauty of setting realistic goals, all while embracing a mantra that values fun and laughter. From discussing the bravery needed to step out of comfort zones to sharing exciting new ventures, this episode is packed with insights that'll leave you eager to embrace life more fully.
Rita Desnoyers-Garcia's Info:
Check out my site: www.BecomingAwake.com
The Self-Compassion Project workbook!
Join Calm Mom Alliance FB Group
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Hi, it's Leslie. In this episode, I sit down with the hilarious and insightful Rita Desnoyers-Garcia, who proves that life after 50 is anything but boring. Rita shares how growing up as the youngest of six kids gave her a PhD in fighting for attention with humor. This eventually led her into the world of comedy. But this isn't just about punchlines. Rita's comedy meets personal development, as she uses laughter to help others tackle life's challenges with grace and giggles. I know she had me laughing all the way through this interview and I know you're going to enjoy it. All the way through this interview, and I know you're going to enjoy it.
Speaker 1:I'm Leslie Maloney, retirement coach and podcast host. I'm all about helping you navigate the many transitions of this next chapter, from redefining purpose to finding joy in the everyday. We dive into real stories, practical tips and inspiring conversations. So whether you've already retired, you're planning for it or you're just starting to think about what's next, join me for this fun and fearless exploration of life's second act, Because life after 50 isn't the end of the story. No, far from it. It's where the magic truly begins. Go to my website meaninginmoxieafter50.com for more information, and now let's get going with this week's episode. All right, everybody, welcome back to another Meaning in Moxie after 50. And I have Rita the Neuer's Garcia with me today. Welcome, Rita. Glad you can be here. Thank you so much Leslie.
Speaker 1:So I'm so intrigued by you. You have a lot of different things going on, but tell us your how did you find yourself in the comedy world? Great, question.
Speaker 2:So I come from a very funny family. No one is in professional comedy. My family, they're all doing other things, but I'm one of six kids. I'm the youngest of six kids and so you know you're fighting for attention all the time. And when I was two or six kids, I'm the youngest of six kids and so you know you're fighting for attention all the time. And when I was two or three years old, I remember sitting in the at the dinner table and I said something and everyone started laughing and I thought, oh, this is good, do this again. How do you get this done? You know, and and it was just kind of the currency of our family we're always zingers and jokes and tweaks and little things like that.
Speaker 2:So I built that muscle over time and then, because we were a family of six, in the sixties and seventies we did things like we did plays in the garage. You know there were a lot of plays, a lot of musicals, so I got to do being part of that. Usually I was the commercial girl you know, came out and like what they called a peasant skirt. Do you remember peasant skirts? And I do my little dance and everything. And then when I was in fifth grade, I wrote a musical called when it Rains, it Pours, and it was based on Bill Cosby's routine about Noah's Ark, building the Ark, and I put some Beatles music to it. You know, here comes the sun to it. So that was like another thing. So all through my life I was figuring out ways where can I be funny, where can I be creative? And definitely in middle school they gave you I don't know why, but they always gave us an option Like if you don't want to write the paper, do a commercial. You know, and that's when videotaping was really hot. So I was like, oh, we're going to do a commercial. So that was just like a running theme.
Speaker 2:I did stuff in high school and college and in graduate school and I was in social work graduate school. All the different schools at Columbia had a follies and I'm like the social work school needs to have a follies. So we did a comedy show and we invited the. We had the professors involved. So it was just sort of something I did. And even while I was doing social work, at night I was taking sketch writing courses, skit writing courses at Chicago City Limits and we did a show in the village. That was a big deal.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, got married, all that stuff, and I kind of put it away for a long time. And then one day I was looking at the adult school catalog in my town and they had a standup course and I was like they teach standup comedy, what? So? The first year I did not sign up, I was too scared. So it came around the next year I said, all right, I'm going to sign up the next year. Next year came around literally shaking, as I was registering, I don't know why. I was just like so it just felt so out of my comfort zone, sure, and in my head I was like they're gonna make me do an HBO special like this, you know, like oh. But I walked into the middle school kids are playing basketball, people are learning how to play guitar and in the health classroom they were teaching people like me how to do stand up. So it was really low stakes, you know. And so as soon as I walked in and I saw who was involved, I was just like, alright, I can do this, this is just everyday people.
