The Love I Have

Welcome to this week's episode of The Esme Graff Podcast as I continue to talk about L O V E!

Love isn’t just about romance. In this heartfelt episode, Esme dives deep into the love surrounding us in unexpected places—friendships, family, community, and, most importantly, God’s unconditional love.

As a single mom, I know the pain of loneliness, but I’ve also discovered the power of investing in relationships that truly matter.

If you’ve ever felt love was missing from your life, this episode will encourage you to shift your perspective and find love in places you may not have noticed before.

You can listen to last week's episode, The Love I Lost  Here, and this is last year's episode on relationships, episode 5 

Please share your thoughts in the Q&A section on Spotify or connect with me at www.esmegraff.com.

Don’t forget to follow, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend. 

Be the person you were created to be and live life differently. 

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Transcript

Welcome to the pod, friends! It is good to be back for another episode—In the next couple of weeks, I will be talking about love, but not in the way you may expect.

Last year I talked about relationships also not in the way that most people do – for example, I talked about the 3 unhealthy Cs of relationships Competition, Comparison, and Criticism. I personally do not want to be in any kind of relationship with anyone who is competing, comparing or criticizing me. And just to be clear, giving feedback is not the same as criticism. I also talked about the 3 Life-giving G’s of relationships: growth, grace, and gratitude. I do want to be in relationships where people are encouraging me to grow treat me with grace and express gratitude for our relationship and for the things they have in live because gratitude is contagious. I want to be around people who are thankful. The link to that episode will be in the description so you can listen to it. 

Last week, I put the walls down and talked about two kinds of love that I’ve lost. I highly encourage you to go back and listen to that episode. My goal is to connect with you and create a presence that you can relate to and feel seen and understood. And, of course, you can always reach out to me to share your story 

Now, I will talk about the love I have today at the present time and next week, I’ll tell you about what I love about my job.  

When I say the word love, changes are that you’re thinking romantic love. And there is nothing wrong with that; I think, culturally speaking, we’ve been conditioned to go there.  I believe that not having a romantic love option in my life has allowed me to genuinely take the blinds off and realize that I have other kinds of love in life, and while I desire the presence of romantic love, the absence of it doesn’t make me loveless.  

I may also add that singleness is very complex and difficult. It is heartbreaking. I think single moms experience a type of “singleness” that is just hard. Not only do we have to feel lonely, but we also have to face the fact that we are alone. We don’t have anyone to turn to for support or help. 

But this is how I want to encourage you if this is you right now: My need for love and my desire not to be alone led me to find love in different places. Note that I didn’t say “in the wrong places;” I said “in different places.” 

I am honestly speaking when I say being alone and feeling lonely puts me in the deepest pit. And I may stay in the pit for a little, but eventually, the pit is not where I want to be. The pit is not what I was created for 

Loneliness and singleness forced me to find love in my community. I realized that if I wanted to have friends, I had to get out of my house and meet people. I’ve had the most success finding my tribe in Christian environments; it didn’t really happen at work or anywhere else. 

So, I invested in finding ways and making time to join a group at church and in about a year’s time I was leading groups and getting to know more people and connecting even more with the people I wanted to have in my circle. 

Most of my closest friends are people I met at church. I believe that was absolutely part of God’s plan for me and my kids. Some of the people I met there have impacted my life and my kids' lives. 

My friend Lisa makes it a point to take my girl out for coffee when she travels to Willmore, Kentucky. The Good Lord brought me those people, and I have put a lot of time and effort into building a friendship with them.  

So, today, I want to encourage you to think about your circumstances and, if there is a kind of love you’re lacking, instead of obsessing about it, take a look around and see what other kind of love is available to you. You may miss out on something good for you because you’re distracted by the wrong things. 

Let me tell you about my tribe, my village, my girls. These women and some men make me a better person because they speak truth, love, and kindness into my life and challenge me to grow.

These women are no strangers to letting me know they disagree with my point of view. I was having dinner with two of my friends, sharing about a situation I was struggling with, when I said, “Well, people don’t really change.” 

Oh, and without hesitation, my friend said, yah you’re right. That’s not the Gospel at all.  Ugh, she shot and hit the target! Who am I to say people don’t change? 

 There was another time back in 2019, one night while out exploring the city of Budapest, I was having a heartbreaking conversation about singleness with one of my best friends, and I remember saying something like why does it matter if I do what I am called to do when I don’t get the things I desire? Like part of my heart is miserable. And she looked at me and said something like: well, I guess the way I think of it is if, at the end of your life, you look back and see that you didn’t do what God called you to do because you didn’t have a husband. How will you feel about that? And she said, I think I would be sad you didn’t make a difference in the world because you were single.

 Again, my friends never disregard my heartbreak; they challenge my way of thinking with the truth—God’s truth. 

If I had never left the place of loneliness and singleness and decided to invest in friendships, I would be more alone now. I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am here today because someone believed in me. I am here because someone encouraged me. I am here because someone opened a door for me to walk through. I am here because I have friends who love me.  

Another love I have today is the love of my children. If you don’t have kids yet, think about the love of a family member you have today. Maybe it is your mom, your sister, your dad, your brother, or your grandparents.  

How can you invest and grow those relationships? Schedule routine lunch or dinner dates with your mom. If your siblings are married, don’t count yourself out of going out with them because you’re the third wheel. Go out and build upon those relationships. 

 I have one more kind of love today that doesn't compare, and that is the love of God. A God who loves me unconditionally is the best thing I have. I have learned that human love is ever so conditional. I know no one would give their life for mine. I know every mistake I make has the potential for unforgiveness in people’s eyes. 

There is only one who can love me more than anyone else, and that is God. Today I invite you to open your heart and mind to the idea that you are worthy. You are irreplaceable. No one can take your place. And you are lovable even when you’re mean.  

If you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and decide to live differently, my friend, I can’t promise you’ll have a husband or a parent or whatever you long for. But I can promise a different life—a life of joy, grace, and peace. 

Jeremiah 31:3 says, I have loved you with an everlasting love. John 3:16 says For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son.  That whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. 

Sure, there will be obstacles and trials because life is messy and hard, and we have to live with other humans who are also dealing with their own issues. But I am telling you, life with God is so much better than without him.

Friends, I had a great time hanging out with you today!  As usual, here is my disclaimer: Everything I share in this podcast comes from my personal experience. I can only hope is that my stories inspire and encourage you. I cannot give you professional advice, and I cannot say that if you do what I do you will have the same results. But I highly recommend you find a professional who can provide the support and help you need.

If this podcast inspires you in any way, give it a like, follow, and leave a review to make it easier for others to find it. You can also use the QA section on Spotify to let me know what you think of this episode.

 I would love to connect with you – you can reach out on social media, wherever you listen to podcasts or visit my website at www.esmegraff.com

 Have an amazing week. Be the influential person you were created to be!  I'll see you here next week. Later!