If you've ever found yourself drained by the constant demands of extended family, then you know the importance of boundaries in relationships. In a lively and insightful discussion, my wife Jennifer and I delve into the humorous side of parenting our six children and the serious side of setting boundaries in our relationships. We share our funny stories, experiences and lessons learned to guide you in setting your own emotional and time boundaries with family members, so you never have to feel emotionally drained or unable to fulfill your God-given responsibilities to your own family.
Have you ever wondered how to maintain spiritual boundaries in your marriage? As we navigate through the complex waters of boundary setting, we lay emphasis on the crucial role of open communication with your spouse, and the importance of constant re-evaluation of these boundaries as your marriage evolves. This candid conversation is not just about setting boundaries with family and friends, but also about ensuring that prayer time and reading scripture remain a top priority in your marriage.
In the final stage of our discussion, we tackle the intricate web of setting boundaries with extended family and friends. We stress the vital need for agreement with your spouse before venturing into these tricky conversations, and the indispensable role of communication in a healthy marriage. As part of our commitment to your relational success, we wrap up the episode with prayers for those in relationships and marriages, encouraging you to have the strength to set and reaffirm boundaries. Join us on this boundary-setting journey, and witness firsthand how love truly works.
If you've ever found yourself drained by the constant demands of extended family, then you know the importance of boundaries in relationships. In a lively and insightful discussion, my wife Jennifer and I delve into the humorous side of parenting our six children and the serious side of setting boundaries in our relationships. We share our funny stories, experiences and lessons learned to guide you in setting your own emotional and time boundaries with family members, so you never have to feel emotionally drained or unable to fulfill your God-given responsibilities to your own family.
Have you ever wondered how to maintain spiritual boundaries in your marriage? As we navigate through the complex waters of boundary setting, we lay emphasis on the crucial role of open communication with your spouse, and the importance of constant re-evaluation of these boundaries as your marriage evolves. This candid conversation is not just about setting boundaries with family and friends, but also about ensuring that prayer time and reading scripture remain a top priority in your marriage.
In the final stage of our discussion, we tackle the intricate web of setting boundaries with extended family and friends. We stress the vital need for agreement with your spouse before venturing into these tricky conversations, and the indispensable role of communication in a healthy marriage. As part of our commitment to your relational success, we wrap up the episode with prayers for those in relationships and marriages, encouraging you to have the strength to set and reaffirm boundaries. Join us on this boundary-setting journey, and witness firsthand how love truly works.
Welcome to the Love Works podcast. My name is Chris Duncan, and my wife, jennifer and I are marriage coaches and ministers in our local church. We've been married for over 20 years and have six wonderful children. Over the years, we've experienced infertility, miscarriages, become parents, had career changes, fostered children and adopted triplets, which, among many other life experiences, have helped to shape us, our marriage and our family. We hope to share some of the things we've learned to help others with their journey to have a successful marriage and a strong family, while keeping a focus on our faith as a guide. Thanks for listening and, as always, remember Love Works. So let's get to work.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the Love Works podcast. My name is Chris Duncan and this is my beautiful wife, jennifer Duncan, and we are so honored to have you here with us today. So a little bit of housekeeping. Please subscribe on Spotify, apple Podcast, apple Music or Apple Music, amazon Music. And now we're on YouTube. No video just yet, but the audio is there, so I know some folks like to listen to podcasts on YouTube, so you have an opportunity to subscribe there. Also, wherever you're listening, wherever you enjoy your podcasts, please just remember to subscribe, rate and share. Subscribe, rate and share because that does help with the algorithm for people to find our podcast. Unless you don't like it, don't share, that's, you know.
Speaker 1:Like just kidding, we want it all. We want all the feedback. We want it all and, as always, if you have any questions or topics that you'd like us to discuss, we have a couple ways to reach us. You can call us at 747-322-1089 and leave a voicemail, or you can text that same number, 747-322-1089, or you can email the podcast at LoveWorksPodcastsatgmailcom. That's LoveWorksPodcastsatgmailcom. Any of your questions or topics will stay anonymous with us. We will not share your name. We will not blast you on the podcast. So the six people that are listening I know we started with 10, but some have fallen off Going- backwards now.
Speaker 1:Going backwards, no, but thank you for joining us on episode number four. Episode number four is kind of exciting, so, all right, take it away, jen.
