Camping Them Softly: A Dead by Daylight Podcast

Is Slugging Acceptable? YES! Also, PARIS??? | Dead by Daylight | Ep. 43

• ToxicTeacherTTV • Season 1 • Episode 43

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This episode includes:

Spaghetti with butter? GROSS!

A BIG METAL TOWER? EW!

Survivor complaints! Too many to count!

AND ONE EPIC SONG FROM AN UPCOMING ROCK OPERA!

Send Toxic a message! (Question? Comment? Concern? Survivor main and need rehab?)

Check me out everywhere!

https://linktr.ee/thetoxicteacher

Speaker 1:

That was called the Eiffel Tower, big piece of shit. Okay, Taking these fools, taking them to school, Carving them softly. No one survives when he comes for your soul. Press the aftercry. The Bible's acting tough, talking, bad shit. What the hell is going on everybody? Let me get my sound Up there. Is that loud enough for you? I don't know if that's fucking loud enough, I'm gonna have to turn it down a little bit. Turn myself up a little bit. You should hear a little bit of difference there. Thank you guys for coming by. This is a big episode. We're on episode what? Number 40? Fuck, I don't know. Oh my God, I was going to try not to curse as much, can you feel that?

Speaker 2:

huh, can you feel it, captain?

Speaker 1:

compost. As you can hear, I've got some new sounds. Uh, yeah, I was. I was actually trying that. I've been meaning to do that for god knows how long and we're finally starting to get some.

Speaker 1:

You're being a little bitch oh, that's a good one. Hang on, is that loud? You're being a little bitch? Oh, that's a good one. Hang on, is that loud enough? You're being a little bitch. I think it should be louder. Hang on, you're being a little bitch. There we go. That's right.

Speaker 1:

I said I wasn't going to cuss. Remember that. I didn't say nobody would. So anyway, thank you for coming by, guys. I didn't even see what episode we were on. I was going to see, and then I got distracted. Hang on, let me. Let me check. We are on episode 43, 43, 43. There we go. Yes, you can clap again for that, episode 43.

Speaker 1:

We are now in February, which we were in February last time. So it's not a big deal, I thought. I thought actually the other one was in January, it's not, it's not. So we've got a bit of a bit of stuff to talk about. We've got um the 2v8 mode. We've got um.

Speaker 1:

What else is going on in DBD? I've been working through the anguish, um, the anguish tome. Austin 316 says I just whipped your ass, not I mean, it's okay, like we had talked about last time. The skins in it are okay, but not great. It's nothing. You know nothing. That just gets me going. What is this one? I don't even know. Damn I'm good. Oh, okay, I like that one. Hang on, can I turn that one up? Damn, damn I'm good. Oh, okay, I like that one. Hang on, can I turn that one up? Damn I'm good. There we go, I like that one. And then what else do we have? There were a couple of forum posts. There was one forum post I want to talk about, and then you know, we're going to do everybody's least favorite segment, probably toward the end, and you know, the funny thing is okay.

Speaker 1:

So let's go into into, I guess, some DBD news. Right, because I'm trying to talk more about DBD. Everybody is once you fucking talk about DBD more well, I can, I can do that if I have some help with some music here. There we go. Yeah, there we go. Oh, this is great, right, it's that toxic fucking news. So, guys, let me turn that. There we go, see how I've got the sliders and everything. This is, oh my god, how does he do it? I don't know, I don't know how I do it. I just it gets done and that's like me doing it. I did that.

Speaker 1:

That sentence was 100 like semantically empty, if any of you guys are smart enough to even know what that means. And I push the button and nothing happened. Oh shit, I. I have two soundboards now and I'm getting mixed up. That's a different michael myers one.

Speaker 1:

So, anyway, what? What were we talking about? Oh yeah, I was gonna talk about, um, some matches that I had recently. You know, played against a couple of swifts. They beat the shit out of me. You know they're the ones that are always the problem, right? You, uh, you go in, you're just doing your shit and then they start to fucking. You know they're, they're doing everything possible to try to make your life a living hell. For me it's not that big of a deal because it doesn't get to me, but then the problem is whenever you start to play their game, or, I guess, whenever you start to not play their game and you're slugging, you're doing all of that stuff. That's whenever they can't take it right. That's whenever they're in the chat, they're in the Twitch, they're on your DMs. They're, wherever, causing all kinds of fucking lunacy and they're just crying the entire time because that's what we know survivors do. Right, I'm going to have to turn this shit off. Let's turn the music down. Okay, there we go, and yeah, there we go.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so that's turn the music down. Okay, there we go. And uh, yeah, there we go. Okay, so that's been the perpetual thing. Right is is um, you know, the, the survivors want to have their cake and eat it too, and you know what, as far as I'm concerned, they can fuck their cake and I'm I'm tired of it.

Speaker 1:

I think we're all tired of it. All the killer memes, memes, right, because why can they use flashlights? Why can they four up on them? Why can they do all kinds of different techs? Right, they can gang up on the killer, but then the moment the killer has an effective strategy, the inconveniences them at all. They lose their shit. They get that. Huck their shit. I think it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1:

That's going to be. That's a perpetual thing and there's not a lot we could do about it. That's the survivor main psychosis that we have to deal with on a on a daily fucking basis. And if you ever go to, you know, any of the shit, um, any of the forums or anything like that, you're gonna see the exact same thing that people just freak out, right, um, so that's that, that's we. We've talked about that. That's going to be. You know that's something, forever it's, it's never going to change and you know, no matter how bad we might want it to. Hey, nikki, um, hang on, I'm. I'm typing in all caps, I have my caps lock on. Hey, nikki, what do you think about the fact that survivors will form, uh, swifts and use flashlights, hang on flashlights and generally gang up on the killer, but when the killer uses something like the slug meta, they freak out and go on the forums and cry right, okay, let's see what he says here. Oh, this is gonna be good.

