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The HEAVEN ON EARTH Podcast: A Portal to Possibility
What Heaven on Earth Means to Me...
For me, heaven on earth is a life experience that pulses with harmony, leading from the heart while engaging the mind, body, and spirit. It's a journey marked by intention and interwoven with ever-increasing moments of mindfulness. This experience is grounded in a commitment to maintain a tranquil central nervous system and a dedication to nurturing bonds of adult secure attachment through mutual care and respect. And, as we ascend to higher consciousness, it's a sensuous love affair with the dynamic life we're living right now, on this earthly voyage.
Welcome to the Heaven on Earth Podcast!
In this podcast, we explore how dynamic individuals from diverse backgrounds are enriching their lives and contributing to a world filled with more healing, intimacy, and innovative solutions. The podcast is meant as a self-loving, non-hierarchical space where everyone is a protagonist, and where your unique perspective matters.
Thank you for joining us on this unique portal to possibility.
The HEAVEN ON EARTH Podcast: A Portal to Possibility
2025 The Era of Emotions: Navigating the Shift to Emotional Intelligence
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What if our emotions are the operating system of our lives, yet we've been running on outdated software? As we stand on the cusp of 2025, I propose that we're not just entering a new year, but a new era altogether—The Era of Emotions. Join me as we navigate this transformative shift from the Information Age to a time where emotional intelligence takes center stage in personal and collective evolution. In this episode, we untangle the intricate web of emotional illiteracy—those impulsive reactions and hidden wounds we all carry—and how understanding them can lead to profound healing and growth.
We'll explore how emotions are not just feelings but teachers that guide us through life's journey, much like a personal GPS. From the emotional narratives we create to the profound impact of unexpressed emotions manifesting physically, we dive deep into the meaning of emotional literacy. With insights drawn from thinkers like Eckhart Tolle, we'll discuss how embracing emotional awareness allows us to break free from patterns of regret and projection, turning life's obstacles into stepping stones for personal transformation.
As we approach the dawn of the Era of Emotions, we reflect on the unique qualities that differentiate us from artificial intelligence. While AI continues to evolve, it lacks the emotional depth and empathy that define our shared humanity. In this episode, we emphasize the power of emotional care, highlighting the role of emotions in fostering connection and empathy. By acknowledging and expressing our emotions, we not only heal ourselves but also contribute to a healthier, more empathetic society. Join us as we embark on this emotional journey, promising insights and strategies for navigating the complexities of our inner worlds.
Embracing Emotions
Speaker 1Welcome to the Heaven on Earth podcast , a world where you study the story you were born into and redesign it into the story you choose . A world where you can have Heaven on Earth right here , right now , no matter the past . For me , heaven on Earth is a holistic experience , leading with the heart , engaging with mind , body and spirit . It's mindful , fostering calm and secure attachments as we rise into consciousness . It's an earthly journey where we sensually embrace dynamic living . Boy , is this going to be a juicy heaven on earth podcast . I am recording this on the eve of New Year's Eve and I did that on purpose , because I'm entitling this episode 2025 , the Portal to the Era of Emotions . I really suggest that you get your coffee , you get your mate , you get your matcha , you get your notebook and pencil , because this is going to be a long episode . I really , really am going to deconstruct , describe , define the uses , the issues that we have with one of our primary operating systems , which is the operating system of our emotions , of what we feel . Now , since the human was born and existed for millennia , the human has had this operating system , but for some reason , we have spent centuries without really learning about it . Now there's a group of philosophers , gurus , yogis , psychologists that have focused on this , but this knowledge has not been available for all of us . And that's what I'd like to do . Listen , it is a huge , ambitious task for just one episode , but I am going to try and hit major points as to why you need what I call a PhD on you . If most of you know me , you know that that is the tagline to my private practice . That is the tagline to my private practice , the Dynamica practice , where I talk about getting a PhD on you . The more we know about a topic whether it's math , history , skateboarding , skiing , the tarot cards , does not matter . The more we know about a topic , the better we are at it , the more confident we feel discussing it . And what better topic than you ? What better topic than you for your work , for parenting , for loving , for dating , for downtime , for extroverted time ? What better topic than you ? And there is no other way to know yourself so well than through your operating system , which are your emotions . Because as you weave , as you understand , as you learn about your emotions , you will find your story . Our emotions tell our life story . And , if we use my approach of the all is in the small and the small is in the all . You will find that the emotions of the collective humanity tells the story of humanity , tells the story of war , tells the story of peace , and the exact same thing goes for you . You , your story of war , your story of peace , your story of love , your story of home All of it can be found in your emotions . So sit down , sit on that lounge , get your comfy blanket and we're going to start . We're going to start with why 2025 will be the portal to the era of emotion .
