How to Stay Open and Connected in a Guarded World with Tracey Elam

How do you stay open to people while still trusting your instincts?

In this week's conversation, Tracey Elam and I explore one of the biggest challenges many of us face: balancing discernment with connection.

We talk about the conditioning that shapes our beliefs, the ways fear can quietly influence our decisions, and why staying curious may be one of the most powerful tools we have for creating meaningful relationships.

While we don't see every topic exactly the same way, that's part of what makes this conversation so valuable. It's a reminder that we can stay open, ask questions, and learn from one another without abandoning our own inner knowing.

In This Episode:

• The difference between instinct and fear
 • How conditioning influences the way we see the world
 • Why assumptions often block genuine connection
 • The importance of curiosity in relationships
 • What it means to be fully present with another person
 • Being prepared versus living in fear
 • Learning to trust yourself without shutting others out

Key Topics

• Self-trust
 • Personal growth
 • Midlife mindset shifts
 • Connection and relationships
 • Curiosity and discernment
 • Fear versus intuition
 • Women rediscovering themselves

Connect with Tracey: https://www.instagram.com/iamtraceyelam/ 

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Transcript

How to Stay Open and Connected in a Guarded World with Tracey Elam

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[00:00:33] Penny Fitzgerald: Hello, my friend. Before we jump into today's conversation with Tracy Elam, I want to give you just a little bit of context. This conversation starts in a place that's a little different from where most of my episodes begin. Tracy has her own framework and language around creation, conditioning, instinct, and how we move through the world.

And I'll be honest, there were moments where I was listening and trying to understand in real time, and I [00:01:00] think that's part of why I wanted to share this conversation. Because we don't have to agree with every word someone says in order to stay curious. We can listen with an open heart and still use our discernment.

We can ask questions. We can look for the places where our beliefs overlap, and we can notice the parts that make us think, Hmm, what do I believe about that?" For me, the thread that felt most important in this conversation was this: how do you stay open, present, and connected without abandoning your own inner knowing?

Tracy and I talk about conditioning, instinct, the ways we protect ourselves, the difference between being prepared and being led by fear, and why real connection often asks us to drop our assumptions long enough to actually see another human being. So as you listen, I invite you to take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and stay curious.

Because sometimes the most interesting conversations are the [00:02:00] ones where we're not trying to prove a point. We're just trying to understand each other a little better. Here is Tracy Elam.

[00:02:07] Penny Fitzgerald: Tracy, thank you so much- Yeah ... for joining me today.it's great to meet you.

[00:02:12] Tracey Elam: Thank you for having me. 

[00:02:13] Penny Fitzgerald: I, absolutely. Um, for me, well, for my audience and for me, would you please tell us your name and a little bit about yourself and what you do? 

[00:02:22] Tracey Elam: My name is Tracy Elam, and I have taken the basically creation and mapped the structure of it.

I call it the human finger trap. Oh. You know the Chinese finger trap toy?

we try to change everything we can, whether that's the partner, the strategy, the doctor, the whatever. We try to change- Mm-hmm ... something and shift something out here, and the harder we strive to do that, the tighter that pulls,

So it's really learning how to align with the natural law and order instead of fighting- Mm-hmm ... and pulling [00:03:00] against it, and nature shows it to us. 

[00:03:03] Penny Fitzgerald: Hmm. It's really counterintuitive, though, to relax and let it happen. It is. Mm-hmm. 

[00:03:10] Tracey Elam: It definitely is. Um- 

[00:03:13] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:03:14] Tracey Elam: even when I started down this road myself and went, went from the dogma side to the spirituality side, right, the s- the spiritual- Mm-hmm

identity, even that kept me inside the finger trap because there was still a viewpoint of, well, the higher vibrations are better than the lower vibrations. The higher mind is better than the lower mind, when in fact they're actually all meant to help us navigate this plane. You can't navigate this planet without instinct, without that instinct to survive.

It would be very hard to navigate [00:04:00] a planet of nature without instinct. Anybody that has kids, you know, man or woman- Mm-hmm ... but especially women, we feel this. If there's something coming towards us and we get the instinctual sense of danger- Mm-hmm ... I want those instincts to c- to really kick in. I just don't want them leading my life.

Oh, no way. I don't want to be walking around like I feel like I'm under threat and under siege all the time. 

[00:04:28] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. Right. But that is- And I also want some accountability for that, you know, because I feel like a lot of that is conditioning because of experiences we've had or experiences- Yes ... our girlfriends have had or our sisters or our mothers.

[00:04:42] Tracey Elam: Mm-hmm. 

