The Oldest Algorithm: Love Bombing, DARVO, & Why Healing Is A Radical Act

Transcript

Series Finale And Book Launch

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Mindful, fostering, and secure it has. As we rise into consciousness, it's an earthly journey where we sensually embrace dynamic living. Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome back. Today I'm going to do a combo. This is the final, final episode of the Narcissistic Classified vlog series, but it's so important and it spotlights so many things that we talked about over the sequence of the series, that I'm also going to post it as a podcast.

Why Narcissism Is An Ancient Empire

SPEAKER_00 1:19

So for my podcast audience, you can go to my YouTube channel to see the whole vlog series that I entitled The Narcissistic Classified. And I did it to launch the book, the book that just came out in November, which is Healing from Narcissistic Abuse, Rebuild from Relationship Trauma, and Find Your Life Again. And it is a psycho-spiritual book. It's written by a woman named Grace Bean, who lives in Spain, and by me. And what we did was a very interesting combination. She described her story, how she went through a really painful relationship with the narcissist. She describes it fully and the work that she did to recover from it. And I come in and I share my insights as she's talking. It's almost like there's a double screen. And as she's sharing her story, I come in with clinical insights and psycho-spiritual insights along the way. It's beautiful if this is a situation that you're in, but also it's just educating in terms of doing the inner work, the psycho-spiritual inner work. It's on Amazon. Go ahead and get that. For my podcast audience, go ahead and follow me on YouTube, and you'll see the whole vlog series. And the point of this vlog series was to look for things that you might not catch otherwise. I wasn't talking about the loud, arrogant, flamboyant narcissist. I was talking about the folks who we might never suspect until we're deeply in it. The narcissistic friend, the parent, the way it might show up in a parent, which was pretty painful to talk about, but it's there. It's all there. So today is a summary and also a what to look for, again, what to expect. And this merges beautifully with my last podcast, which is Healing is Activism, because we have to know basically what the carcinogens are. We have to know how to recognize the symptoms of things that make us sick, of things that harm us. We have to know how to recognize them. And so this is a beautiful merging before we begin our healing. Let's settle in. Go get your PhD on Me Journal. Wrap yourself in your peacock blanket. Pour something warm in your You've Done Harder, my love mug. Light your I am the lighthouse candle. Because today we're gonna huddle, and all of those things are on my online store. For moments like this, we're swaddling our nervous systems. And look, I'm comforting myself too. So let's huddle together because we're gonna talk about things that feel brutal. But just as it is brutal, it is liberating. If you've been following the vlog series, you know that we've been walking through the different faces of narcissism, especially the ones that don't look narcissistic at first. Charming ones, the spiritual ones, believe it or not, the soft-spoken ones, sad ones, the victim ones, the ones who act like they would never hurt a fly. But in case you're new, today's teaching stands alone. It'll hold up all by itself. Because if you understand today's episode, podcast, blog, you'll understand the whole series. Today we are taking apart the oldest empire in human history. An empire that's built on dominating, deception, hierarchy, superior, inferior paradigms, and physical, spiritual, and emotional extraction. And we're declassifying it. We're gonna name it out loud. And then we're gonna move to talking about you, about your healing, about your freedom, about the light at the end of your tunnel. So take a sip of your coffee, let's do that together, and integrate this slowly. So where does it all begin? I'm gonna open up with a sentence that might shock you. And I want you to memorize it that narcissism is the oldest empire on the planet. It's older than Rome. It's older than Greece, it's older than the Ottomans, it's older than Genghis Kant. It's older than the feudal systems, is the exact human blueprint for domination. This is it. And it's replicated. It's replicated in families, religions, institutions, governments, political parties, and yes, when it comes all the way down from the all to the small in our relationships. That's why we're talking about it. This is why it has been the empire and the blueprint that teaches people that they are allowed to win at all costs. And you are the cost. You. So the individual narcissist isn't a glitch in the programming, in the system. They are actually a microcosm of something much larger, a larger machine.