Speaker 2:And the graduation was a show. So we took the six week course where we learned how to write jokes and we came up each came up with like five minutes or so of a set, and then we went to like a real comedy club, invited our friends and family and did a show. And I did that and I had all the experiences you can have. I panicked, I forgot everything right before I went on stage. I was like I don't even know what I'm supposed to say, you know. But I went up there and I did it and it went really well. And I came off stage and I went to the back of the club where they had a bar and I'm like, all right, I'm just going to have a glass of white wine and just appreciate myself right now that I did this. And as I'm drinking my wine, this woman comes up to me.
Speaker 2:My whole act was about being a mom. She came up to me, she goes. I have three kids too. I never get out. I came here to see my friend John, but I have to tell you I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants and I thought you should really wear a panty shield. Really wear a panty shield. Don't you know better? If you have three kids, come on. But the bigger point of this was I realized this is not just for me. This really helps people. It helps people release right. My job as a coach is to help people release a whole bunch of stuff in a lot of different ways, but comedy is about releasing through crying and laughing and laugh crying. You know, like this is such, we need it, we need that catharsis, we need that movement of energy through our body and um, and comedy is such a powerful way to do it because you can talk about stuff that you can't normally talk about. You can get really into things where normally in polite conversation maybe you wouldn't go there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah for sure, and I think that's one of the reasons people are attracted to it as well, because it can be a little bit off color. Some of the things that we consider to be the normal things we talk about.
Speaker 2:Right. Yeah, I kind of edgy edgy, I like a little edge, depending on what edge. Some edges I don't like, but I feel like people. You can make almost anything funny if you're good enough at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it sounds like in that course you kind of there's a formula to writing jokes. Is that true to some extent?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a, I think you know, like with any art form, there's a structure and there are rules and guidelines and once you learn them, that's great, and then you can, you know, break them if you want. But you kind of know, really, the test of what's funny is when you try it out. Right, that's why they have open mics, that's why they have open mics everywhere, because that's where the, the, you really figure out what something's funny is when you say it out loud in that microphone and you see the, the response.
Speaker 1:yeah, sometimes you do that a lot before you figure it out and a lot of your stuff is around being a mom, which there's plenty of good stuff in that.
Speaker 2:It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I did that for several years, off and on, and then a friend of mine, who I kind of helped cultivate her set for the show, asked me to teach comedy. So now I teach that to moms. That's one of my offerings now for people in the local area is let's get together, we'll help you make a set and we're going to do a show. What do you think, mom?
Speaker 1:I love that. How is that different from improv? They're pretty close.
Speaker 2:So stand up comedy is you alone in front of a microphone and you tell jokes. There's not a lot of improvisation. Sometimes people do what's called crowd work, where they're asking questions of people and responding, so that's more improvisational. Improv is usually a group of people acting something out, usually with suggestions from the audience, and it's all kind of top of the head. They also have rules and guidelines that you learn in improv classes, but what you create from there is from a spontaneous place, and one of the biggest rules is yes and so, in other words, anytime someone says something or does something in some essence, you agree with it and you add to it.
Speaker 1:All right, so yeah, so, so yeah, some pretty clear differences.
Speaker 1:Then I would love to be a fly on the wall when you're with these women and you're coaching them and putting these sets together, because I don't know if anybody else feels the same way I do, but as a woman I don't think that that was. This is obviously different for you, but as a woman, I don't think we're encouraged enough to use our sense of humor as we're growing up. We're socialized in that, because I witnessed in men, um, that there's that a lot of quick. It just seems to be something they learn, most men as they're growing up, which I don't know if we learn that as females. You were learning it in your family because of your family dynamics, but there's only a handful of my girlfriends that I would say have the zingers. You know we've all got them occasionally, but there's there's a couple in my circle that that are pretty regular with it, but the rest are sort of like not, not really, and so I just kind of wonder if you've ever thought about that as a comedian, a female comedian, in society.
