S1 Ep 8 Allie & Chuck "Once Upon a Soulmate"

There once was a girl named Allie who lived in Long Island. She struggled to find a place and a person with whom she ‘fit’. On the same island was a boy, named Chuck, who too felt like he didn’t fit in or deserve to find love. On Halloween night Allie went to a castle and ordered cocktail… and it was terrible. Chuck, who worked at the castle bar swept in to her rescue and offered to make her a replacement. And it was that love potion that finally brought them ‘home’ in love.

In this episode we talk about family histories and generational healing, growing up bi-racial, manifesting your partner, and loving someone with a disability.

The Patreon for this show has been archived. Thank you for those of you who supported the show!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

You do weigh in. It's just like he says that I'm 51% of the vote, and he has four times. We're just about equal, except I have known four.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Welcome to the love department, the heartwarming podcast uncovering the nature of love and relationships. I'm your host, Nick Lockhart. I'm a former matchmaker, a writer, a love theorist, and I love a good cocktail. I'm so grateful you're here. Today on the show, I sat down for a heart-to-heart with Allie and Chuck. They're both in their early 30s and met after a series of heartbreaks. In this episode, we'll touch on healing from generational trauma, caring for someone with disabilities, how bartenders can be shy, and the thing that started it all for one of them: manifestation. And if you're subscribed to the love department on Patreon, you'll get some special insight from this episode. Join us for exclusive content at patreon.com slash the love department.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

And that was to date one of the hardest years of my life that I have ever been through. Where there was romance betrayal, there was friendship betrayal, and it was a very intense time in my life. And truly manifesting became my comfort of this like singular focus of what my life would be like on the other side of this, and who my partner would be and what they would feel like. I could never call to mind a face. I only ever felt their energy and the energy of the relationship that we were creating together. And it became like a bedtime story for me when I was having particularly tough nights. I would just focus on what it would be like in the future. And later on, once I got a little bit more healed from the rawness of said betrayals, I started focusing on what do I need to do to make this happen? What do I need to learn? What do I need to unlearn? How do I go from this just dream to an actual reality one day?

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Heartbreak can be our greatest teacher, not only about what we desire or don't want, but about ourselves. And so Allie put herself out there despite the hard lessons that came with it.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

But even after those, it made me more committed to getting it right and being the right version of myself eventually. I would not be who I am now sitting where I'm sitting in the relationship that I'm in, in the way that we are in relationship together without all of the people before.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Uh yes. All the people before. We've all had those lessons, those people that came to teach us, but not necessarily be with us forever. And so I asked Allie what she thought at the time her great love would feel like.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

I think the biggest thing was an overwhelming sense of peace. It was a feeling that I knew that when I met this person, I would really embody that particular feeling. And at the time in my life that I was in, with the relationships that I had had and the love stories I had seen modeled to me, I didn't see that. So I couldn't point to it and describe it and say, Oh, it's that. It was just something that I was looking for for myself. A new feeling that I had never felt, that I did not have words for, but I knew could happen.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

As part of her manifestation work, Allie began doing a lot of self-healing. And it's something that I recommend to anybody hoping to be in a meaningful relationship to first look inside and ask yourself the hard questions. And the moment we become so ultimately real and authentic and honest is often the times when we are led down the path of least resistance. And for Allie, that path was a long drive up a cobblestone driveway leading up to a castle. Chad, did you have any sort of list or ideals of what your future partner would be like?

SPEAKER_04 5:14

No, I was really kind of in a sad chest. Chuck, a workaholic. I had to go to a new castle. I didn't think I deserved anything. Oh, this is the fourth one this week. Good.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

The castle Chuck is referring to is Ohica Castle, located in Huntington, Long Island in New York. This is where they would eventually meet. It's a destination for film shoots, plenty of glamorous over-the-top events, and of course, weddings. The night Chuck met Ali, he had long since resigned himself to being single forever. Until the self-professed beast met a beauty sitting at the end of his bar.

SPEAKER_04 6:07

I was very inanibed, but you call me Frosty.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Oh, he was Frosty.

