S2 Ep 8 "Hometown is Where the Heart Is" Abby & Jay of Maple Shade Farm

From their kindergarten class photo, to a grilled cheese proposal, to becoming accidental entrepreneurs, Abby & Jay's love story is one for the books. In this episode of The Love Department, host Nik Lockhart continues to explore season two’s wedding theme by welcoming childhood sweethearts turned wedding venue owners, Abby and Jay.

Abby and Jay share their incredible lifelong journey, which began when they were paired up next to each other in a kindergarten class photo. After moving away, reconnecting this "girl next door" and the "boy next door," were pulled back together.

These hometown heroes have always prioritized comfort, family, and authenticity.

Today, they are the proud owners of Maple Shade Farm—a historic 213-acre estate in their rural hometown of Delhi, New York. They discuss how a dormant 1800s farm organically evolved into a bustling business that has fueled their creative passions, boosted their local economy, and strengthened their bond as a couple who works together.

Check out their stunning wedding venue Maple Shade Farm: www.mapleshadefarmny.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

You just have to go with the flow. Things happen, you know, and it's just, you know, that's what makes it kind of fun. And it's just, you know, I think people sometimes look for a reaction and it's like, you know, there's no need for drama. You know, we're going to work it out here. It's your day.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Our cake tipped over at our wedding. And, you know, it's just like it's the best cake we've ever eaten. You know, it's just those little things. There's going to be something. I know, because uh we want it to be perfect, but perfect has a different meaning to us, right? And so you have a scar, you have a story, you have a wedding bump in the road, you have a story, right? It makes it part of the day.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Welcome to the Love Department Podcast. I'm your host and chief love officer, Nick Lockhart. Season two has been filled with all kinds of wedding-related themes, and I am very excited to bring you today's guest. Abby and Jay have been together for many, many years. They met in kindergarten, and as fate would have it, they stood next to each other in the class photo. Their love is fully grown and has blossomed into three kids and a successful wedding venue business called Maple Shade Farm in Delhi, New York, the rural community that they grew up in. In this episode, we talk about how proposals don't have to be big events. Picking a venue for your big day, working with your spouse, and how to plan a wedding that is as authentic as you are. They are a couple who prioritizes the simple things like laughter and supporting small business in their local community. And they love a good party with all their loved ones. I can't wait to introduce you to Abby and Jay.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

We're in Delhi, New York. So we were in Mrs. Maxwell's kindergarten class, and I do remember two or three stories from that time period. So I remember the picture day because I was sandwiched in between one person that I wasn't close with and this boy, and it happened to be Jay. I do remember Jay getting in trouble at Mrs. Maxwell's farm. She had taken us on a field trip, and we were supposed to pack lunches, and we got a tour of the farm and the animals, and we were going down by the river. She was, you know, very strict, and think of like an older-looking school lady. You know, I would be nervous to do anything wrong, but for some reason I know a couple of boys did end up falling in the river and having to get a change of clothes, and one of them was Jay. Um playground, I do remember we had these orange salamanders, and for some reason he was gonna have a wedding with Lisa, one of our best friends. And I remember getting ready for that, and it was all exciting that Jay and Lisa were, you know, gonna have this little ceremony over by the salamander creek. So those are my earliest memories being around Jay early in life.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

And my oldest brother Jeff spoke that I would come home from kindergarten and I would talk about this Abby girl. Uh, I don't remember that, but my first recollection, uh, so we moved away for a few years and actually moved back to a small, small town in upstate New York called Bavina. That's where Abby was. And I remember looking out the side window of the house, and there was this beautiful blonde girl in eighth grade, and I was in eighth grade, and I looked out the window and I saw this girl, and it was it just I I equate it to um, you know, when we were kids, we'd watch this cartoon where somebody's eyes would like stretch their head kind of thing. And that was what I did. I was like, uh, who, you know, I I immediately I fell in love right there. I I just I was absolutely 100% in love with that girl next door. I didn't know that was where I was going to spend the rest of my life, but it definitely was a moment in time that I've never forgotten.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

You know I love a good reconnection story on the podcast, and this one makes me think about my first childhood crush, Brian. I remember he had very blonde hair with dark roots, kind of like the boys in InSync. And I always used to try to be on his team when we played games at recess. Brian moved away before kindergarten was over, and unlike Jay, he didn't move back to town. Sometimes I wonder whatever happens to our long-lost loves? And do they think of us every so often, too?

SPEAKER_01 4:50

These new kids move back to town, and then I just remember our friend group going, Oh no, it's the Wilsons. You remember Jay? We went to kindergarten with them. Uh, and so that was our first crossover. So Jay's sister was, you know, instantly. We gave her the test. We had to ride uh bikes out to the corner and back, which was two miles, and she only had a BMX bike at the time, and she made it with ease. Um, she was an amazing athlete, so she was like, we're like, she's in. Um, so we would hang out with her and then Jay, and so we would end up going to his house and we would play cards, or we'd go up to the little local library, and there were definitely chemistry there. There was a lot of flirting to begin with and that kind of stuff, but the foundation was just spending time doing, you know, those small town things, riding bikes, hanging out on the playground, uh, maybe some wiffle ball and uh things like that. And then, of course, uh starting the process of getting ready to go to high school.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

And I think the whole foundation next to our whole relationship was those, you know, four years, five years, whatever, that we were just really close. We were really, really good friends. I mean, I was full transparent with her. She knew how I felt about her. Um, through high school, I think we kissed twice, once uh over by behind the garage and once by her house. You know, it was just her kind of leading me along, if you will. Um, you know, just kind of keep keeping me on that short leash. You know, I think that's really the foundation of our long-term relationship is just how close we were as friends, you know, first and foremost.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

