Reinventing at 45+: Clarity, Confidence & What’s Next

What if your next chapter isn’t about starting over…but finally starting to honor who you’ve become?

This week, I’m joined by coach Chanda Coston, a woman whose journey through grief, reinvention, and deep self-discovery mirrors so much of what midlife women are navigating. Chanda helps women in the “third quarter” of life find clarity, build confidence, and create businesses aligned with the season they’re in — and our conversation is rich with truth, tenderness, and that quiet inner nudge so many of us feel at 45+.

We talk about the loneliness that comes with big life transitions, the relief of choosing yourself, and why women are wildly qualified for the visions tugging at their hearts. If you’ve been sensing something more for your life or business, this episode offers both inspiration and direction.

And if this conversation stirs something in you and you’d like support mapping out what’s next, I’d be honored to connect. You can book a call with me at pennyforyourshots.com/call.

In this episode, we explore:
• Why women 45+ minimize their gifts
• What clarity really looks like in midlife
• Navigating grief, loneliness, and major life pivots
• How to build a sustainable business in your current season
• The mindset shifts that help women finally move forward

Key Topics:
• Reinvention in midlife
• Confidence and self-worth
• Purpose-driven business building
• Systems, structure, and overwhelm
• Healing, resilience, and community support

Connect with Chanda:
Website: chanda-co.com
Instagram: instagram.com/chanda__co
3-Day Tiny Challenge: join.chanda-co.com/3day-clarity-challenge-with-chanda

Support the HEB Foundation (in honor of Chanda’s brother):
thehebfoundation.org/events

Book a connection call with Penny:
pennyforyourshots.com/call

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Transcript

Reinventing at 45+: Clarity, Confidence & What’s Next

Today's episode is such a special one because I'm joined by someone who shares my heart for women in midlife who are ready for their next chapter. Shanda Coston is a coach who helps women in the third quarter of life step into clarity, confidence, and purpose, and so much of what she believes about women, I believe too.

We come at this work from our own unique experiences, but the mission is the same. Helping women stop playing [00:01:00] small, honor their gifts and step fully into the life they've worked so hard for. As you listen, notice what lands for you. Notice what lights you up, and if something in this episode nudges you forward and you'd like support exploring your next step, I invite you to book a call with me.

I love helping women find the clarity and momentum they've been craving. You can do that by going to pennyforyourshots.com/call. Here is Shanda Coston. 

[00:01:30] Penny Fitzgerald: please tell me, tell us a little bit about you. Give us your name and um, what you do. 

[00:01:37] Chanda Coston: Sure. So name is Chanda Coston. I call myself the third quarter coach.

Um, I basically, I coach women in the third quarter of life, so typically over 40 in order to create, um, sustainable, purposeful business, right, that fit the season of the life that they're in. And so a lot of women are, um, at our age, let's put it that way, and in a [00:02:00] place of transition where they're preparing to.

Pivot, right? Whether it's they're preparing to send the kids off to college or be it empty nester, or they may be considering leaving their current career and starting a business or taking a hobby, a full-time business or any of those things, they may just wanna start a business, right? Um, but I help women do that.

Uh, the reason I focus on that particular segment is because, one, I've been there, too, I can totally relate, right? And I feel like there needs to be a voice for us that says it's not too late. You're more than qualified. You deserve the life that you want to live. Right? And so I'm gonna help you show up for you.

Um, and so that's me in a nutshell. That's awesome. We 

[00:02:41] Penny Fitzgerald: are so aligned, so much right. In sync. But I feel the same way that, um, you know, the women that I talk to, I hear them say over and over again, well, it's too late. Mm-hmm. I'm too old. Mm-hmm. No, but you know, or I'm tired. All [00:03:00] of the things. Right. All of them.

All the things. Yeah. And it's just kind of heartbreaking. 'cause we have all these experiences, all this wisdom that we've gained over the years. Yeah. What led you to this? 

[00:03:09] Chanda Coston: Well, um, I think, uh, another person coined me as a professional pivoter. Right? That may be perfect. I don't think I ever quite heard it like that, but, um, I think life led me here to be honest.

Um, we don't quite ever know where we're gonna end up when we start our journey. We just kind of fell along on our way and it's like, wait a minute, here I am. Um, at this particular junction, I'd have to say it was definitely, um. The season of life I'm in and also learning to trust myself, right? Um, and so being okay with saying yes to myself because I've done all the things.

I've checked all the boxes, I showed up in all the places I was supposed to, and that's like, okay. Um, honestly, um. Two years ago, my mom's husband, we found out he was terminally ill. [00:04:00] Mm-hmm. And I told the family I was gonna move my house from Maryland to North Carolina because my children were grown and um, it would be closer to her and my siblings.

They have younger children and you know, all the things. And I worked a hundred percent remote. So I was like, you know, I'll just uproot myself and go down there and support mom. But I didn't take into account that. I would have nobody, right? So first time in my entire life, an empty nester completely. Um, grandkids weren't close by.

Kids weren't close by. And I had to sit with myself for over a year, right? it was like mind blowing, eye opening, um, very transformative because I didn't get to say, Hey, what do you want for dinner? Or, 

Okay, what are you gonna do today? And it was really difficult, right? Because no one prepares you for that. And so for the first time in my life, I was alone and I had to sit with myself. And I was like, wow, okay. 

so it, it gave me the time that I needed to say, this is your season. You know? Um, I was sad, I was [00:05:00] lonely, but I pulled myself out of it and I said, this is your season, and you are young still, right? Mm-hmm. It's time to live life. And so what does that look like for you?

Mm-hmm. And so I started to kind of jot down to things that I wanted in this next season of my life. And I was like, well, this is my new goals. These, these are the new things that I'm going after. And it included coaching. Um, I lost my brother to gun violence a few years ago and I have a nonprofit. And in the nonprofit we would mentor, um.

Youth, we would mentor the youth, but we'd also have life skill classes. And a part of that was people coming in to learn about entrepreneurship is one of, one of the classes that they signed up the most for. Um, before I did this, I was an independent contractor, so I had my own business anyway, so that was like a no-brainer for me.