Speaker 1Since 2020 , what we've seen is an enormous swell of conversations , of dialoguing , of open discussions about trauma , about emotional wounding , about ancestral wounding , about narcissism . It's always been there , just like the human operating system of emotions . It's always been around . But what we are seeing now are open air conversations , and I know some of you are annoyed by this , are annoyed by all of this conversation about trauma . I hear it all the time about narcissism , about ancestral healing . But listen , if we're going to evolve as a humanity , we must know what our wounds are , what our mistakes have been because of dysregulated emotion . We must know about this , and that's why I'm doing this on the Heaven on Earth podcast . So , yes , there has been yes , there has been explosions of trauma since 2020 , but mostly engulfed in conversations about the essential need for us individually , but also as a collective , to heal . And we cannot heal without understanding , reflecting upon , discussing , intervening , tinkering with our emotions , and so that's why it is so important that we talk about it . But also , why is this a portal ? Why is 2025 a portal ?
Speaker 1In the 90s and the early 2000s , it was the explosion , the era of information . Information beginning with the fax machine . Information we've had the Industrial Revolution . Each little piece of history has had its era . In the 2000s , there was so much focus and study on the mind , including mindfulness , the awareness and the observation of our thinking , our dysfunctional thinking , our toxic thinking , the emergence of cognitive behavioral therapy , which has the triangle right what we think about impacts how we feel , which impacts our behavior .
Speaker 1Neuroscience everyone was talking about neuroplasticity . I'm still talking about it , absolutely in love with neuroplasticity Don't get me started on neuroplasticity because I love the belief that we can change who we are , that we can transform who we are , no matter how old we are and no matter the trauma that we suffered . So , yeah , me and neuroplasticity we're connected . Anyway , lots about the mind in this last 20 years , in the 2000s the mind , the mind , the mind . This last 20 years , in the 2000s the mind , the mind , the mind . What we're going to see ? Yes , we're going to see conversations about artificial intelligence . That is happening , and you're going to see in this podcast how I connect artificial intelligence to emotions . That's coming .
Speaker 1I'm coining this era , the era of emotions , because finally , as a collective not just in the offices of psychotherapists , not just in the offices of 12-step programs , not just in clinics , not just in support groups are we going to be talking about emotions . The collective will start to understand the importance of emotions for relational health , emotional health , mental health and collective health , because our inability as humans to not regulate our emotions or calibrate them or understand them has impacted our existence , has impacted our approach to war , has impacted how we treat our children , has impacted how we treat the people that we love and the people that we don't love . So it is essential we have no more excuses as to why we shouldn't understand our emotions . So let's start by identifying it as one of our primary operating systems . Our mind is one of our operating systems . Our body with our central nervous system , and all of it is not only connected this is really important it's unified . It is not mind body heart connection , mind body heart connection , it is mind body , heart . And I will add spirit Spirit . This is the Heaven on Earth podcast , because I believe in the invisible . As all of a manual , it has a way of usage . So today we are going to talk about how our operating system of emotions , how it impacts the other operating systems that we live with as human beings . So let's start with the uses , and you know how , in my cloudisms , I give things names or phrases that you can easily remember
Exploring Emotions as Operating System
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1What is this operating system for ? What are the uses ? The first one is it's a basic GPS . This is the basic version , and it's a GPS because it points us to , it gives us direction towards pain or pleasure . Very basic , it moves us . Like a GPS , it charts our direction . Do I want to move towards pain ? Do I want to move towards pleasure ? Do I want to move towards safety ? Do I want to move towards danger ? Do I want to move forward ? Do I want to move back ? Does this feel good ? Does this feel bad ? I'd like you to think of someone or some time inside yourself where it was just that basic . Does this feel good or did this feel bad ? Does this feel rewarding or does this feel punishing ?
Speaker 1Notice that in the basic form of this operation system , it lives in duality . It's one or another basic GPS . You know , I always look at my notes because I have copious notes on legal paper . Do you love that ? Does that date me ? Copious notes on legal paper ? Okay , the other way that our emotions and I want you at home or you on your walk , who are listening to this , to really start just thinking of you as I'm talking , thinking of you and I'm going to talk to you a lot , because I want you to take this in , and if I'm talking to you , you'll feel like it's more personal , and when it's more personal , you'll receive it .
Speaker 1So let's go with number two , the use of this operating system . This operating system of emotion serves as messengers . They're like little text messages that come from inside of us and these text messages connected to the basic GPS , because each one of the uses will build on the other and by building it will become more complex , more complicated . Okay , these little text messages , these messengers inside of you , are on a spectrum and it tells us something about what we're experiencing , us something about what we're experiencing , whether it's internal or external . Here we are out in the world , and it will send us a message you are feeling something Now . These messages don't move us into action yet , but they do say , hmm , something is happening . And sometimes this operating system will send us a message without it being entirely integrated with what we're thinking . It will just give us a feeling and those feelings are messengers .
Speaker 1The third use is that these feelings , these emotions , are authors . They are the storytellers of our life . Our feelings are designing , weaving , creating our story , because our feelings are from our past , are from our past , are from our present and they create our future . These feelings , these messengers , this GPS , inform us of who we are , because when we don't like something that tells us who we are , us who we are , when we like something that tells us who we are , it begins to create our identity . This is our story .