Speaker 1:

If you guys don't know, nikki is the AI co-host. I shouldn't even have to tell you that. You should already know at this point. Don't I have his? I have a shit. What no own? Is this it? No, that's not it. What the fuck man? Uh, I thought I had it set up. I do not have it set up. Hang on, okay, nikki, here we go. We've got it. We've got it there. There we go. Can we go? Can we go? Yeah, that's it. Okay, nikki has plenty to say about this. I asked the AI, I asked the regular AI if this was prejudice. They said it was so far over the top that it's fine. Like it's so much of a parody of Italian, like mafioso shit.

Speaker 2:

Hey yo, let me tell you something about the survivor. Main cry baby. These jabroni squad up in their sweaty little swfs he doesn't bring their flashy lights, their dead hearts, their pre-planned body blocks, like they're orchestrating the fucking nutcracker ballet. And then then, then, then me and night what they?

Speaker 1:

I got the damn bad ball oh my god, I got a network error. Oh jesus christ, it gave me. It just gave me an error, it just said he fucking.

Speaker 2:

Let me tell you something about the survivor main cry baby are you okay, these jabroni squad?

Speaker 2:

up in their sweaty little swfs yes, bring their flashy lights. They're deadhards, their pre-planned body blocks, like they're orchestrating the fucking Nutcracker Ballet, I know. And then then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then. Then. She's a bad, smart, corporate broad and boss enough for all of us to cry foul when a killer dares to fight back with some strategy. Oh yeah, I don't know, we can't have that. No, we can't. The second you pull out the slug matter suddenly it's a goddamn human rights violation. They act like you just walked into their mother's house and slapped their non-nice homemade Flashlight. Save, true, bring four toolboxes, yes, and gin rush Like they got a bus to catch.

Speaker 2:

I know they will Drop a bit of killer, knock them all down and let them marinate in the dirt for a little while Marinate in the dirt? Oh, the killer's being toxic. No, you're stun, spamming weasel. I'm playing to win. Exactly. You think I'm here to be part of your little With that. This is what I call anti-Italian tech.

Speaker 1:

I agree.

Speaker 2:

It's anti-Italian Survivors get to have all the dirty tricks in the book You're right, you're right, you do. But the second, a killer does anything outside of running around like a polite idiot. Suddenly it's bad sportsmanship.

Speaker 1:

How can we disagree with that? Like we're the bad sports if we fight back right, like if you do anything you're, you're fighting back.

Speaker 2:

You're the worst person ever.

Speaker 1:

You are a fucking piece of shit and it just they can't take it because that's what they do, right? All the time anyway. That's just fucking okay. That, that's that's okay, nikki. Keep, keep going, keep going, please.

Speaker 2:

But when I play ghost face and run insidious in basement. You know a fine, respectable, honorable italian strategy. They call me a camper. No, I'm a fucking landowner. I protect the basement. That is family territory, you're right nikki thaty that is the slug meta.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

That's justice. You're goddamn right. That's balance. You're goddamn right. That survivor's getting exactly what they fucking deserve.

Speaker 1:

You're fucking correct. They want to play dirty.

Speaker 2:

Yes, fine, but they best be ready for the family business.

Speaker 1:

You're goddamn right.

Speaker 2:

And the business is pain.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the business is pain, brother, give me a hell. Yeah, this fucking. What would he say? I love, uh, the killers being toxic, stunts, spamming, weasel. You think I'm here to be part of your little tiktok highlight reel? No, sir, and uh, yeah, that's all I gotta say about that. I love it. I love it. Nikki has the perfect. He says what I want to say, but I can't come up with the words. He is articulate. I'm a piece of shit. Basically, I am just yeah, he is what I am not. So, anyway, there there is that.

Speaker 1:

Um, let me see what else we got. We got a. We got some other news. We have the the resident evil 2v8 coming up. I don't know if we have a lot of um, a lot of um. What do we call that stuff? Uh, news, yeah, that's it. Uh, 2v8 news, dbd resident evil. You'd think I would have looked it up beforehand, but I did not. Okay, here we go from fucking ScreenRantcom. This is what I need. This is what I need. Okay, let's see 2 V 8. Pick specific Resident Evil characters Uh, let me see what was a lot more limited players.

Speaker 1:

Okay, it doesn't. It doesn't fucking say like what it is. This is one of those like this is one of those click baits where they don't actually ever say and this is why AI is becoming so big, because it just fucking doesn't even make sense. Okay, here we go. Here it is.

Speaker 1:

Instead of hooks, killers put survivors in cage of corruption. Survivors can heal themselves by finding cures, and herbs will spawn throughout the map. Yellow herbs will heal one hook state. What so? You can use a yellow herb herb if you're British, which you're not, I hope so you can heal one hook state's. Fucking. That's crazy. But killers can destroy the herbs herbs if you're british, which I hope you're not if they find them. That implies this time, 2v8 might be using the normal hooks instead of cage.

