Bisexuality Unboxed

In this episode, we delve into the complex issue of bisexual representation in mainstream media, uncovering how stereotypes, misinformation, and erasure affect the bi+ community. Our expert guest, Meghan Maloney, brings insightful perspectives from both activism and personal experience.

Guest Bio:

Meghan Maloney – A committed LGBTQIA+ activist, Meghan’s advocacy began in her undergraduate years as she rallied for the repeal of California's Prop 8 and the inclusion of LGBTQ+ history in public education. She has led diversity workshops on queer terminology and inclusion strategies in organizations. Currently, she serves as a Director of Volunteers at a Los Angeles nonprofit and sits on the board of Gamma Rho Lambda, the nation’s only LGBTQ+ sorority. Meghan identifies as a queer (bi+) cisgender woman and lives with her husband and two cats. An alumna of UCLA, she holds a B.A. in American Literature and History with a minor in LGBT Studies, and she’s passionate about sharing stories of queer resilience.

Tune in as Meghan shares her experiences with bisexual misrepresentation, debunk media myths, and discuss what authentic and inclusive portrayal could look like.

Transcript

Megan Maloney and Tamar Sebesta discuss bisexual issues

>> Tamar Sebesta: Hi everyone. Thanks for joining me this evening. My name is Tamar Sebesta. My pronouns are she, her, and I am joined by Megan Maloney. Also pronouns are she, her and. We're going to be dismantling bisexual, you know, fact versus fiction, figuring out how the media isn't representing the community in a positive way and what are some things we can do to uplift those identities rather than tear them down. So thank you for joining us, Megan. I'm really looking forward to chatting with you.

>> Megan Maloney: Likewise.

>> Tamar Sebesta: Yeah, so we're going to be answering some questions and just feel comfortable answering them to your best ability and you know, sharing any facts that you think would really help someone out there that needs to hear your story and can connect that to their own life or to a friend's life.


How have bisexual identities been misrepresented or erased in mainstream media

So the first thing I'd love to know is how have you seen bisexual identities misrepresented or erased in mainstream media and what impact do you think it has on the community?

>> Megan Maloney: Yeah, you know, it's I feel like with bisexuality there is such a scarcity mindset around it and it's almost like if there's any mentioning or any indication that someone might be bisexual, we're like so quick to grab and claim them because it's like some representation, even if it's like problematic or chaotic. there's a lot of like memes around like bisexual culture which like I think are actually like really funny. But for more sort of like professional, you know, to the response to your question, I would say there's a lot of like false stereotypes, especially when it comes to women. and women that have sex with other women or romantic relationships with other women. I feel like bisexuality is often like captured in the male gaze where it's used for their sort of satisfaction or their pleasure. you'll see this often in like music videos, where you see like women like rubbing up on each other, in like rap and hip hop videos and sometimes in like other genres as well. But there seems to be this sense of like permissibility when it comes to like women and oftentimes that's reduced to kind of like a one night experience or a one time thing as opposed to like a legitimate identity. So I think there's just a lot around just like the role of bisexuality when it comes to like sexual enticement for like hetero couples, so to speak, especially when it comes to women. the way that male bisexuality is represented, is a little squishy because there is very little of it. And, the thing with also with bisexuality is that, it's really hard to demonstrate it, in a way that, like, other monosexual relationships and identities are. Because as a bisexual person on the outside, if you're dating someone of the same sex, you look like a homosexual couple. And then if you're dating someone of an opposite sex or gender identity, then, you're labeled as straight. And so it often feels like when someone is bisexual, it feels like it's intentional or, it's used, in a way to be manipulative. And we see that with media. you know, I think a lot of, like, examples, like in, moonlight, the movie that won the, Best Picture Award, I believe the main character is technically, you know, bisexual or maybe queer. but, you know, it gets swallowed up. And so I just. I remember, like, you know, the buzz around moonlight was because it was like, depicting like, a queer, person of color experience, not necessarily it being a bisexual experience. And so, you know, that story gets lost because it's then automatically like, coded as, a gay or a queer film, as opposed to a bisexual representation. And we see this often with other, films like Brokeback Mountain. we see it, want, to claim it. And then sometimes even when we do claim it, the representation is not the best, but we take it because it's something.

>> Tamar Sebesta: Yeah.