The Script: Study, Seduce, Speed

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But let's bring the camera a little closer. Let's bring the all to the small right because we're gonna try and talk about the person that if you're doing this work, you've been trying to understand. So they knew what you wanted to hear. Even before you knew you needed to hear it. You've been studied. Narcissists walk into your life as if they've read the script ahead of them. And that's the spoiler alert. There is a script, even though it feels shocking over and over and over as you're in it. But this is what we're doing here. I'm providing you with the script. Many people are. There's a lot of great people like Dr. Romani out there, Lisa Romano, lots of great people talking about this. My particular point of view is the all is in the small, and the small is in the all, to realize that this is systemic, that it's not just about individual relationships. But again, I digress. Let me get back. You get this sense that they know you, that they know what you find oppressive, what wounds you're wanting to hide, where you feel vulnerable. It feels like they know what you're longing for, and that they can feel that. They know what you fear. Not exactly because they're psychic, although there is a way that they know how to read really well. It's because they've done this with so many people. This is an MO, a modus operandi. They've studied human desire and human wounding like other people study languages, because this is a language. And you feel that. You feel like they speak your language, your personal language. And by the way, what they provide at the beginning is a human language, is the need to connect, to feel protected, to feel safe, to feel like you're finally belonging. So they do speak the basic original human language, what we all need in our root chakra. Their confidence feels intoxicating because you feel protected. You feel like someone's finally here who will protect me because it's likely responding to a wound you've had since you were a child of feeling like you didn't belong and weren't protected. And for those of you who that wasn't true, you don't come from a wounded background, but maybe you're the one who's super alive, vibrant, energetic, confident, ready to go, ready to take life on. Well, they want that. Absolutely. You're an amazing source of supply. So it's not exactly that they're confident, it is that they are familiar with who they are looking for. They know the steps, they know the rhythm, they're incredibly in tune and attuned at the start. They know and follow the cues. And if you're an empath, which most of my audience is, or a highly sensitive, or an open-hearted human, you respond to this at a biological level. It's almost like your DNA just opens up. Who would it to feel studied? To feel like someone is so attuned to you. You get flooded with dopamine. It's exciting. You get flooded with norobinephrine from the anticipation. It's delicious. It's bubbly. Ugh, I love that feel. All the serotonin from thinking about this person over and over and over again. Grace talks about that beautifully in the book. It's delicious. And eventually, if they stay long enough, you'll get flooded with oxytocin and vesopressin. These are the bonding hormones, the cudd hormones, because these are the neuropeptides that bond you. This isn't just happening up in your head and heart. This is happening in your whole body. And again, it's scrumptious. And sadly, there is a catch. Yep, there's a catch. Bonding takes time. Narcissists don't want that time. They gotta move it quickly and have all of that process that I just described. They have to have it really fast. It's almost like you've got to land the sail quickly. They want your attachment, they want your attention, they want your admiration, and not really your intimacy. That's the first shock because it feels so intimate. This is why everything feels fast. It's like overnight closeness. Grace talks about the fact that her person wanted to move in together within a month. I've