Speaker 1In my last podcast , I talked about the fact that in silent homes , what happens is when the parents aren't speaking or emoting or poker facing , what happens is the child is having all of these feelings that are normal and natural for our operating system , but the story that is inside of them through their feelings is not getting expressed . So it's really hard to know our identity , to know what we like , what we don't like , If in our early years we don't know how to express them or aren't allowed to feel them . Remember this one's really important . Our feelings tell our story . Now , listen right now . Our feelings tell our story Now , listen right now . We're not interested if it's in a good story , a bad story , a trauma story , we don't care . What we have to identify is that our feelings are the storytellers of who we are , are the identity makers of us , of the protagonist in our story . Feelings inform us of who we are .
Speaker 1The other use of this operating system is that Eckhart Tolle talks about this in his book . The Power of Now is our feelings provide us with a lesson . So our feelings can be our teachers , it can be our emotions . They can be our emotions . Let's say the experience of heartbreak .
Speaker 1Now Eckhart Tolle has this very particular way of talking about it and I want to invite you to just try and put yourself in this headspace , even if it doesn't connect fully . He invites us to say if I chose this feeling , for example , if I chose this heartbreak , this place where I was abandoned , or I was the abandoner if I chose it . And that immediately puts us into an empowered state . It removes us out of victim because it actually puts us as the protagonist of our story and says if I chose this , what am I trying to learn ? What am I trying to learn If I chose this situation at work , if I chose this situation as a third party , if I chose this situation where I'm struggling with having children , if I chose this , I know , hold on , hold on Just for a second . Ask yourself , put yourself in that seat , that empowered seat . What lesson am I trying to learn ?
Speaker 1Another way of asking it is what is this teaching me ? What is this teaching me and that actually links back to my whole belief in the wound can be our gift , not only as a trauma survivor and someone who interviews people all the time who made their wounds , made their childhood wounds into their gift . Did they know that ? All along ? No , no . Did I know that ? All along ? No , no , did I know that ? All along no . But as I kept asking the question , as I kept self-reflecting and getting a PhD on me , I understood that every single situation I went through with the invitation that my feelings were my teachers and we're going to talk about , when we deny that , when we're not learning from our experiences that involve feelings . That's when we get really stuck . That's when we become very rigid . So the question is , what am I learning ? Feelings can be our teachers Ready , ready for this one ?
Speaker 1Our feelings are our triggers . So that's connected to messengers , that's connected to teachers , that's connected to the basic GPS . Right , this is a good one . Thank you , triggers , because it leads us to the landmines and , I add , because it leads us to the gold mines . Thank you , triggers , because it leads us to landmines and the fault lines , the deepest wounds that we might never know , that we're walking around with .
Speaker 1I call it the sleeping volcano . A lot of people say that the unconscious right is that image of the glacier underneath the water , that all we see is the 5% above and there's this big glacier of unconscious on the bottom . When I'm teaching in dynamic meditation method , the sleeping volcano . And if you've ever seen a sleeping volcano , it's actually quite beautiful , and then it erupts . And what makes it erupt are these triggers and through these triggers we find the fault lines . Now , listen , not pleasant , right , this is hard . Being triggered is hard , but know that these are very , very , very powerful messages , very powerful messengers as to what we've got going inside Freakers . Let us know what needs to heal , what needs to be cleaned up , what is inflamed inside of us . It's like triggers are like hot oil hot oil , something is happening .
Speaker 1And the thing with the trigger , though remember how we talked about that some emotions , or , when I said earlier , does not the messenger , does not move us into action . With triggers , we move into action , and sometimes it's destructive actions towards ourselves or towards others , and this is how we link it to the collective . The all is in the small , the small is in the all , because it is triggers that lead us into war , war with ourselves , war with others , triggers . So I want you to memorize this . Thank you . Triggers , because you lead me to my fault line and , if I have guidance , support from a therapist , from a group , from a 12-step program , from books , from a coach , it can lead us to our gold mine Because , like in all great alchemy , hello , shout out Sagittarius , the great alchemizers of astrology when we hit the fault line , because the trigger , let us know , we can alchemize that into gold . It can lead to our gold mines . It could lead to the place that makes us the strongest , the most powerful . But we got to know it , we've got to explore it and listen . It is hard to be triggered . I just got triggered the other day in situations with my son and every single time it's my trauma . Every single time I'm going into my past and immediately what I see , all I can see is a traumatized future . So it really is powerful . And today we are going to talk about trauma as a very frozen , stuck , complicated form , amalgam of emotions . Okay , we'll talk about that . Let's keep going .
Speaker 1What else is a feeling ? What other use do feelings have ? It's the universal language . It is the great connector . I love this . We do not need to speak the verbal 3D language of anybody else in the world to understand what they feel . You can be watching a Vietnamese movie , a Turkish movie , a Latin American movie . And because we all know as humans , we know shame , we know sorrow , we know grief when our child dies , when our parent dies . We know rage , we know jealousy , we know grief , we know what it's like to want to fight for someone , fight for something . We know falling in love , we know feeling erotic urges , because it is part of the human operating system , it is part of who we are . Operating system . It is part of who we are the being able to speak the language is secondary . Having feelings is primary and it connects us all , and that is why getting a PhD on our feelings can be one of the greatest places of connection with others . I'm going to talk about it later . It's the I am you and you are me principle . Now , avoiding our feelings and projecting our feelings take us to war . Understanding our feelings and allowing and accepting our feelings leads us to connection . Write that down , okay .