Thank you for sharing all of that. And now that's something I want to discuss more

Thank you for sharing all of that. I mean, personally, I don't believe I've ever seen a movie or TV show that really represents the specific bisexual identity. And now that's something I want to discuss more. And a lot of what you shared about having to pick, you know, to be with one sex or the other, I have personal experience with that in my relationship. We are both bisexual, partners. And, you know, for example, like, his parents, they don't understand, you know, and they even asked him recently, like, oh, you both have been together for like five years now. Do you not want to be with men anymore? And, you know, it even got to the point that one of his parents had expressed, oh, well, do you, like, fantasize about men? Like, are you pleased enough being with her? And, you know, my partner was like, well, I'm not a cheater. So, no, you know, like. And I think there's a lot of issues in regards to that as well. You know, like, assuming that someone won't be monogamous, you know, or with one partner if they want to be. And that's a Huge label and issue that I've personally experienced. I know a lot of other folks have as well. So thank you for kind of shedding light onto that and I really appreciate it myself and I'm sure someone in the audience does too. So.

>> Megan Maloney: Yeah, it's interesting. It's like we either have really messy representation or we have no representation at all. and there's like no in between like situational experiences as opposed to like identity. and that's hard because I feel like bisexuality is like we've been saying like really hard to prove. Right. and so with that it's like an intentional choice for someone to claim that and if someone doesn't consider it like a one time summer romance, like I, I, it's just like it, there's no consistency around like the longevity of someone's like bisexuality, I guess.

>> Tamar Sebesta: Yeah, no, I completely agree with you. Thank you for expanding on that.


What patterns have you noticed in the way bisexual identities are portrayed compared to others

So I'm gonna jump into the next question, which is within your research and activism, what patterns have you noticed in the way that bisexual identities are portrayed compared to other LGBTQ plus identities?

>> Megan Maloney: You know, I, there in meme culture we often as like bisexuals like say that we're like messy or chaotic, and we play into the stereotype that like we can't like make decisions. and I, and I would really like to counter against like that narrative. I think it's really fun to poke at the like, discrimination and the like stuff that's been used against our community as like, that's not true, all the time. I am someone that it can be indecisive, but it's not because I'm bisexual or at least most of the time it's not because of that.

>> Tamar Sebesta: I feel like that's everyone has at times, you know, and kind of tacking it on to you know, someone saying identity and mis portrayed. And I wish it wasn't like that, but I've definitely come across those memes. Being a Gen Z and very active on, you know, Tick Tock and Instagram since I was at a young age and I think that completely skewed my own image, you know, of what, you know, that identity would look like for me, you know, and it was so confusing and it still is, especially coming out, you know, in the recent years. I'm still trying to figure everything out and how that looks and I think it can be a lot harder and more challenging when you're young and susceptible to the media. So I would love to see some change too in that regard.

>> Megan Maloney: Yeah, yeah. Like, we need normal like, depictions of like people, that have had like bisexual experiences or identify as bi plus or queer. yeah.


You talked about bisexuality being a gateway into questioning queerness

So the other thing I will also mention too is that I've noticed like bisexuality has been a punchline. I. Why you gotta bring the bisexuals into the conversation also, you know, like, I guess like, oftentimes, like the bisexuality is often seen as like the gateway into like the questioning of like queerness or like, am I gay also, like, bisexuality is used as that gateway into having that conversation.

>> Tamar Sebesta: I would like to know, because you just talked about like it being a gateway, kind of being bicurious versus bisexual and how those lines often get blurred. If that's something that, you've heard of. Curious. I'm like, what do you mean by curious? Like, are you like. I don't know what the correct term would be, but maybe, you know, queer curious or something else. Like I feel like saying bi curious. Like you're curious about being bisexual. Like, you know, it's, it's so complicated. So I'd love to hear your perspective on that. Yeah.

>> Megan Maloney: Ah, you know, I was just thinking about that. It's like I've never met anyone that's like straight curious, you know, like, oh, what does it mean to like live on the straight line? You know? yeah, it's like, I think when people are experimental in that way, like, it feels like it's safe to kind of like not commit to that identity and that title. And that's the other thing too is like when people like use those terms, like hetero. Flexible, I think is also like a dating term that I've seen on some like dating websites. Oh, what does that mean? I mean, I think, think like people can be fluid in their sexuality and you know, I think there's also so much pressure to like label it and so that labeling is like also suffocating for people. these incidences in college or when they're in like same sex, like situations, like in the military, for example, or if they're at an all girls school or an all boys school, that it is something that's like a natural thing that's supposed to happen. I, I hate that people just kind of like say that that's something that is expensive. Expected that it's like a phase that everyone like goes through and they have to get it out of their system. I, hate that so much. Usually under reported, but yet we make the largest amount of the like LGBT community. and I wish people would talk about that more. I think people's sexuality and how they choose to identify, of course they're allowed to shift and change that. You know, I do think that there are legitimate, like, cases of people coming out as bisexual and then realizing down the line that they really do have more of a preference for dating a particular gender or they have a partner, that might not fit the binary as neatly. I think it's okay to evolve in that conversation. I guess I just wish that we had more space to recognize that, and, like, space for involvement, you know?