[00:04:43] Penny Fitzgerald: How did you make that shift? How did you... I mean, it s- it sounds very- 

[00:04:49] Tracey Elam: Years of trial and 

[00:04:51] Penny Fitzgerald: error Well, yeah.

[00:04:54] Tracey Elam: I mean, literally years of trial and error. Um, it, it wasn't [00:05:00] some overnight thing by any means, because the fact is being human and navigating the paradox is life It never goes away. It's not like one day you wake up and all of a sudden you are some master at, uh, doing this thing. 'Cause it's, it's always changing, right?

And you can't control other people. You can't. 

[00:05:30] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. 

[00:05:31] Tracey Elam: You can't control- You can't change them ... anything outside of you. You can't- No. 

[00:05:34] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. 

[00:05:36] Tracey Elam: And so what I had to do was just go, "Okay, in every moment-" Where is my focused core value? And if my focused core value creates the frame that something out here is messed up, I'm approaching every situation from that.

And as soon as I'm there, there is no [00:06:00] connection that can happen with another person because you're already on defense. You're literally coming to each situation in life from a defensive standpoint, guards up

true connection can't happen from that standpoint. It just can't. Yeah. And funny enough, usually the other party is coming from the same space. 

[00:06:21] Penny Fitzgerald: Of course, yeah. 

[00:06:23] Tracey Elam: So you get two guarded humans- 

[00:06:26] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:06:27] Tracey Elam: trying to co-create some kind of experience. Mm-hmm. But then it's like a double down on the guardedness, and then we wonder- Mm

why connection isn't simpler or easier or, you know, most people were still carrying around that as- that assumption, and it is literally the underpinning of everything we do. 

[00:06:51] Penny Fitzgerald: Hmm. Yeah, I feel like, um, for me, I need to... [00:07:00] It's really weird. I feel like some people I click with right away. You know, you get that vibe from them that, oh, they're my people.

You know? It's like this instant connection that you have, and you just feel free to share things. 

[00:07:12] Tracey Elam: Mm-hmm. 

[00:07:12] Penny Fitzgerald: And then other people, you get just a weird vibe an- for me, anyway. I'm looking, I'm thinking about, you know, just meeting someone. It takes a little bit of time to get to know someone enough to know, how much do I wanna share with them?

How much do I wanna collaborate with them? How connected do I wanna be to this person? Mm-hmm. And then sometimes people surprise you, right? Yeah. Good or bad. Mm-hmm. And you, you learn something about them, and you then put more guards up and you put more walls up. But, um, how do you, how do you navigate all of that?

[00:07:52] Tracey Elam: I have a technique that... Let me back up a minute. For me, the [00:08:00] definition of love is different than what we've been taught. 

[00:08:03] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay. Um- How do you define it? 

[00:08:07] Tracey Elam: I grew up, and they tell you, right, that creator, god, whatever it is people call it, believe in, whatever, that unconditional love- 

[00:08:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:08:18] Tracey Elam: is the thing, right?

Unconditional love. 

[00:08:21] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:08:22] Tracey Elam: Well, as I went through various forms and flavors of what I thought love was- 

[00:08:29] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:08:30] Tracey Elam: I ended up with a mentor, mm, probably 11 years ago, that gave me- Okay ... a different definition. 

[00:08:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay. 

[00:08:39] Tracey Elam: Love can't be unconditional unless it's a neutral space. Anything other than neutral is conditional.

[00:08:46] Penny Fitzgerald: Hmm. So like the environment you're talking about? Like being in an, in a neutral- 

[00:08:51] Tracey Elam: Yes, internally neutral. 

[00:08:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, okay. 

[00:08:56] Tracey Elam: If we're not in a neutral position, we're already in some kind of [00:09:00] projection

[00:09:01] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay. But if you don't know the person well enough to love them, you're not gonna be neutral if you already love them, right?

[00:09:13] Tracey Elam: So for me, the definition is neutrality because neutrality creates the space for change to happen 

[00:09:24] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay. What kind of change are you, are you, um, describing? 

[00:09:29] Tracey Elam: Can't, it cannot be conditional. So if you and I just met to have a conversation like we did today- 

[00:09:36] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:09:37] Tracey Elam: I've come to this space from a place of openness.

Mm-hmm. The conversation'll go wherever it goes. 

[00:09:44] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Curiosity. 

[00:09:47] Tracey Elam: So, yeah. Uh-huh. I made sure before I got on the call to make sure I wasn't up in my head with some kind of agenda or what I thought was gonna happen, [00:10:00] or- Mm-hmm ... what I... You know, I, I loved looking at your Instagram and seeing your creativity.