Speaker 2:Well, you know there is. In the comedy community there is much more of an encouragement of women. Now I mean, that was the trope. Women aren't that funny. They're not as funny as men, right, but I think the evidence bears out that there are a lot of funny women. The evidence bears out that there are a lot of funny women and in fact in our area there was a whole contest called Ladies of Laughter that draws from all the different communities and the finalists go to New York City and they perform at danger fields in New York City. I think the like, a lot of industries and institutions are encouraging groups that maybe weren't encouraged before, feel a little marginalized, having them, supporting them more. So I think there's a lot of funny women comedians.
Speaker 2:I think there are a lot of funny male comedians too, by the way, so I don't distinguish, like I don't. I just think whatever's funny is funny. I don't worry about who's saying it, necessarily, but I see what you're saying about the zingers. That's just one way of being funny. You can be in conversation not saying a lot of zingers, but then behind a mic be able to tell a really funny story or a really funny joke, and there are a lot of comedians that do that. They're not all like the rodney dangerfields who are like I get no respect. Joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.
Speaker 1:They're not all like that yeah, and it's really a timing thing, right? I mean, it's really so much of it is about the timing.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah and there's different ways to do it. There's more feminine ways and more masculine ways, right? So the masculine would be like boom boom, boom, boom and the feminine would be like really, it's just got a different feeling and different styles and what people are comfortable with.
Speaker 1:So you've been. How long have you been teaching this course?
Speaker 2:This is my third round, so I've done one in the spring, I did one in the early spring, one in the late spring and now I'm doing a fall. I'm starting a class on the 12th.
Speaker 1:OK, and we'll be sure. This will just be one of the things we include in the show notes for the people that live in your area that might want to come out and participate in that area, that might want to come out and participate in that. And I'm just wondering you probably have somebody that stands out in your mind. We don't have to name their name, them per se, but somebody that you were just so proud of that just really blossomed into this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean there were a couple there's. There's a one person who was in my. She's the one who actually encouraged me to do it and she did. Before I started teaching she came on to this group that I was. I was like, hey guys, let's put on a show. And someone said, oh, I have, my friend wants to do it too. She's never done it before. Can she come? I'm like, of course, and so she was kind of shy about it and she was very good about giving feedback. She wasn't so sure she had her own material and I was like bring material and. And she had a pretty good set, you know, for this one show. And then she did the course with me and her set got better. And then the last time she was killing she, I was just like you could, you could be with the other kids, you know go and do something and actually the headliner we usually have a professional headliner called her later and said, hey, would you be in the show?
Speaker 2:So? And we all said, well, like Whoa, you killed, you really did great. So it's amazing to watch people develop as they get more confidence. So much of this is confidence. I mean, I feel like I sit there half the time and go you're funny, that was really funny. And this is why that's half of what I say, because people try stuff out and sometimes it doesn't work well, or sometimes it needs to be developed, or sometimes it's like you need three instead of two, you know, or I think you should exaggerate more or think of something even more extreme. So sometimes there are specifics like that, but a lot of it is just like they're pretty funny, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it really takes you. I mean these are, these are people, these are women stepping out. I mean you're allowing yourself to be seen. You got to be willing to allow yourself to be seen and you might bomb a little bit and that's okay. You're going to get better and that's. That's big stuff, because that translates to come out of my shell Now when I have a problem.
Speaker 2:I immediately think, more material instead of getting all freaked out. People had transformative experiences and I wasn't even going for that. I was going for I want you to have a good five-minute set that you feel good about. You go out there and you deliver it and you get the envy of all your friends and family Like that was really. The object of my intention was your girlfriends are going to be like I can't believe you just did that. That was amazing. How do I do that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so you you're, so you got this thing going. And then, on a larger scale, you've been coaching for many years professional moms helping professional moms not be so hard on themselves, helping them de-stress, and all that comes with that. Talk, talk about your coaching and and what you're up to there so I've had my coaching has gone through many iterations.
