From Burnout to World Champion: Aoife Roche on Identity, Grit, and Growth

What happens when you climb the ladder of success—only to realize it’s leaning against the wrong wall?

This week, I’m talking with Aoife Roche, a fiercely honest, wildly inspiring entrepreneur who walked away from a high-powered corporate role to become a world champion fitness model and launch a purpose-driven marketing agency. Her story is full of bold pivots, mindset gold, and more than a few truth bombs.

Inside this episode, Aoife shares:

• What made her leave a “dream job” in finance—and what she saw at the top
• How she built confidence through competition (bikini and business!)
• Why she believes most of us aren’t afraid of failure—we’re afraid of success
• The impact of social agreements, and why personal growth often means redefining relationships
• Her best advice for rebuilding after a setback (with zero loss of enthusiasm)

Whether you’re navigating a new season or just craving something more, Aoife’s story will remind you that you’re never too late—and never too far gone—to start again.

Key Moments:

00:03 – Aoife’s corporate-to-entrepreneur story
00:10 – The unexpected power of fitness and discipline
00:17 – Social agreements and relationship shifts
00:25 – Confidence, failure, and identity
00:33 – What success guilt really looks like
00:40 – Showing up, even when it’s hard

To learn more, or connect with Aoife:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/aoife-roche-80b53a22/ 

https://www.instagram.com/aoifejroche/ 

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Transcript

From Burnout to World Champion: Aoife Roche on Identity, Grit, and Growth

Ever felt like you were climbing the ladder of success, only to realize it was leaning against the wrong wall. This week I'm talking with Aoife Roche, a powerhouse entrepreneur who left behind the corporate grind, became a world champion fitness model, and built a business that reflects her values, her vision, and her voice.

We talk about resilience identity. Success. Guilt. Yep. It's a real thing. And what it really takes to rebuild your confidence when [00:01:00] life or business knocks you sideways. Plus, we get real about boundaries, relationships, and the whispers that won't leave you alone, the ones nudging you towards something more.

You're gonna want a notebook for This one. Here is Aoife Roche.

[00:01:15] Aoife Roche: So I'm gonna answer the first question before you ask. This is probably gonna be how to pronounce my name 

 it's "EE-fuh". 

[00:01:23] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay. how do you pronounce your last name as well? It's Roach. 

[00:01:27] Aoife Roche: The spelling is very misleading. Um, when people look at my name,

[00:01:30] Penny Fitzgerald: It's, 

[00:01:30] Aoife Roche: Irish, correct? Correct. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Irish. 

[00:01:34] Penny Fitzgerald: How, how Irish are you? I'm like, no, I'm really Irish.

[00:01:39] Aoife Roche: They're like, you don't look Irish. And I'm like, yeah, I understand that, but I'm really Irish. 

[00:01:45] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Well, okay, so my last name's Fitzgerald, but I, I'm married into it. Oh, okay. 

[00:01:49] Aoife Roche: So, so you're Irish too, for 

[00:01:50] Penny Fitzgerald: sure. Well, on only by name. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

[00:01:54] Aoife Roche: Well, you've got like the, the red, you know, you have the ancestry. I would say, 

[00:01:59] Penny Fitzgerald: [00:02:00] well, I don't know.

My parents, um, allegedly were all German, so, 

[00:02:05] Aoife Roche: okay. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:02:06] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. But you know, who knows? There's, it's not that far from Ireland. 

[00:02:12] Aoife Roche: That's when people say to me, I'm like, the Spanish airman invaded Ireland. I was like, that's probably, I probably had rogue ancestor somewhere along the line because I don't look like the traditional Irish person.

Well, 

[00:02:26] Penny Fitzgerald: that's awesome. So tell me a little 

[00:02:27] Aoife Roche: bit more about you, Penny. Just before we start. 

[00:02:30] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Um, well, I am, um, in Iowa part-time. I'm here in the summer, uh, in Iowa, and then in the winter, as soon as it gets cold here, I go to Florida. Um, my husband and I have a home in Sarasota as well. 

[00:02:43] Aoife Roche: Oh, nice. I heard that's beautiful with the white, sandy beaches.

[00:02:46] Penny Fitzgerald: It's gorgeous. Yeah. Very, very calming. 

[00:02:51] Aoife Roche: Yeah, I can imagine. Well, that's great so that you can have both places so you can avoid the Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

[00:02:57] Penny Fitzgerald: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. [00:03:00] So 

[00:03:00] Aoife Roche: what, 

[00:03:01] Penny Fitzgerald: what brought you to the United States? 

[00:03:03] Aoife Roche: Um, so I came, I came to speak at an event in 2021, and that went really well. I've always wanted to, I was supposed to move in 2011 and then it didn't happen and I kind of compromised on living in London.

Um, and I spent eight years in London trying to make it fish. But it just, it just didn't, and then I was like, no, this is just my goal, my vision. So I came here just after the pandemic. Um, I spoke at an event here. It went really well. And then I just decided to stay. And then, so then I created the, I took the business from the UK and then created the business here and got an E two investor visa.

So it all worked out. It was a little bit of a challenge, but we, we got there in the end. It all worked out really well. 

[00:03:47] Penny Fitzgerald: Well, that's great. That's great. So you were doing the same type of business in, um, in Europe, in Army, 

[00:03:53] Aoife Roche: yes. Yeah. So I, my background was in corporate. I spent 10 years in corporate. Getting to the top of the ladder [00:04:00] team is 27 men, tier one financial institution on the csuite.

To realize, actually now I've arrived here, it's no different, and I still have to fight for my spot every single day. You know what I mean? I'm always gonna be underrated, undervalued, you know? Mm-hmm. That's just, you know, it's changing. But those corporate organizations, it's just like that, right? So, mm-hmm.

I look at all the women above me. Um, there wasn't many, but they were divorced. They were having affairs, their kids were fighting with them. They were working 12 to 15 hours a day, and I thought, you know what? Absolutely not. Yeah. This is not for me. If this is what success looks like, I think I've taken the wrong path.

[00:04:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh gosh. You're speaking my language. 

[00:04:44] Aoife Roche: So then when, um, when I went home after traveling for what I thought was gonna be a couple of weeks in the pandemic. Mm-hmm. Um, which ended up being like two years. So there was a big push in Ireland at that time where every business owner was given two grants of [00:05:00] $5,000 to build their online business.

So I just took advantage of the opportunity and, and the rest is history then after 

[00:05:07] Penny Fitzgerald: Nice. Mm-hmm. Wow. Okay. So that really. Give you, gave you the launch that you needed to get started. Yeah. Because 

[00:05:14] Aoife Roche: everyone needed to be online and everyone needed to be online fast. 

[00:05:18] Penny Fitzgerald: Right? So what did you do? Um, how, what did you start with?

[00:05:22] Aoife Roche: Everything. The, the mistake that everyone makes, you know, full service, Facebook ads, Google Ads, website bills, Facebook management, Instagram, and the whole thing. Now we've slimed out. Now I still do a lot of those services, but I don't advertise them. I only advertise us as a LinkedIn marketing agency. So that's really, 'cause that's where I see the highest ROI for people, if they make the investment in the platform.

But it's not a sexy platform, right? Mm-hmm. It is just not, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But, but at the same time, so, but if we have clients that are like, we need a website or we need ads, or, you know, we need, then I'll do it. But [00:06:00] as a full, full services, it's really difficult. And in the advancement of ai, like I literally started an ad campaign there that I needed to launch at like 10 45.

And I've launched and up and running now. 'cause we can write all the copy with ai, we could do all like the graphics with ai. So I think it's a dying business. Um, you know, where it's going to be. People are just going to train a people who are as smart in AI to become their media managers. So I think it, it was probably a good move to kind of transition a little bit out of that.

'cause I, I see that dying. 