SPEAKER_04 6:12

But she didn't know that I was frosty.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

He had his own independent thoughts going on, apparently, but I definitely got when you think of Frosty Bartender, that is the initial energy he came over with. And then it unfolded later that it was because I was drinking his favorite cocktail and he didn't get the chance to make it. Honestly, one of the worst cocktails I've ever had in my life. He came in with disappointment that he had to mask, and it just came across as frosty.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

I realized in talking with him just how many first dates and chance meetings happen at the bar. Bartenders are our supplier of liquid courage, our therapist in times of heartbreak, our constant wingman for these dating moments. In the words of great American writer Mark Twain, too much to drink is barely enough. Well, unless that drink was this drink. The Manhattan, a signature cocktail beloved by many. It held special significance for Allie, who chose it as her drink for the evening.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

I ordered it because I was there in honor of my grandmother. Halloween is her birthday. So I got dressed up and I ordered a Manhattan at where he works because that was one of her favorite places. And the Manhattan is her favorite cocktail. And then I find out later it's his favorite cocktail to drink and to make. And I was very throne as to how bad it was, considering everything I knew about her. There's no way this woman wants this sugary, chaotic, unblended mess.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

Because you didn't finish it, I think. You just left it aside. I didn't finish it. And I was like, was this no good? Yes. And then I said, Let me make you something else, please.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

I think it's so interesting how you think of a bartender as one of the most social jobs that you would ever have to do. So many times. And yet it's just not really the case with you. You're not the chatty strike up a conversation, talk your ear off kind of bartender. He's very shy. So I wouldn't think bad as a bartender, too. The great thing about bartenders that people get wrong is that a lot of them can be shy, but they're just in such a hyper-social environment for facilitating it for other people that the patrons gloss this super outgoing idea onto the bartender that's like probably not there. I have worked in the service industry. I still work in the service industry. I was looking around and I was seeing the getting toward the last few patrons, closing time vibes. And I never want to be the last person in a new place where you don't know anybody. So I was like, okay, I think I'm gonna get going now. And Chuck made his move and said the most endearing combination of words, and he said, I would like it if you stayed.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Can we just take a moment, a pause, to appreciate Chuck's bravery? I would like it if you stayed. And it's that moment of sincerity that really broke through the walls for her and showed Chuck that there was an opening, that maybe a cute girl at the end of the bar was interested.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Because we work in service industries and friendliness and being cordial and accommodating is part for the course. When you actually show true sincerity, that for me was so paramount with you. And I think that's a moment and a feeling that I was looking for to tie back to earlier is this feeling of just sincerity and presence. And you showed that. That was a brave thing for you to say in that moment. Where did that courage come from?

SPEAKER_04 10:29

Yeah, you gave me that courage. I felt comfortable with your life just totally like, oh my gosh, yeah, this is this is an amazing moment. Absolutely. I can spell that you gave me that courage for sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Without even knowing it.

SPEAKER_04 10:48

But that's anybody can look cute and look nice, but to actually be kind and to be gorgeous, and to be, you know, just the demeanor, and just it was so much more that just went, and everything just kept unfolding within the night, and it just kept getting better and better and keeps getting better and better.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Yeah, it does kept and keeps yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

And so they exchanged numbers, and a date soon followed. Or was it a date? Allie wasn't sure.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Sometime in between that sincere moment and arriving for drinks, it was is this a date? Oh my god, am I ready for a date? No, no, it's not a date. I can't do a date. It can't be a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. And then he's all excited that it is a date. And such a French restaurant out. He he found this nice place to go. And he mentioned, oh, we can get a drink at the bar and then we can go have dinner. And dinner was the key for me because I have a lot of food allergies that I did not mention because I didn't think it was a dinner thing. And then when I was like, oh, I thought we were just getting drinks, then Chuck has this moment of, oh, it's not a date. So we just both went in with this it's not a date vibe and just got to get to know each other and just talked with no pressure, which was very nice.

SPEAKER_04 12:15

But then we had to get food.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Ah yes. With the stakes of it's just drinks being no pressure. They had passed several hours and realized they were pretty hungry. And that French restaurant Chuck mentioned, well, it wasn't very Alley allergy friendly. So he suggested something else.

SPEAKER_04 12:37

But you know, I was like, I know a really great vegan spot. It's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Yeah, and I was like, is it Champs Diner? And he said, it is. And I was like, I've always wanted to go there. So we drove from Long Island from Long Island, Manhasset, um, to Williamsburg, which is probably what, a 40-minute drive? And we got vegan food, and and then it started, that's when it started turning into a date. And it became clear like, okay, the date vibe is back on. And we just went to another spot, and there was a uh bartender there who told us that we were really cute. There were two trigger moments for us starting our um dating journey. Two phrases. One, I would like it if you stayed. Two, you guys are really cute together. And then it was just okay, we're off to the races.

