About setting goals and dreams abroad

Women Abroad Cast is back! In this episode Lauriane & Lianne talk about setting goals and achieving dreams. They discuss the pros and cons of having defined goals and how to align your life vision to your values and the importance of being flexible, especially as an expat or immigrant.

Transcript

 Welcome to Women Abroadcast, your passport to expat life. Join us as we explore everything from visas to dating, sharing our experiences and insights on living abroad. Buckle up for an exciting flight. for waiting ladies and gentlemen, we've invited the first class. 

What were we talking about yesterday?  How did we even get to this conversation? We were talking  about goal setting and how we are both the kind of people that like, Really always had so many goals from like a young age, like very specific kind of, I want to live in us and I want to have this kind of job and I want to have this kind of life.

And like, it was weird to realize that a lot of those goals, we like materialized them, like we reached them. And now it's like, where do we go from here? Like, what are the new goals? How do we set new goals? How do you also, how do you set goals and not ─ frustrated when you don't get there?

 I think we also talked about when we were having coffee yesterday, , just the challenges as modern women too, and how difficult it is because we have to accomplish so many things in different categories of our life, meaning the career, the relationships,  family, just health in general, , socializing.

And it's like, how do you accomplish all those things and set goals for all those things when you're such a, as you were saying yesterday, multi multifaceted person, right? Because we have so many different things in our life. , I mean, we want to talk about it because it's January, 2025.

And as everybody, you know, does talk about all the goal setting , for the year, ,

Resolutions

Resolutions. Yeah.

you have any resolutions for this year?

So, yeah. I, well, the thing is that, , , I've always had goals in general my whole life. I feel like I've always set goals since I was like a teenager. Because I'm a control freak. I love, yeah, I love being in the control, and, , I think for this year,  , it's kind of broad goals, but I think for me, as I'm going to soon, not soon, but I mean, yeah, pretty soon enter my 30s, I'm thinking, okay, maybe this is the last year for me to kind of move toward that Person that I want to be in my 30s, which is like, you know, grown adult woman who's confident and who's  At a great spot in her life, which is I guess what we all try to go towards, right?

Gaining in like physical strength, mental strength, just being more  emotionally intelligent, , doing more meditations, being more aware of myself, that kind of stuff.

So it sounds kind of corny, but I feel like, I feel like that's like important. ─

yeah, and I think the closer you get to your 30s like I see this in all of my friends and all and people that Have passed that point. It's like it's all about being more present because I think your 20s mean, I don't know maybe it's not that case because I also have friends who tell me I live my life like i'm a 40 year old  and I just never leave my house and I just don't do anything fun and i'm always working

Yeah. That's sad.

or you focus on your 20 you're like hyper focused on like setting yourself up for success, like later on and I think if you are on on that category like us, it's kind of you get to the point where you're almost 30 and you're like, shit, I'm I need to be more present.

I need to enjoy more just random stuff and like enjoy more time with my friends because everybody's going to get married and have kids and then we're  never going to see each other again and it's like well that's very dramatic but ── but that's how it felt like that's why my main resolution for this year is have more fun ── for example today it's Sunday today And I'm like, okay, I was thinking earlier, I was like, okay, what did I do? I did my workout, I cleaned the house, I did my groceries, I did work, then I worked on the club, then I had, like, I did wedding planning stuff, I had a meeting with my wedding planner, and I was like, so happy because I was like, oh, this is such a productive day, but then at the same time, I'm like, it's Sunday.

Like, it doesn't need to be damn productive, I could just, like, lay on the couch in my pajamas, or be hungover from a good night out the day before, but for some reason, I just can't live like that anymore, or maybe I never did, and now I'm like, I need to be more present, because I'm going to be 30 soon, and my life's over, and I'm, I don't know,

Yeah, I agree. I think it's complicated because I think goal setting is so important because , for me, that's what's helped me accomplish things. I think, I don't think I would be here today if I hadn't had all those goals setting, but also I feel like it kind of, puts pressure on doing all those things that I just decided I was going to do.

And then me thinking, okay, I need to get this done and I need to do this this month. And because this is the goal that I'm putting for my life this year, it just adds this stress and this pressure that's maybe not necessary. So I feel like it's really a balance. That you have to find because sure, you have to have goals, but also you, you have to also go with the flow and you have to accept also that things can change and evolve and that maybe the goals you set last month are switching already.

And maybe now you're already thinking about something else.  I mean, especially being abroad and all those things that we have to think about and how it's so unpredictable.

