How To Become a High Value Man | It Starts at Home, Not at Work | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep441

Cass Morrow, Author of Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man. Saving Struggling, Sexless, and Toxic Marriages.

Kathryn Morrow, Author of Behind The White Picket Fence.

Most people think becoming a high value man is about money, status, discipline, or confidence at work.

Cass and Kathryn Morrow say it starts at home—with self-worth.

In Ep441 of The ‘NEW’ Marriage, they break down the real root behind most marriage symptoms (sex, communication, respect, resentment), why validation from your partner isn’t self-worth, and the two skills Kathryn learned that changed everything.

What we cover

• The real root of most marriage problems: self-worth (not the symptoms)
• Why being valuable at home first makes you valuable everywhere else
• The validation trap: when your worth depends on your partner’s approval
• Why tearing your partner down is always an identity crisis
• Kathryn’s 2 skills that changed everything:
• Engage while regulated (without co-regulating their dysregulation)
• Undo enabling consistently (“same team, same jersey” — not 1 and done)
• Silence vs shutting down vs stonewalling (they’re not the same)
• How to stay grounded when your partner is angry, cold, or disrespectful
• The proof you’re learning: your questions stop being about symptoms

If a Short/Reel brought you here: watch the full episode—this is the foundation behind respect, intimacy, and leadership at home.

🔗 Explore more resources and our story: https://www.morrowmarriage.com/

Join Cass Morrow and Kathryn Morrow, the resilient couple behind Morrow Marriage. Together, we share our unscripted, raw, and against-the-grain journey of saving our marriage from the depths of Hell. We battle narcissism, emotional abuse, reactive abuse, and physical and sexual assault, offering lessons, actionable steps, and real-life examples to inspire couples worldwide.

Our journey is a testament to overcoming adversity, with challenges including Cass’ restraining order, seven separations, and two divorce lawyers. If we can survive and thrive in toxic, abusive, and sexless marriages, what’s your excuse?

Both books are searchable on Amazon and often purchased together:

Disrupting Divorce: The NEW Man by Cass Morrow: https://a.co/d/31vm4bV 

Behind The White Picket Fence by Kathryn Morrow: https://a.co/d/f0diMvp

Discover our story, challenge societal norms, and help disrupt the 78% divorce rate. Subscribe, comment, and share if you find value as we strive to save marriages.

What to Watch Next:

Explore our journey through our podcast playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzgMDD_noj4rUVhb9v9alyZe5ws_Su0I4

Access courses, training, tools, and books at https://www.morrowmarriage.com/

Connect on Social Media:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cassfostermorrow
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cassfostermorrow
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@cassfostermorrow

Learn More About Kathryn:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KMorrowMarriage

Help us disrupt divorce.

— Cass

#HighValueMan #SelfWorth #MarriageHelp #MarriageAdvice #RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalRegulation #CommunicationInMarriage #Boundaries #StopEnabling #WifeRespect #HusbandLeadership #CassMorrow #KathrynMorrow #MorrowMarriage #TheNewMarriage

MorrowMarriage.com | Disrupting Divorce With The “New” Marriage

Cass and Kathryn came back from the depths of hell to save their marriage and keep their family together.  Battling narcissism, abuse, reactive abuse, emotional, physical and sexual assault. Listen as they share their lessons, actionable steps and real life examples from even the worst of their story. 

Unscripted, real, raw and against the grain from society’s example of marriage - currently leading to the demise of nearly 78% of all marriages today.

Inspiring couples around the world...

If they can save their marriage from toxicity, abuse and a sexless marriage - not only survive it all... but THRIVE... what’s your excuse?

Join Cass & Kathryn as they flip divorce statistics and fulfill their purpose in life.

Have your own questions or topics you would like us to cover? 