Speaker 1Another use of feelings are the bridge . They are the bridge and all of this builds on one another between the visible and the invisible . Feelings is what allows us to connect with the quantum field , with God , with spirits , with angels . It is the great connector . It is the great connector Because sometimes we have feelings that we've never known before . Sometimes feelings just wash over us when we have the experience of being the I am that I am . You saw my last podcast , my last episode of the Burning Bush . It is through feelings that we can bridge to the invisible . Whether that be for you , the great I am , with your higher self , or with a higher power , or with the quantum field . It doesn't matter . Our feelings are the bridge , because faith doesn't always go by what we think . It goes through a feeling .
Speaker 1I know that I know Some people . When they talk about the person they married , they're asked how did you know ? And they say I just knew . I knew because a feeling washed over me . Now in the most dysfunctional of ways , sometimes it could be the familiarity of trauma . I knew that person . My dad was an alcoholic and so I married an alcoholic . But that also is a feeling and notice that . If you know that about yourself , if you've understood that I am attracted to patterns of dysfunction because of my family of origin , that's knowing your operating system and it's begging , it's asking , it's crying out for healing our operating system of emotions .
Speaker 1Finally , the piece de resistance of one of the uses of feelings of our operating system is it's a great DJ . What do I mean by that ? When we allow , when we understand , when we have studied ourselves and why we feel what we feel , when we understand why we choose our GPS , our directions . Is this painful ? Do I run away Right ? If you're avoidant , if you're anxiously attached ? All of those theories are about feelings . Am I seeking safety or danger ? How much am I feeling Panic attacks ? Is fear ? How much am I feeling Panic attacks ? Is fear spontaneously erupting ?
Speaker 1So when we become a great DJ is because we've learned to calibrate the volumes just like a DJ , volumes just like a DJ . We've learned to work with our panics , our anxiety attacks , our jealousies . We've understood them . We have before us this beautiful equipment that is us , because our feelings are us and we learn . We learn through many tools , with guides , with practice , how to calibrate . We become the best DJ , the PhD DJ on ourselves , by learning how to regulate and calibrate .
Speaker 1Now , listen , not everyone believes in emotional regulation and I'll talk about that soon . But let's recap . What are the uses ? Basic GPS messengers , storytellers , slash authors of our life , the teachers . What are we learning ? What are we learning from these feelings ? Triggers into the sleeping volcano , into the gold mine , the universal language , the great connector , those go together . The bridge to the divine , invisible . And the DJ when we
Navigating Emotional Illiteracy and Its Effects
Speaker 1are healed .
Speaker 1Okay , now that we've discussed the uses of our emotional operating system , let's move into what can happen , or what actually happens , when we are emotionally illiterate and I want to say that because , remember , we talked about getting a PhD on yourself . Well , when we are emotionally illiterate , when we have never understood our emotional inner world , there's a whole series of things that can happen that can completely derail our lives Completely . It's like driving a car , a stick shift , even an electric car without knowing what you're doing . That is what humanity has done for all of this time . That is what humanity has done for all of this time . We have not read the manual , but there's more and more books , more and more teachers , more and more guidance about how to manage our operating system . So let's start the issues when we are emotionally illiterate .
Speaker 1Look like this Number one super easy one regret . Why do we regret ? We live in regret . Now , if this is you , I want you to really get in touch with this . We regret that we went into dysregulated action . We yelled , maybe we hit somebody , maybe we stormed into the office , maybe we stormed into a school with a gun . These are dysregulated actions . We really injured somebody and we couldn't control ourselves , and this happens a lot to folks who haven't really understood how to work with their traumatic past . It just spills out into their life . Now , what I want you to notice about there is that and this is really important because it's going to come up when we talk about the solutions , what happens is that there's no pause . There's no pause between the emotion and the action , so we end up regretting a lot of things .
Speaker 1Regret is a big one . The other way we regret and this might hit some of you , this might hit home is that we regret that we didn't know what we were feeling at the time . A lot of shoulda , coulda , woulda . Maybe our wife walked out on us and said I've had enough . I've had enough of your mask , of your poker face , of you never sharing your emotions with me , of your avoidance . This could be for a man too . It's like the ones that got away , the ones that got away . That's all about living in regret for the feelings that were not expressed . This happens to parents on their deathbed or when they realize that their kids just don't want to be around them anymore and it's because they didn't know what they were feeling . They didn't know what to do with what they were .
Speaker 1Feeling , so regret . Number two feeling so regret . Number two explosions and implosions . Examples of explosions are you're walking around trigger what we just said before ? You're just walking around triggered . I know I've been that type of person where I didn't know why I was having these rageful reactions or defensive reactions , or why I would burst into tears with my family of origin , just triggers . And even in my marriage or with my child , explosions . You're a walking trigger and again there's no pause between the feeling and the action .