So in high school, there was just that I think that I really like you, but you know, there were some older, there were some older boys that also caught my attention. And, you know, we had to go through some of that process. So we we both dated other people and did the high school thing, but because it was such a small school and area, and the other friendships, we just were always around each other. There was always just that, you know, there's something there, but it almost, if you will, like we weren't ready for it yet. There were a lot of you know, mixtapes just to date ourselves to, some teenage angs, like you know, a lot of meatloaf, a lot of meatloaf.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Yeah, a lot of meatloaf.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Uh, you know, just some good stuff to like just make sure if there's still feelings there.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

You know, and I think I was a little bit of a wild card. I mean, I wasn't the you know, on a roll type student. You know, I love sports and things like that, but I'm a hands-on type person rather than a textbook learner. And I think that, you know, at that time in my life, I was, you know, I was probably a little bit of a wild card, like, you know, this person might be a gamble on how they turn out. I'm glad I was like that. Um, but I'm sure there was a little bit of a question mark in there.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Yeah, it's that that same boy who ended up in the creek. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, is he always gonna be in the creek?

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Despite being very good friends in high school, Abby and Jay didn't start dating until close to their senior year of college. In that time, they dated other people, had gone to separate schools, and basically moved on from their hometown crush. But, as it had before, things had a way of coming back around for these two. This time, they were ready for it.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

We went to two different colleges. Um he actually moved up to northern New York, and I think at the time I was like, Well, that's probably it, you know. He had had a relationship at the time. I thought that was probably gonna continue, and you know, I went off to my college and we kind of were doing our own thing. And I don't think we really reconnected till almost like the end of my junior year, beginning of my senior year, and his sister's like, You're never gonna believe who's gonna call you. And I'm like, Yeah who and he did, but it didn't go as smoothly as I think I was thinking it was gonna go.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

I was in a long relationship for like four and a half years, and doesn't sound like a lot today, but when you're 21 years old, it's a quarter of your life. She was going to a neighboring college, and we broke up, you know, it was a long time, and you know, up until that point, almost the most mature part of my life. And so I called Abby. I think I called her because I was gonna come down, come home, come back to Delhi and and visit. And I wanted to maybe connect with her and just because we were friends for so long, and I came down for the weekend, and I was supposed to on my way back see her, and I didn't. And uh yeah, that phone call uh was pretty rough after, but I learned something about myself at that point being with somebody for that long, I didn't even know who I was. I was obviously broke and you know, I'd been in a long-term relationship, and I said, I need to love myself before I can love somebody else. And she respected it. I don't know that she appreciated it, but I was like, I just gotta I gotta figure myself out. I think it was important for me to do that, and I'm glad I did.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

So then after that, I went up to visit him, and I think the trouble is you're like, when you know it, you know it, and that's it. You're like, okay. So I think we are waiting for that moment to be like, this is gonna be it. Yeah, it's scary.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

And it was actually, Nick, another phone call. I remember being in my college dorm, and we still don't remember who called who. I just don't remember that, neither does Abby. Yeah, but I knew when I got off that call that night, I was like, that's who I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. Just that moment, probably five minutes, you know. Because at the time you you paid 30 cents a minute for a phone, you know. So, you know, you're in college, that's real money. So it was probably a short and sweet call, but I just knew that that was that was the call. My rest of my life is already starting to take form, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

They say the number one thing that will have the biggest impact on the course of the rest of your life is the person you decide to spend it with. And it's true. There are a million, probably a trillion decisions in our lifetime, and this one choice of partnership can affect so many of the smaller decisions that come after it. It's as simple as changing the coordinates on a GPS by just a few barely noticeable degrees. That journey could be set on a whole new trajectory. After dating long distance, Abby and Jay decided it was time to move in together and give this relationship a real shot.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

We decided we were gonna move in together, which was also a tough conversation for my traditional parents. It was a big deal then to move in with someone and not be married, especially you know, to my parents. But we knew it was the right thing to do, and and Jay had some opportunities right out of college, and I was gonna follow him, and that was our choice. And so we moved uh to Connecticut and got our first apartment and our first dog, and you know, did that couples thing right after college.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

It's just a natural attrition, I guess. You just you you constantly, in my mind, want to move forward. I just think there's steps in life that you take. For me, it's just more of you know, is it right? Is this the right person? There was no doubt for us, maybe some doubt for Abby. I don't know, I didn't doubt it. But Abby and I probably honestly would have never gotten married if it wasn't for kids. But we're traditional people, we were completely happy living together. I mean, our family was, you know, obviously pressuring us, but whatever. We were happy, we were content, but we wanted to have a traditional family. And to do that, we married. We didn't do it just to get married, we did it because we wanted to have a family and you know, be one. And that's more that was probably more important to us.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

The living together to me, I think it depends on the couple, but I think that you have to experience that to know if you really are compatible and if you can be patient, because that's the story I thought you were gonna tell with each other's bad uh habits or or you know, work share load, who does what, all of those things. Those are really complex issues that people don't realize how intense it is. And maybe you had that experience when you have your first roommate in college, or if you had to share a room when you were younger, you know, you're used to some of that kind of stuff, but some people aren't. And so it's a big adjustment when you're really around each other a lot more. There's household duties or expectations. And so I'm kind of a slob and I have too much stuff and I have too many clothes. And so uh, you know, he had to put up with that kind of stuff, and I'm not really good with time, so I wouldn't be on time or back when maybe he thought I should be back home from work, you know. So there were some give and take and some adjustments that I thought was really important. Um and I think the way you say it is like, am I willing to do, you know, put up with this for the rest of my life? Because people only change so much, right? You meet each other to a certain point, but you ultimately have some of those inherent qualities forever. That so for me it was really important to live together and sort that stuff out so that you could deal with the harder stuff that came your way.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

For a couple that works in the wedding business, their proposal was nothing like the dazzling displays that Abby now creates for their brides and grooms. In fact, their proposal was just like the two of them: homie, laid back, and beautiful. Proof that it doesn't have to be a perfectly choreographed moment to be a special one.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