Let us know here: https://forms.gle/7R8GBAdmQRkuZ3NFA

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

How to become a highly valuable man. The impact that impacts trust. Carrying the load. Manipulation, boundaries, and covert contracts. The emergency poop story. Erectile dysfunction. How to become a highly valuable man or woman. Welcome to Lormir's podcast, guys. And I am excited. I I love this topic.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Okay, you look excited.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I am.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

I just told him not to be angry in this episode because of the last few.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Oh sweet.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

He said, okay, it's gonna be easy. I'm gonna talk about something that I like.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

You did a little dance.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

That's right. Because you know what? Um, becoming valuable is really all about the person that you want to be. Oh, by the way, welcome to More March Podcast. Um you already said that. I did, I didn't think I did. Um, so we when you become valuable, it's because it's something that you truly want. Okay. What I mean by that is um typically most of you will cater towards the person that you love. You want to feel value in the way that they love you. So, in other words, if they're respectful, if they are happy, they agree with you. Um, they have an opinion, but it's yours. They want to be connected to you emotionally, uh, they want to um have sex with you. When you get that validation from your partner, you feel valuable. And I believe that the number one reason that we see problems in marriage, which I post on this going viral right now, is it's not the lack of sex, it's not the miscommunication or the fact that we don't know how to communicate. It's not the fact that my husband doesn't know how to share their his feelings. Oh, because my wife had this trauma, my husband grew up like all of that is a direct result of the real problem, which is your self-worth. The biggest thing that you need to address if you want to become a valuable man or woman is what's your self-worth? What is your confidence like? I'm talking at home, by the way, because I could give two shits about your uh outside world if you haven't addressed home, because the moment your home life is suffering, you will suffer in the workplace. You will suffer at the little Jimmy's soccer game. Like you you're you will not be uh as engaged. You're you've already lost value in the real world. The moment your home life is suffering. So I think that the number one thing that you need to focus on is your self-worth. Now, how do we know if you have self-worth? Do you want to add anything in? How do we know if you have self-worth? Well, how do you resp uh react or do you respond? Like, do you lead a conversation where you want it to go? Not manipulate, not control, but like, do you uh do you know what it is that you want? Meaning, when for example, I've talked last few episodes while randomly about Catherine influenced by change, she stopped shutting down instead of like so I would scream at her. So instead of getting um, you know, defensive or screaming back or running away, okay, she would engage.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

The exact opposite of what you think you should do. But that's why people aren't living the life that we live, because people will shut down or they're just they'll disengage. Because what you said, what used to be happened, it took it took Cass a while to understand this. But when I am quiet now, he still he gets triggered by it. Not anymore, because we're out there fighting these two, but for the first little bit when I started to get hold of my emotions and I was quiet, so I wasn't yelling back, which wasn't my go-to. I learned to yell back, but I used to get really defensive and contemptuous, and then I learned to yell back, and then I would just shut down and just gone. And then by the time I got to where we are now, and of course, every year we're better, every month we're better. I learned how to engage, validate what he's feeling, engage with him. And sometimes I wouldn't speak, not because I was shutting down, but because I knew that there was no value in anything that I had to say because of his level of dysregulation. There's no value. It's like literally like talking to a wall, which he used to say. Yeah, he used to say that's me. But you're falling on deaf ears. And so silence is different than checking out, is different than stonewalling. And so when I stopped disengaging from him and I continued to engage, but in a new way, because engaging while you're dysregulated, it's it's still bad. Engaging while maintaining your regulation and making sure that you're actually engaging with what it is your partner, that's what worked your turnaround time down.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