. I was gonna say that because I feel like being abroad, , there's so many things that you don't control. It's kind of ridiculous to try to even set goals because I mean, look at, I don't want to go into like politics, but like look at what's happening in the country right now. For so many people, , it's scary because they don't know what's going to happen to their status or, you know, I mean, we don't know obviously what is really going to happen, but people are worried about it and that's like. If you would have asked those people six months ago, what are your goals? Those goals have to change almost like overnight if If you feel like you might not be able to stay here anymore and you might have to uproot your whole life and move somewhere else or, you know, it's the same with like, you could lose your job tomorrow.

So what do you, what are you going to do.

Because if you're an immigrant here and you're here only because of your job, if you get fired tomorrow  you have 30 days to leave. So. It's like, you can have all these wonderful goals, but then there's so many things that are outside of your control.

And then you have to create this flexibility of

Mhm.

where you can deal with those things when they come to you,  it's like building resilience towards uncertainty.

Uncertainty is just a fact of life in general, and it's definitely a fact of life if you're an immigrant or an expat

, I agree. But I'm just, I'm very curious because yesterday you told me that you did not have any system to track your goals or to like set up your goals. How does that work? ,

No. Well, I have my, like, to do lists every

okay, ───

but , I have more like strategies, so I'm like, I have this like strategy of like, I wanna, I wanna do certain things that make me feel a certain way,

okay, mm

it's not, it's usually not very specific,  I'm trying to think of an example.  I want to get satisfaction out of my job. That's like my strategy or my overarching goal.

mm hmm,

like, oh, I want to work in this field. Or I want to make this amount of money. Or I want

mm hmm.

work these kind of hours. Or I want to, you know, whatever. I'm like, okay, I want to get satisfaction out of my job.

And what that means can differ from day to day, to be honest. Because some days I'm like, wait, this is great. I'm so busy, I'm doing all these things. And I'm meeting all these people. And some days I'm like. Damn, I really don't want to be here. I just want to be at home with my dog and I want a job that allows me to do that.

So it's kind of, maybe that's my flexibility. I don't know.

So you basically have this idea, this concept that you, that's kind of broad concept and that's, that's what you set  , let's say  for this year, , you have something for  the end of the year and then you kind of have this as like your vision and then you just go with the flow with that vision in mind.

Okay.

.

Interesting.

is I want to enjoy my year more.

Mhm.

that means,

Mhm.

like, I mean, in my head right now, that means I'm going to try to like, go out with my friends more

Mhm.

like, I'm going to try the, I don't know, do more activities in New York because I want to enjoy the city.

But then, 3 months from now, I might decide, oh, I did that. It wasn't really making me happy. So I'm just going to do something else.

Yeah. Okay. And you check in a little bit.

I feel like you, you have a different 

You know, I think it's kind of similar in a way because I also agree on like, , I like the idea of having goals that are kind of broad. Although I kind of also know that, you know, I don't know if you heard about the smart goals and how everything is supposed to be like

achievable in meaning like it has to be realistic.

 You have to put a number on it and  the idea of time as well, things like that. But. I think it's still the same kind of idea where my goals are pretty broad sometimes, but also very specific, so it's a little bit of both, but I have a whole system 

 I read this book one day and it was, , 

Designing Your Life, something like that.

Life design, which I like the concept of it because you can basically design your life on through different paths and you can just, yeah, create it. ,  so basically I categorize my life into four different things. I like the four things because  it's a table that I have on my laptop and it's four different squares.

One is, , everything related to work. And like, money in general. The other one is, , health. , , like body health. The third one is mindset. And the last one is relationships. And that's, that was inspired by a book that I, that I was reading. And so , I set up goals, within each of those categories in the beginning of the year.

So, for instance, , for work, , it could be like, I want to do more things for the club, and , for

body, , I want to be more flexible, and , relationships can be, I want to, I don't know, , talk to that friend who I  , disconnected with, , six months ago or a year ago. 

And then mindset is more , ,  I want to do meditation and like be more connected with myself and do more things that I like, this kind of stuff.

So I have that for like the year. And then

each month 

I have a new table that's inspired by that one. And I  I have this big vision. Of that big table, and then every month I check in, and I , split into smaller goals to achieve those.

, I think it's, it's great. And I used to have that as well, then I think at some point it became a checklist and then I was checking all the boxes and then I realized like, shit, I've checked 

the 

boxes halfway through a year. 