>> Tamar Sebesta: Yeah, totally. It's not there. It always gets from my research, you know, the news that, is there about the community always gets tacked onto something else, like a bigger story, you know, like, it's just kind of like a mention. It's not really like the focus. And that can be so frustrating and Totally.

>> Megan Maloney: Yeah, well, and I also think too, you know, like, in. I just think, like, because we live in such a mono, sexual focused culture, like, the idea of like, even having like, some bit of that fluidity, people just like, don't know what to do with it.

>> Tamar Sebesta: They just don't want to know. I, I would argue, you know, I feel like people like things that, ah, are black and white and it's never that, you know, there's always more color to the picture in everything and especially when it comes to disinformation.


How do you think disinformation affects bisexual people differently than other LGBTQ+ community

Which is going to lead me to my final question. I'd love to ask you. How do you think, you know, disinformation, like, that affects bisexual people differently than other members of the LGBTQ+ community?

>> Megan Maloney: I think internally there's also like a stigma that bisexual plus people feel of, like, are we traitors, like, to our partner? Are we traitors to, like, an ideology of like, what we once knew? and then it's often like, well, is this permanent? Am I going to switch back? Like, what. What is happening here? I. A lot of that rep, not representation, like, really hurts us because we, don't know we exist, obviously. And so then, like, I know for me, a lot of, like, my guilt and a lot of my internal struggle with putting a label was, is because I didn't have anyone to kind of like, model, like, what this experience could be for me. And so I just didn't have anyone to really relate to. and so when you don't see yourself, you struggle internally because you feel like, well, I can't be this and that. I have to be either or Because I saw so many representations of straight couples. I saw some representation of homosexual, queer couples. But I never saw anything that meant like, I could have like a fulfilling relationship, and be a bisexual person and not have my sexuality be used, in a way where it wasn't for my sexual gratification, it was for someone else's. So I just wish that we had more of those conversations when I was younger. I'm glad that we're having more conversations now. you know, I was even thinking about, even in video games, a lot of the choice based video games are like, including like options to kiss someone of the same sex. Now, like, I know the Sims is becoming a lot more progressive. There's a couple of really good video games, like Life is Strange, where they do have, those storylines embedded in, where you can kind of like, not necessarily like choose, but who do you want to make a stronger relationship with. So I like that because I think it allows people, to be able to understand that one, like this could be an option and that it helps normalize like their feelings of like, I might have feelings for both of these people, but it doesn't fit neatly into what society expect of me. so yeah, I think with that the disinformation affects us in a way where we internalize a lot of that guilt and a lot of that shame and that pressure of like, I need to make a choice, I need to decide for myself because if I don't, then I feel dishonest to everyone else that I'm talking to and potentially dating. and also it feels like we often have to come out with a disclaimer. Like, I remember when I was first dating my husband, I remember like telling him straight up, I'm bisexual. I don't know how you feel about that, but this is who I am. And as long as you're okay with it, I can promise you that I'll be monogamous and like, it'll be fine. But I felt like I had to do that disclaimer, you know, like on.

>> Tamar Sebesta: First, like two days, same thing. I got the disclaimer from my partner and then I, he actually helped me come out. So it seems like it's a very common thread, you know.

>> Megan Maloney: Yeah, that, that, that we have to kind of be like, hey, I have to tell you this about me because it's important and I want you to trust me. Like, that's kind of how I thought that I was like, I need to tell you because I want you to trust me and I'm Monogamous. That was the other thing I felt like I had to clarify. Yeah.

>> Tamar Sebesta: Yeah. Well, thank you so much, you know, for debunking a lot of those, you know, myths out there and for shedding light on, I think, future conversations that need to be had. And I feel like that will definitely help someone, you know, and as long as it helps one person, it's always a, you know, domino effect. And I'd like to see more positivity in the world and in the community. So just thank you so much for being here.

>> Megan Maloney: Yeah, of course. Thank you for having me.