In fact, what you saw with turnaround time is one of the key things when we talk about Catherine influencing me was me to understand that she was still there and I had feelings, and because I I was not emotionally intelligent, because I didn't even understand what I was feeling. I was using anger, for example, instead of understanding I had no self-worth. Okay, instead of I was that's why we tear her down. If you guys ever wonder why someone tears you down, meaning all the nasty things they say to you, not even not even the tone, not even the ang, like the angry screaming, okay? The constant repetition, they constantly tear you down, constantly beat you down, pull, pull out any positive from you, throw all the negative at you, all the blame. That's because they're trying to build themselves up to feel better about themselves. So even the smartest, most intelligent person with their emotions, and the most loving person, you've all been there. Everybody's been there, okay? Where you get sucked in onto what she calls a crazy train. So you can't be valuable. That's why I'm going to talk about their um, you know, she's outgrowing you. That's all. That's this is what I'm talking about. When you want to be a highly valuable man or woman, well, she didn't let my abuse affect her the same way.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Also, it took time to learn that. And it's definitely a skill. But he's right. I didn't let it affect me. I didn't get enmeshed with him and his dysregulation. I didn't co-regulate his dysregulation. I stayed regulated in my own emotions and I didn't take on his. It's there's so much freedom when you get there, guys. So much freedom.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Yeah, and if you understand it, last episode she was talking about enabling. We enable the bad shit to only it was two episodes ago. We enable the bad shit to happen. Like in other words, the things that we are going through right now that we can't stand, we played a part in what maybe it was even small, but you played a part in to where it is now where you're feeling these negative feelings. The blaming side, the wanting to defend yourself. It's not fair, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Even abuse. Look at our story. Okay. And so when you understand that, next thing about being valuable is can you undo the enabling? Yes, because she stopped allowing my abuse. In other words, she got firm and said, Hey, listen, I want to be here with you. I love you, and I want to understand what you're feeling, but not like this. Things like that over and over again, right? And so she would have to rein me in. And it wouldn't be like in the beginning, guys, it's not like this. It worked, okay. Yeah, thanks, baby. Thanks for reeling me in this awesome. Okay. In the beginning, it was like it would go on, and she'd say that over and over again. She'd say, Hey, same team, same jersey. She'd say things like, um, you know, putting her hand in my face, hey, I'm with you. Even if I say, I'm not your fucking jungle, Jim. Okay, like it wasn't like one and done. It was over and over again. It was, it was understanding insecurity. Wanted to be there because insecurity was proving that I had no self-worth. Okay. So you all have some level of fear and insecurity in your relationship. If you want to be valuable, understand these things. This is all I wanted to get into today. Because now, remember what I said earlier? The moment you take that to the outside world, when you have a foundation at home, people talk about health being the foundation. I call bullshit. Because until you know who you are, you're dying if your partner doesn't love you. You're dying and wondering if I don't think you're dying, you think it's over. You're dying wondering if it's next fight. So you take that to the outside world. But what if you had the same level of those two, just those two skills right there that Catherine influenced me with to start with? I would say that's probably the most valuable thing you can learn. I'd love to hear your opinion. Why? Because now you can set a different foundation in your home which allows you to be confident in you are, even if, let's say I didn't it didn't work for me. Let's say I got pissed junk in the garage, walked out on it. Okay, then she could know that she did it right, and she didn't have to let it affect her. She didn't have to be like, Well, she just felt sad for me. Empathy, though, that sucks. Like there were some times when you take the kids on a go, right when Brennan, I think it was the first year they were born, and I would just be like junk in the garage smoking. I'm like, I don't go with you, right? But she didn't do anything wrong, she didn't use that against me. Boom. It's not enabling it. See, the moment you enable yourself to go down the negative train, you're back to not having skill number two. Why is this important? You take this to the real world. If it affects you negatively, don't you think it'll affect you positively if you're confident with who you are? In the worst of the worst situation, in the most devaluing situation you could be in. My partner doesn't want me, my partner hates me, my partner doesn't love me. I what did I waste all the years? I don't want to waste another is the grass greener. If you can get through all of that, starting to believe in yourself, which is the whole she's out growing you theme, she decided to become who she was before I I brought pain, but then used it with then she could use that anywhere in the world, man. This is why when you guys talk about financial abuse, she's like, I got my own fucking money. She'll spend my money. She loves spending the money. But but see, she didn't let me take control. You guys want what we have as the theme today as we record all these episodes, but you don't understand to do what we say is a lot of work, and there's a lot of steps. You want to bounce back and forth to podcasts and social media and ask the same question over and over and every week instead of actually learning. That's how I know that you're you're not learning. Is if every week one or three people are calling in about affairs, then I know you're not trying. I just know. Wait a minute, Cass. What's that thing about symptoms or a valuable man or woman? Like, now I know you're learning. Well, and I get excited now. See, that's a proof.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

You guys likes you guys.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Yeah, you get you you get see me go on rants the last few episodes I filmed. But you'll also see me when there's people we want to work with because we see you because oh my gosh, it's clear, you're working, you're diving in. Like the questions are thoughtful in the DM. It's pretty inspiring. Yeah.

unknown 10:09

Right?

SPEAKER_01 10:10

We know that you'll make it.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Yeah, we do.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

So we can hear and sense how much you want it.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Yes. All right, guys. Well, it's been fun recording. We're gonna try to go back to recording some of these episodes without all the casting your ass, like on the first three.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Yeah, don't worry. He just needed to get out of his system. I'll remind him. Catch more flies with money.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

No, well, that's not the people that come to us. She thinks like that, but then you see the men that come to me. If you guys don't want to be a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

There's a happy, there's a happy medium, let's just say.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Well, yeah, talking to you is different than talking to the camera. I am not. Guys, we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Bye.