Fast Bonding And Mimicked Intimacy

SPEAKER_00 12:05

had that happen to me. And you're excited by it. Even the part of you is saying, wait, this is crazy. But there's a part of you that says, We are so close, we know each other so well, but we are so intimate that it makes sense. So you're planning the future on date two. There's lots of, I've never felt like this before. Now listen, there are moments where that is true. You might be married to the most beautiful person on planet earth right now where you know that's true. Where it's true intimacy. So I'm not saying that this doesn't exist. It does. But in the case of the narcissist, it's not love and it's not intimacy, it's not true bonding, it's strategy. Basically, they know how to mimic the healthy forms of love. It's very confusing. That's why we need to talk about it. I remember with one of the people that I was with, because I've had many narcissists in my life who show up not just in lover form. And I remember feeling how curious they were about me. They asked me a lot of questions. This is when I was younger. And that's not usually the case for me. I'm the psychotherapist, I'm the curious one, I'm so interested in people. So to have someone be constantly curious about me, asking me what I was thinking and feeling, felt so valuable. It just felt like this person deeply cared about me. It's a little painful even to remember that they wanted to know about my childhood. And I I grew up as a very wounded empath. I was the giver, the one focusing on others, which of course the wound is the gift. It became my gift because I alchemized that into becoming a therapist. But it it just felt so intimate and I felt so seen. But what I realized later, no, they were studying me because they were not revealing anything about themselves. There was no mutual vulnerability. And so what they were doing was they were storing, they were storing my information while not giving theirs. The time I didn't know, I was just flooded with this feeling, this beautiful, gorgeous feeling of being seen, which is a normal desire. It's a normal human desire. So we're not gonna abnormalize what we're wanting, what we're needing as human beings. We're going to declassify the way that that's done when it's done sadistically and strategically. I'm always gonna be making that distinction. So here's what's shocking about their attraction. Lots of shocks, lots of shocks along the way until you know the script. Even then, you're still shocked that they continue. Most people, a lot of people fall in love slowly. They take their time, they stroll, and they make sure they feel safe for real reasons. It's not that they're vetting, but they are observing like you would observe an investment. Is this a good investment? Because partnerships, relationships, deep friendships are about investing our personal energy into someone. Narcissists act like they're falling in love, but what they're really attracted to is to your vulnerability, your generosity, your sensitivity, your willingness. Remember that vlog where I talked about how willingness is not just the golds of humanity, it's the diamonds of humanity when we are willing. They catch that, they see that, but this person is willing. They're not falling in love with you. You are this beautiful, robust source of supply. You're the pipeline. They see a future with you because they see a future with all those resources, those beautiful human resources that you will supply. Now, even right now, I can't help but think of the all, because there are narcissistic systems, there are cults, and I'll get to this, but I can't help myself, who see other people, including children, other entire groups, entire group of ethnicities as this robust source of physical, spiritual, and emotional supply. Again, I digress, but I just want you to know that I'm always thinking like that. And because their own relationship to authenticity is fractured, remember, they are scanning the environment looking for good sources of supply. Like that. So there's always a mask, and because there's a feeling like their authentic self feels non-existent, it feels empty. So they have to exaggerate to make themselves attractive. They exaggerate their success, their

Exaggeration, Masks, And Moral Posturing

SPEAKER_00 18:20

moral compass, even. This is where you see ministers or religious leaders who get into a lot of trouble because they're so morally vociferous, morally superior. They exaggerate their money, they exaggerate their sanctity when all this stuff is going on behind the scenes. Remember, with the narcissist, it's so busy behind the scenes. So busy. Strategies, ploys, secrets, shame. They'll exaggerate their trauma stories, their accomplishments, they'll exaggerate all the people who desire them. They'll make you know that they are desired, basically. That's one of the moves. I am desired here. What are you gonna do about it? Are you willing to give? That's basically how Europe was formed, how most empires are formed, right? France is willing to ally with me. What do you think? What's your offer? So all of it becomes currency to seduce. It's ancient, it's a mating strategy, it is a power strategy. In the case of men, they exaggerate power. In the case of narcissistic women, they exaggerate vulnerability, or vice versa. Vice versa. Both exaggerate anything to get their supply. Punto. Period. Next paragraph. Now this has been socially normalized for centuries. This is why these cracks, this exposure These documentaries, the Epstein files, this is why it means so much that there's an active discussion, even for those of you who think, oh, this is boring, this is trendy, I'm done talking about the narcissist. No, what the cracks are doing is exposing a way that humanity has been to enslave other humans, including children. This is why this is so important to talk about if we're going to talk about healing and evolving. In the land of the narcissist, empathy does not exist. And this is a part that really we struggle with. And let me tell you, empaths struggle with it the most. I know this in my own skin. Because open-hearted humans, just normal open-hearted humans, do not or cannot believe that other humans in front of them are not empathic. Narcissists do not feel remorse. They feel sad when they get caught. They struggle when they realize they've lost their supply, but there's no remorse, which is one of the things you have to look for. Is there remorse? They don't feel bad if they've hurt you. That's shocking. They're not really thinking about how their behavior affects you after the love bombing stage, after they've gotten what they've wanted. Then you become unimportant. Then they plug into you. And this goes for the all, and this goes for the small. They plug into the target of their supply. They're not the ones losing sleep. You

Empathy Gap And Control As Objective

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are. First, because there's a long period of not believing this is true. You're so shocked because now you are in the land of the narcissist, and those traditions are very different. The normal ways of interacting are very different. You're in different dimensions entirely, separated by this line of empathy, non-emphy. So in the land of the narcissist, everything is in service of the same objective, which is complete control. They must be dominant all the time. It doesn't mean that I don't want to be dominant sometimes, that we take turns being dominant. That's not what we're talking about. We're not talking normal ranges here. They must not only feel dominant, they have to feel superior to everyone that surrounds them. They have to maintain control in order to maintain their supply. And this is the thing, at any cost, and that cost is you. So start to like, start to, you know, with your little blanket around you and your coffee mug, start to think, oh, just travel down memory lane a little bit around maybe the corporations you've worked for, maybe some friendships you've had, where these were the distinguishing markers. Because all of us have bumped into this. And when you confront them with the betrayal, with the infidelity, the emotional cruelty, they enter a very, very predictable psychological