We're pretty laid-back people. My proposal was very anticlimatic. We were living in New Hampshire at the time. We were sitting watching TV and eating grilled cheese and tomato soup. And I said, Well, I think we probably should get married. And Abby said, Yeah, you're probably right, and then we just kept eating. Honestly, you know, I didn't go get an engagement ring because I'm like, why would I pick your ring out? You you're the one that's gonna wear it the rest of your life. I want you to pick out something that you want, and so she picked out a beautiful antique ring from a local jewelry store here in Delhi. At the time, again, we were living in New Hampshire, but we visited quite a bit and we wanted to buy a ring from Delhi, New York. I gave her the money, but she bought an antique ring. I don't know what it means, but you know, we're just not the type of people where we need something, you know, big stone, and you know, it's just not who we are.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Yeah, you know, my mom and I went to that jewelry store. It was an estate ring from a local person. It was a 1920s, just this beautiful, simple cut, but like pretty setting. And I was like, I just I just love this. This is unique, you know. And so I've always had an affinity for like old things and things that weren't really that flashy.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Um so it was very, very memorable, pretty basic stuff. You know, I didn't get on it on one knee or anything like that. So of course not.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

You were eating grilled cheese and tomato soup.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Yeah, it's delicious, it's still a family favorite.

SPEAKER_02 16:42

We're under contract every week with our kids. Grilled cheese and tomato soup one night a week, and tacos one night a week. Other than that, we can kind of do what we need to, but we're under contract to at least serve those once a week.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yeah, I think we're like so traditional and untraditional at the same time, right? Like, since we had lived together for so long, we were getting so much, you know, when are you getting married? You know, and our friend group was starting to get married. It's like, you know, we always knew we were gonna get married, but that proposal kind of shaped too the way we handle things, whether it be Valentine's Day or you know, big events, and the same thing goes, like we just I don't have to have flowers on a birthday. It's the day-to-day things that are more special than oh, I have to think about you this day or that day.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

This reminds me of how I found my wedding band. I too am a lover of vintage, and discovering something old and giving it new life is really exciting to me. We were getting married in three days, and I hadn't yet found a ring for the occasion. So on a whim, I went down to this lovely vintage store in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York City. It's called Pippin, and it's one I have been to many, many times over the years, and as luck would have it, they had the perfect ring. It was about a hundred years old, and there was some mystery around it as the shop didn't really know anything about the previous owner, and it fit my tiny fingers perfectly without having to be resized. I love looking at it next to my modern custom-made sparkler by my friend Carrie Lynn, who I interviewed in episode three of the podcast this season. It reminds me that when things are right, they sort of just fall into place. Just like meeting the love of your life and planning your wedding day.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

We got married in our hometown where Jay first saw me when they moved back. So we got married at the little church up the road, and I think the coolest thing was the parade from my house to the church. So my dog at the time was Daisy, our family dog. And like Jay said, he has a bunch of sisters, so they were all included. And my parents, and it's it's close enough to walk, but it was definitely a a show. And being from a small town where folks, you know, love to know what's going on. They came out on their porches and decks, and we walked up the street in my wedding dress to the church. It was awesome.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Abby's house is on one end of the village, and the church is on the other. So literally, it was a her aisle block was right down Main Street of mine.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

That is amazing. I've spent a lot of time in upstate New York, so I know exactly the kind of street that you're talking about, and it makes me so happy.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Yeah, and it wasn't intentional to be like a show. It was just like I this is what I would do my whole childhood. It's just a walk to the church. It's walk up by the playground where we did all of our stuff, and it became a really cool, cool moment.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

And Nick, it was the only time in her life she was on time. Yep. If you can believe it.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Thank goodness. Yeah. I was one minute early, I think.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Yeah, which has never happened since.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

So if you're wondering what these hometown heroes and future wedding venue owners had in store for their big wedding day, well, it looked a lot like the weddings they plan now. Full of local favorites, cherished family memories, and a whole lot of wholesome fun. Makes in a little tradition, and you've got a beautiful day that felt like it belonged not just to the couple, but all the people they loved as well.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

I was nervous, obviously. The pastor basically, when I had to do my vows, I had to do them about one or two words at a time because I was so nervous. I'm a huge family person, so you know, memories of that day was just all my brothers and sisters. My parents were gone, my grandmother, you know, just all the people that meant so much to us were there. You know, I love having everybody together. So, you know, good times. We didn't have an A list or a B list. We just invited everybody to the wedding. We did it at a ski center that Abby's family used to own called Bobcat up in the Andes, New York. And I think it was like 250 people, you know, kegs of beer, barbecued chicken, you know, corn on the cob, potato salad, you know, just it was just a real, it just, you know, it fills my bucket when all my loves are around me. So yeah, I'm good with that.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Yeah, I think it was like in a place of comfort where I had grown up. I taught Jay to ski there. I was just a really family, like if you could go back to 1965 ski areas, it's just like that cozy little lodge, a mom and pop kind of feel, a beautiful back deck. So you had the Catskill Mountains there. We walked out under, you know, cross ski poles and some crazy stuff like that, you know. Like Jay said, it wasn't a super fancy menu, but the food was delicious. And my mom made this, and his stepmom made some of this, and his sister made the cake, and it was beautiful, and it was an elevated event, but it was also comfortable and fun. And we just, like he said, we invited everybody we wanted to, and it was dancing and laughing. And cousin did a few random redneck fireworks. Was just it was the beginning of like stuff that we kind of can relate to today with the weddings. You know, we were the do-it-yourselfers, and by then I had already helped some friends with weddings. So those were my fun memories, just those little pieces that elevated it, but the comfort of just like Jay said, our family and friends, just the yeeha, and about time was the comment.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

I think that is one of the main reasons to have a wedding, is just to be able to get to invite everyone into what is already a really happy, joyous, loving relationship. Like many things in Jay and Abby's life, the vision for what was to come found them when it was ready. This time, it came in the shape of a farm that was built in the 1800s and 213 acres in their hometown of Delhi. It was owned by some people who only spent part of their time there. Abby and Jay purchased the estate from them in 2007. Soon thereafter, Mapleshade Farm was born. A perfect partnership of manual labor and a lot of love. You mentioned that at the time you had kind of already started helping other people with their weddings. I'm definitely curious about when and how the idea for the two of you to go into business started. Was it the idea always to do it together?