Speaker 2:The latest iteration is I have two separate programs. One is all about cultivating self-compassion. That was really one of my first steps in my own development was realizing that I was trying to berate myself into happiness, right, right, I was trying to work so hard to have fun. You know, it was just like so backwards and self-defeating because I had this core belief that I wasn't worthy, you know, I just wasn't enough and I wasn't worthy. So I did everything in my power to try to fight that and contradict it and prove people wrong or prove myself wrong. And of course it imploded. Right, when you're doing everything with a sense of I'm not worthy, at some point it just it's not sustainable.
Speaker 2:So one of the things that I realized when I started working with my own coach was that he kept coming back to this idea of being kind and gentle to yourself, and I was. At first I thought this is hooey, what. I don't get it, you know. And he's like just try it. And and then, sure enough, for 30 seconds I wasn't beating myself up, I started to cry out of relief. It's like. It's like when you stop hitting your head against the wall and I was like, oh, okay, this is all right, this is significant. So I built a whole practice on really helping women cultivate that sense of self compassion, because that really is foundational for lasting change. Because then you start reparenting yourself, giving yourself what you're trying to get the outside world to give you, and you can't, it's just not happening.
Speaker 2:Um what does that look?
Speaker 1:like. What does that look like?
Speaker 2:Okay, good question. So sometimes it's just sitting there and feeling you to answer your. I'm going to try to answer it as thoroughly as possible. So sometimes it's just sitting there and just being really kind and gentle with yourself in a situation where you're feeling like you want to beat yourself up. Sometimes it's breathing, sometimes it's putting your hand over your heart and just going I love you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you're suffering now, giving yourself the reassurance and comfort and the safety that maybe you never had, right. Sometimes it's asking what do you need right now, what's going on and what do you need?
Speaker 2:I found so many times as a mom of young children that when I was frazzled it was because I wasn't getting what I was needing in the moment, and then I was taking it out on my kids yeah, if only they would stop running around and screaming, right? Well, the reason this is bothering me so much is because I haven't slept enough, or I haven't eaten breakfast, or I need a space to just breathe, or I need some support, whatever it is, and once I give that self that to me, then I can respond in a much better way to whatever's going on, whether it's the kids or the job or the spouse, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is so big. That is so big to be able to recognize that in yourself instead of projecting it out on others, and because so often we do that. I mean I was just experiencing it the other day, had a super busy week and I'm I got, I mean, it's all good stuff on my plate but it's my plate's pretty full and I found and I'm, you know, my mind was kind of moving faster than it normally does and I could feel myself getting irritated with my husband and I I realized it wasn't. I mean, normally, if I was more balanced, what he was doing wouldn't even bother me, but it happened to be bothering me because I was bothered internally and I was able to catch it and go okay, you know, let's roll it back and yeah, and, and some of the self-talk and things like that yeah, it's so big to be able to see and even like how we set it up for ourselves.
Speaker 2:So like it could be that we're feeling deprived in the number of areas, right. It also could be that this is something I used to do. I put too many things on my list, like I had a running list of things to do, right, and my worth was very tied up to how much of that list I got done, and so I'd put like 10 items on my list and then, of course, I would never hit 10. And I would be exhausted at 8 and then not give myself credit oh, I didn't get anything done. Today now I put three things on my list, right. Yeah, I know I can get these done. If there are more and I have time and I have energy, I will do the other two. That way, I haven't. I have a success every day. Every day I get stuff done and then I get to say I got it done, and if I didn't, it doesn't mean I'm not worth anything. It just means that maybe it's time to reconfigure things. Yeah, so just how you set up your day can make a huge difference.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that perfectionism, you know letting go some of that perfectionism. So the self-compassion, and I think, especially when you're, I know, for me being I'm not, my kids are adults, now in their thirties but when you've got young kids and you're trying to, you're trying you bought into the super mom stuff I mean I did and you're not asking for, you're not getting enough support and blah, blah, blah. I mean you're trying to do it all, enough support, and blah, blah, blah. I mean you're trying to do it all and, like you said it, you just got to give yourself a break and you're so much better parents.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, absolutely. And I, for me, one of the warning signs before I had my, like you know, implosion was the au pair telling saying to me my 20 year old au pair saying to me you didn't schedule lunch for yourself. And I was like, wait what? I don't see lunch in here? And I was like, oh my God, you know it was embarrassing that the 20 year old au pair had to remind me to take a break.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, because you were probably eating on the run. You were eating on the run, and what's that?
