Ever grappled with the tightrope walk of juggling friendships with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship? You're not alone, and this week's Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast is here to unpack the nitty-gritty of these delicate dynamics. We're spilling the tea with my trusty sidekick Kamona, our marvelous guest Myra, and the ever-insightful Devonte. Together, we're breaking down the art of boundary-setting and the transformative power of trust. Mime's personal evolution from insecurity to a place of assurance sets the stage, while Devonte's take on preserving partnership sanctity adds a compelling edge to our exchange.
Heartbreak—it hits hard, it hits deep, but guess what? It doesn't have to be the end of the story. We traverse the rocky terrain of betrayal by friends and infidelity's lasting marks, and we're not shy about it. This episode takes you through our intimate strategies for pulling the pieces back together, from deep introspection to nurturing self-love. And because healing isn't one-size-fits-all, we delve into the nuances of the mending process across genders, with anecdotes that'll tug at your heartstrings and maybe, just maybe, guide you through your own journey back to love.
Can you really change your partner? That's the million-dollar question we're wrestling with as we round out today's session. I lay bare the lessons learned from my own experiences, arguing that true change is personal and self-driven. As we wrap up, we invite you to weave your own thoughts into the tapestry of this conversation—your viewpoints are the threads that enrich our vibrant community. So hit that subscribe button, share your wisdom, and join us as we continue to explore the intricate dance of love, friendship, and the transformative power of personal growth. Cheers to self-discovery and the bonds that make us human, until our paths cross again in the next episode.
Ever grappled with the tightrope walk of juggling friendships with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship? You're not alone, and this week's Bougie Bayou Witches Podcast is here to unpack the nitty-gritty of these delicate dynamics. We're spilling the tea with my trusty sidekick Kamona, our marvelous guest Myra, and the ever-insightful Devonte. Together, we're breaking down the art of boundary-setting and the transformative power of trust. Mime's personal evolution from insecurity to a place of assurance sets the stage, while Devonte's take on preserving partnership sanctity adds a compelling edge to our exchange.
Heartbreak—it hits hard, it hits deep, but guess what? It doesn't have to be the end of the story. We traverse the rocky terrain of betrayal by friends and infidelity's lasting marks, and we're not shy about it. This episode takes you through our intimate strategies for pulling the pieces back together, from deep introspection to nurturing self-love. And because healing isn't one-size-fits-all, we delve into the nuances of the mending process across genders, with anecdotes that'll tug at your heartstrings and maybe, just maybe, guide you through your own journey back to love.
Can you really change your partner? That's the million-dollar question we're wrestling with as we round out today's session. I lay bare the lessons learned from my own experiences, arguing that true change is personal and self-driven. As we wrap up, we invite you to weave your own thoughts into the tapestry of this conversation—your viewpoints are the threads that enrich our vibrant community. So hit that subscribe button, share your wisdom, and join us as we continue to explore the intricate dance of love, friendship, and the transformative power of personal growth. Cheers to self-discovery and the bonds that make us human, until our paths cross again in the next episode.
Hello, I'm Tony from Boozy Body Witches Podcast. Today we're going to be talking about is it okay to have the opposite sex, friends and a relationship or marriage. So we're going to go ahead and get started with introducing everyone. This is Camonda, the co-host.
Speaker 2:And this is, I'm Mime the Guest, and this is.
Speaker 3:How you doing this is Devonte All right y'all.
Speaker 1:So let's go ahead and get started on this topic. What do you feel, Mama? How do you feel about having friends of the opposite sex? I don't have a problem with it. Me personally, I would prefer a male best friend versus, you know, a female best friend, and I would be okay for my significant other to have a female best friend. As long as we have the right boundaries, as long as there is plenty boundaries set in a relationship and she's fully aware that you know me and him is together, I don't have a problem with my significant other having a female best friend. What do you?
Speaker 2:think. Do you think there's a difference though? What she did say it's a relationship and then marriage. There's two different things.
Speaker 1:Marriage, I don't have a problem with it either. As long as we have healthy boundaries, I don't see a problem with it.
Speaker 2:I agree. Okay, so would that you mind? I agree with that. Whenever I was, I am married, I'm going on five years of marriage and whenever we first started dating there was a little bit of like you know we were. I wasn't okay that he had so many friends that were girls, that were females, and that just reflected on me that I wasn't secure about myself, because that's where it stems from. So whenever I worked on that and our relationship got better, we got married and I'm like you can have as many friends as you want, I don't really care because I trust you.
