The Calling: Follow your spirit- all the way in

S2 33 What Mourning My Mother Taught Me

• Homaya • Season 2 • Episode 33

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Welcome

In this episode I continue the tender conversation that began in the last transmission about my mother’s death. This time I am sharing about grief itself, strong emotions and the hidden gift in death. I speak very honestly about how grief is moving through my body thirty days after my mother passed, how it arrives like a powerful wave with no story attached, and how choosing to truly feel is giving me more life, more power and more wisdom.

Episode Summary

I explore how birth and death are not single moments but long processes that reflect the way we live. The way you die, and the way you give birth, is an extension of your lifelong patterns. You do not suddenly become someone else at the moment of death or at the moment of birth.

I describe how grief arrives in my body like a powerful wave, with no story attached. Tears, sound and movement come, whether I am alone or with others, and I feel deep peace about my relationship with my mother. I share how most of us try to rationalise emotions, attach stories and blame others, instead of letting the pure energy move through us to clean, liberate and transform us.

I speak about grief as an initiation and a rite of passage that supports my mother’s ascension and my own evolution. I reflect on how our mothers live inside us, how this era is asking us to reclaim our individual power and life force, and how allowing ourselves to feel fully is how we make art out of our lives.

Key Takeaways

  • The way you die and the way you give birth reflects the way you have lived.
  • Birth and death are gradual processes, not single moments.
  • Grief is pure energy that can move through you without a story and serve everyone involved.
  • Rationalising and attaching stories to emotions creates suffering and disconnection.
  • Allowing yourself to feel fully gives you more life, vitality and connection to the Divine.

If you are in your own season of grief, or you are feeling emotions that seem too big, too wild or too much, I am holding you gently in my heart. You do not need to make sense of it. You do not need to have a beautiful story for it. You are allowed to feel.

Let this episode be a permission slip for you to let the waves move through your body and to trust that something sacred is happening in you and through you, even if your mind does not understand.

Thank you for being here with me, for your courage to listen, to feel and to stay present with life and with death.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, text the show.

Homaya Resource Links:

Homaya: [00:00:00] I wanna take a moment to share about the grief. I wanna take a moment to share about strong emotions and, and the gift in death.

Homaya: In the previous episode, I was sharing that a lot of what happened with my mother death was very much connected to birth. There's so many things that feels the same. So many things that are very similar movement.

Homaya: When, when I saw her passing, one of the sensations that I had is that the way you pass is the way you live your life, [00:01:00] the way you lived, the entire experience. It's not that you become someone else when you die, it's you in your style doing also that thing. It's the same with birth. So many people are, ladies are trying to prepare for birth.

Homaya: You're gonna give birth the way that you lived until that moment. You don't just give birth in a moment when the contraction starts. The contraction starts when you were one year. Old, two years old, three 15 when you met the partner when you got pregnant. Contraction doesn't start in one day. The birth doesn't start in a certain moment.

Homaya: The death doesn't start in a certain moment. The reason that I'm sharing that [00:02:00] is because we. Try not to experience death. We're avoiding it because we don't know what to do with it. We don't know what to do with the emotions. We don't know what to do with the potency, with the energy because we abused our emotions and instead of.

Homaya: Really getting connected to who we are and what we are. In time of death. In time of birth, we are running away from it.

Homaya: We don't allow life or death to touch us because we don't know how to feel. We're afraid to feel because we are afraid [00:03:00] from the amount of energy that comes together with feeling from the emotional waves, from the waves of energy.

Homaya: It's been 30 days since my mother passed. And grief is kidnapping me. It is just stepping into the room, opening the door with so much power and. Regardless of the situation that I am in, like a passionate lover taking me, and I almost cannot do anything. [00:04:00] It is coming from somewhere inside and out. It is passing through me and there's no story attached. I just want to release and energy is moving inside of my body, and then tears come and voice comes, and a movement come with it.

Homaya: But now there's no story. I don't need to invent a story. mourn.

Homaya: I feel such a complete peace among around my relationship to my mother and I can really feel how the grief, how mourning, how the sadness [00:05:00] is an energy. That is serving me, that is serving her, that is serving humanity way beyond what I can perceive, way beyond what I can feel, and I can really understand how it is so much more easy and simple if I just want to dilute.

Homaya: Make it easier for me to deal with this potency that comes with this energy, that it doesn't matter if I'm with people. It doesn't matter if I'm with myself. It doesn't matter if it's day or night, if I am in that room or the other room, if I'm in my car next to people by myself. Nothing matters. If the energy wants to move now.

Homaya: It'll [00:06:00] just move. And if what will come will be tears, then tears will come and the grief is coming with tears and without, but it's still here. I remember when I gave birth to my child, I was with myself and my husband. The midwife didn't came in time. I came when my child was already in my arms, but at this last moment, hmm, I could feel I was standing and I could feel that the head is coming and I, I didn't know what to do at that moment.

Homaya: That was the only moment where, for a moment my brain came in. Oh, the head is here. [00:07:00] Where am I? What am I going to do? Because I'm standing Who's gonna hold him? I cannot hold him.

Homaya: Ah. And one of the things that the midwife were saying to my husband on the phone, because he called them, is ask her not to push. Ask her not to push. Like there was something that I was doing in this birth. I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't pushing nothing, but I could definitely see my body moving in certain way.

Homaya: That was like, seems 

Homaya: like I am pushing, but I wasn't pushing anything. It is exactly like that, that the agony and the grief and the sadness are coming. [00:08:00] No mental idea around it. I don't need to tell a story. I don't need to explain myself. I don't need my mind to be okay with what is happening. Most of the people don't live like that. Most of the people must rational an emotion and a feeling, and they start weaving a story more than that.