[00:06:34] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Interesting. Well, the, the more specialized you get, the, well the more action you take, it kind of leads to clarity right. On which path to take for sure. And what you, I think, and the clarity 

[00:06:44] Aoife Roche: comes from what you don't want to do. Mm. 

[00:06:47] Penny Fitzgerald: You know? Mm-hmm. And 

[00:06:47] Aoife Roche: it, so I was on a podcast yesterday and they asked me that.

They said, how, how are you so definite and so confident in what you do? And I said, I know I've just failed more times than you guys have tried. That that's all that it is. [00:07:00] You know what I mean? You like, you just learn that the hard way in many cases. 

[00:07:05] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. But you 

[00:07:05] Aoife Roche: learn and then you go, okay, I'm not gonna do that again, 

 And, and that's kind of how I found that. I've kind of had the accelerated growth. The accelerated growth was going from one failure to another, failure quickly, without any loss of enthusiasm. 

[00:07:18] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh gosh. That's big. That is big. You know, I, I feel too that the, the more resilient you can be, it's the ones who stick with it that are the ones who win.

The only way you lose is by quitting. Right. Exactly. 

[00:07:32] Aoife Roche: Like it's only a failure if you say it's a failure, right? Mm-hmm. Otherwise it can be reframed as it's a learning lesson or, um, you know, what is this trying to teach me? But I think what I, I did a video on this, so I said, too many people identify, just 'cause something was a failure doesn't mean you are a failure.

And then they get tangled up in their identity because just like, I had two partnerships dissolved in the first six months of this year. It was enough to derail anyone, like tens [00:08:00] of thousands of dollars. And I was just like, oh, well, okay, let's just rework it. You know? We, we obviously didn't build it correctly the first time.

Let's try it again. Um, and I think we, it's like, that's a good point that you made. It's about that resilience that we just, we might have a day or two feeling sorry for ourselves and then we gotta dust ourselves off, put our big girl pants on and go back out into the world with no loss of enthusiasm.

[00:08:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. How do you do that? How would you suggest somebody listening to this might. Reframe it so that they can be that resilient and be, yeah, let's do it again. 

[00:08:34] Aoife Roche: Yeah. Do you know what, uh, this is really important. What I do is I don't really vocalize or talk about what I'm doing a lot of the time to people.

I, because I think when you, when you talk about what you're doing. To people, you sometimes dilute the vision of what you're doing, especially if you're talking to people about who haven't done what you're trying to do. Oh, yeah. Right. So then [00:09:00] you open yourself up to this like inter negative feedback and which can create an internal narrative.

And then when things go wrong, I also don't really talk to people about it because I'm like, they people are going to, you know, people are our friends and they wanna justify and they want to rationalize, and they wanna tell us all of the ways that the other person was wrong and how we've been hired done by.

But all that does is it keeps us stuck. So I've kind of learned to be very stoic in my successes and stoic in my failures, and then just kind of go, okay, now what do I need to do? And then when I come out the other end, I'll discuss what happened. But I think too many people just, and then you just get tangled up in this colluding.

And then that dilutes the vision of, um, and it, it just amplifies the emotions that we feel. Especially if someone's buying into your story and you're like, yeah, yeah. I can't believe they did this to me, or I can't believe that happened. [00:10:00] And then we just get stuck in the story. 

[00:10:02] Penny Fitzgerald: Right? 

[00:10:03] Aoife Roche: So it's like, you know, every time that I try catch, and of course we're humans, we're always co like it's in, we always like to talk.

But when I catch myself colluding, I have like a trigger in my mind that goes actually, um, you know, you are moving away from your vision by this behavior right now. You're, you're giving your power away to other people. 

[00:10:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:25] Aoife Roche: You know that you don't have enough in you to be able to be self-assured. To be able to do it yourself.

And that for me has been probably one of the biggest game changers. And then if something goes wrong, I'm not really that worried about it. 'cause the only person who has to deal with it is me. 'cause I haven't made a big deal about it, um, to anyone. And then I think that's what I found has been really helpful.

[00:10:49] Penny Fitzgerald: That's great. Well, I think our friends mean well, right? Yeah. I mean, they're just trying to protect us, trying to keep us safe. And our own nervous system is trying to do the same [00:11:00] thing, trying to keep us safe, but that's what keeps us small. 

[00:11:03] Aoife Roche: Because you know the, so I wrote a book back in 2018 called How to Think Yourself Attractive.

Um, and the whole premise of the book is attractiveness is mental, not physical. And it talks about that exact point, right? Our ego is concerned with safety, security, and survival, right? That's it's core concern, but it's your best ally, but it's your worst advisory. And, you know, brilliant. Like when we're trying to do something that's outside of our comfort zone or when we're trying to do something that we don't really know how to do it, like situations and all sorts of things will start to happen that are almost to try to derail you.

But when you can identify to go, actually, well why, why is that happening? Like, why did this person not pay me? Why did this person say that, you know, and become more the observer rather than the participant. Then it becomes, um, a lot easier. 'cause our egos are never, [00:12:00] our egos can only reference the past.

Mm-hmm. So you could only look at the past to go what happened before? And then that it gives us that worldview of this is, you know, this is a fixed outcome because this happened before, it's gonna happen again. Mm-hmm. But that's not the case. Right. And you've gotta be very anchored and very clear on this is what I want to do.

And even if, and you know, even if it does fail, so if people say to me, well, what if it fails? And I say, even if, even if it'll be fine. Mm-hmm. We've survived everything up until now. I'm sure you, we've a hundred percent success rate for survival up, up until 

[00:12:38] Penny Fitzgerald: now. Yeah. 

[00:12:39] Aoife Roche: Up until now. So we've got a good success rate.

So I try to like be very, very, um, anchored in that and like, but it all boils down to what we talked about, about resilient resilience. Mm-hmm. And understanding that identifying failure, just 'cause you identify a failure in your life, doesn't mean you identify as a failure. 

[00:12:58] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. [00:13:00] Absolutely. Well, and the better question instead of what if you fail is, well, what if I succeed?

What if it becomes more than I even can envision? Because, and lot of us, 

[00:13:08] Aoife Roche: a lot of, well, you know, and even I would argue, I think I've gotten a little bit better at it by now, but a lot of us have success, guilt. We're actually afraid to succeed. 

[00:13:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, tell me about that. 

[00:13:20] Aoife Roche: Yeah. So, but, but it, so when we, when we're with people and whatever, whatever layer and level that we're on, we broke, we, we broker social agreements with people consciously or unconsciously.

I'm going to be this way and you're going to be that way. And this is why we're going to get along and this is our dynamic, right? But then as you start to evolve and as you start to change, you start to shift the dynamic of that agreement. So let's say if we look at someone who's trying to lose weight.

So in a partnership, they're in a partnership and they're going, I'm going to go, go and lose weight. Even though the other person might be like, wow, I really support you in doing that, unconsciously, they [00:14:00] probably don't because you are going to reflect back to them what they're not doing. So it's much easier to, to keep you the same rather than other people have to look at, um, their shortcomings or the way that they're not showing up.

But what that means is as we get more successful and we move, we often start to lose the people around us that we're always our supporting structures, but it's realizing that that's actually just a social agreement that's no longer serving me anymore, and I need to either adjust that social agreement for a new way of working, or I may just have to start loving you from over there.

You know, because it doesn't mean that I don't want you in my life, but if you are not on the train where I'm going, you are holding me back. 

[00:14:53] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. And I, 

[00:14:54] Aoife Roche: I think that is probably one of the most difficult, and I'm in a situation like that at [00:15:00] the moment, something, and it's, it's very daunting and scary.

And I don't want to move out of this dynamic and I don't want, but I know that staying in this dynamic is keeping me, holding me back 

[00:15:14] Penny Fitzgerald: where you are instead of moving forward. 

[00:15:17] Aoife Roche: Exactly. And then it's scary and like none of us want to be like, feel like that we're alone, or none of us wanna go into like, networking groups and not know anyone and have to Yeah.