The wine trips and the wine tasting. What you cultivate for people to come together with. Mm. Thank you for that. I shared it with a few of my clients already. Yeah. And so that paints one picture, right? 

[00:10:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:21] Tracey Elam: But that doesn't mean I can't just take that picture and then bring it to the call and be like, "This is what this woman's about."

[00:10:27] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. It's not the entirety of me or this show. 

[00:10:33] Tracey Elam: Yeah. So it's just dropping preconceived notions. 

[00:10:37] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:10:38] Tracey Elam: Dropping any agenda over here. 

[00:10:41] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:10:42] Tracey Elam: And allowing people to actually come from a space of pure neutrality. It doesn't mean discernment is lacking. Okay. Discernment's never lacking. 

[00:10:52] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:53] Tracey Elam: But it's being open enough to witness and then just experience what is.

[00:10:58] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Being [00:11:00] present. 

[00:11:00] Tracey Elam: Being present. That's love. Yeah. Love and neutrality- Yeah ... and presence are the same thing. 

[00:11:06] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay. Okay. I think I just did not understand the, my definition of neutrality, I think I was not thinking the same way that you are, 'cause y- yeah to me, there's no greater gift you can give someone than to make them feel seen and heard, to really un- try and understand them, and to listen with your whole heart, you know, to really be present- Yeah

for that person. So that, that makes total sense to me, that that's the definition of love, 'cause you're, you're truly being there for another human. 

[00:11:39] Tracey Elam: Yeah. Neutral presence creating the space for change. We just can't be attached- Okay ... to what that change is. 

[00:11:45] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. '

[00:11:45] Tracey Elam: Cause we can't control- Right. ... other people, right?

So- Right ... you know, there's gonna be people in the space that we're like, okay, this is the change or this, the change in the moment that I'm experiencing and witnessing, and then at that point we have [00:12:00] discernment of what we decide to agree and participate in. 

[00:12:04] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:12:06] Tracey Elam: But it gets to be that simple, and it doesn't need a lotta judgment to make a decision.

One of the things I, I tell my clients is, you don't have to make another person wrong to make the decision for yourself. 

[00:12:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. 

[00:12:18] Tracey Elam: You can just make the decision. 

[00:12:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Right.

Right. Yeah, it, it's not, it's not winning or losing. You don't have to f- have a loser to have a win. 

[00:12:30] Tracey Elam: And that is part of the bigger picture of it. You know, we were conditioned in that there does have to be a winner and a loser. 

[00:12:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:12:39] Tracey Elam: Competition. 

[00:12:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:12:40] Tracey Elam: But the new domain is literally the trimple, the triple win.

I win, you win, we all win. Mm-hmm. But without that neutral presence and that true definition of love, that doesn't even get to happen. 

[00:12:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. '

[00:12:55] Tracey Elam: Cause then it's just the agendas competing for whatever the m- the [00:13:00] mind has got its target on. 

[00:13:01] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. Mm-hmm. It's really more heart and soul-led. 

[00:13:05] Tracey Elam: 100% Do you agree?

Yes. Yeah. 100%. Um, it, this thing leads, and then this is what we utilize to move in alignment with that thing. But most of us w- You're, 

[00:13:20] Penny Fitzgerald: you're saying your, for, if someone's listening, um, it's your heart that leads and then your mind has to catch up? Is that what you're saying? 

[00:13:29] Tracey Elam: Or we direct the mind where we want it to go.

Oh. The head will never g- catch up. 

[00:13:36] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Because the brain- The brain's not the boss. 

[00:13:37] Tracey Elam: No, the brain is not the boss. Um, my mentor told me one time, he said that, um, uh, "The brain is an amazing servant, but a horrible master." 

[00:13:49] Penny Fitzgerald: I love that. That's so... Yeah, I agree with that, because I to- I truly believe we are a soul with a body, not a body with a soul.

You know? 100%, yeah. It's our [00:14:00] soul that leads, and the, you know, the brain takes over to keep us safe. Mm-hmm. And we- Yes ... all this conditioning that we've got, but, um, yeah, it's not, it's not the boss. 

[00:14:11] Tracey Elam: No, not at all. Yeah. Um, but even in school, you know, we were conditioned to make this thing the superior part.

[00:14:22] Penny Fitzgerald: The brain. 

