Leadership Ripples with Leah Fink
Every action you take as a leader has a ripple effect, starting with your team, going out to the organization, and even out into to people’s personal lives. Here we offer you the chance to learn from real-life stories of leadership, so you can gain a deeper understanding, and level up your own skills. From communication, to culture, to power and equity, to feedback, to resolving conflict, and more. Join us and make sure you are creating the ripples you want.
If you would like your questions answered on the show, please share your story here: https://allthrive.ca/share-your-story/
To join the show live, go to: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leah-fink-all-thrive/
Leadership Ripples with Leah Fink
44 - It's Hard to Hold Boundaries
How do you decide when to accomodate your team's requests, and when to hold to your and the organization's boundaries? In this episode, we help equip you with strategies to navigate the murky waters of balancing individual needs with team requirements, helping you avoid the pitfalls of favouritism and unfairness. Additionally, we dive into a self reflective journey that will help you better understand your own relationship with boundaries.
Do you truly know why you are holding, or not holding, boundaries with your team?
If you want to confidently navigate between choosing to hold a boundary or be flexible, then this is the episode for you!
To have your questions answered on the show, submit your story here: https://allthrive.ca/share-your-story
Leadership Ripples with Leah Fink is live every week at 12:00pm MST. Please join us to get answers to your leadership questions! https://www.linkedin.com/in/leah-fink-all-thrive/
Every action you take as a leader has a ripple effect, starting with your team, going out to the organization and even out into people's personal lives. Here we offer you the chance to learn from real-life stories of leadership so you can gain a deeper understanding and level up your own skills From communication to culture, to power and equity, to feedback, to resolving conflict and more. Join us and make sure you're creating the ripples you want. Welcome to Leadership Ripples with Leah Fink.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to Leadership Ripples with Leah Fink. Today we are talking about the difficult topic of boundaries how to hold them, when to hold them, why they're even important to you. Let's dive into MT's story. I work as a supervisor in retail and oversee a large team. I have a team member who expressed early in their time with us that they're interested in advancing their career and moving into a leadership role as soon as they can. We have a fair amount of opportunities for frontline staff to advance to a shift supervisor role once they understand the frontline position well and show some aptitude for leadership. She knew that and we were working together to advance her skills to move into that position.
Speaker 2:Well, a shift supervisor position opened up and this team member interviewed and we offered her the job. It was only then that she mentioned that her personal situation had changed and she wouldn't be able to take any evening shifts. The shift supervisor role is dependent on candidates being able to work one evening and one weekend shift per week. I told her I'd have to think about it and I know she would be crushed if I took back the job offer, but it will impact the rest of my supervisors if she doesn't take on those shifts. It is in my power to make this happen, but I don't know if I should. Thank you so much for sharing your story, mt, and it definitely sounds like you're in a tough position. You're looking at the needs of one staff balanced against the needs of your team, and on top of that, you have your own feelings around not wanting to let someone down that you've been talking about this with, and we're going to start on the practical side of boundary setting and then more look into boundaries in general in a leadership role and why we hold them or why we don't. Let's break this down even further into the idea of her being in the position, giving her the role or withdrawing the offer in light of this new information that we have.
Speaker 2:So if you were to hire this person, the very basics is, there would, of course, be some logistical things to consider. I'm assuming that your workplace is set up and organized in a way that this schedule has generally worked for you. I've worked in customer service position with very similar requirements, as people generally want to have evenings and weekends off, and so they can match up with anyone in their life who has a more nine to five regular schedule. Match up with anyone in their life who has a more nine to five regular schedule. Now, if you're looking to problem solve, something you can do is you can ask your other shift supervisors if they like the current way of scheduling things. And this is not a bad thing to do in general every once in a while, as sometimes schedules are made like this and then they're left for a really long time and maybe they're no longer serving the needs of the people in those roles.