SPEAKER_01 23:58

I don't think so. I don't think that was originally our, you know, he had a career. I was trying to figure out what exactly my career was, ended up being like a visual merchandiser and doing displays and store opening. So I'd always had that creative, you know, mindset and kind of visions.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

I I don't think we ever had intentions of being in business together. We we both had very successful careers. I got to the point where I wasn't sure I was gonna probably retire with this company. And in the 90s, you know, you went to work for somebody and you stayed with them. You know, today it's a little bit different. Uh, career paths tend to be a little bit more accelerated and you know, a little bit more movement into other companies. We knew our passion was to be back at Delhi. You know, we had a great experience here, great education, and we wanted our kids to have um the same experience we did.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

But then this opportunity came uh once we decided to move home to raise our family.

SPEAKER_02 24:57

And so this place was dormant. I mean, there was nothing here. The windows were all boarded up, the barn hadn't really been touched since probably the late 50s. Um, and so our vision was to obviously clean it all up and go into agritourism, um, pumpkin patch, hay maze, hay rides, you know, just things like that.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

We wanted to share kind of our youth and the nostalgia of small town living with folks. Tourism was just starting to peak in the area, so that was our main vision when we decided to leave our main careers. But we soon found out, you know, this corner of the Catskills isn't bustling all the time. It's definitely seasonal and rainy weekends weren't gonna pay the bills, so uh we kind of dabbled in some other stuff. I just met somebody at work and they were getting married, and I remember helping them with their wedding. And as I reflect on the wedding in kindergarten, you know, I was probably rounding up the salamanders and some dandelions, and and that led to me helping, you know, somebody else too. And I I kind of had the bug. I didn't have a vision of doing that per se. We like to entertain and and like Jay said, you know, we we can throw a mean party. We just had one last night here with friends. We just we enjoy doing it. So all of that stuff came natural. So our skill set to just care about people, to listen, to host people came naturally.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

We live in rural America. I think there's something like 45,000 people in Delaware County, so very rural. And a family friend of ours, so we went to school with her. Um, she was living in Arizona with her fiance. She came home, found out that we had bought the farm, and she came to see us and said, you know, I've I've driven by this farm my whole life. I live up the road. Would you guys be interested in hosting our wedding? For us, or for me anyways, wedding wasn't even in the stratosphere for us. You know, it just wasn't something that I really considered it. Um, but Nick, when it comes to throwing a party, um, we're not good at much, but we're pretty good at throwing a party. You know, we're like, yeah, we'll do it. So we hosted our first wedding a year after we bought the farm. It was like August of 2008.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Barn weddings um weren't even really thought of at that point. Not that we think we're pioneers or anything like that, but um we kind of got done with that wedding, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to go, this is a pretty good thing. This is kind of interesting to us. Maybe this is something we'd be interested in doing. So we just kind of let it organically grow. I think our next couple actually, we were sitting on our bridge having a beer on a Friday afternoon or something. We were watching our neighbor like cut down a tree, and this couple kind of walks up around the back of the barn and and was like, excuse me, um, do you guys do weddings here? And and we're like, Yeah, we do. Um, you know, so it was funny. So that's really how our business kind of took off. It wasn't some like huge business plan or, you know, some huge vision. It was just kind of like, well, let's just see what where this takes us.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

After a short break, we'll be right back to hear how Abby and Jay went from gathering salamanders to wedding venue entrepreneurs. We'll be right back with more of the Low Department. Before the break, Abby and Jay had just struck gold when they bought a rundown farm in their hometown of Delhi, New York. They decided to leave their successful careers and go into the wedding business together. Maple Shade Farm was born, and soon this synergy of creativity and business sense was obvious not just to them, but to hopeful brides and grooms who needed a place to get hitched.

SPEAKER_01 28:59

I think it was it it was Julie and Matt. I'll I'll never forget. That was the first, like it felt like a real wedding, right? We were like, all right, you know, she had some stuff from, you know, I don't even know if Pinterest was hot then, but you know, stuff from a magazine and pictures she had showed me. She's like, Do you think we can do this, this? You know, I'm like, of course, you know, so my creativity got to expand. Uh, and Jay's work ethic was like, oh, yeah, we'll move this, we'll do, you know, and so that's what started really making us go, oh, this is this would be great for us. This really suits our skill set, like you said, our values. You know, we love relationships and love stories and all those kinds of things. And not only that, but I think we're most proud too of the economic impact it's made on our corner of this area, because then people stay and hire other professionals. And so that's meant a lot to us as well to make a difference for not only ourselves, but our neighbors and friends uh who have businesses as well. So we've really seen Delhi grow and as the tourism has expanded, you know, that's offered us other opportunities. Weddings were part of the business plan, like when we had birthday parties and whatever on some list somewhere, but they became the business.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

You're definitely on to something about how in these towns there is a connective thing where if one business is doing really well, the whole town really starts to benefit from it. And I think that's something that we miss a lot is that connective issue between the business across the street and the business uh on the other side of the street. It reminds me also there was another couple of this season who they had their wedding in France, but we talked a lot about um how important they were picking their vendors were to them. You know, they wanted to pick vendors that they felt had the same sort of like joy and love and enthusiasm that you guys have. And it comes through, I think, in a wedding. You know, you can tell when the vendors, you know, this is their third wedding this week and they're burning on burning the fumes. It's something that I think really makes a difference when you have vendors like you all that really care about um more than just your bottom line, so to speak, you know.

