The Confident Musicianing Podcast
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The Confident Musicianing Podcast
How I Felt Energised After My Exam Resit
It took me by surprise, but I actually felt energised after taking my resit technical exam at my conservatoire. How? Let's talk about it.
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Hello and welcome to the Confident Musicianing Podcast. My name is Eleanor and I am a British American oboist studying at the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland literally my dream school and it took me a long way to get there. I applied and auditioned for 12 schools in three different countries. It was a lot of hard work but, oh my gosh, so worth it. I want you to have the confidence to work hard in achieving your goals, so come with me as we go on this journey together. So sit down, pull up a chair, take a seat or, if you're on the go, welcome to the Confident Musicianing Podcast.
Speaker 1:During my first year at music school, I had two midterm technical exams, one that I failed and then one a few months later. That was my reset that I passed, which I'm very excited about. I, like, have recently passed it, so it's still very exciting. And after the reset exam, I realized something that honestly surprised me I felt energized. I felt energized. I literally that day I was talking with a friend and I was saying like I am so excited for the summer. I cannot wait to like, because I have some ideas about, like the podcast and also some other things that I am very excited to share with you guys and I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, I have so many ideas, so many like. I just felt so creative, I felt so inspired and excited and I just felt energized. And I was like, how could I be energized after an exam you know what I mean? A very, very important exam, one that I really needed to pass and I like I mean don't get me wrong, I was also tired, but I was still energized and I realized that the reason why I was energized was because I took the RISA exam with a whole different approach than I did the original exam, and I am so grateful that I was able to do that. And so today I am hoping to kind of just compare and contrast these two exams, because I approach them in so different ways, like such different ways, and I think it's important to just take a step back and to look at it and to see. Because I think it's important to just take a step back and to look at it and to see, because I think it's so easy to do what I did in the first exam so easy and the second way that I did the exam in the reset was honestly more stressful because I wasn't sure if it was going to properly work. But I, I trusted the process and it worked. So let's dive into exam one versus exam two, what I did differently and how it worked and versus how it didn't work.
Speaker 1:Okay, so exam one, exam one was at the beginning of the year and I'm going to be honest, I'm going to be a bit vulnerable. I was struggling mentally Like I really be a bit vulnerable. I was struggling mentally like I really I was in, I was in a bit of a low mentally and I didn't listen to myself when I knew that I had it, when I knew that I had to take a break, when I knew that I had to be kinder to myself, because if I took a break I would realize just how much I'm struggling mentally. So what did I do? I distracted myself. I distracted myself with practicing and so I just locked myself up into a practice room and just went and went and went and went at practicing and I mean I was really solid practicing, like I, you know, I knew my extracts, I knew, you know, I, I knew the stuff, but I didn't actually take care of myself and what I needed at the time. So I ended up not being prepared in myself.
Speaker 1:I took care of the oboe, I did not take care of the oboist, and so when the when the you know, when I actually got to the exam, the oboist was not ready. The oboist was burnt out, was tired, was not able to give um, to give a, to give a good exam to the best of her abilities. And so during that exam I I honestly forgot everything, like not everything, but especially like there was one specific part of the exam that just it went whoosh over my head and I just completely like forgot things and it it honestly took me as like on such a surprise and such a shock. I was so surprised. I was like I thought I was ready, but the thing is, when I thought I was ready, but the thing is, when I thought I was ready, it was because the oboe was ready, right, but the oboist was not ready. I did not take care of myself, I did not take care of myself. I remember the day before that exam I did like a mock-ish exam with friends and that was great. But looking back on it, I have a feeling that I probably should have done that exam, mock exam, a bit earlier and, you know, kind of tapered off my practice so I could rest.
Speaker 1:I think after that mock exam, I went home and I kept practicing, like, honestly, I just kind of kept going and going and going until it was actually time, and then, when it was actually time, I had nothing left to give and so after that exam, I was drained. It's interesting, I think I knew that I failed. You know which is the most icky, yucky feeling you could feel, honestly, with this. I I, because I, you know, put a lot of my although life on the internet. I films myself after my exam and you can just tell by my facial expressions like I knew, I knew that I did not do well, I knew that I failed, I knew that this, this wasn't, you know, good enough I'm, I just knew it. You could see it in my face, which is so heartbreaking, honestly. And after that exam, I was so drained, I had no desire to do anything, honestly anything. And when I got the news about my exam, I just was devastated. I was just devastated, honestly.
