Little Victories

A more active approach for counting your blessings.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

Hello and welcome to this newest episode of Become a Competent Biblical Counselor. I'm Dr. Dave Jones, and today's episode is entitled Little Victories, and we're going to use as a scriptural reference Galatians 6, 4. And here it says, pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. Now, this idea of little victories is something that I use quite a lot in counseling, especially in marriage counseling. We'll get into that as the episode goes on. But for right now, I want to make a distinction between counting your blessings and little victories. So now let's talk about count your blessings. Count your blessings are unplanned events, things that have already happened. They're what we call reactive. We react to things that have already happened. We enumerate those things that we forgot about, but we make an effort to think about just what God has done for us and done with us, and so we count our blessings. Little victories are a little different. These are proactive. These are things that we can actually plan, and they're extremely effective in helping somebody who has come to you for counseling. Their world is falling apart, and they just a lot of times they'll say, I'll say, So what can I help you with today? And they'll just say, you know what? I'm just totally out of it. I don't know, I don't have any good feelings, I don't have any bad feelings, I'm just numb, and I can't seem to break through anything, and I just I don't have any peace, I don't have any joy, I it's just I'm just neutral. Well, after you hear somebody talk like that for just a short period of time, the thing that comes into my mind is something that you might want to think about as well, is let's create a program of little victories. And I want to explain to you what that that's all about. One of the biblical concepts that are just really exciting to me is the activity of action. How many times the Bible tells us to do this and don't do this? And they're very simple things to do if we just obey. So the important thing about little victories is that little victories follow your planned actions. These are some things that the counselor can actually think about doing in order to get a little victory. For example, there was a man who was a Navy Admiral, Admiral William McRaven, gave a speech to the graduating class at the University of Texas in 2014, and he said very simply, he says, When you get up in the morning, make your bed. And the purpose that's important that you do that is that you could go out through an entire day, and things that worked, things didn't work, you may have had successes, you may have had failures, may have had learning opportunities, but at least when you come home at the end of the day, you can walk into your bedroom to get ready to go to sleep at night, and you can look at your bed and realize that regardless of what happened that day, you made your bed. What a little victory that is. So let's continue on. You're going to work and you're in your car driving and you think about things that have to happen today in order for you to have a little victory. Maybe you're looking to create an opportunity for many little victories. How are you going to plan those little victories? How are you going to plan those activities in order to realize those little victories? Say you've got a meeting coming up where you have to make a presentation. Well, you're going to say this, you're going to say this, you're going to do this, you're going to use Susie as an example to elaborate a little bit more on what you're saying. But the point is, at the end of the meeting, if you can get your presentation approved, that's a little victory. And it comes as a result of a planned activity. So you're driving your car. You're thinking, well, it's going to take us 36 minutes to get home. I'm going to be very careful. I'm going to be very safe. So you're going to be aware of your driving skills, but in a different way. I would like to get to the grocery store and get some groceries on the way home. I would like to stop at the dry cleaners and get some clothes that are waiting for me to pick up. I need to make sure that I stop and pay the electric bill. Oh, and I need to stop and get some gas. Now, if I can make it all the way home without any problems whatsoever, that's a little victory. Oh, and here's another one that's kind of interesting. You're having or your counsel is having an argument with her sister, and she sent her sister an email yesterday apologizing for whatever responsibility that she had in their disagreement and hoping that there's a way in which they can rectify and mend this relationship. And she's hoping when she gets home that there will be some response on her computer that she can realize that that really happened. And when she does get home, and there is a response from her sister, and her sister also repented for her activity, wow, we've just gotten little victories as a result of actions taken. And you know, we can go on and on and on. We can talk about other kinds of problems, we can talk about health issues, we can talk about finances, but the point that I want to make, especially in this opportunity to create little victories instead of waiting for blessings to happen, and that's alright, that will happen as well, but take a more active approach in making little victories happen. One of the ways in which I use this more than anything else is in marriage counseling. Husbands