SPEAKER_01 31:19

Yeah, I think that's the most fun is like trying to tell somebody's story through the space and the decor. So I remember when we when we met you, we were leaving, and I know the other vendors, we were nervous coming to the city, right? We're like, well, we're just this, you know, rural couple. We think we know what we're doing, you know. And I remember walking into that ballroom and everything was just white, and they said it didn't didn't feel like a wedding show. I'm like, it feels like a wedding show. And uh Jay's like, do you still want me to bring up those chairs and this, you know, again being that collector and the things and all the junk, you know, he allowed me to start to really fill in the space. We had all these props and a carload of stuff, and we just said, Yeah, we're gonna just be ourselves, like because it's the easiest thing, you know, authenticity takes no time and energy from your efforts so that you can just be you. So we set it all up, and and so we were the talk of the show in a way because people were curious about what we did, and you know, like, oh, I love this and I love that, and you know, just gave us, you know, the the imposter syndrome was gone. And I'm like, this is what why we get some of the best couples, because people can feel that we really care about the details, the stories, the the nuances of things. And so we were still energized because people were still asking us questions on the way out. I'm like, we do have an awesome story, we do have an awesome business. Not that I really doubted it, but you know, when you put yourself out there in a different space, so we tend to get couples that really value that attention and sincerity.

SPEAKER_00 33:01

I definitely picked up on that as well. I was like, no, they're they're doing something, they're unique, they're interesting, and like on top of it, they look like they're having a really good time. I really love your use of that word authentic in terms of what a wedding could and should be. Yeah, it shouldn't just be these things that you do because it's traditional or because your mother-in-law wants them. It should be a little authentic to the couple. Um, what are some of the ways that you help your couples to do that?

SPEAKER_01 33:33

Well, I think I'll jump in first. One of the I think things we do the best at, Jay's better than I am, but we listen and we try to curate what's the key words and key things that we keep hearing from themselves in that interview to be like, all right, this is what's important to them. And we kind of put together some of those words, and uh I create a vision board uh with the the looks and things and try to pull it together for them. And I think that's what they appreciate that you listen and it feels like it's their day. We really listen and we give them permission, like you said, to make it authentically them, that there's no, you know, rules anymore. You can do it your way, how you want. Um, and I think that's what they appreciate about us, that we build a sense of trust so that they, you know, my best thing is like we trust you. We just want you to do the the flowers in this. We know you and Jay are going to be able to pull it off exactly the way we want. So that freedom for us to sew that story together is fun for me.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

We do this, Nick, every weekend, basically, from Memorial Day to Columbus Day. Uh we don't do as many weddings as we used to. We we've kind of streamlined a little bit. We do about 12 weddings a year. Uh that's what we want to do. And, you know, couples walk through the door, and this is typically their first time. So they're not experts in the wedding business, but we feel that we are doing it for as long as we have. Um, it's funny because we'll we'll tour couples and they really don't know their vision, but you know, we'll ask the the questions. And Abby has just such a creative mind that she pretty much knows what the couple wants before they know what they want. For instance, we had a couple here probably five or six years ago. Her name was Shannon. Abby couldn't be here for the meeting that day, so she told Abby exactly what she wanted. She wanted Abby to make like a table setting for her of exactly what she wanted for the florals on the table and things like that. And Abby on another table didn't tell anybody, put what she thought Shannon would like. So she walks in and we're and she's looking at this and the display, and she keeps looking over at this other table. She's looking at what Abby put together and she goes, I like that, but I really like that. You know, Abby just has a way of just knowing what people's vision is, typically before they know what their vision is. We understand. I mean, to me, for our couples, this is the second most important day of their life, and that's how we treat them. I hear so many horror stories about vendors and things like that. Nick, we have amazing vendors. Our vendors are just like us, and we're not exclusive or anything like that, but we have people that care about you know our business, they care about their business. We all are kind of pulling the same rope, if you will, to make sure that our couples have amazing days. Um you know, if if we have to carry a plate of food to help the caterer out, you you better believe we're gonna do it. And if our caterer has to, I don't know, go get somebody's car for valet or something like that, they do that. You know, it's just kind of everybody pulling in the same direction to make sure that these days are awesome.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Yeah, it's it's an interesting thing because I think couples are sometimes off put by us at first because you're like, it wasn't like that at our last tour or the last minute. We're like, well, this is how it is here. This is just who we are. It's like what you see is what you get, you know. Jay's gonna be wearing shorts in the middle of winter for this tour, his car heart hats up, and you know, he'll be dressed up for the wedding, but we're we're working, we're working towards getting this place, this, that, and other. And so the couples that do find us and fall in love with it are just like, wow, there was once I knew, I knew, and you know, we trust you, and the thrill of just like bringing it all together, and we just have this huge network of couples that still come back to visit and check in on us or follow us on social media, and it's amazing kind of the network and the stories that we've been a part of.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Touring wedding venues can be a daunting task coupled with other wedding planning questions and throw in a few parental requests or demands, and you might feel like you're in over your head pretty quickly. Similar to what we discussed in episode five with Tracy and Eddie this season, picking vendors is as important as picking your dress. Realize that they're gonna be guests at your wedding too, and so having people like Abby and Jay in your corner can really make sure that the day is thoughtful and filled with as much love as you envision it to be. Here's how a venue tour typically works and what you can expect in the process.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