SPEAKER_04 13:35

You know what? After I had met her, I went to my friend's bar, and I was, he brings it up today when he sees her, he's like, You should have seen Chuck that night when he told me he met you.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

It's very sweet.

SPEAKER_04 13:49

And he's like, he's like, Chuck was like getting like a little girl in a barbecue. He's like, he was just just ear to ear, and he just couldn't stop talking about you.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

So meeting you. That was the night we met, and his this friend who I adored, he's like the sweetest, squishiest person, teased him and asked, When's the wedding?

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Oh, yeah, he did do that.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

It was just a constant unfolding of getting to know each other and having really sincere and heartfelt conversations and doing fun date things and playing music for each other and saying, That's my favorite song. Wait, that's your favorite song, that's my favorite song. Dear to me by electric guest. We had both played it for ourselves for years when we since we heard it, wanting to dedicate it to someone one day, but not feeling like we had the person in our lives, and then we both wanted to play it for each other.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

This modern fairy tale began in the Long Island Castle Bar on Halloween. But most love stories begin well before people meet. I'm talking about the one we have with ourselves and the journey to loving ourselves just exactly as we are, before someone shows up to sweep us off our feet.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

We put so much weight on becoming something once we're in a relationship. And one of the last big things that I tried to teach myself, learn, take courses was focusing on like, no, you need to become that version for yourself. Whatever you are putting into the future for someone else to help you do or to help you become, just start to try to become that for yourself. Put yourself first. And that was a game changer for me. Yeah. Sometimes I just look at Chuck and I look around our apartment and I'm like, why? Why was I so why was I trying so hard to make something work that's just not working? I would tell the younger version of me to just have the amount of patience I can muster for everything else for this too. Because I was so impatient to get there because growing up, you're shown princess movies. And the story starts when you find the guy, and you find your prince charming, and that's when your life starts, and everything's just gonna get better and better from there, and it's your jumping off point. That's not to say when you're in a relationship that there's not work to be done. You have to treat your relationship with respect and kindness, and yes, sometimes you get on each other's nerves, and you still have to prioritize communicating kindly because this is the person that you love. It's not that kind of work. It's like banging your head against the wall. And you you just are so convinced that this is the thing you're supposed to be doing. And looking back now, for me, I cannot answer why. This is getting ridiculous. I'm I'm making myself sad on happy occasions because the story I was still hoping for didn't unfold.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

And I just had to let it go. And then I finally met him when it was the last thing on my mind, and I was there as this like generational healing effort for me and my mom and my grandmother. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

I can empathize with Allie here, where she mentions the pursuit of this great love becoming like a never-ending loop of disappointments. You know, you're tempted to rush, to settle, and yet when I see them together now, I can only admire the effortlessness and how obvious it is that these two totally belong together. But as for Chuck, he was coming in with his own wounded wings. This is a great time to check out our Patreon. You'll hear more from Chuck about an experience in his childhood that really shaped his ability to trust and relate to others.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

We both, yes, grew up in towns that are like maybe 30 minutes from each other on a map, but having this like alienating experience in our surrounding area not fitting in. So while, yes, we geographically were in similar spaces, mentally and emotionally we grew up in similar spaces.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

The commonality that Ali is referring to is that they are both the product of interracial relationships. And while it may be something that one glosses over as cute coincidence, here at the Love Department, we wanted to go a little bit deeper.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

We're both biracial. So we we have in common that we have European white ancestry with one parent, and the other parent in my case is black, and in Chuck's case is Korean. It it absolutely matters because it has formed who we are, and those experiences with being othered and being pushed into one category or the other has defined our lives. So, in a way, it 100,000 percent matters. But the way we handled it with each other was so just easy and casual, and I see something in you, you see something in me, we know what this thing is, we share it in common. And yes, we are quote unquote made of different stuff. We do share one parent in common that is white European, but they are from different countries, ancestrally speaking. And Chuck has a different experience of being first-generation Korean American because his mother immigrated here, so that was a different angle to his biracial story than what I have.

SPEAKER_04 20:08

There is such an ease that goes with being together between us because of just a look and a nod. Like we don't have to worry about that. It's so obvious. Weirdness out in the world for being different, you know, like what did I do?