DARVO And The Narcissistic Haze

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dance that actually has a word. Darvo. Okay, so take notes. I want you to take notes through this. What is Darvo? Deny. Deny. Even if that you're showing them receipts of that hotel room where you went away with someone else. Deny. They'll first deny it. Then they attack you. They turn it around like a beautiful karate move. Not even sure if karate does that. But in any case, you know what I mean? You turn it around. Because then they do the reverse victim and offender. So they attack you. They say, This is why I'm so tired of you. You're always nagging me. You're always on top of me. And I'm the one. I'm the one who's hurt by this. I'm the one who suffocated, right? They're the victim. And you're the offender. You're the offender. We see this politically. Uh-oh. Back to the all. It's you. It's you. It's you, populace. It's you women who make us the predators, right? It's Darvo. Deny, attack, reverse, and victim offender. So all of a sudden, you come out of the conversation feeling confused, ashamed, and you're wondering if you're the crazy one. This is what the word is gaslighting. You feel gaslit. But let me tell you something. If you are an empath, if you're a highly sensitive, there's an extra little nuance because empaths will usually, almost all the time, try and see someone else's point of view. We're so empathic that we will be like, oh, maybe it was me. You will take responsibility for your part. And that is good relational behavior. That is good repair. You will try and stay accountable. So if you're accused that you've hurt someone, which is the case of Darvo, you will consider it. Maybe it's me. But with the narcissist, the same rules of a healthy relational dynamic is not true with the narcissist because they will ride you the whole way home and say, yes, it is you. And they don't take accountability for their heart. So you're not the crazy one, but you will be made to feel so confused. I call it the narcissistic haze. At that point, you're walking into the narcissistic haze where you cannot find what's true. But you're not crazy. You're responding with normal, open-hearted human responses. So are children. So are entire groups of people when they've welcomed in other narcissistic systems. But you're not acting abnormally for humanity. What's happened is you've just entered inside the narcissistic empire. So write down Darvo, write down slow. Even if the person feels right, take your time before you jump right in because you might be jumping in through your wounds. I keep teaching empaths

Zombie Out: Erosion Of Self

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that we have to elongate the first part of any relational dynamic. We've got to read the fine print. And empaths don't usually do that because we trust immediately. So elongate the courtship, elongate that first part of meeting a friend. Just so you can get quiet and really listen to your intuition. In your PhD on me book, say, oh, I noticed this, I noticed this, I noticed this, the pink flags. And then give it some time to see if it will play out. Because know that the damage doesn't show up in them first. It shows up in you. This is a part that survivors don't even know, and they don't talk about it because they don't know. And I always say it's not the narcissist who dies, whether it's psychically, psychologically, physically, even, it's the people around them who begin to die off definitely, energetically, and psychically. They begin to zombie out. If folks stay with the narcissist, they have to, as a coping and defense mechanism, they have to zombie out. So partners might get quiet. They might even start looking down, avoiding every single piece of conflict. Submission is the goal. I just watched a documentary last night called Shiny Happy People. And, you know, one of the major tactics is to make women super quiet and children absolutely obedient. And obedient through lots of physical spanking, hitting, using rods, making women completely obedient. So that's part of the dying out. Children become blank-eyed, and you can see it. That magical glitter, that glee that children have starts to flatten. Friends, family, children become anxious, always anxious. What is this person gonna say? What is this person gonna do? What is gonna trip up this person in the restaurant, even if it doesn't happen then? What is it gonna happen when we get home? All of that hyper vigilance, that fear. You don't want to set them off. So people begin to disappear from themselves slowly and subtly. Mothers begin to disappear and don't protect the children, and they might be watching abuse, all sorts of abuse that happens in congregations, it happens in political systems where others saw what was happening, but felt too afraid because they were silenced. And secrets are the name of the game. You see why I call it zombie now? It is a psychic and emotional death spiral. You start to die. You forget who you are. Grace has some really good descriptions in the book of literally forgetting who she was. She said she just sat there. She couldn't figure out what she liked to watch. She couldn't figure it out. So your identity is eroded completely. But that's the point. There's a dimming of the spirit, that glee, that that thing in the eye. I always think of that. And I notice it. I can see it. When I suspect, I actually look at the part or the children. Because that's really who's going to tell me what's going on at home while the narcissist is being extremely charming, while the religious leader is being extremely charming, while the president of the corporation, whoever is doing the love bombing, because in public, they have to charm and seduce. There's a whole mirage. And little by little, which is what happens with trauma, possibility, which I feel is the magic of life, right? When we feel that things are possible, oof, it's magic. Well, with trauma, that begins to just shrink and shrink and shrink. People who have post-traumatic stress or complex post-traumatic stress have a really hard time believing in possibility and in the future. One of the trackers of healing is that you begin to feel that things are possible, not around a narcissist. You zombie out. I didn't really watch the series The Walking Dead, but I have thought about it like that. It's the people who are under narcissistic systems or in a narcissistic home. It is like The Walking Dead. While the narcissist remains vibrant, sure, they're full of supply. Rich, they make money. Dramatic, full of fire because your energy is feeding that. Remember that there are parents who will use their children for money in all sorts of ways. Talk to Amy Winehouse, talk to Britney Spears, all sorts of ways. People will extract. The narcissistic parent will extract from their own children, from their wife, from their parents, etc. And they get sick the moment you leave. That does happen. The parent who never gets sick will get sick. The husband will get sick because they've lost their power source. Even if it looks like they're fatally sick, let's say they get some sort of diagnosis, but that immediately, if you're a kind-hearted, empathic person, will pull you back. And once you come back, even for a moment, they perk up again. I've seen this happen so many times, especially to adult children who finally free themselves.