Through the touring process, they're interviewing us basically, right? We do get feedback from couples as they're touring. You know, maybe another venue did this or another venue did that, but we interview them as they interview us. You know, we want their day to be perfect and beautiful. And so I think it's important that we have a connection with them as well. You know, we want to have a good time too. Abby and I get done with a tour, and we're definitely like, yeah, I don't know about this couple, or wow, this couple is awesome. We really want this wedding. So, you know, once we get through that, you know, because we book 80% of the people that tour. Oh, and our barn is a barn. I think what we bring to the table. So Jay and Abby Wilson have no staff. Okay, it's us. We do have vendors, but we have one guy that works for us a few hours a week helping me mow lawns and do stuff like that. Uh, but something that was important to us as we evolved in this industry was that this is going to be a family business. Um, we don't have employees, it's us. So, you know, as we get through that process, you know, the next steps really the follow-up, and then there's some business discussions to have. We talk a little bit about vendors, we talk kind of timelines, you know, depending on if they're, you know, today if they're touring for 2025 or 2026, you know, if they're touring for 2025, a little bit more pressure to lock in some vendors versus, oh, it's 2026. Uh, maybe you need to lock in some transportation at this point. All of our vendors are handshake type vendors, you know, you make a call and say, hey, do you have this date available? A lot of times I take care of all that, you know, just depending on the season and if it's an upfront close wedding or, you know, kind of an out there wedding like 2026 or 2027. Um, but really it's kind of like a business meeting in a way. You know, these are some of the things that we need to probably accomplish. And then we let the couple kind of drive the communication. There's some couples, Nick, that we talk to once every couple of weeks, and there's literally couples that they tour, and the next time we see them is two days before their wedding. You know, so it's not fair to us to really drive that. They drive that because I want to meet their needs. It's not our needs we're trying to meet here, it's their needs.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

I think it's that organic communication with us, again, just being authentic and really being passionate about what we do and caring about each couple. Every couple has different needs. And we always say, too, to just start with your priorities. So what's the most important thing? If it's it's food, if it's guest count, then you make decisions down the down further of what maybe you don't have this because you really want to prioritize this. And I think um, I think that's what couples appreciate about us most. Not only are we real, but we help them sort through those decisions so they aren't as tough as they're made out to be, or somebody else, you know, in their family or friend group is like, oh, you should be worrying about, you know, this or that. You're gonna get a lot of unsolicited advice that sometimes is detrimental, not positive. Um, and we've just tried to be that way our whole level. It's like you gotta be real and we're gonna make it great. But these are kind of our, you know, non-traditional steps. We kind of go with the flow, but our couples need their priorities, like Jay said, the date. Uh, and I to me it makes it more fun.

SPEAKER_02 42:08

And it's no big deal. I mean, we'll have I might have a bride call me today or text me today and say, hey, can we jump on a call and at two o'clock this afternoon? And yeah, sounds good. You know, what do we need to discuss? Things like that. I don't like stress, and I don't want our couples to stress.

SPEAKER_00 42:26

Ah, yes, wedding stress. Honestly, this is unavoidable no matter what size wedding you plan on having. But what Abby and Jay shared with me is that it's not about the moments that go wrong, those will inevitably be there, but how you move through them. Having vendors or wedding a planner that you can trust to get you over the hurdles with a smile on their face so that you can get back to smiling in the photos on your wedding day. Because when you look back at it, you might be surprised to find that those mishaps are all the stories that make the memories all the more memorable.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

Probably one of the nicest compliments we've gotten, and it's been from several couples, is like there's just no stress there. You know, this is fun. Yeah, you're gonna have your little meltdown and and things like that, but you know, we're solution-based. You know, the second I focus on a problem, I'm not focusing on what are we gonna do about it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

Meltdown's allowed, but we don't stop there.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

Our couples always always say, Jay, you're just never wound up. I'm like, well, we're gonna figure it out. It's not a big deal. Yeah, and you know, after the wedding, Nick, I might say, Well, I was pretty freaking wound up, but I wasn't gonna show you that. You know, it's kind of like you're it's kind of like your first plane trip, you know, you're like, I'm gonna just watch everybody else. And if nobody else is wound up, I'm good to go. If everybody else gets wound up, I'm gonna be wound up.

SPEAKER_01 43:51

So the challenge of a venue like ours is you know, you're you're indoors outdoors, and to move people, you have to kind of go outdoors. So Weather to us can be a bummer when you know that this couple spent a lot of time thinking about what the outdoor space might be like, or we have to move people and it's not ideal.

SPEAKER_02 44:14

But with that being said, some of our best weddings were rain weddings because you know you close the doors and you're inside. And I would say, you know, the top five weddings that we've had here, I'd say, you know, they were awesome weddings. Yeah. Yeah. So because again, you know, I think Nick, it's not, it's never the problem, it's the solution.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Our transparency and what we we try to be real about that, you know, we're gonna take it as it is, we're gonna fix it, and you're not you're probably not even gonna know till the next day if there was a problem, or even then, you know, a pouring rain or something got blown over with the wind, and then we fix it and we move on and then celebrate the next moment.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

Yeah, I think that's very important and and something you definitely don't hear because I think so many venues there tend to be this kind of rubric template guideline for how the planning process and then how the ceremony and event process goes. But having access, it sounds like to the two of you to be more flexible, to be more creative. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

What you just said there, Nick, with kind of the regimented and the words you use, you know what that sounds like? No fun.

unknown 45:23

No fun.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

It's gotta be fun. Man, it's just gotta be fun. You know, we had a wedding a few years ago where they uh uh it was a great couple, and uh they uh they were about an hour late because they ended up firing their, and it wasn't anybody we recommended for hair and makeup. Tiffany gets off the bus and I she goes, We're late. And I said, Tiffany, I've already burned the itinerary. No matter now, we're just gonna have a good time. And we did it was perfect, you know. But you know, you just have to go with the flow. Things happen, you know, and it's just you know, that's what makes it kind of fun. And it's just, you know, I think people sometimes look for a reaction, and it's like, you know, there's no need for drama, you know. We're gonna work it out here. It's your day.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

Our cake tipped over at our wedding, and you know, it's just like it's tasted the same thing. The best cake we've ever eaten, you know. It's just those little things. There's gonna be something, I know, because uh we want it to be perfect, but perfect has a different meaning to us, right? You have a scar, you have a story, you have a wedding bump in the road, you have a story, right? It makes it part of the day.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

At the time of this interview, they've been hosting weddings at Maple Shade Farm together for 12 years. So I asked them about what it's like working with your spouse. If it was hard to set boundaries for family or date nights when it came to running a business together. And as I'm sure you can already guess, they're a natural fit when it comes to navigating their work-life balance. Well, most days. How does that play out for you?

