Battle of the Network Stars - Part 1

In this episode we are talking about one of the weirdest and wonderful chapters of TV in the 1970s and 1980s, and that is the Battle of the Network Stars. From Howard Cosell, Gabe Kaplan and Lynda Carter to Farrah Fawcett and Telly Savalas -- we take a look at our favorite network athletes. 
 

Transcript

Welcome to Don’t Touch That Dial, a classic TV podcast. Did you grow up in the 70s and 80s? Did you rush home from school to watch reruns of the Brady Bunch and the Partridge family? On each episode of Don't Touch That Dial, 3 guys who love TV will look back on those days and talk about the shows and stars that made watching television before streaming, DVRs and even VCRs so special.

The story of humankind would not be complete without sport.  Throughout history people have gathered to watch skilled and determined athletes share their talents for fame, prosperity and the achievements of excellence dating back to the first Olympic Games in Greece.  In America, and more recent decades athletes like LeBron James, Tom Brady, Serena Williams and Mia Hamm have inspired us through their championship accomplishments. But these exploits pale in comparison to Gabe Kaplan navigating a kayak.  From the beautiful campus of Pepperdine University in Malibu this is Don't Touch That Dial, a classic TV podcast.  I'm Anthony Stoeckert. I'm Keith Loria and I'm Jody Schwartz. Do I have to say we're not really at Pepperdine for legal reasons?

Today we're talking about one of the most weird and wonderful chapters of TV in the 1970s and 1980s and that is Battle of the Network Stars, but first we've got a couple of quick news stories from the world of classic TV to talk about. First Alan Alda is auctioning his boots and tags from MASH and I'm guessing this is for charity.  Does anybody know or is he just out to make a buck? No, it's going to be the money is going to be used for his center of education I don't remember maybe of discovery at Stony Brook University. OK yeah, he's so into science right so it's part of that I'm guessing. Very cool. How much are they going for? I have no idea. I don’t know if they’ve been sold or not or if there’s an auction coming up. Let me check with our research team here at the podcast.  Oh, they're terrible, they'll never get to us.  Well while the research team is looking into that, I'll just ask each of you, we'll start with Jody, what item from MASH would you like to own? Oh, that's pretty easy either Hawkeyes’ Hawaiian shirt or Clinger’s Toledo mud hens’ jersey. Those are very good.  That is a great one, I didn't think of the mud hen’s jersey. But yeah, now that he says it that's definitely probably would be one of mine. You know the obvious answers would be probably Radar’s teddy bear or the still … as someone who loves martinis …yeah, I'd love that still. Yeah, the still would be great.  If it's a working still.  I'm gonna go with Henry Blake's fishing cap though. Very cool.  I would want the sign that points to where everyone lives. That’s what I would want, and I put it on my front lawn. I have to say I would also love Hawkeye’s bathrobe, but he's so much taller than I am it would just drag on the floor. I don’t know if I could pull that one off. Look, I love MASH and Alan Alda, but I don't wanna wear his bathrobe. They must have cleaned it by now. They can't clean that thing enough as far as I'm concerned. Ratty old bathrobe. I got in boots.  I got a message from our research team, that crack team, there is no bid yet it's going to be bid soon you know so I guess it just starts off like a random auction, but it does benefit, let's get the name right here, the Alan Alda Center for Communicating Science, which is part of Stony Brook University. Very cool -- good for him he's always been dedicated to that.

So quick second story and this trend continues we've talked about Happy Days on every episode I think right. We have and we will continue to. I'm sure. OK Anson Williams got married I believe for the third time and, best of all, Don Most was his best man. He’s such a Potsy and he's such a bridegroom! Congratulations Anson – that's amazing. Yes, it's great to see that they're still so close after all these years. It is. It's very nice. It's very cool.  I don’t even know what’s the better part of that story.  Is it that they're still friends or that he got married?  To be honest with you they're both equally heartwarming.  Am I crazy or did they make a movie fairly recently together? Like some independent movie or am I making that up? They did.  They did something about a year ago.  Yeah OK – there you go – one of the great comedy teams of all time continues!  So, they were also in an episode of the updated Odd Couple.  The Garry Marshall tribute when Marshall died.  Yeah, the tribute. That's right.  Yeah alright. 

