S1 Ep 9 The Heartline: "Can I Recycle My Husband?"

On this episode we open up the voicemails on our HeartLine to share with you. Hear from The Love Department listeners who ask “How to handle differences on trash day” “Reconnecting with a childhood crush” and “help writing wedding vows” and more…

To leave a message on our HeartLine visit: www.love-deparment.com. We’d love to hear how it's going in your love department.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome to the Love Department, the heartwarming podcast exploring the nature of love and relationships. I'm your host, Nick Lockhart. And now you're listening to The Heart Line. Collar, collar, what's your fancy? I've always wanted to say that. Since I can remember, I've always really admired uh talk show hosts and radio hosts, particularly the ones that remind us that we're all connected and we share some kind of story, uh, even if we've never met each other. Just there's power in hearing the stories of other people. When it comes to relationships, I, for one, learned so much from these couples. And the heartline is the place where we can get a little bit more insight, and not just from the couples that I sit down and talk to, but from you. I want to hear from you. What is going on in your love department? Tell me everything. I want to know. Think of me as your best girlfriend. Think of me as your part-time therapist, your matchmaker, your Cupid. I am here for the stories, okay? So if you would like to contribute, you can head on over to our website, www.love-department.com, and leave us a voicemail. There is an easy link there. It could be short, it could be long, it could be funny, it could be heartbreaking. Um, this is really your place to air it out. And don't worry, we'll keep it anonymous unless you'd like us to share. Now remember, I am not a professional. I certainly don't know all the details of these situations or these stories, but I am here to listen. And if you're asking, to offer a little advice. Alright, so up first we have a love bug who has reconnected with her oldest crush. Wow. This has already got my attention. So she says they met in elementary school and they used to reenact Titanic together. Oh my gosh. All right, I'm gonna stop right now and play this immediately. You're on the heart line.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I want to tell you guys about how I reconnected with my oldest crush, Daniel. We met in elementary school, and he was the only boy who would play Titanic with me on the playground. I would be Rose, of course, and he would be Jack. He moved away when we were in fifth grade, and we lost touch for a really long time. I logged into Facebook, and there was a friend request from Daniel. He wrote a message saying, I hope this isn't weird, but I was feeling nostalgic and thinking about you all day. Seeing his name and picture on the screen, all my childhood giddiness came rushing back. He confessed that he has always had a crush on me. I'm going to visit him soon. We live a couple hours apart, and we're going to see if we can work out some sort of thing long distance.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Oh, you have such a sweet voice. It makes me think of uh just like very childlike in a way, your giddiness um and the joy I hear. There's that little spark, right? There's that something I hear in your voice that makes me really hopeful that this trip could be the start of your next great love story. Or maybe just continue the one that you've been living in for the past couple of years, it sounds like. First, I love a good reconnection story. I think about, you know, all my young childhood crushes who moved away, or I moved away more realistically. But um, you know, I don't know how long you guys have been in conversation uh since you've reconnected. Maybe it's just not been possible to get together um in person, or or maybe you you, you know, have been speaking for like a couple of months, and this is a big move to go and visit him and to see if the spark is just as strong as it is online. Um, whichever scenario, I'm really excited for you. You know, I wonder if there's something that you have from childhood still that you could bring. Um, I think that would be so cute, you know. Like, I don't know, a picture that you kept that you both drew. Uh, I don't know. Anything. Um and I know we talked about it earlier in the season, but it kind of reminds me of the movie Past Lives again. And that wondering whatever happened to your childhood crush. Your story reminds me a little bit of Frankie and Felicia from this season. Um, they reconnected after years apart when they graduated high school. So definitely don't disregard that message in your DM. You know, it could be the start of something new. Maybe that message in your DM is a little date with destiny. Wow, you have to let us know how it goes. I'm really looking forward to hearing an update from you. Our next love bug is reaching out to us after having just gotten married. That's exciting. Congratulations. But it sounds like she's having a bit of her problem already, having just moved in with him and discovered he's got a pretty bad habit. So let's listen to what she has to say.