SPEAKER_02 47:07

Well, thank goodness we have 213 acres.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

You go to your corner.

SPEAKER_02 47:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

Yeah, it's a it's definitely another level to a relationship, right? Like it's awesome because you have those same values and you know each other's habits. So you have the patience, you have the trust that you're both gonna pull through because it's really meaningful. You know, you can't quit. You can have a tantrum for a moment, but you got to get back to the work at hand. So I think it made it really easy because of all those foundational factors. And then skill-wise, neither one of us is are really, I would say, hospitalities trained, but we were like retail business people. Jay's just that business-minded, and he taught him how himself how to build things, and you know, he's the chair mover and the the lifter and the catch mover, and you know, he does A to Z, and I get to make everything look pretty.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

It's like a pitcher in baseball. I, you know, I pitch the seven innings, and then Abby comes in and closes. I mean, I mean, that's really what our relationship is. Um, you know, she's the closer, she's the detail. I'm gonna get all the things in a place where she needs them, and then she's gonna come in and you know, make it look awesome. One of the first wedding shows we ever did, we literally looked like junkers. We were bringing in all this junk, and people were just looking at us, going, Who are these people? And when Abby got done with the display, everybody was like, huh? You know, it was gorgeous, it was beautiful. We both strive for perfection, and we both have different visions of perfection. So we definitely, you know, go toe-to-toe at times, but we never lose focus on what's important, and it's it's our couple and their family and friends that strive, that passion for what we do. Um, we have it every weekend, and we really enjoy what we do, and it's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 49:20

I think the skill set thing traverses we both love curmudgeons or problems in our own way because we see them as opportunities. And like Jay said, we might be wound up in the moment, but we're gonna solve it right there. So sometimes he gets those kinds of things because he's the greeter, and then you know, I've gotten the rowdy groomsman who wants another drink and grabs this. I'm like, yeah, I'm the bouncer as well, my friend. Can I help you? Yeah. And that clears up pretty quick. So those skill sets are so funny how we kind of manage the day. And again, that non-traditional of how we flow through things flows through like our whole life. So, like Jay will give the wedding tours and he'll be the main contact for the brides that are stressed out because that seven sisters and that compassion, and you know, I'm off in La La Land, you know, dreaming about flowers. And this is like, if you want somebody to call you back timely, it's gonna be me. Abby's gonna get back to you after I remind her. Did you see that email from you know, so there's those kinds of nudges, but again, it it came from our relationship every day, and we have those non-traditional things too. So I think part of your question was managing that working together, living together. And we just one of the reasons that I, you know, I knew that I loved him is because he cared for his family members and raised his little sister. So he's the cook. He changed diapers, you know, he does the laundry now. He's he's taken over the carpooling, he'll do that. He'll let me be the closer and do my own thing, and those skill sets transcend house, home, family, and business life.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

There's something really beautiful about having a partner who can not only support your visions, but your strengths and your skills and all of those little things that already make you who you are, they become that much better.

SPEAKER_01 51:18

I agree. This may not work for you because we are the Bickersons. We we have our battles publicly. I guess there used to be an old radio show. You can look it up, the Bickersons. We we don't keep our things that we disagree about, or you know, he wants to leave at a certain time. He's like, you know, I'm leaving, I'm gonna pull out of the driveway, you know. And they're But I never do. He has pulled away and made me chase after the car. And then we get over it, nothing lasts, right? It's like if instead of letting it build up or having those kinds of things, and the same thing happens when you're in business, you know, he's has an expectation and he's like, you gotta move on from that display, we gotta finish this, you know, onto the arbor, we gotta go, we gotta go, you know. And when the fingers snap, I uh my blood boils, but then I'm like, I know he's right, because if he wasn't keeping me on task. Um, so that balance and that transparency and that authenticity sometimes makes people uncomfortable, but it works for us, and um, we just never stay angry or never stay frustrated.

SPEAKER_00 52:26

The idea is you know, the marriage is less forever, the disagreement doesn't have to be.

SPEAKER_01 52:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 52:34

The arrangement where you know he's doing more cooking or you're doing more of the heavy lifting on this, it does that's not what's forever. And I think a lot of times couples get caught up into like, oh, this is always gonna be this way. You always, always, and it's like, no, no, the marriage is the part that's supposed to be forever.

SPEAKER_02 52:51

Nick, I can remember like 20 years ago, somebody asked me a question of something like, What's the last five things you guys thought about or argued about? And I couldn't name them. You can't name them. And I just never forgot that, you know, we're gonna disagree on things and it's the way it is, and who cares? I mean, at the end of the day, you know, we're just all trying to be the best, you know, married couple, parents, whatever it is, just trying to do the best job we can. Nobody needs to be right. Abby's always right.