Speaker 1Implosions , and implosions are things like depression . So if we are emotionally illiterate , these can become mental health issues . Or if we are in houses that are emotionally illiterate , where there's a ton of implosions or explosions , they will become mental health issues . So an implosion is depression and Freud used to talk about that . Depression is actually anger turned inwards , as opposed to exploding , which is anger turned outwards . There's a lot of negative self-talk , blaming the self , bullying the self and of course , in that type of internal environment you're going to get depressed and sometimes you're going to become suicidal because you can't bear it anymore . You can't bear the internal voice . Explosions and implosions , Projections and if you saw my episode on the shadow , if you haven't , please go to talk about Carl Jung's concept of the shadow which are the parts of ourselves , and sometimes they're good , sometimes they're usually things we really struggle with about ourselves , that we basically put into the shadow , that we deny and I like to say that we amputate , that we pretend are not there .
Speaker 1And so what happens is that we project them onto somebody else . We project them . Let's say , we're very jealous , but we can't accept that we're jealous . Let's say , how about this one that we are in love ? We are in love , but we cannot accept the part of ourselves that feels in love because we connect it to feeling weak . And so what do we do ? We project it . We take this thing that we're feeling and we literally put , we glom it on to our partner . To somebody else we say stop being so needy , because they're acting in love , they're owning their in-loveness , stop being so needy , get away from me . Projection .
Speaker 1As a group of people , as collectives , we project all the time , all the time , all the time we project the worst parts of ourselves , as a nation , as an ethnicity , as a religion . We project it onto others . We find that there's so many pastors and people with religious authority who have , in their shadow , a rampant , inappropriate sexual history , because on the pulpit they are rejecting , putting into the shadow their sexual urges and saying that these are wrong , but in the shadow they're acting them out Again . No pausing between the actual feeling and the action . Projections projecting our shadow , we dissociate . And another word for dissociating is that we tune out , we check out , we leave our bodies .
Speaker 1Now , the one thing with dissociation and all of these are all adaptations . Remember , we want to be super kind at the origin story of these defenses or these reactions . We want to be kind . We won't investigate them . Then we will not have the PhD on ourselves , then we won't understand ourselves . That is the whole idea about mindfulness is to have this compassionate self-reflection and self-investigation . And that's where a therapist helps , because therapists can create this nonjudgmental space . Dissociation begins as an adaptation space Dissociation begins as an adaptation . Something was so terrifying , so horrific , so anxiety provoking , that we had to tune out , we had to check out .
Speaker 1And Gabor Mate talks about this a lot . I really love the way he talks about dissociation because I completely agree with his theory , which is ADHD , for example , and he says that he's been diagnosed with ADHD or ADD is actually the defensive mechanism , the adaptive response to being in situations where children had to tune out in some way . They had to dissociate . The way that I would take that even further . My take on ADD or ADHD is that that child , for some reason , had to be in a hypervigilant state and what that means is that they're always tracking for danger . They're looking around , tracking , tracking , tracking , tracking .
Speaker 1And so the way that it connects to what Gabor Mate says is that they're tuning out of the present experience , the now moment experience , because for some reason it's intolerable and then this becomes a habit . It becomes a habit especially as people call you out on it or call the child out on it . Then they start feeling bad . Right , there's all these other layers of feelings . You start feeling bad , you start bullying yourself , you start criticizing yourself because you're getting that from the outside world for being tuned out , for being checked out , which is a dissociative response to having really , really intense you got it feelings . Okay , addictions , that's another way it shows up . It shows up as addictions .
Speaker 1Addictions are a running from the self because we cannot bear to be with ourselves , and that's usually because , again , the child or the person's environment as they were growing was intolerable , was intolerable and the messaging was full of hate in some way , because usually the addict self hates and to live with the internal bully , with the bully who's constantly saying hate yourself , you've got to numb out in some way . And so , weirdly Gabor Mate says this and I've heard other teachers say this the addiction , or the substance or the addictive process , like porn , for example . If people are addicted to porn , is the way of coping , is the solution , is the running from actually being in the full experiences of the self , of the story of self , and the story of self is having feelings that are unbearable and similar to ADD and ADHD . There's a whole bunch of layers of feelings that then begin to surround the addictive process , like shame , self-hate . Then I run some more , then I do destructive things , I do explosions or implosions and I live in regret . So many layers so that the person you , me , the addict are farther and farther away from themselves . So addictions is a way that emotionally illiteracy shows up .
Speaker 1Okay , obsessions and ruminations , and again , all of these lead to mental health issues . Think of it the DSM , the Diagnostic Statistical Manual for psychologists , counselors , psychiatrists . It has at its roots an inability to manage cognitions and emotions . Some of it is genetic , for sure , but let's really think about this . It is a type of emotional illiteracy and so many therapeutic interventions , theories , modalities include the ability to be able to manage your emotions and that's part of the healing .