Like I can teach that in my sleep. And so I realized like, Hey, I like this. I like when someone gets. Clear, right? I like when that light comes on, I like to see things like move forward and people start asking me, Hey, can you coach your coach me? Can you mentor me? And I was like, well, I'm not really set up for that.

Like, [00:06:00] what does that look like? And so in that season I was able to explore that a bit more and I was like, you know, I think I'm gonna do that. Um, really good in my job in the government contracting, but it wasn't fulfilling. And so I was like, I think this is a thing that I wanna do. I enjoy helping people get clear.

I enjoy seeing people transform. Right. So that butterfly effect. Mm-hmm. I enjoy it. Yes. Here we are. 

[00:06:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Well, let's back up just a second. There were a couple things that, um, you said in there that were such great points. Um, being on your own for the first time, you're so used to putting one foot in front of the other, serving everybody else.

Yeah. And all of a sudden you're. Like having to take care of yourself. Yeah. Yep. Um, wow. It was, I, I didn't think of it that way, but it's so true of so many women. We, we just care for everybody else. And then you kind of forget, well, what's important to me? Or how do I take care of me? 

[00:06:55] Chanda Coston: Oh yeah. So it was like, okay.

Had lots of lazy days out on the back [00:07:00] porch. I have a pergola, right? So it's me and my dog. I was blessed to get a dog the year before I moved. It was ironic. I am a person of faith, so I believe in faith that God knew what I needed. I had a puppy, like I had had a dog in years. Mm. And my brother gifted me a dog for my birthday.

And like the later that year is when I bought the house that moved out. Mm-hmm. So for that year, it was literally me and Si. Right. And okay. You went from caring for people to caring for a puppy. Yeah. Well, you know the things that I never had time for, I have a hydroponic garden now. I have plants in the house.

I never had those things. Nice. But yeah, we learn how to, um, evolve and we learn how to nurture ourselves and we, we learn how to, you know, build clarity and confidence and we learn how to rise, right? Mm-hmm. Um, we're very resilient because we have to be, but normally we do it because we love everybody else.

We're, we're resilient for them, and I have to learning that season. Okay. This is for you. You know? 

[00:07:58] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:58] Chanda Coston: So that was like, [00:08:00] whoa. 

[00:08:00] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. That's a 

[00:08:01] Chanda Coston: shift for sure. Yeah. Quite a shift. 

[00:08:04] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Well, and then you, you mentioned that you lost your brother. I did. I'm so sorry 

[00:08:09] Chanda Coston: to hear that. Thank you. Thank you. Um, lost him to gun violence.

A horrible story. Um, one of his high school associates broke into my mom's house and held her at gunpoint. She was asleep and the guy came in and, and held her at gunpoint and, um. Someone was coming in the house and the guy got afraid and ran out the back door. And when she described him to my brother, my brother knew exactly who he was, although my mom didn't know who he was.

And so my brother went after him and he came back years later and killed my brother. Yes. Years later. Years later. Horrible story. Horrible story. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And he was a single dad, um, young. He was only 27. And, um, it just kind of shook us because mm-hmm. You know, you do all the things you're supposed to do and you like, that's not gonna happen to us surely.

And, um, it did, you know? And so, [00:09:00] um, in my grief, I was like, I wanna serve families. I don't want any other family to experience what we experienced. And so as we go to that community to serve, and so we've been doing that since 2018. 

[00:09:12] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Tell me about the foundation 

[00:09:13] Chanda Coston: that you started.

His name is Raqueb. Right? And so his friends called him Heb. And so we started the HEB Foundation. Aw. And he, it stands for Healing, Evolving and and Building community, one family at a time. And he passed away October the 11th. Uh, October 25th, we buried him.

And that November the first, I was like, okay, what are we doing? Um. We're gonna do this, you know, we're gonna serve people. And, um, we all got together and serve families, uh, for Thanksgiving that year and serve families for that Christmas. And then we did all the paperwork and we've been moving along ever since.

And so, um, quite a bit of work in that arena. Um, well known in the community, right? Served thousands of people in his honor. Um, but that was when the, the coaching and the teaching was birthed, um, and started [00:10:00] the community. Um, and it was a bridge. It was a bridge, um, to dealing with grief, right? And a bridge, right?

[00:10:06] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:07] Chanda Coston: Um, and 

[00:10:08] Penny Fitzgerald: yeah. If, if people wanna take a look at that charity or contribute, how would they find you? How would they find that? 

[00:10:16] Chanda Coston: The website is the HEB foundation.org. We are 5 0 1 C3, so anything you do is tax deductible. We're actually in the process of doing a coat drive. I am, uh, looking to buy a few hundred more coats well underway with that.

We also service, uh, we provide coats the same time we distribute Thanksgiving dinners to the families, and then we provide Christmas gifts and Christmas dinners to the family, also serve the homeless. So we have a few initiatives, um, but. The HEB foundation.org. Okay, 

[00:10:48] Penny Fitzgerald: thank you. I'm gonna include that in our show notes so people can find it.

And 

[00:10:51] Chanda Coston: thank you. 

[00:10:52] Penny Fitzgerald: Help if they feel led to do that, that's so important. 

[00:10:56] Chanda Coston: It is. You don't. You never know where your [00:11:00] journey's gonna take you. Mm-hmm. I'll put it 

[00:11:01] Penny Fitzgerald: that way. 

[00:11:01] Chanda Coston: Right? Mm-hmm. It all counts. Yeah. 

[00:11:04] Penny Fitzgerald: Absolutely. Okay. And that led you to serve more by leading your coaching or leading you into more coaching.

[00:11:13] Chanda Coston: Mm-hmm. So, and teaching classes and, um, mentoring youth, it is like, okay, I like this. Teaching thing, I like this coaching thing. 

[00:11:20] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Um, and 

[00:11:21] Chanda Coston: even though I wasn't set up to do it, I would say, Hey, I'll just take your number and I'll keep up with you and I'll pass you some resources or, so I was doing it unofficially, but I was like, okay, what does this look like?