SPEAKER_04 5:58

I'm a newlywed and I'm deeply in love with my husband. But for the love of Pete, the man does not know how to recycle. He claims that, you know, growing up, his family never sorted anything out, everything just went in the trash. Um, so he doesn't know the rules. Like you have to break down the cardboard boxes, you have to rinse out the bottles and the cans. Um, and I mean, it it bothers me because I'm so passionate about the environment. Um, but you know, I know he's trying, it's it's new to him. Um, and if that's our biggest complaint, you know, I'm I think we're doing pretty well. I just I hope he'll make some progress so I can teach him how to compost. That's the next step. Um, I just hope it's not too ambitious.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Okay. Yes, it is a pretty big problem. But I think that's where the beauty of learning another person's process can come into play. You know, if you give a million different people the same task, they're all gonna do it a million different ways. And just like no two people in this metaphorical scenario are the same, no two people in the relationship are the same. You know, you sound really accommodating and really patient. And I bet you that with a little bit of your guidance and help, um, you'll be able to put the plastics in the correct bin, and hopefully, one day, maybe, you'll be able to compost those potato scraps. Habits are such a hard thing to break, and in particular if they come from childhood. I bet if you think about it, you probably also do things the way that your parents did it. Not because it's actually maybe how you want to do it or it's best to do it. Um so you're definitely right to recognize that it's just the way that his family's kind of always done things, and it's not the correct way, or maybe not the way that you were raised with. Uh, but it is a different process and a different method. You know, it could be that he's not great at maybe sorting the items, uh, but maybe he's really reliable when it comes to making sure it's out on the street corner at the right day and time. Uh maybe he's great at washing the plastics and I, you know, before you put them in the bin. So seeing where the strengths might be might cover up a little bit of the flaws or the perceived weaknesses. Um because you're right, we should be taking care of our environment. Especially if it is a home environment where the trash goes. Good luck to you. I wish you so much love, and I hope that this first year of marriage is a beautiful adventure for the both of you. Congratulations again. All right, so while we're on the topic of weddings, this next love bug is really stressed. She's coming to us with a debacle about writing her wedding vows. That sounds like a problem that I definitely can help with. So let's hear from her.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

There's so much I could say about him. I'm having a hard time narrowing it down. Meanwhile, he hasn't told me anything about his vows, and if mine end up being really sentimental and cute, and then his is silly and casual, it's going to be so embarrassing. I already have, I think, 20 handwritten pages, and I'm afraid I'm just gonna bore everyone on this hot July wedding. I guess I have the rest of my life to tell them all these things. I just have to keep it simple for the actual wedding. Wish me luck.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Okay, deep breaths. You can do this. You are not alone. So many people experience writer's block when it comes to their wedding vows. So just know this is a totally normal occurrence. It is incredibly intimidating to get up there in front of your family, your friends, your coworkers sometimes, everybody that basically loves you, and tell another person that you love them. Um, this is probably one of the most important speeches that you will give in your life. I mean, even if you're eloping and it's just the two of you in the middle of the woods, it's still a really important moment. And, you know, it's something that I can totally understand you being really nervous about. It's natural. You know, when it comes to being inspired and figuring out what to write and what you want to say, I think my approach has always been to do what comes naturally to you. If you're not great with your words on paper, maybe you know just the right song to play at that moment and you can keep your speech really short. Um or maybe you're not great with pen and paper, but you know, maybe you can um talk out loud, you know, get a recorder and just kind of feel your way through the words a bit like I do on this podcast sometimes. Um when it comes to the content of your vows, if you are together this light-hearted, jokey, you know, silly, goofy pair, maybe switch it up and go for the the more heartfelt and deeper um vows. If you are typically pretty practical and serious and romantic and you know, maybe the wedding is more of an elegant affair, I think that's when you switch it up and you hit them with the inside jokes. Maybe play a little prank. Another key thing I would do is think about your relationship. It should hold a certain intimacy because it really is just between you and your partner. It's a moment for you to not just say the things that you love about the person, which it sounds like you could go on and on and on about. Ums are actually meant to be promises. They're meant to be these goals that we set forth before, you know, our loved ones, our beloved, um, and in some cases our God. They're meant to be that exchange of promises for the future. In some cases, those can be really silly. You know, I promise not to leave the toilet seat up. But in other cases, they can be deeply meaningful. I promise to always hold your hand in the darkest of days and in the lightest of moments. I think finding five or six key promises that you would like to make to him. So just pick five or six, you know, and those five or six things after the day of the wedding, try, try, try to just remember to keep them. It'll be five minutes of you being up there giving this proclamation that it really is a lifetime of commitment. And so I don't want to put too much pressure on you. But when you stand up there in front of your family and friends, just know that these words aren't just words, they're a lifetime of promises. One word of advice: I would also stay away from having Chat GPT help you out on this one. If you've got a little bit of time, don't wait to the last minute either. It's okay to write a draft or two, several drafts. I wouldn't suggest 20 pages, but I think, you know, revision and editing are beautiful tools that I use as a writer all the time. And also repetition. Have a friend listen to them ahead of time. Um you can practice in the mirror, you can voice record yourself. There's so many tools to kind of help you feel a little bit more confident when you are preparing for this big moment. You didn't particularly mention if stage fright was a part of this, but public speaking is a really common fear. And if you are really nervous about speaking in front of people in general, um, I would suggest especially this kind of repetition method so that when you get up there, even if you make a mistake, you're able to recover, and you also just feel much more you know comfortable. So don't worry, okay? You've already done a hard thing. You found love, you found someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. It doesn't matter what they're gonna say on that day, just say what you have to say, what you want to say. And I'm sure it will go over so well, you will be so relieved. And if there's a video of it, please send it to me because I would love to watch. I wish you love on your wedding day. Good luck. Let's take one more. How about that? No, two. Okay, let's take two more. And this next one is also looking for a little advice. He says his relationship is going really strong, and they've been together for almost five years, four and a half years. And there's a little disagreement that keeps coming up about a tattoo. Ooh, this sounds good. I can't wait to listen.