Speaker 2:All right, we're going to go into our next segment, and this segment is called what's that? For those of you who don't know us, we have six children ranging from the ages of 16 all the way down to one year old, and our one year old, asher. His word or words, I guess he kind of combines into one is what's that? Everything is what's that, what's that, what's that? So, all day long he points at every single thing and asks us what's that? 100 times. So we're going to tell you a little bit about what goes on in the Duncan household on a daily basis and give you some stories that hopefully you'll enjoy along the way in our what's that segment. So what's your what's that for this week, chris?
Speaker 1:My what's that happened with Quinn, quinn and Grayson and I Grayson is our 13 year old we're driving and Quinn is one of our six year old triplets Little girls, we have triplet girls. So we're driving to church the other night and Quinn, whenever it's just us me and her in the car and maybe one of her other siblings as long as her sisters aren't there, she can steal the show and ask all kinds of crazy questions. So we're driving and she's like dad, god created everything, right? I'm like yep, and she's like and God is everywhere, right? I said he is.
Speaker 1:She's like so how big is he? And I'm like how big is he? What do you mean? Like, how much does he weigh? She's like yeah, like, can I pick him up? I'm like I don't know. Quinn, that's a good question. I said why, when you get to heaven, you're going to go up and try to pick up God? And she's like yes, I am right, when I get there, I'm going to go right to God and say how big are you? And I'm going to try to pick him up. So we just started laughing about that. So that's my what's that for the day.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So most of our what's that's will definitely revolve around the triplets, because they tend to be a little bit more crazy than the rest of our kids.
Speaker 2:Mine actually happened a couple weeks ago, and it was Harper this time. The girls have a bad habit of leaving all their shoes on our stairs, so I'm always constantly telling them take your shoes up, take your shoes up, take your shoes up. So it was Harper's turn to take the shoes up and I said Harper, you guys, you need to take your shoes upstairs. And so she's like okay, mom, okay, I got it. I got it. So I walked over and I don't know I was with the baby or something and I come back over and she had taken each pair of their shoes and put one on each step and taken a permanent marker and written on the wall their names above where their shoes were, and she was very proud of herself that she had organized it. And she told me now she doesn't have to put them up in her room because now they have a spot on the stairs and everyone knows where their shoes go.
Speaker 1:Makes perfect sense. I'm going to go write my name on the stairs and put some shoes there.
Speaker 2:Yes, it was fun.
Speaker 1:And, of course, permanent marker. Couldn't it be washable? Couldn't it be one of those special ones? It had to be permanent. If anyone would like the same done at their home, just let us know and we'll send the girls over.
Speaker 2:Send over organizing Free of charge.
Speaker 1:Yes, all right. So, like I said, today is episode number four. It's kind of crazy that we're already four episodes into this and our show today is on boundaries. So boundaries in your marriage.
Speaker 2:We're going to talk about the definition of boundaries. To start off, boundaries are a line that marks the limits of an area, a dividing line. So personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits. Husband and wives have a unique history of how we grew up, the disciplines in our family that were taught to us, the beliefs that spill into our marriage relationships. Boundaries are an integral part to a healthy change and a successful life.
Speaker 1:So, with these boundaries, we're going to be talking about a few different ones tonight, but one that we definitely going to touch on is one with our relatives, with our family members, our in-laws, our brothers, sisters extended families Relatives are not exempt from boundaries.
Speaker 1:We all need to establish respectful parameters, boundaries for our relatives, our in-laws, our extended family, and, if possible, we need to do this prior to the wedding. So have that conversation with your fiance and if you're unable to do that or you're already married, it's not too late. You definitely need to make sure that you're talking about that and setting some appropriate boundaries. Even so, those we love will occasionally overstep the boundaries that we set. So we're going to talk about some ways that we can set boundaries, but also, if those boundaries are overstepped, how we can respond to that and maybe reaffirm them.
Speaker 2:Specifically for newlyweds. Sometimes it can be a struggle because parents struggle to recognize their children are grown up and the independence is a really tough time for parents because all of a sudden you know their babies are grown and it's gonna be tough for me.
Speaker 1:I already know we're talking about boundaries and when I was putting this together I was like, oh yeah, I want to get the in-laws, I'm gonna be the one the worst.