It's very, it's scary. Right. You know what I mean? And have to go up and introduce yourself to people and talk to 'em about what you do and try to build new relationships and new friendships and, but when you realize your level of discomfort. Is equivalent to your level of growth. 

[00:15:45] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. So 

[00:15:46] Aoife Roche: the more, absolutely.

So the more uncomfortable you are, I'm like, give yourself an applause, because that is directly correlated to your level of growth. Yeah. So if you are anxious and worried and stressed and you don't know how you're gonna do it, and you [00:16:00] just panicking, congratulations, you're on a good path. 

[00:16:04] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. You know, 

[00:16:05] Aoife Roche: if you're sitting back going, oh yeah, things are fine.

You know, just, you know, so I think there's a lot and I think. Especially in business and as women especially, I think we do need to, because we're, we're very much more emotional beings. And to be able to sit with ourselves and identify the emotions and be like, just because I'm feeling a certain type of way, that's not a definition of who I am or how I show up.

Like we put, we get up Exactly. Put our makeup on, we put our heels on, we put our big girl pants on, and we go out into the world and we show up. Um, even when we don't feel like showing up. 

[00:16:43] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:43] Aoife Roche: You know, people say, fake it till you make it. I'm like, no, just go and act like you belong. 

[00:16:48] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. Well, and most, maybe not most, but a lot of women, I feel the people that talk with me are. [00:17:00] They for so many years, just put one foot in front of the other and they're busy caring for others. They're bringing up their family. They're, you know, doing what they need to do to help, help the family move forward or survive even sometimes that they lose themselves.

They don't remember how strong they are and how resilient they are, and maybe they don't even remember their dreams and what they wanted. 

[00:17:23] Aoife Roche: It's so, especially when, because, uh, you know, now I am, I'm don't have kids, right? So I can't speak to, to what it's like to have children. But I can see from all of the interactions with all of my friends that have kids, the, the first part of it is, is as a woman, they get into a dynamic with a man or a relationship with the men.

We all do that and then we sort of lose ourselves in that, right? Mm-hmm. Because we're sort of like taking care of them. Like it's scientifically, I was reading some research the last day that, um, men benefit. Much more from the relationship than the women too. I've heard that [00:18:00] too, because we're pouring into them.

Like as a woman, everything that you give us, we're going to amplify. You give a sperm, we create a baby, you give us, you know, a house, we create a home. You know, we like, we amplify things. So I think that's the first kind of line that we lose ourselves in the relationship dynamic, right? Mm-hmm. Then the kids come along.

Mm-hmm. Then you start to lose yourself to the kids, right? Because then the kids become the priority, and then the husband or the partner is the priority, and then the woman herself, unless she's very self-aware and able to put very strong boundaries in place about her own personal time, tends to lose her identity in that.

And then the way that I see a lot of women lose their identity, they'll stop taking care of themselves. You know, they're just too busy. They're not going to the gym, they're not working out, they're not dressing up, they're not feel, they're just, like you say, one foot in front of the other every day, just, just grinding.

And then you arrive at a destination where either the relationship itself, you know, collapses or it just [00:19:00] becomes stale because people are together for a very long time. The kids get, start getting their own lives and they start going out and doing, and then the, the, the woman is left with herself to look in the mirror and go, who the hell are you?

Exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah, 

[00:19:19] Penny Fitzgerald: exactly. Like I, 

[00:19:19] Aoife Roche: it's like the, you, you, they're only seeing each other for the, the first time and, and then it takes a lot of courage and it takes a lot of strength to, and it's, and it's tough to be able to go, no, I'm gonna claw back my version of myself. Mm-hmm. And I'm going to start, and the first way I talk to people, I'm like, just.

Go to the gym. I'm like, get in the gym and start. It's, it's really simple. Just craft out that time. And I don't care whether you think you have time or you don't have time. This is your time to go in and start to invest in yourself. And then like the surprising thing that most people [00:20:00] don't realize when you go to the gym, it's really hard.

It's really hard. It's really hard. And then four weeks, nobody notices. Eight weeks, people are going, you're doing something different. Like what is then 12 weeks, people are like, oh, what are you doing? How are you doing it? And with that, that builds your self-esteem, it builds your confidence, it makes you feel better, you look better.

And then you're kind of more armored up. To be able to go out into the world and go, okay, maybe I wanna start that business. Maybe I wanna get out of the house. Maybe I wanna do something different. But it's very difficult to embark on something new when you're not feeling good inside. Right. 

[00:20:41] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. You're not gonna 

[00:20:43] Aoife Roche: be feeling confident in yourself.

Mm-hmm. Right. You're not gonna be feeling capable. You're gonna feel, you know, a whole bunch of things. So I'm just like, just start with the gym. Get on top of the nutrition. And it sounds simple in theory, but it's really, you know, it's really not. And very few [00:21:00] people really have mastered the, you know, being able to, um, they said to me, you know, what's the most important muscle in your body?

And I said, the one that controls your hand to your mouth, let's see, that's, if you crack that one, that's the one that's gonna make all of the difference. Mm-hmm. And I think that having women invest, just creating that time for themselves, just so, so important. 

[00:21:23] Penny Fitzgerald: Well in any movement, just getting your body to move.

Yeah. It, it helps create that, um, resilience against, you know, the stressors. It kind of releases some of that. Mm-hmm. Plus getting out. If you're taking a walk out in nature, you're also getting the benefit of being, you know, one with nature and feeling better and having the sunshine on your face and feeling the ground under your feet.

It's like grounding experience, just being outside. 

[00:21:52] Aoife Roche: Absolutely. And then like even when weightlifting in the gym, building that muscle, right? Mm-hmm. Like it is literally building [00:22:00] yourself back up. And as women, we're always defying gravity, right? We're always, everything. Everything's going south, right? So we need to have a counter attack, you know, to, to make sure that, but there, like studies have shown, like people who have strong thighs are living longer.

It's better for your cognition. Like I was talking, I was out for dinner a couple of weeks ago with one, um, he's a doctor, very heavily involved in stem cells, um, embryonic stem cells, and mm-hmm. Um, all of that. And he was talking about the fact that it was just so, so important to be doing weight bearing exercises.

Mm-hmm. You know? 'cause there's a saying, if you, if you don't move it, you lose it. Right. But you literally, like, I see that with my mom now at home. Like, my mom's in her seventies and she hasn't ever really kind of worked out or had like, she used to, but not no weightbearing. And now I see so many different things deteriorating.

[00:22:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Like 

[00:22:54] Aoife Roche: it's very scary mm-hmm. To think, you know, and so I'm just like, you know, [00:23:00] I don't allow it to get to the point where you get, where you're not able to lift the weight. 

[00:23:05] Penny Fitzgerald: Exactly. Exactly. And you can see that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You see that in older friends and your parents and grandparents and, um, yeah.

Bone health even is important. Yeah. You know, for, you know, the weightbearing balance, all of that. Like, the ability to be able to, to feel strong enough and. In balance with your body to not fall to have some of the falls as we age. 

[00:23:31] Aoife Roche: Yeah. Yeah. And that, 'cause most people, like, they, they don't fall. They say when?

When people fall and they say, oh, she fell and broke her hip. It's actually No, your hip broke. You fell. 

[00:23:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah, exactly. Like, 

[00:23:41] Aoife Roche: and then as you know, we go into pre menopause or menopause or estrogen levels drop. 

[00:23:47] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:23:47] Aoife Roche: And you know that, so the bones slowly start to like disintegrate. Well we have a bigger win, so we're up against it.

Right? Yeah. 

[00:23:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:23:54] Aoife Roche: So it's like you've gotta try to make that investment. But the gym is just so much [00:24:00] more than like looking good. It's like discipline, it's dedication, it's commitment, it's hard work. It's consistency. Mm-hmm. And if you can, um, harvest those values in that one activity, those will trickle into all the other areas of life.