Now, what am I going to do? You 

know what I mean, Like, it's

I mean, that's good if you're already, but that means that it's not really, that you set goals that were 

too easy, maybe.

I wasn't ambitious 

Yeah,

maybe, ─ like, I feel like I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm like, this is gonna sound so strange, but I'm 

like, if I 

die tomorrow, 

honestly, I'd be quite satisfied 

yeah, but I think that's great. 

and like, 

That's a great spot to go to. I mean that, that you feel.

it's also in a way weird because it makes it harder to think about what you want to do for the future. Like, my, like, whole plan and schedule of things that I wanted to do kind of stopped at some point where I was like, okay. ─ Wanted to, like, live in London, I wanted to live in New York, done that. I wanted to have this kind of job with this kind of salary, like, live this kind of life, okay, check. I wanted to get married, check. I wanted to get a dog, check. I wanted to buy a house, check. And now I'm like, I'm so grateful that I was able to do all of those things, but at the same time I'm, like, really scared that the bubble is gonna burst at some point, or that I'm, you know, Like gonna die 

soon 

because I'm like, I don't know what 

to do now with my life. 

But I feel like there's so many things that you can add to your list. You know, there's like for me I cannot think of 

enough. I mean, there's like too many things that I'm, that I would like to experience, that I have many ideas every year. There's like, oh, maybe I should do this and maybe I'm gonna take that class that I was,  , thinking about doing for so long  and I think that's also the beauty of, I guess, life where now, okay, things are evolving and now you can

also focus on different things. Like, I think we also focus a lot on the materialistic things, you know, like the house and the work and 

Maybe it's good to also think, okay, what do I really want to do?

Maybe I want to volunteer there. Maybe I want to help people in my community, , do things that I enjoy more, travel to this country. 

 I mean, yeah, there's for sure still things that I want to do, but I feel like there are less goals and more objectives. I 

don't know if 

that difference makes 

right, right, 

That's an interesting, yeah, I think, I think, I mean, anybody,

to put too much pressure

yeah, 

kinds of 

yeah, 

because then I 

freak myself out 

too. 

right,

Maybe it's a mindset change that I had as well. Maybe it's less of a, I achieved everything I wanted to do. And more of a, like, my mindset around 

achievement and 

around doing things. Like, 

it's nice to have dreams, but 

they don't 

need to be goals. 

Mm hmm. 

makes 

Mm hmm. Yeah, that makes that makes sense 

have like a hundred thousand things that I want to do, but I don't want to put the pressure on myself to make them into 

goals, 

except for like 

a few things. 

Mm hmm. 

are like the more like I was explaining earlier like the kind of very more like visions than Specifics, but  yeah, there's  so 

for example 

so many places that I 

want to travel to 

Yeah 

I don't want to 

stress myself out thinking Oh my god I need to do 

these 

countries before 

I I don't know have 

kids or 

Yeah 

would 

die or whatever, you know 

I think it's super interesting because I think maybe we should not talk about goals because goals is kind of a bad word in a way it should be more about your vision  and inspiration things that is that inspire you rather than goals because as you were saying it it has kind of  This  negativity in there where

makes it feel like work. You know what I 

Yeah 

it, shouldn't, 

it, I mean, it is work, but it's not, you're going to only stress yourself 

out 

if you turn it in, if you 

turn everything into work. 

I think it depends of your personality too though because for me I feel like that's what helps me a lot Like I feel like I need that frame and I think I feel happier and more secure if I have this frame around me and if I know that i'm working towards my vision And that things are going the direction that I want them to go to.

 It does give me some comfort in a way to have these goals in mind. ────── Yeah, I think so. 

I feel like I need that, 

you know, , , it's more strict, but I kind of like that in a way.

Not as, 

as much of a wild spirit as you are, Lien. I wish I was. ──────

I feel like I'm not that wide of a spirit 

because I 

have like very 

rigid routines in my 

daily 

life. 

. 

I if something disturbs my 

routine, 

I get really 

annoyed and frustrated 

with 

 But , I understand what you're saying.

Like, it is a nice, it is really nice to have that sort of box of like, Or , not Bach. It's a direction. It's like, you know what your direction that you want to head in is. And I think for me, it was also like getting married and living with my husband. And like, I love my husband, but that was a humbling experience because I was like, damn, I'm so selfish.