Speaker 1:Um, I like, I, I actually like got a migraine that night Cause I was just so I think my mind, I think my body was so not taken care of. Right, I didn't take care of my mental. I think my body was so not taken care of, right, I didn't take care of my mental health at all, and so, you know, when it got that news, it was like it felt like it needed to kind of, you know, shut down almost, so it gave me a migraine. So then I had to, you know, I mean, so it was kind of really stressed out, um yeah, which I don't recommend. I'm telling you, I really don't recommend it. I think for us, especially as musicians, there is kind of a sense of safety in the practice room. If I practice enough, if I keep practicing, then I'm gonna be okay. But in actuality I wasn't okay. I just neglected my needs. So that's exam one. Let's move on to exam two.
Speaker 1:Exam two was completely different and I did a few things and I think I want to break down these things in other episodes, episodes coming up. I'm planning on breaking down these specific things because there's so much that I did. But the first advantage, I feel, was I already knew the rep, I already knew the repertoire. I just kind of got it back out and polished it off, and so that was. That was good. But I practiced it in a different way as well.
Speaker 1:I think I think there was a lot less stress in the practice session. I think that that is something that's really helpful. I had a friend tell me you know, maybe don't put so much stress on your practice, just practice. Don't put so much pressure on your practice in every session, because every session is different. If you put pressure on every session, then that's not going to help. I remember, literally a few days before my exam, I had a really bad run through and I was in a in a better place mentally. So I was like you know what? That's really great. We got the bad run through out and now we can just focus on the good ones. Um, but yeah, don't like not putting as much pressure on every single thing to be okay, cause practice in its nature is not supposed to be perfect. That's why it's called practice. Um, yeah, so I. So that's kind of how I prepared.
Speaker 1:And then the week before, um, the most important thing was my mental health. Honestly, the most important thing was my mental health. I, in terms of like content and stuff, I I kind of had things planned, so I didn't necessarily have to work myself a lot. I went for walks, I took time off, I did hobbies, I hung out with friends, I focused on staying in the moment as well, and I think that was really helpful. I had kind of a plan with my teacher where we took the few days before the exam and really kind of planned out what I was going to do, whether I was going to do run-throughs, whether I was going to focus on specific parts of what I needed to do, whether maybe I wasn't going to play much at all, and that was really helpful. And it was really interesting as well, because two days before my exam I realized the plan that my teacher and I came up with wasn't actually going to be good. He wanted me to do something the day before that. Honestly, I was like, if I do that the day before, it's going to be too much, and so I texted him and I was like actually, can we change the plan? And he was like yes, totally, if you feel like you need to change the plan, change the plan. It it is your plan. You know. Listen to yourself, be kind to yourself. That is so, so, so important, I think as well.
Speaker 1:I spoke like with other students as well. I mean, I put it on the internet. That was a big thing that I did. I put the fact that I failed on the internet and I got so many amazing messages. I felt so supported by you guys, like honestly, to every single one of you who sent me an amazing message or just a message like I think they're all amazing. Honestly, I am so grateful, so, so, so grateful. It's really amazing. Yeah, they were so amazing and I felt more supported like the like my friends, you know, in real, like in my, in my life at the conservatoire. I they, they were so helpful as well. You know, I had friends who who would like help me with run-throughs and things like that, which was like so amazing. I am so grateful, honestly, so, so, so grateful, and that support was so important to me.
Speaker 1:And then, before the exam, I did something called visualization, which I think I just did an episode on. So if you want to see that episode, I'll put it in the description, in the show notes and basically how to do visualization. It is so helpful. Basically, you visualize you doing well, it going well, how you feel about it. Right, you visualize how you want to feel about it and that can really help you. You know, feel good about it when it actually happens.
Speaker 1:And I did that a lot. I did a lot of visualization. I did a mock exam in the actual room. That was like two weeks before. That was really, really helpful as well. And then, because I took care of myself, because I took care of my mental health, I was able to see this exam as something for what it was. It was just 15 to 20 minutes of me in a room playing for people, you know, and showing them how far I've grown, and that was so important to me, and so that's what I did and, oh my gosh, it was so much better.