[00:14:22] Tracey Elam: It has its- Yeah ... place. It's great at ha- we need it. We need to habituate things. If we didn't- Yeah ... have the ability to habituate, we'd ha- we'd get up every morning and wonder- What do we do now? ... we'd have to relearn how to talk- ... and walk and eat and all the... We'd have to start over every single day.

Yeah. So every piece plays its part. We don't have to make an enemy out of any part of creation. Mm-hmm. It's just really understanding the structure, how it works, and then allowing it to operate in the law and order, the harmony that it's [00:15:00] actually set up for us to move in alignment with. Mm. And then, man, um, it doesn't mean- Mm

the challenges aren't there. The challenges do not go away. 

[00:15:12] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:15:13] Tracey Elam: They do not go away. But the way that we interact with our challenges changes greatly. 

[00:15:21] Penny Fitzgerald: How do you, how do you go from point A to point B? How do you get there? What, what's your process for unlearning some of these conditioning things? 

[00:15:33] Tracey Elam: Um, for me, it's what is point B for people.

[00:15:39] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. 

[00:15:39] Tracey Elam: And everybody has their own flavor of that point B. Like for me, ultimately I wanna ... My whole point of being alive is to connect with other people that are passionate about living. 

[00:15:53] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. 

[00:15:55] Tracey Elam: That, that's really my, my [00:16:00] point B, if you wanna call it. 

[00:16:02] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:02] Tracey Elam: Uh, so the only separation between feeling like that's not happening- 

[00:16:10] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm

[00:16:10] Tracey Elam: and then that actually being reality is just as simple as dissolving the viewpoint in between that it's really not that. Because it is, and it can happen in every moment of every day. But if I'm isolating at home believing that the world is messed up and I don't wanna go out there, or I don't wanna go to this event- Mm

because people wear me out, or- ... we have all these ... Oh, here's a good analogy. Have you ever ridden a bicycle or a dirt bike or something that you needed to really kind of balance on? 

[00:16:47] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, yeah. 

[00:16:49] Tracey Elam: Okay. 

[00:16:49] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Sometimes badly. 

[00:16:54] Tracey Elam: Whenever we're riding- Where does the bicycle go? 

[00:16:59] Penny Fitzgerald: [00:17:00] Forward, hopefully. 

[00:17:02] Tracey Elam: Hopefully. It, you, it's gonna go wherever we're looking.

[00:17:08] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, uh-huh. 

[00:17:10] Tracey Elam: So let's say I'm running down the beach and I wanna go to a pier. Well, my focal point is gonna be on the pier

Now, if I take my focal point off that pier- 

[00:17:27] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:17:28] Tracey Elam: and I put it right in front of me for every little seashell or sand dune or bird or whatever- 

[00:17:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:17:39] Tracey Elam: how difficult is it gonna be to get to that pier?

[00:17:43] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah, it's gonna take longer probably 

[00:17:45] Tracey Elam: It's gonna take a long time. 

[00:17:47] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:17:48] Tracey Elam: Um, for me, the dirt bike example is a little stronger just 'cause you got a lot more horsepower behind you. 

[00:17:54] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:17:55] Tracey Elam: When you ride motorcycles, you are going wherever you look fast, like [00:18:00] very fast. 

[00:18:00] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay. Uh-huh. 

[00:18:02] Tracey Elam: So if you're not keeping your focal point out on where you're going, if, if you look behind you, you're gone.

If you look at the gravel on the road, you're in the gravel on the road. And so what we have a tendency to do, instead of just focusing on allowing us to be ourselves, allow our creativity, our creative power to flow through our body unhindered, we focus on all these self-imposed assumptions that act like speed bumps or rocks in the road- Mm-hmm

twigs, whatever obstacle it would be and whatever analogy you wanna use- Mm-hmm ... we're focused more on that than we are just going on ahead and being in the creative being that we have been from the moment go. Hmm. 

[00:18:59] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. [00:19:00] Interesting. I, I, um- I have to get a lot of 

[00:19:02] Tracey Elam: limitations out of the way. 

[00:19:05] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Right.

Before. Right. We're, we are our own biggest obstacle, for sure. Yeah, I, you know, I struggle with that a little bit because through my life, through my corporate job that I had years and years and years ago, through my journey as an entrepreneur and as a leader of a team, I always tried to plan for contingencies.

So what if this happened? What if that happened? Yeah. So I'd have a plan A all the way through usually F, you know? And I would quite often get to a plan D and E and, you know, in order to be successful, that was, those were some of the things that, you know, if I had already planned for D and I had up to F, but we used D, I felt good about that.

Because if I'd only planned for A, and I'm going there no matter what, I'm going from point A to point B, [00:20:00] and not... I don't have a contingency plan, I don't, I don't know that I would've been as successful. 