Speaker 2:And I know that you're going to, you know, treat me with the respect that you promised not only my father but myself, Exactly how you were going to be with me. So I do agree. I did think, as long as there's the communication, communication, the trust you guys are talking about it being open, about it not keeping secrets, not being like with the phone upside down, like all those clues, all those little things, yeah, like just talking, that phone being upside down.
Speaker 1:So have y'all had any problems since you openly communicated with him that it's okay to have a female? Best for you.
Speaker 2:No, he actually doesn't have any friends, he just prefers not to he's like, but why not? I'm like now. I'm like I'm cool with this. I'm like, please make some friends. I don't care if they're friends like girls or males, like I just don't care. He's like no, I just like my piece. They bring too much confidence.
Speaker 1:I know, I know I've never heard of it.
Speaker 2:So yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:What about you, N'Baltay?
Speaker 3:I think it depends on the situation. Like you said, if it's marriage, I feel like, yeah, you can have your friends, but y'all definitely got to have boundaries.
Speaker 1:Right, I definitely have boundaries.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's a thin line with friends and just having that intimate partner, not allowing them to penetrate that sacredness that y'all got. I think if it was to have boundaries, top three boundaries would be definitely you can't speak about me. Y'all talk about everything in the world. Don't be pillow talking about me, pillow talking, don't compare me with you. Don't be doing none of that. Yeah, yeah, and then just also just being platonic hugs and cool, but watch them looks, watch how you touch on me. But as far as like a girlfriend, boyfriend relationship, yeah, have as many friends you want to. I wouldn't put no boundaries on it because it's just like it's the trial period. Exactly, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I wrote for people to hang themselves, so yeah, you don't want to get to the end of the road, right? Well, I would say for me Going to the Timdriver. Ham.
Speaker 1:I don't have a problem if my man had friends that were opposite sex. It's all about trust. Like I say, once you become a secure individual and yourself, then you're not going to be sitting up here and sitting in secure telling them to stop, you know, being friends with them, because if you're in a relationship it ain't guaranteed that you're going to make it to being you know in marriage, so why would you sit here and let them in as friendship?
Speaker 1:that could have been way longer before you came in. The picture is over your jealousy. So I feel like, when it comes to that, you got to start learning how to compromise and be okay and not be selfish and think about only your needs and yourself and also like, if we're in a marriage, of course we can have friends with opposite sex. Fine, I ain't tripping, you know. I like men and women.
Speaker 2:So hey, there you go. We all know how Tony rolls.
Speaker 1:We just work in happy family.
Speaker 3:What boundaries would you have, though? Like save you married and whatnot, and they got friends. What boundaries?
Speaker 1:And parties and dinners and stuff like that. I don't have a problem. It's all about trust. You know what I'm saying, Cause I'm not going to lie Back in the gap. I used to be jealous, but as I started learning to love myself, I started realizing. What are you jealous of, getting mad for?
Speaker 1:And you love yourself and you trust him. It's all about trust. You got to learn how to trust that man. If you can't trust him, it's like, why am I with him? So I started learning to be more lenient and starting learning to trust. And then you know I can say if he gone cheap, he gone cheap regardless.
Speaker 3:So dinner dates is cool, the lunch dates is cool, gifts giving gifts like if they go to lunch. Where's the mind?
Speaker 1:drama as long as he lets me know and not somebody else you know, sneak in and tell me, you know what I'm saying. It's all about communication.
Speaker 3:Transparency Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so long as he let me know, cause if I want to go, you know, on a dinner uh, I ain't gonna say date, but I want to go eat dinner with my friend I would definitely, you know, make sure he's cool with it and go. I'm going to have to disagree on you. I was, I was getting ready, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. What, what are you going to do? Go ahead, I want you to. All the reason why I would say you know, all the reason why I could see her saying that because she like both she like she's comfortable with that.
Speaker 1:Exactly, but as far as, like you being in the marriage and I'm in a relationship, then no, we I would be really we're not doing like the lunch.
Speaker 2:Because, at the end, of the day you're taking also from my pockets.
Speaker 1:If you're going, who said he's going to pay?
Speaker 2:for it. My husband wants to be real friendly and he just wants to be a nice. He wants to be a gentleman.
