EPI 91 - How the People Around You Shape Your Biology

Hi friend — welcome back to The Habit Within! I’m Camille Kinzler, and today’s episode is one of my favorite kinds of conversations — the kind that seems simple on the surface, but actually changes the way you see your life.

We talk a lot about food, supplements, habits, and routines… but what if one of the most powerful influences on your health isn’t what you’re doing — it’s who you’re doing life with?

In this episode, I explore how the people you surround yourself with don’t just shape your mindset or behavior — they literally shape your biology. Through the lens of epigenetics, nervous system regulation, and lived experience, we’ll look at how proximity, conversations, and emotional environments quietly influence your energy, hormones, and resilience.

In this episode, I share:

• A sweet listener story about staying grounded during busy seasons — and why small, shared rituals matter
• The simple “broccoli for breakfast” moment that perfectly illustrates the power of proximity
• Why we naturally absorb the habits, language, and rhythms of the people around us
• How relationships influence gene expression through epigenetics (think dimmer switches, not destiny)
• The role of co-regulation — and why calm, grounded people teach your nervous system how to respond to the world
• Why “keeping up with the Joneses” can be nourishing when we choose the right Joneses
• How to notice who you gravitate toward in social settings — and what that reveals about your internal state
• The difference between growth rooted in self-judgment versus growth rooted in curiosity and play
• A gentle invitation to seek out relationships that support who you’re becoming

This episode isn’t about cutting people out of your life or forcing change. It’s about awareness. Because when you understand how deeply your environment shapes you, you get to choose proximity with intention — and that choice can quietly transform your health, your energy, and your joy.

Big Takeaways

• Your relationships influence your nervous system, hormones, and gene expression.
• Growth happens through proximity — often without effort or force.
• Calm, regulated people help your body learn safety and ease.
• Curiosity-based growth creates expansion; shame-based growth creates pressure.
• Small exposures can create big shifts over time.

I’d love to hear from you

Who in your life helps you feel calmer, lighter, more yourself?

Reach out to them this week — or send me a message and tell me what this episode stirred in you.

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Transcript

(0:00 - 0:40)
Hey y'all, before we get started in today's podcast, in episode 89, I listed five things that I'm doing, really simple things that I'm doing this season to really stay grounded when life gets and feels super full and busy. And one of our beloved listeners also replied and gave me her five things. So I went to read them. 

So maybe you can take one of these on in your life over the next couple of weeks in order to, yeah, just make this a very present, heartfelt, joyous season. So here are her five things. She's listening to holiday music while getting ready in the morning.

(0:40 - 1:10)
And this is to help her turn off her busy brain and lean into a more festive season. Two, she's reading from her stack of Christmas picture books. So she's doing this with her son. 

It sounds like this is a yearly tradition where they read through these books every night. Number three, she's drinking peppermint schnapps in her coffee on weekends when she is not working and she's doing that all month. She is saying yes to the boy's request to drink hot chocolate every single day.

(1:10 - 1:35)
I love that one because, oh, she says, sometimes I even offer before they ask. I really love this one. I'm doing the same thing. 

I actually even requested or asked if my son wanted me to make him hot chocolate for his bath time. He still loves baths. He's like his mama. 

He likes to luxuriate. Is that a word? And the bath. And so I even asked if he wanted a little hot chocolate.

(1:36 - 4:32)
And then number five, recognize and release the urge to photo document every single sweet or moment and use the cue to capture the feeling within my heart and whole body instead. Yes, that is such a good awareness. That's beautiful awareness. 

So if you have five things that you're doing that isn't, we're not efforting, we're not adding things to our list, but just really five subtle things that you can do within this season to feel more rooted and grounded in yourself and in the moment. Please let me know and I will share with the audience. Thank you so much for sharing that. 

I love hearing from you guys. And yeah, so let's get into today's episode. Welcome to the Habit Within. 

This podcast is for high achieving women, 35 and older, who seem to have it all together, but feel like they're constantly running on fumes, struggling to balance it all and losing sight of the woman they used to be. I'm Camille Kinzler, a former physician assistant turned transformational coach, blending science, positive psychology, and a metaphysical approach to habits, health and vitality. If you've ever asked yourself, why am I so exhausted even after a full night's sleep? Or I feel like I'm juggling so much, but I'm just barely keeping my head above water. 