Speaker 2:Eating on the run with a toddler on my knee, yeah, and she's like that's why you hired me to live with you to do this stuff, uh-huh. So even the resistance of letting go of these things, because I have to control it all, because if I don't control it all, something terrible is going to happen, right yeah?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's another good point, because there is a control aspect to that. Like we like getting things done and it feels good and all that and just being able to delegate and just yeah, just just relax a little bit about the whole thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and have fun, god forbid. Yeah, I remember my coach saying to me can you be present right now?
Speaker 2:And I was like you want me to be honest with you? No, I have a running list of items in my head right now that I got to get done and he said okay, let's talk about that. And when we talked about it, one of the things he pointed out was you're always going to have a running list. You're always going to have a running list. It's not about getting rid of the list, it's who you are while you're doing those things. Yeah, and I didn't get it until I practiced it and I realized when I was present doing my list, I was more effective. I realized some of the items didn't really need to be done by me or right away. I didn't have to redo items because I was paying attention the first time.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, Time expanded I hear you, I hear you.
Speaker 1:This is all true, all so, so true. So you mentioned fun, and you know, taking time to have some fun, which I really women have. I really women have a. I noticed within my circle of friends and family members that women seem to have a hard time taking, taking a break and just having fun and not being productive. And fun can mean a lot of different things to different people, and so what are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2:Oh well, all right, I have a lot of thoughts. First of all, my mantra is if I had fun, I won. I won if I had fun. So that's sort of my, my foundation. How do I make this fun? How do I make it easy? How do I feel connected? Um, the other thing is I.
Speaker 2:I belong to a mastermind group of women and the theme was your big vision of your life, what's your big vision for your life? So it really got me thinking what is my big vision for my life? And right like two weeks before I went in this group, we were going on vacation, this wonderful European vacation with our family, and I thought more of that travel. And I thought more of that Travel laughing, having a cup of something, socializing. I'm a big extrovert, so I need to have that.
Speaker 2:And when I looked at my day, my ideal day, it already has. Every morning I do my stretches, I take my shower, I do my thing and then I go and I have a cup of now it's a mushroom blend of things with some pals in my downtown it's one of the first things I do and we chuckle and laugh and we don't talk anything serious very little, unless you know someone's in a thing and they need to talk it out or whatever. But most of the time it's just you see that lady parking over there. You know it's just banter and talking and laughing and a lot of times I'm doubled over laughing. That is the best way for me to start the day. There's a great book called Miracle Morning and it's all about how you start your day and people meditate and they work out and they do all this stuff and I'm like I just need to laugh for a little bit.
Speaker 2:I can do the other stuff too, but I need to laugh first. So by the time I come back from that and I usually try to walk there and walk back and it's a good 20, 30 minutes each way, I've gotten some movement in. I've gotten my laugh in. I've gotten my social time in, gotten some movement in. I've got my laugh in. I've got my social time in. Now I can get into the work, the work, which is usually.
Speaker 2:How can I make this fun? I think I'll make a couple videos, I think I'll write a few things, I think I'll have some meetings and I try to make them all fun. And then I have more social time with, you know, my family, and dinner. I like to cook. So I try to make fun things, planning for fun things. So I try to really infuse my day with as much of the things that I really, really enjoy. Because, frankly, if you're over 50, you've earned it it's harvest time. I'm sorry, you know everyone's like striving, striving, striving. It's like it's harvest time. Yeah, come on, when are you going to give that to yourself?