SPEAKER_02 20:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:27

I mean, why are you a mean person? Like just in the relationship, it was that was just seamless, really.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

I think for me it's characterized by an instant recognition for the first time ever in my life. Like, I've had I think only maybe a handful of close personal relationships with people who are biracial and identify as biracial, and who have that very singular experience of being forced to pick a side and to pick an identity, and meeting Chuck and Chuck meeting me, and we are both so proud to live on the border and to be that combination of two things was this moment for me that I don't even think we put it to words so much as we just knew immediately something about the other person that neither of us have had validated in other people before.

SPEAKER_04 21:29

We've talked about it once. But it was never like, yeah, we know. We just we always knew.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

I think it's two things. It's it's a a validation of two people just loving each other so deeply and so purely, because I feel like there's such a pure hearted, almost childlike joy with Chuck and I in the way that we express our love for one another. Even though it is definitely rooted. In adulthood. It still has such a lightness and such a joy that I feel like once we get older we start to lose a little bit. Yeah. But also it's the understanding that they created a biracial child, and that biracial child found another biracial child to have a relationship with, and that we understand each other in a way that other people haven't understood us, and in a way that our parents don't even understand us.

SPEAKER_04 22:36

That's the one I think it is really funny.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

That we found someone who gets that particular experience of being caught in the middle of something.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

That's it. Your parents, when they fell in love, whatever that looked like, um didn't have the freedoms in a way that you guys have to express and to love.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

No, they did not. We share that actually, that we in both of our families, the creation of that relationship between our parents meant severing connections with other family members. So we are absolutely the product of two parents who had to choose each other and that were forced to make great concessions and lose a lot of connection to home and to family because they chose each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:31

It's sad. Yeah, you don't even realize it until you say it out loud, too. Yeah. My mother left. My her father said no to the marriage to my father. For my mother. And I was like a dishonest, like, go to America, that's it. You're not. My mother's like, yeah, it can't be worse than this. It's true. She left. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Yeah, she left. And my parents definitely, they were both of our parents were around the same age when they met each other. Um, so they met each other very early in their 20s. And my parents had to make a choice as well. On both sides, there was a lack of favor for the relationship. And that is part of the reason why me going to the castle where he works for my grandmother's birthday was so profound because I had never met her because she was never a presence in my life because my parents chose each other. And when I had opportunities to independently meet both of my grandparents, I said no, because how can you accept one half of me and not the totality of me? So knowing that she was going to pass from the world soon was me being myself in the fullest and doing something for someone else that they probably would not have done for me. And their talk was. So I feel like it was um to have him there on that day, and to meet him there on that day was so profound, and I think it represented a healing that I didn't even know that I needed to do in order to meet my person.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

And soon the moment came to say those three little words they had been holding for someone dear to them.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

We were snuggling, and already giving you the feels like we were given the feels.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

The feels were very they were emanating like waves. Um but I said, I have to tell you something. And he was just like, Yeah, super close. Chuck has Chuck has um a very high prescription in glasses, so when he takes his glasses off, he's even more vulnerable. And I said, I have to tell you something. And I said, I love you. And you I believe said it right back. Oh yeah, I said it right back. Right back.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

Zooming out.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Yeah, we call it like we have like little like love zoomies where we're just like squiggling because of how much we just are filled with love in the moment. Just start like wiggling or squiggling. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Loving Allie comes with some obstacles. Remember those food allergies we mentioned earlier? She has several. She's also a vegan and has comorbid disabilities. Inter Chuck, from his service and hospitality industry background. He knows all about caretaking, which makes him the perfect partner for Ally.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

Fortunately, I think with the service industry, I was really good with allergies. I'm still not good enough because there can be something everywhere, like a doggy treat and a panting dog playing out of nowhere. That happened to us.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

He's referencing a real life scenario. We were dog sitting his puppy niece, and we just had scooped up some dog treats that looked good. And she was doing so well at the dog park that we were at, so we gave her a treat. And we were parked. I was in the passenger seat, the dog was in the back seat, and Chuck went in to a store for maybe 10 minutes to get something, and by the time he came out, I was having a full-blown allergic reaction because she essentially hotboxed our car with turmeric.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

But it's something that he makes time and effort in their lives to make accommodations for.