Speaker 2:I am. He's gonna be the worst. I am absolutely.
Speaker 1:I already know I am. Our oldest in Boston is 16, and there's already like this struggle to control. And who today?
Speaker 2:So we're definitely bookmarking this episode for Chris.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, so we're coming back, so I can have a therapy session for this one.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it's hard. It's hard for parents to treat their grown children as fellow adults. It's a transition, but it's definitely one that has to happen. So, even though parents think they know best, when you're you know when your kids are growing up and getting married and becoming adults. Sometimes they put demands on married couple that they should listen to their advice, threaten to hold, withhold emotional and financial support if their advice is not done to their liking. It can get kind of into like a power struggle and that's something that we definitely want to avoid.
Speaker 2:And the sooner you can make those boundaries set in your life and with your spouse and your marriage, the better it is, because everyone will know exactly how far they can go, how far they can push, and it'll just make for a more harmonious relationship with your extended family. If you sit down with your spouse and make sure that you guys know what your boundaries are, set that in stone. These are our boundaries. This is how far we'll allow ourselves to be pushed. This is how far we'll allow our family to be a part of certain things in our lives. It's. It is important because, especially if you have one family that's more predominantly involved in your life than the other one. You don't want to cause issues within your own marriage because one side of the family is stronger or more involved, more pushy lack of a better word than the other family.
Speaker 2:So it's very important to set these as soon as possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sometimes with the involvement we understand that, like for us, for instance, my mom and stepdad and all my family. They don't live in California where we live. Jen's mom and her stepdad do live in California, right near us, and their great grandparents and her dad is pretty close in Arizona. So with that type of dynamic, obviously their her side of the family is around more than my side of the family. So you do have that element sometimes when that happens, and that's understandable, right. But also sometimes you have both of your families are there in the same area, same state, maybe same city, but one side tries to dominate all the time and we'll talk about this a little bit later all the time, all the holidays, all that kind of stuff. So you need to set those boundaries right away. I didn't even have this in like our show notes, but when we first got married we would go to my parents and then we go to Jen's parents and then we went to friends and on all the holidays and it just it was exhaustive.
Speaker 2:Well, we did that one year. Yeah, we did that one year.
Speaker 1:Exactly. We did that one year and then we sat and said that's crazy, once we start having kids and all this stuff, we don't, we don't want to do that. That's no way to spend a holiday. So we established a boundary for everyone to come to us. Jen's an amazing cook, so that was a win-win. She's the best cook out of any of them all of them will ever be but so that was a plus.
Speaker 2:I guess you could say anything on podcasts. Right, there you go there you go.
Speaker 1:No, there's no fact checkers At least none listen to this podcast. But we set that boundary, established that everybody came to us. Everyone came to our house. So we didn't have to battle later on, when we had the kids of, okay, who's home are we going to this time? Who's home are we not going to? Just everybody comes to us, everyone can see everybody at the same time, and so that's worked for us. That won't work for everybody, but I think it's a good idea if it can and you might be thinking I don't have very much space Our first home was under a thousand square feet. Might have been under 800 square feet, and we just made it work, so you can do it. So here's a list of some boundaries to consider. It's not an exhaustive list, but I think it's a good start.
Speaker 1:Some emotional boundaries Emotionally healthy people fill and contain their emotion. I'm going to say that again Emotionally healthy people fill and contain their emotions. Everybody has emotions. It's good to have them, but we need to make sure that we're setting boundaries with the emotionally well, actually with everybody people we work with, family, friends.
Speaker 1:We don't want our marriage to be an emotionally dumping ground. We don't want somebody to be able to come and throw their baggage on us, throw their drama in our marriage, in our lives. Hey, you're going to have enough drama on your own. In your marriage there's two people coming from two separate walks of life coming together as one, I promise you there's going to be drama, and drama doesn't have to be bad, right, good, bad and other. But we want to make sure we're setting those boundaries. You can be a friend, right, you can be a confidant, but you can't be a dumping ground. And you don't want to be a dumping ground because if you do, it's going to spill over into your marriage. If you allow negativity to just and drama to come from all sides some of our friends, families, acquaintances, people we know who the high drama ones are, we know who they are and if you allow them to constantly dump on you, it will overflow into your marriage and it will cause problems. So you need to make sure that you're setting emotional boundaries.