Speaker 1:Exactly, Exactly, and and I I really resonate with that If I'm having fun, I've won, I'm going to steal that because I just yeah, that feels so good and just to be, because I am somebody that likes to schedule in my fun. But sometimes I well, I don't, I shouldn't say schedule Cause that's a lot of fun, is just spontaneous fun too. There's the appointment fun Cause sometimes you need to do that, this is my time to do whatever hobby you're into, or. And then there's just allowing yourself to be in the flowing kind of fun.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's in flow. That's what it is. How are you feeling? It's. It's all about how you're feeling and what you're believing. That's. That's the whole game, really, leslie. It's. It's not what happens in your life, it's your relationship to what happens in your life. Yes, so if it's always adversarial, if it's always doom and gloom, you're not going to be very happy and you're not going to feel gloom. You're not going to be very happy and you're not going to feel very safe and you're not going to do a lot of things out of your comfort zone and grow and expand. But if you're from a place of, I get to have more fun, I get to learn through whatever experience I have, I really there's really no downside to trying this, because I'll learn something even if it doesn't work out. If you can find the gift and opportunity in all things.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's fun. That's a really fun game for yourself.
Speaker 1:And I mean it's. You know, life is for us, not against us, and so it's always bringing things, yeah, to us to grow from and, yeah, but keeping that lightness. How do you? How do you help your clients, because some, I'm sure, can step into that easier than others. What are some things you know, strategies that you use to help people find fun?
Speaker 2:So, yeah, sometimes fun doesn't come easy for people, so sometimes it's just can you find a little silent, calm moment within yourself? That's kind of like allowing the waters to calm, so that you can have that ripple of fun come up? And that is. I do subconscious reprogramming work using audio, audio tracks, so I have them do that um, breathing speed.
Speaker 1:No, let me back you up. So you're they're speaking to themselves. You have them record something to themselves and listen back, or?
Speaker 2:no, I don't have that. That sounds like a good idea, though. Maybe I'll try that. Um, no, are. I came upon these in the last year or so. These are audio tracks that they subscribe to through a company designed by a hypnotherapist, although they're not hypnotherapy. And the audio tracks do one of three things. Some of the tracks just decrease the negative emotion about something. So when people are really triggered about something, it helps them just to decrease that so that they can see more clearly other options and or what they're believing at the moment that's causing them to like freak out. And then the other tracks are about changing or creating a new belief. And then the other tracks are about changing or creating a new belief, so I've been using those. Those have been a game changer besides. So there's self-compassion, right, so that's about like the heart and the feeling. And then the subconscious reprogramming is all about what's going on in here. That's running the show it is.
Speaker 1:it are they like 10, 20 minutes, 30 minute deals?
Speaker 2:Okay, so the the, the ones that are all about emotion, run around 10 minutes. The one that breaks up old beliefs is about 18 minutes, and then the, the one that creates new belief, is about 10 minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really good stuff. I was. I was saying I teach yoga on the side and I was saying to my classes the other day that you know, life is is 10 of what's happening to us and 90 what we're telling ourselves is happening to us. Yes, yeah, yeah, I mean, and just how we're framing it, how we're framing it and everyone frames it differently.
Speaker 2:That's another thing that I realized is that no one has corners. The market on the truth. It's all what's true for us, and we can change our truth. You know, we can change what we can decide. It's this very terrible truth, or we could decide that it's like a beautiful truth. You know, what world do you want to live in? You know everyone goes oh, I want a world that is more peaceful, and this and that and the other. And why can't these people just do this and the other? I'm like why are you giving away all your power, all these people? You know, instead of trying to carpet the world, put some slippers on, do it for yourself, right? So I want to be the change I want to see in the world. That means internally. I need to figure out how to be more peaceful, more calm, more loving, more accepting, more compassionate, more fun, more connected, and then watch everything else takes care of itself. It really does, but when you don't feel like that, life is hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it really does. It's all internal and that's really the only thing we have control over anyway. Right, I mean, things are going to change, life is going to, you know, ebb and flow and up and down, and but we do have control of ourselves internally and how we choose to be reacting to that. Yeah, really really good, really go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was just gonna say we have control up to a certain level. If we are have been programmed into a belief system which we all have, right? Yes, then it's really hard to change how we're feeling about something, because we're literally perceiving in a certain way. And that's when the subconscious work really helps, because it literally helps you believe something different, like all of a sudden. You know, I've used these audios a lot and and the stuff I was believing before felt very real to me and very scary. And then, when I changed my belief, I was just like, huh, it doesn't bother me anymore and I would watch it, bother other people and I go. I don't know why this is bothering you. It's not that big a deal and they'd look at me in horror.