I am so selfish and I need to be less selfish and I need to be more open to other people's suggestions. Because I was living like that, right? Like, I had my goals and I was like, So burned on achieving those goals and he had his goals and I was like, that's great, but I don't care because I'm going to do what I need to do to achieve my goals. And I think over time, I learned that, like, to be successful in any kind of relationship in your life, you need to be a little bit flexible because you need to, you know, because it's a 2 way street.  And I think that for me, like having to take someone else into account in every big decision that you make was ─ I had to let go of having very stringent,  kind of visions and plans for what I want.

I, although I'm, I'm pretty sure that if I told him tomorrow that I wanted to move to the Bahamas, he would not say no, and he would do, would follow me to the ends of the earth. But that was a lesson and I'm still learning it. Like I'm not saying that I'm perfect. If you ask him, I'm definitely not perfect, but I'm, I'm trying, you know, I'm trying to be more open minded and flexible in, to allow space for his vision and views and goals and objectives and dreams. And I realized I cannot always get what I want, even though I'm a control freak. So I 

like to 

get what I want all the 

time. 

, I guess it's such a opportunity to reflect on yourself and to , just become a better person as well. I mean, in both sides of the relationship, but

Oh 

for sure your habits completely change and including the way you,  manage your life because you have to take someone else into consideration now.

, just to like talk more about  ,  living abroad and ,  tips for like,  women abroad, 

 what's one piece of advice you'd give to someone who feels stuck or overwhelmed with their goals?

My piece of 

advice ─── 

Yes. 

because honestly, it's also it's a mindset thing, because we, and you said this at the beginning of our talk,  women, I mean, men, too, but like women, I think, particularly of our generation, millennials and like, whatever comes after us, we are so trained by society that we need to be all of these things.

We need to be a good. ─── we need to be a good wife, we need to be a good mom, we need to be a good friend, we need to be a good sister, we need to be a good daughter, and like ─ of these pressures,  , it drives you insane, , because ─ you know that like triangle image, where it's like , you can only have two of the three, and  one is  social life, one is a successful career, and then one is , ─── A hard body or something like that and it's so 

like you cannot you 

cannot have everything and we

Yeah. 

pretending ─ you can have everything all at the same time You can have everything but not all at the same time like you need to just be patient and you know, sometimes Doing one thing means you'll be doing a little bit less of the other thing There's only so many hours in the day and also  just go with the flow I know that sounds a lot easier than it actually is from experience, but if there's a day and 

you wake 

up and you're like, fuck, I don't want to 

work out. 

I 

Then don't. Yeah. Yeah. . 

You know, not be too bothered by what other people think you should be doing, you know, how you should be living your life. ─── And I hate it when they ask women in interviews, ,  how do you do it all? ── they don't, like, most people are not doing it all. It just maybe looks like that from the outside, but I can guarantee you  every successful person I've ever met was lacking in one area of their life. Whether that is having close social relationships, whether it's having a good relationship with their parents, whether it's being successful in their career, whether it's like, don't know, having hobbies. ─ are fulfilling, having a great body, 

being 

in good health, like, 

you just 

can't have it 

all. 

So 

Yeah. 

that, ─── suddenly becomes a lot 

easier. ─ 

know

if that's good advice or not. ── 

No, I agree.

I think it's our generation, you know, because I don't think a lot of previous generations were thinking as much as we do now. Especially as the women that we are today and all the high expectations that are in the, in the world for us today. And I think you're right, , you shouldn't pressure yourself too much.

And also I think you should do mostly things that you like doing. You should do things that make you happy. And, Also, if you don't have goals or if you don't know your vision, because, sometimes it's hard to draft goals because you don't know what you want in your life or  you don't necessarily have this one dream that some people have, , where everything seems clear.

 At least, I think what's important is also to kind of understand what your values are. Like  if people think that you're a very generous person, very empathetic and that you agree with it and that you want to value it, maybe you ,  do more volunteering this year.

And maybe that will participate into the bigger vision, your life vision, you know? , as long as you get connected to those values and , everything that you do every day is still aligned with those values.

It can only be good, 

right? Because 

at least you can say to yourself, okay, today I did this thing and this is me. This is exactly what I like. This is my spirit. This is my soul. It made me happy to do that. Then perfect. Because what's the point of also having all those goals? If at the end of the day, it's not even you, right?

It's only like things that society ask you to do, but at the end, it doesn't even reflect who you are as a person. And sometimes you can get lost in that, .  

 I think it's a lot of reflection that you have to do on yourself. That,  I think we do a lot also in our generation. That all the people were not doing, because they were not asking themselves that many questions. They were like, well, I have this one job.

I have this one husband and this is going to be, My life and then we'll see how it goes

I mean, also, it's because 

we have more 

options, 

? 