[00:11:29] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. And 

[00:11:30] Chanda Coston: um, and sitting with myself, I realized like, you know, this thing I like. Doing that. I don't necessarily, I'm good as at being a program manager for the government, but it's like the work is tiring, it's unfulfilling and it's never ending. Right? And so, mm-hmm. Kinda like robotic. 'cause you're good at it.

'cause you gotta feed the family, but it's not necessarily the thing that feeds your spirit. Right? Oh, if I, if I could combine the two, what does that look like? And I was like, you know, I don't have anybody on my back anymore. Right? My kids are grown so [00:12:00] I can structure my life to do the thing that I like.

[00:12:03] Penny Fitzgerald: That's powerful. Yeah. And a lot of women are kind of stuck in that middle ground where, okay, my kids are grown. I don't have them to care for, but you might be helping out in an elderly parent. 

Oh yeah. And I'm there. 

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was for a while. Um, both my parents have passed on, but yeah, you go through that where you're, you know, in that transition where yeah, you're, you're caring for others and you do what you have to do.

Right. And you do what? You are led to do and you, you know, to love on your family. Um, but yeah, when it comes time to, okay, now it's my turn. What's next? 

[00:12:42] Chanda Coston: Yeah. Well, I was really clear on wanting to do the thing, but I was mm-hmm. Also clear on not wanting it to consume me. Right? 

[00:12:49] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. And 

[00:12:50] Chanda Coston: so I had started having conversations around systems and automations and what that looked like and how heavy of a lift it would be in order to do something like that, so that I [00:13:00] still could work a minimum amount of hours.

I like to travel. I like to read. I like to spend time with family, right? Mm-hmm. And so it's like I don't wanna jump into anything or step into anything where it. Overwhelms me where I don't have capacity. Mm-hmm. And so I did the work and I was like, Hey, I could actually do this. I talked to some people and she's like, oh, oh, I could do this.

And so I started doing things like paying my debt off, right? Mm. Right. Getting ready. Exactly. Preparing things. it's difficult enough to make a change and to step into a big transition without. All the baggage that comes with it. 

[00:13:33] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. 

[00:13:34] Chanda Coston: Just to eliminate some of that is kind of the mindset around it.

And I was able to do that. And so now it's just building and, and serving and, and travel. That's great. 

[00:13:43] Penny Fitzgerald: Getting, getting rid of the baggage clears your mind and the stress too, right? Yes. 

[00:13:48] Chanda Coston: The clearer you are, the less noise, you hear the stress. Right. Life still happens.

Mm-hmm. Life definitely happens. Um, I was on my way back from Asia a week and a half ago and my [00:14:00] mom told me her husband is worse, so mm-hmm. It's like, okay, well, we'll prepare for that. Right? Because that's what I'm here for. But life still goes on. And so you just, you prepare, you adjust, right? You're just, and you, you keep moving.

[00:14:13] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:14:14] Chanda Coston: Um, but yeah. Exciting. That's very exciting. And you just got back from Asia? I did. Yeah. So every October I take a trip to honor my brother, and I give space because I feel like a lot of times we don't honor ourselves, right? Because we're taught to. Kind of sweep it under the rug like you're a woman, sweep it under the rug, get over it, get over it.

Right. And I don't like that. Mm-hmm. Kind of a rebel. You could probably tell. Right. I love that. And so what I decided to do is every October, um, around, you know, his death anniversary, October the 11th, I take a trip. last year I said I'm gonna go to Bali. And so I booked my ticket in January of this year.

And so the closer it got to the date, I was like, I'm going all the way to Asia. I'm only [00:15:00] gonna go to Bali. I gotta fix this. So then I changed it and I did 24 hours in Dubai. And then I went on to Bali and from Ubud, I went to Singapore. 

And then I went over to Kuala Lumpur, Uhhuh and went back to Bali. and closed it out and then I came home. 

[00:15:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Wow. What a trip. How long were you gone?

[00:15:20] Chanda Coston: Two weeks. But it was absolutely amazing. Um, I didn't get any rest. That's the only thing, but I don't regret it. Right. So if I had to over, I would've probably positioned some rest in there, but, um. I didn't, so it's fine because you only get like. Who's to say the next time I'm gonna be in Asia. Right. 

[00:15:39] Penny Fitzgerald: But I got, oh my gosh.

Yeah. 

[00:15:40] Chanda Coston: And do all the things and Yeah, and I'm a solo traveler too, so that's the other, okay. Yeah. People are like, you're crazy. I'm like, no, we only get one life. Like we, you don't, you don't have any regrets when your time comes, you get one life, right. Like, yep, let's go. That's right. Yeah. Work hard, play hard.[00:16:00] 

[00:16:02] Penny Fitzgerald: I love that. That used to be my team motto. Yeah. Yeah. I knew we were aligned. 

[00:16:10] Chanda Coston: Yeah. 

[00:16:10] Penny Fitzgerald: So all good stuff though. Yeah. So, okay. So tell us a little bit more about your programs. What, what, um, are they specific or just kind of driven by your clients, or how do you structure them? Um, 

[00:16:23] Chanda Coston: the. Entry point is typically the free ebook, right?

Mm-hmm. All they have to do is, uh, fill out a form, they'll get the ebook downloaded to them. Um, there's a 21 day, a 21 day, a three day tiny challenge, and that's one-on-one. So people have to get to know you, right? And if they say, Hey, I like her. I like what she sounds like, it sounds like she knows her stuff, but I'm not really sure.

Mm-hmm. For $1, you meet, with me over three consecutive days. For one hour. You bring me one problem in your business and we work on it for three days, and you walk away with a 90 day plan. And if at the end of those three days you decide, you know what? I don't think I got my money worth, [00:17:00] then as long as you showed up and you did the work, I'll give you $3 back.

Okay? And so, um. That's the tiny challenge. And then I have a community. Um, you can do the lower level, which is $29 a month, and you get the motivation, you get a weekly call, right? Um, which is minimal. So if you were to do the 90 day, um. The 90 day poem at the end of the three day challenge and say, you know what?