Speaker 1:It's cool, but at the end of the day, if you're not with that woman that she should pay for her own meal, you should pay for your own meal and I agree, but not everybody's like. I don't agree with that because I want you to pay for my meal and then, in that pain over my lifetime, I just need you to pay for my meal. No, that's what I prefer.
Speaker 2:But if you were like, let's say you're your partner, if they took out somebody, you would be okay with them paying for the other female, but they're just friends and they have me.
Speaker 1:If they just friends, I'm not going to trip on them no see, because they just free life, just if he say miss me and my partner go out with his female best friend, pay for all of us. That part, yeah, I don't have a problem with that.
Speaker 2:I agree with but one, two I don't, just because I've been there done that and it brings problems.
Speaker 1:And everyone. But was that his genuine friend or was it a friend liking him wanting more? That's where I feel like it'll bring problems. You know what I'm saying? If they're just really literally genuine friends, then it shouldn't bring problems. Well, how long was you to find a genuine free? How would you say Maybe, this could be someone he grew up with, you know as a child.
Speaker 2:That's a different.
Speaker 1:yeah, Someone that would have made a lot in their 20s in college or you know, in school or anything like that. You know they just became really good Cause I have a best friend. He's a guy. He used to live out here in Fort Worth Texas, but he moved back to Dell Halloween's. Yeah, if you watching, you'll know who you are, and so you know when he would get it, when he would get into relationships, he would tell his girlfriend about me and they wouldn't trip. And I'm going to tell you when my vehicle break down. Guess who I call Him? Cause he's the only guy I knew and he will come out there and fix it.
Speaker 2:And it was nothing. He was just a mutual friend.
Speaker 1:He's helping me out. That's it, cause some women have male friends that can help work on their cars and they call them and I'm pretty sure they be in relationships, but that's it.
Speaker 2:They're just like a friend that'll help them out when they need help, cause, of course, I was actually in a situation like that where we were in the dating stage, you weren't married, but I couldn't understand, like how can you stay? And that was also disrespectful, though At the same time, in my point of view. He was on the phone with her because she was going through something until four o'clock in the morning, and I'm like so. Then I went outside.
Speaker 1:I went outside, I'm like, hold on Right, that's what I'm for. It's boundaries, it's boundaries, yeah.
Speaker 2:But only if I knew what was the back Like, what was in the back behind that, then I would have understood why he was doing that. Okay, she ended up taking her life, oh yeah, a couple months later. So I felt guilty for the longest time because I was like dang. All she wanted to do was reach out for help and that was his best friend, and she was going through something at that particular time.
Speaker 1:so I guess that's you know it's different. It's his best friend, especially if she, because she might have needs someone to talk to and that could have helped saved her life. So by you know him being there, yet it might seem disrespectful to us because it's four o'clock in the morning but you never know on the other end what's going on Exactly.
Speaker 2:So that's why, just now that I'm married, I'm more open-minded. I'm not like, okay, no, you can't talk to her or you can't talk to him. Right, we both set time frames like, okay, after 10 o'clock, I think that's a good time to go ahead and turn our phones off, and you know, dedicate the rest of the evening to ourselves until you fall asleep. There has to be boundaries, and stick to those boundaries.
Speaker 1:I think as long as you have the healthy boundaries and trust you can, it'll work. Yeah, it will work.
Speaker 2:What do you think?
Speaker 3:Do you feel like trust is to be earned or given?
Speaker 1:Both.
Speaker 3:Both.
Speaker 1:Because, yes, you give trust, you know you. When you first meet somebody you know it's not a guarantee that you're gonna trust them off top. So yeah, you may want to earn that person's trust but you know, I just don't meet you and be like, oh, I don't trust him, like that. So it can go eat both ways, really Okay. But if you break the trust, you of course you have to earn it back, because you you know people can't earn a trust back.
Speaker 3:Okay, now what are some?
Speaker 1:ways like they can break their trust to where you wouldn't trust them. Just lie, have an opposite of you know, an opposite of experience. Just selling my life, just lying for no reason.
Speaker 3:Anything suspicious? Why are you keeping your friend away from me?
Speaker 1:Right, why don't you introduce and bring all of us yeah, so I can be earned. Right, why don't you turn your phone face down, right?
Speaker 3:Why you gotta call her back, when I mean why you gotta call him back when, uh, you know right. So it's just, it's the. It's the only case talking front of me.