[00:20:05] Tracey Elam: Well, we, the only thing I can speak from is in my own experience too- 

[00:20:13] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah ... for 

[00:20:14] Tracey Elam: being a business owner.

Uh-huh. 

[00:20:15] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:16] Tracey Elam: And when I've approached things from a risk mitigation standpoint- 

[00:20:22] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:20:23] Tracey Elam: I always created more of that thing, because my focus was on risk. 

[00:20:30] Penny Fitzgerald: Hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:32] Tracey Elam: Instead of trusting that my natural ability, no matter what happened, that that natural piece of us that is connected to the source of everything- Mm-hmm

is always gonna give us the highest and best answer. 

[00:20:48] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:20:50] Tracey Elam: But we default to this thing because we were taught that this thing has the answer. Mm-hmm. It does not. All it can do is come up with the things [00:21:00] it was taught and conditioned to. 

[00:21:02] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's, um... Yeah, I'm struggling with that a bit bec- I, I agree that we-

we bring about what we think about. You can order it up, you know, by thinking about something that's not what you want, by going off the path. The other side that I'm struggling with is knowing how many times that plan D saved me, you know? And I'm, I've had up to, you know, so many... And by saved me, I mean I met the goal, or I, the presentation came off without a hitch, and we were able to connect to the internet because I had that extra stick in my, in my briefcase- Yeah

on that trip. You know, all of those, those small decisions, those, those... You practice for every scenario, or I did. You practice for what if this happens or what if that happens? Well, this is what I would do. This is what I would do. And then, [00:22:00] and hopefully you never have to use that. So you still keep your eye on the prize, but I also always had these contingency plans.

So I guess I'm struggling with only having the plan A as a, as a way of moving through life. It just doesn't seem, um, listen to me, practical. I don't like that word. I don't like practical. But But I'm not sure how to translate that, you know what I mean? It's just really a conditioning thing I... 

[00:22:31] Tracey Elam: You know, and that's the thing.

There's nothing inherently wrong with any of it. 

[00:22:36] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:22:37] Tracey Elam: There's nothing wrong with contingencies. It's just knowing that t whatever we Participate in, in whatever shape or form 

[00:22:48] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm 

[00:22:48] Tracey Elam: has natural results. But it's not about any of it being good or bad or whatever, it's just this and this produces this

Universe, [00:23:00] infinite, whatever, it's neutral 

[00:23:02] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. 

[00:23:03] Tracey Elam: So it's just... But there are natural results to whatever we do, right? Now- 

[00:23:08] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh ... 

[00:23:08] Tracey Elam: if I'm gonna take a road trip, there's a difference between being prepared and just being naive. 

[00:23:15] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:23:17] Tracey Elam: Right? 

[00:23:18] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:23:18] Tracey Elam: Now- You gotta 

[00:23:19] Penny Fitzgerald: have a map ... 

[00:23:20] Tracey Elam: right. That being said, if I really wanted to give myself an experiment, and I've done this before.

I've really- Uh-huh ... tested it out. Sure, take off without anything. My son is really good at this. He is amazing at navigating life this way. He's 13. He's done it his whole life. You know? He can drive from other- I got 

[00:23:42] Penny Fitzgerald: the picture. Yeah. 

[00:23:45] Tracey Elam: That boy flies by the seat of his pants and trusts that everything... And I swear to you, it always shows up.

[00:23:53] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:23:54] Tracey Elam: It always shows up. So I like to test things out. [00:24:00] I don't like to- Mm ... just say one thing, think one thing, all of those law of attraction, all the spiritual stuff, all the dogma. I, I went full out and tested it all. Put myself- Mm-hmm ... in, in the midst of, "Okay, if this is the way this actually works, let's see."

Let's see. And then I had to stay- Mm-hmm ... with it long enough, right? Yeah. Stay with- To truly get it ... experiment long enough. 

[00:24:28] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

[00:24:30] Tracey Elam: And so one of the first ways I did that was with parking spots.

I get rockstar parking. 

[00:24:36] Penny Fitzgerald: So practical. 

[00:24:37] Tracey Elam: Yeah. And I have... Like, there's, there's a knowing now. It's not a belief- Uh-huh ... it's just a knowing. I don't even worry about it or second-guess it or whatever. Mm-hmm. That is the reality. Not because I need a great parking spot, but it was just some- I was like, "Okay, I have to experiment with something."