I don't have the money for the VIP program, but I really wanna stay connected, right? Mm-hmm. For $30 a month, you can still meet with me on a call once a week in the community to say, I got a question for you. Right? It's q and a is built into that call. Mm-hmm. Um, for $97 a month, you get a lot more. You get templates, worksheets, events.

You get the. Motivation, you get the weekly call. And so that's for people who are like really dialed in, they're ready to go. Mm-hmm. And they're like, okay, I don't wanna do the VIP program right now. Or you may have done the VIP program, but you still wanna stay connected and you still wanna have access to all of the things, right?

[00:17:59] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. [00:18:00] 

[00:18:00] Chanda Coston: And so that would be the $97 month for the community. Or you can do the VIP program and that is 12 consecutive weeks on working with me on a track. Based on where you are in your business. Um, that one is $15,000, but it's actually execution. Um, and the way that one is built is we're looking at your.

Um, client, your messaging. We're looking at your personal brand. We're talking about your SOPs, your workflows, your processes, your operational pieces. We're looking at your, um, offer and your pricing. And then we actually built in two sprints in that program. So the expectation is during those weeks, you're actually gonna go off and execute.

So you can also refine and ask questions. You get a client resource guide, you get a one year plan of action, a milestone in that program. And you also have access to an accountability partner as well as access to the community. So lots and lots and lots of resources in that, um, that was developed. Um, due to my [00:19:00] experience in the coaching space, Uhhuh.

I've had some great coaches, but I've also had some coaches that were not so great who just kind of throw you some fluff and say, go off and be great. And you're like, what is this? Like what are you, 

[00:19:12] Penny Fitzgerald: I 

[00:19:12] Chanda Coston: already 

[00:19:12] Penny Fitzgerald: am 

[00:19:13] Chanda Coston: right? What is this? Um, and so I, I think there's a responsibility to not just be integral, but also to make sure the person not just.

To use information, but they're able to understand it because if they don't understand it, process it, they can't actually do anything with it. Right. Integrate it. 

[00:19:28] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:19:29] Chanda Coston: Right. And so that's really, um, very 

[00:19:31] Penny Fitzgerald: intense program for that piece of it. Mm-hmm. 

[00:19:33] Chanda Coston: It is an accelerator. 

[00:19:35] Penny Fitzgerald: And I'm sorry, what did you say that was?

15 one 5,000? Yes. 15. Okay. I wasn't sure if that was 50. No. 

15. That's different. Yeah. That's 

a bit different. Yes. Well, okay, so you, you bring people into your world so that they can get a feel for what you're Yeah. All about and how you, how you process, how [00:20:00] you exactly. Um, coach, how you hold people accountable.

What's your ebook like? What it, what's it called or what's it about? 

[00:20:07] Chanda Coston: Barriers, um, to breakthroughs. It's just that it's a lot of tools, um, primarily on product, increasing productivity, time management, things like that. Ironically enough, when most people come and they say they have issues, I'm overwhelmed.

And once they get cleared, it eliminates the noise and they're no longer stuck so they can move forward. 

[00:20:23] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:24] Chanda Coston: Um, I don't have time. Once they come in, we do a calendar audit, give them time management strategies, and then they're actually. The people that actually implement them. Okay, let's explain that.

Me giving them to them and then implementing. But the people that actually implement them immediately find that they have immense progress. Like their day clears up, right? They mm-hmm. They're no longer overwhelmed. There's now a, the ability to execute and make progress, right? And we all have a different capacity for progress depending on our lives.

And so all that into account, but the other thing is the accountability. So I tell everybody, like, if I'm not your coach and you're not in my community. Get you [00:21:00] a coach and get in community because you're 65% more likely to, um, accomplish your goal if you tell somebody else about it. And then if somebody's keeping you accountable on a regular basis, it's almost like 5% where you're likely to achieve your goal because now somebody's looking over your shoulder.

But it's ironic for us that it takes that, like we're still concerned about someone else. Exactly thing that, and tell them we're gonna do for ourselves, right? Mm-hmm. But if it works, it works. Right? 

[00:21:24] Penny Fitzgerald: It works. Yeah. Well, and I feel like we, we hold ourselves back, um, for many different reasons. We might have a limiting belief about, I'm not ready yet, or I'm not good enough, or, I'm so busy.

Well, we keep ourselves busy so that we stay small. 

Mm-hmm. 

And we don't challenge ourselves to be bigger and to own our voice and to be, you know, serving others. It's just, it keeps us small. We, you know. Having a system is great and I you need systems for everything to be able to be efficient, to be able to have a greater impact.

But if you're not ready internally 

Oh yeah, 

yeah. It [00:22:00] just, it feels like, um, you know, we hold ourselves back and it becomes a habit. Holding ourselves and keeping ourselves small and having someone else that sees that spark in us mm-hmm. And spurs us or holds us accountable to be more, to step into our, our voice.

Exactly. That's important. 

[00:22:20] Chanda Coston: No, I agree. When I first started considering this journey, um, in my mind I'm like, as a program manager, I'll just do strategy, right? Mm-hmm. But what I quickly learned. I partner with another community and, um, they allow me to do a pilot for my program to make sure it's viable, right?

And what I quickly learned is everybody needed a coach. Some people needed a therapist, everybody needed a coach. And so it's really important to be able to have those conversations around limiting beliefs, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. You know, I just have this little business. I don't, you know, I don't wanna do my no.

And it's like, but why not? Yeah. You know, who are you 

[00:22:57] Penny Fitzgerald: serving and what are you, what, what's the impact that you [00:23:00] wanna make? 

[00:23:00] Chanda Coston: Exactly. 

[00:23:01] Penny Fitzgerald: Is it little. 

[00:23:04] Chanda Coston: Right. You know, and trying to get everyone to understand like, you're not the imposter here. You come. Like you said, with years of experience, years of expertise.