[00:24:16] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Um, 

[00:24:17] Aoife Roche: but you know, it just takes. A mindset. People say to me, how are you always so motivated? I'm like, I'm not motivated. I, I, I don't wanna go at all, but I'm disciplined. That's the, it's discipline. Mm-hmm. You know, it's a commitment that I've made to myself, and I think when I heard this and I thought it's really true, when we make a commitment to ourselves, right?

Let's say we say, okay, I'm gonna get up next week. I'm gonna go gym on Monday, Tuesday, Monday comes, you don't go gym, Tuesday comes, you don't go gym. Wednesday comes, you don't go to the gym. What that actually does is it reaffirms to your subconscious mind. You can't trust what you tell yourself. 

[00:24:56] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm.

Exactly. 

[00:24:58] Aoife Roche: And I think that's [00:25:00] really important. Yeah. Because if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? 

[00:25:05] Penny Fitzgerald: Well, and whatever goals that you set, then it becomes, well, I'm not gonna do that either. 

[00:25:09] Aoife Roche: Yeah. How you do one thing is how you do everything. 

[00:25:12] Penny Fitzgerald: Exactly. 

[00:25:13] Aoife Roche: Mm-hmm. 

[00:25:15] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. It's very important. Have you always been so disciplined?

Um, especially about the gym. 

[00:25:22] Aoife Roche: Yeah. Well, so I've been, I've always been competitive. Um Okay. And that, yeah, I've always been a competitive person, but, so I spent 10 years in corporate, like I said, got all the way to the top. Yeah. And realized that's not where I wanted to be. Um, and I left corporate and I took two years where I was like, I'm just gonna travel around the world.

I'm gonna find myself or whatever you wanna, you know, you wanna save people do. But then, um, um, like I was always used to get attention because of my physique. 'cause I was always quite athletic. And then people were like, you should do fitness modeling. You should try it. And I was like, really? And then I was like, okay.

You know, I was always told not to be a show off as a child. [00:26:00] Don't be too big for your boots. Don't show off. People won't like you. You know, all of this. So I was kind of going through a lot of self-development at that time and I thought, you know, well what could I do to kind of unravel that conditioning?

And I was like, well, I could become a fitness model. That would be, that's the ultimate show off, to be honest. So I actually, I did that, um, and I had a lot of success in it. I won, I won the World Championships in Ireland, the uk, and I came second in America. Fantastic. But that sort of really anchored me into the discipline.

But for me, it was never about the winning. It was never even about the physique. It was more about setting a goal that I didn't know could I accomplish. Knowing that having a fixed date, that it, it had to be accomplished by, like, I, I knew I was accountable 'cause I used to use social media and document my fitness journey.

Mm-hmm. So then I knew I was on the hook. Um mm-hmm. You're accountable now. Mm-hmm. Back out. [00:27:00] Um, but you know, in saying that, like we talk about, you know. Not a lot of people in like, so I went from the boardroom to the bikini, like it was very unconventional. I think LinkedIn thought I had lost my mind. They were like, you must be having some sort of midlife crisis.

But, um, having the, the discipline to, to do that and to show up even when, no, my mom didn't want me to do it. My family didn't want me to do it. Like, people were like, aren't you embarrassed? Like, oh, you know, do you know what I mean? You can't do that. What would people think? You know, all of this kind of stuff.

So it goes back to these idea of these social agreements. I had social agreements with people that I was gonna be a corporate executive, and that's who I was and that's what I did, Uhhuh. And then when I decided actually, no, I'm gonna become a fitness model, they were like, well, no, no, no. That's not what we agreed.

You know, Uhhuh, that's not the dynamic. And I think that's the same as back to what we spoke about earlier. [00:28:00] It, no matter what change you start to make, you are going to face resistance. 

[00:28:04] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. From, 

[00:28:05] Aoife Roche: from people around you. But it's just overcoming that resistance and being like, you know what this is, I get one shot at this.

This is not a dress rehearsal. Mm-hmm. I, I can't come back and do this again, so I'm gonna give it everything that I got. 

[00:28:18] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Wonderful. Well, and I hearing you speak, first of all, the first thought that came to me was, would, do we say that to little boys? Don't be too big. Don't be big for your britches.

Don't be a show off. Not usually. 

[00:28:31] Aoife Roche: Yeah. No, no, 

[00:28:32] Penny Fitzgerald: not, not in the same way anyway. 

[00:28:34] Aoife Roche: No. Um, you know, or like, and there was, because I grew up in a very Catholic household in Ireland, so like we had the whole religious thing thrown on top of Oh 

[00:28:42] Penny Fitzgerald: yeah, 

[00:28:43] Aoife Roche: we were going to hell if we deserve 

[00:28:46] Penny Fitzgerald: no guilt going on. You know, 

[00:28:47] Aoife Roche: that's a, that's no, no offense to God, like I believe in God or whatever, but I do believe that like.

There, there was, there was ways and means that the education was used to almost [00:29:00] control and manipulate us into certain lines of mm-hmm. 

[00:29:02] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, for sure. 

[00:29:03] Aoife Roche: As, you know, as, as like, and even, even down to like how they used to make us dress. Like we had to have that were down to our ankles and you couldn't show, like, you know, even if your ankles were like on display, like this was problematic.

What the, so I think that. We are sort of conditioned to not really be seen, not be too big for your boots. Don't be too confident. Oh, if you're too strong a man won't want you. 

[00:29:33] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. You know, 

[00:29:34] Aoife Roche: all of these kind of, you know, and like, and even today I still battle that with people say, you know, about being an alpha female and it gets even more challenging.

'cause the more success you create, the smaller the dating pool becomes 

[00:29:46] Penny Fitzgerald: because it's 

[00:29:47] Aoife Roche: like, you know, okay, I got my own house, I got my own car, I run my own businesses. I, you know, I mean like, like I don't need, you're not gonna lead with your wallet when you're dealing with me. I don't need you [00:30:00] to. And then I think we, there can be societally, women can be sort of oppressed to be made feel that that's incorrect and you should be at home and the homemaker and you should be, you know, like being super, but you can still be strong and be in your feminine.

Of course. But I think that, that, that's definitely, we don't wanna get too independent, right? Because we don't wanna be, the only thing a woman cannot create is a male energy in a household. We, we cannot create that. That's probably the only thing that you can offer me, that I cannot create for myself. I cannot have a masculine energy in the household to make me feel safe.

You know? I cannot create that for myself. But aside from, to 

[00:30:42] Penny Fitzgerald: make you feel safe from what though? 

[00:30:44] Aoife Roche: But you know, as in as to have a family, like, you know, when you walk in, it's always nice to have like a masculine energy around. Like, I, you know, it's kind of like a to, because I've always felt that, always, and I'm always attracted to like, very [00:31:00] strong, big, like build.

Mm-hmm. It's like a, and maybe it's a childhood wound or something about, you know, I, it could be, but to want to have that energy where you feel that you have someone in your corner who's a masculine, that's like, I got you. 

[00:31:14] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh yeah, I got, well, to me that feels like a partnership and it, and we're all different, 

 But I don't know, for me, I'm looking at the support that I need. And I'm so fortunate to have the hubby that I do, 'cause he is masculine, but, he also gets me, you know, he knows that I'm strong and he likes that.

And I don't think we would work if I wasn't, you know, I don't think it would work between us. 

[00:31:37] Aoife Roche: And, and that's an amazing dynamic to create, right? Because like, I've been in dynamics, um, not of recent, thankfully, but previously where my success was admired. Until my success was more than their success. 

[00:31:51] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh gosh.

