Trending In My Life: Peace Over Happiness

Welcome!!

This episode is for the single mom who’s tired of putting her life on hold while waiting for everything to feel “complete.” 

In this honest and faith-filled conversation, Esme shares the mindset shift that changed everything: choosing peace over happiness. From navigating divorce, heartbreak, and single motherhood to building a purposeful life, business, and memories with her children, this episode is a reminder that healing, joy, and growth are still possible right where you are.

If you’ve been struggling with identity after divorce, waiting for the “right time,” or wondering how to move forward with confidence, this conversation will encourage you to stop postponing your life and start living with intention today!

In this episode:

• Finding peace after divorce
• Letting go of shame, fear, and waiting
• Creating joy and meaningful memories now

This episode will remind you that your future is not on pause and neither is your purpose.

Go be the person you were created to be!

Podcat Website: The Esme Graff Podcast
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© 2024 Esme Graff LLC. All rights reserved.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Esme Graph Show. This space is dedicated to single moms who want to live out their purpose as they navigate the realities of motherhood, career, and personal growth. I am your host, Esme, Single Mom, Executive Leadership Coach, and Purpose Factor License Facilitator. On this show, I talk openly about what it's like to be a Christian single mom while pursuing my calling, building a business, and helping others grow personally, professionally, and spiritually. Consider this your invitation to take the next step to becoming who you were created to be. Well, hello, hello, my friends. I am so glad that you're spending a little bit of time with me today. Let me start with this. I am so thankful and I am constantly just in awe of how much and what God is doing with this podcast. This podcast was created with the intention of giving a voice to the struggles and the blessings of being a single mom. Because really, if we are honest, it's not all bad. Long story short, when I got divorced, I couldn't find any other divorced single moms to be friends with. Because I wanted to run and hide too. I never wanted to be known for being a single mom. But what I really wanted to see was someone who was ahead of me, someone who I can look and say, wow, one day that's gonna be me. One day it's going to be okay. I wanted to see someone and hold on to some hope, knowing that I wasn't going to stay in a dark, broken place forever. But I couldn't find that. So others can see that redemption isn't just possible, but it is a hundred percent doable. And today I meet women who are from all different walks, women who are single moms for a gazillion different reasons. And you know what we have in common? The heartbreak. What I have learned in the past 12 years is that it doesn't matter how much money you have or you get when you get divorced. It doesn't matter who gets the house, who gets the car, who gets the RV and the beach house, none of those things matter. The heartbreak and the damage divorce imposes on you and your children is the same, regardless of the circumstances. So part of my personal ministry is to share with other women how I overcame spiritually, physically, emotionally, and professionally. And that, my friend, is something that I am still doing. Every day I continue to overcome something. And that is truly the heart behind this podcast. Now, everything that I talk about here is to help you see that there are many different ways to get back on track after divorce and have a better life, a life that you deserve. And let me also remind you to be clear, you get to decide what a better life means to you. I don't get to tell you what to do, I don't get to tell you what a better life is. I simply get to offer options and share solutions that have worked for me or for someone that I know. And my friend, I just told you all of that because really just means the world to me when someone sends me an email or a DM. And you may be asking right now, but why does it mean so much to you, Esme? Well, that's because it really proves two things. One, it tells me that you who are reaching out to me are courageous. Courageous enough to reach out and share a little bit of your story with a complete stranger. I want you to know that when you reach out to me, that's the first thing that I know, and the first thing that I'm gonna give you a compliment for, for being courageous. And second, it allows me to let you know that you are not alone, my friend, that I am here with you and for you. So, the past couple of weeks, I have been talking about things that I believe we must do, and some things that I strongly, strongly believe we must stop doing if we want to grow into a better version of ourselves. And if you haven't listened to those episodes, I will link them in the description for you. But go back and listen. This is me just inviting you to go back and listen to those episodes because there's a lot in there that I do believe if you do or stop doing, you will become a better person. Oh oh, and there's also a coaching exercise to help you just be honest about where you are in life right now and why you are where you are. Okay, so let's get to what I want to talk about today, and that is something that I have been pursuing for the past five, four years, maybe, and this the mind shift that has really allowed me to have so much freedom over so many different areas of my life, and that is choosing peace over happiness. And here's the thing: you are more than welcome to disagree with what I think about this. All I want to do is share with you the freedom that I have found by having this mentality shift because having peace about the reality of where I am right now and what my life is like has given me the freedom to do what I'm called to do with gladness and with purpose, without any guilt or any shame. I was recently sharing with a friend about how when my kids were younger, I felt the weight of the world, and I wanted to find a husband so badly because I wanted my kids to grow up with a godly male figure in the house. Not only that, but I also wanted to model to my children what a godly marriage looked like, and to be clear, I was not trying to show my kids perfection in marriage. There is no such thing, okay? I was married for 12 years, I know what marriage is like, but I wanted to show my children the healthy ways to show up in marriage. I wanted to