Speaker 2:And this goes for other issues too. Sometimes we have family members that are ill a lot and they want to call and tell you about all their illnesses all the time. Or you have family members who have problems with their own families or their own marriage, and it's like a constant thing. Or they have money problems, financial problems. It doesn't matter what the drama is, and sometimes I think we can be think like oh well, you know they're sick, I have to listen to it, I have to listen, you do not have to listen to it. That will be emotionally draining, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And if you can't handle that.
Speaker 2:What kind of mother are you being? What kind of father are you being? What kind of husband or wife are you being to your own family? Your number one priority is to be there for your own family. Yes, and that sounds kind of harsh, but it really is true. That's your responsibility. That's your God-given responsibility to be there for your family. And if you can't, because you're so emotionally drained from being there for everyone else, you're not fulfilling your responsibility and you're driving yourself crazy and your family crazy. You're not going to want your family to even be around you because you're going to be so overstimulated by everyone else's issues.
Speaker 2:You've got to make sure that if you have someone, obviously there's going to be times when someone gets sick and you're there for them. But if it's a constant thing where someone's constantly calling you about this or constantly in certain needs, be careful with that. Make sure that you're limiting your access, their access to you, and you can even be honest, you know when. If somebody continually calls you about stuff like that or continue and wants to dump on you, just let them know. Hey, emotionally I can't handle this. I love you and I'm gonna pray for you. I'm gonna hope that things get better, but there's nothing I can do but pray for you and hope it gets better. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a financial wizard and emotionally I can't handle it. Just let them know and they love you enough and they'll be appreciative. I think, hopefully, that you can't handle it.
Speaker 1:It's not fair, that's okay. It's your boundary, it's not theirs, but you said it and they will have to abide by it.
Speaker 2:We talk a lot these days about mental health, but I think we do very little sometimes to really do the things that we need to make sure that we are mentally healthy, and this is definitely one of those things. Set your emotional boundaries, keep them and make sure. If you feel yourself slipping on these, make sure to reevaluate. Am I allowing somebody to encroach on my boundaries? Am I allowing my guard down? Am I feeling empathetic or sympathetic towards this need that I need to be a support? Somehow we're not in that position all the time to be able to do that. So just know your boundaries and how things are gonna affect you, and you might need to adjust based on where you are in life too. Sometimes certain circumstances going on in your own life will make things easier or harder for you to deal with, so sometimes that boundary is gonna change.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you can listen to stuff and sometimes you just can't. But be truthful with yourself, be honest with yourself and make sure you're setting those.
Speaker 1:And make sure that with this emotional boundary, let's say you are at a stage where you can help them. You can be that sounding board, you can be that voice of reason. Make sure that your spouse is in on it as well. They don't have to technically be in the converse, they can't actually be in the conversation with that person, but make sure they understand where you are and what you're dealing with, because you guys are stronger together than you are apart and you could be dealing with something with a friend, a family member and your spouse. If you don't share that with them, they won't know and they can't help you if they don't.
Speaker 1:All right, so our next boundary we'd like to talk about is time boundaries. Time is a limited commodity and really requires that we prioritize. And as your family grows it, the time crunch becomes even realer. It is real, real. So we wanna make sure that we do set boundaries on our time and make sure that your friends, your extended family, everybody understands and respects that time. One thing with their a lot of times when we get married, there's when you start out. As it's funny, we were talking about this with the girls I asked Quinn who she sat by the other night in Princess Protection and she said I don't know a new girl and a new boy and they were really nice.
Speaker 2:Princess Protection is a class they have a church.
Speaker 1:Sorry, it's yes it's not like a school. You know Self-defense no, sorry.
Speaker 1:yes it's a class, we have a church on Wednesday nights. So the funny thing is, harper, she wouldn't, she would probably she's gonna sit by the same person, she's gonna sit by her friends. And so you have friends that you have when you're little, and then as you get older, you have friends, and then as you get married, you get older. We know that we have a different set of friends, right, and so they are close to us in a way that almost like family, and when you get married, they still wanna have that same access to you. They still wanna be able to to hey, chris, let's go, let's go play ball, let's go do this, let's go do that.