Speaker 1Obsessions and ruminations are a way of dissociating because they immediately take us out of the now moment . They're a habit that go down a rabbit hole and obsessions we know that's part of stalking , that's part of obsessive compulsive disorder and ruminating , because part of the feeling is that something is happening when we are feeling powerless . When we are feeling powerless or out of control , obsessions and ruminations give us this mirage that we're actually doing something by thinking about it in a loop , over and over and over again . That's what's happening when we are emotionally illiterate . We can become two things either robotic or because we're not allowing emotions . For those of you who know how to do a poker face really well , who know how to act without emoting , for those of you who maybe hold it as righteous , maybe , or feel very proud that you're not showing your emotions , it can have a sense of feeling a little bit robotic , and all of that is adaptive .
Speaker 1By the way , you learned that somewhere . That goes back to houses where two things they might've been families or houses that were super volatile . They might've been families or houses that were super volatile . So you learn to be the person in the house who didn't have those emotions , who wouldn't stoop down to those emotions , who vowed that you would never be that person who would get angry or sad in public , that you vowed , that you would never be like your histrionic mom , your hysterical dad , your rageful father . You vowed that . Okay , that's one possibility .
Speaker 1The other possibility is that it was a very silent home , a home where we've talked about this I talked about this in my last post where the silence was burgeoning with feelings . And think of little ones . I mean , little ones are always feelings , they're always having reactions . So if you start to get the message that the rules in the house is that you don't show emotion , you don't act out , you don't express Number one , you're really muting and censoring your life story . Number one , you're really muting and censoring your life story . Number two those burgeoning emotions are going somewhere , but they're going into the shadow . So there might be a lot of secrecy . There might be a lot of hiding , acting one way but behaving another . In these silent homes , there might be silent addictions . Secrecy is , for sure , part of the silent home , the censored home .
Speaker 1This is all the ways that emotional illiteracy shows up . The other way it shows up is mimic the silent homes . Or in the vault from the volatile homes , you start to mimic what other people are doing . You just copy , you steal . You steal what you think you should be feeling , how you should be acting , you mimic it , but the same thing , right ? You don't know who you are . You don't know your own life story because you're not going in and saying do I like this , do I want this ? Does this feel safe ? Does this feel dangerous ? Does this feel pleasurable ? Is this who I am ? The life story isn't showing up when there's emotional silence or emotional volatility . Right , both are extreme examples of emotional illiteracy . Listen , I've gotten feedback that I do this a lot when I'm teaching or when I'm doing this podcast , and I totally apologize if this is annoying you . Where I'm putting my , I think the bridge of my nose is really small , so my glasses are always sliding down , so I apologize . If it really bugs , you just listen to me and you don't have to watch me . It's annoying to me too , and that's a feeling
Recognizing Emotional Indicators and Action
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1A home that is not discussing feelings will become unstable , whether you're quiet or you're volatile , because have you ever been on a plane where there's lots of turbulence and no one's saying anything ? That's anxiety provoking . That's scary . That makes you feel weird . In silent homes , kids feel weird , like maybe I shouldn't be feeling this , because my mom's not . My dad just did that and I'm furious , but my mom does not . Showing that makes you feel weird . It's unstable . Believe it or not , people think that it provides stability , does it ? You can talk about feelings and remain stable . Feelings and remain stable .
Speaker 1Let me add some aspects of emotional illiteracy that might be surprising to you . One is gossip . This is one of the ways that emotional illiteracy disguises itself . Gossip and complaints . When people are gossiping , when families are , that , they're feeling out by gossiping , by getting their projections out , by saying , oh , look at what she's wearing , oh , look at what they're doing , look at how ridiculous they are by gossiping . Those are anxieties , those are projections , because when we feel good about who we are and we're calm , there's no need to point fingers . This is the way we project it onto others . Gossip , gossip are disguised feelings . If you're gossiping about your sister , your cousin , if that's all you do , but you're not showing emotion , what you're doing is using gossip as a way of weaponizing yes , your emotions .
Speaker 1So ask yourself what am I feeling about the fact that she dresses like that ? What am I feeling about the fact that she got the raise ? What am I feeling about the fact that she dresses like that ? What am I feeling about the fact that she got the raise ? What am I feeling about the fact that they're happily married ? What am I feeling about the fact that my boss favorites them ? What am I feeling ?
Speaker 1The other thing is complaints , constant complaints . These are homes , these are relationships where there's constant complaining . If your child is complaining , ask them well , what do you feel about it ? Right , I can't believe traffic was so bad every single day . I can't believe that my boss blah , blah , blah , blah Every single day . Complaints First single day . Complaints , first of all . Complaining and gossiping erode the environment . They are completely erosive . So ask yourself what am I feeling ? Or ask that person what are you feeling ? They're probably going to be shocked because they haven't gotten in touch with that . They're not connecting it to them having feelings and certainly not owning it , because it's projection . So really notice , if you're really complaining , how are you not empowering yourself by first acting , asking what are you feeling ? And , if you're gossiping , ask what am I actually feeling ?