Mm-hmm. And then I did it with dirt bikes. I've ridden [00:25:00] dirt bikes a while, and I was like, "Okay, let me do this. I know this with dirt bikes to the degree that I do, but let me really test it out." And yeah, you focus on the bumps, y- you end up off the bike. 

[00:25:16] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, ouch. 

[00:25:18] Tracey Elam: You end up off the bike in the bumps, right?

Mm-hmm. Because that's the- Yeah ... that's the focus. But like I said, I have a blue-collar husband. I grew up blue-collar. That man is prepared for everything. It's awesome. But it's not actually from the viewpoint that something is specifically gonna go one way or another. 

[00:25:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Right. 

[00:25:40] Tracey Elam: It's just a reality of we are traveling here.

Let's make sure the jack, we've got the zip ties- Yeah ... we've got the... Oh, what's the tire stuff? Um, 

[00:25:53] Penny Fitzgerald: in case- Like a jack and an iron and- 

[00:25:54] Tracey Elam: Yeah, and the- Yeah, gauge and- ... the tire filler in case you get a flat tire and you gotta- 

[00:25:58] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, yeah ... 

[00:25:59] Tracey Elam: fix a flat. 

[00:25:59] Penny Fitzgerald: [00:26:00] Yeah, the air, air compressor Fix a flat. Yeah. 

[00:26:02] Tracey Elam: Um, you know, it's, so it's not about being naive.

Mm-hmm. But if you really wanna test it out, you can absolutely- Mm ... just throw yourself into it- Mm-hmm ... and allow this natural ability, and now allow your intuition- 

[00:26:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh ... 

[00:26:20] Tracey Elam: to tap into whatever is needed in the moment. It's possible. And it will. Mm-hmm. It will every single time. 

[00:26:28] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:26:28] Tracey Elam: And 

[00:26:29] Penny Fitzgerald: it will deliver- We are resilient.

[00:26:30] Tracey Elam: Yes. It will deliver things in a way that you would've neverly mentally thought it was gonna come. 

[00:26:36] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:26:37] Tracey Elam: Yeah. 

[00:26:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Tracy, can I switch gears on you? 

[00:26:42] Tracey Elam: 100%. 

[00:26:42] Penny Fitzgerald: Awesome. Well, I, you know I love to bring the conversation around and celebrate the, the discussion that we've had, the chat that we've had with a cocktail. What's your favorite cocktail or glass of wine? Oh, what you got in there?

[00:26:56] Tracey Elam: I have prosecco in here because- Amazing ... you are [00:27:00] my maiden voyage 

[00:27:03] Penny Fitzgerald: podcast. Seriously? 

[00:27:05] Tracey Elam: You're my first, and so I made- Oh ... sure I went and got myself some prosecco. 

[00:27:11] Penny Fitzgerald: Well, cheers to that. I'm sorry, I just have water in here, but I will toast to you later with my prosecco. Cheers.

Wow, that's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah Congratulations. H- Thank 

[00:27:22] Tracey Elam: you.

[00:27:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Have you got a few more coming? Have you got, you have some on the books? 

[00:27:28] Tracey Elam: Um, I do. Yes. I have a gentleman- Good ... who handles all that for me so I can just focus on my things. But, um- Yeah ... yeah, it was, I was really excited to do this, and I listened to some of your podcasts, and I just- Aw ... I really truly do love your idea of your community around what you do.

I was like, I'm so looking forward to this. 

[00:27:50] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, thank you. 

[00:27:52] Tracey Elam: I could sense that you already were used to holding a space for openness of co-creation- Mm-hmm ... with other humans, and doing it- 

[00:27:58] Penny Fitzgerald: Absolutely ... 

[00:27:59] Tracey Elam: with people you've never [00:28:00] met before, 'cause they'll just pop up to a wine event, right? 

[00:28:03] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Wine brings people together.

[00:28:06] Tracey Elam: Yeah. Um, so yeah. Uh, but as far as favorite cocktails, I'm a tequila gal. 

[00:28:12] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh. 

[00:28:13] Tracey Elam: I'm a big tequila too. I'm a tequila gal. Yeah. 

[00:28:16] Penny Fitzgerald: What, do, okay, do you like just a blanco? Do you like some, you know, reposado, or w- what's your favorite? 

[00:28:22] Tracey Elam: I like a little bit of all of it really. Um- Okay. I like it on the rocks. 

[00:28:27] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, nice.

Yes. 

[00:28:28] Tracey Elam: And I just like it straight up. Little lime? I don't like anything in it. Nope, just straight. 

[00:28:33] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, okay. 

[00:28:34] Tracey Elam: And I like to sip it like a dinner drink. 