[00:31:52] Aoife Roche: And then it was problematic. And that, that's a very destructive, and I think there's a lot of women in that situation right now where 

[00:31:59] Penny Fitzgerald: they have 

[00:31:59] Aoife Roche: gone [00:32:00] out and made a change and going and do something. And then you had someone who loved you unconditionally while you were this version of you. Mm-hmm. And now you become this new version of you.

And you might find that the love is not so conditional anymore. It even, it even may even be a little bit destructive. And that was one of the things that I found the most damaging at that time was like, I was like, how could someone who loves me or tells me that they love me this much be so. Like hurtful and, you know, jealous, 

[00:32:30] Penny Fitzgerald: a little 

[00:32:31] Aoife Roche: jealous and mm-hmm.

Dismissive. Mm. And you know, like making out, like things weren't like a big deal, like mm-hmm. Or if I did, like, you know, not recognizing accolades, not, you know, just kind of whatever. Yeah. You know? Mm-hmm. And I think that is a very, you, you hit the nail on the head is when you end up in a dynamic where you have a male energy trying to compete with the female energy.

Mm-hmm. That's a problem. Mm-hmm. That's a problem right there. And [00:33:00] it's a big problem because the, the men and women are not supposed to compete with each other. It's really not like we're not programmed and conditioned to do that. And if you have a relationship or a dynamic in your life where a man is trying to compete with you, it's like my, you know, I, I won't swear, but she calls it A-B-I-T-C-H energy.

You got B-I-T-C-H energy. We don't deal with that. You know, but I think you gotta be careful with that, right? Especially as women as you build success, that you've gotta be very careful who your choice of partner is. 

[00:33:31] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I, well, and that whole, that energy you're speaking of, I, a man wouldn't be described like that and that, that, okay.

I am, it pisses me off, you know? Yeah. That it, that there's this dichotomy, there's this double standard and it's just, you know, if everyone, if you, if the two of you in a relationship are both. Comfortable in your own skin are both strong in your own skin and are on the, on your own path to being a better person, a better human, [00:34:00] then you're, I'm not in competition with you.

We're, we're partners. We're complimenting each other. We're supporting each other, lifting each other up and helping each other grow to be the better person. 

[00:34:10] Aoife Roche: Yeah. And that, that's exactly the dynamic that you want, right? Mm-hmm. You want someone to be in your corner being your champion. Yes. They're your person.

You, they, they're your person. Um, and if they're not doing that, you gotta pay very close attention to that. 

[00:34:26] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Because 

[00:34:27] Aoife Roche: it is very, very, very damaging. Mm-hmm. And it can be underhandedly damaging because Right. You don't, you don't expect it. Right. And you, you get a feedback and you're like, wow. Like, 

[00:34:41] Penny Fitzgerald: wait, what just happened?

Yeah. 

[00:34:43] Aoife Roche: You know, you, you're like trying to process that information. Be like, why, why would you say that? Like you, that's not supportive. That's good. You know, I think we, like we talked about how do you, how do you learn these things? We, we learn by doing, right? Yeah. And yeah, we learn about what not to [00:35:00] do.

[00:35:00] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Well, and it can sneak up on you too. It can be just little things and then all of a sudden those grow as you grow. 

[00:35:08] Aoife Roche: Yeah. 

[00:35:08] Penny Fitzgerald: If they don't as well. 

[00:35:09] Aoife Roche: I had a mentor years ago, and I really do try to apply this in all of my life, but you know, sometimes I fail and I make allowances and then I learn my lesson again.

The rock, the little pebble gets a little bit bigger. Yeah, exactly. Where he said behavior is inherent. And he said, the person that you meet today, the behaviors that they're showing you today is who they are. Hmm. And it's inherent. And unless there's some spontaneous event that is a catalyst for change, you either accept the behavior as it is today, knowing it may not improve.

[00:35:52] Penny Fitzgerald: Hmm. Or 

[00:35:53] Aoife Roche: you walk away from the situation. And I think where a lot of us face a challenge, we see [00:36:00] very early on behaviors we don't like or that, and like the red flags. Mm-hmm. Trust your gut. They were like, oh, let me just go over and see how red that flag is. 

[00:36:14] Penny Fitzgerald: That's kind of beige. I dunno. Yeah. 

[00:36:18] Aoife Roche: Let's rationalize and justify.

And I think you've gotta be really careful. You've gotta be really careful with the behaviors you see in the beginning. Like the man that you meet today is the man. That you're going that, that it's going to be showing up in your life and then six months down the line, if you're trying to orchestrate or change him or manipulate him or move him, or try to shift him in a different direction, it's not gonna work.

No. He showed you who he was from day one, but you just didn't wanna believe him. 

[00:36:45] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:36:48] Aoife Roche: And I, I think that's, that's the, the most women are like, we're all struggling with that at some level. 

[00:36:55] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Right. You take owner taking ownership of that, understanding that. [00:37:00] Sometimes you want something so badly that you overlook some of these things, and not just with relationships, but with, even with business and with, 

[00:37:10] Aoife Roche: we fall in love with the potential.

[00:37:12] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes, yes. We want it so badly. We have, we have 

[00:37:14] Aoife Roche: the rose tinted glasses on and we walk around the world with our rose tinted glasses and we ignore what the reality of the situation. Mm-hmm. Um, and I think that's where there's that like level of self, you, and it's about boundaries. Mm-hmm. Setting about what, what am I going and not going to tolerate and not boundaries for the sake of telling someone, oh, if you do this, I'm going, it is like, no, if you do this, like you're out, there's no second chances.

There's no, um, sometimes people say, oh, you're very black and white. It's not always that black and white, but I've sort of learned that anytime I find myself in a gray area, I normally end up like getting burnt. 

[00:37:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:37:56] Aoife Roche: Because the red flag. Yeah, the red. And it's the same in business. Like I have a [00:38:00] new rule in business now.

If I have a problem in the first 30 days with a client, I end the contract. Mm. No questions asked. It. It is even a close in my contracts. I'm like, if we have a problem in the first 30 days, I'm not, because I have learned the problems that I ignored in the beginning are normally the problems that come back to bite me in the Yeah.

Six months later. 

[00:38:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Right, right. And the exceptions that you make for certain people or for certain businesses or Yeah. Certain situations. 

[00:38:26] Aoife Roche: Yeah. And then you never, um, 'cause when I first started the agency, obviously you don't really know what you're doing when you're starting and then you're kind of doing discounts and you're giving people extra stuff and mm-hmm.

You're drinking for free and you're doing all of this, but the, like, when people pay, they pay attention. 

[00:38:45] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Right. 

[00:38:46] Aoife Roche: And when you start making allowances or discount, or allowing invoices to be late. Or having people call you on the weekend or calling you at nighttime, or, you know, with these urgent tasks and all of that.

Like, even [00:39:00] though you can think in the beginning, oh wow, I'm really servicing this client and it's student, I'm doing really well, you're really not because you are dictating to them what the rules of the game are. So if you start answering calls at weekend, then they think they can call you at weekends.

If you start taking things late at night, then they think that they can send it late at night. If they, if you, if you are supposed to have an invoice paid on the first of the month and it's the 10th of the month and your invoice is not paid, then they think that that's acceptable. Mm-hmm. So we really gotta be strict with our boundaries about, um, and sometimes I feel guilty about it.

I'm like, my team works nine to five. They don't work on the weekends now. I'm always working. 

[00:39:37] Penny Fitzgerald: That's amazing. 

[00:39:38] Aoife Roche: Yeah, it's, I'm always working my phone. I always have my phone, but we do have that because otherwise it just gets out of control really quickly. 

[00:39:47] Penny Fitzgerald: Don't you feel like that was a thing with corporate too?

I felt like. And I, I've been outta corporate for a number of years, a long time, but back in the day, it felt very much like, no, you're just expected [00:40:00] to do these things. And when you're, when you get something, an email over the weekend asking for something, you just do it. Or if a client asks you for something you do, it doesn't matter what time of day or what it is.