Speaker 1The other way that feelings show up is in what I call the tower moments . And boy , these are hard . It's what ? In 12 steps it's hitting bottom . It's the alcoholic who keeps getting an intuitive hit , or keeps getting warned to not drink and drive , not drink and drive , not drink and drive , and at some point they crashed a car , they might kill somebody in an accident , and those are a tower moment . Or they keep hating their jobs , hating their jobs , unhappy in their marriage . These feelings gather momentum inside of us , gather momentum and they build this tower In Tarot . It's the tower moment where everything comes crashing down . If we're not looking at discussing , analyzing , sifting through our feelings , we'll have a tower moment .
Understanding Eating Disorders and Emotional Health
Speaker 1Eating disorders is another way . Eating disorders are a way of having power , and these are usually eating disorders happen in a home where the child feels over-controlled and out of control , and so the thing to do is to ruminate and obsess and control everything that they eat . It's again , it's adaptive . At the beginning . It's a strange way to feel of maybe feeling rageful , because an eating disorder is usually a rageful response to feeling over-controlled and out of control , and so managing these little bits of eating , binging and purging is another one . Feelings and ruminating about food See all the layers that happen when we're emotionally illiterate , which begin to create tower moments where things get worse and worse and worse . We get farther and farther and farther away from ourselves , farther and farther away from the story of ourself , and then it's the tower moments that bring us back to the self . Not ideal , not ideal . We don't want to have to suffer , we don't want our children to suffer that much . Our marriages , we don't want to have to leave the marriage in order for the person to get in touch with themselves , and that's where the healing begins .
Speaker 1Okay , now to finish off today's episode , I'm going to finish with three of the major ways that not knowing our emotional operating system , not knowing how to manage it , understand it , work with it , impacts us in very profound ways . I'm going to go through three things , and then I'm going to end the podcast , but know that this is going to be a series , because in my next podcast I'm going to talk about how to do this . What are some healing ways that you are going to have by the end of that podcast ? Ways to understand it , because I do want folks to have these concepts For 2025 , we are moving into the era of emotions , so you must understand this as your operating system , what to do and find ways that you're identifying with this episode .
Speaker 1Number one is that we somaticize our emotions , and what that means is the emotions need a place to go because they are energy . Emotions are energy and in my next podcast I'm going to describe and explain what that's about . Each emotion has a tonality , a texture , an energetic signature to it , and one of the ways that I describe it is depression has very slow energy and heavy energy , which is why we don't want to move . When we're depressed , anger has more energy . I always say revolutions are started by anger . We move , we divorce , we move out , we self-advocate when we have anger . We also destroy when we have anger , because there's more of a movement .
Speaker 1And again , I'm going to get into that part later , but in this episode I want to talk about the fact that when we somaticize , when we're not expressing or handling or managing or understanding our feelings , it gets stored in the body . We implode and it buries itself in our body , it somaticizes and this causes sickness . If we circle back to the mind , body , spirit , emotions , unity right , they're all unified systems Then this is what happens is that our bodies get sick . Let's take the case of trauma .
Speaker 1Trauma is an experience , an intense , terrifying , horrifying experience where the body is unable to process , to completion its defense mechanism . So the body's natural defense mechanism cannot complete its cycle , because most of the times , maybe all of the times , in trauma we have the experience of being immobilized . Whether that's physically , through sexual , physical abuse , war , being taken hostage , seeing an explosion , we have the experience of being immobilized . Or , I want to add , or feeling absolutely shocked when the coach touches us inappropriately , when the doctor touches us inappropriately . Sometimes we are immobilized by shock . That's why , when they ask victims , well , why didn't you do anything ? It's because in a lot of cases we're a deer in headlights , we're so shocked .
Speaker 1It happens in cults , it happens in all situations that involve trauma . There is this sort of washing over of shock that immobilizes us . So the body wants to do something . Drama requires that we do something , but we can't . We want to fight , we want to flee , we want to hide , we want to bury ourselves away like a possum , but we're immobilized so we cannot do it ourselves . Away like a possum , but we're immobilized so we cannot do it .
Speaker 1So when we have post-traumatic symptoms after these events , what's happening is the body is attempting to close that loop and cannot . The body is frozen on repeat . I always say that trauma is a frozen experience that we can't find the ways to thaw to thaw , but there are ways . There are ways and it's stuck in our body . So what happens is the past is constantly . What's that movie Groundhog Day ? The past is constantly in the present . It robs us of the future . We can't see the future because we're always reacting by our internal triggers .
Speaker 1Post-traumatic symptoms are an attempt to solve what we couldn't do when the trauma was happening . But it's on repeat because we don't have the tools . We don't have the tools Now , today . This is my message we do 2024 , 2025 , 2024 , 2025 , this the last part of the 2000s . We have so much understanding through so many beautiful teachers and experts and psychologists and doctors who have studied this . We have the tools . I'm going to talk about that in the next podcast .