Mm-hmm. Like everything that you've went through in your journey, it counts. It goes in your toolbox. There's a lesson that has been learned that you can help someone else avoid. Right. Good or bad. Either you can help replicate it or you can help them avoid. And so I'm like, that's the role of a coach.

That's the role of a consultant. So we start getting into this thick of things and it's like, listen, I told you you're great. Like you got this. And so I love to hear when clients come back, I'm like, oh my God, I couldn't wait to talk to you. I just made so much progress. I've been doing so much. But it's really about, like you said, taking some of the busy work off of your to-do list.

Because running in place is not the same as moving forward. It's not the same as progress. You know, what are you doing in your business to actually increase your bottom line today? So laundry is important, don't get me wrong. Okay. It starts piling [00:24:00] up. Yeah, it does. But you know. Yeah. And so helping them understand the difference between the two and making those distinctions right, and managing themselves and their self-talk as well as their time better.

[00:24:13] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:24:14] Chanda Coston: Yeah. Those are all the important things that mm-hmm. 

[00:24:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Are needed. Yeah. It's like you said, we, we hold our girlfriends in high esteem. We could tell them all the wonderful things about them. You are amazing. These are the things that you do. You're so bright, you're wise, you're all the things. But then when it comes to the way we talk to ourselves, it's so, it's heartbreaking.

[00:24:35] Chanda Coston: It is. 

[00:24:36] Penny Fitzgerald: We don't give ourselves credit. We don't. We diminish what we've learned, our experiences, we diminish our worth. Mm-hmm. And it's 

[00:24:45] Chanda Coston: sad. Yeah. But that's where the, the, the self-work, self-awareness comes into play, right? 

[00:24:52] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:53] Chanda Coston: And a lot of times, I think as coaches, at least for me, it's about allowing them to, um, [00:25:00] reveal the inner parts, right?

The good parts of themselves, 

[00:25:03] Penny Fitzgerald: reminding themselves of who they are. And so 

[00:25:07] Chanda Coston: I'm just like a mirror. So what I hear you saying is, so let's talk about that a bit more. Let's, let's, you know, develop that. Let's see what that looks like. 

That's so important. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Working through that, that barrier. Yeah.

To stepping out. Um, so they can be better for or so they can create a greater impact for their people. 

Oh yeah. And be honest with themselves, right? Mm-hmm. It's like, well, what does success look like? Okay. If as, as we always say, if money and time wasn't an issue, right? 

[00:25:41] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. What 

[00:25:42] Chanda Coston: does affection look like?

What does the perfect day look like? What does the perfect business look like? Like, yeah. How do you wanna show up in the world? 

[00:25:49] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yeah. Women especially, I think, get so busy just putting one foot in front of the other, just doing the thing. 

[00:25:55] Chanda Coston: Yeah. You 

[00:25:55] Penny Fitzgerald: step back and think about it. 

[00:25:57] Chanda Coston: Yeah. Well, it's our makeup, right?

[00:26:00] We're mm-hmm. About to be small, play small, get over it. We're the homemaker. Yeah. We're the, and, and times are changing somewhat, but, uh, a little bit, but sometimes it's not evolved enough. Right. And so, okay. It's okay for you to show up. Um, I can be, um. Confident and a man can be confident, but I will be arrogant or he will be confident.

And I was like, why is that? 

[00:26:27] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:26:28] Chanda Coston: And I thought like, uh, don't do that. And it's like, well, why is that? I can go after my business, you know, and be ambitious. Right. And a man being ambitious, but then I may be seen as being too aggressive. Mm-hmm. Well, why is that? And the guy would be described as assertive.

Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. So why is that? And so, teaching us to be comfortable in our skin, and I, I say it all the time. My, my, uh, what is it? Yolo, uh, you only live once. Yes. Let's not leave here with [00:27:00] any regrets. Right. 

[00:27:01] Penny Fitzgerald: So important. Yeah. Yeah. My dad, um, I was lucky enough to have him. He was three weeks shy of 103. 

[00:27:12] Chanda Coston: Oh, wow.

[00:27:13] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. I was so fortunate to be able to have him and, you know, at, at, um, towards the end of his life, I was asking, well, he was 90 something, so he still had a lot of years left, but just asking him questions about his life, like, what are some of the things that you've learned? And he said, one of the things he said was, everyone's different.

You gotta love everybody. Just so much wisdom in those, you know, and the things that you'd like. What are, what are the things that you remember growing up and, you know, what was your favorite part of your life? Looking back and you said, you know, you kids hanging out with, you know, just learning from you kids and having you around.

So just the, the things that you value, the things that you, you see as [00:28:00] important. The la later we get in life, it really comes into focus more, I feel. 

[00:28:07] Chanda Coston: No, I agree with that. I, um, I think when I was raising my children, I was definitely in survival mode. I went into the uhhuh, I had an abusive husband, so I was definitely in survival mode.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. As a grandmother. Now my granddaughter's about to be 10 in a few weeks, and she's like, you're my best friend, grandma. And just being my dad, you know, when I went to Asia, she's like, grandma, I can't believe you went without me. Like. But yeah, we, we may, you know, having the freedom and the ability to just, like you said, glean from the younger generation and, and learn from them and spend time with them and watch their little minds, you know, as they turn.

Almost even I can watch my grandson, he's seven super smart, my grandson. Um, and it's like I can sit there and we can have a conversation and his. At seven years old, he talks like, he's [00:29:00] like 12. Like just so mature, right? Mm-hmm. And so great. And I was just like, wow. And it's just like how open they are.

Like we, um, one of my goals was always for my family to travel. And so I've taken my grandchildren overseas and, um, just how open they are to new experiences and people and places and you know, all the things. And it's just like. Watching that, right? Yeah. Remind myself to like, even as I was in, uh, Dubai and Asia, my thoughts was, oh my God, my grandkids will have so much fun with this and Za want this.

And I'm just like, you know, so your, your father definitely has something there. Um, so I get a chance. To relive, uh, and experience my children through their children. 

