How To Handle It When She has Already Filed For Divorce | When She’s Done | Marriage Q&A | Ep427

Cass Morrow, Author of Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man. Saving Struggling, Sexless, and Toxic Marriages.

Kathryn Morrow, Author of Behind The White Picket Fence.

How To Handle It When She has Already Filed For Divorce!

She already filed for divorce. Or she’s checked out. Or you’re living on eggshells and you don’t know how to move forward. This Q&A is for you.

Cass and Kathryn Morrow take live callers through urgent situations in struggling marriages — including a 32-year marriage on the edge and a husband facing divorce after years of emotional betrayal.

What we cover:
What to do when she has already filed for divorce (the first moves)
Why defending yourself to a spouse who hates you right now makes everything worse
“It doesn’t matter if you get divorced” — why fear-based decisions guarantee you lose
How to slow down panic and start building real change
The scorekeeping trap: why “she cheated too” never helps you
What you’re teaching your kids every time you get defensive
How to respond when your spouse won’t talk to you (STAT response + Count to 2)
Why gratitude with strings attached is an invisible contract
“Stop victimizing yourself or you’ll be a victim forever”
Sneak peek: upcoming songs — “The Affair Is Your Fault” + “Don’t Respect Your Boundaries”

The bottom line: you became someone you hate. She’s divorcing that person. Stop defending him — and become someone worth staying for.

📲 Questions for Cass and Kathryn? DM on Instagram or TikTok — they read every message.

🔗 Explore more resources and our story: https://www.morrowmarriage.com/

Join Cass Morrow and Kathryn Morrow, the resilient couple behind Morrow Marriage. Together, we share our unscripted, raw, and against-the-grain journey of saving our marriage from the depths of Hell. We battle narcissism, emotional abuse, reactive abuse, and physical and sexual assault, offering lessons, actionable steps, and real-life examples to inspire couples worldwide.

Our journey is a testament to overcoming adversity, with challenges including Cass’ restraining order, seven separations, and two divorce lawyers. If we can survive and thrive in toxic, abusive, and sexless marriages, what’s your excuse?

Both books are searchable on Amazon and often purchased together:

Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man by Cass Morrow: https://a.co/d/31vm4bV 

Behind The White Picket Fence by Kathryn Morrow: https://a.co/d/f0diMvp

Discover our story, challenge societal norms, and help disrupt the 78% divorce rate. Subscribe, comment, and share if you find value as we strive to save marriages.

What to Watch Next:

Explore our journey through our podcast playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzgMDD_noj4rUVhb

MorrowMarriage.com | Disrupting Divorce With The “New” Marriage

Cass and Kathryn came back from the depths of hell to save their marriage and keep their family together.  Battling narcissism, abuse, reactive abuse, emotional, physical and sexual assault. Listen as they share their lessons, actionable steps and real life examples from even the worst of their story. 

Unscripted, real, raw and against the grain from society’s example of marriage - currently leading to the demise of nearly 78% of all marriages today.

Inspiring couples around the world...

If they can save their marriage from toxicity, abuse and a sexless marriage - not only survive it all... but THRIVE... what’s your excuse?

Join Cass & Kathryn as they flip divorce statistics and fulfill their purpose in life.

Have your own questions or topics you would like us to cover? 

Let us know here: https://forms.gle/7R8GBAdmQRkuZ3NFA

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hey, is it said, is that right?

unknown 0:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Sandra? Set, can you simplify your question? Because you you mentioned, you know, trying to get your wife back, you're going through divorce, but what's what's the actual question that you have?