Speaker 1Of course , we crash and burn . It crashes and burns because it just makes our life worse . We know this . Why ? Because we dissociate more , we ruminate more , we keep repeating again . Things start to go on repeat as an attempt to solve , as an attempt to self-comfort . The internal bully is overwhelming . We must run from that shadow that gets bigger and bigger and bigger . The thing is , once we start running from our feelings , that shadow , it's like we keep adding momentum fuel . It begins to amass like a big dark cloud that stalks us , lurks , hides in the corners , ambushes us . The shadow gets bigger . If unaddressed , it either lodges in the body . We run from it through addictions . The idea here is that it gets bigger and worse and we have access to ways that we can decrease this . Mostly , it's like everything else when we don't know what's happening , we get scared and it's harder for us without a calm central nervous system to actually address it .
Speaker 1Now the other thing is I want to do a little plug here , for the all is in the small and the small is in the all . Which is ? This happens to nations , to governments , to religious organizations , in cults . What's happening in the individual happens in groups , happens in groups , groups that destroy groups that seek war to comfort themselves . The all is in the small and the small is in the all .
Speaker 1The third way that I wanted to talk about was mood disorders . Basically , what happens in borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder is this hypersensitivity to what ? To emotional triggers . This child , with its little , tiny , raw psyche , was experiencing things that were out of control in a massive way . Now this can also show up in a home that's ruled by silence . Sometimes , in those homes , the child who is acting out all over the place is actually the scapegoat for the family . For all that is unspoken in the family , a lot of people will say . But it's also genetic and that there's truth to that . There's truth to the fact that we pass on unprocessed anxiety , we pass on unprocessed depression , whether it's by nature or nurture . Do you see , I keep driving this home . If we do not understand this emotional operating system , it will cause havoc and it will cause generational havoc . What do you say ? What do you say if we take 2025 and really get a PhD on ourselves ? That's my real invitation for the individual and collectively . What do you say ? We start building heaven on earth one person at a time .
Speaker 1What happens is people with these personality disorders or bipolar disorder basically the disorder where emotions are just spastic all over the place , constant projections , constant blame right Is because they can't help seeing their world and their life through a lens of pain . They are walking around raw . They are a live wire . The defense mechanisms that come from that are volatility , are trying to dominate others . There's a lot of power struggles . There are these pendulum swings , extreme pendulum swings of emptiness and fullness , but fullness of rage , fullness of obsession , then swings totally to emptiness . Basically a lot of rigid duality . For borderline personality disorder , for example , that's called splitting I love you or I hate you .
Speaker 1What happens is the parent , because they couldn't , didn't help manage these huge , huge , huge , enormous emotions , and it's very likely because the home didn't know how to manage it . We don't know how to manage it , which is why I'm talking about it . We have to move into the era of emotions , because people are triggered and dysregulated 24-7 , all day long , and with social media even more , and with internet even more , because we have access to the whole world now . So we're triggered by the whole world every single day , by the news every single day , and so we must . We must create new generations that know what's happening inside of them , and there's lots and lots of solutions of them , and there's lots and lots of solutions . This episode is to bring home the fact that we have an emotional operating system which is beautiful , has multiple uses , that we can learn to understand , that we have manuals now that we have books , that we have manuals now that we have books , that we have free access to podcasts like this , where we can learn about ourselves , about our humanity , in terms of the Heaven on Earth idea and platform . It's how do we stop engaging in so much of the war vibe , stop engaging in so much of the war vibe , in so much of hating ourselves and then hating others , because when we're in self-hate we will hate others and what we're really doing is hating humanity .
The Power of Emotional Care
Speaker 1Let me talk a little bit about artificial intelligence . Personally , I think that every generation has something new and , again , we must understand things . First . We must understand , we must educate ourselves . Knowledge is power . We must look at the pros and cons . We must look at the pros and cons . So that's my take on you know , ask me any questions you want about artificial intelligence and where I land on it .
Speaker 1But one thing I can say is what will distinguish us the most from artificial intelligence is our emotional operating system . Humans have tenderness , humans have intimacy , humans kiss on the forehead , humans caress because they have the emotional urge . Humans care , and if you've read my book , I believe that care is what has kept us alive , more than love , because doctors in hospitals , paramedics , teachers are caring for people they don't know . Care , caring , is part of our emotional operating system . That keeps us connected and alive . That keeps us connected and alive . We do not have to speak the same language in order to care for someone who is suffering , in order to help someone cross the street , in order to stand up from our seat and offer it . Care is what makes us human , and care is actually an emotion , and I think ai is going to be super helpful . It is already helpful to me , but it doesn't have the emotions that we have between humans to keep us from war , to keep us more connected , to allow us to have a calm central nervous system , to allow us to love more cleanly .
Speaker 1I'm going to stop here . There's so much juice . I hope you took notes and get ready , because the next episode we're actually going to talk about the beauty , the beauty of the tools that are out there , about these manuals that I'm talking about . Take your time , do a double walk , get all your steps in with that's what I do . Get all your steps in with this episode . I'm thinking about you and happy new year . You're not alone . Let's do this together .