[00:29:44] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:29:45] Chanda Coston: And that's the blessing of being a grandparent. I'm not rushed, I'm not worried about work and a schedule. Right. I can meet my own schedule and everything is so much easier.

So, you know, I, I have my work days Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of my workdays, but if I wanna spend [00:30:00] time with family. Then, you know, I may block my calendar. Also understand as an entrepreneur, if I don't work, I don't get paid, but it's worth it when I need a self-care day or if I need an extra hug, or if I need, you know what I mean?

It's taking time. Yeah. So absolutely. That is, um, one of the keys, I think in this season of life. It is just taking a moment. Taking a moment to enjoy the fruits of our labor, my grandchildren. Exactly. 

[00:30:28] Penny Fitzgerald: And what a great. Example you're giving them like, yeah, this is what grandma does. I, serve other people and make an impact, but I also get to spend time with you when I get to travel and Oh yeah.

Do all the things when we 

[00:30:42] Chanda Coston: start the community, um, as long as. They're available. Mm-hmm. We do take the kids out, um, to also serve, you know, 'cause we want 'em to understand, you know, what that's about. And so when we distribute to the community, and even when I shop for, you [00:31:00] know, events, you know, they're like, grandma, what is all this stuff?

And so having those conversations and, and allowing them to understand why it's important to get back. Like why do we do some of the things we do and why it's important to show up, you know? Yeah. 

[00:31:15] Penny Fitzgerald: Absolutely. Well, and leaning into your wisdom, leaning into your gifts and in what you're doing also is a good example for them.

'cause you would want nothing less for them to be able to live their life on their terms. Oh yeah. 

[00:31:31] Chanda Coston: Yeah, no, I believe very heavily in entrepreneurship. All five of my children have either had or still have a business. And so that was one of the things I told 'em. I have always believed like no one will ever pay you your worth.

Right? And no one can ever take your wisdom and knowledge from you. And so it's really important for you to. Um, make sure that you're reading, that you're staying up on the latest and the greatest, right? Mm-hmm. Um, and that you're applying knowledge. And so it's okay to get a job because you need that, right?

You need the stability. And having a [00:32:00] company is expensive, honestly, when you're Yeah. You're launching. Yeah. When you're launching and you're building it, it is. And so you need that support, especially if you have a family, right? Mm. Mm-hmm. So it can help to pour into what you're building, but make no mistakes about it.

If you're an entrepreneur, a business owner, right, then no one can cap you, no one can cap your, um, growth in. Mm-hmm. Anyway. And I think it's a really good way for people to learn of a lot of different skills. 

[00:32:31] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. Oh, for sure. And get that experience of working with people and 

[00:32:35] Chanda Coston: Oh yeah. 

[00:32:36] Penny Fitzgerald: You know, not just seeing what works, but also seeing, well, that didn't work.

You know, I don't like the way this was done, and Absolutely I'm gonna do it different. 

[00:32:45] Chanda Coston: Absolutely. So. I am a big believer in that. Definitely. Yeah. In my past. Yeah. But yeah, so yeah. 

[00:32:55] Penny Fitzgerald: Um, 

how long have you 

[00:32:56] Chanda Coston: been coaching 

[00:32:59] Penny Fitzgerald: [00:33:00] officially a 

[00:33:00] Chanda Coston: year? Uhhuh? I'm actually about seven years. 

[00:33:05] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. It kind of, you can read the breadcrumbs or follow the breadcrumbs to see, you know, oh, people are really finding value in this thing that I do.

Just automatically. Yeah. And it led to a business. 

[00:33:19] Chanda Coston: It did, it, it led to a big pivot. So it's like, uh, I don't think I like being here anymore. Like, what does this look like? Um, I don't feel value added. I feel this is great. We, um, a lot of times we're not taught to, um, to pay attention to what feeds us. Right.

We're just told mm-hmm. Go to school, get the job, show up, do the work, raise the family, and then you get to retire. And that's not really the reality anymore. Right. But no one is taking the time to kind of break that old mold, unfortunately. Right. And so, um, like I said, I'm, I try to be self-aware, [00:34:00] right? I, I try to mm-hmm.

Pay attention to myself, honor myself, and, um. Before my brother passed away, I left the government and I went into government contracting so that I could do government contracting on my own. Mm-hmm. And in mind at that time, I was gonna be like the great big success, the big mogul. I was gonna have this multimillion dollar, um, contracting company for the government.

'cause why not? Right? The government had lots of money. Um. I started that position in September. I lost my brother in October, and so it pivoted me, shifted me, right Uhhuh, it shifted me and I immediately went from trying to build my business to building a nonprofit because I felt like, yeah, they snatched him from us and they didn't get to decide, you know, what, how he's remembered.

And so I was like, we're gonna do all these great things in his name and, and that was my mindset. At the time and still my mindset. Um, but because I changed my focus, right? I kept my business because [00:35:00] it was lucrative. It paid me, I was good at it. Years of experience, degree, certifications, um, and I did all the things they told me to do in order to make it.

Successful, but it wasn't my focus. It was no longer my passion. And so I showed up 'cause I had bills and I still had kids in high school. Right. And mm-hmm. But what I realized is like, okay, like I said, when I, I became the empty nest for the kids graduated, I said, you know, what am I gonna do now? Like, I don't, this thing I'm doing, I don't like it.

Like I, I just do it because I have to, but it's not the thing that feeds me. So let's pivot, let's do the thing that you love to do, 

[00:35:37] Penny Fitzgerald: right? Sometimes it takes that. Wake, not really a wake up call, but this a tragedy or something big to, to make you think, oh, is this really it? 

[00:35:49] Chanda Coston: No, I would definitely, um, I'm very type a, very driven.

Um, and had I not lost my brother when I did, I, I'm sure I would've went a different way. And I'm not sure I [00:36:00] would've been a better person for it, to be honest. Um, because I would've been a woman playing in a man's world. Right? And you have to kind of show up like them in a sense. And so very androgynous and, and very logical when I have to be, right mm-hmm.