Speaker 1:And afterwards I was so excited. I was so excited because I knew I mean, obviously you don't know if you pass or fail in the moment, but I knew that I did the best that I could and I was so proud of that, and so I was able to see that and to do that, and I was so energized and excited. And now I feel like, okay, I can do this, I don't feel burnt out, I don't feel burnt out. I don't feel burnt out, woo, it's so exciting. And so that's really important, I think when we do our exams, when we do our auditions, trusting in the process, trusting in the process, because sometimes the process is a bit stressful we're like, oh, will that actually work? Will that be okay If we trust in it? You know, even if it doesn't feel like as like safe safest, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like like, when we think of practicing, especially in the first time around, I was like, okay, I don't, I feel nervous about this exam, so I'm just going to practice and practice and practice and practice and practice. That didn't help me. When I was the second time around, I was like, okay, I feel nervous about this exam, I'm going to meditate, I'm going to visualize, I'm going to chat with a friend and go for a walk, you know. And, yes, I'm going to do my oboe practice today, but that oboe practice is not going to be full of stress, it's going to be full of excitement and, and you know, fun. You know because I have already dealt with the, with the feelings of nerves. So, and then, of course, like, the nerves were always kind of there, but like being okay with them being like okay, nerves are normal, nerves are normal.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, um, the first exam, I put the oboe first, not the oboist, and the second, I put the oboist first and that was, you know, the result was I was not even close to burnt out. The second time I wasn't burnt out at all. Really Like um, yeah, it was really good. Like um, yeah, it was really good I was. I'm really grateful for that.
Speaker 1:So I think, when we go and do our exams and our auditions, um, like, it is so important to look at it with, with gentleness and with kindness, and I hope that this episode helps you in whatever you're working towards, to realize that you know, gentleness, kindness, softness is the way forward. Honestly, because what's the most important part of this whole thing? The musician, the musician, and so we need to take care of ourselves. And, honestly, I feel like in my next practice or in my next audition and you know, exams I'll probably listen to this episode, not going to um, I would. That was one of the other things.
Speaker 1:The second time around I started, I listened to some episodes of this podcast because, um, yeah, because, because it helped me as well. So, anyway, yeah, um, one of the things just to like, touch on this because it was was really helpful, one of the things that have helped me in my practice, and to also know that I have finished practicing so that I can go do fun things is planning my practice, and one of the ways that I plan my practice is with a notable practice journal. As, like, this notable practice journal has been so helpful for me in not only planning my practice but also looking back and reflecting. There are reflection questions so that we can or that you know, we can like know what worked and what didn't work, and continue to grow. And yeah, so this, this journal, has been really helpful for me, and as soon as I realized that it has been helpful, I knew that I needed to give you a code and tell you about it. So use code Eleanor15 for 15% off your journal. That is, e-l-e-a-n-o-r-1-5 for 15% off your journal and go get yourself a notable practice journal and plan those practice sessions. It can be so helpful when getting a good, effective session. The link is in the description, in the show notes, so make sure you go check that out and use the code. You know me, I do not recommend anything that I don't absolutely love. This code is an affiliate code, so I do receive a commission with no extra cost to you.
Speaker 1:All right, I feel like usually I do a recap, but I'm not sure how to recap this Exam one. I was struggling mentally, so I distracted myself with practicing. I focused on the oboe rather than the oboist. I, you know, just kind of bulldozed it through. So then when I got there, I was burnt out. And then I was burnt out after Not ideal.
Speaker 1:The second time. I learned from my mistakes. I did visualization, I did meditation, I focused on what I needed. You know, I tapered off my practice before the exam. I talked to my teacher about this, because I feel like everyone's different, you know. Some people might want to taper their practice off before the exam, other people maybe it's more effective not to. So I talked to my teacher and I I did an exam that was full of joy and I'm so proud of myself for it.
Speaker 1:Honestly, um, yeah, and I am sending you the biggest, biggest just I don't know what's the word the biggest gift of encouragement. There we go, the biggest gift of encouragement of whatever you are doing in your musical journey, whether that's exams, auditions, performances, even just difficult practice sessions. I'm sending all of this encouragement to you and I hope that you have, you know, the next practice session of joy and courage. And, yeah, if you enjoyed this episode, please do give it a like, a share, a subscribe, a comment, a follow, whatever it is. Share it with all of your musical friends and, yeah, I will see you in the next episode. All right, take care, bye.