[00:28:37] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yep. 

[00:28:38] Tracey Elam: I love the feel of it and the taste of it. 

[00:28:41] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm. 

[00:28:42] Tracey Elam: And I just, I just savor it. Now in my younger years- Yeah. ... I'm sure like a lot of people, I have my own experiences with it.

[00:28:50] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. 

[00:28:51] Tracey Elam: Yeah. But I, but I came around years later, um, I came back to it. And, um, uh, let's see, I've [00:29:00] got some 1942 sitting up there, and some Cazadores- Mm ... um, sitting up there on my shelf right now. But, um, of course I prefer- Uh-huh ... the higher end if I'm gonna drink it straight up for fun. Well, 

[00:29:10] Penny Fitzgerald: yeah.

[00:29:13] Tracey Elam: Um, but I really, I do, I like it because it's also- It feels lighter in my system Yeah If you're not shooting it, it's a very light drink. 

[00:29:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah, yeah. Shooting is, yeah. Those days for me are done, I think. 

[00:29:31] Tracey Elam: I couldn't tell you the last time I shot some kind of alcohol.

Um, but yeah, it's, uh, it's very light in the body. Um- Yeah ... prosecco is very light in the body. I- Yeah ... e- I even, I like gin. I like the lightness. So I'm a more of a, a light drink. I do like- Uh-huh ... spicy. 

[00:29:53] Penny Fitzgerald: Okay, 

[00:29:54] Tracey Elam: cool. I do like a little savory. 

[00:29:56] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:29:56] Tracey Elam: Um, I don't like a whole lot of sweet. Um- 

[00:29:58] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah, same ... [00:30:00] 

[00:30:00] Tracey Elam: yeah.

Preferably fresh ingredients, not the syrups. 

[00:30:04] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. 

[00:30:05] Tracey Elam: Not the, the- 

[00:30:05] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah, me too. Me too ... fresh ingredients. Yeah. I agree. I love that. Yeah. So what's a fun experience that you've had with girlfriends over a nice sip of tequila? Can you think of, um, a fun time? 

[00:30:20] Tracey Elam: Plenty, yeah. Um, a girlfriend of mine and I, we actually used to go to Vegas quite a bit in a previous career I had years and years ago.

And we... There's a bar in Vegas called the Chandelier Bar. It's at the Cosmopolitan, and that was our favorite place to go. 

[00:30:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:30:40] Tracey Elam: And we would go up there, and the bartenders knew us, and we would sit up there and taste different tequilas, and sit up there and just savor it, and look at the chandelier, 'cause you're literally inside- Oh, nice

the chandelier. I don't know if you've ever been there, but- I don't 

[00:30:56] Penny Fitzgerald: think so. I mean, I think I would remember that probably. 

[00:30:59] Tracey Elam: [00:31:00] Yeah. It's really- 

[00:31:00] Penny Fitzgerald: Unless I was drinking too much. 

[00:31:03] Tracey Elam: It's got multiple floors inside- Okay ... of the chandelier, and there's a bar on each floor. Oh, 

[00:31:07] Penny Fitzgerald: my goodness. Oh. 

[00:31:09] Tracey Elam: And so we actually went there quite a bit, four or five times a year.

Oh, wow. And, um, we would just sit there and meet people. 

[00:31:19] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, people watching in Vegas is top-notch. 

[00:31:22] Tracey Elam: Yes. And just meet some of the most incredible... I mean, hear people's stories- 

[00:31:30] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah ... 

[00:31:31] Tracey Elam: and where they're from and what their culture is like. Uh-huh. So that was one of our favorite things to do was just get up there- Oh

and talk to- Meet new 

[00:31:39] Penny Fitzgerald: friends ... 

[00:31:40] Tracey Elam: strangers. Mm-hmm. 

[00:31:41] Penny Fitzgerald: What, what's the most memorable thing you heard from one of those strangers that you met up there? 

[00:31:48] Tracey Elam: Oh, there was one gentleman we met, and he was from India, and his whole family was there. And they were farmers, but- 

[00:31:57] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh ... 

[00:31:58] Tracey Elam: their far- [00:32:00] their farming felt a little different than our farming here.

[00:32:03] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, I'm sure it'd have to be, yeah. 

[00:32:05] Tracey Elam: Mm-hmm. But, um, he was talking about the, the trees that they grew. And- Hmm ... as he painted that picture of their farm- Uh-huh ... I was just like, "That sounds like heaven." I- Oh, wow ... I'm from the South, and our, our farms are pretty, don't get me wrong. 