Speaker 1:Right Well you gotta have the compensation, yeah, but I know it's true, but I know my behind Miss Charlene in the back, but I'm just gonna you go, miss Charlene, she stays with Miss Charlene. She stays with Miss Charlene.
Speaker 2:She's with her back somewhere.
Speaker 1:No, but seriously, I'm with Charlene. You know like if you do have um friends with the opposite sex. Long as you know, you set boundaries and it's respectful, as you say. We don't have problems with it. It's just when you start being disrespectful and secretive and hiding things to be suspicious. What will I have problems with?
Speaker 1:So, let me ask you this question like, okay, so you say you agree to your partner or your significant other to have the opposite friendship. So what if you start noticing that you know he's being secretive about certain things? How would you approach him to tell him you might not have to let that friendship go? I'm gonna approach and I'm gonna tell him you might have to let that friendship go. If I start, you know my gut intuition is just start telling me things. I start sensing things, then, yeah, I'll definitely reach out to him and let him know.
Speaker 2:So when you uh.
Speaker 1:So if it comes down to where you it's, uh, he has to make a choice between you or her, or you know tomatoes, I know, so how? How, how child. I'll give you all feedback.
Speaker 1:If he wants to keep me, he's gonna let her go, and if he don't want to keep me, then it's called um deuces Next I agree with Tony Okay yeah, because this came down to situations like that where, um, uh, when I was uh, dating this chicks years ago, this female just seemed to be trying to get up under my skin, to be all around her, all up in her face. I know what she was doing and I said, look, you gotta put communicator talking to that, because I see what she's doing, she's trying to irritate me and, you know, make me feel some type of way. And, um, I did take up on it, um friend, because she didn't listen, so I did it myself, I admit that. But I mean now I would just give them that ultimate to do it and if they didn't think, you know, I just kick rocks.
Speaker 3:May I pose this question? So say, if you did allow the friendship which everybody agrees to allow, the friendship but say in the past you know you're significant other cheated on you with a friend like, do you think that'll change our mindset on it in the future relationship that you may have?
Speaker 1:Of course, I think so because that's trauma. You'll be traumatized by you know heal correctly.
Speaker 2:I don't even think that there will be a relationship after that for me personally.
Speaker 3:I'm saying with the next person moving forward.
Speaker 1:Yeah, If I don't heal from that situation, of course I'll block him. I wouldn't allow it because I'll be traumatized for what you know the previous person put me through, so I don't think I would allow it again.
Speaker 2:Okay, I don't know.
Speaker 1:You can't punish everyone else. That comes after what that person do. I feel like you might need to take some time on this, you know. I mean I can't punish the next person for what someone else did to me, because if I did, I wouldn't even want to date no more. And that is true, that is so true. That's the reason why it's very important to heal before you do move on. But if I do move on quickly to another relationship, yeah. I'm sorry, you can't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you beat a pillow pot. Penelogues heavily. That's why it's better to heal yourselves Everyone that's listening before you get into any other relationship. Heal heal.
Speaker 3:But what does that mean though? Like how do you heal? Like what tips do you?
Speaker 2:suggest Shadow work, except where you went wrong and where they went wrong, you have to also take a count on yourself. Doin' things Kind of love yourself, sit with yourself and just recognize where you were wrong in a relationship you know right in your role, just start.
Speaker 1:I don't never, you know, pinpoint the other person's flaws. I just start with me, because once you fix you, then, you and you vibe on a certain vibration. You attract the person that's on the same frequency, absolutely so no, I just take. You know, I forgive that person for hurting me. I forgive myself for hurting them if I did, and I just start workin' on me. I just start workin' on me and burnin' some self love candles and things like that. Taking solo trips oh, that's fun. Spiritual retreats.
Speaker 2:Just everything. How would you do it? How do?
Speaker 3:how do a man heal?
Speaker 2:How do a man heal? Do you even heal period? Yeah, I even heal.
Speaker 3:I guess I let y'all in a little secret For me. I don't know about any other man, but for me, if my heart is broken, we do get ours broken. I just dwell for a little bit. I dwell in my sadness for about a week. Nobody ever know about it, though.
Speaker 1:Right cause y'all. Keep the business up.
Speaker 3:Me and suffering silence. Yeah, I suffer in silence and then somehow for me I'm able to process it cause I'm just thinking back, kind of like how Mona touched up on it, saying like I need to review how I was in that situation and what led to it and whatnot. So after I get that understanding, then I'm just able to move forward and then it's easy to meet another person.