[00:40:11] Aoife Roche: Yeah. And, and that gets, that's like conditioning. I think we had the hustle culture and it, that was really the Yeah. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. Right. I'm like, I've been working 80 to a hundred hour weeks for the last five years, so, you know, it would be the pot calling the kettle black for me to tell us from that, that, that that's not the thing to do.

However, there is the, and, and I do believe work-life balance is elusive, but you have to be in control of your time. Like that, you know, that's really, really important because if you are not respectful of your time mm-hmm. That can come down to showing up on meetings on times, like allowing people, you know, if you have a 20 minute discovery call, it's 20 minutes.

Mm-hmm. It is not an hour. 

[00:40:56] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. You know, 

[00:40:57] Aoife Roche: and if you have someone who said that they're going to pay you on [00:41:00] this date, then it's like not starting the work until that invoice is paid. The, these kind of things. Because if you don't take control of those aspects, like your time and your money, it's two things I would say to people, don't play with my time and don't play with my money.

Mm-hmm. And we'll get on, we'll get on perfectly fine. Just don't, don't waste either one of those things. Yeah. Um, because if you don't have those boundaries in place, then it's very difficult for people to, um, to actually, um, you know, they, they're just gonna, they're gonna judge you by how you measure, uh, how you treat yourself.

[00:41:31] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh yeah. They're looking for the evidence and if you, you know, work for them on a weekend and they have the evidence that that's what you do. 

[00:41:39] Aoife Roche: Wow. And then what you'll find that often the, the requests start to get bigger. Yeah. Smaller, right? 

[00:41:47] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. 

[00:41:48] Aoife Roche: It is like you get, oh, can you just do this one thing? And then this one thing turns into two things, and then it's two things turns into three things.

And before you know what, you are overwhelmed. Your team is overwhelmed because they're like, you know, [00:42:00] a lot of when we're working, they're employees, right? They're, they're not entrepreneurs. They're like, I'm not working seven days a week, 24 7 trying to cater for a response. This is, these are my boundaries.

[00:42:11] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:12] Aoife Roche: Um, and I think, but if we don't have that boundary at the top, then it's never gonna trickle into the bottom. 

[00:42:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. Right. Well, and it's one thing as a CEO or as as your director of your business to be. Working more and to doing, to doing the extra stuff. But to ask someone else to do that, any of us, to ask someone else to expect that someone else would work on the weekend or in the evenings or on family time, that's, 

[00:42:39] Aoife Roche: yeah.

[00:42:39] Penny Fitzgerald: A whole nother ball game. 

[00:42:41] Aoife Roche: Yeah. And it's finding that balance, right. It really is a balance. Yeah. Because, you know, if you like continue just to, and I'm still trying to find it, it's always a work in progress. Mm-hmm. Because every time I seem to finish one thing, I seem to start another thing. I go back, I go back to square one all over again.

[00:42:58] Penny Fitzgerald: Got it. Yeah. 

[00:42:59] Aoife Roche: [00:43:00] But yeah, it's like, this is working now let's, what else can we create? You know? Mm-hmm. It's not always the best thing, but it, it is that because like you're never going to end up in a situation at the end of your life where you go, I really wish I'd worked more. 

[00:43:14] Penny Fitzgerald: Right, right. That's not what people say when you ask them at the end of their life, what do you wish you.

Is there anything you would've done differently? 

[00:43:21] Aoife Roche: Yeah. It's like, I dunno what that book is called for that woman. I can't remember where she went around at the hospice and she, um, I'd have to, I'll have to think about, but mm-hmm. Then she went around and she interviewed all these people and it was like, spend time more with, spend time with my family, work less and followed through my dreams.

[00:43:40] Penny Fitzgerald: That was the 

[00:43:41] Aoife Roche: thing. That was really the main things about how a lot of people arrived to a destination. Some people more, um, sudden than others, you know, they got sick quickly or, and they've been putting off, doing things. 

[00:43:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. For themselves or for their, for their dream there, you know? And don't you feel like those dreams that, [00:44:00] that we have, they're our purpose, you know, when we walk towards those, we're moving towards our purpose and to serving others.

It's all, it's tied together. 

[00:44:12] Aoife Roche: Like, every one of us has a whisper. Mm-hmm. When we die down at night, there's always a whisper of something you could be doing or something that you just, just cannot get really it out of your mind. 

[00:44:26] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:44:27] Aoife Roche: Like, you're just like, oh, you know, I, I really should do that. And it's like, you don't want, you don't wanna sleep on those whispers.

Right. Even, maybe it's the book you wanna write, maybe it's the course you wanna create. Maybe it's the event you wanna organize for women to speak at, like, you know, maybe something you wanna do with your family. Whatever it is, don't ignore the whispers. 

[00:44:49] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Yep. Those are the regrets. 

[00:44:52] Aoife Roche: Yeah. 

[00:44:53] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

[00:44:54] Aoife Roche: And I think that that's what we wanna avoid is, is you, we're all gonna, um, do things wrong and nothing's [00:45:00] gonna be perfect, but you just wanna show up as a good human and go, I, I gave it my best Shots. 

[00:45:06] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. I did my best. 

[00:45:08] Aoife Roche: I did my best, you know? Yeah. In, in the seed of every adversity is this equivalent opportunity.

No matter what happened, I still continued to show up for myself. 

[00:45:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:45:18] Aoife Roche: Mm-hmm. 

[00:45:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Afa, there was one other thing that you said early on that made me think, okay, so you, um, you did these things that you didn't, your family maybe didn't support or they didn't understand and you, you did them anyway. Was there a little piece of you that was like.

Watch me. 

[00:45:38] Aoife Roche: Oh, for sure. Yeah. Um, yeah, like, well one, the, when I did the, I had, when I did the UK championships, I just actually separated out of a relationship. Mm-hmm. And he, he was actually my trainer at the time, um, before, so, and I, I carried on and no shade to him, you know, whatever. 

[00:45:59] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. [00:46:00] 

[00:46:00] Aoife Roche: But, um. But it was very, uh, it was very, the, the, the end of the relationship was very damaging for me.

And I was in a huge amount of pain. Um, and I didn't really know how to manage that pain, you know? So then I just mm-hmm. Started to use the gym as the vehicle mm-hmm. To express and to be able to do that. But like, there was no better 'cause he was like, you know, he told me you're not gonna make it. You, you know, you don't have what it takes to do this and, 

[00:46:27] Penny Fitzgerald: you know, these 

[00:46:28] Aoife Roche: kind of things 

[00:46:29] Penny Fitzgerald: fuel.

[00:46:30] Aoife Roche: Yeah, for sure. Right. And, and that's the process of alchemy, right? How do we spin the lead into gold? So I use that fuel and all that pain and all that hurt and all of that to propel me forward. And then like, you know, when I won it is like, you know, 'cause I won the overall in that show. And, you know, my friends were like, they were like, you might as well have got on that stage and put your middle finger up to the door.

But, you know, by the [00:47:00] time I, the irony was by the time I arrived at the destination, I wasn't in that much pain anymore. I had, I had moved through it, so then I was able to enjoy the results. So I think sometimes you just gotta throw yourself into something and just like, grit your teeth and go mm-hmm.

Like, and ignore the naysayers and ignore. Um, and you know, like my family, like, they came around eventually, but like, and I can understand their position in the beginning as well. Like, you know, my dad never came to any of my shoes. Well, I can understand. Like he doesn't want his daughter parading around an arena with hundreds of people in a bikini staring at her.

Like, you know, I can understand that. My mom was like, what? What are you doing? She was like, have you lost your mind? But they, but they came round and then they were supportive and, um, eventually, but I had to be willing to take the journey in the absence of support in the beginning. 

[00:47:57] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. Mm-hmm. Wow. That's [00:48:00] strong.

[00:48:00] Aoife Roche: Yeah. And I think that that's really where we come about the resilience and the self-reliance. 