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Like I guess I need um what can I say? She's already ready, we're already in the process of filing for divorce, and I don't know how to handle it. I I still love her. She tells me she doesn't love me no more, she's done with me.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

And what did you say? What do you say you really need what? How to handle she's already in the process of filing for divorce. How to handle it. That's the word was it. Okay. Um, all right, it's really straightforward. The very first thing you do have is you have to get a hold of who you are emotionally. You say you don't know how to handle it, which means you're um you're freaking out, you're getting insecure, you're scared, you probably got a lawyer because you're protecting yourself, all of the above. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

I get scared when she brings up the divorce. I still love her. She says she doesn't love me no more, she hates me, she wants nothing to do with me.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

So I want you to realize right now, first of all, you're not alone. This is happening everywhere. Like more people get divorced in one year. This is serious, one year, then the amount of people that died in the American Civil War, World War I, II, Vietnam, and Korea combined. I thought you were gonna say World War I, two, and three. Oh, no. No, you didn't say it, but that's what I thought. No, no, no. Isn't that crazy how many people so you're not alone? Well we have to start doing is thinking differently. You cannot act in fear, said. Okay. So what I mean by that is it doesn't matter if you get divorced. I want you to recognize that if you have to say it out loud a thousand times until you understand it, it doesn't matter if you get divorced. I got ordained because I'm remarried clients. Well, we remarry clients, but I get to sign off on it. Okay, so it doesn't matter. I pushed uh testimonial the other day from a man whose wife was living with another woman. You know, we we have incredible stories. People have been divorced for years, get back together. Okay, so that's your very first step. You can't move her forward to where you want to go, keeping your family together, getting her to stop this process, or if in any case, remarry her if you're living in fear. Do you follow me? Yes. Okay. Secondly, what are you doing to change your behaviors that she wants a divorce from? I don't need to know them all. Excuse me right now, but what are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 2:28

To be honest, I haven't done nothing. Because every time she brings a divorce, it becomes an argument and it triggers me, and I end up being indefensive, and it becomes a big old problem.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Okay, new lesson. Okay? Why would you defend yourself to a woman who hates you right now? What are you trying to sell her and make a sleazy salesman or what? It's not gonna work. Do you want her or do you not not want her? Yeah. I want her. You have kids? Yes, I have two daughters.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

One is four and one is eight.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

So you're su every time you're defensive, you're showing your daughters what to look for in a man and what to run for in a man, and we don't know what choice she'll make, but she'll probably make the wrong one later. No protectors what I'm saying. If you defend yourself, you're not protecting your wife or your future or your goals or your values, and actually you're protecting your own ego. And I'm guessing right now you don't even know who you are, dude. Can you ask that answer that question?

SPEAKER_01 3:19

I don't. Ever since that everything happened between us, I became a different person that I would never was, and I hate it.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

And you hate it. So there you go. That's your next step is you gotta break away from the person. I used to be Ryan, now I'm Cass. Like I'm not, I refuse to be that fucking asshole again ever. All those behaviors, I fucking hate it. It starts from the the way I answer, how's your day, best day of my life, to opportunities. I call it creating opportunities, which you need to learn how to do because you have to learn this new mindset, this new attitude, learn how to move her to the top of the mountain. So when she says she gets mad at you and why tells you all the reasons she wants to divorce, you understand and you realize she's divorcing the piece of shit that you want. The guy that you just said you hated.