Speaker 1:I'll just get rid of the action, so do you feel like you need to jump out and go meet somebody else or do you just no, I sit still for a second, I sit still for a second, like how long do you sit?
Speaker 2:still, yeah, I was gonna say second how long does?
Speaker 3:it take, I say about a week, two weeks.
Speaker 1:Are you serious? That's not healing.
Speaker 2:You gotta take a couple months, like six months a year and stuff you gotta heal.
Speaker 1:That's why we got out of these broken marriages. Relationships are not healing Well, it depends on how long you was in that relationship and really how much he hurt.
Speaker 3:I'm mostly invested.
Speaker 2:you was in too, it's all right, we also gotta remember soul ties, though. If you have soul ties sexually connected to her, yeah, it might take you longer than a week.
Speaker 3:For me, my longest relationship ever was like 11 months, so for me to move on like it ain't.
Speaker 1:You haven't been in a relationship for years. Uh-uh, what I've been in friendships for years. I understand why he say a week now, because 11 months to him is just. Yeah, you have that soul ties, but not that soul tie.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right, right that connection.
Speaker 1:Wow, that makes sense. That makes sense. Wow, I'm saying that's gonna be seven years. It's been the longest for me Seven, 15.
Speaker 3:15.
Speaker 1:And it ended up in a divorce.
Speaker 3:Yeah, ended up in a divorce that sound like prison sentences.
Speaker 2:But I appreciate all 15 years if this song because it made me the person that I am today. That's right there.
Speaker 1:It made me the person. I am today, so I appreciate, thank you for everything going on the way it did, because I would be Exactly how every I would change anything from that relationship Nothing. And I went through it Like I went through it. Well, I know, right, I know I went through it, yes, but it made me the person that I am today, I'm gonna open everything. But hey, I am who I am.
Speaker 2:You nerf me a lesson, you nerf me a lesson I'm gonna bring a marriage.
Speaker 1:You just. But no. So I get why you said a week or two, because 11 months, yeah, you are emotionally invested, but not to that core deeply, okay. So that makes sense.
Speaker 3:It depends on if you love deep. I love deep. I'm a passionate person, so explain your reason of love.
Speaker 1:Explain loving deep from your perspective.
Speaker 3:Me. Yeah, I do anything for somebody I love. I probably wanna take my life for that person. Though If you don't say, if you don't duck when I say duck, then you gonna get hit. I'm gonna say why I say slugger, because I know there's.
Speaker 1:You know, for the male and female percentage of love is different.
Speaker 3:I'm a move mountains for the person that I love. I truly am, you know.
Speaker 2:Have you done it before? Yeah, and you got over them in a week.
Speaker 3:Not a week exactly, but a little over a week.
Speaker 1:Why? Because you're moving my boat tips and you're moving your mountains.
Speaker 3:For me. I'm moved, like if I'm hurt and I'm suffering in silence, I'm not gonna do it, you're not gonna talk to nobody.
Speaker 1:But don't suffer in silence, don't talk, it's not good to vent.
Speaker 2:It's not good to keep it in silence. It's not good to have someone to talk to in a minute. It's not good to suffer in silence.
Speaker 1:It's really no reason. There's too many people that you can talk to. But I know it's hard trusting people because I have a problem with that. I don't like express it and tell it in my feelings. I'll sit down and I'll talk to my spirit guys before I call up people, because you know I don't wanna be judged.
Speaker 3:I wasn't brought up like that, to just speak on my feelings either.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I don't think most men are.
Speaker 1:Most men are not, but you know that's the reason why. You know you're talking tough and dealing with stuff. So I get that. But just know that you don't have to suffer in silence. You got a group here that you cannot waste time to.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:Us witches you can talk to. I don't think so. I'm gonna have to be a practitioner. But no, it's just a lot of men's. I've noticed that. I've me conversate with. You know, even with me raising men's, they choose to suffer in silence.
Speaker 2:So I'm like no talk, let it out, because my older son he'll be like I don't wanna talk about it.
Speaker 1:No, I want you to talk because my boys do not be my talk. Yeah, they don't like to you hold it in Ed now and then when you meet your future wife, who's you made last shout out on her.
Speaker 3:No, I'm gonna talk to my best friend. Okay, there you go.
Speaker 1:I feel like, yeah, I'm gonna talk to my best friend.
Speaker 3:It's just like you can't tell your woman everything, you really can't. Your person, you can't You're not with the right woman.