SPEAKER_04 28:04

I never heard the term before, and now I know I'm aware of it, and I see it out in the world, which I do appreciate too. But I actually was ableist and I still have tendencies to do that. You know, I live a life of sports and athleticism, all that jazz. And I still ride my bicycle like that.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

This man is built like a tank, and I am built like an orchid. Chuck primarily gets the groceries because I have food allergies that are airborne, and I can't go into like three out of the four grocery stores in our neighborhood. And then there's also the issue of weight because my hands are disabled, so if it's more than a couple of things and I can't truly sling it onto my own shoulder.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

I'm really good at not using bags to carry stuff.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

And he's just he's so capable. He jokes that one of the things I love the most about him are his hands because he is a bartender and he uses them for work, and they're just he's got that dexterity, and I have essentially hands for show. Why can't you just be a hand models?

SPEAKER_04 29:03

Is that the strength?

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Yeah, I I have dexterity but not strength.

SPEAKER_04 29:06

I like it. It changed me so much where I feel I feel really good about accommodating all your needs.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Yeah. It's it's not just about oh, here, yeah, I'll open that for you. Or sure, I'll help you wash your hair. It's the energy you bring towards helping someone with those tasks that goes a long way. It's when it's done with sincerity, which I think is just the defining word for Chuck, when it's done with sincerity and love and appreciation for the person and not resignation and um oh, what is that word? Resentment. It's just that makes all the difference. Having a service background myself, albeit different than Chuck. I know that if you can put someone at ease, do it. And you absolutely he he does that to the best of his ability and the best of mine. I hesitate to say this out loud, but I did worry a bit that someone was gonna find my particular combination of things to be too much. That one of them is a lot to handle, and I come with a package of them. And Chuck has just truly risen to the occasion. There is this hesitation to have someone in your life who is like a weak, I don't know how to phrase this. Like, not that they're your caretaker, but you have needs and you have things that you just can't do, and they come in and they help you with them, and they they do take care of pickle jets.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

Pickle jars are hard. I was struggling with the pickle jars.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Listen, that was the vein of my singleness and be like, I'm so great, I'm so independent, and then the jar will just set me back.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

And then I bought her the jar open.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Oh my gosh, yes. So one of the most here, I suppose one of the sweetest things that Chuck did in the first couple weeks of us dating was buy me a little gift, and it was a battery-operated can opener. Like I was still, I was in my family's house. I was like, look, look at what he bought me. He bought me something to facilitate my own independence. And I think that's a huge part of it is that caring for someone that has a disability and loving someone that has a disability are the ways in which you can facilitate their independence, not make them dependent on you.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Living with a disability has meant that Allie has had to reimagine what her life would look like. And one of the decisions she made for herself before meeting Chuck was not to have children. It's a choice that Chuck fully supports, and we talked about what their life would look like without children and why.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

So just a multitude of reasons, really. Um the first is that I realized that I never had long-term future visions of my life with children in it. I realized after the fact, well after the fact, that when I was truly honest with myself, children were never part of the equation. It was always myself and a partner, and that was it, a dog. But I just never saw kids. And I feel like when you truly come into this world with a parent as something that you choose and that you want, you see kids in your future, and then aside from that, it would be an immense toll on my body that's already so painful on some days, and it would mean exacerbating conditions that are exceptionally painful, and I just didn't want it enough to do that. And that's not to say that disabled people can't carry children and that they can't be wonderful parents because they absolutely can. It is beautiful, it's just not what I want to do. It's atypical, quote unquote. So I knew coming into this relationship that I didn't want children, and I made a point to mention it very early on, once I realized how much we were meaning to each other, that I don't want children. It is not up for debate if that is something that's important in your future, as painful as it is to say, this is not gonna be the relationship for us.

SPEAKER_04 34:04

I'm glad you did that.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

Um, it's a great idea.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

No, it wasn't at first. No, you you had said that you never saw a life with children in it either, but the way that we were falling in love with each other made him consider it for the first time. And it was a it was this scary little hanging in the balance moment for a bit because you're like, I don't know, like I kind of want to have children. If I had them, I would want to have them with you.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

Martin Luther King Jr. has this beautiful quote that says, Everyone can be great because everyone can serve. And that is something that is at the heart of Allie and Chuck's relationship. So instead of focusing on their limitations, they focus on what they can do to serve and love this world that we live in. And I think that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

We are 100% us for the world. I think something that I love about us. Yeah. Something that I well, because the world is why we are an us. Like the two of us are a representation of three races and in what, like ten different ethnicities? Like, you cannot possibly have a singular mindset coming from a perspective like that. It just doesn't work. And that's not to say that other people who have one culture aren't for the world, but I feel like there's absolutely this rallying cry with the two of us of finding where we fit in, and we find that we fit in the best with multitudes of people. There are a couple things that you guys do that you enjoy. Yes. This is your platform. Yeah. Promote them. We love well, we we love a lot of things. First, we love biodegradable bags for trash, of which we try to accumulate as little as possible to begin with. We sh we save our veggie scraps and we make broth. Um we love too good to go. We tell everybody about too good to go, and we volunteer with uh Rescuing Leftover Cuisine, which is a 501c3 nonprofit that redistributes.