show them how much communication matters, how much how we treat people matters, how we value people matters in marriage, so that they could learn and practice the same things that I was doing in marriage. They could practice those things as they date and in the future as they get married as well. I felt the weight of that a lot in my life, in my soul, and to a degree I still do. Of course, it's a lot less now because the kids are young adults and they can see wrong from right, and and we do have other friends where my kids have been able to see how their marriage it's like and what they do, and and hopefully they have learned something out of that. We also talk about marriage and we also talk about how to do marriage in healthy ways, but there were a lot of things I didn't do because I didn't want to do them without a husband. One of those things was I didn't want to take vacations without a husband. I know it sounds a little crazy when I say it out loud, but but I didn't want to go places, I didn't want to do holiday parties or any other type of event without a husband. I was terrified to showing up alone to an event, and to a degree, I am still terrified to show up alone to an event, and that's just not in my personal life. Sometimes I'm scared to show up somewhere to represent my business and to represent my brand alone, and I want you to understand that I know what that feels like. I experience it all the time. Sometimes even going to church is hard. There are certain holidays where it's even harder to go to church alone. But about five years ago, I decided to take a trip to Tennessee with the kids. We took a four-day weekend, and that was one of the best trips we've ever been. I realized then that I don't have to have a husband to live a joyful life, and I don't want to waste my time not doing things I enjoy and not creating memories with my children, not doing things that are gonna be amazing when we think back in time or when we remember something that was funny, or somewhere we went, that it was the best thing that we ever did. I don't want to miss on doing those things and having those experiences because I am a single mom. And I made a decision then that I wasn't going to do that. I am not going to live a half-life because I don't have a husband. Since then, the kids and I have been to many day trips or day weekend trips, you know, during spring break, summertime, and sometimes we would just pick up and go somewhere because I don't want to live a half-life. And I want to encourage you to do the same. Listen, there is so much freedom in this. I no longer hold back on living my life. I can make memories, I can build a legacy being single, and I don't have to keep waiting for a husband to come for me to fully be the person I was created to be. Another thing I always wanted to do with a husband was start my own business. And I always had this idea that I would run my business with my husband, that it would be our business. And about a year and a half ago, I realized that you know what, I don't I don't have to wait. Like I felt the really strong calling to start my business as I am today, and start helping small businesses, start helping professionals to develop leadership skills that they need, communication skills that they need. And that's really the calling that I have in my life, professionally speaking. But I want you to understand that if I continue to wait without taking action, I am going to miss out on a lot of really good things. And I decided a long time ago that I wasn't gonna do that, and again, I want to encourage you to do the same. You see, I am currently at peace with the fact that I am still single. This isn't me giving up on finding a husband and giving up on the idea that I will get married again. This is me living my life and taking on opportunities to the fullest. This is me knocking on doors, and if they open, I am gonna walk right through those doors just as I am as a single mom. And let me tell you that the hope that I have for the future doesn't change who I am today. In fact, the hope that I have for the future makes me a better person today, makes me pursue life with joy, with grace, with a purpose, and makes me go right after the dream that I want to become a reality. And my hope and my prayer is that when you hear my story, you will be encouraged to do the same. I don't know where you are in life right now, I don't know where your journey is taking you as a single mom, but I don't want you to miss out on life just because you're waiting for a husband, or just because you're waiting for another job, or just because you're waiting for something. Like, don't wait anymore. Don't miss out on the opportunities because you're waiting for the perfect time or for the perfect person to help you out. Like, go out there and create the opportunity, go out there and put yourself in the rooms where there are people who are going to see you or help you or even just connect you with someone else. And my friend, most importantly, do not let anyone tell you that it cannot be done. And do not dare, don't you dare tell yourself that it will never happen. Because I promise you, if I can, I will just reach out and smack you in the back of the head and tell you, do not tell yourself those things, and don't you dare believe someone else who's telling you that. There is no place for that in your life. You are capable, it is possible, and you can do it. And if there is a place that you want to go, my friend, you have the power to make a plan and make it happen. It may take you some time, yes, it may, but if you put your mind to it, you can do it. Trust me on that. My friends, I've had a great time hanging out with you today. As usual, here's my disclaimer everything I share on this podcast comes from my personal experience, and my only prayer and hope is that my stories will inspire and encourage you. I cannot give you professional advice, and I can't say that if you do what I do, you will have the same results. But I highly recommend you find a professional who can provide the support you need. If this podcast inspires you in any way, give it a like, follow, and share it with someone who may benefit from listening to this message today. You can also use the QA section on Spotify to let me know what you think of this episode. I would love to connect with you. You can reach out to me on social media, wherever you listen to podcasts, or visit my website at www.esmicraph.com. My friend, have an amazing week. Go into the world and be the person you were created to be. And I will see you here next time. Until then, later,