Speaker 1:With the right woman, you can tell everything to me.
Speaker 3:You can't, maybe With the right woman, you know, but I don't think it's good to do that.
Speaker 1:My dad always told me Why'd you wait nine? Don't tell no men everything. I tell my daddy to talk to me.
Speaker 2:Because we trouble. But don't tell no, men, everything that's old school. Though that's old school, it's not with me, I would have to tell my friends things sometimes and I'm guilty of it, tell to your partner, because with my dad I was told me. Come here, dad. No see, that's old school.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. I'm going to tell my partner and I have, I talk about everything. When you get everybody, everything.
Speaker 3:I'm a great listener. But I ain't gonna tell you everything. I'm wild. I ain't gonna tell you everything.
Speaker 1:That's a whole other we're gonna have to put that in the video.
Speaker 3:This is an episode that's a whole other. I'm sorry, that's just the way I was raised.
Speaker 1:Some things I'm gonna take to the grave would be. I'm not gonna let you know all the skills.
Speaker 3:So why would you?
Speaker 2:I'm positive.
Speaker 1:But why would it be Okay, say for instance, if you know this is your person? I don't want to let you know all the skills in that class, because then I might start judging them and be like I don't know, but that's why I was in the show.
Speaker 2:That's what makes a relationship stronger. If you can look over, pass that and you'd be like, okay, that person did that and, wow, if you can look past it and take your relationship to a whole other level.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, wait a minute, I'm just telling you everything I'm telling you everything. I'm telling you everything. I'll tell you 85% of everything Like okay.
Speaker 2:I can open up more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's the reason why I say when you know that that's your person, you know with all your heart, mind, soul and body, you gonna feel the need to open up like it's just gonna come naturally, like they don't need to open up and tell me everything. Space for him or her to be able to pour out. It's a beautiful feeling my husband was up.
Speaker 2:He was, you know, he grew up in the streets, so he was. He's very street mentality, you know. So for him to express his feelings, he's like no, yeah, no, no. So then we began to work on each other. Like you work on yourself, I work on me. Okay, now let's work together on this problem or whatever it is. And now he's like my Me, he's able he can't do that with the rest of his friends like If he's around somebody he's like.
Speaker 3:I need my woman to see that I'm strong at all time. So it's like certain vulnerabilities I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna reveal to her.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not my best friend for sure see your vulnerability, because that makes us women feel good when we see yeah, but you can be like that.
Speaker 2:But if it need be, you need to. You could also, like you know, defend me.
Speaker 1:It feels like I can get both of it from my husband right. It feels like a piece of our relationship has a lot to go to another level with you. The more vulnerable you are.
Speaker 3:I Can see that you can. Yeah, I can see that.
Speaker 2:Yeah so like when you do first meet the person.
Speaker 1:Would you, you know, would this be something that job discussed when you first meet them? Like I would say within that first week or so, what you ask this like hey, how would you feel, you know, if I was with somebody? You know if I still communicated with opposite sex? You know we got into a relationship with the apple and that's something I should talk about in the beginning, like more within the first two, three days. Yeah, that's all they're just asking some people, they might not talk about it. That first.
Speaker 3:They might want to get a feel for the person before they open that.
Speaker 1:That's not me probably don't you know feel comfortable even bringing it up, because what if they in their last relationship they wasn't able to be friends with us? Is that so Okay?
Speaker 3:I would say I would be open and then, if they have a problem with it, we can have a conversation about it, and then we can.
Speaker 1:You know, either agree to disagree or we can compromise, you know do you think, because that's something that you want, would you think that it will cause confusion in your relationship, or would you allow it to get to that point to cause confusion if you choose to have a Friendship of the opposite set?
Speaker 3:I know it's gonna be problems for me. Yeah, because women love me, the women that I really they don't want to share me. You know, I don't know. Why is that?
Speaker 1:There's newer generation that's coming aboard. I mean that's just probably how they are. They're just kind of insecure.
Speaker 3:Possessive.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say all of them, but some of them are insecure, like you say, possessive and selfish, and they gotta understand. They got to share you around and realize that love is your secure and the skin that's ringing.
Speaker 3:Anybody gonna take your man if I'm a cheat, I'm a cheat, you know. I'm saying Check this out.
Speaker 1:That's the real thing that I heard. A man was tell you. I mean, like what you just, if you going to cheat, you go cheat, don't, bad Right, your friend is a female or a male right if Jesus couldn't say these hoes would make you think you can.