Speaker 1:But when you're married, right, you have to make sure that you're prioritizing that time appropriately. So the boys, they're gonna have to take a back seat, right, and they may not like it because they may not be married yet, they may not be in a relationship, and so they got all the time in the world and they want you to come and play ball and hang out and do all this. But your wife wants you to be at home. She's worked all day, you've worked all day. She wants to spend time with you, or vice versa, your husband wants you to be at home. So you need to make sure that you set those time boundaries and keep them, because it's gonna definitely lead to a happier marriage.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying cut your friends out, I'm not saying friends are bad. I'm just saying make sure that you set those boundaries appropriately. And with family also, kind of going back to what we were talking about earlier, there could be family that tries to dominate the time. So, yes, you both are working, or one of you is working, and right when you get off, there's one side of the family and want you to come over and have dinner with them, and every night or every Friday or every weekend or whatever that is, and there's no time for the other side of the family. So we'll say, if it was my family, we're always going over to my family and we don't have any time for Jen's family well, that's gonna cause problems, right? So you need to set those time boundaries appropriately with everybody across the board.
Speaker 2:I think this applies in other areas as well. I know we're predominantly talking about how our families boundaries with extended families, but this also applies to time boundaries with work, with hobbies, with even ministries. You have to be really careful that you're not allowing these things to dominate your time to the point where you don't have time for your spouse, where you don't have time for your children. It can be very easy to fall into those traps where you just feel so busy by well, I gotta do this and I gotta do that, and I committed to this, committed to that. You really have to know your limits and know your family's limits and make sure that you are giving to your family. They're your first priority. Your spouse is your first priority.
Speaker 1:They're your first priority, your husband is your first priority.
Speaker 2:If you're not giving to them what they need, then you're not fulfilling what you need in your life, and so it's very important that you set those time boundaries and that you continually reevaluate as you go along Life. Marriage is an organism, right, it's constantly evolving. So we can set these boundaries early on, but sometimes new things come into our lives. We don't normally start off marriages with children, so sometimes we can do a little bit more when it's just us with our husbands or our wives, but then, as children come along, that's gonna take more of our time, and so we're gonna have to set new boundaries. When more children come along, have more boundaries. So it's really important that we evaluate these and that we're constantly making sure that we're prioritizing appropriately with our time and setting these boundaries.
Speaker 1:So good. The next one is spiritual boundaries. We've talked about it many times, as if this is your first time listening to our podcasts. We come at this from a faith-based look as well. Our life, Everything we do, really revolves around the Lord, and we want to make sure that we set spiritual boundaries within our marriage.
Speaker 1:So, prayer time, are you praying with your spouse and I don't get up and pray at the same time? We don't pray together. I know there's some spouses that do, we don't but we do have that boundary in our marriage that we're going to pray, we're going to read the Bible, we're going to grow that aspect of our lives, our personal life and our marriage together. So you need to make sure that you have that, that you're setting that up, and that's a boundary that cannot be diminished. It's something that Jen was talking about. Your marriage being an organism.
Speaker 1:I think as you grow in your marriage, you grow in your walk with God, or you should, and make sure that that is a boundary that we're always going to keep, and some days yes you may miss your prayer time. My prayer time is normally pretty early in the morning. The past couple of weeks, we've had some weird bug come through the house, and so I had to pray a little bit later in the day. But I had to make sure, because if I miss a day, everybody knows, we know. So I think sometimes we don't think about that, especially when we're newlyweds and we get in. Even if we are in church living for God, we don't really think about that as a boundary. But you need to have that conversation and make sure and be open with your spouse. If you're struggling hey, I'm struggling spiritually right now I pray with me. Help me with this. You should be able to talk to your spouse about anything and everything, and that includes your spirituality.
Speaker 2:Spiritual boundaries, I think, also include what we allow in our homes and who we allow in our homes sometimes and how we allow them in our homes sometimes. It's really important that we are protecting ours, our marriage, our children, our home, the sanctity of our home, and so we want to make sure that we are setting these guidelines ahead of time so when things do pop up, it's not like, oh, we're reacting after the fact. You know, oh, I shouldn't have done that, oh, I shouldn't have allowed that. Sometimes, when we do allow things, it's too late. We've already allowed our guard down and we've already set certain things.
Speaker 1:And we've set a precedent.