Speaker 2:How can you think that? You know, yeah, believe what you believe, it's a different world for me. And then you create that world and you interpret what's going on in that world, you know. So we're all living in our own narrative and having our own experiences. Yeah, but the great thing is when you're really in that joy and fun and connected place, what you do in the world is going to add to that. So it's not that you're not doing anything to that. So it's not that you're not doing anything in the world. It's not that you're not making any changes in the world. You're changing it from that place.
Speaker 1:And I think it's. I always go back to one of my favorite quotes. Essentially, is that I'll paraphrase that people don't remember what you say.
Speaker 2:They remember how you made them feel yeah and so when you're coming from that place of lightness, balance, fun that emanates, people feel that yeah and yeah, and that's what you're talking about yeah, I mean when I was, you know, when I teach the comedy, one of the pieces of feedback I got was one of the people said to me you just always seem like you're really calm and confident about what's going on. That really helped me to go out there and do that thing. I didn't even know, I was just like, okay, great.
Speaker 1:Use it. Yeah, yeah. How many kids do you have? I have three kids. You have three, and where are they? Are they in their twenties, are?
Speaker 2:they in their teens, thirties. Okay, so I have the two. They're all going to be in college this year. One starts super late, she starts next weekend, so so, and that's our youngest. Yeah, this particular university starts late for whatever reason, but so they're all in college right now so you're, are you having a little emptiness moment there?
Speaker 1:how is that going? It's great.
Speaker 2:It's great. I'm sure there's going to be times where, oh, all right, and I'm totally looking forward to Thanksgiving when they come back and tell me all their tales. And you know, I'm going to be the total Folgers mom. You know, you remember those Folgers commercials where you know, is that you, peter? You know he's made the Folgers, he surprised her. Oh, you're home. You know I am going to be that mom, so so, but right now I'm like this is good. They all, they all need to be in flight right now.
Speaker 1:Right, and I mean that's what you've been working towards, right. I mean it's one of those things that parenting is the only job where we're working ourselves out of a job. I mean that's the goal.
Speaker 2:That is yeah. I have to remind myself that all the time when I want to go. Did you make the appointment?
Speaker 1:Yes, and who wants to keep doing that? Yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't do that anymore and, and as somebody who has kids now in their 30s, I will tell you that, as they, you know, in 20s and they and they're going off and they're doing this, but they come, they come back, they come and they go yeah, they come and they go and they come, and it's not so. It's there's the finality of, oh my god, they, they're never coming back. This is so. You know, this is such a um, uh, um, a big point in our lives and it's all going to be different from here on, going forward, and it's sort of like, well, some things are going to be maybe a little different, but it's kind of ebb and flow and it's yeah, it's a different relationship.
Speaker 2:Yes, you start to have a relationship. I'm sure they you know my father used to say that the older you get, the smarter I get, meaning that I start to recognize my parents wisdom as I get older.
Speaker 1:Yes, it becomes a different relationship uh-huh and it just it continues to grow and become uh deeper. Yeah, I mean, especially when we go and do the things that maybe we've put off because we've been busy raising kids and now there's now there's some time for you in a different way to, to, and, and they're watching, right, they're always watching, no matter what age we are or they are.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Oh yeah, it used to be. I wrote a comedy song about how you know when I would go do all these things. You know, if my husband said where's mom, they'd say, oh, she's at a thing. I was like I go to a lot of things. Do you know where I'm going? Like I could be climbing Mount Everest. Oh, she's at a thing, I don't know. But I suspect that as they get older they might go oh oh, you've been doing that for a while. Oh, okay, that's cool, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you make. I can just yeah, you've got a few jokes that you have slid in there and so I mean we all can identify with them so much, and that's what makes it funny because it's universal it's totally universal. Yeah, as as we get into wrap-up mode here, what are? Are there any other things you'd like to to cover in terms of you know what you want to say to listeners and who are seeking meaning and moxie in their life?