Yeah 

if you were a woman living in I don't know, the Western world in the 1950s, you didn't have 

a lot of 

options. Like, you couldn't 

open a bank account without a man's 

signature for 

hmm. 

So, ── you know, like, what are you going to really do?

. But I think because our generation can do whatever we want. Within ─ reason  it's kind of 

 Overwhelming 

choice  

or you build your whole life based on this one goal and for X reason it doesn't happen and now , you have to review your whole choices and you're completely 

Panicking because nothing has happened  How you expected it because you had this one single thing in mind and life decided another way

it's like about embracing the fact that what makes us human is the fact that we have so many facets and like so many things that ─ us who we are as a person ─ and if you embrace all of these different aspects and like you said as long as you ── Can wrap those values that you want to live by and you understand what your values 

are, 

it's a good exercise to sit down and write. 

What 

are the three things that 

you value in other 

people? 

Yeah. 

Because then 

that gives you a reflection 

of like what is important to 

you 

Mm hmm. 

then how you can embody that as well. Like those things. And from there you can build a life like you were saying ─ that around those values, like around, ─ you said, if you are a very empathetic person, then. And you know that about yourself, you're going to get fulfillment out of things where you can express your empathy, whether that's being a teacher or being a coach or being a nurse  or if you are creative and you love that, you 

need to 

do something where you 

can embrace 

that. 

Yeah. 

And maybe the goal, the specific, like end of that, what would you want to achieve through that value ─── over time, but ─── , the overall, like, ─ makes you tick, as they say, ─── 

kind of stay the 

same. 

Yeah. And sometimes you need to reconnect to that little girl too, and remember, , the things that you like to do, , I think for me, I don't know for everybody, but I think for me, the things that I liked as a, as a child, I still like them, , like arts and crafts, being creative, dancing, 

and I mean, you shouldn't forget that because you're still that same person. 

For sure, everything evolved, but , you need to reconnect to also what was really the favorite things that you were doing in life where , you didn't have like  that bank account thing and that job and there were just a few things and your family and that's all you had and, and then that was making you happy.

So what are those simple things that really fulfilled you as a child that I'm sure keeps on fulfilling you as an adult?

This also reminds me of ,  because I'm getting 

married 

in the Catholic Church, 

and I had to do this 

course 

with 

my 

Yeah. 

about marriage,

Oh, yeah. 

like seven tips for a happy marriage, and one of them was , that you need to keep dreaming. And I think that's so true. And like, also, you need to dream together. they said, one of the things that they did, like the couple that was leading the session, they said they had this little booklet where they just wrote down their dreams. And they didn't make them goals, but every year they would just go through the book of dreams and then think about, you What could we do this year?

And sometimes it's doing a trip and now they were like living their dream, which was like, they had like an independent bookstore ─ on their farm, somewhere in middle of like nowhere, a ─ little coffee shop with it. And I was like, that's so nice. And they were like in their fifties and they were like, yeah, we both had like corporate jobs and we loved our corporate career.

And then at some point in our book of dreams, we both said that we wanted to live on a farm. So we were like, let's sell everything and go live on a farm. , and they asked in the exercise to talk to your spouse or your fiance about , what was something that you both , want or dream of. And my husband and I conjured up this whole thing about wanting to, , live in the Philippines on an island and, , having, like, an Airbnb there , with a,   Peruvian restaurant and, like, a fantastic brunch being served every day. ──── And that was like and we were both in agreement about that and then 

there's 

other dreams that he 

has his own dreams. I have my own 

dreams 

and 

Yeah. 

our 

mutual dreams.  

 That's beautiful.  , I love this idea of, of book of dreams.

dreams. 

Yeah. 

I like that too. 

Okay. It's a great note to end the episode.

Yeah, I agree. , if you have any,   other tips for people when it comes to goal setting and goal keeping, which is also not always easy, can, , pop it in the comments or reach out to us on social media or via email 

and then, yeah, maybe we'll bring 

it up next time

we 

talk. 

Yes, and 

I think that even the afterworks that we do at Women About Club and even just within the community that we have now, also helps with that,  goal setting and goal achievements, because you talk to people and then when you talk to people, you make new friends, you learn things from it too.

And there's so many times where Meeting new people and especially being abroad helped me achieving those goals or at least helped me, , just learning about things and, , progressing in my path. So I think, , a tip could be to also try to join communities like this and,  talk to people about your dreams and how you think you could receive any tips or, ,  advices on that.

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