[00:32:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:32:26] Tracey Elam: But tobacco farming, cotton farming, corn- Yeah

those are a little bit different, um- Yeah ... products, right? 

[00:32:35] Penny Fitzgerald: Yep. 

[00:32:35] Tracey Elam: But fruit trees and spices and- 

[00:32:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Oh, wow. 

[00:32:40] Tracey Elam: Yeah ... that was so neat to hear about, and the way they did it. And- 

[00:32:43] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm ... 

[00:32:44] Tracey Elam: the foods they cook. And- Mm-hmm ... it was just... There was this literal and extra aliveness to it- Mm-hmm In America, we don't necessarily...

The way they cook with spices, I, I was just like, "I don't even know what those spices [00:33:00] are or- Yeah ... how you would put those together." We're kind of like a salt, pepper, garlic deal. You know, those are kind of the basic staples. 

[00:33:10] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh. 

[00:33:10] Tracey Elam: But I mean, saffron and- Mm ... cumin and turmeric and all these things that- 

[00:33:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah ... 

[00:33:18] Tracey Elam: I could use, but not a lot.

[00:33:21] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. 

[00:33:21] Tracey Elam: I would never... So that was just, that opened me up in another- 

[00:33:26] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah ... 

[00:33:27] Tracey Elam: whole other way. 

[00:33:29] Penny Fitzgerald: I love that. I, I feel like traveling and talking to people from other cultures, it just really opens you up to new experiences and new- Yeah ... new things. 

[00:33:40] Tracey Elam: Absolutely. 

[00:33:40] Penny Fitzgerald: Love that. I love learning about different cultures and different, different ways of doing things.

[00:33:45] Tracey Elam: Mm-hmm. 

[00:33:45] Penny Fitzgerald: Not that I'll choose that forever, but but you know, I'll learn about it. You have a choice. Yeah. Right. Yeah, you have a choice. If you don't know about it, it's not really a choice. 

[00:33:56] Tracey Elam: Mm-hmm. Y- 

[00:33:56] Penny Fitzgerald: you're choosing not to by default. [00:34:00] 

[00:34:00] Tracey Elam: I've been loving these, I don't know if you've seen them, but, and it would be the same for us going over to Europe, but these Europeans that are over here for the World Cup.

[00:34:10] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. 

[00:34:11] Tracey Elam: I- Yeah, 

[00:34:12] Penny Fitzgerald: how fun is that? 

[00:34:14] Tracey Elam: I'm just really loving- 

[00:34:16] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm ... 

[00:34:17] Tracey Elam: how many Europeans are sharing their fresh perspective of coming to this country for the first time. 

And experiencing the humans and Americans from that perspective, 

I have just loved them sharing their experiences. Mm. And them sharing that truly at the end of the day- 

[00:34:38] Penny Fitzgerald: Uh-huh ... 

[00:34:40] Tracey Elam: humans are incredible people. 

It's like watching a little kid see s- see something for the first time, right? 

[00:34:46] Penny Fitzgerald: Yes. Yep, yep. 

[00:34:47] Tracey Elam: You know, I remember watching my children when they were teeny tiny And everything came from a wonderment.

Mm. 

[00:34:56] Penny Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. 

[00:34:57] Tracey Elam: We can get so jaded- 

that [00:35:00] we take our daily lives and we totally- Mm-hmm ... deny the wonderment that is actually here in every moment. 

[00:35:06] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. It just comes back to that staying open, staying curious. Mm-hmm. 

[00:35:13] Tracey Elam: Yeah. So I've been loving- Look for the good ... watching the connections happen from it. 

[00:35:17] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah.

It's, it's pretty 

[00:35:17] Tracey Elam: cool. It's, 

[00:35:17] Penny Fitzgerald: it, 

[00:35:18] Tracey Elam: it's been fun to watch. 

[00:35:20] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yeah, very cool. Love that. 

[00:35:23] Tracey Elam: Yeah. 

[00:35:25] Penny Fitzgerald: Tracy, this has been so interesting. I appreciate you being here, and I'm, I'm grateful to be your first host. 

[00:35:32] Tracey Elam: Thank you so much for having me. 

[00:35:34] Penny Fitzgerald: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and good luck with your future podcasts and getting the word out there about what you do.

[00:35:41] Tracey Elam: Thank you. Thank you. 

[00:35:42] Penny Fitzgerald: Have a great rest of your day. 

[00:35:44] Tracey Elam: Thank you. You too. 

[00:35:46] Penny Fitzgerald: Bye. 

[00:35:47] Tracey Elam: Bye.