Worry about my business. That's how I get so much done. Um, but this side of me allows me to be, um, more empathetic and sympathetic to my, um, clients and their situations, but also. To empower them with the knowledge and the skillset that I have to show them like, okay, here's a, a easier path. Let me help you clear the noise.

Let me help you clear and then I'm gonna hold your hand while we walk through this to show you that you can do the thing that you wanna do, right? You can be 

[00:36:42] Penny Fitzgerald: successful, 

[00:36:42] Chanda Coston: you can have the life you deserve. You can build the business that will serve you and your family. Create a legacy, right? 

[00:36:50] Penny Fitzgerald: From Heart and Soul.

Instead of that, the system is, is set up by men. It's a system that, you know, corporate, it's worked for years, but only [00:37:00] because it, you know, when men are doing it and then the, the way the system is set up. Yeah. We step into that and it just doesn't feel right. It does that. It's not leading from heart and soul.

It's not, yeah. Yeah. It, and it's not the cycle of it. It's not a, we don't work well on a day to day. Start in the morning. You, you finish at five, start in the morning, you finish at five. It's, it's a different cycle for us. 

[00:37:26] Chanda Coston: It is. And, and that's the thing before everything shut down and I was remote, I would be up at four 30 in the morning, out the door by five 15 in the office.

By six 15 I would leave the office by two o'clock to missed the traffic, to get home, to get back on, oh geez, for an hour, maybe two. Mm-hmm. Depending on the late meeting. And then I'd have to get offline, greet the children, do homework, clean up, do the dinner. You know, whatever, right? All the things. Yeah. I had extracurriculars, I'm running them around and then I'd have to be sleep, [00:38:00] right?

And where am I in that? I mean, to be honest, right? Mm-hmm. Where I sleep to get up and start over and do it all over again, and my weekends were. Dedicated to running the kids around in the house, like deeply catching up, doing the groceries, the meal prepping, getting the laundry done, and prepping, you know, clothes for the week so that when I started, it'd be easier in the morning to just grab an outfit already ready outta the closet to get dressed and go do it again.

And so, um, you know, um. I knew me being birthed out of my brother's situation was almost a lifesaver as far as, uh, the mindset shift and the heart shift and Right, because I was dialed in. I was, yeah. Yeah. You do what you gotta do. You do, you do. Yeah. And the thing about it is, uh, people will look at you and be like, oh, wow, you made it, you're successful.

Like, and they like, I'm gonna be like you. And it's like, but in hindsight, do you. [00:39:00] Why? Yeah. Yeah. You know, not realizing how, um, hard it is and how tiring, tiring it is and uhhuh and how selfless we have to be as women. Right? Yeah. On the other side, men are not always. Taught that they have to take that role.

They may get up and go to work, but when they come home, everything else is done for them by someone else. But for mothers in that role, right? We're managing both sides because evolution hasn't quite caught up to rebalance the distribution of that weight. And not all households are like that, but most of them are.

[00:39:32] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. It's different. Yeah. And it, yeah, things are shifting, but it. It doesn't have to be black or white, you know, I mean, it can be very rewarding to work in your own way to, to make it work, you know, together in, in our cycle, in our seasons, in our, the things that, you know, caring for our family, caring for those around us and for ourselves.

Yeah. And 

[00:39:59] Chanda Coston: that's what I. [00:40:00] That's what I don't wanna say preach, but that's, that's how I position, um, the conversations with my clients is, okay, like, does this fit the season that you're in? So you can say that you wanna do something that you're good at, that's needed out in the world that you can, you know, charge for, but does it fit the season that you're in, right?

Mm-hmm. And what does that look like? And so it's being very careful with that and. Making sure you're not biting off more than you can chew per se, right? 

[00:40:26] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:40:27] Chanda Coston: In order to do their thing. So not to say de delayed is not denied. Right. So not to say never. Right, right. But not now. 

[00:40:36] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Well, and when it, when it works in your season, when it's, when it's your time, um, lean into that because women are better leaders because we lead from heart and soul.

Instead of bottom line and dollars and it, I talk about this all the time, and it's not a pie. There's not, there's not a piece that's just for me and just you have your own piece. Yeah. [00:41:00] We will bake another pie. It's abundant. You know, we can, we can lead with more of that attitude rather than, um, this competitive nature.

[00:41:12] Chanda Coston: Yeah. No, I, I believe that too. Um, which is another reason I don't believe in gatekeeping. I think there's more than enough, right? I think, yes. So, um, it's like you are, you're just gonna share. Well, I think there's more than enough. I don't have to hoard resources. I don't have to be like, oh God, this is for me.

No, there's enough. So you, you take that. 

[00:41:34] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yeah. When, when women collaborate, it's magic. 

[00:41:38] Chanda Coston: It is. 

Naturally givers. 

[00:41:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yes. It's natural and it just flows and works together. It supports other people. 

[00:41:46] Chanda Coston: Yeah. Well I think if it's not tainted, we're naturally givers.

I'll reframe that. 

[00:41:51] Penny Fitzgerald: Well, yeah. Yeah, and the more you understand that, I feel like it, we [00:42:00] need to break that cycle of, you know, that competitive women against women. I mean, it's just, okay, so think about like even Snow White, like mm-hmm. The way that we, you know, all the fairytales that we heard growing up, all these Disney princess stories of being rescued and like the beautiful princess against the old witch.

I mean, really, right.

No, yeah. No. Who wrote the storyline? Exactly, 

[00:42:27] Chanda Coston: exactly. Oh, golly. No, because I, I think the older me wants to see all the younger people that influence to win, right? And so, as a mother, I want nothing more than my children to outdo me, outshine me, outgrow me. Like all the things. My granddaughter, I'm like, I want her to be like in every way, like a hundred times better than me.

And it's like, so. Who wrote that storyline. 

[00:42:56] Penny Fitzgerald: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. We need to rewrite thosefairytales [00:43:00] and yeah. It's getting better, but yeah, slowly, very slowly. 

Yes. 

Can I switch gears on you just a little bit? Absolutely. Okay. Well, at the, at the end of my, um, heartfelt conversations, I love to turn it around to something fun like what's your favorite cocktail?