You are in the right place. Each week, we'll explore the real reasons behind feeling overwhelmed, trapped in the cycle of overworking and constantly running low on energy and how to break free from the patterns keeping you stuck in survival mode. It's time to stop living on autopilot and to start feeling like yourself again. 

Let's dive in. Hey, welcome back to the Habit Within. This is Camille, your host, and I am coming to you from my home while sucking on a candy cane. 

It's that time of year, and I am so proud of myself because I am done with all of my Christmas shopping. There's one or two delayed gifts, but otherwise, I have checked everything off the list. And, you know, it just feels like I'm adulting hard right now. 

And today, I actually decided that really focusing on my business was more important than some other things that had to do with volunteer work. And making that decision also feels like I'm adulting. You know, you really have to prioritize. 

And we'll talk about that more in the new year as we're really shifting and finding things that really kind of fill us up. Even though we're still in the winter, when we want to, it's our time to kind of draw in and be more introspective. I know that a lot of us also feel like new year, new goals, new aspirations, and that is cool to you.

(4:32 - 11:03)
Whatever feels inspirational to you, that is what you need to go with. If you feel the hit to do something, then move with that. And don't feel like you need to do anything that anybody else tells you. 

If you do think that maybe spring is more of your time when you want to pull out the list of New Year's resolutions or intentions or your word for the year, then do that as well. Whatever floats your boat, really, again, so important for you to figure out what is really motivating you, what really drives you, what pulls you to be your best self. And really, kind of that's what we're going to be talking about today, is who you surround yourself with really shapes who you are or who you are becoming. 

I believe that it is extremely important to surround yourself with people who are intentionally trying to be better humans, not just for themselves, not just for their Instagram lives, not just for who they see themselves in the mirror, but for the people around them, for that ripple effect that they have that they create in the world by just being a better person. And yeah, and this idea came to me while I was making breakfast, while I was eating broccoli for breakfast. I have a really good friend of mine, and she is also a client, and she was telling me that she was eating broccoli for breakfast. 

I think she was eating it raw broccoli for breakfast. And I was like, wait, what? You're eating broccoli for breakfast? I have literally never heard about anybody eating broccoli for breakfast. Now, okay, don't get me wrong. 

Eating vegetables in the morning is not unheard of for me. I love a really good morning salad. And here you go, yo. 

Here's my recipe. It's getting arugula with white vinegar and olive oil and a really good sea salt on a fresh baguette smothered with warm butter and two poached eggs. So you have your baguette, butter, your arugula, then your poached eggs on top. 

It is such a good combination. I want it right now. The first time I ever had this was in this little French bistro that was around the corner from our house in Portland, Oregon. 

And oh my gosh, it was divine. Anyway, but I never actually ate broccoli for breakfast. It just really never crossed my mind until one morning I had leftover broccoli from dinner and I made two fried eggs over easy and put them right on top with some seasoning. 

And it was truly fantastic. But I would have never thought to do that on my own. If my friend who is exploring different ways to, um, release more estrogen through metabolizing it, detoxing from estrogen and then excreting it. 

So if she, um, wouldn't have been trying out different things in her life to eat more cruciferous vegetables, then, you know, then I would have never known about it. Right. And, um, so this is like the beauty of somebody who's really looking at how to improve their health and vitality and then sharing these little tips and tricks with you, with other people. 

So I learned something really small and practical, something that I can share with other friends and clients, but it was really also impactful and super tasty, but I would have never done that on my own if I wouldn't have been connected with somebody who, um, yeah, who is, who's trying to, to be a better human in their life. That's the power of proximity. And there's, I'm sure most of you guys have heard about, um, the average of the five people you are around. 

Um, this is, was created by a personal development teacher back in like the mid 1990s. I think I'm not a hundred percent sure, but he used the, this theory of the mathematical law of averages to human behavior, like mindset, success, health, and the way we see our world. So basically, um, the idea is, is that over time we tend to move towards the average of the behaviors and attitudes and conversations of our immediate environment. 

