Talking About Problems

Just talking about problems will not get you solutions

Transcript

Speaker: 0:20

, and today's episode is Talking About Problems. Someone says, I've heard that talking about problems will help me. Yet I do not seem to find permanent relief. What's wrong? Well, I'll tell you what's wrong. Talking about your problems is important, but if you go no further and you don't do something about those problems, that is what God says to do about them, then it's worse. Talking alone is worse than if you had kept your mouth shut closed at the very beginning. The idea of talking alone is by no means a Bible concept. For example, in Proverbs fourteen twenty three we're told in all toil you see the stress on doing something in all toil. Toil there is profit. But mere talk leads only to want. This is true not only of one's efforts in his daily labor for his daily bread, but it's also true of the impoverished counseling that goes on today. We have been told everywhere in books by without number and pastors even, even Bible believing pastors who have been taught this in seminaries that claim to believe the word of God tragically, that if they talk to people and let people talk to them about their problems, that that will do those people a lot of good and no harm could ever come from just listening to somebody when they talk. Well, let me say to you right now that if listening alone takes place in any counseling that you're involved with where somebody is counseling you or where you're counseling someone else, unless that problem is an extremely superficial one, that listening alone or letting the other person talk alone can be the most destructive thing possible. You say destructive? How? Well, let me explain. Suppose someone comes in to you and tells you all about his problem. Now, he's been to several other counselors before, and he's tried other ways, and so on. But now let's say he comes to you as a Christian, or you go, let's say, to your pastor, who represents Jesus Christ in his dealings with you, and you go as a last resort, anxious to find out what God has to say about this problem. You should have gone to find out what God had to say much earlier, but at last you've gotten around to it. And you go to the pastor and he says, All right, tell me about your problem. You begin to tell him, and he says, Hmm, and you tell him more. And he says, I see, and you tell him some more. And he repeats back some of your words to you. And you go on talking and talking and talking and talking until the hour is over. And he says, Well, fine, I hope this has done you a lot of good. And you say, Oh yes, I feel much, much better, Pastor. And you do. And you go out and you wring your hands off on the way out. And he feels happy and you feel happy because you've gotten it all off your chest. But five hours, five days later, whatever it may be, you suddenly awaken to the fact that nothing has happened. The problem is still there. The difficulties are still as they used to be. Nothing has really changed in the situation. All you've done is just tell it all over and over again. And far worse than that, as you begin to reflect on the situation, you say, I told it to my pastor, and I didn't expect other people perhaps to have the answer, but he's a man who believes the Bible. He teaches, he preaches it in the script in the pulpit each week. But I told it to him, and he didn't give me any answers either. So God does not have an answer to my problem. Now you're really discouraged. Very often at that point, somebody might try to take his life. No, you see, counseling can be most destructive when a person fails to give God's answers to man's problems, when he only listens to the problem, when he hopes that by the person getting it off his chest, he will feel better and solve his own problem. Of course, he feels better for a little while and he gets it off his chest. But suddenly he realizes sometime later that nothing has happened to really change the circumstances, so he feels ten times worse. Worst of all, if he goes to a pastor seeking God's answers and that pastor refuses to do anything but talk or let the person talk and listen to him, then he concludes rightly or wrongly that God has no word on this subject, since none was spoken from the Word of God. There's a tremendous difference according to 1 Corinthians 4 20 between talk only and God's power. When those soldiers, when those tax collectors and when those people came to John the Baptist for help, and they recognized their sin and they were baptized by him, confessing their sins and repenting of those sins, then they asked the question, the question that every Christian should be asking about any problem in life, what must I do? John did not simply reflect back to them, as Carl Rogers and others would do in this reflective counseling. He did not simply reflect back to them the words that they had spoken, Oh, you want to know what to do? But he told them what to do. He told them directly from God what to do. He told those soldiers not to use their place of position and power in some way to advantage themselves or to disadvantage others. He told those tax collectors if they had been taking money more than they should, that they should cease doing that and take only what was required of them. And so he gave them specific directions to go back into the areas in which they lived and in which they were operating and to serve and live differently as a Christian ought to live. When the rich young ruler came to Jesus for counsel and he said to Jesus, I'm okay, you're okay, and Jesus demonstrated to him that there was only one who was okay. That rich young ruler was given an assignment by Jesus Christ. He was told what to do. He was not merely listened to. As a matter of fact, I don't think you can find this listening technique used anywhere by the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ was always told men what God required of them. It's tragic that for so many people today, the very word counsel means to listen, not to talk. You know, the word counsel actually throughout all of the Word of God means to give advice, to give a word from God, to give biblical advice about any subject, any situation, anything, anything that a person is seeking to find answers to. The counselor who allows a counselee to come in and simply talk and talk and talk about his problem. This counselor is just like the neighborhood crony who allows a woman to get on the phone and complain about her husband and talk about her and grumble about all the things that are wrong in her life and just hang on the phone for an hour at a time. Everybody feels better for a little while, but not long. After that, nothing ever is accomplished. Indeed, serious, complicating problems can arise from this. A person may come to the conclusion that God has no answers, and may then take some drastic step beyond. I want to encourage you, if you go for counseling to your pastor or to anyone else, if you go to counseling to ask for help, to ask for directions from God about your problem, to talk and focus not upon your problem alone, talk about that problem, of course, but talk about it only as it means for reaching forth to God's solutions. Talk about the situation, what the difficulties are realistically, truthfully, in detail, but only with a view toward finding what God says in his word, the scriptures to do about it. Any counselor to whom you go, who is unwilling to give you the word of God from the scriptures is not a biblical counselor. Shun away from him. Turn from him. Go to someone who really will tell you what the scriptures say. So Lord, we do pray and everywhere all over this country where the sound of this broadcast is heard, that there will be counselors who will be willing to counsel your children from your word of God. We pray in Jesus' name, amen. So I hope that helps. Whether you are a counselee or a counselor, you must get to a point where you stop talking about your situation and start doing something about it, but doing it God's way. So if you have any questions about this episode or any other of the one hundred and ten episodes of previously, send me an email. Ask me a question, anything you want, send it to Bible Help for the number four you, Bible Help for You at gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you and assist you in your journey to become a competent biblical counselor.