Homaya: Some people feel the energy of the emotion coming and they need to attach a story to it, so they will have no problem.

Homaya: To grab in another image, another personality, another person, their mother, their father, their husband, their child, whatever. In order to [00:09:00] justify energy that wants to move through their body as emotion, most people. Look at yourself. How many times are you even aware? Are you even aware that the reason that you blame or the reason that you shame, or the reason that you gossip, or the reason that you go into fight and activate some anger or sadness or joy or fear and weave a certain story around whatever character?

Homaya: Just because there is energy that wanna pass through you in order to clean you, to liberate you, to transform you, to transmute you to be part of this ascension, to support your ascension. If you would just let go of the need to explain something to yourself, [00:10:00] because when. We're afraid to feel. We reject feeling we lose life. This is what this huge sadness, huge grief, is teaching me.

Homaya: I am aware that while I am mourning my mother, and while I am griefing my mother,

Homaya: I'm going through an initiation. route of passage and whether you are able or not to grasp it, I put it here. I am aware that I am still supporting her ascension and those waves that I'm feeling [00:11:00] of tears.

Homaya: The waves that I'm feeling of peace and the wholeness are part of me being present for her ascension.

Homaya: We're limiting our perception. Of life and death, of birth and death because the mind is so focused on the moment where the act is, the mind is so easily focused on the burn, but you are not giving birth. At a certain moment, and you don't die at a certain moment your entire life, you are living and dying.

Homaya: And even when you passed, even when you [00:12:00] died and you left your body, I am 100% sure I am feeling it like

Homaya: Absolute truth

Homaya: The ascension is gradual. The departure is gradual, and my grief and my agony, and my pain and my sadness, same with my peace and my completion, and how proud I am honestly on what I've done with myself. To be able to be in that place with so much awareness and with nothing as a story. Although I could have such a huge emotional story if I wouldn't have done my inner work, I could tell so much stories about our relationship, but there's none of it, and I know that I am birthing her. [00:13:00] As she's birthing herself into the ether, into the higher realms, back to the seat of her soul, back to her temple of creation, back home, the source to God.

Homaya: And this ritual right of passage, excuse me, for my English, I learned that that is actually the way to pronounce it. This right of passage is giving me more life. Is giving me more power, is giving me more wisdom, is giving all of us more of it and the fact that I am willing to feel the fact that I am so much willing to truly feel it [00:14:00] without a story, pure feeling, pure emotion. I'm gaining life.

Homaya: This is really an invitation for you to see because every moment you separate from something, every moment includes some grief, every moment there are feelings and emotions. Now, sadness and joy and anger and pain. Without the willingness to feel them, we're losing life.

Homaya: We're losing the opportunity to really experience life creation, wonder, beauty, romance, love.

Homaya: We're losing the option. To feel options. We losing [00:15:00] vitality, luxury grace, we are giving force instead to the linear mind and to the dormant. And experience of life. Life. Real life and the power of life is wild. It's primal.

Homaya: We are human, but we are wild, and our suffering, which is very different than pain, very different from sadness, very different from.

Homaya: Agony is coming because we're trying to reject this wild nature [00:16:00] of us. We're trying to attach a story and a reason to everything, and by that. We're disconnecting from God, from potency, from vitality, from beauty, from ourselves. The search for a reason, the search for. Rationalizing everything is taking you away from the magic of life. I feel that every day that passes and every day that I cry and every day that I allow myself. To give space for this [00:17:00] energy to birth this experience into the next era of myself, of her. I really feel how she's not only leaving this life, she's really leaving my body. When I was. When I was young. When I was younger, oh my God, she was so much inside of me. My mother, our mothers are so much inside of us.

Homaya: Almost everything that I would have that I was doing, I could hear her and see her and. You know, her voice, what she would say, how she'd like it, she doesn't like it, is like, oh my God. I had to work so much to clear my head and then to clear my heart and my [00:18:00] emotions.

Homaya: But now as she's passing, I really feel that I am even clearing my body and not because there's a problem with her, just because this is how it is and that this is this era. I had a conversation with a dear friend and colleague and person who have done so much work with me and so much connected today.

Homaya: We had a moment. And I, I told her something and I feel like sharing it here, who knows? It might be too advanced to some of you and it might land, you might get the code. I feel that the era we're heading towards gonna be completely different and even this experience of individuals. And family gonna be really, really, really different. [00:19:00] Very different. As we give more and more the power of birth, which is one of the strongest power that we have. We give it more and more and more to the machines conceiving. A human giving birth to a human getting pregnant.

Homaya: More and more we giving it to the machines, more work, giving our life force away, and I can see, I can really strongly see.

Homaya: The quality of a family and heritage of assets, money, personality, thought forms, [00:20:00] patterns. Will gradually be less and less.

Homaya: The individual will have more power if, if, if we'll wake up and take our individual power. We're about to enter an era where the individual power is gonna be so meaningful and so important, but this is at the end of an era that we gave our personal power.

Homaya: I am relating to money as a representation of our life force. How much life force we have is very much equal to how much money we have and the way we play with money is the way that we play with life force and as the digital currency will come in.

Homaya: Life will have an exit point and [00:21:00] less of you will stay here. There will be no heritage, not as well of money. Of patterns that to say you have this life.

Homaya: Make an art out of it. Allow yourself to feel all of it. It's a creating and a creator energy. Enjoy it.