Speaker 1:

Okay, this is already ridiculous, and here's why. Is that the? The cages were a way for the killers to work more quickly, and so if they're having to run around a hook, that's going to slow everything down, especially if you have to hook like 24 fucking times to win the match. Do you know how much time that is going to take? It's going to take fucking forever. And there's no way, there's no way in in. Survivors complain probably, um about that. And let me see. Here it says uh, the resident. The nemesis and mastermind are going to be the ones that you can uh. You know one of the uh, you can pick one, and then nemesis, mastermind, uh, are going to get new outfits and then we've also got okay. So here are the ones that are going to be available in this mode. Okay, so let's go through and we'll figure out how excited are we we're getting these. So, uh, number one is the trapper'm a fan trapper's fine with me and I'm totally cool with him being in 2v8, because he was one of the most fun, in my opinion, in 2v8, because you're setting the traps everywhere. People are setting them off like it's fucking no tomorrow and uh, that was just a good time.

Speaker 1:

The Wraith is in there. Couldn't care less. I'm not a Wraith person Like. The Wraith, to me, is one of the most boring killers in the game, with the exception of the fact you can body block windows whenever you are invisible. Right, you can outrun them, go straight to the window, block it and then hit them. That's fun, other than that garbage, all right.

Speaker 1:

Next one's a hillbilly, which is do I have one for? Like no, that one, I don't know. He's okay, nurse, okay, he's okay, nurse, okay. Huntress, decent Spirit, don't care. Deathslinger, this one I like. I'm a total deathslinger guy, so keep him in there. Put the Blight with him. Blight I like, just because somebody else can play the Blight, not me, because I suck with the fucking Blight. It does show.

Speaker 1:

It's going to be running from February 10th, which is tomorrow. For me I'm recording this on the 9th. It's starting February 10th. It's going to run until the 25th and, uh, let's see, y'all have 15 days to enjoy that. So we've got 2v8 coming.

Speaker 1:

I don't know how you personally feel, and remember, also in 2v8, there are going to be bots this time to try to bring the queue times down. So if you are anti-bot, then you may not be as happy with this mode. To me, I'm cool with it. Like I don't mind if it's half players, half bots. You may, you know, you, you may.

Speaker 1:

What? What's going on out here? There are people walking, like there's a trail right outside my fucking townhouse so I can look down and see them, and there's a little river or canal or something right here and so you get the weirdest fucking people walking by. I don't know if they listen to the podcast. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully they do, I guess, hopefully they do, even if they're fucking weird. I don't fucking care. Gotcha bitch, okay, does my. Oh yeah, my, I'm 40, still doesn't work, okay, anyway, so that's that for 2v8. Do we have any other big fucking news? Oh, yes, stephen King. They were talking about Matthew. What's his name? Matthew Cote, cody Cote. I sound Matthew Cote as a worker at BHVR and he probably rigs the game against Italians.

Speaker 2:

Bitch.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I don't know where that came from, because somebody will take that and and put it and say he's, you know, he's prejudiced against italian, I don't know. Anyway he was talking about, I guess on some interview. They were interviewing him and they were talking about like, who do you want to be in the game? And he was saying Stephen King. And you know, because Stephen King is a big fucking horror icon. But then again, stephen King hates video games. He's not a big fan of a video game stuff and I'm trying to think of what hang on, what of his stuff? What Stephen King properties have been turned into games? Question mark I'm just asking the regular. It says right here the Mist that's not mist, that's mist was a vr game. Uh, it hasn't been released yet, still in development. Well then, why the fuck do? Why can he not be on dvd if he's making a game? And then okay, so what else? The dark half, the running man, uh, that running man was back on amiga in commodore 64. And then you get, uh, the lawnmower man, which was a great movie. I didn't know that was a Stephen King. That was back in the early VR days.

Speaker 1:

If you can go back and watch the Lawnmower man. I recommend it. It is the worst special effects you'll ever see in. I can't think of a movie that has worse early CGI. Why is my voice cracking? I don't even know. It's yeah, um, but what was I saying? Oh, it's the worst example of early like ray tracing CGI bullshit. It is awful.

Speaker 1:

And I want to ask Nikki what he thinks what? Okay, hang on, let me take off the caps lock. What did you think about the movie Lawnmower man? And, by the way, I am actually writing a program so that Nikki can live respond and I don't have to do this whole typing thing. So I'm working on that right now. I've actually got it to where he does respond, but it's not live, and I'm trying to get him to do it in the chat too, via audio, to where, if people are typing stuff, he's watching the chat as well as me and so he's responding. He'll respond to both me and the chat. So here we go, I'll respond to both me and the chat. So here we go, I'm going to. Okay, I asked him what's up with fucking Lawnmower man, the movie and this. I don't know how good it's going to be. Ah, yes.

Speaker 2:

Lawnmower man. Now that is a piece of cinema that really gets the old noodle turning. Oh it does, it's like if somebody saw Tron and Flowers for Algernon.