Extraction And Public Charm

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The parent will get very, very sick. And that makes sense because of what I just described. And if you're kind-hearted, if you're empathic, you want to go back and help. It's your parent after all. There's a lot of healing to do around narcissistic parents. And then they they perk up again. Then they're fine because you're back. Basically, the empire has been restored. Okay, let's talk about what to expect, especially when you're ready. When you're ready to leave, when you're ready to cut the cord, when you're ready to moonwalk out. Let's talk about what to expect. Because when you leave a narcissist, remember you're taking away what supplies them for life. You're not just ending a relationship, which is super painful in the first place. You're taking yourself out, even you out of this entire energetic psychic ecosystem. There's a lot to expect. So let's let's list it out. Let's list it out so that you know what's happened. Expect gossip because what they're gonna try and do is all of the tactics. Now, this happens when you leave a cult, it happens when you leave, want to leave an organization that's not treating you well. This happens across the board, is that the narcissist will gossip a lot about you, will either casually or very directly demean you to others. They need allies, expect lies about you. I know this is hard. It's really hard to talk about, but let's let's know it so you know what's coming. And it's not to prevent you from leaving, it's from saying, okay, I know this is gonna happen. This is how I'm gonna take care of myself. That comes later. Hold on. So smear campaigns, gossip, lying. Expect the I've changed, the coming back, the coming back really strong and hard with lots of love bombing. You're gonna hear everything you've always wanted to hear. This certainly happens in the domestic abuse cycle. And in the moment, it's feeling genuine because they are vulnerable. They've just lost their supply. So it's going to be very hard to not go back with the I've changed, I'm gonna be better,