And it's not because we're attempting to change. It's because we're, and it's not really because we're like influenced in this obvious way, but it's because of the way that we as humans just adapt to our surrounding. And this is actually pretty interesting. 

My father-in-law moved out to the country about 20 years ago. He's from the country. Then he lived in the city for, um, several decades and then moved out to the country. 

And over the years, it's really interesting. We've, um, watched something really interesting unfold because the way that he thinks and the way that he talks and his perspective um, and what he brings to conversations has shifted. And, you know, really, I guess it's not dramatic and it's been gradual over the time, but it really does show that who we surround ourselves, the environment, the different pace of life, the different priorities that people have, the different conversations that people have over years really do change how you think and engage in the world. 

He's a retired guy. He's financially really secure. So it really is just the conversations that he's having with others has really informed how he thinks and how he engages with the world. 

And I think also what's really interesting, and you know, it's my jam, is that we don't really talk about this aspect enough. Our relationships don't just influence our thoughts and our habits, but they influence our biology. So through epigenetics, we know that our environment, including the emotional and relational environment, can influence how our genes express themselves. 

Remember, your genes are like a dimmer switch. You can brighten them up and you can darken it. You can illuminate them or you can shut it off. 

And you have that ability to do that based on your environment. So your genes themselves are not set. Well, you have a set amount of genes, but the way that they express themselves, I want you to view it or picture it like a dimmer switch.

(11:03 - 18:27)
So the people that you spend the most time with, the conversations you have, the tone and the energy and the nervous system of the people that you surround yourself will inform how you respond to the world. I did an episode about co-regulation. I went back and tried to see which episode it was so I could refer you to look at it. 

And I haven't broken down the episodes within seasons, and it was actually really hard to find. So let me know if there's a way to search episodes within podcasts, because that would be like themes within podcasts, because that would be really, really beneficial. So I could start leading you guys back to different episodes that I feel like would be very supportive in a current episode that I'm teaching on. 

So who you're around is teaching your body how to respond to the world. So whether that's with tension or curiosity or openness or with ease, whether it's for the good or for the bad, it just does. I like to think of this in more of like this feel-good version of keeping up with the Joneses. 

So it's more of like a nourishing and feel-good way to keep up with the Joneses instead of like this comparison thing, like houses, cars, and bank accounts, and bodies, and all that stuff. But really keeping up with people who have the emotional regulation that you want, that are calm, that are present, that are joyful, that are curious, that are kind, that have self-respect and respect for others. When we really create a circle that feels more like that, then we just absorb that. 

We don't actually have to struggle or work at it. Then we just kind of like feed off of their goodness. And I know that you guys have experienced this before when you walk into a room and you're attracted to that person who maybe has positive things to say, they're excited about life, they're interactive. 

Maybe they're even just like kind of wild and fun. And then you go and you go to the next person and you're talking to them and they're like negative. And all they do is complain about their day and the world around them. 

And you can feel that. You can feel that within your body. And you're like, oh, who do I want to like hang out with? And sometimes we're attracted to the people with the energy that we currently have. 

So if we've had a bad day, we might gravitate naturally to that person who also had a really bad day. And then y'all are just like, you know, sitting over there talking about how horrible life is. And you're not attracted to that person over in the corner of the room who actually is uplifting and has had a really amazing day and wants to share it. 

And so that's just something to observe during the holidays when you're around a bunch of people. Who are you gravitating in a room full of people? Are you gravitating towards the complainers? Are you gravitating towards the people who are more uplifting? And what you can notice is that maybe that's a moment for you to really check in with your internal landscape and like, huh, how am I doing? Is this something that I just really needed to have like an ear to decompress to share the feelings that I'm having, which are absolutely fine? Or is it really because I'm really getting into this cycle of complaining and of, you know, viewing the world in a negative lens? Because it happens, y'all. It happens. 

And we have to be aware that we are in that perpetual cycle. And it's our job, it's our responsibility then to shift out of it. But it really is beautiful when we can co-regulate. 