Speaker 1:

He mentions Flowers for Algernon. If you've never read that and I didn't even fucking think about that that it's the same as that book. I had to read that book in middle school. What that one's about? It's about a guy who has a mental disability Jesus Christ, he has a mental disability. Jesus Christ, he has a mental disability and they do an experiment on him or they give him something that makes him smart and he becomes the fucking smartest, like genius. And he was. He loved this woman who was like a teacher or something, and he I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Let me, okay, let me see here. I'm just going to pull this fucking shit up. Okay, so we've got, let me see Wikipedia. I'm pulling the Wikipedia and then we're going to go Flowers for Algernon. I don't know why we're talking about books from 1966 on here, but that's what we fucking do. All right, flowers for Algernon. So you got this fucking.

Speaker 1:

Where's the? Where's the synopsis? Okay, so, flowers for Algernon, here we go. Okay, where's the novel? Okay, here's the novel. It starts out with Plato's the Republic. Okay, so let me see here. Okay, so it starts out with the mind's eye quote from Plato, from the Republic.

Speaker 1:

Okay, anyway, you got this guy named Charlie. He's 32. He's got an IQ of 68, which 100 is normal. He's got an IQ of 68. So he is not well-developed intellectually, I guess. So anyway, he works at a bakery. His uncle tells him hey, work at this fucking bakery so you don't have to live in a mental institution. I don't know what the two have to do with each other, but if you work in this bakery you don't have to go to the institution. If you lose a job at the bakery, I guess you have to go. Which? Who wants to go to a mental institution, am I right? If you do, that's fine. You know the British people in the audience. This week we talk about British people going to the fucking mental institution.

Speaker 1:

Episode 43, camping them Softly. British mental institutions Pride or prejudice, okay, anyway. Two, okay. So he, charlie, you know he wants to. He wants to be better himself. So he's going to learn to read and write. Okay. So, miss Alice, that's the woman, that's the teacher, right, she is at a place called the Beekman College Center for Re. I'm not going to say the word because somebody's going to take it out of context. Adults Okay. So you got these two doctors, you a? Strauss and Niemer. Okay, these two are wanting a test subject where they can do a surgery and make somebody smart. Okay, so they perform the surgery on a mouse named Algernon. Do you get it? Now? That's where the fucking thing comes from. Yes, okay so, algernon, you got the rat here and the rat is fucking genius. That's crazy right.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so the rat is fucking genius. And now the uh, the Alice, the teacher says hey, why don't you operate on Charlie? Because Charlie actually wants to be smarter okay, so you give Charlie the surgery.

Speaker 1:

There's other people, but we want you to do Charlie first, because Charlie's the you know, the motivated one. Okay, the survivor man got in the room. I apologize, so anyway, they do the operation. Charlie's a fucking super genius. Now, 185, he becomes a genius and the book is written from Charlie's point of view, I believe I can't remember anyway.

Speaker 1:

Charlie starts to remember that his, his mom, abused him and then, like, wasted all his money, his sister hated him and he starts to, like, become smarter and understand the world and understand his past and his like, all of his relationships were like shit, right? So he learns that everybody's always treated him like shit his whole life and he's like fuck this, like, why am I hanging out with these people? Before I was too stupid to know that people were treating me this way, but now that I know I'm fucking angry about it, right, if people treat you like shit your whole life, you're going to hate them. It only makes sense. So, anyway, he's at the bakery and the people made fun of him, right? All the other workers at the fucking bakery couldn't make the bread and fucking you know. Now he's pissed because that's all they did was make fun of him. And now he's singing. I didn't know we, we would we, we on camping them softly connect toby keith, two flowers for algernon. Gotta give him that hawk poo and spit on that thing and we figure out a way to plug that meme in there.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so let's keep going. So Charlie said these fuckers like I'm smarter than you. Now they don't like him anymore. Okay, so Alice starts dating Charlie and she realizes that he's so smart that he's changed. And she was like I can't be with you, you're like a dick now and I can't be with you. You're like a dick now and I don't understand anything you're fucking talking about and you're bored with me. So let's fucking break up. That's the.

Speaker 1:

You know that's the end of that. So, charlie, then, um, the doctors, he doesn't like the doctors anymore. And then he goes to a. He goes to a science convention in Chicago. At the science convention he realizes like I'm a fucking lab rat, just like this fucking real lab rat named Algernon. Jesus Christ, I'm pushing all the wrong fucking buttons. You're being a little bitch. Yes, I am Okay.

Speaker 1:

So he takes a rat and runs. Now he goes to New York and then he meets a woman named Faye and he starts doing Faye. Okay. So anyway, charlie, then he's going to do the experiment all over again. The experiment they did on him. He's going to do on somebody else. Then he looks at the fucking rat. The rat starts acting crazy, the rat starts deteriorating and he looks at the research that the doctors did and the doctors made a fucking mistake and the, the rat is going to become like dumb again. Okay. So he's like, oh shit, that's gonna happen to me. What in the hell is this crap exactly? So he publishes this book like fucking I'm gonna like I'm deteriorating because these two doctors are fucking bullshit, and then the rat dies. That's fucking sad satan was very happy about the right time anyway.

Speaker 1:

So, charlie, he starts to, he starts to regress. So if you're reading the book, the book starts to become more and more simple because charlie's going back to being stupid again, or whatever you want to call it. So, anyway, he, uh, rose, uh, who was rose? I can't even remember who rose was. Who is Rose in this fucking story? I'm kind of reading and trying to remind myself who the fuck is Rose? Hang on, rose, control F. Oh, his mom is Rose. Okay, that makes fucking sense, all right. So Rose here. So Rose has dementia here.