Speaker 2:I would do this great exercise that a mentor of mine taught me. She said think of a moment in your life where you felt really happy, like just really content and happy, really happy, like just really content and happy. Where was it? What were you doing? And then write three to five words to describe it and then take the top three and live by those. Try to infuse those into your life as much as possible. For me it was fun, of course. For me it was fun, of course, connection and ease. And that was a wonderful exercise for me because it helped me focus on what's my intention here.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And then how do I sprinkle it through my day and come to each thing. You know each moment that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I could create more moments where I'm really just feeling great and yeah, and, and like and you use the word feeling because you were able to think about that memory and you knew how it felt in your body, yeah, and so it's one thing to talk about the words, it's another thing to go. Oh, I can tap into that because I know how it felt. Yes, and that feeling place is what we want to get to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's all about the feeling place. Yeah, because life is. You know you could have all the money and all the fancy stuff that society says is going to make you happy and not be happy. Yeah, I've seen that. I have clients who are like that they've got all the money in the world and they're just miserable, yeah, and other people who have half as much and are so happy. So go for the happiness.
Speaker 1:I say yeah, yeah, If you're having fun, you won you won. Exactly so your website, or is it your coaching practice is becoming awake. Or is it also your website, probably one in the same?
Speaker 2:My website is becoming awake. You'll see all the programs there. It's like how do you work with me, type thing, and you'll see the comedy one and the subconscious reprogramming one. I call one free mama. And then this, uh, self-compassion. I call one happy mother that's good.
Speaker 1:I like those titles. Would you ever consider doing a comedy thing online? I'd love to be one of your students.
Speaker 2:I people have been asking me that more and more because they're intrigued by this idea and I'm trying to figure out how to do it. The class itself would be easy. It's the show that would be the most challenging part, because you're doing a show online. You want to be able to hear people's laughter, but you don't want to hear all their background noise, Right? So you'll be doing your set and all of a sudden you hear get the door. You know like, like you don't want that, Right. So I'm like how do we do this so that people can hear the laughter? Cause that is a huge part. You need that feedback without hearing all the extraneous noises. I don't know, maybe it would just have a rule like you have to be in a soundproof booth if you come to the show, or something. There's gotta be a way to do it. It would be a lovely experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, keep me in mind, because I think it would be cool. Or maybe there's just you meet online and then there's the I don't know how many weeks it goes, but maybe there's the culmination, and then everybody comes to one place and meets up, and I don't know.
Speaker 2:You mean physical location? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Flights from Florida to Jersey are pretty cheap, so oh, that's an idea, all right, I don't know Just things to think about, but it's fun. It really sounds fun and something. You know I like edgy, I like to live. You know I like to challenge myself and that to me sounds edgy and challenging and a little little bit intimidating, but like no, you move toward it, not away from it.
Speaker 2:One of the most inspiring things I've seen is a documentary called man on Wire, which is about Philippe Petit, who was a? Do you remember this? In the 70s, when the guy walked on the high wire one foot on the building and I knew that if I put my other foot on that wire I could plunge to my death. But I could not do it, and I think that's the feeling that sometimes we need to have in order to go out of her comfort zone, like I could. Really. This could be really embarrassing, but I gotta do it.
Speaker 1:I can't not do it, so that's kind of a sweet spot and not, you know like, if not now, when I mean, it's sort of right, you're over 50, hello, tick, tock, yeah, yeah. Well, I think that's a great place to to end this interview. And, um, you, um, you've just you've made me giggle several times throughout this. Yeah, and um, just some really wise, um, wise stuff and and good stuff for people to think about, and I'll have everything in the show notes as far as how to contact you and all that you're up to, and I hope to talk with you again and see, see what you're maybe a year from now or something, to see what you're doing.
Speaker 2:I would love it and maybe you'll be in my class. Who?
Speaker 1:knows, Maybe I'm serious. Just keep me. Keep me in the loop.
Speaker 2:I'm going to put you on the wait list for the online class.
Speaker 1:All right. So thanks for listening, everybody, and I know you enjoyed that and we will talk soon. Bye, now. If this podcast was valuable to you, it would mean so much if you could take 30 seconds to do one or all of these three things Follow or subscribe to the podcast and, while there, leave a review and then maybe share this with a friend if you think they'd like it. In a world full of lots of distractions, I so appreciate you taking the time to listen in. Until next time, be well and take care.