Preparing To Leave And What To Expect

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I need you, I miss you. Expect triangulation, like, oh, I'm gonna go over here now. Oh, you don't want me, I'm gonna make you jealous. These are direct attempts to make you jealous. I'm gonna go on vacation with someone else. I'm gonna do look at all the pictures I'm posting on social media about how happy I am with someone else. Expect triangulation. Parents do this with the other children. There are favorites and they move them around. Expect a lot of desperation, and that can be disguised as romance. Again, that can be disguised as sicknesses, as illnesses, because there is a desperate ploy to pull you back. There are vows of transformation. You might they might say that they really see you now, they know who you really are. They're so sorry. Expect punishment for leaving, silent treatments, smear campaigns with very classic narcissists. There is a threat of post-divorce or post-separation abuse. So you need to know all of this so you know how to protect yourself and self-care and care for yourself. Expect heartbreakingly that there will be people that will side with them that you love. You might be surprised that some folks you fully trusted and fully loved, maybe members of your family, maybe friends, will side with them. Will actually believe the smear campaign. It's painful. This process is painful. And it's not because these friends are bad people, it's because narcissists are really masterful, they're the expert at fracturing truth. They really are, and they're the expert at convincing others that you were against them as well. So here your your position is not to win at all costs like they are. You will get into a lot of trouble if you're wanting to win at all costs. Your position is to hold. Hold inside of your ecosystem that you begin to build. None of this is easy. It's sounding easy, it is not. That's why you need to swaddle and surround yourself in a ton of support. You're gonna hold your boundaries, you're gonna have your PhD on me journal about the reasons you left with very specific detail. In the book, we talk about this a lot. Remember the times that you felt humiliated, abandoned over and over and over again. On this one, you have to remember because the love bombing back will be so intense. Hold your dignity, hold your healing, and remember, maybe other family members when this is about a parent, or even about you getting divorced. There's family members that say, even though this is horrible, this happens in cults all the time. You've got to stay with this perpetrator, this abuser. Now, today we have enough information and enough places to go. You can't negotiate with someone who doesn't have empathy. And there's no reasoning. Remember, they've created a disorder that protects them. This is this is an ecosystem that protects them, whether it's your family, a cult, a religious tradition, a government, a political party, it will protect them. So the way to win is maybe for your children. And in those cases, you want to get a lawyer. You want to get protectors for yourself that know how to manage this type of situation. Do not do this by yourself ever. Find podcasts like this, Dr. Romani, Lisa Romano, there's a million people who are talking about this and how to get help. So let's talk about the healing arc. The healing arc is all this journey to come back to yourself and to come back to yourself at a higher level. Because now you'll know more. You'll be more informed. And I'm so sorry that it has to be through pain. And as I always say, and I have a bumper sticker in my store that says history will not repeat itself. And I mean that for the collective, for our planet, that we will not repeat what's been done to us before because we know too much now. And you know too much now. We know too much. And there's a ton of resources for history to not repeat itself. These folks do not choose us, do not choose you because you're vulnerable and weak.

Smear Campaigns, Triangulation, Punishment

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They choose you because you're strong. They choose you because they want what you have. Now, whether that is from a government to an entire group of people, they want your labor. They want that you're the underdog because you'll work harder, you'll give more. Same thing. And in the book at the empath leader, I talk about this, about the empath and the narcissist, right? That we come with a whole treasure of gifts, of hardworkingness, of going all in, of staying loyal, et cetera, et cetera. The book is there. You'll see, you'll see what I mean. They want you because of what you bring, and they want what you have. Your commitment, your devotion, your loyalty, your willingness to see their point of view, your sensitivity, your empathy. They want what you have. And so it's you now who has to notice that you come with that package. You can love. Who doesn't want love? You have empathy, you have intuition, you have softness, you have kindness, you have generosity, you have magic. You who doesn't want that on their team, who doesn't want that in their family? Who? Of course, they want what you bring. You are the premium supply. You. And when you realize this, really, really realize this, like in full deposit, your self-esteem begins to heal and your self-worth goes up. Which means no one gets you for free anymore. No one gets you for less anymore. No more bread crumbing, no more leftovers. Your frequency rises, you're not responding out of fear anymore because of domination. And little by little, little by little, the light at the end of the tunnel is that you become more and more impossible to access. Because you know the script. Now, this might mean that you hit your head a few times. Hopefully not. Because when we go back, there's even more, more control. Because now they know that you're willing to go back and they'll dominate more and that you're willing to leave. So hopefully not. Hopefully, you'll listen to this podcast and get support. Immediately, your self-esteem and your sense of self-worth becomes this bubble around you that will protect you. And in the book, The Empath Leader, I call it your C-suite. I playfully call it that, but it's real. Your caring, your compassion, your competence, your confidence, your celebration, choice. This becomes your empire. This becomes your ecosystem. And people are welcome as long as they know your own personal preferences, guidelines, and boundaries. And this, my loves, becomes the turning point. So now, finally, I can go to the all is in the small, and the small is in the all. Here we go. Every tactic, every behavior, every humiliation exists globally. This is historic, is pervasive in humanity, and it is what runs the planet. Narcissistic dynamics show up in families that are that have a lot of secrets, that are silencing the truth, in school systems that are mostly about obedience, obedience, obedience, over teaching children to know themselves, to emotionally regulate, to be more emotionally intelligent. In churches that shame autonomy, critical thinking, desire that silences its congregations, its governments that are meant to be built on fear. In political systems, we see this all the time, all over the planet, that run through divide and conquer. In cultures that keep repeating that children are not are never enough, lots of hoop jumping. And really, these are set up with control and fear, whether that's from the romantic relationship all the way out. I'm going to make you afraid.