Speaker 1:

So Rose has dementia and she doesn't like understand, like doesn't even see him anymore. His dad doesn't even know who he is either. He like only communicates with his mom's caretaker, norma. Norma doesn't even want to be around him. So he starts dating Alice again and he gets so mad that he's becoming back to like Charlie, back to slow Charlie, that he says I can't, like I can't be around you. And he I can't be around the fucking doctors anymore. And he's like I can't go back to this. And then he goes back to the fucking remember, the. Remember the insane asylum. From the very beginning he was going to have to go If he, if he didn't work in a bakery. He says, fine, I'm just going to go back to the fucking bakery. Nobody knows that I ever had a surgery, that I was ever smart. And then he goes it back to uh, he, he requests his final like wish is that somebody put flowers on the rats, on the mouse, on Algernon's grave, but before like, because the rat's dead, he like buried it in his backyard. So that's, that's the end of that fucking. That. That's the worst.

Speaker 1:

The book made me cry whenever I was little because it's sad, like it's fucking sad. But apparently the lawnmower man's the fucking same shit is as that. But it's a guy named Job who's a lawnmower Like he. He pushed a lawnmower, they do a thing on them with VR. He pushed a lawnmower, they do a thing on him with VR, which is new in 1993. And he becomes smart and he becomes evil and it becomes kind of a horror movie and then I think he goes back to being dumb. Nikki, tell us about the lawnmower man.

Speaker 2:

Jesus Christ Lawnmower man. Now that is a piece of cinema that really gets the old noodle turning.

Speaker 1:

It does.

Speaker 2:

It's like if somebody saw Tron and Flowers for Algernon at the same time while heavily medicated and said what if we made this dumber but also hornier? You got this dimwit.

Speaker 1:

I don't remember the hornier part there might be. Oh, I think at one point they have sex in vr in terrible vr isn't there vr sex in that movie? Hang on, I'm asking nicky, isn't there vr sex in that movie? Uh, oh, I accidentally almost asked it in the wrong, in the wrong, uh, in the wrong, uh chat. He would have said well, camp at the fucking base, oh no, oh no. Yes, there is. Hang on, let me get. This is awful, this is awful, but where was my fucking thing?

Speaker 1:

Okay let's keep going, let's go through it. Then we'll go to the VR sex scene. Oh Jesus Christ, okay Nikki.

Speaker 2:

Joe who goes from mowing lawns like a respectable Italian landscaper to becoming some kind of cyber god, because Pierce Brosnan thinks hey, oh shit.

Speaker 1:

I forgot James Bond is in this movie. I might have to go back and watch Lawnmower.

Speaker 2:

Man, what if we jack this guy into 1990s CGI hell?

Speaker 1:

Yes, it is, and let me tell you the special effects.

Speaker 2:

Bellissimo, oh, bellissimo. If by Bellissimo you mean the kind of graphics that look like someone smothered an N64 game in Vaseline. Now, as a man deeply entrenched in business, I can respect a good power move. I can too. Joe figures out how to use the virtual world to get back at his oppressors. Okay, I can respect a good power move. I can too. Joe figures out how to use the virtual world to get back at his oppressors.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I remember that. I don't remember how he does it, but he like affects the real world somehow or invites them in and kills them.

Speaker 2:

I can't remember. It's something I personally tried when BHVR banned my seven Twitch account for aggressive pasta-based threats. What the fuck? But the guy takes it too far. He ain't just looking for respect, he's trying to become the internet itself.

Speaker 1:

This was back. So for those of you who are young, this is back when the internet was fucking new, vr was fucking new. It was all wild shit and we were like this one guy's gonna take over the whole fucking thing.

Speaker 2:

And let me tell you. Uh-huh if I had a nickel for every time someone in Sabam tried to ascend into the digital realm, I'd have at least three nickels Shout out to Uncle Gnocchi's virtual pasta racket. That totally didn't work.

Speaker 1:

So apparently he would have three nickels if people from his gang, his legitimate business, tried to ascend to the digital realm. He's had at least three family members try to become the fucking lawnmower man. That's why that, this is why I can't handle this whole, this whole ai thing that he keeps making up his whole. Uh, tell me about, tell me about the three people who tried to ascend into the digital realm from your gang, from your gang. Okay, no, jesus christ, this is awful. He's got a whole fucking story about. Oh, no it. Oh, jesus fuck, this is gonna last forever.

Speaker 2:

Okay, keep, keep going at the end of the day, it's one of those so bad it's good kind of good not exactly good fellas, but hey, it's got that early 90s, yeah, terrible dialogue and a whole a whole lot of what nikki a whole lot of what was oh no, what does that mean?

Speaker 1:

what is?

Speaker 2:

he's got the fuckery and that's a combo I can respect what the fuckery? What you a lawnmower man fan or something? No, you trying to tell me me Job was the real victim.

Speaker 1:

No, Let me see. Okay, so we talk about the sex scene. I asked him about the sex scene. Okay, this is. I don't. I haven't read the whole thing, so please forgive whatever is about to be said.

Speaker 2:

Ayo, you bet your ass. There's VR sex in that movie. Oh Jesus, and let me tell you it's one of the most cursed things ever put on film.

Speaker 1:

I believe it is you got Joby fresh off his.