Speaker 2:Now, always start this conversation by saying you might not change anything. This is not you opening the floor that they're just going to get to decide everything, but you would like some opinions on what's been working and what's not with the schedule. Maybe they'll say that they like things the way they are. It's not ideal, but it works pretty well for everyone. Maybe they'll ask to shift some small parts outside of this concept even that you have now realized might work better for them. Or maybe some people will even say things like I'd actually prefer to have all weeknights or I'd prefer to have all weekends. I have friends who do shift work and some of them do prefer having those different shifts because it means that their weekdays are free and that gives them other opportunities. So maybe you start this conversation, you get this ideal outcome where some people say, yeah, I'd rather take evenings, I'd rather take weekends, everyone else would really love to move to those regular weekday shifts, and suddenly that situation has changed. Now, of course, the flip side of this is if one of those people leaves in the future, you now will probably stick to your schedule and want to fill an evening or weekend role, which might be harder or might not. Also, regardless of this, whatever you do, if you choose to change a schedule, of course that will take time, and just one thing to consider in the back of your mind is, if you are choosing to hold on to this role for this person as the schedules change, you are unfortunately limiting the rest of your staff and not having a shift supervisor for that time. So just keeping that in the back of your mind.
Speaker 2:Now, the second thing you want to address assuming that all these logistics are going to magically work out and you want to offer the position is the impact that that's going to have emotionally on your other team members. The reality is, with a lot of workplaces, there's a lot of gossip, there's people talking about other team members and what's happening in the situation. Not all of it's necessarily unhealthy, but it definitely has an impact on how people see each other and there might already be, for all you know, a story going around about how this person is your favorite because you've been mentoring them and getting ready for this position and you know they'll get whatever they want. I'm not saying there is, but there's the possibility that that's happened. Or even if there was no story already, if people know that shift supervisor schedules used to be this way they've now suddenly changed as this new person come in, that could start all sorts of assumptions about what's happening.
Speaker 2:So if you get that sense of unfairness in the office, it can be a really dangerous thing. It can be so harmful to morale because people see, or they assume what they're seeing is other people having some sort of favoritism. This is in any sort of situation, not just in this one. They assume that there's some sort of special treatment and then they feel very hurt that they don't get that kind of special treatment. They might act out in different ways because of that or choose to leave because of that.
Speaker 2:And this is a space where, if you have been responsive, if you've built up these great relationships with all the individuals on your team, then you will be in so much of a better space for this, because big decisions like this, like scheduling, is a huge ask, but there are so many things that you can be doing for your team throughout the week, throughout the month, throughout the year that will indicate that you have heard them, that you're listening to their individual needs, and there are small things you can do to support that. Like I said, they don't all have to be big, like scheduling, but when people have said something to you and something small changes, or they receive a small thing, they feel really heard and acknowledged and special, and that's really what you want all your team members to be feeling all the time. So, that being said, maybe you've already thought about all these things, you've considered this, you're trying to think about how you can make this happen with your staff member, and it probably is easy to see some of the benefits of this. They will be happy, the staff member will be happy, you'll maintain a good relationship with them because they feel you've gone to bat for them, and you'll probably feel good yourself. And it's this last part that I now want to focus on as we shift more to when you're a leader, why hold boundaries? What's the benefit, what's the disadvantage?
Speaker 2:And when we really tend to prioritize relationship and supporting people and caring about people, it can sometimes feel even harder to hold boundaries so many people get worried about if they hold a boundary it'll somehow negatively impact their relationships, and so they'll often soften or give up boundaries whenever there's any sort of ask against them. And, like all behavior that we talk about on this show, your decision about boundaries can be on a spectrum. On one side is being really firm with boundaries. On one side is being really flexible with boundaries. And MTU coming with a story like this or question like this makes me suspect that your comfort level is going to be more on the side of being flexible with boundaries, that it might be a little bit harder to hold a fur bag. I might be wrong, but I'm going to move forward with that assumption. You can correct me later.
Speaker 2:And there's nothing wrong with that. First of all, there's nothing wrong with flexible boundaries as long as they're being used consciously and in the right situations for them. The problem is when we might default to something like flexible boundaries because they're more comfortable or we're not comfortable on the other side holding that firm boundary, we can get into trouble. Maybe tasks don't get completed but you won't hold people to them. Maybe all your staff feel like they can come to you with big asks and you'll either burn yourself out trying to help them or potentially come back so you can't help them and then that's causing some conflict or disappointment. Or potentially come back, say you can't help them and then that's causing some conflict or disappointment. And of course there's the opposite. If you only ever hold firm boundaries, you might be seen as not having empathy or being too strict or rigid.