unknown 3:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

And that's okay. Yeah. I would leave you too. Sounds like you'd leave you too. Why are we taking it personal? If we don't take it personal, we don't get defensive. Tell me more, babe. And then do you hear me talk to the last caller? How can you move it? How can you move her to the top of the mountain? You have two daughters? You could show up in so many ways just having kids. What do you what kind of note do you put in the backpack when she's making the lunches? You know what I mean? Like, what kind of messages do you send her? But you can't none of that matters if you're gonna if you're gonna um like continue to put bricks in a wall. You have nothing to defend. You don't like yourself right now, and you don't know who you are, who she's supposed to love. Say you're right. I know that's why I charge so much money. Like the thing is I'm just kidding on the program for everybody, but what what the thing is, man, if we can make these very real realizations said, you can actually make choices that will move you in the right direction. Think about it. Every choice you've made so far, you're getting a divorce now and you don't want that. You're tearing your family apart, you don't want that. You're repeating generational cycles, you don't want that. So if you can acknowledge that you're responsible for your choices, you did know how to lead. You led her the wrong ways, you let her backwards. Okay, that's okay. That just means you gotta learn right now. I want to give you some encouragement, man. I don't think any of us are taught to be men in a relationship, dude. None of us, our generation and younger, I would dare say even 10 years older than us, you know, 10, 15. And everybody younger, no fucking clue how to do it, even women. Right? Feminism rose, masculinity fought back. You wanted equal rights, bitch. And it doesn't matter what your parents were like, you were fucked because the world fucking feeds the chaos. So how long have you been following? I'm going to I think two months already. Okay, sweet. So you're into the podcast? Yeah, good. Good. Go back before the talk show. Go listen to like the 400 or some episodes that are like like where we just get into it. Okay. Um if you have been listening that long and you feel comfortable and you want to talk further, let's get on the phone. Just DM me on Instagram, castbox tomorrow. It's easier. Okay, so I can find you faster. Okay. But then um from there, like I I just need to know exactly what you're doing, implementing, and from there we can move you forward. I'll give you an example. These songs, men are using the songs I'm writing to create apologies and send them to the right. It opens the line of communication, but I don't want communication. I want conversation. I want her to get mad at you when you say I'm not signing the papers. I want her to be annoyed that you're not signing the papers, that you're making s'mores out of the paperwork, you know, that you're not having a lawyer, you're slowing it down because you don't need one. What kind of rush are you in for that? We don't need one. Right? Yeah. I want you to start showing up fighting to her. She does, of course she does. That's okay. Doesn't mean you have to follow her.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Yeah, and she always tells me every time you get out of here, she's like, I don't want nothing now, I don't want nothing in the future, I don't want nothing to do with you, I don't love you, and never did after what I did to her, which I know what I did to her, and I accept our accountability. What I did to her was cheating. Did it for eight years and never appreciated her as a wife?

SPEAKER_00 7:21

That's a long time. Eight years is gonna be really hard for her to bounce back from.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

And she cheated on me last year.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

She did it emotionally and physically.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

You guys it's behaved. No. There was no marriage when she cheated on you, man. Yeah, but eight years of cheating. For eight years, there was no marriage when she cheated on you. See, what you're doing right now is your scorekeeping and justifying and balancing. It doesn't work that way. You either love her correctly or you don't. Now, one thing you have going for you is that she went physical, right? Which means if you fucking show up, you can beat this. Otherwise, I would have said eight years is a really long time. I'd say it's gonna be a really tough journey. Yeah. Right? It's still gonna be a very tough journey. It will, yeah, it will. Anybody can help you though, this man. Yeah, I show you how to create opportunities, man. You gotta learn how to texture, what to say, what to be grateful without discord keeping in your head. Like you don't need to justify. That's your self-worth and your identity speaking right there. You just you unfortunately she cheated, but you know why? I cheated for eight years. It's not about the amount of listen to don't listen to the songs that have like don't you don't have to fuck someone to cheat. Betrayal is betrayal is betrayal, people. If we don't understand that, and we betray ourselves, like your values, your core values, your marriage vows, dude. You fucked up a long time ago. By the way, she probably did too. I have a song coming out called The Affairs Your Fault. It's gonna piss people off. I have a song called Um Don't Respect Your Boundaries coming out. It's gonna piss your wife off when she hears it. But I'm talking about the boundaries of marriage, but you better I say in this song, don't fucking follow your checked out, don't follow your checked out wife, but don't you but you better fucking follow through. And you can't if you don't know who you are, dude. Okay, it's time to do some identity work. That's more important, especially with the kids, man. More important to know who you are, yeah, regardless of what happens with your wife. Because you're leading two children to to a place of uh uh utter chaos as the world. If we don't catch up with what the work we're doing, the the world is going chaos. Going chaotic. Okay? It's time to be on board with changing everything. So DM me on Instagram, GasFoss Tomorrow. I want to ask you some specific identity questions, and then I want to go deeper. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Okay, sounds good.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I don't have an Instagram, but I'll make one tonight and oh if you it's it it's just if you don't mind, it is the easiest. Facebook, I get way too many DS. Yeah, we'll never make it. Yeah, TikTok even too. Okay, so Instagram's the easiest.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

No, that's fine. Yeah, I can make an Instagram and then I I'll I'll hit you up. Okay, awesome. Thanks for calling in, dude. Thank you so much for your help.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

You got it. See ya.