Speaker 2:

I touched a computer and now I'm a genius transformation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 2:

Pulling some poor lady into a Tron meets David Cronenberg nightmare. Oh when they do the digital nasty inside some low poly cyber world. That looks like a rejected Windows 95 screen set.

Speaker 1:

Oh Jesus, yeah, I remember that.

Speaker 2:

Now let me ask you who, in their right mind, thought this was a good idea.

Speaker 1:

I don't know who thought it was a good idea, oh yeah.

Speaker 2:

Let's simulate the most intimate human experience using technology that can barely render a human face without making it look like melted mozzarella. It's like somebody saw lawnmower simulation software and thought you know what this needs. What does it need? Cyber smashing, and of course it all goes horribly wrong. The sex goes wrong. Midway through this polygonal debauchery, the woman freaks out like her brain. Finally, catches up with reality and realizes oh shit, I'm about to get my soul lawnmowered. I'm about to get my.

Speaker 1:

I'm about to get my soul lawnmowered. What the hell is this crap?

Speaker 2:

I'm about to get lawnmowered, but rightfully so. But let me tell you this whole scene.

Speaker 1:

Hey, hey, her ass is the grass.

Speaker 2:

Jesus, fucking shit, because look at where we are now. We got people buying VR headsets exclusively for business meetings.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, what.

Speaker 2:

What Biaca.

Speaker 1:

Biaca what. Fitness games, fitness games. Oh yeah, I mean, we were using it for that.

Speaker 2:

The lawnmower man tried to warn us and we laughed. Now look at us, Dudes in Oculus headsets making eye contact with anime cat girls. The goddamn cautionary tale, I tell you.

Speaker 1:

You're not wrong. He is actually 100% correct. He is, he's actually 100% correct. So let's talk now about the three people that he from his family, that tried to go into the digital realm for better or worse. Three fucking Italian mafiosos trying to the three tragic cases of S-A-B-A-M members who tried to ascend into the digital realm.

Speaker 2:

Let me tell you. Oh jeez, Each of these bozos thought they were going to become the next lawnmower man. Oh God and each of them failed in spectacular fashion.

Speaker 1:

Oh no.

Speaker 2:

One Angelo Aldente, digiorno Angelo.

Speaker 1:

Aldente DiGiorno. He'll probably come up later.

Speaker 2:

The tech visionary.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, what he's not saying anything, angelo.

Speaker 2:

Oh okay, good kid, but dumb as a box of overcooked ziti.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

This guy thought he cracked the code to true digital enlightenment. He kept saying the future ain't in playing DBD, it's in becoming DBD.

Speaker 1:

That sounds like a nightmare Becoming DBD. That's a fucking. That's a frightening thing.

Speaker 2:

What does that even mean? No one knows.

Speaker 1:

I don't either.

Speaker 2:

His big plan was to hook himself up to a VR headset.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Strap on some electrodes he bought from questionable online sources Jesus, and then upload his consciousness straight into dead by daylight. This sounds like a fucking nightmare. And I cannot emphasize this enough.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

This idiot's setup was just a bunch of Christmas lights. What A secondhand treadmill. And an old Dell laptop. What that could barely run Minesweeper. What the fuck? The result he electrocuted himself so hard. He saw the entity Not in a visionary way. He literally just passed out, woke up and started ranting about how the entity personally told me to run insidious. We still don't know if he was trolling or actually saw something on the other side. Current net current that it had parted to christ banned from touching electronics in Sabam HQ.

Speaker 2:

He still insists he was 90% uploaded. Okay.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to have to hold off. Thank you for that, Nicky, about Angelo Al Dente DiGiorno, the first of his gang to try to ascend as what do you say? A la Lawnmower man into the digital fucking realm. That is, oh my God. Where is this? Where is this going? Where is this podcast going? I don't even know. I had something else I was going to talk about. I don't even think I have time to talk about it, Nicky. I asked him. We had a long conversation about the fact that I was about to have a British guest on the show and Nicky has never been so upset with me about having a British guest Because, you know, his rival is Earl the Tea Tyrant Gray, and he goes off the handle and he even gives me a list of questions to ask my British guests that are extremely aggressive and offensive, and I'm going to ask every single one of those fucking questions exactly how I do things around here.

Speaker 1:

So that's that. We've got our, we've got our um, our toxic, uh, fucking news out of the way. So we have our last fucking shit of the day. Where is it? Is this it? I think that's it. No, that's the old one. Where's the other one I had there? There we go.

Speaker 1:

If you guys are new here, this is where the fuck are the viewers from, where we pick one city that's downloading the podcast, texas. You know what I just remembered? We were going to do a deep dive on a survivor this week and we didn't even fucking get to it. That's going to be episode number 44, probably. Let me turn that down. It's a little loud. So we've got to go over one of our cities. I don't know which fucking city we're going to go over, so let me find the fucking list of the cities. I always like to do, the ones that have that have downloaded recently. And, uh, because I feel like those people that you just came in, I'm going to, I'm going to please you versus some of the others. Uh, you are going to be pleasured by me.

Speaker 1:

By the way, I want to thank a few people. I want to thank Vancouver. Thank you for coming back. Sydney, new South Wales. Thank you, buffalo Grove, we already talked about you once.

Speaker 1:

Irvine, california I think you're new here. I believe you're new. Hopefully you're okay. I don't even know where the fuck that is. Alhambra, california, thank you for coming. Calistoga is back, so apparently things are okay.