Speaker 3:Like real talk, though like what make you think you can if Jesus come through.
Speaker 1:But let me tell you though but let me tell you that's real, though I hear that.
Speaker 1:So I had a guy. I guess I would consider I'm gonna say we were friends, but we were more like associates, acquaintance, and his wife had, I guess, got a whole text phone and he was sleeping and you know, of course she can't even tell me what you're doing, telling my husband I'm like baby, I don't think. She know, honey, I don't want your man. First of all, he got five kids no disrespect, but I'm not into that Multiple baby mamas and he's a really nice, cool person. But that's all we were, was just cool. You know what I'm saying? Right, and I felt like she was insecure because she had to be contacting me, asking me a question first of all. Come on, she mad I have, but I don't want you man.
Speaker 2:So did she go out on you when she contacted you or was it a woman to?
Speaker 1:woman. I don't feel like she went off on me, but she did say something to me that kind of set me out but at the same time I kept a profession. Oh, that's me, you know. You know I'm not gonna sit here and go tip-and-tack and stuff like that. I just told I respect, I respect that and I won't take some anymore. But my thing of the matter is she's insecure, because if she was a secure woman she wouldn't have a problem with me texting him. I said they're told you, I don't want.
Speaker 2:You should be thankful and happy, I said, but we don't know also what this woman have went through before before you baby.
Speaker 1:He could have been texting other women's team, so when she saw your name, but yeah, I assume that he had told her about me because I told him hey, I don't want you. Man, I had a situation like that, but me and the guy you know we were, we were friends or whatever, we were trying to get to the next level, but his baby mom, I guess they had hooked up and he, she found my, but she called going off on me. That's why I should have questioned is she go off on?
Speaker 2:you or.
Speaker 1:She was just like who are you? She didn't even like give me an opportunity to explain who I was to him. You know. She was just like oh, I see your number. Y'all messing around, we'll be he was talking to me about spiritual stuff, you know, you know, I mean I was there trying to answer any questions that he had.
Speaker 3:No, but it is a threat, though, to have you know your partner have the opposite sex as a friend. It is a threat to you. Because, I done been that friend that's just been waiting for that dude to fuck up.
Speaker 1:I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm like, because I always like, if I do something wrong in a relationship and I want a male perspective, I want to be able to call you up and say, hey, did I do this?
Speaker 3:wrong, but when you cry, I got a shoulder for you to.
Speaker 2:I'll be waiting, so it's like Do you, do you want to get married?
Speaker 3:do I want to?
Speaker 2:do you see that in your yeah?
Speaker 3:traditionally no. That in a traditional way.
Speaker 2:I don't explain that.
Speaker 3:I don't want to go through the courts Because money then we get divorced. You gotta pay money to break, I mean to get a divorce like that on me.
Speaker 1:You, can't you got one to look at positive. Like I don't be together to dev, do your part.
Speaker 3:I go into it looking at statistics. Statistics say 40 to 50 percent people get married.
Speaker 1:They get divorces, because that's how you go into it Look, you gotta go into it saying I'm gonna be married to this woman to dev do it for I'm not gonna let her divorce me and I'm not gonna divorce her. I'm not even going into it like that. If I know, if this is my person, I know my body, soul and spirit. So you gotta know that it's your person, so I can understand your. I understand where you coming from. But, you ain't got the right one yet.
Speaker 3:I.
Speaker 1:Do Sad you gonna be like I do? He's like nah. I don't think I like me. I have seen a lot of my male friends like they just found the right way to Change. You wanna get married? Tell me a couple years later. Right one to come on and change.
Speaker 2:Oh, I look at now, I'm not talking about change who you are.
Speaker 1:I just change your perspective on stuff cuz you got some females accurate at a change who you are.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You can't change a man. You can't change that's.
Speaker 1:But that's how you can change them if you're the right, but if you're a woman, you can't really go in there and try to change them. You can suggest to give them a they they wanted to change.
Speaker 1:I didn't change them for that they wanted to change and get a better job to make more money and better than lies To take care of their kids right and to keep up with you, huh. I mean, I still communicate every now and then with them. That's a whole nother topic. We don't, can you change your man? Yes, all right, we're gonna go ahead and wrap up this topic, y'all. Like always, if you have anything back, leave it below. Leave it below, like, share and subscribe until next episode. Bye.