So enough of this stuff, let's get on to the real thing, Anthony.  Let's talk about Battle of the Network Stars.  We’ll just give a little, quick background before we start talking about our memories of it for anyone who doesn't know.  This was a show in the 70s and 80s and it was basically an Olympics starring network stars.  This was back in the day of three networks stars competing for money and they wanted that money because they made a nice living, but not what people make today, and it was just strange.  It was.  I think it was the brainchild of Fred Silverman, I believe. So yeah, and it kind of gets lumped into the “jiggle TV” category for some people but watching a few episodes the yes you definitely noticed Adrian Barbeau running, but the women weren't scantily clad.  The men are more scantily clad.  Hal Linden in a Speedo – hubba hubba.  But yeah, Jody, it should also be pointed out that in those days network television stars are really more employees than stars.  You know they kind of did what the network told them to do with a few exceptions and that also figured into this yeah.  Also, a lot of cross promotions like where today a lot of times CBS doesn't let their stars be on the talk shows on NBC or ABC and vice versa.  Back then any show you could get on to promote your show they would let you do. Yeah, I mean it was an ABC enterprise but if you were on an NBC show you got to promote your show, so it worked for everybody.  It wasn't always on ABC. Everyone would go to a different network. Really? Yeah, I thought they aired on ABC. No different networks. Oh, it was also unique because it was ABC's idea, but it was shared, and Cosell hosted almost everyone except one. Correct and he was an ABC guy.  So, there was, and he didn't host at any end.  

What's everyone's memories? I mean it was a big deal when we were kids.  So, Keith let’s start with you what are your memories of Battle of the Network Stars?  I mean I just remember every time that I would see an ad for it, I got so excited it was just so much fun to watch.  These were my favorite actors from all my shows from all of the networks doing sports and having fun and it was a chance to see them outside of what you normally see them.  Yeah, Jody’s pretty much the same.  I always got excited too when I saw the ad and it was just yeah, it's almost like you when I humanized them in a way because they were not all of them were great at sports, so it's funny watching them not be so good.  But one of the things that I remember was that when Howard Cosell did the commentary he did it the exact same way that he did football or boxing or the Olympics if you watch tapes of ABC's coverage of the Olympics when Cosell was doing it his commentary is exactly the same as it was for Battle of the Network Stars, which was incredible and the fact there was one at least one year where Frank Gifford joins them and their interaction doing this was exactly the same as Monday Night Football.  Yeah, there's a moment where I watched Joyce DeWitt, and someone named Pat Klous. I don't know who that is.  Does anybody know Patty Klous, Patricia Klous or something like that?  I don't know who she is, but they were competing in the obstacle course and Klous got injured while jumping over the pool and Cosell analyzes it like it's a Raiders/Steelers game on Monday Night Football.  There definitely was an element of yes this is fun and goofy, but they were really competing, and Cosell really did treat it seriously.  I think, by the way, Pat Klous replaced Lauren Tewes on The Love Boat.  Oh, I don't remember her.  She was in a TV series called Flying High. Yes, I absolutely love that show. I don't know that show at all.  It was the flight attendants, yeah with the woman from Hotel – Connie Selleca -- what other podcast that's talking about Pat Klous?