SPEAKER_06 16:34

Yeah, so my girlfriend's amazing. Um, our relationship is really strong. We've been together for I think four and a half years now. Um, really strong, good. But we have one disagreement that keeps coming up, and it's really silly, but it's actually kind of starting to be an issue, and I need to figure it out. Um so yeah, she really wants to get matching tats. Um, yeah, like permanent ink on our bodies that match. Um, but I'm kind of like a little weary of that, like kind of superstitious. I don't know. I'm just scared. I feel like it'll kind of like be a jinx. You know what I mean? Um, like as soon as we get them, we'll break up like the next day, just because of cosmic irony in Murphy's Law. Um, she keeps telling me how ridiculous that is, but I can't get the thought out of my head. And I because I really keep thinking about Johnny Depp when he was married to Winona Ryder back in the 90s, and he got a tattoo that said Wynona Forever. You've probably heard about this. Um and then they broke up and he changed it to Why No Forever, which is kind of awesome, but also kind of sad. Um, but I guess he's doing just fine in his cologne commercials. I'm trying to convince her to get like matching jewelry or something, or maybe like I'm with stupid t-shirt, and her mine can say stupid, and hers can say I'm with stupid, but she really wants to get tattoos. Um, we've been going back and forth about this for months now, and I'm not sure what to do. Should I just please her and suck it up and get the tattoo?

SPEAKER_05 18:07

I don't know, help me.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

You didn't mention if you yourself have other tattoos already. You know, maybe for in her mind it's not that big of a deal. Maybe you both already have tattoos, um, or maybe it's something that you would do for the first time, and it's really, as you said, it's a little bit um permanent. Well, it's a lot permanent. You know, the idea of permanent can be really scary, especially, you know, if you're unsure about the commitment in any way. Um, but you said you've been together for four and a half years nearly, and I think that in and of itself is a pretty big commitment to one person. Um so it doesn't sound like you have any issues when it comes to committing. You know, I actually have one tattoo, and I told myself I would be one and done. It is the number 13, um, which some people might consider a jinx. Um for me, it means so much. Um, my mother is the youngest of 13 children. Um I was also born on the 13th, and I also just believe you make your own luck, you know, that I'm an incredibly lucky person. So I don't know, maybe that's my roundabout way of saying I don't think it's gonna be a jinx. We could all learn, of course, from Johnny Depp, but maybe it's not her name getting tattooed across your chest. Maybe it's something more symbolic, right? Something maybe a bit more minimal, or you know, that the only the two of you really know is there. It could be something like that. But I also have to wonder what is it that is behind her wanting to have these tattoos? Because it sounds like something that she really has her heart set on and would like you to do together. Oftentimes it doesn't just come from a flippant desire, right? Like we want the things we want because intrinsically we know or we're seeking some kind of fulfillment from that thing and having that. So I wonder if there is something to her wanting perhaps a deeper commitment from you. I'm not sure where you guys stand on marriage or if you've talked about that, but it could be that the the tattoo is representative of something bigger for her. And um, you know, if you haven't made any commitments to to further your relationship or to do anything on a deeper level, this could just be her way of saying, I want you to know that I'm committed, and I want to know that you're committed too. But I do like your idea of like permanent jewelry. It does sound to me like your partner wants something physical on her body that always is with her and always is with you. So permanent jewelry and I think tattoos fall into that category. I don't think I would ever get a tattoo with my partner, but I think if we did, I do have an idea what I would want. But as I said, I'm a one tattoo and done kind of girl. I hope that whatever you do decide to do, you both end up with something that you don't regret that you feel super happy about, and who knows, maybe brings you deeper into commitment with each other. I wish you love. About how he met his wife. And they've been together six years now, and I'm told we might need a few tissues for this one. So um if you're sentimental at all, get ready.