andor wives will come to me and they'll say, We're just not, we're just not communicating anymore, we're just not getting along anymore, we're just not, you know, fill in the blanks, or just not getting along. I will ask at this particular point in time how long they've been married. Let's say they've uh been married 22 years. I will say, Well, take me back twenty three years. What was your relationship like then? And they'll stop and they'll think. And then somebody will say, Well, we spent a line a lot of time together. Um, we did this, we did that, on and on. I get a listing of things that they enjoyed doing with and for each other. It's at this time well, I will ask them, well, to start creating a plan of little victories for each other. For example, I'll ask the husband, when's the last time that you really looked into your wife's eyes and you told her how much you love her, or you told her how much you appreciate her, or you told her just what she means to you. When's the last time you did that? And wife, when's the last time you looked at your husband and thanked him for the man that he is in protecting you, providing for you? Even if none of these things happen, it gives both spouses the opportunity to think about things they could do starting when this counseling session is over. Let's take this a little bit farther. I'll look right at the husband and I'll say, What you need to do, starting immediately, is when you talk to your wife, look at her in the eyes and tell her what she means to you. Something very little, that's what the little victories are all about. Doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out uh explanation of how you feel. And at the same time, when you're looking at her and talking with her, just touch her. Touch her on the arm, touch her on the hand. Touching a woman while you're looking at her eyes and talking to her lovingly goes a long, long way. Now that means don't tell her as you're walking down the hall of the house and your back toward her saying, Hey honey, you're doing a great job. Yeah, that's nice. But that's all it is. It's nice, it's no little victory for her. It's something that you're doing just because, well, Dr. Dave said that's a good thing that I should do, so I'm just doing it. No, you're not listening. The point is you might do two or three, five, six times a day little victories. Give your wife little victories. And it doesn't have to be at home. It could be when you're riding in the car, when you're shopping, or where reach over and just touch her hand. Obviously don't take your eyes off the road and look at her eyes, but you understand what I'm talking about. Little victories. Give your wife little victories. Same thing to you, mama. When's the last time you gave your husband little victories? Thank him for what he's doing. Congratulate him on what he's doing. We men need to have our wives approval on how we are doing. And a lot of times we don't get that. Give your husband little victories throughout the day. Look him in the eyes as well. Touch him at the same time, on the arm or in the hand or you know what I mean. Just give each other victories. Look for ways to compliment and thank and encourage your spouse through little victories. Hey, but this don't stop there. How about the children? The children need little victories as well. And I'm not talking about school stuff. Oh, you did a great job on getting that ninety-six on that score. Good job, son. Good good job, sweetie. No, a little bit more. Use the same concept that you use with each other. Look at your children, let them sit on your lap or whatever. They will look at you because they want to hear what you're saying. If they're not looking at you, make sure that they do. But you too look at them and say just how much you appreciate them, how beautiful they are. Give them accolades with respect to what kind of people they are and what kind of people they will become. Give them little victories. Because when they're having problems out there in the school or in the neighborhood or whatever, they need some encouragement. Guess who they're coming to? Mom and Dad. They need little victories as well. And also, this is the last one. How about yourself? Give yourself little victories. Here's a funny one for you. I'll get up in the morning and I'll think, okay, I've got some things I have to do in the house. I'm gonna go out and work in the yard though for an hour. I've got plants, I've got things to do out in the yard, and I'm going to do those. I'm gonna take an hour, I'm gonna do those. You see, I've already created the plan of action. I will go out and I will spend an hour doing what I said that I wanted to do. At the end of the day, I'll look back at how my day was. Well, I worked in the yard, I cleaned up the house, I fixed that fan in the kitchen. Things that I planned on doing, I did. I gave myself little victories. And you know how I rewarded myself? I'd get a cookie. Or I'd get in the car and I'd go down to the Dairy Queen and get an ice cream cone. Little victories. We all need little victories. So instead of waiting for your blessings to come and commenting and appreciating those blessings, which is an important thing to do, create your own little victories in your world. And create the little victories in other people's worlds too that they're not expecting. You'll go a long way in your relationships and then your life being more enhanced in the kind of life God wants you to live anyway. I hope that helps. Create, think about your little victories and get started.