SPEAKER_01 53:22

I do like to be right somewhere. She's the oldest next.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

She's the oldest, so your wedding day is probably gonna be one of the happiest moments of your life, and certainly one of the happiest in your relationships. And as I've learned this season from all of the couples, as long as you do it your way and do exactly what you have set on your heart to do, you'll be able to look back many, many years after that and not remember the stress of it all. Not any five major things that maybe went wrong, but you'll just remember how happy you were. And that's something that Abby and Jay really drove home for me. When I asked them about what their favorite part about seeing couples get married over the years on their farm, here's what they said they loved most about weddings.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

I love the energy of them. Abby and I have never missed a wedding here. We typically have our ceremony pond side. Um, so it's like a 20-yard walk, 30-yard walk, something like that. And we have two big 12-foot doors that were closed, and then the ceremony's on. It's usually the bride and whoever's walking her down the aisle. And we, the the amount of energy that is in there between, you know, us two behind the doors and the bride and whoever's walking her down the aisle. I just I thrive on that. It's just so raw. I mean, I've been up there with them crying. I love people on our farm. We probably see between five and eight thousand people here a year. And, you know, when there's nobody here, there's no energy here. You know, you know what I'm saying, not us. And so I really, I really thrive on that. It's just it's so much fun to hear people's story. Um, they want to hear our story, and you know, that really drives my train.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

Yeah, I think the I love the juxtaposition of the rawness of, like Jay said, it's truly an authentic 1800s barn. So there's just a reality to it that you can't change. There's, you know, a rusticness that is real. Somebody hand, you know, built and placed these things that we never wanted to change. And then that element of, you know, a gold shelf with champagne on it. And it all goes together. I don't, I don't know how it makes sense, but once you see it, it never undoes itself. I couldn't imagine having an event in another kind of space because it feels so, so authentic. And so to watch our couples see the vision when they tour and then watch their guests get off the bus and experience it's kind of like an adventure. You start out on the back area by the pond, and then you go upstairs for dinner and cocktail hours outside on this deck. So it's just like this unfolding of a day that helps not only share somebody's story, but how much they care about the people they're hosting. That we have this experience, a whole day of experiences for you that unfolds in this just setting that we can't even necessarily take credit for. The bones of the building are so special. Um, and then you add in, you know, my nine to ten beautiful antique couches that he let me get. So, so unique to me. Um that that you can see it on Pinterest, but unless you're really here, this particular place it is like no other to us. So that's my favorite part of weddings.

SPEAKER_02 57:12

I could probably contact 100% of our couples over the last 15 years, and they would get back to me immediately with whatever they could do for them to help us or us to help them. We have numerous couples actually buy homes up here in the area. They've just really enjoyed the experience up here.

SPEAKER_01 57:31

Yeah. The small town thing has been great. I always say, you know, our story's awesome, and someday we'll get on some radio program and win the trip to Italy and you know, all this. I'm like, but yeah, we've already, you know, won the lottery. We have, you know, everything we need and got to raise our kids, and we coach and we do like all the small town stuff. Not everyone wishes they had time for, you know, they're like, how do you do this? I'm like, well, some days we don't. The house is messy, we didn't cook dinner, whatever it is, but um, there's always, you know, something going on that we're involved in and part of, and modeling that for our kids has been great. So um small town business entrepreneurship has been a cool way to thrive and survive.

SPEAKER_00 58:16

What is something that you love about each other?

SPEAKER_02 58:19

What do I love about Abby? She thinks I'm funny. I mean, what more important than that? She's beautiful. All my kids look like her. You know, they're beautiful because she's beautiful. Um, you know, I think through life, it just seems like the bigger the challenge, the more I feel like she has our back. You know, we sit we under stressful situations, I feel like we align almost instantly, which I really like. We really come together in times of you know, real need. We can really get on the same page real damn quick.

SPEAKER_01 58:51

Mine's work ethic, just willing to dive in, pitch in, go help a friend at any moment. A great listener. He's laughing well because he says he doesn't listen to me, but he listens to like the kids, you know, and helps them solve their problems. And he's patient and he and he does listen, you know, most of the time. And it's humor, I do. I think he's you know had a left a lot of tough blows, and he's very resilient, and he uses humor to mitigate that, but that's how he shows that he cares and he he's just willing to lend a hand. What is something that love has taught you?

SPEAKER_02 59:40

Yeah, I don't even know how to put it. You know, love, because it definitely hurts more than anything at times, but you know, it also it's just it fills you so much. I couldn't imagine going through life without it. You know, I love my life. I have a great one.

SPEAKER_01 59:59

I would say, uh after thinking about it, that yeah, I agree with the pain, like the contrast, but I think the surprise is what it's taught me. Like that you don't know how the sparks fly. It's surprising how people meet, it's surprising what connects people together, and it surprises me when certain things fall apart or how you persevere. So I think love's taught me how to appreciate the surprises and appreciate things more. Like Jay said, couldn't imagine life without love.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

I agree. Not a good life anyway, not a meaningful one. Final question is if this was a moment in life where you had to walk away from each other, say the business goes away, you part ways, the kids are taken care of, what would you want the other person to do?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:02

So a few months ago, I sat my two older kids down, and Abby was here, obviously. And I just I I, you know, you never know when it's your time. And I just wanted them to know that I've done more in my life than I could ever imagine. And I just wanted them to know that I'm my bucket's full. I mean, I I have I just never knew that life would be this rewarding for me. But I just wanted them to know that if it did, if and when it does happen, I've done more in my life than I ever thought was possible.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:37

I'm usually the crier, which is no surprise to anyone. I got all the credit, and you did most of the work. So I would say thank you for all of the support and allowing me to be me and to be free. I do get a lot of the credit for all of the stuff, and he deserves just as much. You guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:08

I love their love. The kind of love that lets go but always returns, that lifts up and amplifies what's good in each other. And the kind of love that knows how to have a good time, even if it's as simple as grilled cheese and tomato soup. I hope you've enjoyed this episode of the Love Department today. Thank you, Abby and Jay from Mapleshade Farm, for sharing your beautiful love story and all your wisdom. If you're looking to have a barn rustic wedding in the beauty of the New York Catskills, I will link their information in the show notes of this episode. The Love Department is produced in Brooklyn, New York. I'm your host, Nick Lockhart. Thank you, Sound Engineer Kyle Moore, and producer Karen Minto for your help on this episode. Got a great love story you think we should share? Or if you want to connect with me personally and receive some one-on-one relationship coaching, visit us at love-department.com. I also have a pretty amazing newsletter over on Substack, and we'd love to have you join the Love Department community there. Now, at the end of every episode, we ask you to put one hand on your heart for collective breath to a forecount. I wish you love.