So listen I'll just go through some history anytime someone oh I should talk about my memories of it I don't have like a lot of specifics I do remember thinking it was a really serious thing watching it now I realized that they were doing some things for laughs but back then to me this was like one of the most important sporting events of the year and I remember it just being a very big deal at my school like we all talked about it. Yes, Keith? I'm just it was so competitive you could see you know Gabe Kaplan, Telly Savalas, Robert Conrad they really wanted to win it wasn't just having fun.  Gabe Kaplan looks serious the whole time and you never saw him serious.  He wasn't telling jokes about his uncles during these. There were no uncles. He goofed around with Cosell in between events but in competition he was, you know, totally serious.  So, I did watch a lot of the first episode and the opening is just glorious.  It opens with this narration about a tale of great war and the men the women and the young do battle for glory for honor and pride the intent was … what was that, Jody? Cosell was usually the one who said that, right? No no this is actually Conrad did this part. OK yeah. And then they cut to Telly Savalas who's hanging out in his pool and he's on the phone and he goes “we're gonna bury them” and then he swims away in his pool, I'm guessing to do battles.  Yeah, he had a drink he was in the pool I believe so yeah, he had a glass with Scotch or whatever it was, but the glass was next to him in the pool and then he dives in and then starts swimming and then they show Robert Conrad he's on the phone and he goes “is that what you want done don't worry about it they die. When? They die today.” Again, when I was a kid, I took this totally seriously. I didn't see the humor in this. And then Kaplans playing it up he's talking to Mr. S. I'm guessing Mr. Silverman yeah; I would imagine, and he goes Mr. S believe me we will teach those bums a lesson they will never forget thank you for your confidence Mr. S. So right off the bat this was off to being one of the greatest things ever and then Mark Spitz was part of the first one.  He offered commentary during the swimming relay, and he was very tough on Penny Marshall.  By the way he said it was Penny Marshall from “Laverne.” That's all he said, and he said she was “swimming freestyle with her arms and kicking breaststroke which is gonna be tremendous handicap for the ABC team.” 

And then Cosell takes a shot at Savalas he goes “you get a good look at Savalas’s body?” and Spitz says, “it looks like a lollipop.” And Peter Lawford was there he wasn't competing, but he was there, and I don't know if they did this other than the first one, but Rona Barrett offered celebrity insights. They did it a couple of times and then sometimes they would have like a little profile. They did one with Farrah Fawcett where Rona Barrett talks about how she also likes her home life with Lee Majors and then there's an interview with Farrah Fawcett talking about how she's trying to juggle being a working actress and a good wife. Yeah, an interview with Farrah Fawcett about Lee Majors four years differently would have gone very differently. Oh yeah. That would have gone sideways.

Keith. I wanna get to the big relay race in the first one because it's like its history, but do you have anything you want to say at this point?  Again, you watched the first one and they just got better and better through the years with the celebrities that were competing, it was a who's who and it was just amazing, and the race was always a big part of it. 

So, the first one they have the relay race NBC wins. Telly Savalas lodges a complaint, and he talks about being a representative of his ancestry meaning Greek, which started the Olympic Games he lodge is a complaint that one of the runners for NBC picked up his baton too early and he felt NBC should be disqualified and Conrad protested saying that if anything taking the baton early would have slowed them down it just proves they were faster. Kaplan doesn't really know what's going on ABC's the team that comes in 2nd and Conrad’s getting angry at Kaplan and this moment just has everything and the solution that they came up with is Conrad and Savalas ran a race just the two of them and Kaplan’s thinking was that the ABC team would not have beaten NBC because NBC clearly NBC won by a lot minus the penalty and he thought he could beat Conrad but one of the great moments in all of this is Farrah Fawcett tells Cosell that the whole race should be reran and Cosell says “Farrah, baby, I'm not in charge of the Rules Committee but clearly controversy has beset the Battle Of The Network Stars.” Did Howard Cosell join our podcast?  That was pretty good. But that was awesome and then Kaplan won. He won the race off his strategy was great he played the game, but Savalas was still upset because Savalas wanted NBC disqualified, which would have moved CBS into second place. But they weren’t disqualified NBC ended up in second place and you can see Savalas, and you can tell he's smoking as the decision is announced and Savalas says this “we must allow for the emotional reaction on my team that wasn't allowed for breaking the rules upsetting us while we were running if the distance had been shorter that effort would have been there and we would have won it all.” He’s right but this gets back to the fact I was watching this I didn't know that they got money for this until just researching for this episode and I'm sitting there going what is going on here? Why does Telly Savalas care about winning a relay race against Robert Conrad?  And it was about the money he said several times that it's about the money they didn't hide it. 

Let's talk about that money just for showing up third place got $10,000; each competitor second place 15,000; first place 20,000, which was a lot of money for them back then and that's all they got they didn't get per event? Not just each member of the winning team, that's what they got and then the winning captain got a big trophy. OK excellent. And if you want political correctness, I can give it to you. Conrad at one point says that Savalas is a Greek, so he cares about sports. Kaplan is Jewish so he wants to arbitrate and Conrad himself is German, so he wants to kill them both. Unbelievable. But Conrad was clearly angry and gave Kaplan ended it like just like a couple years ago Gabe Kaplan wrote a really long article about this. He was always clearly angry. He’s an angry guy.  That’s true.