SPEAKER_04 36:25

What does 501c3 mean?

SPEAKER_00 36:26

It's a tax uh denomination.

SPEAKER_04 36:30

Thank you. You're welcome. I was just there to help out people get fed.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

Yeah. And so we came to the final questions. The ones I ask at the end of every episode. And here's what they had to say about them.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

For me, I would say I would say the same. I would say that I got a right. There's no right. I would say that love has taught me that home is truly the jumping off point for everything else in life. And I think so many of us avoid home. I think love has taught me that when you have this safe, warm, comfortable, happy, joy-bringing place to call home when you have zoomies in the morning and at night. It truly does just propel you to greatness.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

Do you believe in soulmates?

SPEAKER_00 37:58

I don't know. I know. I know, I don't know. Because that's an interesting question. Do I believe in soulmates? Do you believe in soulmates?

SPEAKER_04 38:10

I'm trying to think in right now.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

I yeah, I don't know. For me, I feel like if soulmates exist, it's not in the way that we're told. It's not in the way that you can show up however, whenever, and wherever, and do whatever and act in any way, and this person will always be by your side and and will just be yours in quotations forever and ever. Amen. Yes. I don't believe in that because at least on my end of the story, there was so much work involved in in learning and unlearning, and just growing up in my ability to be a partner and my ability to show and express love in the idealized way I wanted to be able to have it and to express it. But then also I had this like constant vision that I felt was so real. So I I don't know. I don't know that I know how I where I fall on it. I mean, I absolutely believe in fate and I believe in destiny. So maybe I do believe in small things.

SPEAKER_02 39:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

I guess I believe in small things. Because there's so much just like well, I believe in aliens, so does that mean sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:38

That doesn't help that helps it? Yeah. Okay, perfect. You're an alien.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

Cool beans.

SPEAKER_04 39:42

She's my alien.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

No, I just think of like the the sheer reason I ended up where he was working was cemented even before I was born. Yeah, that that relationship between my mother and her mother, and therefore my relationship with my mother and her mother is so much bigger than Chuck or I. And yet that is what that relationship, that intergenerational relationship is what made me go to his job. It was that. So that absolutely is something bigger than both of us. That is, but like culminating in both of us at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 40:34

Like it's a very impressive thought.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

To really put that all up. Yeah. That does back.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

So then I guess in that sense, if I believe in in a destiny that is bigger than myself and bigger than Chuck, that led me to Chuck.

SPEAKER_04 40:54

I mean, look at our parents, they are just they love us.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Oh, our parents. Our parents. Both of the sets of parents adore us together.

SPEAKER_04 41:06

I think made their love strong.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

Yeah, watching us express love. It like rejuvenated their like young love for each other.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

I think for so many of us, myself included, um maybe all humans, the idea that you're living this story. And the story started before you, but the story will continue after you. But you are here on this part of the timeline. Yeah. This is your this is your part of the story to tell and then carry on. And to think that without the larger story, this little tiny story wouldn't happen. Couldn't happen.

SPEAKER_00 41:47

No.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

If this were the last conversation the two of you were to have, what would you want the other person to know?

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

Yeah, you're welcome. And thank you for listening today. The Love Department is produced in Brooklyn, New York. A special thank you to Allie and Chuck for allowing us to interview them for today's episode. Special thanks to producer Karen Minto and sound engineer Bree Sealy. Our theme song is Love by Adam Baldig. Please stay in touch with us. You can reach out to the show on the Heartline by visiting our website at www.lov-department.com. For exclusive written content, subscribe to our Substack for just $5 a month. This week I wrote about bacon and how for the first time in 14 years I was really hungry for a piece. And while you're here, leave us a review and subscribe to this podcast. Okay, now hand to heart for the fore count. I wish you laughed.