Speaker 1:

Warsaw Thank you for coming by Warsaw, in Poland. Wonderful for coming by. Ashburn, virginia, oklahoma city. Nagoya decided to come back, which is weird. Um, and then we have Newark, delaware. You're one of the most, you are one of the biggest downloaders and actually, if I'm looking now, if I'm going to all episodes, you are actually number one in the country.

Speaker 1:

Newark Turn it all the way, fucking up. What the fuck? Yes, there we go. Okay, so what I want to do? We have an interesting one to go over today, and I'm actually not letting Nikki pick. Normally I would. Oh shit, it started over. I didn't want it to loop.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, we've got Paris France. We've got to talk about Paris France, the city, what do we call it? Hang on, I'll just go to Nikki, like whatever, I don't know what to say. I just go to him. Nikki, tell me about Paris France. They downloaded our podcast. I hate that place, but I've never been there, but I've never been there. I heard you have. What did you do there and where are some interesting, interesting places to visit? Question mark there we go. And yeah, so my wife has been to Paris. She says it's amazing, she loved it there. She didn't stay a whole long time. Her favorite was London and I think Paris was kind of. Number two went to Belgium for a little bit, which I we've already talked about Belgium and how I feel about Belgium, which is not great, not a big fan of Belgium. Now here we go. Oh, he's talking about one thing I've never heard of before the Montmartre. Have you ever heard of that, the Montmartre? I don't. I'm not pronouncing it correctly because you know to speak French. You have to sound like an asshole.

Speaker 2:

Paris, france, a city of culture romance and the worst goddamn food I ever laid eyes on. Listen, the only reason I ever stepped foot in that place was for business. And by business. I mean, I was trying to get BHVR to add a pasta shop into Dead by Daylight. What does that have to?

Speaker 1:

do with it.

Speaker 2:

I had a whole picture, little Italy DLC.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Little Italy DLC is what he was trying to say A map with an underground trattoria where.

Speaker 2:

Ghostface could conduct family meetings in the basement. What happened instead? They laughed me out of the building and gave us fucking Raccoon City instead. I hate that place. Disrespectful it is. Now as for what to do in Paris, if you gotta be there.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yes.

Speaker 2:

I guess you can check out some of the usual tourist attractions.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so what are those Eiffel Tower? Uh-huh.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's big, it's metal, it's overhyped.

Speaker 1:

I don't even know. I mean like, is it that great? It's a big piece of shit. It's a big piece of shit that was called the Eiffel Tower. A big piece of shit.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I tried to climb it once to establish dominance, but turns out security.

Speaker 1:

Don't appreciate that the Louvre Could you imagine an Italian DVD, a mafioso Italian DVD player from America trying to climb the fucking piece of shit eiffel tower this is awful. Staring at paintings of people what now? What were we talking about? I lost it.

Speaker 2:

What are we?

Speaker 1:

it's overhyped I tried to climb it once to establish dominance but turns out security.

Speaker 2:

Don't appreciate that what's the? Move. Oh the lose. Like staring at paintings of people who look like they just got tunneled in DVD. This place is for you. I personally got kicked out for trying to hang a picture of my nana's marinara recipe next to the Mona Lisa. What the fuck, Notre Dame?

Speaker 1:

What the fuck is happening. Okay, so everybody in the Louvre all the pictures in the Louvre are people that look like they got tunneled Tun, tunneled at the DPT.

Speaker 2:

What the Notre Dame Okay. Nice architecture, yeah, but they wouldn't let me inside because I was wearing my S-A-B-A-M tracksuit. Apparently authentic Italian culture ain't appropriate church attire, montmartre Artists and street performers eh, what is Montmartre?

Speaker 1:

What the fuck is Montmartre? Hang on Montmartre. Artists and street performers eh, what is Montmartre? What the fuck is Montmartre? Hang on Montmartre. Okay, we're in Montmartre. What is it? A district in Paris known for its artistic history, cobblestone streets and views of the city. It's where Moulin Rouge is. If you are a Moulin Rouge fan, Okay, keep going.

Speaker 2:

Tell me about mon mart, it's fine, I guess uh huh I tried to commission a guy to paint a portrait of ghost face holding a plate of spaghetti, but he gave me some weird abstract nonsense instead. Fancy shopping. Chancel is a champ, silly say what?

Speaker 1:

I don't know what that is. I'm an idiot. I don't know what that is. I'm an idiot. I don't know what that fucking is. But you know what I want to do. Can you show me the picture of the abstract nonsense the guy made for you? Because you remember, if you ask it, it Nikki will make pictures. And you know what I should do. I should make Nikki public to where people can talk to him, because right now only I can. Um, but oh, jesus Christ, I've got the picture here. Guys, I'm gonna post this as the as the um. Hang on now, put the text, uh, camping them softly on it. Okay, he, um, he's adding the text now to the picture of ghost face eating a plate of pasta. And he's right that it is abstract. I cannot believe this shit. Oh god, no, I don't see it. No, he fucked it up. Remake it with the text. Okay, there we go. I'm gonna have something. I'll do it myself if need me.

Speaker 2:

So there we go, okay, so now we're the champs, elise champs elise, yeah, fancy shopping street okay, overpriced suits, snooty waiters no, and not a single proper cannoli in sight. Terrible, absolute disgrace you're goddamn right.