I don't know if you guys remember this, the three of us had the pleasure of meeting Gabe Kaplan once and I did ask him about Battle of Network Stars when we sat down with him. I don't remember that tell us about that. Yeah, you know I just asked them about his memories, and you know he kind of talked about how it was competitive, and you know you hear that from a lot of people and when you talk with them.  it was fun, but it was more about they wanted to win, they really wanted to win do you get this we should point out Keith is a journalist and freelance writer and part of what he does is he writes a lot of entertainment stuff and he's interviewed a few people from this era. Do you get the sense it was mostly the money or did they also wanna win? I think people took pride in their networks back then. They did, that's absolutely true.  But I would have to say, it's really almost always about the money. Like Anthony said, I've been lucky enough to interview a lot of the celebrities that appeared on the show, and you know even though it had nothing to do with whatever I was writing I always asked about Battle of Network Stars whether it was Lynda Carter, Jamie Farr, Jimmie Walker, Greg Evigan and they always had such great stories.  Can you share with us a couple that really stands out? Lynda Carter gave a very funny anecdote about how after they had won, they were all drinking champagne and she poured champagne on Howard Cosell’s head not knowing that he wore a toupee.  So, Howard got a little mad at her, but then they became really good friends and every time she saw him after she would buy him a round of champagne. Oh, wow wow wow. She was standing next to him and didn’t know that?

A couple of quick things about Lynda Carter since you mentioned her first that article you sent me Keith, Tim Matheson mentions seeing her put her bathing suit on and it doesn't say how much he saw but he said it was definitely a highlight apparently she just sort of changed her or adjusted her suit like right there in front of everyone it's a very famous photo if you don’t know it.  No no I don't I don't know that moment. I don't look at those kinds of photos online.  And then after that whole big controversy Kaplan says we didn't win it on the track, but we wanted in court and Lynda Carter gives him a big kiss on the cheek. So, Kaplan won in many many ways. One more reason to admire Gabe Kaplan.

 I also want to share a quick story that Jimmy Walker told me, and this goes again about how competitive this was. About a month before he was to appear in what would have been his third battle of the network stars, he had come in last two times CBS had lost and Bo Svenson called everyone on his team and got them together about a month in advance. They practiced kayaking, they practiced running, they practiced rowing, they practiced football and every weekend that’s what they did for a month just to prepare so when they got there, they were ready, and they ended up winning that year. Wow. Very cool.

I have a quick comment on Jimmy Walker.  One year, it’s funny saying these things, Reggie Jackson did commentary for the dunking booth event I remember that, and he said of Jimmy Walker that “he didn't have great form, but he had good control” That’s dynamite.  

Yes Jody. You talk about memories before, there was one year when Jack Klugman played Suzanne Somers in pool. I don’t remember that. I have to look up what happened but I'm almost positive that Klugman lost because he didn't call the last shot. Oh, he must have been livid. And I was about to say he takes pride in being a very good pool player. Yes. But Suzanne Somers was competitive with him the whole way and you can tell again they both wanted to win. It’s pool!

Getting back to that dunking competition, this would happen every so often John Shuck was in the booth, and nobody had knocked him down, so Gary Burghoff runs and just hits the you know that thing with his hand that target with his hand but Shuck actually prevented himself from going on to the pool and Cosell said Gary Burghoff “what a character Reggie what a nut.”

Cosell was the best. Cosell also said of Jimmy Walker “he loves fun” and again all things you would have said if it were Monday Night Football.  He would have been talking about some player would have said he loves fun the exact same thing he did over and over.

OK so we've had a lot of fun talking about Battle of the Network Stars and we still have a lot to say so we're going to make this a two-parter (our first) and we'll be back in the next episode, so we look forward to seeing you then!

Thanks for listening to Don't Touch That Dial, a classic TV podcast.  If you like what you heard be sure to subscribe and please leave a review on iTunes, Spotify or wherever you listen.  We'll be back soon with another journey back in time to the days of static, laugh tracks, and seven channels.