Or do you have a favorite glass of wine? 

[00:43:23] Chanda Coston: Mm. Favorite glass of wine. It's probably gonna be a Pinot Grigio. Mm, 

[00:43:29] Penny Fitzgerald: mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:43:31] Chanda Coston: Um, so I used to be a sailor, right? In my, oh, and there's a term you drink like a sailor. In my older days, I don't drink like that anymore, but in a long day, right? You just want a glass of wine.

Yes. Now these new wines, they're like three and 5% and they don't do the job Right. But a glass of Pinot Grigio is like 13 per less. Yeah. Right in the sweet [00:44:00] spot. And it's, yeah. And you just need one. Yeah, 

[00:44:03] Penny Fitzgerald: so 

[00:44:03] Chanda Coston: a nice chilled glass of Pinot Grigio Mm-hmm. Out on the porch when the sun is setting and the wind is gently blowing.

Oh, right before the cusp of fall, right? 

[00:44:15] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh yeah. You 

[00:44:16] Chanda Coston: still got a little bit of sun, but you got a great breeze, uhhuh, and like, you know what 

[00:44:23] Penny Fitzgerald: it's like life is good. Good you painted that picture so beautifully. I can just picture it. I have pictures. 

[00:44:30] Chanda Coston: Trust me, I take lot pictures. I love sunsets and I love sunrises.

Sunrises. Oh, nice. I'm grateful for another day and a sunset. I'm grateful to have seen another day. Mm. And so I take a lot of those. 

[00:44:43] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm, mm-hmm. Beautiful. Well, cheers to that. Absolutely. Okay. What's a favorite memory? Um, shared with friends. 

[00:44:53] Chanda Coston: Favorite memories shared with friends. I have lots of those too. Um, [00:45:00] okay.

So every, my grandson, every holiday we get together and match in pajamas and mm-hmm. Yeah. And we do games, et cetera, and karaoke and, yeah, we had a sing off. right after brunch as we were wrapping up, um, where we just kind of passed the mic. And for my kids, their favorite music is, um, the Temptations.

The movie. 

[00:45:27] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. 

[00:45:27] Chanda Coston: So they started with the, the whole line of songs and everybody's chiming in and everybody's doing a different dance and I love it. Yes. And so real big on family time making memories. Yeah. You gotta have something to hold on to. 

[00:45:45] Penny Fitzgerald: What's your favorite karaoke song? I was about to sing it. 

[00:45:49] Chanda Coston: Do it stone.

He laid his hat where his home. Yeah, but, but you have to imagine. [00:46:00] Love it. Everybody in their silk pajamas, some with short Oh yeah. Pants. And they're all doing the dances and yeah. So I got goosebumps, but almost every time we get together, Thanksgiving, Christmas, it's like out of nowhere. Someone's like, I'm gonna put the movie on, or I'm gonna get the karaoke machine, and then it leads down the road to, uh, end the show.

[00:46:22] Penny Fitzgerald: Love it. I feel a new tradition coming on. You can have it. You can have it. I'll start. Okay. Okay.

[00:46:29] Chanda Coston: No, I actually, as my kids who started that, I, um, they started watching that movie with my children when I was in the military and I was deploying, 

[00:46:36] Penny Fitzgerald: yeah. 

[00:46:37] Chanda Coston: Came home and they was like, mom, we gotta watch this movie.

We gotta show you this movie. And they, um, it was that in the five heartbeats, but they just stuck with the temptations for some reason. And so, like I said, we could be wrapping up on dinner. Wrapping up on game time and all of a sudden someone be like, I'm gonna put the movie on. Or, let's get the karaoke machine.

And next thing you know, they're like beating on the table. They're [00:47:00] dancing, they're ing the mic. They're, you know, changing out parts. They're doing a little dance. Like, I'm like, oh my gosh. But I would not trade it. 

[00:47:08] Penny Fitzgerald: That is so fun. 

[00:47:10] Chanda Coston: A long time. It is. It is. Everybody gets into it.

Nobody's shy or like, you know. No, you know, I believe God does all things well. I'm an introvert, believe it or not, and to have five children who are very outgoing, the synergy, it's just like. I'll have to send you a video, but I would love that my son plays the drums, so he's beating on the table and you know, the kids get into it and the adults are singing it and yeah, the girls are dancing.

I have four girls and one son, and so everybody's like engaged engrossed and it's a time. And it's, it's interesting that it never gets old and it always comes up and we always look the most of it. And I wouldn't trade it at all because it's like, wow, that's, that's like our jam. That sounds [00:48:00] magical. So, no, we're, we're trying to figure out Christmas right now.

Uh, Uhhuh my brother proposed, they came last year. So normally it's just me and the kids. My brother and my mom, my brother's fiance and, uh, son. They all came last year and he is like, we should go to the beach and do beach pictures, right? And bathing suits. Well, normally we do matching pajamas. So he was like, we go to the beach and do beach pictures, and I'm like.

Hmm. That would be different, but we haven't solidified it.

gotta figure it all out. Yeah. No. Mm-hmm. I'm the planner, so I'm, oh gosh. I'm not planning in this one though. Yeah. But no, 

[00:48:36] Penny Fitzgerald: um, 

[00:48:37] Chanda Coston: always a great time. 

[00:48:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, sounds amazing. 

[00:48:39] Chanda Coston: Yeah. 

[00:48:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Always a great time. Gosh. Okay. So is there anything that I haven't asked you that you would love to share? 

[00:48:48] Chanda Coston: No, not at all. I think we've had a very good conversation.

Um, it's been delightful. It has been. We've covered so much. Yeah. I appreciate you taking the time and for having me. I do. I appreciate [00:49:00] you. 

 Thank you. Yeah, 

Yeah, this has been a really good, um, refreshing conversation. They're not always. 

[00:49:08] Penny Fitzgerald: Well good. Well, thanks so much and have a wonderful rest of your day. You as well. Take care. Yeah, you too.

Bye 

bye.