Hold Boundaries And Gather Support

SPEAKER_00 47:24

Dominance, extracting, taking from people, taking their goodies in order to use them for themselves. Based on superior, inferior paradigms, addictions, exploitation, isolation, and fear. They all begin to isolate. That's governments begin to isolate, families begin to isolate the family, cults begin to isolate the groups. Isolation is a key ingredient. Lots of us versus them. They set it up that way. Us versus them. So you experience it on a microcosmic level, but it's happening at the largest level. That's why we've got to know it. What did I say? Your healing, your healing is activism. That's the point of the last podcast. Because once you begin to heal, those boundaries just start forming around you. You become emotionally intelligent, you become emotionally aware. You start having more choice. So do groups of people. Your healing is a refusal to perpetuate that pattern because our trauma, our fear, our low self-worth collude with narcissistic tactics. And we can't stay silent about it. Not even in our beautiful families or not so beautiful families, we've got to speak out. Because the more there's people, this is what's happened, this is what's happening when documentaries are coming out, is that people are saying to each other, wait a minute, did this happen to you? And so the more the people are who are saying this, the stronger the rebuttal is, the less likely there is for repetition. Because you're dealing with an aware individual and an aware collective. When you walk away because of your healing from a narcissist, you are walking away from a very powerful and ancient human algorithm. That's why the book, the subtitle is Transforming Humanity's Algorithm. That's my gem. That's this podcast. That's everything from my psychotherapy, my small, my psychotherapy, everyday practice, all the way to my channel. You are part of the building blocks of a new algorithm for a new humanity. So, my soul tribe, so my loves, you've made it this far. Let's take a breath. We are here. We're here together. You are here because this is ringing a bell on some level. Even if you've never experienced

The Healing Arc And Self-Worth

SPEAKER_00 50:40

narcissism, you have seen it. And if you're looking for a purpose, healing is your mission, healing is your purpose. As we begin, how about this? As we close out 2025 and we begin 2026. And I've been beating this drum since 2020. I started this podcast in 2023, and this is the drum that I beat. So pick up the books, The Empath Leader, Transforming Humanity's Algorithm. Pick up the November book, Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. Find your light again. Keep an eye out for the dynamic meditation method. I'm going to be teaching it again in 2026. The Empath Leader training is coming up. All of this is here. And lastly, the online store that's a little more fun and playful, to be honest. But it has bumper stickers, sweatshirts that keep reminding you. Remember, I said instead of putting stickies all over the place, you're going to have visual reminders with your mug. Always, right? It's a it's a form of cognitive behavioral therapy because you're going to get reminded it's a form of affirmations, it's a form of making the deposited into this new way of being. The store is called train the whole human mind, body, spirit, heart. Let's do this through what we see, what we taste, what we feel, what we wear. These are embodied material reminders of who you are becoming, of who we are becoming. I'll be announcing what's coming in 2026 in my next podcast through the end of December, so keep an eye out for that. But thank you, thank you, thank you. The numbers are growing. And as I always say, my numbers are your numbers. We are slowly shifting this algorithm. Let's do it together. Listen, it is free to share, it is free to like, it is free to comment, it is free to subscribe. Free. Just bing, hit that notification button and share. Share it with someone who you know might be needing this. Even if you can't say out loud, listen, I think you might be needing this. Just say, hey, I'm following this person. Really interesting stuff, and send it over. Because little by little, one by one, we are increasing these numbers towards a new algorithm. Gracias, Mercy. Thank you. Thank you for all of us. Remember, when you heal yourself, you heal the planet. I've got t-shirts, sweatshirts that say that. And when you walk away, when you moon walk out, and that's a cloudism, the oldest empire on planet Earth begins to fall. The towers are falling. So much love to you. If you're doing this work, you're not alone. I'm proud of you. We're proud of you, our global community here. And remember, you've done harder, I love. I'll see you in the next episode.