Speaker 2:So again, it's about this movement on the spectrum. How comfortable are you and when would you use these different things? And you can place yourself everyone listening right now place yourself on the spectrum of where you are most comfortable between firm boundaries and flexible boundaries, and start to ask yourself do I know why I'm comfortable here? What makes this space feel good? What feels uncomfortable about moving to the other side? What am I worried will happen if I move into a space with firmer or more flexible boundaries, whichever the other side is? How willing am I to do that? How would I know if I'm at the right place along the spectrum when making a specific decision and ultimately, as a leader, it's so important to be self-aware of why we're choosing to act a specific way in a specific situation.
Speaker 2:A lot of leaders unfortunately tend to be more reactive to situations instead of choosing how to respond to them. They're kind of unconsciously led by their emotions and then they're not responsive in how they address those specific people, those specific situations. So, mt, as you look at a situation like this, you really want to be aware of why you're going to make this decision to move forward, hiring this person or to withdraw the job offer, and if you offer this position from a space of what could be gained, looking at all the benefits and the strength perspective of the team and how everyone can really really work together and this would be a good thing moving forward or are you looking at it more from this space of losing a relationship with your staff member, even potentially losing them in the company, because of course, that's a reality. Maybe, if they're not offered the position, they'll not want to stay with the company and is there going to be obviously a bigger impact on the team with that option as well? And so you really want to consider some of these pieces of. Am I looking at the team's good? Am I looking at my own emotional well-being? And these are questions, of course, I can't answer for you.
Speaker 2:So there are times that you'll need to start do some reflecting and, to all the leaders out there, take a look back over some of your recent decisions. How conscious were you of these things when you were making them? Were you led by emotions at any point, especially strong emotions? How have you been tracking the impact that you made, the ripple effect that came from that decision you made? If you held a boundary recently or chose not to hold one, be more flexible. How are you feeling about it and what were the actual outcomes from that? I think it is so critical for leaders to ensure that their leadership practice is a really reflective one.
Speaker 2:Now, the flip side of this and you want to be careful is if you find that you spend a lot of time constantly going over what happened in your head, going through the day, going, oh God, I made that decision. That decision, was that the right thing? Oh, I held the boundary. Oh, I didn't hold the boundary, and you're really questioning every little thing, you are might be spending a lot of time reflecting, but it's not helping. You, might be making you anxious or stressed.
Speaker 2:Then what I would recommend is really start looking at your reflective practice and maybe you need to externalize some parts of it. And that is maybe you need to seek some more feedback from the people around you your staff team, your peers, your supervisors to understand what the impact actually was. And that's the next step for you, because once you know what the impact is, then you have some real evidence, as it were, to then address those reflection questions. Oh God, did I make the right decision there? Oh, I talked to my staff team. They thought that was a pretty good decision, or there were some things that they would have preferred. Now I have that information, I can edit my reflective practice and then we can move on.
Speaker 2:So finally, mt, if you decide that holding the boundary is the best thing in the situation, ensure that you're making space with the staff member to have a discussion about it, and we don't have time to go into all of the things I recommend for that discussion today.
Speaker 2:You can look into some of our past episodes where we talk about things like that, and, of course, we'll be having a follow-up conversation soon so I can share some more with you about how I would go about that. And, as a reminder to all our listeners, if you have a story you want to share, please do. We would love to have it and if you do that, I will follow up with a session with you just to say thank you so much for sharing and make sure your questions are fully answered. I want to thank you so much for listening, for learning with me, for choosing to reflect on your own leadership, to constantly be improving, tracking that impact and really creating the ripples that you want, and, as we close, remember to ask yourself what kind of ripples am I going to create this week?
Speaker 1:We hope you enjoyed the episode. Make sure to subscribe, comment and connect with Leah at meetleahca.