[00:48:05] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. Can see that 

[00:48:08] Aoife Roche: your ability to be able to sit with yourself, sit with your emotions. Mm-hmm. 

[00:48:12] Penny Fitzgerald: Not 

[00:48:13] Aoife Roche: be reactive, not have to call everyone colluding gossip and just be able to sit with something and be going, yeah, this sucks.

Yeah, it absolutely sucks, but it'll suck a little less small and a less the day after that. Mm-hmm. And what can I do to take this energy that it's creating my body, this anxiety, this pain, this nervousness. Mm-hmm. What can I do to be able to use that fuel, like you said. Mm-hmm. Be able to create something amazing.

[00:48:42] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. One day at a time. What can I do today that's gonna move it, move the needle. 

[00:48:47] Aoife Roche: And that's all you got. Mm-hmm. Like, it's one day at it. Like whenever I give myself, like when something goes like fundamentally wrong, I'll give myself 30 like days. And I'm like, there is no big, bold [00:49:00] decision or nothing being made.

Until I get to the, 'cause I know I'm not thinking clearly. I'm emotional and I'm like, just get through today. And then today, and then at the end of like the, I'll have like a stop gap. 14 days I'll do a little bit of self and now how do I feel about the situation now? Mm-hmm. And then I'll do another one at the end of 30 days.

And you would be so surprised how, if you put in like positive habits back into your life, how you can pretty much overcome any adversity. And by the time you get to day 30, what was the, and journaling is always super helpful. Yes. You can look back and mm-hmm. Be like, this is what I was feeling. But the time you get to the day 30, you're looking back at the situation and you're like, either it doesn't seem that bad anymore.

Mm-hmm. Or you've kind of moved past it, or there's been other events that have happened that make you see why it happened. 

[00:49:49] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:49:49] Aoife Roche: But like, it's, you've just gotta sit with that. And there, there's no cure. Like, no one can make you feel better. There's no hugs and kisses that are going to fix it. You've just gotta, you've just gotta sit in [00:50:00] it.

[00:50:00] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. And it's such great advice too, to, to do those benchmarks at the halfway point and at the end because you know, when you're in it, you don't see it, you don't see it from the big picture, you're right in the forest so you don't see the trees. 

[00:50:14] Aoife Roche: Yeah. And you know, you're emotional and you're upset and you can, it can be business, it can be relationship, it can be life, it can be 

[00:50:20] Penny Fitzgerald: family.

[00:50:21] Aoife Roche: Mm-hmm. You know, you're hurt, you're all of these kind of things. 

[00:50:24] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:50:25] Aoife Roche: Um, but I like, no, maybe it's not, you know, the best, but I'll tend to throw myself into a creative project or into the gym, or I'll give myself some goal that'll distract me and people say, oh, you're just distracting yourself. I'm like, absolutely.

[00:50:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Got a problem with that. 

[00:50:42] Aoife Roche: Yeah. I'm not gonna sit and wallow on this. Yes. Is what's happened is really bad. And it's terrible and I, I don't feel good about it. And it's, it is what it is. However, me sitting down feeling sorry for myself is not gonna help anything. 

[00:50:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. 

[00:50:54] Aoife Roche: So, you know, trying to, and you know, it can be a bit of tough love on yourself, but try to find something that [00:51:00] has a very clear start date and end date.

Mm-hmm. And then just move, like you said, exactly. Move towards the milestones. Yeah. And your focus is on getting to that milestone one day at a time. 

[00:51:11] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. I love it. Well, and then to be able to document it as you go too, so that you're really clear on what, you know, what did I start with and now what have I moved through, what's my outcome?

And, and to be able to see it on paper, like it as you're journaling, that's super important. 

[00:51:29] Aoife Roche: Well, because you, you can go back and, because sometimes when things happen to us. We don't even realize how emotionally affected we are by situations Exactly. Until you document and journal it. But when you go back after retrospectively when you get a little bit stronger and then you go back and you re you evaluate what happened and you evaluate how that made you feel, and all of the, often you'll find that you get out the other side of that and you're like, you can keep that 10 foot away from me because I don't want [00:52:00] anything to do with it because I'm not giving you back that control or power over me to make me feel like that again.

[00:52:06] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. You know, I 

[00:52:06] Aoife Roche: don't wanna make, we make ourselves feel like that. But like you, the, the idea that you would revisit situations and outcomes. I see. When people break up with people, um, you know, they're like, after a week they're like, no, I wanna get back together. And I'm like, you haven't even given yourself a chance.

Right. Like, just give yourself 30 days. Just, just sit and be stoic and don't contact, and don't, don't do any of these things. Just give yourself 30 days and then reevaluate. And if it's meant to be well, then fantastic. That's great. Yeah. If it's not meant to be, you know, you've gotten stronger, you've invested in yourself, you're journaling, you've started going to the gym, you're feeling better, you're looking better, you know, you're still winning.

[00:52:49] Penny Fitzgerald: There's absolutely no harm in that 30 days. 

[00:52:52] Aoife Roche: No. Yeah. Just to take that, that like be a little bit more stoic about it. 

[00:52:57] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Wonderful. [00:53:00] Okay. So if I've kept you a while, so I love to ask my guests, what's your favorite glass of wine or, uh, beverage?

What, what do you like to drink? 

[00:53:12] Aoife Roche: Yeah. So I, I'm a Pinot Grigio woman. I, I, yeah. Or, um, like a simple, um, a good cab. I'd have that as well if I was have a red or a vodka soda and lime. Mm-hmm. That's, I don't drink a whole lot. 'cause, not 'cause I have any problem with the drinking or alcohol, um, or people drinking alcohol.

I have a problem with the hangover. 

[00:53:33] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, I have a 

[00:53:35] Aoife Roche: problem with, I enjoy the socializing side of it, but the hangover side of it I cannot deal with. It is like putting bad gas in a Ferrari and then when you're trying to show up in your business the next day, I'm like, it's just not worth it. So it, I try to keep it pretty limited.

But yeah. If I was a glass of pina grigio or a cab, if I'm having a steak or if I'm out in a restaurant, I might have like a vodka soda, lime. 

[00:53:56] Penny Fitzgerald: Nice. Yeah, hydration is the key. What about 

[00:53:59] Aoife Roche: you? [00:54:00] 

[00:54:00] Penny Fitzgerald: What's your favorite? Oh, my favorite. It depends on the day. Yeah. You know, some days are. And who you're enjoying it with or what you're eating, that whole thing.

I, I'm a good, um, Prosecco lover though, like a nice crisp bubble. Yeah. Champagne if I can. But 

[00:54:17] Aoife Roche: yeah. Prosecco though, I like Prosecco even more so than champagne sometimes I think Prosecco can be a safer bit. 

[00:54:23] Penny Fitzgerald: A little bit lighter. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay. Do, do you have a favorite memory or can you, can you recall a, a fun memory with girlfriends sharing a glass of pinot or, uh, 

[00:54:33] Aoife Roche: I go, so, you know what?

I, I, and I was at one of my girlfriends last night. I just really enjoy actually sitting down when, with a group of women when we're just being super honest and authentic with each other. Yes. And having, and just like, you know, having conversation and just being like on, we went out last night, she was asking me about my business and what was happening, and I know stuff that's happening in her business.

And, you know, 'cause on the [00:55:00] outside people would always perceive, oh, I Iffa has it all together. It's not the case. Right. Iffa is in same challenges. You know, the, the, the higher you go, the bigger the challenge is. But to, to sit and go, well, you know, yeah, but this is happening. But then what about this, this and this and this and this?

You didn't know this was happening. To give her a little bit of comfort to go, okay, it is also happening over here. And I think as women, when we can be very honest with each other, um, you know, and talk about relationships, talk about business, talk about the dynamics we have to manage, then we don't feel like we are, um, so isolated.