Speaker 2:Yes, we set a precedent. So it's really important that we think about these things ahead of time, of what type of boundaries we're going to have for our family, what type of boundaries we're going to have for our homes, and how we're going to keep those boundaries and how we're going to share them with others and allow them to know hey, this is our line. This is where we cross A lot of times. We have certain things that we certain boundaries for our children right in what they can do and how they can do it. And if we have family members who maybe aren't believers or don't understand why we do certain things, they can press those or they can diminish those in front of our children. Those are things that you really want to make sure that you avoid, and so to speak up and to allow people hey, you know what, this is what we believe, and I appreciate you. When we're around or when my children are around, this is the guideline we set.
Speaker 1:Let's just rubber meets the road. Let's get real practical. We shared our. I said earlier, I said stepmom, stepdad, so obviously Jen's mom and dad, her biological parents, are no longer together. So during that dating stage they're divorced and they're dating people.
Speaker 1:So during that dating stage we had boundaries for their, their, interests boyfriends and girlfriends there you go how they could interact with us and our family and how they could not interact with us and our family until they were married and then that changes their then family. So just to give a real practical application to that everything well, what are you talking about? That's what I'm talking about, and so just putting that out there. It's not always a comfortable conversation to have, but I do believe it's a very necessary one to have.
Speaker 2:And these boundaries are different for every family, for every situation. The boundaries we set, maybe it wouldn't be something that somebody else would feel they needed to set, and it's not that it's right or wrong. So don't feel like you have to defend your boundaries. It's your boundary, it's your personal decision and you need to be able to make sure that those are being followed, or else you know you'll have to set a different boundary where it's. You know. If this can't be followed, then you know we can't participate or whatever your or is going to be. But you know you do need to make sure you have those ahead of time. Think about what you're going to do and think about the situation and you know however you feel about it. That's how it needs to be.
Speaker 2:The next one we're going to talk about is parental boundaries. So boundaries with our parents. We all love grandma and grandpa, but now we're mom and dad, right, and we have to set our own boundaries for what can and cannot be said, taught, brought for our kids, brought into our homes. This kind of overlaps with the last one, a little bit with spiritual, but for those that maybe don't have a faith background, it's very important that we make sure that we are not being undermined by grandparents, and that can happen and that can cause friction in our families. It could cause friction in our marriage. It could cause friction with your relationship with your children. It's very important that we set those guidelines with our parents and it usually happens once we have kids, because you're not going to sit down with your parents when I have kids here's.
Speaker 2:A, b and Z sign this contract that you will not do these things, but it should happen early on when you have children. So when your children are little, it is very important to start setting those guidelines so everybody knows what their role is and how far they can go. Some parents are really good at this and you don't have to ever worry about it, and some parents struggle a little bit with this. You're their child and then you have children and that's their grandbaby, and so it's a struggle. So it's really important to make sure that you take those stands ahead of time. Let them know hey, I'm the mom, I'm the dad. This is how I want my child to be raised. This is how I want my child to be talked to. This is how I want my child to be treated. This is what I allow. Those things need to be set ahead of time so it doesn't cause any issues.
Speaker 1:So good. And so how can you respect one another when issues arise? And we'll kind of stay with the family one right now. So let's say you have set a boundary with your mom or dad and it's been violated, they've offended it. What do we do? Okay, so respect. We want to honor our parents. The Bible does, let us know, to honor our mother and our father. So we want to make sure that we honor them. But that doesn't mean that they can just do whatever they want, right?
Speaker 2:And this could be anyone it doesn't have to be our father and father. We're kind of. It sounds like we're picking on mom's and dad's, but we're not. It could be siblings. It could be family friends that you know. They're more like family than friends. It can be any relationship that's close to us that we have in our lives.
Speaker 1:Exactly so we'll stick with that. So Jen's very afraid that we're going to offend moms and dads right now.
Speaker 2:So hey, I'm trying to help you out because I know you're going to be the Seattle one day.
Speaker 1:That's right, okay, cool. So close relations, that doesn't sound right. That doesn't Okay. Scratch that, I'll edit that out later. So let's say somebody has, you know, crossed the line or you know, gone against your wishes. It's going to happen, we understand that, but how do you handle that? So if it's somebody on Jen's side in her family or a close friend, or that is like family, if they, if they're the offender, it wouldn't be right for me to go to them. Jen's going to go to them. Why? Because they're going to receive it way differently. Number one Jen's very sweet and kind and I can be kind of direct and gruff.