SPEAKER_05 22:16

I love the story of how my wife and I met. Um I randomly decided to give the museum of modern art one Saturday when I had nothing else to do. And she had just moved to New York and made a pilgrimage to the museum specifically to see Van Gogh's Starry Night. And I'm walking through the gallery and I hear the sound of someone sobbing. And it was her. So just completely moved by seeing her favorite painting that she literally became just overwhelmed with emotion. And I thought it was just so endearing. That I went up to her and I chatted her up about art. And she was really kind of embarrassed for crying, but I told her that she was a cute crier. And yeah. And now we've been married for six years, and we still have a print of Starry Night hanging in our living room as a reminder of how we came together.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

Okay, I'm not crying, you're crying. Um I love hearing this story. I am definitely known to cry at any sentimental or tear-joking moment, so it sounds like your wife and I would be very good friends. Um seeing art in person can be so moving and so beautiful and touching, and ah, there's nothing more that I love than to spend time in a gallery just staring and looking, and it sounds like you caught her in a moment that she was just truly vulnerable, but also to you beautiful. It's crazy the story doesn't even seem real. I really um like that you put the print of The Starry Night by Van Gogh over your wall in the living room, it sounds like. I gotta say, I know you didn't ask for any advice, but Feng Shui tells me that it might be a good idea to move that into the bedroom. Putting objects like that that have that sentimental value in that story may, who knows, cause you to dream again or reignite something because it's uh I don't know, feng shui. Well, it sounds like your relationship really started off in a beautiful and romantic way. And after six years, you still feel the same. Which you don't really get those kind of stories much anymore. Uh so thanks for sharing them with us at the love department. Also, I don't know if you've ever heard this, and I just got a great idea, but there is a song called Starry Story Night. It is written by Don McLean and Leanne LaHavis, who is this incredible vocalist out of the UK, uh, does a cover of it, and it is absolutely stunning. So I don't know, maybe your next anniversary. Um, cue up that song, and it doesn't even have to be an anniversary. I'm such a big fan of doing like small things on a surprise occasion. So I don't know, maybe one night this week you play the song and um surprise your wife with maybe some flowers or um you know, whatever she likes. That's always a good surprise. Just get her whatever she likes. But definitely try something like that. I think she'd really appreciate the surprise. I hope that wherever you are listening to this, now I wish you many, many more happy years together and good art. I wish you love. We are here and we are ready to listen. So head on over to love-department.com and leave us a message. We can't wait to hear from you. I'm Nick Lockhart, and you've been listening to the Heartline. Thanks for listening to The Love Department this week. The Love Department is produced in Brooklyn, New York. It is hosted by Nick Lockhart. Our theme song is by Adam Baldeck. The theme song for the Heartline is composed by Sunei Music. A special thank you to Samantha Sibirini and Jordan Haywood for their help on this episode. A special thank you to all of our lovebugs for coming on and for sharing their stories with us. You made me laugh. You made me cry. And I can't wait to hear whatever gems we find next on our Heartline. While you're on our website, you'll also find our shop where you can get some great TLD swag. I'm really partial to the sweatshirts and the baseball cap. Every purchase made goes directly to supporting this independent production. And make sure you follow us on Instagram. I'll put the link to that in our show notes. Okay. Ready for the fore count? Hand on your heart.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

I wish you love.