So basically, it's somebody who has a really calm nervous system. This co-regulation happens a lot in parent-child relationships. So when a parent is worked up, a child feels that nervous system without actually knowing the words or why it's happening. 

If you're anxious, if you're stressed, your kid is going to be anxious and stressed. So it's so important to be, you know, to check in with the way that you're showing up in a relationship when you're in this relationship with child, your child or somebody else's, because they read those body cues and that energetic cues so easily and subtly that it's really good practice to just know that that's how we regulate with adults as well, with people that are our age. And we might not recognize it as much. 

And this is the importance of that ripple that I spoke about earlier, that we do are the way that we show up within the world, the way we interact really does have this ripple effect on others. So learning new skills and new ways of being not only helps yourself, it helps those around you. And also just remembering that not all self-improvement is the same. 

I have a episode about this somewhere in the archives as well, where I go deeper in it. But I just wanted to touch on this again, that some people really are trying to improve themselves from a place of not feeling good enough, wanting more approval, needing more love and admiration. And that kind of growth usually feels, you know, more like pressure and self-judgment. 

And there's this other kind of growth. And this is the kind of growth that I really want us to focus on. And it's that kind of growth, growth that comes from curiosity and playfulness and experimentation and genuine desire to live and love better. 

It's the kind of playfulness where we recognize that this is our opportunity to live and be, you know, have our one and only life in this world. And why not mess around with some of the, you know, the Lego pieces in order to really create something that's interesting and different and something that leaves the world a better place when we're gone, if you will. Because I don't know, if you're like me, I actually think it's really, really cool living in this human experience and that we get to practice with all this stuff. 

So most of the time, growth doesn't require this massive overhaul. And I want you to hear this, especially as we're coming into the new year. Most of the time, it doesn't require a lot of efforting. 

It just requires subtle noticing and experimenting and trying again. And that alone can really feel like positive and hopeful and not in this place where there's a ton of friction. So for me, the motivation to grow is super simple. 

I just want to be a better human. I want to be around people who want to be better humans. I also recognize that when we are in this human experience, that we're not going to be all butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. 

And that is cool too. But we have to be aware that we're jumping from these emotions and that each of them are important for a reason. So it's not about pushing through a negative experience.

(18:28 - 19:12)
It's about being aware of that experience and then moving through it. But I just know that I want to be a more patient, more present, more loving person, and not because that I'm lacking that, although I'm not 100% great at those things. And that is the reason why if you've heard through my podcast that it's a consistent theme, it's because when you have a goal in life, it needs to be a stretch goal, right? It needs to be something that you're always working towards. 

Because if we can just like hit it super simply, it's like the mission statement in a business. So mission statements and within a business is something that you're always striving to achieve. And so I kind of think about this as my own mission statement in life.

(19:12 - 21:14)
My mission is to be more present and be more patient and be more loving and to impact the people around me. Am I great at that all the time? Absolutely not. I am practicing it, but it genuinely excites me and lights me up. 

And so this is just your invitation to think about a few people in your life who you know are intentionally growing in that positive way, that are also curious about being better humans, that are wanting to improve their lives from a place of interest and curiosity and not from self-judgment. And I want you to reach out to them. Now here's your, like, this is the stretch, right? I want you to reach out and ask them, like, how did you get into the thing that you're doing, right? How, like, what made you curious about it? And what keeps you consistent with always, like, maybe it is, you know, positive outlook, right? Like, how do you stay positive? Like, when things get really rough and hard, like what makes you go back to this place of optimism or whatever it might be for you? Just get curious with them because I promise you they're going to love to share what lights them up in the world. 

And just like my story about the broccoli, growth doesn't have to be from these, you know, reading hundreds of self-help books or big breakthroughs. I mean, it can come as simply as somebody telling you what they ate for breakfast. And y'all, in the next couple of episodes, I think we're going to discuss the, like, looking at really words of the year. 

So really setting your intention through a couple of words that can kind of drive your new year. And, and yeah, and then maybe we'll start diving into some of the universal laws. So I hope that you loved listening to this episode as much as I loved making it for you.

(21:14 - 21:19)
And until we see each other again, let me know what your big breakthroughs were.