'cause sometimes we no walls 

[00:55:42] Penny Fitzgerald: up. 

[00:55:43] Aoife Roche: Yeah. So some we think something's only happening to us. Mm-hmm. And then we talk to someone else, they go, oh no, that's happening to me too. And we'll be like, well, why didn't you ever tell me why, you know, like I, you don't have be that 

[00:55:53] Penny Fitzgerald: strong. 

[00:55:54] Aoife Roche: I'll give you one example. I, so I did a campaign, it was for ela, which is the pelvic [00:56:00] floor.

It's a machine for women. Okay. Like for women who are prolapse or who either have like their bladder because of having kids. So this machine, not London people know about, but I was doing the marketing for it when I was in Ireland. You basically go and you sit on it and it gives you, it's the equivalent of 20,000 Kegels in a 30 minute session.

[00:56:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Right? 

[00:56:20] Aoife Roche: Oh my. And so I've seen women going from, who couldn't walk, you know, a mile without needing to know where the next toilet was because they couldn't put to actually being able to like go on a car journey for five hours and not have any problems. So it's very transformational for any women. It's called Mella, MSS?

No, E-M-S-E-L-L-A. Okay. I think that what my point is when I started doing the research into it and working and doing all the marketing and I started working, talking to women. Like, so many women had this problem. Mm-hmm. And I was like, but why did, why do you not talk about it? They were like, we were [00:57:00] embarrassed.

We thought it was just us. We thought it, and I thought, like, isn't that terrible? That like we, we we're, we're like shamed into thinking that we can't discuss things. So. Mm-hmm. Anything that is, any sort of setting like that where women can have an honest conversation, I'm all for it. Um, or anything, any ways that like, you know, I, I'll, I'll talk about things that other people don't wanna talk about.

I'll be, I'll bring it up. I'm like, no problem. You know, it's real, it's rock, and then you like the match and then it just, and everyone wants to joke about it. So, yeah. So I think that was kind of one of the things that I learned as women. It's just so, so important to be like, especially with our bodies and what's happening with us and our hormones and our relationships and our business.

Just be honest with each other. 

[00:57:46] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. 

[00:57:47] Aoife Roche: Just be honest. 

[00:57:48] Penny Fitzgerald: That's amazing. That's a, yeah. Very great. I agree. I love a good conversation. And when you can be real and raw and share things and you don't feel so alone. 

[00:57:58] Aoife Roche: No, 

[00:57:59] Penny Fitzgerald: no. [00:58:00] 

[00:58:00] Aoife Roche: Yeah. Because we're, we're ev we're all changing. Like, I, you know, as we get to certain parts of our life, uh, things change.

[00:58:07] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like 

[00:58:08] Aoife Roche: circumstances can change our bodies, change our hormones, change our feelings change, our emotions change. 

[00:58:14] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:58:14] Aoife Roche: Our mental changes, like, there's a lot of changes going on. 

[00:58:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:58:19] Aoife Roche: Being able to sit down in a peer group and be open and honest about those things is very important. 

[00:58:24] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yeah.

Amazing. Well, okay, and one really awkward side note, I have to apologize. I've been saying, I even after you pronounced it, I said, afa, it's Iffa. 

[00:58:36] Aoife Roche: Yeah. That's okay. You're close enough. Yeah. It's iffa. Don't worry. Oh gosh. I honestly, I, I'm more surprised if someone says it correctly, then incorrectly. I, I realized when I moved to America, people, you're very precious about pronouncing people's names correctly.

And then I was like, look, look at the spelling of my name. How are you ever going to get, every time I do a speaking event, people are like, can I see your name badge? I'm like, it's not [00:59:00] gonna help you. You better, it is just gonna confuse you even more. Don't even look so I, I don't worry. You know what I mean?

I get it. I I, it is a complicated name. You know, the spelling this out. 

[00:59:12] Penny Fitzgerald: Well, that's very gracious. Thank you. 

[00:59:15] Aoife Roche: You you're welcome. But thank you so much for having me. It's been a great conversation. I really appreciate it. 

[00:59:21] Penny Fitzgerald: I, me too. I enjoyed getting to know you a little bit and your story is fantastic. It's very empowering for all of us to listen to.

[00:59:29] Aoife Roche: Yeah, no, I definitely would. I'm gonna still, I would like to do more. I sort of, when I wrote my book and I went back, I was very much into. Two workshops and then, but then you just get caught up in the rat race and then you get crazy and then you kind of lose yourself. And then, you know, we talk about the whisper, right?

Yeah. And that, I think that is my whisper. Mm-hmm. My whisper is to go back to talking a little bit more about mindset and 'cause it building the companies I've landed very much in my masculine energy. Like you push, push, push, drive the company, drive the sales, [01:00:00] drive the lease, hustle the business. Mm-hmm.

And then, you know, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, you know, and they got that independence. But it is actually, well how can you relax back? Because it's all about mindset at the end of the day. Like you could, it is about, it's not about the money, it's about the mindset. The mindset creates the money. 

[01:00:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Right.

Right. It's all you, your strength and moving toward what's pulling you instead of pushing it away because you wanna stay safe or, yeah. Comfortable. Mm-hmm. 

[01:00:32] Aoife Roche: Yeah. So thank you for giving me the opportunity. You're, you're slowly feeding into my whisper that I should talk about. Oh, good. You know, because I think sometimes we undervalue, I had someone yesterday came around, he said, I can we start doing B roll of you?

And, you know, and I was like, why would anyone want do B roll? I was like, I don't think my life is that interesting. You know? But, but he made a point, he was like, there's people that would like to know how you do what you do and what, you know, [01:01:00] what is your daily, daily thought process and things. 'cause like my, my social media is very curated, you know, mean.

It's, it's, there's not, it's very, it's events or it's me at it's production videos or it's scripted content. It's not like. It's not, you know, like 

[01:01:18] Penny Fitzgerald: not a conversation or a No. Off the cuff or, mm-hmm. 

[01:01:21] Aoife Roche: Yeah. Because I often don't think that I study. I'm that interesting. So I'm like, that's incorrect. But I think there's a humility in it.

But maybe I took it to another level. Maybe I need to go back and that and be like, well actually, are you just making an excuse not to shine? 

[01:01:40] Penny Fitzgerald: There it is. There it is. Mm-hmm. You know, 

[01:01:42] Aoife Roche: and I think that's a good kind of way to segue to end it. It's an evolution. 

[01:01:47] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. 

[01:01:47] Aoife Roche: Minute you think that you got it. You don't gotta, like, you just, you just go back around and it's perpetual because a lot of us are dealing with very deep conditioning at very young and early ages [01:02:00] that some of us aren't even aware of.

And then you can think that you interrupt a pattern of behavior, but it'll just go and it'll hide for a while and then it'll come back in a different guise. 

[01:02:08] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yeah. We're constantly growing and if we're not, that's not a good alternative. 

[01:02:14] Aoife Roche: No, if you're not growing, you're dying. 

[01:02:16] Penny Fitzgerald: Exactly. Exactly. 

[01:02:19] Aoife Roche: Well, okay.

Well thank you so much. I really appreciate your energy and everything. 

[01:02:24] Penny Fitzgerald: Thank you so much. Where can people find you, um, to check out all the things?

[01:02:27] Aoife Roche: Yeah, so probably the easiest one would be on LinkedIn. So that's IFE Roach, A-O-I-F-E and it's R-O-C-H-E or on Instagram, ife, A-O-I-F-E-J-R-O-C-H-E. You can find me on there. Um, yeah, it's pretty easy. Not too many people have that name here, so pretty quick. Yes, 

[01:02:46] Penny Fitzgerald: Thank you so much. 

[01:02:47] Aoife Roche: I appreciate a great day. Thanks so much. You take care. Okay. Bye-bye. 

[01:02:51] Penny Fitzgerald: Bye. 

Bye-bye.