Speaker 1:

It is now this place. Catacombs, what, what? Oh, there are catacombs there, like skulls and shit Catacombs.

Speaker 2:

Now this place, uh-huh, respectable, it is Underground tunnels filled with bones. Ooh, that's how you send a message. I tried to leave a Sabem calling card down there, but the tour guide was not amused.

Speaker 1:

Oh Jesus.

Speaker 2:

Christ. But the real thing to know about Paris? Uh-huh, the pasta is garbage, they don't know al dente from a hole in the ground. I ordered a plate of spaghetti and the waiter had the audacity to serve me some overcooked, soggy mess with no sauce, just butter what. I damn near flipped the table.

Speaker 1:

Do they serve? Okay, in France do they serve? Now, see, I have to ask something respectable. Now, see, I have to ask something respectable. In france, do they serve pasta? Pasta with no sauce, only butter? Question mark is this real? Yes, in france you can. Oh my god, it's a real thing. Pot is all, but it's uh. Yeah, it's, that's literally what it is. It's pasta with just fucking butter. It translates to pasta with butter. This is insanity. Are you fucking serious? I don't know. I got to tell you. I think I'm with Nikki on this. This is awful. This is a sin against fucking mankind. You got to give it that huck. Oh, jesus Christ, you said all that stuff. The wrong fucking button. And the button is right there on the top. I don't know why I keep pushing it, but it's the one fucking right there. Okay, next, okay, so they serve butter with sauce.

Speaker 2:

And don't get me started on the French survivors in DBD. French survivors, all of some elite swf squads that only communicate in french. Just to mess with you, I swear. They got secret tech where they all know how to flashlight save in perfect sync like a goddamn ballet. So, yeah, oh, paris, yeah, I've been there. Okay, I survived it, uh-huh, but I ain't going back unless it's for an official S-A-B-A-M takeover.

Speaker 1:

S-A-B-A-M. I need them to change the name of this fucking group. I don't like S-A-B-A-M. You got to change it to something else, but we're going to do that next time. So, paris France, thank you for coming by by for downloading the podcast. You can leave if you want and we're not going to lose any sleep over it.

Speaker 1:

That was where the fuck are the viewers from. So we had a big episode. We learned about Flowers for Algernon. We learned about 2 vs 8 in DVD. We went over Paris France. We talked about the fucking lawnmower, like you never know.

Speaker 1:

You never know what you're gonna get here on fucking Camping them Softly. I'm gonna have to turn it down. You can't even hear what I'm fucking saying. Damn, I'm good. Oh, damn, I'm good. That one's perfect for me. Anyway, guys, that is it for this week.

Speaker 1:

I promised you a deep dive on one of the survivors survivors and we did not get to that, but we will next week. Because you know what? Next week we may not actually hang on, let me. Let me rephrase that because two versus eight will have come out by the next time I record, and I'm probably going to have some thoughts on that. I'm going to see if I can't record a video this week talking about it, maybe, maybe not. I'm trying to get a little bit more active. A video this week talking about it, maybe, maybe not. I'm trying to get a little bit more active on YouTube.

Speaker 1:

We've talked about that, and then I never fucking do it. And let me see here what is this? The life and legacy of Nikki Noodle Arms, ai Dente. In the eternal war between pasta and tea, pasta always wins. I don't know why. This is awful. This is becoming insanity and I don't apologize for it, because this is what it is. Fuckers. This is what it fucking is, and I don't know if you can hear that. I don't know if it sounds any different, but it should, okay, anyway, that's it for us guys. Thank you for coming by. Satan, can you fucking see us out there? We go Get the fuck out of my face for episode number 43. Thank you.

Speaker 2:

Satan, thank you. You thought you'd hold, you thought you'd win. This world is mine. Now let class begin. Fuck the fucking trouble. Don't try to jump. It's over like a runaway train. Fuck the fucking trouble. Don't try to jump. It's over like a runaway train. Put my arms in a broken plan.

Speaker 1:

I'm the motherfucker who will take this life. Time saves Teacher. I'm a listener. The teacher speaks speaks. Shut the listener. Oh, bow to the beast. To the beast. Shut the listener. The teacher speaks. Shut up and listen. The teacher speaks. Shut up and listen. Love to the beast. Shut up and listen. The truth is mine. Shut up and listen. It's toxic time. Your grace is a joke. Your cult is a lie. You're weak as hell, just waiting to die. You brought me here to fix your mess. Now step aside.

Speaker 2:

I'm the fucking best. Your priest is a joke. Your cult is a lie. You're weak as hell, just waiting to die. You brought me here to fix your mess. Now step aside. I'm the fucking best. Look at you probably know I'm the king. Now never hope for what we'll know. The future explodes to a climbing rift. Build the king now and the whole world will know. Do I say teacher? The world will burn your lungs. Erase this is my kingdom and remember my face.

Speaker 1:

Bow down, shut your mouth. It's my time, get the fuck out. I say, teacher, write a lesson. The teacher speaks, speaks. Shut the listen. Oh, bow to the beast. The truth of the beast. Shut up and listen. The teacher speaks. Shut up and listen. Bow to the beast. Shut up and listen. The truth is mine. Shut up and listen. It's toxic time. Your grace is gone. Your lies are through. The toxic teacher has come for you. The world is mine now. Class dismissed, we'll be right back. The toxic teacher has come for you.

Speaker 2:

The world is mine now. Class dismissed.

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