Speaker 2:So they're going to receive no fact checking, no fact checking.
Speaker 1:They're. They're going to receive it better though, but also blood receives it better from blood than from you know the son-in-law. So if something needs to be said to you, know Jen's mom not that you know she's an offender or anything like that. She's an amazing mother-in-law and awesome grandmother but if something needs to be said to her, jen's going to do that. Don't try to pass that off on your spouse.
Speaker 1:That's not right, because they can get upset. Your mom or dad can get upset with your spouse and hold that grudge for a very long time, sometimes forever, but with you they might get upset, but you're their child. They're going to get over it. So to respect your spouse and your family and everybody involved, that's how we would suggest that being handled, that you handle it and not try to push that off on your spouse. If you need some extra firepower they're just not hearing it you can come together. I would suggest, as a couple rather than you know, just going to them individually at that time. Then it's you know, they know, okay, we're united front, and then I would then speak to her mom.
Speaker 2:That's really good. How can you remain united as a husband and wife when pressures come from extended family members? It's so important that we remember that our commitment to our spouse is higher than any other commitment we have. We have to make sure that we're setting those boundaries together. We have to decide on those boundaries ahead of time and sometimes, if we don't like some boundaries you won't even think about until it comes up. Right, you can't set it ahead of time.
Speaker 2:So it's really important that we talk about these things with our spouse, that we make sure that we're on the same page. If we're not taking the time to communicate with our spouse about these things, it's going to cause a whole bunch of issues, because if your spouse has a different boundary than you, or if they don't understand why you have a certain boundary, that's gonna cause not only friction with your family members and confusion with your family members, but also confusion in your marriage and friction in your marriage. So it's very important. How can you remain united? Communicate. You have to sit down. You have to communicate these things. You have to talk about these things ahead of time, before those things come up, and then, if it comes up, then you have to make sure that you're talking about it in the moment and making sure that you're on the same page, before you proceed with any type of boundary or any type of discussion with anyone else.
Speaker 1:So good. We've talked about it on every episode, all four episodes so far. Communication is key, especially in a marriage. You need to make sure that you're communicating, you're sharing. All of us, when we enter into a marriage, have some unspoken boundaries right, and we need to make sure that those don't remain unspoken, but that we share them with our spouse and make sure that we are a united front together. So some spiritual context. Why are we talking about this? Why can it be sometimes difficult for folks to do this in their marriage?
Speaker 1:The Bible really talks about leaving and cleaving. So you're leaving your family and then you're cleaving to your spouse and you've created a new unit, a new family. Yes, you're still family with your birth family or the family that you were raised with, but you and your spouse are creating a whole new family, if you will. And Mark chapter 10, six through nine. This is New King James, where it just says but from the beginning of the creation, god made them male and female, and for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.
Speaker 1:Again, that's the spiritual context. God created it that way for us to become one and to be joined together and let no man, no person, no situation, no drama separate that. And how are we going to be able to do that? By setting boundaries and making sure that we're communicating that with our spouse, we're communicating it with those that need to be in the know of the boundaries so we can make sure that our union together stays pleasing to God and stays really the greatest thing that we have here on earth. So I hope this episode has been helpful and I hope that you can, if you haven't already set boundaries, get with your spouse and set some boundaries and see how that's gonna really help you guys in future situations that you may come to. So thank you again so much for joining us. We are so thankful for everybody that listens. And again, please make sure that you subscribe, like, share, comment and share with everybody if you love it and if you don't keep it to yourself.
Speaker 2:No, we do love. I'm the comments girl. I love the comment section of everything, so I love seeing people's comments. It does help, obviously, keep us excited and motivated about it when we know that people are listening and enjoying it. So if you are, please make sure to let us know.
Speaker 1:All right, and, as always, we try to close out every episode in prayer, so let's do so. Dear Lord, we thank you for this opportunity Once again to share our hearts with our listeners. Lord, I pray for those that are married or in a relationship or going towards marriage, that they might be able to set some boundaries, lord, if they haven't already, and if they do have some boundaries that maybe they've gone astray from that they reaffirmed them. Lord, I pray that you just bless everybody that's listening, lord, and I thank you and we praise you in Jesus' name, amen. So, as always, remember love works. So let's get to work. Go to Beadaholiquecom for all of your beading supply needs.